Day 381 Lighting A Candle Instead of Cursing The Darkness and More "Lost" Before Pictures

Day 381

Lighting A Candle Instead of Cursing The Darkness and More “Lost” Before Pictures

After starting the day with a 200 calorie cheese omelet, Irene and I was off to pick up JoEllen and head for her urgent doctors appointment in Oklahoma City. I took a personal day today for the trip. Irene could have made the trip without me, but since she had worked a twelve hour shift right before and was without any sleep at all, I wanted to make sure they arrived safe and on time.

JoEllen was in incredible spirits considering she’s just been diagnosed with thyroid and brain cancer. To make a bad situation worse, she’s also developed blindness in both eyes over the last several days. And still, she was finding humor in her situation. She was smiling. It was wonderful to see her brave spirit. I don’t think I would have been as chipper under the same circumstances. We had moments when she would bring up the topic of death and we quickly insisted on a subject change. And she occasionally showed a mixture of fear and frustration over the blindness. She’s a strong woman.

The medical team working with JoEllen will start chemotherapy in a couple of weeks. They did say that the brain tumor seemed stable. Hopefully the chemotherapy will kill it completely. In the meantime, the doctors number one concern is saving her vision. The pressure from the tumor is severely hurting her optical nerves and that has caused this sudden blindness. They must perform an emergency surgery in the morning to relieve the pressure on her optical nerves before she becomes permanently blind. JoEllen is resting tonight at our house. Irene is getting off at 4:30am, she’ll get a few hours rest, then she’ll take Jo to the surgery center in Oklahoma City for the procedure that hopefully will bring her out of the darkness.

Thank you for all of the wonderful comments of prayer for JoEllen. Irene didn’t want to leave JoEllen’s side, but at a certain point, I had to insist that she try to sleep in the car while I stayed with Jo in the doctors office. While we were waiting for them to schedule the surgery, I shared your comments with her. She was amazed that so many people from all over the world were thinking of her. It really lifted her spirits, so again, thank you!

I have to say that I’m really learning something from watching JoEllen handle this horrible situation. Something life threatening like this can quickly put things in perspective. Most of us are very lucky, and sure, I can come up with a long list of things I’m not happy about or frustrated over on this journey, but what’s really important? What matters? Not giving up matters. Family love matters. And finding reasons to smile even in our darkest hour---that really matters. I did good today considering it was the first time I’ve ever led someone around who couldn’t see. I only ran her into one chair and one wall, not too bad really.

You know what today was? Weigh day!!!! Can you believe I missed a weigh day? I did. As we were headed into town late this afternoon, I declared that weigh day was postponed until Thursday. I can weigh tomorrow. This isn’t the first time weigh day has been postponed by one day. But it is the second---I’m pretty sure! I’ll be cool with whatever the scales show me tomorrow.

Play rehearsal was awesome tonight. It’s really coming together. I wish you could come and see this show. I’m blessed to have such a wonderful role for my stage debut.

I’m including some “Lost” before pictures in tonight’s blog, I hope you enjoy them! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean


Nearly 17 years ago. I was doing two morning shows at the same time. One Classic Country and one Soft AC, I just alternated. Crazy kid!!


At a station sponsored event. About a decade old, this one.


My mom and little brother Shane on one of Shane’s prom nights! He attended several!! We lost Shane in June of 2001. He was 24.


Irene and the girls several years ago. A really bright picture—but just adorable anyway!!! I love these young ladies!

A full body before picture with Ryan Diamond of KPNC. We were at the OAB Awards Banquet. Ryan won for radio personality of the year on that night. He was over 200 pounds in this picture and I still make him look tiny! I have a history of making people look little in pictures.

Day 380 A World of Support

Day 380

A World of Support

Tonight will be a short blog for a few reasons. First off, let me say that I sincerely appreciate all of the wonderful comments, e-mails, and messages sent my way today. Thank you for your support. I will return that support, even if I haven’t yet, I’m coming!

Our computer is infected and under quarantine at a location other than our house. I’m writing tonight’s blog from the radio station. Gayle is working on getting rid of the fake security program that has infiltrated our system, demanding that we pay 39.95 so we can be “protected.” It’s called “total security,” and it’s a scam pure and simple. I’m glad Gayle is a whiz at these things, because I haven’t a clue. This isn’t the first time she’s fixed our system. If not for her, we would just have to buy a new computer every four or five months, and that could get rather expensive.

My sister in law was told today that she has cancer. They found it in the thyroid tissue they removed the other day. The results of the cat scan confirmed it’s spread to her brain. She has a doctors appointment first thing in the morning in Oklahoma City. I’ll be taking a personal day to drive Irene and JoEllen to that doctor in the morning. Gayle will be doing my show.

I really hope the doctor gives her some kind of hope to hold onto. We’ll be there for her no matter the prognosis and treatment plan. She may need to move in with us for a while since she has become completely blind over the past several days, a result of the pressure on her brain. She’s younger than us, just too young to be experiencing this.

I need to get some rest. I’ve been consumed with this situation all evening. It just isn’t right. Thank you for the continued prayers. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 379 The Candy Store of Non-Scale Victories

Day 379

The Candy Store of Non-Scale Victories

I've been doing a lot of celebrating lately. That doesn't mean 'food' like it did once upon a time, but I think some of my focus, OK, I know that some of my focus has suffered. This transformation has allowed me to experience things I once only dreamed of, and that's cool, but I mustn't forget, we've got work to do! As dramatic of a change I've had over the last 379 days, there's more to come, so I need not get too caught up where I am now.

It's like I hit the 200 pounds lost mark and went nuts! Think about it: I hit the 200 lost mark and then totally scrambled my schedule. I can't remember the last time I was at the YMCA. What about that consistent routine that brought me here? It's been replaced by a hectic routine of wearing size 40 pants, riding roller-coasters, and performing on stage. And don't get me wrong, all of this is good, more than good really...it's great! But I need to get back to the routine that brought me here because we've still got work to do.

I love the play I'm in. It is definitely something I needed to do. I'm so happy to be a part of it, but after the curtain falls on that final performance October 17th, you can bet that Sean here is getting back to basics. Through it all, my food and calorie budget has remained rock solid. At this point, that's a very easy part for me. And yes, I'm getting exercise in my current activities, but nothing like I need. The great thing about this? Time is my friend. And I'm able to recognize when I'm getting carried away with this newfound freedom. It's time to recognize that and make the adjustments necessary to proceed.

If I stopped losing weight and trying to get in shape today, just settled on the success I've found thus far, it would still be an amazing change. But I deserve more. I want more. This isn't the body I've always dreamed of, and I understand that perfection is a destination just past crazy, so I'm not trying to be perfect. I just know what this body is capable of---and this isn't all there is my friend. I can completely understand how some people can reach a point like this and completely settle. I feel great. I can sleep like a baby without the help of a CPAP machine. I can fit in a small car. I can wear jeans I haven't been able to wear since I was a kid. I can run up stairs. I can fit on any amusement ride you can show me. I can do all of that and more! Shoot, I can even take a picture, look at it, and think...wow, that's pretty good huh? So yes, I can see how easy it would be to settle. I will not settle. I need to leave the candy store of non-scale victories and head down this road with the same determined spirit and consistent routine that has given me all of these rewards.

I did something today that I haven't done in a while. I read several blogs and commented many of them. I sincerely miss staying up with my blogging friends and it was wonderful to check in and see how many of them are doing. It's awesome to see that everyone seems to be doing great! If I missed you, please forgive and understand. I've always cherished the support you've given me and I'm grateful for the understanding that many have extended me during this crazy time in my life, when there just hasn't been the time to read and comment like I use to. But still, once again...it's a schedule I created. It's a schedule that will be returning to normal soon. And I can't wait.

New Me has given me the “Honest Scrap” award! This award requires me to reveal ten things about me that I haven't already shared. Hmmm...what have I not shared? OK, I'm sure there are ten, but man, they're going to be personal---and really hard to write and release into the world. So, I'm going to ponder those ten items and write them soon. I'll also reveal the ten that I will pass the award to when that post is written. It will be good, I'm sure. Thank you New Me!

Thank you for reading and following my success along this most amazing journey. I've included a picture below of me in a school desk. This desk was at rehearsal tonight and from the moment I laid eyes on it, I wanted to try it out. Even in 8th or 9th grade I couldn't fit in this kind of a desk, but tonight it was easy. It was amazing. I fit in a school desk with space between my stomach and the desk, can you believe that? Unbelievable. Just wonderful, amazing! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 378 We Have The Power To Change What We Don't Like

Day 378

We Have The Power To Change What We Don't Like

I have no idea how many calories are burned taking in an amusement park for five hours, but it must be a bunch. We were completely drained from the experience. Even after sleeping ten hours straight, we were still tired all day today. Irene mentioned that the adrenaline that we tapped every time we climbed aboard one of those rides must have zapped our strength. I bet she's right. Wow, overcoming a lifetime of fears and restrictions from obesity can really wear you out! Day 377 was a really fun blog to write. If you haven't had the chance to read it and see all the pictures and video, I encourage you to scroll down the page and discover Day 377---it was incredible.

We did take a bunch of pictures Saturday and some of them were not the best while others were incredible. I started thinking about pictures and how much I use to hate them. I still do occasionally when one reminds me of how far I still have to go, but thank goodness these days they usually just show me how far I've come. In the Diane interview, she talks about going to the photo-mat and destroying or hiding the pictures she didn't like before anyone else had a chance to see them. I guess we do the same thing when we decide what pictures to post. Irene picked some for her blog that I didn't care for particularly, but again, I'm some kind of messed up when it comes to being self-critical. What do I have to do to satisfy myself? Become a body builder? Geez. That's not a bad idea really. Anyway, there is my point. And my point is: If we don't like what we see in a picture, we have the power to change that image. I never liked what was staring back at me when I weighed over 500 pounds, but that picture on Day 377 that I said was my favorite of Irene and I together...I love that picture! LOVE IT! We look so blasted young and thin in that one! So I'm not going to complain about pictures or how they sometimes expose the work we still have left to do, I'm just going to continue the journey and soon there will not be a picture I don't love.

Irene fixed a traditional Sunday dinner today. She put down a beef roast from the freezer for thawing while we were gone Saturday. It was an awesome meal. We enjoyed roast, mashed potatoes—no gravy, and corn on the cob! It wasn't the biggest roast, but it was just enough for the four of us to enjoy a responsible portion. It was perfect. I use to stress over the size of the roast. Will it feed us all? I wanted big portions for everyone. I can remember cooking two roast just to be sure we had enough. It's such a dramatic change that we can sit down to a small roast and each enjoy a 4 ounce portion without second helpings, and everybody leaves the table feeling 100% satisfied. It's awesome my friend. To finally reach a point where we no longer stress about “will we have enough?” Because there was always enough to be satisfied, that wasn't the concern of the past. Did we have enough to be stuffed? How about leftovers? That was our old mindset. Shoot, if I was the one cooking, I'd usually eat at least a serving before whatever we were having hit the table. I was testing the food of course. See, we just don't think like that anymore. It's one of the many elements of our mental changes that will keep our weight off forever.

We've really enjoyed having Amber home this weekend. It's been a wonderful weekend indeed. I hate to see her go back, but I'm so proud of where she's headed, that I have to give her a hug and send her off. She's going back to school in the morning. She's going to make the best special education teacher in the world. Her compassion and understanding for students with developmental disabilities is heart warming. She's got what it takes to make a significant difference in many lives. I'm so proud.

Irene ran lines with me again today. We went through the entire script. I'm ready for a week of rehearsals that will have us doing the entire production from start to finish every night. I'm ready! Opening night is less than two weeks away. Ooh, that makes me a little nervous just typing that. Anyway, it'll be fine, no...it will be grand!

JoEllen, my sister in law is still in the hospital and is expected to be released Monday or Tuesday. Thank you to everyone who has included her in their prayers. Her diagnosis is one that I don't know if I could handle with as much grace and spirit as her. If ever anyone deserved a miracle, it would be her. She's had a rough life, and then this. It just doesn't seem right at all. But we're going to be there for her all the way. Again, thank you for your prayers.

If you haven't had a chance to listen to the Diane—Fit To The Finish interview, I encourage you to press play. You'll also see Jack and Tony's interview along the left hand side of this page. Everytime I add another, I'll just move one down into the “Audio archives.” And if you haven't checked out Day 377, yesterday's post, please do. It's loaded with a bunch of pictures and On The Go videos of our adventures to Frontier City.

Another work week calls. I must run now. Thank you so much for reading what I write. Thank you sincerely. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 377 A Whole New Frontier City: A Dream Realized.

Day 377

A Whole New Frontier City: Dream Realized

One of the things I wrote about in the early days of this journey was how I wanted to take my kids to an amusement park and really enjoy the experience. It was a goal, a dream really, to become one of those people, you know the ones, the people having the time of their lives completely free of the restrictions of morbid obesity. I was over 500 pounds for so long, the only thing I could do at this kind of a place was carry our stuff and watch other people have fun. I was miserable. I was that fat guy standing off to the side, knowing that I couldn't fit, and not even trying, because it would be too embarrassing to be told the obvious by the ride operator...in front of everybody. I took my family to the amusement park several times over the years, we're no stranger to Frontier City, but I never looked forward to the experience like I did today. I'm now 213 pounds thinner and Frontier City has never known me like this, and I've never looked at Frontier City the way I did today.

I've never been an amusement park kind of person, or at least I didn't think I was. Maybe I was always an amusement park person deep down, but the weight was holding me back. You can't really enjoy a place like this at over 500 pounds. You get through it, you watch others have fun, you're happy for them. You carry stuff for everybody and you look for food. Our trip to Frontier City today was monumental. It was the first time I've ever really enjoyed a theme park with my family. It was a goal attained, a dream realized, a reward for finally grabbing a hold of a life that I let slip away for far too long. At over 500 pounds, just the walk up the parking lot hill would have had me stopping to rest. Not today. Today was going to be unlike any experience at Frontier City we've ever had. It was going to be amazing. And it was.

We started with the log flume. The log flume doesn't have a bar that must click, no seat belt to fasten. We were simply 'testing the waters' so to speak. What we did next was amazing on a couple of different levels. We went straight from the log flume to the Wildcat Roller Coaster. The Wildcat is a wooden roller coaster with seats that are really small. Even at 350 or 400 I couldn't have fit on this thing, forget about over 500. It was a snug fit today, but I fit, and the good times? They were rollin'! I say it was amazing on a couple of different levels because riding a roller coaster at any size was always something Irene and I swore we would never do. I never had a desire to get on a roller coaster. They look scary and really dangerous. So the fact that I was always too big for one really worked for me, because I was terrified of them. The weight became a perfect excuse...I'm scared of them, but I couldn't fit on one even if I wanted. Irene and I have experienced many “first” together in the last 22 years, this added to that list. We were side by side on the Wildcat and we both clicked the restraints in place without any trouble at all. We were ready. Amber and Courtney were in the two seats directly in front of us, we were ready to scream together! The ride was fast and furious, simply incredible really. Thank goodness we all chewed motion sickness pills before embarking on this experience!! We were flying.

We loved the roller coaster, no kidding. It was complete freedom to let loose and have a blast. And it made me think about something. Losing weight has allowed me to fit on a ride like this, certainly, but more importantly—it has given me the confidence to face down deep seeded fears I've always had. Riding that roller coaster today and two others before the day ended, wasn't just about fitting in the restraints, it was about overcoming my fears with complete confidence. That's pretty big stuff. It's like I've said many times in these writings, the physical transformation is amazing, but the mental transformation is the biggest change. The physical gets all the glory, but remember—when you see me smile, I'm not smiling because I look better than I ever have, I'm smiling because of the miraculous changes on the inside. So powerful are these changes, that I climbed on to three roller coasters today without a hint of hesitation. Losing weight is so much more than just looking better and being healthier. Losing weight is a key that unlocks the jail cell door, setting free a me that I didn't even know existed.

We truly enjoyed the entire experience. All of our worries and stress, we left that stuff in the car. This day was a long time coming. This day was one to remember. Frontier City never looked and felt so good. A special thanks goes out to Andrea in the Six Flags/Frontier City Marketing department for providing us with “special guest” passes. I can't thank you enough Andrea! We put them to good use as you can read and see! Below you'll find a collection of photos and On The Go videos from this monumental day.

So how did we handle the food? Easy. Our focus clearly wasn't on the food today. But we did get hungry about four hours into the experience. We enjoyed cheese nachos. One order for all of us to share. We each sampled the nachos and took a little break. We had our water with us and the nachos did exactly what we needed it to do, it held us over until dinner. So how did we resist the funnel cakes, dippin' dots, footlong hot dogs, giant slices of pizza, giant soft pretzels with cheese, deep fried Snickers, and every other kind of amusement park food? We simply were not interested. Food wasn't our motivation today. It wasn't our focus. Our mindset was on having fun, and we don't eat for fun anymore. Sure, we enjoy good food on a regular basis. But on the drive down, it was never I can't wait to get one of those footlong corndogs, it was I can't wait to ride a roller coaster! If this journey had never started, and we were still at our heaviest, the expectations and excitement would have been focused elsewhere, perhaps on the food.

We did enjoy Cracker Barrel for dinner. Now how in the world did we do that? Let me tell you: We shared. Irene and I shared the chicken fried chicken meal and Amber and Courtney shared a cheeseburger and steak fries. And you know what? We were satisfied and completely full! The portions are so big at that place, it really made it easy. We just asked for a couple of empty plates and a knife. Easy. I even allowed for a corn muffin and a couple of bites of a biscuit, it was very good. We left Cracker Barrel feeling good, not feeling stuffed and miserable. Big difference over past visits, huge difference.

On the way home we stopped in Stillwater and waded our way through the football game night traffic. Oklahoma State beat Grambling State soundly and many were leaving the game early. We stopped for a visit with mom, grandma, aunt Kelli, and uncle Keith. Irene drove from Oklahoma City to Stillwater while I slept. After we visited a little, I drove us home to Ponca City. We were exhausted. Completely exhausted. There's no question about if we had a workout today, not at all. Walking all around Frontier City was serious exercise. I had planned on writing this blog posting as soon as we got home, but I couldn't, I was just too tired. So we dropped in bed before midnight, on a Saturday night! We slept what had to be the best sleep ever. I can't remember the last time I slept better. A solid, uninterrupted ten hours of sleep, it was amazing.

So here we are on Sunday, publishing Saturday's post—it was absolutely necessary. I can't imagine what kind of nonsense I would have written had I tried to do it when we got home.
Thank you for reading! And I hope you enjoy the pictures and videos posted below. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


At over 500 pounds, I never needed a sign to tell me I couldn't ride. But they have them everywhere, just in case you forget.


My favorite picture of us. Ever.


Amber and Me, having fun!


Courtney and Me, having fun!


The four of us.


Lookin' good baby!


On top of the world!! Did I mention that I'm normally afraid of heights? Not today...hmm.


Amber, Courtney, and Courtney's best friend Dylan—strapped into the “Mind Bender.”



The Wildcat roller coaster history. As it turns out, this was also the first roller coaster Amber and Courtney ever climbed on years ago. Irene and I did today for our first time. Pretty cool stuff.


Another First!


Just a quick video before this ride and my phone get out of hand!


Ahoy Mates...on the giant ship ride.


Bumper cars! Don't look Dr. Amy!!


On top of the world, or uh, really close!

Day 376 A Crazy Dream and Praying For Jodi

Day 376

A Crazy Dream and Praying For Jodi

This time it's for real. Nothing can convince me otherwise. Not even a nightmare. I had a dream last night that I had gained back over a hundred pounds. It was a vivid dream, but I wasn't buying it. Have you ever done this? Where right in the middle of your dream you remind yourself that it's just a meaningless dream? Just a collection of your subconscious thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams, and experiences---all blended into one crazy late night movie playing inside your brain. It didn't startle me at all, not even a little. In my dream I had a third person thought of yeah right. I guess even my dreams don't quite realize just how different this time is from all the others. Dreaming about gaining a large amount of weight back and binging on ice cream and pizza didn't scare me, but it does make me wonder if deep down---like seriously deep down, do I really worry about that stuff? The mental changes I've made make it nearly impossible to go crazy on anything. I feel too good these days. I love the way I'm starting to look. More than all that, I love the way I have a clear perception of my success that includes a profound understanding of why I never had it before and why I'm having it now. This time it's for real. That crazy dream did nothing to shake my confidence, it simply gave me something to think about, and a paragraph for this blog. Because when it's for real, it's just too solid to ever believe we could go back. There is no gear for reverse on this happy train. So there! Take that crazy dream weaver!

We received some horrible news about JoEllen, my oldest sister in law. She has a cyst on the back of her brain. It's effecting her vision and giving her severe headaches. Many more doctors visits and maybe some kind of surgery is in her very near future. She just found out right before going in for surgery to remove her thyroid. She's still in the hospital. Our thoughts and prayers are with her always and even more so now. I keep reassuring Irene that it is possible for this to turn out alright. She could survive this and have a normal life again. It's too soon to try to convince JoEllen of this. While visiting her hospital bed tonight, she made mention of her hopelessness to survive this situation. I can't hear someone say something like “it's all over,” without offering positive words of encouragement and hope. That's just me. Old Sean-New Sean, doesn't matter---I have to hold onto something positive, always have. JoEllen politely snapped at me when I offered something positive. She has the right, she's the one facing this situation, I never have. It's easy for me to say. I understand. My prayer for her includes that she will be given as much hope as possible. Even just enough for her to grab a hold and pull herself up a little. It was heartbreaking in that room tonight. She's been through enough, why this? Why now? She did offer a smile and a laugh a couple of times. They were short and not super convincing, but it was a nice break from the constant sadness. Her next appointment with the doctor that discovered the cyst is on the seventh of October. I wonder if he'll move that date up?

Irene and I ran lines for a few hours last night. We worked on a very powerful scene and finally, I feel like I completely have it down. We're also planning on running lines on our trip to Frontier City tomorrow. I don't need a script to do this, so both hands will still be on the wheel and both eyes will be on the road. The other drivers along I-35 South will probably think I'm crazy, that's alright by me.

I've reached a point along this journey where the serious fun begins. Where everywhere I turn I'm experiencing things I could never do before. Tomorrow will be one of those days. I've written about my desire to go to a theme park with my family and actually fit on the rides. Well, tomorrow is the day that dream becomes reality. It'll be a completely different perspective from any theme park experience I've ever had. I can't wait to share the stories and the pictures of tomorrow's visit to Frontier City.

The Diane—Fit To The Finish interview is posted and ready for listening. Just click play on the player you see in the upper left hand corner of this blog page. It's very interesting. Anyone that's struggled with weight can relate and appreciate, and gain inspiration from her success. I've also posted archived interviews from Jack Sh*t and Tony “The Anti-Jared” Posnanski. You'll find those previous interviews further down the page on the left hand side. I hope you're able to listen to Diane's interview, I really enjoyed the conversation!

My calories and food choices were wonderful today. Irene and I worked out right here at home. We have so many wonderful workout choices at home thanks to Richard Simmons, the jump rope we purchased, the fitness trampoline, and a new DVD I won from Ang in her summer weight loss challenge! There's never really a good excuse for not working out when all you need to do is move, right? The other day Chris Williams, the director of the play I'm a part of, commented on this blog. I had talked about not working out as much lately because of my crazy schedule. He reminded me what a workout rehearsals can be, and they are. Movement of any kind. “Just move,” I need to remember my own words sometime!

Thank you for reading and following along on this most incredible journey. Wow, that sounded kind of boastful, and I'm not even apologizing about that. It is incredible. This has been everything and more than I ever thought it could be. And to think, I'm not even at my goal yet! This is pre-goal stuff! I still have a ways to go, but there's no denying---We've all come a very long way in very little time! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 375 A Vital Element To Long Term Success

Day 375

A Vital Element To Long Term Success

I think I first wrote about my father on Day 106. I did it because I realized that I had a lot of emotional baggage that I needed to get rid of completely. If I was going to fly, I thought, I needed to ease the weight on my mind. So I put it all out there. And again on Day 280, Fathers Day...It was all about him. You can find that fathers day post in the archives or just click this link: http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/2009/06/day-280-fathers-day-reflection-and-nice.html

Writing about my relationship with him has given me a clear understanding of the emotions I carried for so long. Why do I love him so much? After all, I've only been around him physically for two weeks out of my entire life. But somehow, I now feel like I know him. I couldn't reach this clarity before this journey, I was too busy resenting him and blaming him for everything I could. Through our communications over the last ten months, I've discovered the liberating sensation that real forgiveness provides everyone involved. I never knew the deep meaning of forgiveness until we wiped the slate clean and decided to start our relationship over.

My dad's comment on yesterday's blog was such a wonderful gift: “Son I have mixed tears when I think of you. They are tears of sorrow for not being there when you were growing up. To give you a shoulder to lean on when you needed one. To be your sounding board when the teasing got to much. To go with you at your school functions, and doing so with my head held high, because I was with my son. I know you went through a lot, and I cry inside because I was not there to be your rock. Now I allso have tears of joy and pride for what you have done, how you have turned self hate to self love. Even more then the pride I have in you, my pride for your mother is so great for what she has done to make you the man you are today. My admiration for Irene goes beyond words, for standing by your side and with you through it all. There can never be words that can fully say what I want to say. So the words I LOVE YOU and I AM PROUD OF YOU, will have to do. Take good care of your famley, and allways tell them how much they mean to you, because they tell you every day by their support of you. your dad” I'm going to see him someday again soon, I will. This comment today completely hit me in my emotional gut.

Sweet success yet another day. Is this really me? Is this the same guy that could never get it right before? Thamk you for following along. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 374 A Day In The Life and The Letter

Day 374

A Day In The Life and The Letter

Wednesday was another crazy day in the life of the “new” Sean. Some days are busier than others at work, today was one of the busier ones. After running errands in the afternoon, I headed straight for the bed. It had been my goal all day long and nothing was going to keep me from a nice nap. Except my phone. It kept ringing and ringing. Finally, as much as I hated to do it, I switched it to 'silent' and fell asleep. Irene had to go to work early today. I started cooking dinner on my lunch hour, well, I wasn't really cooking, I just turned the oven on and put in a turkey roast. I was just planning ahead. Then Irene reminded me, “I'm leaving at 2:00pm!” And Courtney had after school plans into the evening. So much for dinner, right? That roast is sitting in the fridge, fully cooked.

I enjoyed a mushroom and pepper jack egg white omelet for my “dinner for one.” I can have the heartiest mushroom and melted cheese omelet for a measly 140 calories, it's so good and incredibly filling.

Today was so busy in fact, I couldn't get it all done in the course of a normal workday. I returned to the station after play rehearsal and produced a commercial that had to start just after midnight. I completed the task at 11:40pm.

I sincerely appreciate the concern many have expressed over the craziness of my schedule of late. Let me assure you, I know when enough is enough, I really do. I also know when a nap is critical. And after things slow down in mid-October, my schedule will all of a sudden become much easier to handle...and the theory is I'll be able to manage it so much easier than before. I'm learning something from all of this, I really am. I'm not enduring this extreme schedule without learning some valuable lessons along the way. So it's all good.

Since I'm critically crunched for time and sleep is far too important, allow me to re-post one of my favorite blogs from the past 374 days. The following excerpt was from Day 135 titled “ A Thank You Letter To Morbid Obesity.” It was an exercise in positive thinking and I didn't realize how powerful it was to me until I had posted the thing on that cold January night. I couldn't even read it without bursting into tears. This blog has been such wonderful therapy for me. Here we go:

Every now and then I challenge myself to really think on a deep level. I strive for a better understanding of behavior. I try to dissect things on a psychological level, and since I have no formal education in psychology, I can come to some pretty far out reasonings. It doesn't really matter if I'm right or wrong because these are studies within myself. Today I started thinking about how it's good to find the positive side of all things. Even things that can't possibly have a good side, if you look hard enough, maybe it does. I hit a wall when I thought about applying this positive philosophy to being morbidly obese. By the way, I use the term “morbidly obese” because I hate that term. I don't like the way it sounds at all, and the first time a doctor used that term I thought he was making fun of me! To me, it was the same as him saying I was “disgustingly obese,” and when the term used is “grotesquely obese,” well that's even worse. If the doctor would have said “Sean, you are “making me want to throw up obese” it would have felt the same. Isn't “gross” short for grotesque? I've had both terms used on me by medical professionals and they were perfectly in line with medical terms. How could I find the good in my life long career of being “morbidly grotesque?” Ooh, combining the two is even worse. Anyway, I thought long and hard and finally came up with this: My “thank you” letter to morbid obesity.

Dear Morbid Obesity,

You suck. Sorry about that, it just popped out. Let me start again.

Dear Morbid Obesity,

Thank you for teaching me how to be compassionate toward others. By making me different and the subject of so much weight related bullying as a kid, you taught me to always care about other peoples feelings. Thank you for making me unique in an age when I was often the only fat kid in class, because it gave me added attention that I may have felt was lacking in other parts of my life. Thank you for giving me a very strong opinion against discrimination in all it's forms. By showing me the pain of being discriminated against based solely on my looks, you taught me to never judge a person based on appearance. Thank you for giving me the defense mechanism of a good sense of humor. Although it was sometimes masking emotional pain, laughter and making others laugh has always carried me through. Thank you for protecting me from every dangerous thing I would have tried had I been able to fit on that ride, or into that harness, or on that horse, or in that sports car, or whatever the dangerous situation could have been, you were there keeping me safe inside your embrace. Thank you for giving me a fashion sense born from complete insecurity. I know you don't give this fashion sense to every morbidly obese person, but it kept me from further ridicule because I never wore things too small, ever. You saved me from the spandex revolution, how can I properly thank you for that? To make me want to wear a big jacket when it was ninety degrees outside just to cover my boy boobs, well I have no choice but to conclude that you must love me more than other fat people, because if I had a dollar for every morbidly obese person I've witnessed in spandex and a shirt three sizes too small, I'd be wealthy. Thank you for giving me the ability to spot shallowness in others. I'll never forget the first time I was completely rejected by a girl who said out loud, in class “eeewwww, I would never go out with you.” She didn't take the time to see the good guy I was inside, to look into my heart and see the eighth grader that would have cherished her and respected her in a most grateful 8th grader way. She was shallow and without you I may not of recognized that side of humanity for many years. Without this “shallowness radar,” I may never have recognized the pure spirit in the eyes and heart of Irene Brake, my high school sweetheart and wife of nearly twenty years. Most of all, thank you for my life. Without you I don't know if my path would have been the same. Would I have my family that I hold so dear? Would I have found a career that felt so perfect for me, a career that allowed me to hide behind a microphone and communicate with people without them being able to see me? Without you, maybe, just maybe I would have become a complete jerk. Thank you for bringing me to this point in my life and keeping me in one piece along the way. But despite the flood of gratitude in this letter, you know your days are numbered here. We can't continue our relationship. Morbid obesity, I'm slowly shrinking out of you. I'm moving on to a life free of all the dangerous effects of our relationship. But I'll never forget all of the wonderful things you taught me, and for that I thank you from the bottom of my overworked heart.

Sincerely,
Sean

Nearly two hundred and forty days later, I still have a hard time reading that without getting seriously emotional. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 373 Never Forget and The Missed Workouts

Day 373

Never Forget and The Missed Workouts

I ran into an acquaintance at Wal-Mart this afternoon who hadn't seen me in a while. I guess it's been a few months. This transformation has really taken dramatic strides in the last ninety days, so her reaction was “look at you—still doing great I see!” We exchanged pleasantries and as I walked away she said “Have you forgotten what you use to feel like?” I turned and smiled, then replied, “Oh no, I'll never forget.” I never will forget what it felt like to be and live at over 500 pounds. I was there too long, I became a pro at navigating the restrictions. I had just accepted the role. With it came a long list of things I couldn't do, places I wouldn't fit, feelings of self-hatred, and scary feelings of uncertainty concerning my own mortality. I was miserable all the time, even though I could put on a smile and pretend I was comfortable in most any situation. I wasn't happy with myself at all, ever. I was just existing, getting by, surviving. I would go long stretches where losing weight was the absolute furthest thing from my mind. However, my misery was always on my mind and still I couldn't have cared less about the behaviors that kept me in that state, a tragic combination indeed. So, no...I'll never forget. Just can't.

Always remembering where I've been makes me extremely understanding and compassionate to those who are still imprisoning themselves. And yes, we do it to ourselves. It doesn't matter our circumstances, our behaviors, our emotions...it's our own doing. And we're the only ones that can change it.

I've once again missed my workout today. That makes about seven, maybe eight in the last couple of weeks. It's not good at all. I feel like I'm losing still, and that's great, but I know how important a consistent workout effort is when it comes to my ultimate goal. I'm really embarrassed by this major discrepancy in my performance lately. I'm not proud of this at all. But, (look out, here comes a good excuse, right?) BUT---I've made my schedule too tight, and when it's this crunched, things can't help but suffer. My workouts have been the hardest hit.
So as we approach the 280's, I must make a promise to myself right now to always get in some kind of exercise. Nothing crazy, just some kind of movement. Just like I tell people who are starting out, move! Anything helps the process, and it feels really good!

Courtney prepared dinner tonight. She made us a lean hamburger patty with baked crinkle cut fries. The beef was that 93/7 blend I've talked about before—only 160 calories per serving. The entire plate came in at under 400 calories.

The goatee is gone. I have to shave it for the play and now was the time. As much as I complained about it at first, I kind of miss the thing. It'll be back in early November, no problem. I'll have to post a “below 300 without a goatee” picture soon. Maybe along with the “Lost” before picture I re-discovered today. This “before” picture is a big full-body shot standing next to a 210 pound 5'10” ---and i still make him look tiny. I'll get it posted soon.

The Diane—Fit To The Finish interview is still in need of editing, but will be posted in the next couple of days.

I'm headed to bed. Thank you for reading! And welcome to all of the new readers, including my cousin Debbie. She's been a Myspace reader from Day 1. Today was her first visit to this blog! Welcome Debbie! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 372 Lost Monday and The "Call Me Henry" Audio Trailer

Day 372

Lost Monday and The “Call Me Henry” Audio Trailer

I can't complain about my schedule, it's my own doing. It doesn't really give much room for error and I really need room for error! Anyway, we're managing. It might be busy, but it's certainly rewarding. Last year at this time I couldn't imagine doing the things I'm getting to do now. This is living, perhaps at a little faster pace than is healthy, but it's living. It's like I'm a little kid on a candy store shopping spree and I'm in the biggest hurry to grab as much and do as much as I can. I have to remember, I'm not under a timer. I can still do everything I want to do in time, just not all at once.

I'm really getting excited about the play. It's a time commitment that I probably shouldn't have made, but I did, and I'll commit 110% till the very end. The play is so rewarding for me and it's something I would have never done at over 500 pounds, so it really means a lot to me. Last night at rehearsal, we spent our time away from the stage—and into the studio producing an audio trailer for the production. This kind of production is becoming a trend in theatre around this part of the country. It was very fun, but very time consuming. The two minute twenty-four second trailer took five hours to fully produce. Recording each actor, selecting the music, making sure that my “announcer” part sounded different from “Hank,” and then putting it all together under the direction of Chris Williams was a task for sure, but now that it's done, well worth the effort. Very dramatic, very effective. You can listen to the trailer, just click play on the divShare mp3 player located directly under the list of “Weight Loss Superheroes” on the left hand side of this blog page.

By the time my Monday turned into Tuesday, it became an easy decision to get sleep before attempting to write anything. The plan was to jump up early and write before leaving this morning, but I was too tired to even hear the alarm until I had just enough time to get to the studio.

We have had a “Flat-Out” and Joseph's Pita crisis lately. Wal-Mart hasn't had them in stock! There's still a place for them on the shelf, but they haven't had any for over a week. We grabbed a low cal-whole wheat tortilla to substitute, but it's not the same! I spoke with a manager and he told me they would probably get them back in not long, I certainly hope so!
I recently discovered the tastiness of a mushroom and pepper jack omelet. Wonderful flavor and only 150 calories total! Had one yesterday and today!

It feels so good on this long and winding road out of morbid obesity. By the way, I found another “Lost” before picture, I'll post that one real soon. Good day and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 371 Maintaining The Original Purpose and Mirror Therapy

Day 371

Maintaining The Original Purpose and Mirror Therapy

I've been getting congratulations lately from many friends concerning the fact that I officially crossed the 200 followers mark. (Warning: Ego talking next!) Of course I know that many more people read this blog than 200. Why, just around Oklahoma locally, I'm sure that hundreds, no thousands---make this blog a part of their daily routine. A dose of weight loss inspiration to keep them going, or perhaps get them back on track. OK, maybe not “thousands,” But hundreds? OK, maybe tens of readers read without ever clicking the follow button. But officially, it's over 200, we know that for sure. Very nice, but...

It's very important to always maintain a level head about that number. The writing of the blog is the most important thing. The readership of the blog is great, but it's not the most important thing. I encourage people to write everyday about their weight loss journey. If you can really open up and be completely honest with yourself about this road you're on, about where you've been, and where you want to go, then it can really be therapeutic. This self-honesty should never be altered or compromised for the sake of satisfying readers. This blog is for me. That's how it started and that's how it is to this day. The fact that many say that they find inspiration within these writings is a wonderful bonus reward. It really fills me with joy.

You might be surprised to know that up until somewhere around day 200, This blog had less than 10 “official” followers. I didn't have a follow button displayed prominently on the page at all. I posted day in and day out, often times going ten, twenty, even thirty days without a comment on the “global” version. I have to distinguish between the myspace version and the content-identical blogspot version, because my cousin Debbie has commented almost every single day of this journey. You don't see her comments very often because it's always on myspace. Proof of this can be found by going back in the archives and reading from Day 1. Notice how many posts have zero comments, there's a bunch. Some of the most critical days on this road, some of the biggest epiphanies in the last 371 Days have come and gone without a comment one. But those comment-less days still did exactly what was intended. They taught me something, sometimes ground-breaking---that's right, earth shattering things about myself. I'm overjoyed that my experiences might inspire someone else too. But you know what? If I lost every single reader tomorrow, I'd still write the same blog everyday. That's important.

I attended a dance workshop today. It was a workshop sponsored by ReAct, the same organization producing “Call Me Henry,” the play I'm doing right now. I walked into the class and discovered that the wall was just one big mirror. Great! It's like seeing yourself as someone across the room. I don't think I could've handled this at 505 pounds, but today I did. Despite my success, it was still hard. But the more I looked at that guy across the room today, the more I realized how happy I am with him. I do like what I see in that mirror. That guy is really getting there. That guy has completely changed his appearance, and it's wonderful. With a picture, you can just put it away, or scroll-click your way away from it, but in that dance workshop today---I couldn't escape myself. There I was. That's what I really look like now. The mirror doesn't lie, well...at least this one doesn't. That was really me over there dancing to Huey Lewis and The News music. Me? Dancing? The new experiences never stop it seems. “Mirror therapy,” that's what I call what I did today. And it was good. Real good. I needed to see myself like that. I needed to put to rest my impatient expectations and realize and enjoy the incredible progress I've achieved. That wonderful transformation was staring back at me for over two hours.

I packed a lunch to eat between the workshop and play rehearsal tonight. It was a 400 calorie pack of cantaloupe, a Nutri-Grain bar, and a ham and cheese wrap on a whole wheat tortilla. It was really good stuff. By the time play rehearsal was over I still had 680 calories remaining for the day. Lauren brought some of her birthday cake to play practice to share with everyone. And when she proclaimed that she didn't want to take the last piece of chocolate cake home, so somebody better eat it...I knew that it was time for me to step up! It was a really small piece. I had half of it. The half with icing, yes...chocolate icing. It was small enough that counting it as 100 calories is probably an over-estimate, but that's alright. It was very good. Happy birthday Lauren.

I better wrap this edition now. I've got to get my Monday started! Thanks for reading! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 370 Transformation of Confidence and A Legendary Saturday Evening

Day 370

Transformation of Confidence and A Legendary Saturday Evening

My Saturday morning started with preparing omelets for our guest. I love doing this. It's funny, I use to pride myself on making the biggest, fluffiest, most calorie laden omelets you ever put a fork into, now---well, it's the complete opposite. Oh don't get me wrong, my omelets are still filling and incredibly awesome, they just have an amazingly low calorie value! I can make a 161 calorie omelet that will trick your brain into thinking it's at least three or four hundred. We enjoyed Southwestern Omelets this morning. Each one contained three egg whites (51 calories), a veggie blend of mushrooms, onions, and green bell pepper (15 calories), ½ ounce of thinly sliced low-fat part skim mozzarella (35 calories), and a few strips of Southwestern marinated chicken breast (60 calories). Salt and pepper to taste and there you have it...a 161 calorie feast of a breakfast that leaves you full and completely satisfied. The tricks? I use zero calorie non-stick cooking spray instead of real butter. I didn't use any milk this time. And the biggest difference: Seventeen calorie egg whites instead of seventy calorie whole eggs! Thanks again Linda S. for the egg separators, I use them everyday! Instead of getting “oohs and ahs” over the massiveness and cheesy oozeiness of my omelets, I get even more “oohs and ahs” now over the incredibly delicious, perfectly filling, and unbelievably low calorie count. I like that much better!

After breakfast we conducted a table reading of a screenplay Irene and I authored back in 2003-2004. It's called “Harlem To The Hills,” and it's a wonderful comedy with an awesome message. We forgot how funny it was until we had Rachel and Neal's reaction. They loved it! Seriously, they really did. We really didn't plan on reading the whole thing, but Rachel and Neil were emotionally involved with the characters, they had to know how it ended! So we did it all.

I mention that screenplay for one reason. You see, that screenplay has collected dust for nearly six years. We spent countless hours writing, rewriting, and rewriting a few times more over a period of a year to get that thing finished, and then we just let it sit in a drawer. Why? Why wouldn't we at least put some kind of effort into pitching this work? The answer: Zero self-confidence. Zero. Losing weight and feeling great makes us want to live, it gives us a confidence we've never known, it's shows us how we have limited ourselves in the past and how anything is possible in the future. When you're carrying around so much excess weight, it can completely strip your self-confidence and negatively effects anything and everything you do. The rewards of losing weight and finally feeling good about ourselves, positively effects everything we do, touch, see, feel, and think. There's no guarantee that this screenplay will ever see the silver screen, the reality is: very few do, even really good ones and that's not being negative—that's just the challenging reality screenwriters face, but you can bet it will not be for lack of trying. And someday, when time affords us the luxury, we'll write more. There's plenty to write about in the idea drawer of our minds.

Speaking of self-confidence, Courtney just got home from her friends house and proudly and confidently announced her break-up with her boyfriend. It wasn't a hard thing for her to do. The boy is a good kid, and she said he took it well. She's focusing on her right now. Her weight loss and fitness journey, her school work, it's all prioritized above a boyfriend right now. This is Courtney time. She's a smart girl. I don't know how we did it, raising these smart, level headed kids, but I give Irene the biggest share of the credit. We're very proud of them both. I hope Courtney's ex-boyfriend is really taking this well. I'm confident he doesn't read these writings, but just in case: It wasn't you, it was her. (by the way---I didn't care for the picture I found of you kissing her—eyes closed, really? What were you thinking about? Never mind---don't answer that.) Listen, Courtney is sailing my friend, sailing with a confidence she's never known. Through good choices, she's navigating toward the Courtney she wants to become, one day at a time, one good choice at a time. And right now that sail boat is just big enough for her and all of her hopes and dreams. Someday she'll get a bigger boat.

Irene and I spent the evening enjoying a couple of musical stars. The radio station I work for was sponsoring a concert at the Poncan Theatre tonight and I was asked to MC the show. Becky Hobbs was the opening act. Becky enjoyed tremendous success as a solo artist on the country charts, and superstar success as a writer of hit songs for the likes of Conway Twitty, George Jones, and Alabama. She's the writer of Alabama's touching song “Angels Among Us.” The headlining act was Wanda Jackson. She was recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. She dated Elvis! It was so amazing to watch her perform. Even in her older years, she hasn't lost her voice---not even a little. She was a pleasure to work with last night and was as nice as can be. It was fun to introduce Irene to her and Becky. We took pictures, they're posted below!

I've included a head shot of me on stage at the Poncan Theatre at over 500 pounds. I tried to find some full body before pictures of me on stage there, and I know they exist, but the closest I came was a shot of me with dear momma in front of the marquee with my name “in lights.”

The director of the theatre introduced me to the audience and prior to this, he insisted on talking about my weight loss. I told him no. I didn't want him to mention it because this show wasn't about me, it was about these talented performers. I'm there to talk about and introduce the artist, not talk about my weight loss success. I wasn't performing, I was announcing. But still, Dave insisted. He strolled out in front of the hundreds in attendance and dropped the “he's lost 213 pounds.” Even though I didn't want him to do it, I must admit—The collective reaction from a crowd of that size is something very cool indeed. The thundering ovation was just short of standing. It was an amazing feeling.

During intermission I was approached by a nice lady who introduced herself as a doctor. She's a retired Psychiatrist. I hadn't met her before, and it was an honor to meet her tonight. She told me that she came to my stand-up performance in June of 2008 when I was at my heaviest and she just couldn't believe the difference in me tonight. She was heavy too, and shared with me that she could tell that I was never comfortable using so much weight related material. She was full of praise, and then shared with me some delightful news. She's lost forty pounds and is losing sixty more! I'm so happy for her. She really made me feel like a million bucks with her compliments. Thank you doctor!

Irene and I absolutely loved the show! After hanging out to chat and take pictures, we headed home for a late dinner and a night of running lines for “Call Me Henry.” We ended up hitting the hay at four in the morning.

I know that my weekends have developed a habit of posting the next day for the day before instead of the night of. I hope you'll forgive me. It's a product of this crazy schedule I've created. The wonderful thing is this: It's a temporary time crunch, seriously. After the schedule returns to a more manageable one, I'll be able to re-prioritize everything important to me, putting it all back in it's proper place and perspective.

The Diane—Fit To The Finish Interview is waiting to be edited and ready for “air” around Tuesday or Wednesday. It was a wonderful interview and I can't wait for you to listen! The promotional announcement is loaded into the divShare player in the upper left hand side of this page. I hope you give it a listen.

My mom asked me, “so—how was Frontier City?” Oh yeah! I forgot to mention that we changed the date for that amusement park adventure. We're now shooting for the 26th instead. I completely forgot that I had mentioned the 19th as the day of our trip. We postponed it about a week ago when we realized some serious scheduling conflicts, like M.C.ing the concert tonight. I'm so looking forward to that trip. You talk about freedom to live, freedom to fit in, freedom to enjoy ourselves. Oh my, this transformation thing is all about freedom! Thanks for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Before—On stage head shot at over 500 pounds.


My dear Mom and Me—Under the marquee with my name. Both at our highest weight a couple of years ago.


A random before picture-- Age 14—with Aunt Kelli. I couldn't have been too much smaller than I am now. That's my Vespa. No wonder I was a fat kid. All the other kids had bicycles, I had a motorized bike. Pedaling was for sissys...slim and trim sissys.


On stage tonight. Side view---I love it! I can't believe that's me up there!


Another stage shot from tonight.


Out of focus—but still revealing of my slimmer appearance.


Irene and me with recording artist and hit songwriter Becky Hobbs.


The two of us with Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Wanda Jackson!


Wanda Jackson's autographed picture.

Day 369 Good Friends, Good Food, and A Good Friday

Day 369

Good Friends, Good Food, and A Good Friday

Once again I noticed something strange at work today. The other morning a sales rep showed up with a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. The box said 190 calories for one. I passed. And so did a bunch of other people at the studio. Four days later, that box of a dozen Krispy Kremes still contained seven. Wow, somebody throw them in the trash already! It's delightful to see this kind of change around the studio, it's a much different environment these days. There was a time when it was all about the food. We would spend a half hour deciding what we would eat for lunch, somebody would “fly,” and sometimes the boss would buy. We would sit around the conference table and stuff ourselves with all kinds of calories. And if we had a new restaurant on the air, we had to try out the food, and a bunch of it by golly! Doughnuts never stood a chance in that building before. A box would last maybe a couple of hours, three or four at the most, or even as little as thirty minutes. Now a box of doughnuts spoils before even half of them are gone and I can't remember the last we all gathered for a lunchtime feast at the conference table. It just doesn't happen anymore. I'm not taking complete credit for this change in behaviors around me, it's not just me, it's everyone being more aware of what they consume. It's a wonderful thing.

In Thursday night's edition I quoted Zaababy's blog (www.zaaisshrinking.blogspot.com). She mentioned how a good friend of hers has exercised without changing her eating habits and hasn't lost an ounce. While she has stuck to 1500 calories a day and done the same exercise and lost nearly fifty pounds. She deduced that you can't lose weight by exercise alone. I know what she meant, and I'm sure you did too, but I certainly wanted to address the particulars briefly. If you have the kind of eating habits that made you morbidly obese, the kind that took me to over 500 pounds, and you simply add a little walking to the day, I seriously doubt it will be enough to lose weight. But if your food is under control already and you exercise without the need to cut down in the food department, then yes, you can lose weight with exercise alone. Another reader sounded as if she was offended at the proclamation that you can't lose weight with exercise alone. That other reader talked about how she lost 40 pounds with exercise alone. And that's completely possible, absolutely---Hey, she's done it! But you must remember, we're talking apples and oranges here. Everybody is different. The person who loses weight without changing their eating habits, relying solely on exercise to burn the fat, is obviously already eating responsibly to a degree. They must be, one would think! The bottom line is: Both of them deserve congratulations. So congrats to you both! When I noticed the comments the two left for each other on my blog, I wanted to say “Ladies, ladies, please...you're both right. You're both right for the individuals you're talking about.” Zaa's friend can exercise all day long, but with horrible food behaviors, she'll never see the scale budge. While Ashley's workouts are enough to drop the weight without changing what I would assume are pretty decent eating habits. (with a big Sean smile) Can't we all just get along? ;)

I was busy at the station this afternoon until shortly after 5pm. No play rehearsal tonight, but we had friends scheduled to arrive at 6:30pm. I called them and requested they arrive around 7:30pm because I wanted, no check that, I had to have a nap. And that's exactly what I did, Irene too. We napped until nearly 8pm. Our company was left outside for a while ringing the doorbell and knocking on our doors and windows trying to wake us from our required slumber. We felt bad about them having trouble getting inside, but Rachel and Neal understand what our schedules demand, and they were completely understanding about the situation.

Usually we grill on the patio when they come over, but this time they insisted on taking Irene and me to dinner out, their treat. Courtney was working at the radio station so it was just the four of us. We enjoyed JW Cobbs, and it was the first time Rachel and Neil had ever been there. They love it too! They both could see how the place is loaded with good and bad choices. I explained to them our strategy at a restaurant. My drink order is always water with extra lemons. We order from the senior menu or the kids menu if it's allowed. If not, we'll order a regular meal and split it in half. Gravy is always on the side and low calorie veggies are always picked as a side. Well, I guess it depends on how many calories we want to “invest,” we've picked corn or fried okra before—but it's always a small serving and it's always counted. We stay clear of the bread, and if we do enjoy a roll---it's always half or a quarter, not the whole thing. We don't usually do desert either, at least not at the restaurant. Rachel and I did have a junior frozen yogurt twist on a cake cone (“cake” cone sounds horrible, it's not---in fact it's the lowest calorie cone you can use) from Braum's ice cream and dairy store. The desert was under 150, small, cute, tasty, and completely satisfying without breaking the calorie budget.

Thank you for all the wonderful comments and suggestions offered after I revealed my insecurities about my appearance now. I'm very fine with it, and I realize that I have work to do, BUT---I would have to be completely blind not to realize that I look light years better than I did at 505. And all of the things I don't like about my appearance right now are things that I control through weight training and continued success. I'm getting there!

I put on some slacks and tucked in a shirt and guess what? It really doesn't look bad! I was surprised. My fears and all that anxiety about tucking during the play just melted away like my fat. I just might become a “tucker” after all, hmm...very different outlook on everything!

After our dinner (oh by the way, I had the senior portion fried catfish!---I've had it several times in the last year.) we returned home to play cards at the dining room table. Our guest brought some adult beverages and we chose to imbibe a little. I was sitting at 1100 calories for the day, so with 400 left I enjoyed a few zero calorie ice teas flavored with 100 calories worth of vodka. We're typically not drinkers, never have been, we don't keep a bar or any alcohol in the house, ever, but occasionally we cut loose a little and enjoy a drink. My addictions have luckily never been alcohol or drugs, just nicotine and ice cream. All of it can be deadly when abused. And all of it can be enjoyed (except maybe nicotine) in responsible portions. We had fun. I still don't care for drinking my calories, just don't like it at all. But for special occasions with friends, I'm flexible in a reasonable way.

I read a comment left on my wife's blog (www.livinlarge09.blogspot.com) from a wonderful blogger who admitted that he sometimes waits until 12:01am to eat anything extra so he can use calories from the next days budget. I use to do this during past weight loss attempts, not this one...Anyway, it made me think of Day 24's blog posting titled “Calories On Credit” and “The List.” You guessed it, here comes another excerpt: I know it might sound harsh and a little extreme, but it goes back to my calorie/money analogy. If you have 1500 dollars to spend everyday (wouldn't that be nice) and you spend it all, but then you really want something, you just can't. The money is gone for the day. Could you have managed it better throughout the day? Perhaps, but the choices have been made already and you'll get another load of cash, er calories in the morning! I have to be that strict, because when you start making deals with yourself, and you start buying calories on credit, it can signal the beginning of the end. Buying “calories on credit” is when you say to yourself...”I know that I'm out of calories today, but I'm just gonna eat 200 more, then I'll eat 200 less tomorrow”...OR... “I'll go ahead and eat an extra piece, but I'll exercise 15 minutes longer to make up for it”. I've always been a pro at rationalizing bad choices. I can convince myself that the worst choice possible is a fantastic idea! And that can be very dangerous, because at a certain point it just becomes lying to yourself, and when that starts, it's really over unless you regain total control that very minute, I mean NOW. Blogger friend, there are many things that have gone into my success over the last year, and rock-solid calorie budget integrity is a vital component. Hope you don't mind me sharing my opinion. I didn't mention you by name, but you're no “fool.” You're doing an amazing job and I love reading your blog. I just read what you wrote and it reminded me of me from way back.

I'm taking Irene to a concert at the Poncan Theatre Saturday night. KLOR is sponsoring the “Pioneering Women of Rock and Roll” concert with Wanda Jackson and Becky Hobbs. I'm getting on stage and introducing the artist. It should be a blast! After the show, we plan on running script lines again most of the night. Have a wonderful Saturday! Thanks for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 368 Truly A Change? Or Just A Means To A Temporary End?

Day 368

Truly A Change? Or Just A Means To A Temporary End?

I thought I would start tonight's blog by clarifying a couple of things. I received an e-mail from a reader who acted shocked that I ate a deep fried Oreo the other night. They were very nice about it and concluded the e-mail with “as one of your other readers said, I guess you've earned that break.” First of all, thank you for reading, secondly---it wasn't a “break,” or a “treat,” or a “celebratory” deep fried Oreo. It was simply a deep fried Oreo. I made room for it in the calorie budget and enjoyed it immensely, perhaps you watched the video I posted, that was a genuine reaction! I wasn't “off-plan,” there is no “plan” here, you know that, right? The only thing that might resemble a plan is making good choices in terms of portion size and overall consumption.

“Good choices” certainly doesn't mean never eating something we feel is forbidden. These are real life eating situations, and if a deep fried Oreo or something else equally as sinful shows up at the “party,” then it's great to know that I can handle it in a perfectly responsible way. Adherence to a strict 1500 calorie budget has taught me to make wise “investment” choices regarding portions, and sometimes that means having a deep fried Oreo, or splitting a piece of cheesecake with Courtney, or enjoying an ice cream cone. You really must throw away your list of “forbidden” foods. The “forbidden” part shouldn't exist. It only serves to discourage us if we choose to enjoy even a small portion. The thought of, oh my, I just blew it is a powerful thought that can lead to complete destruction of the changes you're aiming to make. Nothing is off limits. If you think I'm nuts, I've got the track record to prove I'm not.

Here's an excerpt from Day 229 titled “What If It Was Impossible To Cheat:” My number one rule from the beginning has been to keep it simple. And I do, completely! It almost sounds too good to be true. I've lost 156 pounds so far because I've kept everything simple, there's absolutely zero deprivation, and I have the freedom to adapt to any food situation. Nothing is off limits. I've decided that there are no “right” or “wrong” foods, only good and bad calorie values. This makes a huge difference to me psychologically. In the past, one wrong food choice and I was done until next time. Next time might be a week or a month away, in some cases a year or two away. Why I ever allowed one meal or one food item to completely derail my efforts in the past, I have no idea. But I'm not the only one! I've talked with several people who have said the same thing. One double cheeseburger and, “Well, I failed again. Maybe next time I can keep it together, let's go get a banana split!” Not anymore, and that's a major difference in my approach this time. Could you lose weight if it was impossible to cheat? That's why it's so effective. Now of course you have to watch the serving size. You have to be honest about the portions and the calories, but for me there isn't a food that simply eating would be considered cheating. Really, it all comes down to being honest with yourself. Complete 100% honesty is paramount to my success. The rationalizations and excuses that made me feel better about overeating were completely eliminated as soon as I made myself get honest about my habits. Suddenly I was free to excel.

The other issue I felt compelled to address came from my mentioning of how the weight loss industry loves the fact that most people have decided that losing weight is extremely hard. I then mentioned weight loss pill commercials that also, in fine print or a hushed tone, recommend “regular diet and exercise.” A good blogging friend mentioned a friend of theirs that was taking some pills to aid in weight loss efforts, and without starting any kind of exercise program, she's still lost weight with the pills and eating twice a day. Let me say this: Anything works. Whatever works, BUT---You have to consider something vitally important. It's something I never considered until this current journey, and it's exactly why I never lost weight successfully before now. Is what we're doing or taking just a means to lose weight? Or is it truly a change in our deep seeded behaviors and addiction with food? Are we simply going through the motions needed to drop weight without really changing the way we think? Because anything will work. I could have had a shake for breakfast and lunch, followed by a balanced meal in the evenings---I could have done that religiously for that last 368 days, and I would have more than likely lost just as much weight. BUT---and here's the BIG BUT... Using the meal replacement method or taking special pills to help lose weight is avoiding the real issues that brought me to over 500 pounds in the first place. To better explain, here's an excerpt from Day 170: You can lose weight on just about every product and plan out there. But if it doesn't address and include real world everyday food choices, how to make better choices, and really teaches about portion control, then it's just a temporary thing. If it doesn't require a person to gain a deeper understanding of their habits and personal psychology that made them fat in the first place, then it's just a temporary thing. Whenever I hear the words “meal replacement,” as in bars or shakes, I just have to “shake” my head and “pound” the bar. It's amazing to me that billion dollar companies have been built on plans that include “meal replacement” products. I don't know about you, but I like real food. I wouldn't want to eat a bar for breakfast and a shake for lunch everyday for the rest of my life. But I do plan on eating real food for the rest of my life. When the goal is met, and a person becomes another “meal replacement success,” Their success inspires others to try it, and the cycle and money machine continues to roll along. In the meantime, the first person who met their goal weight is facing real food again, and since they didn't address their old habits, they just replaced them, they go back to the same old behaviors and gain back the weight and often times more. Some might say “Sean, are you being a weight loss snob?” No way! What's right is right. And when a person stops searching for a quick fix or magic solution, or something to do it for them, and they start doing the mental exercises, confronting their habits and emotions, they start eating better and smaller portions, and they start moving again, they end up discovering that they can have success without spending a fortune on special plans or products.

And when it comes to losing weight simply by eating less—without exercise, ZaaBaby said it best recently on her blog: www.zaaisshrinking.blogspot.com : “I told HER how much I lost and she said 'from the walking?' and I said no, from eating no more than 1500 calories a day. The walking is just icing on the cake, so to speak. I explained this incredibly complex deduction that I deduced ALL ON MY OWN:
You can lose weight by eating less
You can lose weight by eating less and exercising
You can NOT lose weight by exercising alone
See how complicated that is? I told her how my friend and I walked everyday together and I limited my food intake and she didn't change one thing and I've lost almost 50 pounds and my friend has lost NOTHING NADA NOT ONE TINY OUNCE.” Zaa, I certainly hope you don't mind me posting this excerpt! You can lose weight without exercise, but you can't lose weight without cutting down your consumption.

Today was a wonderful day. Busy, but wonderful. And wonderful doesn't mean perfect. I actually fell asleep for a short nap on my lunch break. I ended up sleeping an hour and a half instead of forty-five minutes and that put me horribly late on my return to the studio. Employers frown on this type of thing, and for good reason. I ended up staying till after 5pm trying to make up for it, actually I was just getting done what had to be done. Despite the crazy schedule, I still managed to get a workout in by walking a quick, or “hard” two miles and utilizing the jump rope.

Courtney and I shared a foot long ham sandwich from Subway for dinner. Irene was away on business tonight. With her twelve hour shift and the all day business trip to Oklahoma City with her colleagues---she just wrapped a twenty-seven hour shift. 27 hours straight. How is that even possible without collapsing? She did it alright. So if you ever wonder why she hasn't posted a new entry in the last day or two, now you know. The good news? Irene now has three full days off before she returns on Monday.

Play rehearsal was fantastic tonight. We completely ran through Act 1 of the production. It's going to be awesome! Last night at rehearsal, I brought a camera and had Producer Stephanie Williams take some rehearsal stills. I was going to post them last night, but I just couldn't. I wanted Irene to have a chance to see them first, but I also had another reason for not posting. It was too late and I was too tired. OK, there was still another reason, I'll get to the honest bare truth about the biggest reason why I didn't post them. It's true I much preferred sharing them with Irene before posting, it's true that it was late and I was tired, but I just didn't like the way I looked in them. I obviously have some serious self-image issues. I'm looking better than i ever have in my entire life, but I'm still able to look at a picture and find reasons to hate it. I tell myself, “Sean, just keep working out---get in there and get the weight training in and your body will transform to your liking, it's all good.” But even still---I look at these pictures and think, my head, shoulders, and upper body are much thinner than my lower body! And I thought I looked better than that! I have horrible muscle tone. Why do I insist being so critical of myself? After all my success, isn't that nuts? Completely nuts. I may need counseling, I'm being completely serious about that. I'm posting the pictures tonight anyway. I'm not “fishing” for compliments, so don't think that. I just thought it might be interesting to see some behind the scenes rehearsal pics, and I'm making a point to force myself to get over this ridiculous hang-up on my personal appearance—I must post them for that reason.

I better wrap this up and carry Irene to her bed. She's preciously sleeping in her recliner with the TV blasting. OK, I'm not really strong enough to even carry a small child, let alone Irene or any other adult---but I meant that figuratively, not literally. I will be strong enough some day, I really will! And then Irene is going to get sick of me picking her up! I can just imagine her saying... “Sean, seriously—put me down already! You Incredible Hulk of a man!” Shhh, I'm dreaming. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Doris and Hank dreaming of their future. Lauren Donahue is Doris.






Henny and Hank. Isaac Cervantis is Henny.


Hank and Miss Logan. Carol Harris is Miss Logan.




Another Doris and Hank picture

“Call Me Henry” is a ReAct production and opens October 8th with additional performances the ninth, tenth, eleventh, sixteenth, and seventeenth in the beautiful Wilken Theatre on the campus of Northern Oklahoma College in historic Tonkawa, Oklahoma. For more information visit www.reactatnoc.com

Day 367 Another Pound and Is It Hard?

Day 367

Another Pound and Is It Hard?

Today was weigh day and I completely forgot to send out the weigh day update! Well, it's not too bad because I sent one on Monday. I wasn't expecting too much more than the three pound loss from Monday's Day 365 weigh-in. I added another pound! I'm down to 292. Total lost: 213 pounds! I'm very happy about that. The extra pound lost today makes this two week period end with a four pound loss, and I'm thrilled with that! I think my days of being upset about “small” losses are over. My anxiety over my weight is gone now. If I lose a couple of pounds a week all the way down to my ultimate goal, then fine by me!

I'm already needing a belt with the latest jean size of 42. I think a 40 would fit just fine! That really feels good to say. It'll be so magical to hit the 30's. You know that as soon as I can wear 38's, I'll be writing about it! I'm already writing about the anticipation. It'll be great.

I'm very lucky to have such an amazingly supportive wife. Not only does she support my weight loss efforts, she's also lost over 140 pounds! It's a mutual support thing, really! Irene posted a wonderful blog the other day that she dedicated to me in honor of my one year anniversary. If you haven't already, you can read it at www.livinlarge09.blogspot.com She's a very special woman. My beautiful buddy of twenty-two years! I love you girl!

I've heard several people lately express “how hard” it is to lose weight. It reminded me of an early post, so I thought I would post this excerpt from Day 18 titled “It's Hard! Or Is It?” My entire life I've always thought of weight loss as something that's really hard to do. I've convinced myself that it is so difficult, the mere thought of it makes me want to eat a Twinkie out of complete terror. But isn't that what most of us think? I can't count how many times I've heard someone say “it's so hard to lose weight!”...And I agree, if that's what we decide it is, then it is hard. The big multi-billion dollar weight loss industry loves this perception, because it's a perfect mindset for them to drop in and say... “hey, we have an easy solution for you to try!”. I always get a big kick out of weight loss product commercials that tout an amazing solution, only to include the disclaimer... “with regular diet and exercise”. Ok, so we eat less and exercise more and we take these expensive little pills too, and like magic, wallah! We're slim and fit! So many people fail to listen closely to this, or they'd realize that if you eat less and exercise more, you're more than likely going to lose weight---whether you're taking some expensive pills or not! It's all about your mindset. I've talked about this before in this blog. This journey to lose weight and get in shape is hard if I say it is. But I say it's not. It's not hard! There, I said it! All I am doing is eating normal portions, I'm not over eating, and I'm exercising...and everyday I feel better than the day before. And along the way I'm learning how to eat better and how to exercise right, and these are skills that will keep me fit forever. When you're completely focused and determined it is easy. And once you're in this mode it's very difficult for something to shake you away from it. I knew I had to find this mode, this gear if you will, I knew that if I didn't find this attitude, then I would forever be a victim continually suffering from the consequences of my size and bad habits. I've encountered extremely stressful situations during this first 18 days, yet one thing that hasn't changed is my calorie counting and exercise plan. It doesn't change, no matter the circumstances. Circumstances that would normally send me to the nearest convenience store for a pint of “comfort” food (ice cream), don't stand a chance against this rock solid determination. If I lost my job and became homeless tomorrow I believe I would still be counting calories and probably be walking much more than I do know. It's that important that I lose this weight. The effects of losing this weight and getting in shape are really exciting to think about! I truly believe that my excessive weight has held me back for many years. I often wonder where my family would be had I done this years ago...What could all that confidence have done for us? At the risk of sounding boastful, I know I have the talent to be in a big market, with a big station and a big salary...So after 20 years in radio, why haven't I made it there? Lack of confidence? Breaking chairs during big interviews? I've been way to busy gravitating to the line of least resistance! It's too easy to settle at that line and get by and accept the current situations that make up our daily lives. It's way too easy to NOT take control and do this. But once I made a real committed decision to change it became easy to do this. I'm excited to dream of what the future may hold for my family and friends at the end of this journey and the beginning of the rest of our wonderful lives! By the way, a Twinkie is 150 calories.

Oh, and that's a regular Twinkie without being deep fried!
Thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 366 Anniversary Reflections and Fair Happenings--The Deep Fried Oreo

Day 366

Anniversary Reflections and Fair Happenings—The Deep Fried Oreo

Today was the official one year anniversary of this walk of freedom, September 15th, 2009. The comments and e-mails, the messages and phone calls, it was all such a wonderful experience. “Thank you” doesn't seem to be enough really. Your kindness, your compliments, your support, it's all a very rich blessing to me.

I completely forgot to share my Day 365 weigh-in from Monday. I meant to share it in last night's blog. I did send it out via text, Facebook, e-mail, and a few personal calls, but totally forgot to mention it in these writings. I normally will not weigh outside of of an official bi-weekly weigh-in. You normally couldn't make me weigh any other time. But Day 365 was an exception. I wanted to see the number for one year. I walked into the doctors office ready for anything, ready to put a nice bow on a wonderfully transforming year, and knowing that no matter what the scale showed, I was a success. I stepped on and it quickly registered 293.4---I stood there for several seconds, then stepped down to repeat the process. Again the scale gave me 293.4---To say I was thrilled would be a giant understatement. I was beyond thrilled. I was on a level of thrilled I didn't even know existed until now. One year: 212 pounds lost. An average of .58 pounds per day and 4 pounds per week. Consistency has rewarded me with an almost unimaginable accomplishment.

Today quickly got out of control. I'm speaking of time management. I was on the air from 6am to 9am, then into production until 11:10am before I had to rush home and meet Irene for our trip to an appointment we had at 11:30am. I was back at work by 1:20pm for more production work, with the plan being that I would interview Diane, Fit To The Finish at 2:15pm. I did have a wonderful chat with Diane and we both agreed to postpone our interview until a better day. Thank you Diane for being so incredibly understanding. I want that interview to be a good one and I was afraid that had we gone ahead and recorded the piece, it would have been rushed and disorganized. That wouldn't have been fair to you the reader/listener, and especially unfair to Diane. I edited a couple of commercials and headed out the door by 2:45pm. I had to stop by the bank and make a few other stops before rushing to the house for a quick shave and shower before my 4pm-7pm broadcast at the Kay County Free Fair. Directly after the fair broadcast I had to drive straight to play rehearsal. Lucky for me we ended rehearsal a little early, at 9:15pm. What a crazy schedule I've created. As soon as this play closes on October 17th, it's rest time! In the meantime it is imperative that I manage my time better, allowing for more precious and renewing sleep. I'm not proud of the horrible example I've set in the sleep and time management area. I'm completely flattered and honored when someone says they've patterned their journey after mine---but remember to never spread yourself this thin, this is an obvious flaw in my performance.

The deeper we get into this play, the more excited I get about playing the part I've been given. Tonight's rehearsal left me completely drained emotionally. We worked on a very dramatic scene before we wrapped tonight and it wouldn't let go of me until after I arrived back home. This production is going to be something special, I just feel it. I wish you could be in the audience for this one, I really do. I do promise pictures, real soon!

I enjoyed a rare treat tonight. In honor of the largest county fair in the entire state of Oklahoma, I enjoyed a deep fried Oreo. I invested 150 calories in this little thing, certainly a rarity, but my curiosity and love for Oreo cookies got the best of me! I actually found a calorie count at daily plate for a deep fried Oreo: 80. I'm not so sure I trust that number. I know a regular Oreo is 53 calories. Oh my, when I think about all of my past Oreo and milk binges, oh the calories---wow! I think I'll take my guesstimate of 150 and stick to that. A deep fried Oreo isn't a bad choice. Several of them would have been a horrible choice, one I wouldn't even think of making. And wouldn't you know it, they gave me four or five to sample, I only wanted one---So a few friends at the ReAct fair booth finished them off for me. I even marked the occasion with another “On The Go Video,” it's posted below---just click play!

I arrived home ready to eat something and to write this post. It is the one year anniversary, so let's go back and remember this excerpt from Day 2 when I faced the scale for the first time along this road: Today I weighed 505. More than a quarter ton. How do I walk around? I must have a bone structure and muscle build of a world class athlete underneath all of this. I'm very blessed to still be able to function normally while carrying around 505 pounds. It is much harder than four years ago. Now at 36 I need to get it done, get it off, and start living.

I had a rather later dinner. I prepared a Flat-Out pizza with triple the mozzarella I normally enjoy. I was trying to boost the calories of the thing to 300 and I almost did. I added mushrooms and green peppers too. It was amazing. So perfect, I had to take a picture and show you. With my coffee creamer calories and this pizza---my calorie budget just jumped over the 1400 mark, not bad really. It's all good. I posted several “In-Progress” pictures below and a few “before” re-runs just for comparison. Thank you so much for reading! Tomorrow is my official weigh-in, we'll see if we can add to that already wonderful total. Irene and Courtney should be weighing in as well! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Remember, one's not bad. Sneaking off and devouring a bunch of them? That's bad.


Posted this “lost” before picture the other day. Use for comparison here!


Amber and Courtney “before”


Amber Anderson---Very beautiful!!!


The two of us.


A most awesome personal pizza!


“In-Progress”


I weigh 293 pounds here!




My beautiful girl!


Courtney “In-Progress”


My Mom looks so young and pretty!

Day 365 The Most Important Year of Our Life

Day 365

The Most Important Year of Our Life

Where do I begin? I started this journey on September 15th, 2008, and although tomorrow is officially my one year anniversary—today was Day 365: The last day of the most important year of my life. My firm answer to the question, “is it ever going to change?” “Will I ever get a handle on this weight that's killing me?” Yes!, YES!, YESSSS! I was really scared when I started on Day 1. I honestly believed my time was running out and it was. Either an early death or the complete collapse of my family, one or the other, or both was inevitable without serious change. It took me 443 months of life to arrive at this desperate crossroads.

I arrived at this place as a 505 pound man with raging high blood pressure, deadly sleep apnea, and swelling so bad in my right leg that painful open sores would develop when the skin refused to stretch any further. I arrived at this place with a wife and two daughters that would often sit and cry together because they were scared to death that I would leave them too soon. I arrived at this place with a mother that would stay up all night worrying about me, sometimes calling just to ask through the tears, “When are you really going to get busy?” I arrived at this place scared to death of myself, my habits, my behaviors that had me cornered, beating me into submission with zero hope for survival. The more my family cried for me, the more scared I became. I can't do this, I thought. But I must---But I don't really know how---on and on the mental battle within me raged. Was this it? Did I reach a point of wanting to give up the fight? Yes I did. However, a couple of problems, let's call them character traits, stood in the way of me giving up: I'm a survivor and I'm a dreamer. A dream can't survive forever without positive action, so action had to start, even if I hadn't a clue where to begin. After 443 months, 12 months has changed it all, turned it completely around. But how? What has made the last 12 months different from any other 12 month period in my life?

I found self-honesty. I found personal responsibility. I let go of the blame and I stopped feeling sorry for the victim I played so well. I became the one in charge of my choices with a completely honest understanding of the consequences, good or bad. Was I going to die a miserable fat man? Or would I completely change my family's life for the better? The choice was mine to make. I made the good choice. It wasn't easy fighting a lifetime of addiction, but it was a fight that I was determined to win because my family was worth the fight. I was worth the fight.

An excerpt from Day 1 titled “Calorie Wars:” “I've allowed my weight to hold me back in my career, and more importantly: It's held my family back from fully enjoying life. That's pretty big stuff. I'm writing this blog as a self-motivation tool. I need to write, I need to express my feelings and experiences, I need to continually remind myself of what I need to do and keep doing. That's what this blog is all about. If you read this blog and have a laugh or feel inspired to lose weight too, then it's all the better! But I'm doing it for me. And by doing it for me, I'm also doing it for my beautiful wife and two daughters. How important is it that I lose the weight now? Well...every now and then I day dream a nightmare where I envision my family at my funeral. I know...it's dark! And very scary. But every time I have a little pain I wonder, is this it? Am I about to collapse? Will my funeral be Thursday?? That's very depressing and scary stuff. But when you're as big as I am, it's something that you have to think about all the time.” ...This is all about making choices. Every choice we make has a consequence...some good, some bad...Some real good, Some very, very bad. Choices and consequences, that's what it's all about." I honestly had no idea what this blog would become to me. It has become my therapist. It has taught me so much about myself, good and bad. It has become a window where I can look at the real me, without excuses, without rationalizations that try to justify bad choices, and with 100% self honesty and personal responsibility. It's not a war now. Morbid obesity continues it's retreat everyday. And I'm standing tall surrounded by those who love and support me every step of the way. I'm winning. I'm changing a pattern of defeat into a pattern of triumph.

This simplistic approach flies in the face of complications. It can be easy, if you decide it can. Mental gymnastics aside, it's super simple: Eat 1500 calories a day, doesn't matter what, anything you like. And move. Have some form of physical movement---doesn't matter what, anything you like, just move. Your choices with food and exercise will improve with time. Don't worry about getting fancy at first.

The mental part? Well, it is the most important. Make this one of the most important things you've ever done. Be over-dramatic about this, make it a life or death decision. Commit to a consistent effort and discover what 365 days can do for you. It'll change your life my friend.

Irene had work tonight, Courtney had math tutoring, and I had play rehearsal. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

At this point I woke up and realized that I had slept sitting up at the computer for nearly two hours. It was almost 2am. I decided I better go to bed. I just deleted nine pages of 8's. It's a little after 5am Tuesday and I'm getting ready for work.

I'm also getting ready to use a wonderful gift given to me by a regular reader of this blog. I received a call earlier in the day telling me that someone had dropped off something for me at the Team Radio offices, a blog reader, and it was a gift. I was so excited! Whoever, whatever...they didn't have to do that! But I sure was excited still to find out what waited inside the bag. I picked it up and found a hand written letter inside. It read in part: Sean, I'm a daily reader of your blog. I so admire what you and your family are doing. You have helped me put my own food addiction to rest. I have, in the past years, lost to 108 pounds twice, but would resume my old eating habits within months, only to gain it all back and more. You have given me strength to do what is right for myself. Thank you, and your family for that. A while back, you made comment that there had to be an easier way to separate an egg---well, here are 2 of them---egg separators. Thank you my friend! Thank you! You see, this is the unexpected gift of this entire journey. I share this letter because, wow...It's letters like this that make it all a little more sweet. The thought of me or my family inspiring anybody to do anything productive this time last year would have been absurd. What a wonderful feeling. This is why I will spend the rest of my life writing and speaking about weight loss. Isn't it funny really...the one thing that held me back and nearly killed me all of those years, it's actually making it possible for me to realize my dreams now. It's a complete turnaround, a 180 degree turn. And it's all happened in a short 365 days.

I'm going to use one of my new egg separators and prepare breakfast now. Look for the pictures on Tuesday night's edition, I've run out of time. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 364 The Beautiful Changes Inside and Struggling To Hit 1500 Calories

Day 364

The Beautiful Changes Inside and Struggling To Hit 1500 Calories

My Saturday stole seven hours of my Sunday, so with Saturday night ending at 7am---I knew that Sunday was going to be an altered day. I still managed to be up by noon, only because Irene had to leave town by 1pm to meet a friend in Stillwater and I wanted to have lunch with her before she left. We enjoyed some tacos at our dining room table before Irene left, then Courtney and I grabbed a script and headed for the living room to see if I'd forgotten anything from the night, er, uh...morning before.

I sincerely have to thank everyone in my life for being so supportive of me. Accepting the responsibility of a stage production seemed like the last thing in the world that I needed to add to my already busy schedule. But with everyone from family to co-workers, and even my boss—all understanding how monumentally important this is to my journey, even if they think I'm crazy for the schedule, they still understand and support. You see, this is much more than a play to me. It's also a symbol of my freedom from obesity. Not only am I breaking free from the chains of being nearly 300 pounds overweight, I'm determined to do all of the things I couldn't before just to show morbid obesity who's in charge now. And to remind myself that I can. I don't have to be that reserved, insecure, self-loathing guy anymore. Losing weight is giving me the freedom and the confidence to be me, the real me, possibly for the first time in my life. The transformation I speak of within these pages is so much bigger than any physical change. Yes, the physical changes surely provide some wonderful moments and “wow” reactions from people around me. But the changes inside, oh the beautiful changes inside! These internal changes provide me with an endless supply of my own personal “wow” reactions. I'm very thankful for the understanding from everyone in my life. I'm a very lucky guy indeed.

Irene's plans called for her to enjoy dinner with her friends. It was just Courtney and me for dinner here at the house. I grabbed a couple of chicken breast from the freezer and started to take them to the outdoor grill before deciding that this was a job for the George Foreman Grill on the counter top. I whipped up a couple of servings of mashed potatoes and warmed some green beans and in not long at all a completely satisfying and low calorie meal was on the table. The breast were small, about 150 calories each, the potatoes—130, and the green beans with an added slice of American cheese melted over—checked in at 50 calories per serving. 330 calories for the whole plate, not bad at all, and delicious!

Play rehearsal was fantastic. Some scenes were better than others, but it's really coming together. This is going to be a fine production. I arrived home from rehearsal with a whopping 800 calories remaining for the day. Oops. I mismanaged my calories the other way today. I didn't eat enough earlier! Now it was nearly 11pm and I was sitting at only 700 calories. I knew I wasn't going to force down 800 calories before bed, but I did make myself a mushroom with extra cheese pizza on a pita for 220 and then I grabbed a banana and a dream bar ice cream treat. All of this brought my calorie total to 1,090, still under my “required” 1200---But oh well, I'll have to manage better next time! It's so funny that I had a “problem” getting to 1500 today, that's crazy really. Below 1200 isn't really good for the metabolism, but seriously---that's a rarity.

Monday will be Day 365! But Tuesday the 15th is officially my one year anniversary. I guess I'm celebrating both days. The 365th day of my journey and then the actual anniversary of Day 1. If you're new to these writings, I encourage you to go back and read from Day 1. That's the only way to fully understand the changes and epiphanies I've experienced along this road. Those experiences and epiphanies come one day at a time. I didn't know how I would do this on Day 1. I was walking on faith and sheer determination. But what has unfolded is nothing short of a miracle to me. Day by day a complete understanding of where I always went wrong before became completely clear. And with that clarity came a very simple approach to winning this time. I hope you invest the time to read if you have the chance.

It's Monday morning as I write this Sunday post. I've got to jump in the shower and head to the studio for my morning radio show. Tonight's Day 365 post will be a wonderful thing, I can't wait! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 363 Should Sean Really Eat That? and Some "Lost" Before Pictures

Day 363

Should Sean Really Eat That? and Some “Lost” Before Pictures

Irene and I worked on lines into the early morning hours of Saturday, fueled by coffee and the pressure of me being “off book” by Monday. We made some considerable progress until I absolutely hit a wall around 4am. We decided to go to bed and work extra long Saturday night instead.

I had to go to the pharmacy this morning to pick up my prescriptions from the doctors visit the day before. The pharmacist I frequent has known me for some time. I got to know him several years ago on a station sponsored trip to Pasadena to watch the Cowboys open the season against UCLA. We stayed in Vegas on that trip and chartered a bus to the Rose Bowl for the big game. The return trip found me sitting right next to Ron and we talked all the way back to Vegas. He's been there around me at my highest weight. He's quietly filled every prescription I needed along the way, dispensing the medications and offering advice like any good pharmacist would do. He's also noticed my dramatic weight loss, how could he not? But today was different. Today, he started talking to me about something unrelated to my prescriptions and then he stopped mid-sentence. It was like, all of a sudden he didn't know who he was talking to. He gave a me a blank stare and then he said “I'm just not use to your face looking so thin, you look completely different. You must feel amazing.” I told him thank you and that I did feel amazing. He just added to that wonderful feeling with his mid-sentence pause and blank look. These are the reactions that leave no doubt about their sincerity. It's completely natural reactions that can't be helped or prompted, they just happen---and they happen all the time. If you're working on your journey, I want you to get to this place too, you'll love it just like I do...It's like the most amazing feeling that's unexpected, coming out of nowhere.

After enjoying another good night of rest, I started to feel that game day excitement. It was time to put on the orange and head to Stillwater for the big game with Houston. I met up with Neal, Rachel's husband, and we quickly headed to Anson's tailgate party across the street from Boone Pickens Stadium. The menu for this tailgate was barbecue beef sandwiches with chips and several other goodies. I was really hungry because I was sitting at 200 calories for the day, all I had until that point was an amazing omelet, the best omelet I've had in a long time, but still, only two hundred calories. Today my ticket wasn't the Club Level, so the “free” food with great choices wouldn't be available to me today. I was just grateful that Anson had an extra ticket for me inside the stadium, I didn't really care where I sat. I decided to enjoy one of these barbecue sandwiches. I knew my calorie counting experience would have to assist me in guesstimating the calories of this sandwich. The bun looked slightly bigger than the 110 calorie hamburger buns we normally purchase, so I counted it as 150. Then I made my way over to the grill where a large container of the beef mixture was warming under the lid. I dolloped a responsible portion on the bun, pressed it down, and was satisfied that the beef couldn't be more than two hundred calories worth. So, with the bun, my sandwich was 350 calories. I threw a small handful, maybe four or five Sun Chips on my pate for fifty calories---bringing my tailgate total to 400 calories. That brought my running total for the day to 600. I ran into Anson's college age son Cavett, the kid hasn't laid eyes on me in over a year easy. His reaction was “Oh God...” coupled with wide eyed amazement. Never get tired of those “Wow” reactions, never ever!

I felt a few awkward looks come my way as I enjoyed the sandwich. Nothing too much, just a look of oh my, what's Sean doing? Should he be eating that? Yes, I should have, I could have, and I did! But it was in a responsible way, and that's the difference. You see, the old Sean wouldn't have stopped at one sandwich. He would have piled at least two of them really high. The old Sean would have made each sandwich at least five or six hundred calories easy. The old Sean would have needed some Tums or Rolaids afterwards. The new Sean hasn't had an antacid in 363 Days, no need, ever. The new Sean appreciates and enjoys making good choices of what's available, with smart portions and self-control. I didn't walk up to that tailgate with the attitude of lets see what they have good to eat, I'm ready to load up! I walked up with the attitude of you know, I am hungry and this looks good, maybe I should enjoy one before we get inside the stadium. The focus wasn't on the food, the focus was where it should be: On the atmosphere and friends outside the stadium of a team ranked 5th in the country, who's star player graced the cover of Sports Illustrated just a few days before. Sadly, that top 5 ranking will be long gone now after the disappointing Cowboy performance witnessed on this day. I guess we can still frame the cover, right?

After the game I quickly made my way over to see my mom and everybody at grandmas house. There's no way I could ever make a trip into Stillwater without seeing my mom. Oh, I guess I have before, but only under special circumstances where time is critically out of my control. Time was still short. Irene was waiting for me back in Ponca City, ready for a long night of memorizing scenes and lines from the play. I cut my visit with the fam short and hit the highway north out of Cowboy town. But before heading out I stopped at McDonald's. Why? If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know exactly why! I grabbed a 150 calorie low-fat vanilla soft serve cone of course! Those things have kept my ice cream cravings at bay so many times. I love ice cream, that's something I've talked about in these writings from the earliest days. These 150 calorie cones from Micky D's fit perfectly into my calorie budget.

I arrived back in Ponca City about 8:30pm for a quick dinner and then it was time for more lines, lines, lines! We discovered something very tasty, filling, and low-cal. You see, Arby's is having a special on their regular roast beef sandwiches, five for five dollars. We can't cook for that cheap! I grabbed some on the way to the house. For twenty cents more each, they put lettuce, onions, and tomatoes on them. Here's what we discovered: A regular roast beef sandwich is only 320 calories from Arby's. The bun makes up 177 of those calories, the beef only 143 (they neatly show this on their nutrition information). So we thought, what if we replaced the bun with a sixty calorie pita? It was incredible. You just warm the pita and the meat, then toss the bun and place the meat and the extra veggies I ordered on the pita. You fold it over like a taco and “blammo,” you just saved 117 calories!

Irene noticed how tired I was looking. She encouraged me to get a workout in, even though I really didn't feel like moving...once you start moving, it feels good! I even tried to rationalize not getting additional exercise, “but we took the stairs at the stadium, instead of the escalator!” Irene knew that we were not going to be working on the script any time soon, she knew I needed a nap after my workout. I didn't dare say it, but she said it for me, I was so relieved. “Why don't you take a nap before we get started on lines, we have a long way to go, and you've got to be rested.” I love that girl! I slept until midnight and then we started a marathon seven hour session of memorizing lines. That's right, we didn't fall into bed until 7am Sunday morning! What a Saturday! Not enough hours in the day, so it had to steal seven hours away from Sunday!! It was a busy day filled with living life, family, good friends, good food, and memorizing a bunch of lines for this play I'm doing. Very busy, and very worth it.

Below you'll find several “Lost” before pictures. I had planned on taking and also posting some current “in progress” pics for contrast, but we haven't had the chance. We will take some on Monday for the official one year anniversary of this transformation. It's certainly been magical. A true blessing. Thank you for reading. My apologies for the horribly late posting of this Saturday edition. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

The “Lost” before pictures. The scary thing is---there's plenty more where these came from!!


Irene about 142 pounds heavier and me about 210 pounds heavier!


Amber a little over 60 pounds heavier and Courtney well over 80 pounds heavier! Pictured
with our cousin "T."

Me with my youngest in the 500 pound days.


Irene at her heaviest. The decorative border courtesy of my Aunt Kelli!


Grandpa, My uncle Keith, and me at IHOP in Stillwater. I was wearing my favorite “Big Daddy” jersey type shirt. I wore that thing until it became ridiculously too big. Actually, it stayed the same size---I'm the one that became comfortably smaller!

Day 362 The "Death Speech" Doctor is All Smiles Now!

Day 362

The “Death Speech” Doctor is All Smiles Now!

Irene and I stayed up until after 3am working on lines. By the time we're finished she'll have my lines and all of the others memorized! She has a real talent for memorization, couple that with the visualization technique the director shared with me, and we got this! We counted them, nearly 220 lines. Oh my, I thought it was maybe 80 to 100...no, nearly 220! It's an awesome role, I'm so excited!

This morning, oh wait...I mean this afternoon, you see---we slept until noon! Eight hours of solid sleep felt so good, I really needed that! I picked the perfect time to take a vacation day or was it a sick day? I did go to the doctor today! Technically I could call this a sick day. You reading boss?
I officially have bronchitis. The doctor prescribed a Z-pack of pills and we'll be finished with this stuff before you know it! The doctor was the same one that gave me the death speech on June 10th, 2008. It's fun to talk to her now. She's beyond impressed with my success. She greets me with a great big smile now, instead of the “what can I tell him that will scare him straight?” kind of look. She just told me the truth back then, that's all. It was the truth. I was going to die soon at 505 pounds with a blood pressure of 220/119, pure and simple. As I left she commented “I don't get to see you very often because you're healthy!” That was cool.

Irene and I had a wonderful date tonight at the playhouse. “Tuesdays With Morrie” was a wonderful production and the actors were just amazing. We got dressed up a little for this outing and it felt good, real good. Lauren (plays my characters wife) wasn't in attendance, so I couldn't introduce Irene, but I did introduce Irene to Issac, the boy that plays my son in the play, and his mom Marlys, who is actually the president of the Playhouse. It was a fantastic evening. We even attended an after party where all of the food was prepared by Jose, who plays my dad, “Gramps,” in “Call Me Henry.” He's a real chef, heavenly Mexican specialties, all homemade...a big spread. I prepared what I guesstimated to be a 400 calorie plate and enjoyed every bite. Jose encouraged me to have more, but I enjoyed a responsible portion—and I was finished---plate in the trash! The Theater community in this part of the United States is just amazing. There's certainly a bunch of talent around here, it's cool to feel apart of that, you know?

Irene is prepared to stay up late with me and work on lines again. I'm wrapping this edition a little short tonight. She's in there waiting on me!

Oh by the way...my next official weigh day is Wednesday, but I'll also weigh on Monday Day 365, for an official one year total! It'll be good, I know it will! Look for some “lost” before pictures coming tomorrow night right here on this blog.

As always, thanks for reading! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 361 Clothing Insecurities and The Lost "Before" Pictures (posting soon)

Day 361

Clothing Insecurities and The Lost “Before” Pictures (posting soon)

I'm feeling pretty dog-gone fantastic right now. I just woke from one of my signature power naps. Yes, I allowed my schedule to go awry again, but I had good reason. Play rehearsal was called off tonight and I've requested and have been granted a vacation day from radio tomorrow! My mission? Get over this sickness that has snuggled up into my lungs and memorize every single line for the play. I may even go to the doctor, check that---I will go to the doctor tomorrow for a high powered something to kick this crud out of me! I don't have time to be sick, you know what I mean? I wonder if I can change the vacation day to a sick day...hmmm, maybe. Just maybe.

I just received an e-mail from the stage manager of “Call Me Henry.” She requested clothing sizes. Oh man, let the anxiety begin! It felt good to reply: 40 waist 32 inseam. I also reminded her that I'll more than likely be a 38/32 by the time this production opens, but I can wear a belt. The shirt size, I don't know really...3x, 2x...or 18, maybe 19? I don't know. I've been dealing with X's my entire life. I didn't even know about shirt sizes in number terms until recently. I've always been a 5X or 6X, even a 7X in some cases. I honestly need custom tailored shirts. Because my neck size will result in a shirt that doesn't fit my body right. I need to take a deep breath and trust that it will all be fine. I do hope they allow me to be a little picky about wardrobe without them getting too frustrated with me. It's the thing that worries me the most about this play. It's not the lines or the emotion I must convey, or the long hours in rehearsal, it's what I'm wearing that is giving me the stress. I want to look good up there, and regardless of my weight loss success, I'm still extremely insecure about what I wear and how I wear it. It'll take time and weight training to budge that mental hangup. In the meantime I know that I'll have to actually “tuck” for some of these scenes, heck...it's even in the script at one point. Me tucking? In front of an audience?? I've never been a tucker, you know that! Oh my, I'm going to have to close my eyes and shut off my brain to get through this. I know this will probably be one of those things where I discover it wasn't near as horrific as I imagined it would be. We'll see how it goes. I certainly don't want to be difficult, but I also want to be comfortable on stage.

Irene came home early tonight and she is finally off for the weekend! You think my schedule is crazy, listen to this: She went in at 5:30pm yesterday afternoon, wasn't able to leave work until 9:15am this morning, then was expected to be back at work for a managers meeting at noon, then back at work for a short shift at 5:30pm. She was allowed to skip the noon meeting, so she did get nearly six hours of sleep, thank goodness, but she is still exhausted. And I'm keeping her up tonight to work with me on lines! Oh dear! I look forward to her writing something on her blog, I know she will tomorrow. Maybe Amber will too, that would be good. Nudge, nudge, ;)

I want to recognize Zaababy, “The Incredible Shrinking Woman” again. If you haven't read her blog, you should give it a read. I'm so impressed with her and the wonderful approach she embraces. She completely “gets it.” It's easy to say “I get it.” Zaa proves she does everyday. She understands that a simple approach with a consistent effort gets major results every time. The mental breakthroughs and transformation she has experienced has been beautifully documented within her pages. She is approaching some major milestones, so if you haven't already, this would be a wonderful time to start following her. Her inspiration and consistent effort is a wonderful thing to witness. Find Zaababy today at www.zaaisshrinking.blogspot.com

Just when I thought I knew of every single “before” picture out there, I discovered some more today on my Aunt Kelli's facebook page. The Lost "Before" Pictures will be ready soon! I'll copy and post them over the weekend along with some current pictures.

I've requested Irene's company tomorrow evening for a date. I'm taking my beautiful wife to the Ponca Playhouse for opening night of “Tuesdays With Morrie.” Afterward we plan on attending a party to celebrate the opening. It'll be a grand affair I'm sure! It'll also be an opportunity for me to introduce Irene to Lauren, who plays the part of "Doris," my wife in the play “Call Me Henry.” It'll be fun!

Irene is preparing a late dinner, she might just pick something up, I've already had dinner. I enjoyed two pita cheese pizzas. 280 calories TOTAL. Wow, I think a soft serve low fat vanilla ice cream cone from McDonald's is in order! I still have nearly 300 calories remaining tonight, more than enough to “indulge.”

Before we start working on lines, we're going to workout---then it's into the script we go!
I was able to “get out” and read a few blogs today. I should have some more time as this three day weekend progresses. I have some serious catching up to do. I sincerely appreciate your patience and your continued support. Day 361 is in the books. Did I mention that despite this sickness crud, I still feel incredible? This transformation of mind and body is beyond wonderful. Very nice. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 360 Walking After Midnight and The "Plan" Vs. "Reality"

Day 360

Walking After Midnight and The “Plan” Vs. “Reality”

The 5K last night took a little longer than I had planned. I really wanted to try to jog half of it, but I'm just not ready for that kind of endurance. I was really wanting to do it in about 35 minutes, instead it took the usual 47 or so. I guess I have it in my head that at a certain weight I'll just be able to naturally run without much trouble. Not true. I need to seriously consider the “couch to 5K” running plan. My body is so use to walking, it gets a little cranky when I try to jog for very long! I had zero choice about the 5K last night. I knew it had to be done, I had put it out there. I finished at 12:30am. When the schedule gets tight, it's too easy to just cut the workout down or even out, and that's something we can't do every day. It really goes back to reminding myself that I'm not where I want to be yet. I'll get there, but the consistent effort that brought me along this far mustn't be compromised. My consistency now depends on my ability to manage this schedule. I should never be out there walking after midnight, never. I should be in bed no later than 10:30pm, seriously. I've got some work to do on that.

It was only suppose to be an hour nap this afternoon. Yeah right! That hour turned into two and a half hours. Dinner time with Irene before her departure wasn't waiting until after a workout and I had plans for a haircut after that. The plan was: Nap, workout, blog, dinner, haircut, shower, play rehearsal, home and bed. Reality: Nap, more nap, still more nap, dinner, haircut, shower, play rehearsal, walking, blog writing. What about the whole “mustn't be compromised” thing from the previous paragraph? The walk tonight was very different than the 5K last night. I only did two laps tonight. Not great, but better than nothing. Yeah, “better than nothing.” That's what I always tell myself when I cut a workout short. I'm hard on myself, real hard. But I know me and sometimes I need to be forced to do the best thing. “Like sleep?” Someone shouted at their computer monitor. Yes, like sleep, you're so right.

I still run into people who are shocked at some of the items I allow into my calorie budget occasionally. In the beginning especially, but even today when someone ask what I eat, they seem shocked at the answer. But I'm telling you my friend, this “nothing is off limits” philosophy has been critical to my success. It's true, I've lost over 200 pounds eating whatever I wanted. The key? Portion control, portion control, portion control!

Diane at www.fittothefinish.com will be my next interview. I'm really excited about talking to someone who has kept off the weight for over a dozen years. Thank you to everyone who took the time to vote!

Calories were slightly under 1500 today. Play rehearsal was awesome. I still can't believe it's me up there. It feels great. Just amazing! Thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 359 The Best Laid Plans and Breakfast With My Daughters

Day 359

The Best Laid Plans and Breakfast With My Daughters

Sometimes the best laid out plan just doesn't go to the letter. I was completely exhausted when I picked Courtney up from school, so I chose to re-arrange the schedule to allow for a nap. Wow. Didn't take long for that to happen huh? I couldn't imagine making it through the night without catching a few winks, it would have been dangerous with the driving. It's hard to argue with that rationalization. Told you I'm good! If you're going to rationalize changes to your workout routine or schedule, just make them really solid—and they'll seem really OK! Geez. Anyway, what does this mean? It means after play rehearsal I need to get myself out on that trail for a 5K jog/walk. Nothing will stop me from doing this. And as long as that's all I need to do later tonight, then my reward will be coming home and dropping in bed before midnight. If I don't write about a 5K from tonight on tomorrow night's blog, then you call me out on that alright? I mean it. Accountability. “Mr. Good Choices” isn't above having his rear kicked every now and then!

Everything was going great this morning until I realized something very alarming about our personal business and then, “blammo”---high stress city. One of my proudest accomplishments along this road has been changing the way I react to stress in its many forms. In the past, I always turned to food, but not at first. First my resolve would completely crumble under the gun and then, then that's when I would turn to food. I wish there was a simple technique to share with you on how to completely separate your emotions from your eating habits. It isn't one or two techniques, it's a combination of many things along this road. I will tell you this: The foundation of this monumental change was and is built by setting a dramatically high importance and self-honesty level. Without those two variables there's no way to have this kind of change.

I got up at 4:50am, no snooze alarm for me today. I had to get up and cook breakfast for my daughters. Amber and I each enjoyed a 200 calorie egg white, mushroom, and mozzarella burrito made with one of those 90 calorie Flat-Out Whole Wheat/High Fiber flat breads. It was amazing. Courtney opted for a bacon, egg white, and cheese sandwich for a slightly higher calorie count, but that's what she budgeted---we were all satisfied. We all enjoyed coffee too. It's strange sitting at the table enjoying coffee with my babies. They're still just kids right? I'm so proud of them, they're incredible girls.

Amber headed back to school this morning. It's always tough to see her go. But she's a confident young woman with a plan for her future, and that doesn't involve hanging out at home all the time, although that would be cool too! She'll start student teaching soon, like in a few weeks! Amber, my little Ambeee, being referred to as “Ms. Anderson” by school kids. That is so strange to me. Again, couldn't be more proud.

I'm starting to feel the pressure of this role in the play. I have until Sunday night to have every single line memorized. Where was that in my tight little schedule? Memorizing my lines and cues...oh my, that must be done right away! I made this exciting schedule didn't I? Yes, yes I did. And it's going to be alright, I gaurantee.

There are just a few hours left to vote for who I'll request an interview from next. Diane, Fit To The Finish is in the lead right now, pulling ahead of Jen from Prior Fat Girl. It's safe to say the next interview will be from a female perspective! The list of people I'd like to interview isn't just the ones listed for vote. It's a super long list. And eventually we'll do 'em all! Time, all in time. I just think that after investing a lot of time in reading and following someone, it's the coolest thing to hear them speak. Please vote before the voting time runs out! I'm pretty sure that when it does, the final results will automatically show. After that, I'll immediately fire off an e-mail requesting the interview. What if they decline? Could happen you know, oh well, we'll see.

Irene is off to work and I'm into the bathroom for a shower and preparations for play rehearsal. Last night was rather physical. Not too bad, but I was definitely “worked out” when it was all over. Tonight should be another good rehearsal.

I can't thank you enough for the support and understanding extended to me during this extremely busy time on my journey. Good friends are such wonderful things. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 358 The Calorie and Time Budget Numbers and That First Kiss

Day 358

The Calorie and Time Budget Numbers and That First Kiss

I'm so happy I had today off. I needed today, I needed to rest. Saturday was such a wonderful day, it was just incredible, but it really wore me out in a good way. I slept late and even took an hour nap this afternoon. An hour nap is something of an accomplishment for me, I usually am not that disciplined when it comes to napping. I'll sleep until I can't sleep anymore---or I have to be somewhere, but not today, certainly because of the rest last night.

We had a Labor Day cookout on the patio late this afternoon before Irene had to leave for work. I grilled some lean beef, made scalloped potatoes, and prepared green beans with cheese. It was a fabulous dinner and still under 400 calories. Add that to my grilled chicken breast and mashed potato with gravy lunch for 300 calories, oh and don't forget about my breakfast, wait a second---the chicken and potatoes was brunch---I slept right past breakfast. With a Dream Bar and some coffee today, I still had 630 calories coming by the end of play rehearsal tonight, and that wasn't until 10:15pm. I really needed to get past 1200 for the day, at least that many. I didn't want to leave too many calories on the table, because you know how the Calorie Bank and Trust works, if you don't use 'em, you lose 'em! I have 10 calories left right now. I'm full, completely. I had 330 calories worth of cottage cheese (that's quite a bit) and a chicken pasta marinara frozen dish for 290. I'll probably toss the extra 10 calories left into the trash.

Tomorrow we'll get back into the normal weekday routine, it should be awesome. Very tight, little room for error... 6am-9am—my radio show, 9am-11am---production, 11am-noon—-lunch, 12pm-2pm---more production. 2pm-3:10pm---errands (personal business or nap), 3:10pm-4:30pm---workout, 4:40pm-5:20pm---dinner preparation and eating, 5:25pm-6:25pm---blog writing and posting, 6:30pm-6:40pm----shower, 7pm-10pm----play rehearsal, 10:30pm---bed time---because the alarm sounds at 4:50am again tomorrow! Crazy, I know. But rewarding!

Enough with the numbers! I'm really getting excited about coming up on Day 365, the one year anniversary of this journey! It'll be Monday the 14th---I can't wait to write that one...what will I say as I reflect on the most important year of my life? Plenty. Look for a post of monumental proportions on that day.

Today was a special day for Irene and me. This was our 22nd anniversary of our first kiss. Twenty-Two years ago tonight, right about now in fact, we kissed for the first time---and fireworks went off, we were in serious teenage love. It was our first date on September 7th, 1987. I was working for Kentucky Fried Chicken as a cook. I had some cash and Mustafa was a co-worker from Iran that like me well enough to loan me his old yellow Toyota Corrolla for the night. We invited along some friends, I invited my cousin Steve, and Irene invited her best friend Rachel. We may have been trying to set them up with one another, although I don't think they gelled like we did. I couldn't take my eyes off of Irene. I was a bundle of nerves, after all---I had never been on a real date before and this girl actually liked me. Me? I was easily the fattest kid in school, but somehow, some way---Irene didn't care. She had the most precious heart of any girl in that school and she could see mine too. I made her laugh and as we watched the movie, we constantly tried to move in on one another for a kiss. We were so preoccupied, I couldn't even tell you the name of the movie. By the time the movie ended, we still hadn't connected lips. I made sure to drop off Steve and then Rach before taking Irene home that night. And that's when it happened. I pulled up in front of her house, we were late so she quickly jumped out, then she leaned back in the car and we kissed. We totally missed the lips, but we kissed---and so it began, our love story. Twenty-Two years later here we are. We've come a long way baby. It often times was the hard way, but that's the road we chose from day 1---September 7th, 1987—the night we'll never forget.

I've got to wrap this up. I just received an urgent message from Jack Sh*t at http://www.jackfit.blogspot.com/ I've been called to a top-secret meeting of the League of Extraordinarily Fat Gentlemen. Something big is going down, I've got to get there quickly... Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 357 The Secret Identity of Pottsie Webber and "Booth Freedom" Revisited

Day 357

The Secret Identity of Pottsie Webber and “Booth Freedom” Revisited

Something I think I should clarify, although it really cracks me up, is my association with “Anson Williams.” As cool as it would be to hang out with Pottsie Webber from “Happy Days” TV fame, my friend is not THAT Anson Williams. In fact, his name isn't really Anson, it's Bill. Bill owns the broadcast company I work for, he's my employer. The whole “Anson Williams” thing started because every time Bill would leave a comment on this blog, he would do it as some obscure celebrity, it's always fun. The “Anson” just stuck. So remember, whenever I refer to Anson Williams, you know now who I'm talking about. I could have just let it go and continued the mysterious fun, but when my cousin Debbie in Branson left a comment gushing over Anson's celebrity status, I thought I should clarify. ;) Love you Debbie!

We enjoyed a meal out with Amber today. We dined at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants and it was wonderful! I've written about this place before and dining out in general, and seriously, when you embrace “good choices” and 100% self-honesty, dining out isn't a scary thing anymore. I ordered two chicken hard tacos ala carte and a beef taco. This particular place loads each taco with way too much cheese, and...wait a second, did I just complain about “too much cheese?” Well I guess I did. I asked for “easy on the cheese,” because I don't want to have a 100 calories worth on each taco. 30 or 40 calories worth, great...but a whole ounce? Too much. The tacos still came loaded and then I simply did what I should have done to begin with, I simply removed the excess. Another calorie saver here is ordering ala carte. The only difference? No rice and beans, or in caloric terms, no additional 700 to 800 calories. My three tacos and a few chips and salsa, comparing to calorie counts at nationally recognized places, came in at 750 calories. It did exceed my 500 calorie per meal guideline, but still, it was alright because I was within my daily budget, still having enough calories remaining for a flat-bread pizza later, and even a snack. All was good and we had a tremendous time together.

All of us were in a booth. It might not sound like something worth mentioning, that booth, but if you've lived your entire life unable to fit properly in one—avoiding them at all cost, even walking out of places that only offered them, changing plans of large groups of family and friends because of “non fat-friendly” seating at the place they picked...then you get it. You understand the “booth freedom” I speak of around here. It's the same as “chairs with arms freedom.” Every time I easily sit in one now, I remember what it was like at 500 pounds plus, then I smile for the victory. I'll never forget what that restrictive humiliation felt like. Never ever.

I spent a large part of the day catching up on sleep before play rehearsal. I often times feel bad about taking a nap here and there, but I have to get enough sleep. My sleeping habits, or lack of good sleeping habits is one bad choice that's made way too often, so really I shouldn't apologize for it! A more disciplined sleep schedule is imperative right now, well it's important all the time, but especially now that my schedule is crazy packed. After October 17th (the last performance of “Call Me Henry”) I'll be able to get back to an easier, more manageable schedule. Some people think I'm nuts for taking on so much right now, and it has effected my blogging schedule and everything else in my schedule, but it's worth the temporary sacrifice. To passionately pursue something I've always dreamed of doing, but felt I couldn't at over 500 pounds, well...that's pretty dang special. So the crazy-busy schedule will be endured with a passionate excitement that makes the long and tiring days worth the struggle. My reward is an amazing accomplishment that highlights my transformation---served with a heaping helping of self-confidence. It's a good trade, trust me.

After play rehearsal, I rushed home and prepared a late dinner. I promised Amber I would fix her a flat-bread pizza, like the one pictured on this blog not long ago. These low calorie (90) flat-bread wraps make delicious pizzas that'll make you question the calorie count over and over. It's hard to believe that something so filling, so satisfying, so yummy---could have such a low calorie content. The pizzas I prepared last night were around 300 each, the highest we've prepared yet. But they were because I loaded them with mushrooms, black olives, onions, green peppers, and even some pepperoni and Canadian bacon. Drop the meat and olives and suddenly you have a big personal pizza that checks in below 200 calories. Again, choices! Amber loved it, and we loved sharing it with her. Afterwards, Irene and I spent some time together enjoying her last night off for a while, tomorrow she's back into doing several 12 hour shifts straight.

Tomorrow is Labor Day and I plan on sleeping as late as I can! We have a cookout planned with just the four of us before Irene takes off for work and I depart for play rehearsal. My plan is to finally squeeze in some blog reading and commenting tonight before bed. This lack of reading and writing comments is killing me! I need to support my friends along this road as much as they support me, it's equally important! I've missed so many wonderful post, I know I have. I know many of you have expressed understanding lately, and I'm sincerely thankful for that. You're a good friend, and you know who you are! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 356 The Cowboys and Me: Victorious Again--336 Days Later

Day 356

The Cowboys and Me: Victorious Again—336 Days Later

Today was going to be fun. Very busy, but fun. Today was the OSU-Georgia Football game in Stillwater. I had planned on arriving early and taking my mom to lunch, but those plans were quickly scrapped when the time slipped away so quickly. Suddenly realizing I needed to arrive at the stadium shortly after cruising into my hometown, mom and I made alternate plans. We would go out for coffee and breakfast after all of the late night festivities and before my return trip to Ponca City. It was a little less than a year ago that I had the chance to enjoy a game at Boone Pickens Stadium. The differences between that early trip and today were monumental. Here's an excerpt from Day 20 titled “The Cowboys and Me Victorious: When we got in the stadium we had a choice. Stairs or escalator. Which one do you think I chose? No, actually I chose the escalator. But with good reason! I was anticipating a big climb up the stadium steps and I didn't want to be completely depleted by the time we got there. So we stepped onto the escalator and discovered that our seats were no more than, oh I'm guessing here, probably thirty yards from the top of the escalator. We showed the tickets to the usher and he pointed to a big tightly packed group of fans. Our seats were somewhere in the middle of those people. I wasn't looking forward to “excusing” myself through all of those people, then finding our official seats, and then spending the rest of the game crowding those around us. Because I'm telling you, the inches they give each seat number is ridiculous. If the stadium were full of kids it would be perfect, but it's full of adults...some big and some small. And the small ones are the people that end up sacrificing their space for us larger people. Well, I just happened to notice four seat numbers vacant right on the front isle of that section. I asked the usher if we could sit there just until someone came along to claim them. He was indicating the answer was no, then I told him that I could see it was really packed tight up around our official seat numbers and I really didn't want to crowd anyone. After I said that he was totally cool with the idea. He completely understood and so there we were, right at about the forty yard line half way up on the isle. This meant absolutely zero stadium step climbing. To tell you the truth, I was kind of looking forward to the challenge, but I knew I would be much more comfortable where we were—with plenty of room. It was perfect except for the loud guy behind us who insisted on yelling at the referee after what seemed like every play. I've never understood yelling at the referee. Could you imagine the ref getting on his microphone and saying... “after further review and advice from the guy in section 332 row 53 seat 5, the call is reversed, the touchdown stands and I'm getting Lasik eye surgery as soon as possible”. It became rather entertaining to listen too after a while. What's funny is I'm pretty sure this guy was stone cold sober because they don't sell alcohol at Boone Pickens Stadium. I can't imagine what he would have been like after three or seven beers. My Uncle Keith and I didn't get to the game in time to take advantage of the standing tailgate invitation we had, so we just grabbed a diet beverage at the concession stand. I didn't plan on buying anything to eat at the stadium and even if I did, I doubt I could stand paying the really high prices and calories. I paid $4.50 for a medium sized Diet Dr. Pepper, for that price it better taste more like regular Dr. Pepper! It really was a fun time and to make it even better, the Cowboys beat the Aggies 56 to 28! By the way, nobody ever showed for the isle seats we borrowed making it real comfortable the entire game. The great thing is by next year at this time I'll perfectly fit in the very small space each seat number provides. That'll be nice! What a difference another 336 days has made! I arrived at the stadium without a worry today. I wasn't worried about the walking, I wasn't worried about the seats, I wasn't worried about the “temptation,” I wasn't worried about anything but enjoying myself. I was free to relax and have a great time. I put the word temptation in quotation marks because somewhere along this journey I realized something very valuable. I realized instead of calling various foods “temptations,” I would call them “choices.” To label something a “temptation” is to give it power, suggesting an unstable resolve teetering on a possible breakdown of that resolve. But “choices” take away that power. Suddenly it isn't a temptation, it's a choice, my choices—my responsibility. A “choice” strengthens our self-honesty and resolve in personal responsibility. We're 100% responsible for our choices. “Temptation” offers an excuse and a way to rationalize bad choices because: “I was tempted!” “Those things are so tempting, what could I do?” “And then so and so brought those brownies, I just couldn't handle the temptation.”

I had plenty of choices today. I didn't realize just how many until I arrived at the stadium tailgate party hosted by Anson Williams. He had a spread ready to go, plenty of choices, “just help yourself!” I chose a hotdog on a bun with mustard and my flavored water. It was easy, and it can be easy, when you take the focus off the food and put it on your friends and the atmosphere of the moment. I enjoyed myself immensely at the tailgate, but oh boy...the choices had only begun. Anson had invited me to sit in the club level of the stadium. I've never enjoyed the “club” level. I didn't realize exactly what that meant until we arrived, although the $400.00 price on the ticket indicated that it was certainly something grand on that level. Good thing I was a guest of a friend, because I'm not sure if I could ever pay that kind of money for a seat at a game, regardless of my financial condition. Upon arriving on the club level, I discovered a completely different stadium atmosphere. Everything except the alcohol was complimentary. I mean everything. They had a hot food buffet, complimentary. They had typical stadium concession items, again...complimentary. Soft drinks? Of course, complimentary. I was in choices overload here. Check out the pictures below. No standing in lines for a hotdog and a drink up here, and don't even try to open a door for yourself or press an elevator button---people are there to do that for you. Wow, it was amazing. Everything was complimentary. You want a Snickers Bar? How many? Nachos? How big can you pile the plate? Bratwurst, hotdogs, chips, popcorn, cookies, gourmet brownies, and an ice cream freezer full of ice cream novelty items “free” for the taking. So what did I have?

I enjoyed roasted chicken, green beans, and roasted red potatoes. I had several diet soft drinks and a few water bottles throughout the game. I did not “invest” any calories in any of the other choices available. It was an exercise in “choices” with an emphasis on personal responsibility and putting the focus where it should be: Off the food and on a great game. The Cowboys beat Georgia 24-10. It was a great day.

I even skipped steps on the way back up to the club level doors. Instead of slowly climbing each step, I actually power climbed them, skipping a step all the way up. And at the top, I was completely fine. I didn't have to regain my composure because it was never lost. Very different from my 500 pound plus days. Completely different.

After the win there were plenty of festivities to enjoy. The after game tailgating was followed by me being the designated driver for Anson and his entourage. The evening turned into night and we celebrated the victory until just after 1am. I dropped the guys off along with Anson's vehicle at their hotel and called some good friends for a ride to my vehicle across town. Rachel and Neil picked me up and I immediately noticed the changes in Rachel. She's excited about the changes in the way she feels and looks! It's a wonderful thing really. You can follow her at http://www.creatingthemeinside.blogspot.com/

I made my way across town to pick up my mom and head for Shortcakes Diner. Shortcakes is a small little diner that's extremely popular with the college crowd in Stillwater. They're known for their chicken fried steak. We didn't order the chicken fry. We were mainly there to visit and marvel at how we both can now comfortably fit in their cheap orange formica lined row-a-booths. We visited for a while and enjoyed about 500 calories each in our choices. For me, a couple of eggs and hashbrowns and a few bites of a pancake we ordered to share. Mom also ordered a couple of eggs, no hashbrowns, but whole wheat toast, and she too enjoyed a few bites of the pancake (another Shortcakes specialty). We had a wonderful visit and even snapped a few pictures you'll find below! I'm so happy that mom has finally made the “click” on her weight loss road. She fully embraces this approach that has completely transformed her son. It was wonderful, just absolutely wonderful.

I hurried home and arrived around 4:30am. I was a zombie at this point. Completely spent, and there was absolutely no way to write this post. So I joined Irene in bed and we slept very nicely. It was so good to just relax and rest. I'm posting this Saturday edition after a good sleep! These changes I write about, these are not exclusive to me. You can have them too, you really can. It's truly your choice. Thanks for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Inside Boone Pickens Stadium


Part of the complimentary buffet line on the club level


No standing in line for a hotdog here. How many do you want? The choices are yours!


My wonderful lunch from the hot complimentary buffet


I look really confident. I mean, uh...I am confident.


A Georgia fan with a shirt that suggest he knows me. Apparently not, I spell my name Sean.


Cookies anyone? They constantly replenish the cookie choices throughout the game.


Oh--Did someone scream for ice cream? Relax---as much as you desire is waiting inside this freezer!


Chips and candy bars your choice? How many you want? Just ask.


My after game snack. An apple and a flavored water!


My amazing mom. I love her so much!


Mom and Me before.


Mom and Me tonight.


We're much happier people these days.

Day 355 Amusement Park Planning and The "Anti-Jared" Interview

Day 355

Amusement Park Planning and The “Anti-Jared” Interview

The afternoon blogging worked perfectly yesterday. I was able to get everything done and manage to get double the sleep I normally get during the week. I sincerely appreciate your comments and support. Thank you for understanding my situation. Many showed considerable concern and it really touched me, thank you for really honestly caring, that means so much. I can't bring myself to stop blogging temporarily, even for a day. Why? Because it's been so critical to my success in understanding the complexities of this road. And that understanding, that education continues my friend. What I can do is make shorter post and set time limits for writing.

Courtney and I made a trip into the YMCA yesterday afternoon. I tried the elliptical and it absolutely killed my legs. Oh my, it was crazy burning on level 6. I was working muscles that obviously do not get the same workout with plain old walking. I did as much as I was willing to take and then I hit the weight room. I actually posted my blog before we worked out, then home for a bite to eat, a shower, and off to play rehearsal.

I arrived back to the house to a wonderful thing. All three of my special ladies were at home! Amber arrived a day early for the weekend! I was absolutely thrilled to see her. We all sat at the dining room table for a short visit before bed. We talked about several things including how wonderful it is to do things we could never do before. And that's when it hit us. We need to just pick a date and make a trip to the amusement park. So we did. September 19th we're all going to Frontier City in Oklahoma City. It'll be an amazing experience from a whole new perspective. I plan on riding everything the girls want to ride and even bungee jump! Why not? Let's live a little, right? A trip to Frontier City was always a miserable experience for me. I'd just stand there and hold stuff. Stand there and wait for everyone to have fun. It was always a bunch of walking, sitting, and watching thinner people have the time of their life. I'm going to be one of them for a change. I'm going to let my hair down so to speak and act like a kid for several hours. I'll ride 'em all, even though I really don't like rides. I say this judged on the tilt-a-whirl sickness of 1975. The carnival was in town and mom took me. I was only four years old so she rode the tilt-a-whirl with me. It didn't take that many revolutions before I started losing my lunch as we uncontrollably spun around. Every time we passed the ride operator my mom would scream “he's sick, stop the ride! Stop the ride!” After passing the guy several times and her repeating that desperate plea, he stopped the ride and brought in the water hose. No more “scary” rides for me. But the 19th will be different. I'll take some Dramamine before we arrive and I should be OK. You wouldn't believe how much I'm looking forward to this amazing day two weeks from now! I'm counting the days my friend. You can count on plenty of pictures and a few On The Go Videos on the blog day!! I guarantee...Oh it's going to be a blast. Did I just sound like a kid? Because these days I sometimes feel like one.

It was so nice waking up this morning and enjoying breakfast at a nice relaxed pace. It really started the day right. I had an egg white and cheese stuffed pita for 190 calories. It was incredibly filling and an awesome calorie value. Courtney sliced up some apples and I marinated them in lemon juice for my mid-morning snack. I love those things! I had a small chili for lunch from Wendy's for 215 calories (with two saltines) and I just enjoyed one and a half personal pita cheese pizzas. A simple cheese pita pizza comes in at a low 140 calories. So 210 for 1.5 of those tasty things---it's just an incredible calorie value. If it's filling, taste indulgent, is actually good for you, and has a really low calorie total----then that's an amazing calorie value! It always amazes me when people react with horror over the idea of only eating 1500 calories. “Only 1500? That's not a lot, is it?” Yes, it's plenty—if you budget them responsibly. I'm seriously never hungry. The only time I've felt hunger is every once in a while first thing in the morning. Then I eat something right then! Hunger be gone!!! And it is. And so is 209 pounds.

Irene and I have a “date” when I get home from play rehearsal. That's right! We're going out together for a late night stroll. It's something I'll look forward to all night!

Quick notes before I post this: The Tony “The Anti-Jared” Posnanski interview is posted and ready for your listening pleasure. Tomorrow I've been invited to the OSU-Georgia game at Boone Pickens Stadium. It's an ABC national telecast in the United States, so look for me! I'm taking a camera and I'll bring back the pics! Can't wait to share them. I can't wait to sit comfortably in a stadium seat without crowding the people around me. That'll be nice. Very nice. I will be posting tomorrow night really late. The game will keep me from posting anything until probably early Sunday morning. I'm arriving early before the game to have lunch with mom...can't wait! We'll have to take a picture too if momma don't mind!

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the new interview posted in the divShare player in the upper left hand corner of the blog. I'll have a section on the blog soon for interview archives, in case you miss one. Remember to vote for the next interview. The poll is on the left. Besides one of these, I hope to interview my girls real soon too. All three of them. I haven't decided if I'll do it individually or all together just yet, but I'll figure that out. I sincerely appreciate all the wonderful advice on slowing down. You're so right. With proper time management I think we can manage, you know? No time to waste. And when you think about this entire journey, it's been about no longer wasting time on morbid obesity. My best always friend. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 354 Time Is So Precious and Strategic Maneuvering of This Crazy Wonderful Life

Day 354

Time Is So Precious and Strategic Maneuvering of This Crazy Wonderful Life

It feels very strange sitting down to the computer to write in the middle of the afternoon. I much prefer writing at the end of the day and recounting that day and evenings thoughts, emotions, triumphs, struggles and happenings. It'll be hard to get use to this way, but certainly workable. And it's not like I'll be missing anything. It's simply a shift in my frame of reference. I imagine many of my afternoon written blogs will start with “Last night as we...” And that's cool. It's a must considering my schedule now. My schedule was already booked pretty tight before accepting the responsibility and commitment of a stage production. Some close family and friends think I'm crazy, but hear me out: Maybe what I needed to really learn valuable time management skills was this amped up schedule. Like 1500 calories forcing me to make better “calorie value” choices throughout a day, this schedule forces me to make wise “time value” decisions. The great thing about this schedule is, it's not going to be this way forever. After the final curtain on this play, I'll come away having accomplished something I've always dreamed of, and I'll have learned valuable lessons in time management.

Yesterday did not go as planned. First off, let me mention that I'm sick. Yes, the typical head and chest congestion, sluggish, yuk-yuk kind of stuff. I've been drinking Theraflu like an addict, using hand sanitizer like crazy, and amping up my water consumption. I didn't mention the sick thing last night because I didn't want to focus on that. It'll pass. It certainly isn't holding me back.

We were short one person at the studio, they were out for a funeral. So my schedule required that I stay late. Probably would have had to anyway because of the production requirements of the day. I left the studio by 4:30pm and quickly set out to do some errands. I ran into the house long enough to visit for ten minutes with Irene before she left for work, then I was out the door for the bank and another errand that couldn't wait another day. I arrived back to our driveway just as Irene was pulling out into the street. I still had dinner and some kind of a workout to consider before rehearsal at 7pm. And rehearsal takes place in a town fifteen minutes away, so that means leaving by at least 6:35 or so to ensure I'm not late. Keep in mind I had less than four hours of sleep the night before and no nap. I decided to refresh myself with a shower and a change of clothes and it didn't take long to realize that dinner would have to wait---as well as the workout. I was simply running out of time. I did fix a pita cheese pizza for 145 calories, just enough to hold me over until after rehearsal.

I left rehearsal not too long after 9pm and all the way home thought about my plan of attack. I knew that I promised Courtney I'd help her with a big school project as soon as I returned. I also needed dinner. Courtney had already had her dinner, so it was just me. I don't even remember what I fixed. I'm sure it was good. After eating, I reported to the dining room table to help Courtney with the project. The time was after 10pm already and I had even started writing my blog. At around 10:30, Amber called from school requesting some help on an essay. She wanted to e-mail me the essay and have me suggest changes and corrections then give it an overall evaluation and “Dad, it's due in the morning!” OK! This is getting interesting my friends. I finished the project with Courtney (she did all of the work, I just kind of supervised) then it was off to open this e-mailed essay from Amber. It was a really good, rather lengthy essay on her first experience in the 'game of love.' The entire essay was wonderfully written with comparisons to modern games we all know and enjoy, it was clever indeed. I studied the essay, made some changes, offered some suggestions, then e-mailed it back to her. Before I knew it we were facing midnight without one word of my blog written.

I really wanted it to be as monumental a blog last night as the weigh-in that inspired it. It became what it was, and it was fine, but not what I had hoped for. Maybe I'm too critical of myself. Oh, and did you notice? No workout-and as sick as I felt, and as late as it was---It just wasn't happening. I knew the alarm was set for 5am and another busy day was bucking to be released. I had to get as much sleep as possible, knowing that it wasn't going to be enough, and knowing that it isn't good for my metabolism and horrible for my immune system fighting this crud that's made itself at home inside me.

I'm really struggling with not being able to read as many blogs as I normally do, in fact none today already, and very few the last couple of days, let alone comment on any. I feel horrible about this. Completely horrible. If you've missed me around your blog lately, please understand that I miss you and as soon as I can get this schedule leveled out and into a groove, I'll be able to get back to reading and writing my always supportive blogging friends. I can't thank you enough for the outpouring of support and congratulations you've given me. But remember, you certainly do not need to feel obligated to comment me---I'm having a tough time with this situation. The circle of support that has been created around weight loss blogdom is incredible. I pride myself on being apart of that. And I still am and I will continue to be. Hang in there with me. You with me? I never forget that what I write is my therapy, this is my therapeutic mental conditioning that I would write regardless if anyone reads it or not. Encouragement and support feels so wonderful, and it's a very important part of this weight loss equation, but we mustn't allow it to become consuming. Our words of how we feel, what we're doing, and the magnificent transformation we're cultivating---this is the most important thing---these writings we all create have incredible power to help us change and understand change. Your support is always appreciated in the form of comments, but I certainly understand if you don't. I hope you'll afford me that same consideration for the time being.

Irene just arrived after a (brace yourself) after working a nearly twenty-four hour day. Well, technically she worked a twelve, but they had meetings scheduled all day today that she was required to attend and offer her input. I'm ready to cook dinner and then workout, before showering and heading off to play rehearsal. I should have a much earlier bedtime tonight, and that will be good! I desperately need the rest to get over this sickness.

Thanks to everyone that offered prayers and thoughts for Irene's dad. He was released from the hospital today and told me “I feel better than ever—they've been shooting me up with a cocktail of antibiotics and morphine---never felt better!” Very nice. He's going to make it, I just have a wonderful feeling about that.

One very important note: The interview with Tony “The Anti-Jared” Posnanski isn't ready for “air.” I haven't had time to edit. I had planned on posting that tonight, but that would require a late night editing session---and I can't do that tonight. I look forward to holding my wife as we drift off to sleep at a responsible and reasonable hour. I miss her. We must make the most of the time we have together. I can't wait for you to hear the interview. I'm hoping to edit during my lunch hour tomorrow and then I'll preview it to Tony and release it after he has a chance to listen. Thank you for your patience. My best always. I mean those words my friend. My best always. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 353 A Monumental Weigh Day

Day 353

A Monumental Weigh Day

I had a real mental hangup all morning and early afternoon, right up until weigh-in time. I did have breakfast, couldn't miss that! It was three egg whites in one of those flax seed, oat bran, and stone ground whole wheat pitas (these things are delicious—don't let the ingredients mislead you). The entire breakfast pita, even with a half slice of American cheese, came in at only 140 calories. The hang-up? I didn't eat another thing until after weigh-in. Even though I know all about the wood-burning stove that is my metabolism. By weigh-in time the fire was getting really weak. Not good. How crazy is that? Like an apple was really going to mess up my weigh-in? It wasn't smart, far from perfect, and completely irrational, but I wasn't taking any chances. I wanted this milestone today. All I needed was a two pound loss over the last two weeks, but after the three pound loss last time---I just wasn't sure what my body was willing to give me. I kept hearing the word “plateau” in my head. I was prepared to handle the results come good or bad, or at least I think I was. I was pretty confident. My new pair of Levi's—size 42's are really too big. I should have grabbed the 40's, maybe some 38's huh? Now there will be another major milestone coming soon! Wearing something in the 30's for a waist size...wow.

I arrived at the doctors office ready to face the scale. The scale and I are friends really, have been from day one. It's a simple arrangement really. As long as I consistently do what I'm suppose to do, then the scale will hopefully continue a downward trend. Stepping on that scale today and seeing 296 was amazing. I didn't expect to become emotional, but I quickly teared up. I did again while sending out the e-mail, text, and twitter. I've officially lost 209 pounds in 353 days. I was so incredibly happy with a five pound loss, it was a wonderful thing. I weigh two hundred and ninety-six pounds! I just love that way that sounds, you know?

It's been a long and tiring day. It's also been one of the happiest days along this road so far. Our first rehearsal for the play was tonight, just a table reading. It's going to be a powerful production. It may be a strain on my schedule, but one I'm happily doing because I've always wanted to do it. Doing things I've never been able to do, or simply thought I couldn't do, is really important to me. In the coming months I plan on flying in a Cessna airplane. I want to sky dive. I'm going to an amusement park with my kids and riding those crazy rides until I'm sick. I'm going to rent or borrow a little two seater sports car and drive it around just because I can. And I'm sure the list will grow. If it's something I couldn't or wouldn't do at 505 pounds, then it's under consideration!

How much more will I lose? That's an interesting thing to ponder. I don't know. 230 means another 66 pounds, but I'm beginning to think that may be too low. I know others have said it and I've disagreed, but here's the deal: This isn't about a certain weight. I know where I want to be and it has very little to do with a number and everything to do with how I feel and what I see in the mirror. It's really wonderful now because even five or ten pounds makes a big difference. The first 35 pounds lost made little difference on my 505 pound body, but the last 35 pounds has made a huge difference in my appearance.

After rehearsal I promised to help Courtney with a project. Amber called and she needed help too via e-mail. So it's late. I will try to catch up on reading and commenting blogs tomorrow before our workout. I must drop in bed now.

Thank you for the prayers and comments about Irene's dad. He's doing much better and is expected to be released in the morning. We certainly hope so. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 352 A Turning Point and The 300's Will Be Gone Forever

Day 352

A Turning Point and The 300's Will Be Gone Forever

Our thoughts and prayers are with Irene's dad tonight. He's in the hospital suffering from congestive heart failure. The doctor is very optimistic that he'll pull through. If there ever was a wake up call for someone, this is it for him. I've written about him before. I was so happy to see him in the third row as I spoke at the “Lose To Win” kick off event back in February. I think he really learned something about me that night, and I certainly learned something about him. He took away a better understanding of the struggles my weight had put upon his daughter and our family and I discovered that this big burly macho truck driver of a man really did care about his health and was ready to do something. He and I have had differences in the past, mainly stemming from Irene and my teenage years. Over time our relationship has changed dramatically for the better. It's amazing what time can do for our differences. It was so refreshing to see him at the kick-off seminar and a few other programs. It was awesome to see him losing weight and feeling a difference. But like me in the past and so many others today, he struggled hard. He's since gained back everything he's lost this year and now this hospitalization is a major turning point for him. I pray that he has an opportunity to choose the direction he turns. We'll do whatever we can to encourage him and show him a positive example, but as you know, ultimately the choices are his to make. Judging from his desires at that “Lose To Win” kick off event, I have a feeling he has some good choices in his immediate future. I certainly hope and pray so.

I was overwhelmed with blog comments and e-mail congratulations about getting the part in the play. Thank you! It was an awesome thing. I really look forward to learning as I go, “acting as if” while I open my mind and allow the direction to tune my inexperienced rawness. I have a feeling that this is going to be a wonderful thing in my life. It feels very natural. I think my years in stand-up in front of live audiences will really come in handy. But this is different. And different is good. It really is.

Tomorrow is a big day. I'll weigh-in tomorrow afternoon and at this point I should be in the 290's. I'm fairly confident of this. The 300's will be gone forever! Several people have told me that I look much smaller already and I thank them for the compliment. All I can say is: I'm blessed to be 6'3. That has been the key to my survival over the years. It's allowed me to “carry” my weight well. Although I think telling myself that helped me rationalize bad choices my entire life. To get below 300 for the first time since fifteen is such a monumental thing for me. I'm already wearing the same size jeans I did back then, it's an amazing feeling. I'll be excited to send out that weigh day update tomorrow via e-mail, text, and Twitter. And I can't wait to write about the experience.

I interviewed Tony “The Anti-Jared” Posnanski tonight. It certainly wasn't what I expected. Isn't it funny how we form impressions of people and then sometimes we discover we didn't have it right? I came away with an amazing understanding of his approach and philosophy. The interview will be edited for time and available Thursday evening. In the meantime, please press play on the MP3 player and listen to the promotional announcement for this interview. I'll soon have all of the blog audio accessible anytime. Looking for the Jack Sh*t interview? It'll be back soon in a different location within this blog. I'm also putting up a poll question asking who you would like to hear from in my next interview. Whichever blogger wins the poll, I'll e-mail them with an official interview request.

I'm headed to bed a little earlier tonight. Tomorrow starts a new schedule that includes afternoon workouts and late afternoon writing before play rehearsal. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean