The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser

Day 1,222 Please, Let's Go Behind The Curtain: The SCZ Examined

2012-01-12T05:05:00.000-08:00

Day 1,222

Please, Let's Go Behind The Curtain: The SCZ Examined

I have spoken and written about the “Steel Curtain Zone” many times. The SCZ is simply a barrier I have erected between me and my old behaviors where food is concerned.

It was born from necessity when I made my ICD, or “Iron-Clad Decision” to choose change.

This ICD meant I wasn't going to allow any person, place, thing, emotion, circumstance, celebration, misfortune, stress, or whatever else, be used as an excuse for failure. This time, I wasn't letting myself off the hook easily, or ever again.

I have a calorie limit daily and although I choose to eat any type of food I want I cannot violate the Calorie Bank and Trust©. That is an unbreakable SCZ rule and it requires a level of self-honesty in my choices and portions I never knew before this incredible blessing started.

It also forces me to naturally make better nutritional choices, because it's my intent to get the most value from my calorie “dollar.”

I started thinking about how many times I have used the term “Steel Curtain Zone” and how you might get the wrong impression. The term “steel curtain” brings to mind something unmovable, as it should.

However, it was never my intention to lead you or anyone to believe that behind the steel curtain stands a man of steel. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It dawned on me that out there somewhere, reading my words, might be someone else who sees the term steel curtain zone and feels "I could never do that. I don't have the willpower. I'm not made of steel"

If that's you, then you really need to know this right now: I'm not made of steel either.

The curtain is steel, but I'm not.

Maybe you think I'm just playing verbal gymnastics with you, but no, honestly, I'm not.

There is a world of difference between me being a man of steel and me being behind a steel curtain. You see, it is precisely because I am NOT made of steel that I need the steel curtain.

The SCZ protects me.

I am weak. It is recognizing my weakness that has brought me victory. There has been a lot of struggle behind the steel curtain. Inner changes that had to take place in my mind to allow me to change physically. The steel curtain didn't just keep food out, it kept me in.

While food was out there on the other side of the steel curtain, I was left on this side doing whatever I had to do to not violate the steel curtain.

In the end, I discovered this was the REAL battle. Me learning to allow myself to win. The SCZ coupled with the CB&T© made it possible for me to focus on the real inner battle for the first time in my life.

I was no longer battling food. I was no longer fighting the wrong battle, and I didn't have to, because I was safe behind the steel curtain.

I had to watch myself and learn all the different ways my inner self would try to rip away the safety of the steel curtain.

There, safe behind the curtain, I was finally free to learn about myself. Learn my weaknesses AND my strengths. I don't know if this helps you, but I know it helps me to look at this. Mainly I just wanted to let you know and remind me, that I am not a man of steel.

If I ever actually believe I'm a man of steel, I would quickly become lost again.

Before this transformation I saw myself as helpless, hopeless, and a lost cause. I believe one can be just as lost on the other side of the road if they start thinking of themselves as invincible.

I know that I am not and that is why I, Sean A. Anderson, a mere mortal, still need the “Steel Curtain Zone.”

Thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

It would be an honor to personally ship you a signed copy of my book "Transformation Road-My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back," available for purchase directly from my website www.transformationroad.com

Also--I would be thrilled for you to join me on Facebook. My personal page is www.facebook.com/seananderson505 and I hope you'll also "like" the book page: www.facebook.com/transformationroad

Day 1,220 Back To Basics

2012-01-10T17:05:00.000-08:00

Day 1,220

Back To Basics

I've written a bunch of blog posts over the last few years. Some were short (Seriously, there was a time...Okay, come on---stop laughing!!!), Some were epic, some were so full of different thoughts and ideas, it was probably hard to maintain focus on any one subject (I know it was often that way for me). And some are my very favorite posts, because they were paramount in my understanding of me. Day 327, Day 135, Day 60...all important marks along this road. The night Courtney burned her girdle, the "Wrong Battle" analogy...and the pictures, oh my---at some point, and I'm not sure when it started, I felt the need to post 137 pictures at the end of every blog post. And if I could also add a video in there or an audio clip of something, I'd do that too.

Well, tonight, I'm not doing what I've done lately. I'm not talking about the book (okay, maybe a little at the end of this post--I mean, I am promoting a book these days!), and I'm not posting a single picture with this entry.

I'm not railing against the "industry" or making comments about the content of mainstream shows and magazines. Nope, not at all. Tonight is a back to basics approach, where we just talk. Uh---Okay, I guess we're not talking really...but I'm just writing and you can comment later, if you so desire.

From the very beginning of this trek, I've tried to keep the fundamentals very simple. The food and exercise, from my experiences--could be made to be so crazy complicated, it would frustrate and risk me wanting to give up. So I kept it simple. I never wrote down my daily food, because I didn't want to mess with the paper work. This is an individual preference, because I have friends who MUST write everything down. My attitude was simple: Compared to the amount of food I was eating to maintain at over 500 pounds for so long, eating only 1500 calories should be easy to keep track in my head. And for me, it was. I had a running total every day and I always knew where I stood.

Exercise was kept as simple as possible. Too simple, you might say. I've never been a P90X'er kind of guy. I'm more a "walk in the park" and "Okay, I guess I'll try to jog a little" kind of guy. And that was okay, right, and perfect for me.

Could I be some massive muscle bound guy by now? Sure, if that's what I would have chosen. But it wasn't. I know, I know...If you've read every day of this blog, then you remember my often times exhausting tone of disappointment over my lack of discipline in the weight room. The truth is, I'm not, nor will I ever be the perfect beach body looking guy with abs of steel. I'm just me. And that's all I want to be.

Will I ever have skin removal surgery? Probably not. I once talked all about how I would and how I deserved it, and perhaps I do. But I really don't care if I ever have the procedure.

For the first time in my entire life, I'm finding a beautiful self-acceptance and peace about who I am, what I'm about, and where I'm headed. I'm loved by the close friends and family around me and by wonderful people all over the world---and it's truly a blessing. Most importantly, this journey has brought me to a place where I love myself more and more everyday. Is it a full embrace? No. It's kind of a warm embrace with an awkward ending--Because I'm still growing and learning, about me, and about these changes making my life what it is today.

How do I maintain? The question has come up often since hitting goal in November 2010. The answer is: I eat normal portions of what I love and I exercise occasionally (and always striving to change the word occasionally to regularly to "loving running" or something like that...).

There's of course, much more to it, and I'll get into it on my next blog post.

Thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

P.S.--You can pre-order your personally signed and shipped copy of "Transformation Road--My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back," on my website. My personal inventory is currently sold out, but I'm receiving a refill before the end of the week. At that time, another shipment will be mailed--including the five wonderful people who's pre-orders are waiting and of course, your copy. Coming soon: ereader versions and an audio version! I just voiced Chapter 505 and Chapter 1 tonight! Very excited about the release of these options!

Day 1,217 It Can't Be Installed Like A Computer Program, Reviews, and More!

2012-01-07T17:05:00.000-08:00

Day 1,217

It Can't Be Installed Like A Computer Program, Reviews, and More!

A long time reader writes:
"No worries Sean, there will be shows and magazines for you someday."

Before moving further into this blog post, let me clarify something. My last blog post wasn't me whining and complaining or throwing a jealous fit about not making the cut for a major television show or magazine issue.

It wasn't about me. It was my experience/perception of how the weight loss industry seemingly controls mainstream media with its magic wand of cash. Now, with that said--do I love the show mentioned? Yes. Would I jump at the chance to share my story with their viewers? Of course! Would I absolutely faint into my morning egg white omelet if the magazine mentioned ever decided to feature me? Yes, naturally.

But not in a "fame seeking" kind of way. Simply in a "how many more people can I reach with what I've learned along the way?" kind of way.

You see--My goal, my mission, my passion in life is pure and simple. And it's all about sharing my experiences and philosophies. It just so happens, these messages are not yet attached to a billion dollar company capable of writing huge advertising checks to mainstream media outlets. And my simplistic yet deeper understanding of the dynamics involved in my liberation do not require special products, plans, or anything in which you can affix a price tag. Featuring what I have to say, might very well offend one of these giant check writers, and people's livelihoods are at stake at that point.

The wonderful thing is, I understand! I've been a member of the broadcasting media for nearly a quarter of a century (oh my, that makes me feel really old). When a listener hears me voicing a commercial detailing the amazing flavor and awesomeness of various restaurant menu items, it might sometimes sound very strange and contrary. But it's my day job. It's part of what I do. And to me, I know from experience--it all comes down to our personal choices. It's not the restaurant industry at fault for the obesity epidemic--it's always, every time...our individual choices. Very few menu items exist that can't be enjoyed in a reasonable portion size--in a normal way. It was always my internal influence that turned what could have been reasonable and manageable, into crazy-unmanageable--and over-board excess. My choices...every time.

I'll keep on doing what I do---writing what I write, saying what I say, delivering my message the way I do...and the only thing that will ever change it, is my ability to grow and learn along the way. Because I'm always learning, that never stops. I'm not an expert on anything or anyone but me. I'm not a weight loss guru. I'm a weight loss "you-ru," because these changes I write and speak about must come from within each of us---it's not about me, it's about you. You and your amazing power to choose change. And when you do choose change...try to put a price check on it. It's very hard...because it's priceless and relatively unique for each and every one of us.

I owe a big thank you to the many family and friends who often show up in these blog posts and of course in my book. I have many loved ones and I'm eternally grateful for their love and support. It's no secret, many of my friends and loved ones struggle just like me, with obesity and all of the dynamics involved. A few wonderful people have lately expressed a puzzled perception of how I can be so close to my family and friends, and while I have seemingly overcome, many of them still struggle. As if my family and friends individual success is somehow guaranteed by virtue of our close relationship. Let me explain a thing or two, please...

We're all at different points along this road. And we all have different experiences, emotions, behaviors, likes, dislikes, and the list can go on and on. We're each a snowflake, different and beautiful in our own wonderful way. There's only one person in the world who can do it for anyone. It's not Chris Powell, or Jillian, or Bob, or Richard Simmons, or me, or my book, or any product or service glaring from the billboards along this road. This one person is very easy to find but often difficult to connect with deeply, because of the conditioning developed over our individual lifetime experiences. Easy to find, by simply looking into any mirror, harder to understand without a concentrated effort of self-discovery.

So why do I do and share what I do? Because I have hope. I hope and pray that my experience and example can shift the perspective of someone just enough--that they might find their own "click" within themselves. Because it must come from within. No person or product can do it for anyone, ever. And if they do, it's most always, without fail--temporary.

When someone, like me, discovers the answers do not exist outside of themselves, that's when amazing transformations take place. And once this epiphany happens for someone--look out, because their transformation is as sure as night turns to day. It's empowering in the most fantastic way possible.

The internal changes for each of us, can't be installed like a computer program. If that were the case, I'd have IT specialist all over it, designing the perfect program available for instant download---and I'd become a multi-gazillionare overnight and the World's obesity epidemic would fade away into a distant era in history. Wow, wouldn't that be amazing? It can't be done.

And it can't be done, for anyone, by anyone else other than themselves.

What we can do is this: We can focus on ourselves and our individual transformations. We can write and speak about what we're learning along the way and how it applies to our situation. We simply do what we do---and as we do, people close to us or in tune with our message---may or may not pick up and relate in their own way, and being "tuned in" just might shift something---and then, their personal "click" might happen. Or not.

And it doesn't matter one way or another, because we love them regardless of size or scale or someone's ability to "get it." And since it can't be installed like the latest version of Windows, it gives us peace. Because the only person we're ultimately responsible for and able to help, is staring back at us in the mirror.

Thank you for reading, goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean

Reviews have been pouring in for my first book "Transformation Road-My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back," and I'm beyond grateful for the incredible words from these amazing people. You've given me a tremendous gift, thank you! Here are some:

Judy H.D.--

"Sean, just finished your book last night... read it in a day, I just couldn't put it down. I could hear your voice while reading it, so it was like you were talking to ME. I cried within the first 10 pages. There are so many things I could connect with. I was a 'husky' child. And I was also a single mom, and I have a mama's boy who is 26 years old now. Oh gosh, I could go on and on and on about how much I love your book, your story. (and I might lol) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this, for sharing this. There are so many people I wish would read your book now, Sean. They may not feel the hopelessness of never losing weight when they read your words. The words 'thank you' just don't do it.:)"

Paula L.--

"rec'd my book in the mail today! so exciting! read the first 148 pages, taking only a break for dinner, and putting the kiddo's to bed. really enjoying it!"

Cathy L.--

"Hi Sean, I just had to write you a quick note. I just opened up my package that contained your book. I am so excited. I almost want to go home sick just to start reading it, but I won't. I have been following you since AOL did a pop up story of you a few years ago. You are amazing. What you have done with your life, and you have helped so many of us struggling with the weight problem you have given us hope. Keep up the much success. Thanks for everything."

Michelle R.D.--

"Sean, I finished reading your book this morning. It was awesome!! Once I started reading, I couldn't put it down. I would highly recommend this book to anyone with any kind of addiction. As I read, even though our lives were different, I could start to see the excuses in my life that have stopped me from losing weight. It had to be so hard for you to reveal such intimate details of your life. But that's where the honesty part comes in and total accountability. You are such an inspiration!! I believe this book will be a #1 best seller!! I wish you the best of luck! I look forward to reading your blog. I plan on starting with Day One tonight."

Wendy Landes--Personal and Group Fitness Trainer

"I just finished ur book in a car ride to northeast Oklahoma! It is absolutely amazing! So moving, engaging and right on point! I am ecstatic about ur accomplishments and even prouder to have u as a friend! Congrats…"

Gloria J.—(after watching the quirky little video found below and reading the book)

"Good morning to you; I just cut up two apples, squeezed lemon juice all over them and sprinkled cinnamon and Splenda over them...got my "apple pie" ready for my lunch. Getting ready for work. Thank you so much for this idea. It is scrumptious!!!! Yum!! Have a great day. I finished your book last night. Awesome, awesome!!!! Thank you..for sharing your story and reaching out to others and allowing us to keep in touch with you. I have lived in Ponca for 7 years but never heard about you until I saw the ad in the Ponca City News. Thank you Ponca City News!!!!"

The book is available by order from any bookstore, amazon.com, amazon in Europe and other countries, Flipkart.com in India, and various other outlets. You can order personalized signed copies directly from me--shipped to you by me, from my website www.transformationroad.com

Coming soon: Kindle, Nook, and three other ereader formats. Plus, an audio version I get to voice!!

Combining my broadcasting career with my new career as a writer was destined to create this: "Sean In The Morning" interviewing Author Sean A. Anderson (Note: A delicate balance of humor and truth can be heard in the below audio clip):

More photos from my recent book signing at Brace Books and More! Photo credits: Cathy Cole

Some more photos from my personal collection:

Triumphant stance in front of marquee!

Finally holding it my hands!

At my dining room table signing pre-orders. Kelly snapped this shot when I wasn't looking...genuine happiness on that face there, my friend!

Amber is a pro at organizing the packing and sealing of the shipments. She supervised Courtney, Bradley, and Dylan too---and they all did an amazing job! Thank you!

Ready for the post office!

On the back dock waiting for post pick-up. The initial shipping of pre-orders took an hour and a half inside, in front of a waiting mid-day crowd who now, thanks to me and your orders, only had one postal employee to handle the rush. My apologies!! Really wasn't a good time to take up a counter position! Great thing is this: No reason for a future back-log again. I'll be able to ship as I receive new orders.

A recent dinner I prepared for Kelly and me. It was incredible, if I do say so myself!! And the calorie value was awesome! Just under 350 calories on this plate!

Always keeping a supply of snacks I love ready in my man-purse---I mean, European Shoulder Bag--enables me to navigate my day without feeling famished at the end of the afternoon!

I'll be featured on www.blogtalkradio.com Monday January 9th with Cyrus Webb and his show, "Conversations LIVE." The show airs at 5pm central, 3pm Pacific, and 6pm Eastern. Here's the link.

To watch the "What's In The Bag?" You Tube Video, just click the link below:

http://youtu.be/Imtzdr9C07k

Day 1,210 "You Should Be On That TV Show!" and People Magazine Is Incredible!

2012-01-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

Day 1,210

"You Should Be On That TV Show!" and People Magazine Is Incredible!

“Sean—dude, you need to contact People Magazine about their annual “half their size” issue. You’re perfect for that!”

I started getting messages like this regularly a very long time ago; suggestions from friends, family, and fellow weight loss bloggers alike. The messages and suggestions were sincere and always supportive. “You need to be on Oprah or Ellen, and what about Rachael Ray? Rachael Ray would love you!"

You think? Really?

When I checked my email on a Friday night at my Aunt Beverly’s house in Alabama during my November 2010 visit, it was confirmed. I was sitting across from Aunt Bev on her couch, when I became slightly out of breath while checking my email. I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

“Sean, we recently discovered your amazing blog and story and we would love to discuss having you on our show. I also sent you a facebook message regarding this email. I need you to send me your phone number so we can talk about a possible appearance.”

And it was signed by one of Rachael Ray’s producers, with their address in New York City, their numbers, everything. It was official. They would love me! They already did because they checked out this “amazing” blog, as she said in her email message.

I immediately showed the email to Aunt Beverly, simply to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. This was really happening.

The rest of the weekend was amazing. I enjoyed what turned out to by my grandfather’s last birthday party. I met relatives I’d never had the pleasure of knowing, and all the while, I carried this crazy euphoric feeling accompanying the idea that I might have a larger stage someday soon; to share the message I’m so passionate about. I can count on two hands how many weekends I’ve had in my life, filled with this much love, understanding, clarity, hope, and anticipation. It was a cleansing time in my life, where everything seemed to be falling into place in its own perfect time. And it was, and it does. But as I quickly learned, my version of “perfect time,” and the divine universe’s version of same, can be very different indeed.

The phone call came with the Rachael Ray Show and it left me with an uneasy feeling. The producer asked me the expected, “How did you do it?” and what I gave her in return was something she wasn’t expecting.

I tried to condense the core of my story into a tight sixty-seconds. I hit all the bases in what certainly felt like a championship homerun trot around the diamond of my transformation. I mentioned the “Steel Curtain Zone,” the “Calorie Bank and Trust,” and how my biggest battle was with me and not the food and exercise. I quickly explained how I’d never eaten a salad, ever. And since Rachael Ray could probably create an amazing salad I would love—perhaps my first salad ever, should be on her show. Great idea, wonderful presentation, delivered with a calm confidence and tone; unwavering in my beliefs and my mission of sharing, in hopes of helping other people “like me.”

The uneasy feeling stemmed from the reaction she gave me in response to my sixty second (okay, who am I fooling? I do very little in sixty seconds.) I mean my ninety to one hundred twenty second explanation of this entire journey. I’m familiar with this response. My passionate delivery of the simplistic, yet deep approach leaves many people scratching their heads. And that’s okay. Because the ones who really get it---the ones who relate, who allow themselves to really absorb truth and learn—those people are the ones that come away with their perspective forever changed. And it’s not because they’re learning about me or from me. It’s because they’re finally looking inside themselves and discovering something incredible. This change isn’t exclusive to me or a lucky few. It’s available to them too. But this producer of this nationally syndicated television show wasn’t relating, she was scratching, before quickly moving along to other things, whatever big time producers do---she was doing that, and given the cold reception email inquiries from me generated, I finally let it go and realized something wonderful.

The Rachael Ray Show wasn’t ready for me. And that’s cool. I do like Rachael Ray and what she does. And it would have been an absolute dream to be on her show. But I have a calm confidence in what I do. And what I do isn’t influenced or changed by what mainstream media expects or wants. I’ll never change my message or approach. Some will totally get it and some will not. Regardless, I’ll keep on being me. The rest can catch up later.

This same dynamic repeated itself in 2011 with People Magazine.

My entire morbidly obese life, or for however long they’ve published the “Half Their Size” annual issue, I’ve bought it. I bought it again last night. This time was different. I was interested in the stories of who they chose. I was interested in how they presented each story and the overall impact of this traditionally mind blowing issue of my favorite magazine of all time.

I was also interested in how the article turned out, because I was one of many they were considering for this monumental New Year issue. I just couldn’t imagine being in People’s HTS issue. When I think about the number of times 500 pound Sean would sit and become emotional from reading the stories featured---and to think, even for just a little while, that I might be in the issue—was the craziest notion, but for a little while last August, it seemed like it might actually happen. I had exactly what they were looking for, I thought. A natural approach—no pills, no surgery, no gimmicks…just eating, exercising, and living in the real world—navigating life and all of its ups and downs, while maintaining my focus where it had to be the strongest, and accomplishing something I once was convinced impossible. Yeah, right on—you friends that suggested I submit my information to People. You get it, you understand!

But People Magazine doesn’t. I realized this after hearing from someone who caught the interview on NBC’s Today Show and asked why I wasn’t on there. (Like it was simply a choice. “Nah, didn’t have time, really…yeah right.) They told me about the different plans and products used, the stories—most all of them but one that I noticed, could be tied into a company or companies that make the wheels of this 33 Billion dollar a year industry turn. And so I bought the issue to confirm what I was told.

Before I even noticed the story, I noticed the hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of display advertising for a bunch of weight loss industry heavy hitters. All the big names were found in those pages and the cash register at People keeps ringing, and that’s good! I don’t fault them for being successful.

So, I totally get it. I don’t take it personal anymore. It’s not me, it’s them. My story is my story and if you’re familiar with this blog and my book, then you know---I’m like an indie band you may never hear about on MTV, but they still put out the most amazing, mind enhancing musical experiences known to all who pause long enough to pay attention, to really “get it.”

People Magazine might not “get it,” yet. But they have plenty of money from the weight loss industry to intoxicate their motives and good intentions, just enough so they can feel good about what they’re doing as they make plans for the next issue. I still love People Magazine. Because I understand them and I love what is. And this is what is, for them…and me. And it’s all good.

My goal has never been fame and fortune. My goal is very simple: Reach as many people as I can with my experience and to communicate it in such a fashion, that somehow, maybe, just maybe…it’ll make an impact, shift someone’s perspective---the tiniest amount, but enough to help them facilitate their own “click.” Because I’ve found a sweet freedom and it would be selfish of me to keep it to myself.

And it was found without the weight loss industry. Because when I stopped looking for the solution outside of myself and I finally looked in the mirror and into my soul, I realized I had everything I needed already. And I couldn’t have purchased it from any store or in the supermarket checkout line. It’s real and inside each one of us, this power to choose change before change chooses us.

2012 is poised to be a monumental year for 505 Industries L.L.C. And I’m sure I’ll receive some criticism about commercializing my pursuit with an eventual premium content section on my website, an online “505 Store” containing merchandise like audio/video downloads, frame worthy printed quotations, bookmarks, journals, clothing, and more. Plus produced and promoted speaking events will take my world of weight loss speaking to another creative level—making them an experience designed to make the most impact to those in attendance. These pursuits, plus media, including plans for radio and perhaps television on some level, someday, are completely possible.

The goal is simple: Reach as many people as possible. I do not care if mainstream media ever calls—and I know, the weight loss industry will not like what I have to say about truly natural weight loss—and as long as the industry writes huge checks to mainstream media, I’ll need not worry about those kind of calls, because they simply won’t come. And that’s just fine.

Because I’m going to keep on writing, speaking, and sharing, always and forever, as long as I can. And whatever way I find to monetize my pursuit, in an effort to maintain a full time effort along this road, so be it. You can bet on two things always being consistent: My mission and my integrity. You’ll never hear me speak of or endorse something that isn’t in tune with what I’m about on every level.

By the way--Thank you to my friend Cyrus Webb for featuring me in an article in the January issue of Conversation Magazine! You can find it here: www.conversationsmag.com

Thank you for reading, Happy New Year and,

Good Choices,

Sean

With my big brother Clarke Hodson. Clarke is featured in the beginning of the book--he's a great man and was a wonderful influence in my life!

You can order your copy wherever books are sold, online at amazon.com, and signed copies are available directly from me at www.transformationroad.com

Day 1,209 A Dream Come True and A New Year Message

2011-12-31T05:05:00.000-08:00

Day 1,209

A Dream Come True and A New Year Message

Well, lookee what we have here. The end of another year and the beginning of what will surely be another spectacular twelve months. What I experienced last night was a dream come true, and I'm so happy it happened in 2011, such a breakthrough year for me.

Last evening from 4-8pm, I sat at a table inside a bookstore while a steady stream of wonderful people flowed through to have me sign their copy of my book. The night was filled with emotions and somehow, I made it through without melting down into a puddle of joyful tears.

And it wasn't just joyful tears, also--compassionate emotions for the people described in the stories of loved ones who were there, buying my book as a gift to someone special, hoping that person might be inspired--praying their loved one might find themselves in my story, and through my experiences and eventual triumph, maybe--just maybe, their perspective might be shifted just enough, just enough, so they might find their own "click" within. Because it isn't found in my book. It's always from deep within each of us.

And hearing the stories and seeing the pain and fear in the eyes of these wonderful people wasn't the end. I had to then, process what I just heard, and write a personal message inside the book for that person. Several times, my bottom lip was quivering with emotion as I penned the message. Once or twice, I could feel my eyes growing moist with fluid emotion. I was there in the middle of my 500 pound self-imposed misery, I get it. I've felt exactly like what they're describing to me about the ones they love. And now, it's the greatest honor for me, to be asked to write them something personal, in hopes it will make a positive impression.

The truth is, it might. The truth also says, it might not make a shred of difference. And it's this element, this undeniable truth that will always bring out the most emotion in me. As people who generally love and appreciate those closest to us, we want them to "get it," and shoot, if we could, we would just do it for them. At my heaviest, I really wanted someone to do it for me too. But as I've learned, it can never come from anyone, any product or book, any magazine article or blog post, or anything other than from what you see in the mirror.

The only way for me to write my book and make the impact I was hoping to make, was to simply tell the story from the beginning and let each reader take from it what they will. And it's sometimes common, the reactions I'm hearing, and sometimes unique perspectives were gained. It all depends on where the reader is along their own road.

It might just be enough to shift their perspective, giving them a brand new way to look at what this journey is all about. There's peace, joy, reclamation, redemption, and many other wonderful elements. And, there's some not so wonderful elements. I'm sure you already know, change isn't exclusively unicorns and rainbows.

It can be painful looking in the mirror and realizing you're looking at the one person who can be your biggest enemy or your greatest ally. And once you start digging into your own experience, you suddenly see things you didn't before, and it can be emotionally overwhelming.

Now, nothing can stop you from achieving your dreams and goals. You've decided. Iron-Clad decision--CHECK Steel Curtain Zone--CHECK Calorie Budget--CHECK Simple exercise plan: CHECK.

My hope is, everyone who reads my book will see some of themselves and their experiences, and they'll recognize--acknowledge the power they have within. Because we all have it inside. The only difference is, some acknowledge and use the power they have to choose positive change and some find themselves buried in their condition and circumstance so much, they can't see it...like, it's covered up on top of a messy table. But it's there, underneath, always. And some of us have to dig a little deeper and go a little further down the road to find it, but we will find it if we want. And once you realize this power you possess, to choose change before change chooses you, suddenly weight loss will be one of the many things on a very long list of good things for you, made better, because you chose it for yourself.

Have a happy New Year, my friends. Thank you for reading this blog and thank you for buying my book! Your support is such a major blessing to me.

My New Years Resolution thought is a very simple one:

I never kept my New Years Resolutions in the past because I was fully expecting to go to sleep on New Years Eve and wake up on January 1st a completely opposite version of what I was. The struggle to maintain this different version of me would last for different lengths of time each year and it would eventually crash and burn, like I knew it would, but still hoped it wouldn't. Why did I think it was a good idea to magically change a lifetime of bad habits overnight, simply because the calendar changed to a new year?

Because that's what I always did.

But now I know. Now I know, these changes must be a gradual evolution of good choices, where limits are maintained, yet my focus and attention are strongest on the person in the mirror. And it doesn't wait until the calendar switches, or next Monday, or until after the holidays, or after the big party, or "someday," or after anything other than now.

It starts now, this second. It's not scary. It's living--finally living free from the self-imposed misery I called home for so long. A simplified, consistent approach to change...nothing complicated and nothing crazy. Real, honest, change.

Happy New Year and,

Good Choices,
Sean

In promotion of the book signing, I scored an interview with some radio guy named "Sean In The Morning," and it was a blast, although he really was irritating me. This fun little concept was born in the brain of Team Radio owner Bill Coleman and fine tuned by Dave May and Me. I post it here for your listening pleasure.

My name in lights! What an awesome thing to see. Thank you Brace Books and More! Sorry to have driven by 173 times. I wasn't being strange, I promise. Okay, maybe a little...and perhaps it wasn't that many times, more like 16. That's still too many, huh?

I was happily surprised by the appearance of my mom, grandma, Aunt Kelli, and Uncle Keith!!! I didn't know they were coming to the signing, I swear...but I should have realized, the chance of them missing it was about the same as me missing it. Zero percent. Kelli took some wonderful photos! Cathy Cole did too--and I'll be getting those back from her very soon! Great shots, thank you both, Kelli and Cathy, for your photo talents!

With Mom and Amber

My daughters--so precious---wow. So happy they could both be with me for this monumental moment!

My girlfriend Kelly and Me. We absolutely dig one another. ;)

A wonderful woman buys a copy--me signing hers. Thank you, my friend!

Grandma and me. Grandma, my dear sweet grandmother--It's another dream come true having you with me at this event--I love you!

With Kelli Dee, or as I called her when I was a toddler, "Kelgee." She may be my mom's sister, my aunt, but we were very much raised like siblings.

Kelly and my girls by my side on this big night!

You can order the book from any bookseller (if they don't have it in stock), or Amazon.com, or directly from my website www.transformationroad.com and Brace Books and More still has signed copies available from their site or store: www.bracebooks.com

If you haven't sent me a friend request on facebook, please do! My personal FB page is:
www.facebook.com/seananderson505

My facebook page for the book is:
www.facebook.com/transformationroad

More exciting events are coming in 2012--Including a book tour (dates will be announced), more speaking events and book signings at YMCA's and other locations, and some exciting updates from my website---as we transform www.transformationroad.com into a must bookmark internet destination!

Day 1,201 The Way We Were and What's Changed: Christmas Weekend Eve

2011-12-23T05:05:00.000-08:00

Day 1,201

The Way We Were and What's Changed: Christmas Weekend Eve

Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas were always days where my abusive relationship with food faded from obvious and into "normal," or "accepted" behavior. Like a free pass to come out of the corner and just be me, in the name of whatever special date was on the calendar. I didn't have to hide my excess on these special dates because it was/is the norm in our society, and that's why I loved these red letter dates so much. My life revolved around food, so a day where everyone accepted this culinary "celebration" of sorts, was delightful to me. I could just be me--Eating, drinking, and being merry--and then, eating some more, and some more, and...wow, "Sean sure loves those cookies!" Yes, yes I do...and eating a half dozen at a time wasn't anything to hide on this day, because it's what we do. We're celebrating. Pass the pie, please.

I lived for days like this. Pecan pie with whipped cream for breakfast, why not? And the snacks, oh my goodness, the snacks were everywhere! And let's go get more! Can someone say "Cheese ball!!!" Say it with me, "cheeeeeese ball!!!" The port wine or sharp...just get both, and an extra just in case. Give me a sleeve of crackers, a knife, and a cheese ball and watch me delicately spread the joy all over the Ritz...This was living. Egg nog!!! Did we forget the egg nog?? I don't want to hear how insanely ridiculous the calorie count of egg nog is--I can taste every glorious calorie in this thick holiday concoction--ooh, and nutmeg...wow, that's amazingly delicious.

It was normal for me to fantasize about what and how much I would consume. I was planning. My day was: Eat, eat, nap, eat, eat, eat, watch TV, nap, eat some more and pile it high...and hey, who wants this last piece of pecan pie? Too late, it's on my plate now.

I was loaded with holiday cheer, sporting a big smile as I would dollop a giant mound of Cool Whip on my third piece. Okay, my fourth...but seriously, who's counting today? You know what I want? Gravy!!!! Give me a bowl of potatoes and gravy, I'll sip it like a fine wine---wow, love it!!!

In the blur of my accepted, "normal" holiday feasting...I rarely noticed or cared about anything else. Visiting with family and friends...sure, as long as it includes more food! Hey...Uh, You think mom has some more of her prescription Zantac? I hope so! We should pass it around the table--better, let's put out a little Zantac bowl next to the stuffing. Hey--we don't want to feel any pain today--Thank you Zantac 150, we love you!

On the eve of my fourth Christmas after choosing change, I have to ask...What's changed?

What hasn't? I guess I should be more specific.

Q: Will I still enjoy my favorite holiday foods?
A: Yes. But I will, in reasonable portions at appropriate times.

Q: Will I pay more attention to the people or my plate?
A: The people I love. The food on my plate will be good and enough. But I can never get enough of the people I love and cherish. I want to know how they feel, what they're doing these days, what excites them, what troubles them---how do they feel about the changes in their life. These are the important conversations, far greater than, "Who wants to do Redi-Whip shots??" And "Anyone gonna take the leftover gravy? because seriously, that's some heavenly gravy don't ya think? Heck yeah it is...wow, and on those homemade mashed..."

Q: Will I exercise?
A: You know, it's funny. Had you asked that question five years ago or prior, you would have received a puzzled look followed by laughter, followed by a joke or two about how..."the only exercise I'm getting is from walking back and forth to the buffet line!" Now--It's a crucial element of a day like Christmas. A walk. A very simple walk. Something, anything will help aid digestion and make me feel incredible...and if I can recruit other family members to join me---well, that's awesome!!! This Christmas--The Anderson Family Holiday 5K at Boomer Lake in Stillwater is on!!! I wouldn't dream of missing it. Like a tradition---eating, napping, football, and a 5K...

So what's changed?

The focus. The perspective has shifted to the most important joys of the season. I'll still enjoy the tastes I love in a reasonable and portioned way--But above all else, I'll enjoy the people I love in a most wonderful and joyful way. Wow...I can't believe I was missing the most joyful part of past holidays. I didn't know what I was missing, I guess. Family, friends, love, and laughter...Yeah, I'll take three extra helpings, please.

Merry Christmas and,
Good Choices,
Sean

I recently released a couple of videos from the Sikeston, Missouri YMCA speaking event---If you didn't have a chance to watch them on my facebook page--here they are:

My book "Transformation Road" will start shipping on the 30th! I'm thrilled to finally have the book in hand. Well--I'll actually experience that on Wednesday the 28th--having it physically in my hand. I might need tissues...It's been a long time coming, my friend.

Signed first edition copies are available from me directly on my site:
www.transformationroad.com

My first big book signing is scheduled for December 30th from 4-8pm at Brace Books and More in Ponca City, Oklahoma! Very cool!!!

If you haven't sent me a friend request on facebook yet--please do! We have lively discussions nearly everyday concerning various dynamics along this road many of us travel. You can find me here: www.facebook.com/seananderson505

And the special facebook page exclusively for the book is: www.facebook.com/transformationroad

By the way---I just went "live" on Amazon.com!! Yes--very cool---I think I'm officially an author now---because my book is setting in the top 100,000!! Nice start, very nice!
http://www.amazon.com/dp/193782912X/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_FlY8ob1PFVQ5V

Amazon has it listed as "in stock," so theoretically, you might be able to hold it in your hands before I get the chance.

Day 1,183 The Truest of My Goals Revealed in Less Than 1.8 Million Minutes

2011-12-11T05:05:00.000-08:00

Day 1,183

The Truest of My Goals Revealed in Less Than 1.8 Million Minutes

The question comes in varied forms and often: "What was the catalyst for your change?"

A very good argument could be made that this catalyst wasn't actually one event in time, but the culmination of thousands built over thirty-six years and held together by time and fear of what it meant to really, honestly, for once--truly change in a dramatic transformation. But to answer more directly, I offer the following.

I'm only able to identify the date and time of this, because its occurrence marks the only time in my life where everything was still. In that moment, I died and was reborn, if you will.
The "moment" is sandwiched between two very different versions of me. There's an entire life of food addiction/compulsive/emotional eating and resulting morbid obesity before it and a profoundly changed existence after.

Here's the moment, in an excerpt from "Transformation Road-My Trip to Over 500 Pounds and Back," scheduled for release right before Christmas:

“I'm done.” Two simple little words. That's what she said. I didn't know what she meant, I thought she was just exhausted from the day, ready for bed. I had no idea of what was about to come from her lips.

“I'm done watching you kill yourself. I love you, I do, but I can't stand by and witness your slow suicide any longer, I want a divorce.” Her words were filled with several different emotions. Anger, love, hopelessness, fear, desperation, and she was serious, I could see it in her eyes. Never before do I remember seeing such a look from her. This was serious and it didn't matter that we were a guest in someone's home that night.

I immediately tried to make her feel bad about what she was saying. “So, we get one off to college and you can't hold it together long enough for us to get the other one out of high school? How could you do this to Courtney? Can't we talk about this later, why now, why here?” And as she collapsed on the bed, crying, I knew that she had reached her limit. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing. It was like she had no control over this release of emotion. Maybe it was her last ditch effort to snap me back into reality. Maybe she loved me enough to walk away, thinking that it might spark the changes I needed to save my own life.

It didn't take me long to realize that I was wrong in what I was saying and doing in that moment. This wasn't her fault, she couldn't help it, she had reached her emotional capacity. That's when I started to negotiate with her, begging for one more chance to turn it all around. She had heard it all before, why should she believe me now? But just as I had never witnessed that look in her eyes, she must have noticed the same difference in my frantic proposal. Because she was listening to me. This was my chance to promise her one last time. I owed it to her, my daughters, and I really owed it to myself to make a change once and for all. This was it.

I asked for a day to get my plan together and figure out how I was going to make this happen, and on Monday September 15th, 2008—I would start. “This time is going to be very different,” I pleaded. “It's got to be, buddy, it's got to be.” And with those words from her, we embraced and cried, cleansing our emotions and sending us to sleep with a relief, different for each of us. Her rest was made better because she released all of the emotions that had been building for so long and I rested because I dodged a bullet that night. But now, the real challenge would start and I didn't have any room for failure. I had to get it right. Sunday the fourteenth was spent contemplating how I was going to make this time different from every other weight loss attempt. My family depended on it, and so did my life, but obviously I was more scared of losing my family than I was my life. I know that doesn't really make sense, but it does when you really think about the mental dynamics.

Dying young was something tragic that happened to other people. I was a survivor, remember? Every time my obesity would make me fear for my life, I would cling to something that would make me feel better about it all. Oh, so it's not a heart attack, just indigestion? Or, it's out of control blood pressure, but that can be treated, right? I always found the outs, I always found the thoughts or the solutions that would let me off the hook and make me feel better about my inaction in confronting the real issues. My weight was killing me and now it was killing my family. And there wasn't anything I could do or say that would make it all better, unless it was exactly what I needed, and that meant getting to the bottom of my issues with food and once and for all, losing the weight.

Waking up on Monday September 15th, 2008, was very different. This was my day 1. As I laid there staring up at the ceiling, I thought about how this was the day. It was very different, because many times I would start by completely forgetting that I had planned to “start.” It was typical for me to realize what I was supposed to do, only after the sugar of my morning Coke hit my tongue. Another false start, because I would have already “ruined” the attempt. Oh well, maybe next time, bring on the fried cinnamon roll! Not this time. It was so powerful, on the top of my brain, it was an all consuming thought as soon as my eyes opened that morning.

I honestly felt like this was my last chance. The changes that would come if I failed were too horrible. I would lose my family as I knew it and die young. I had to grab control and choose the change. I had to keep it together and be consistent like never before. But how? How would this time be different? I honestly didn't know the answer, but I decided that it would work itself out along the way. I knew that I had to constantly remind myself to stay on track and if I could successfully keep myself from blowing it, then maybe I could finally break free. The focus wasn't on the food, it was squarely on the mental dynamics, I was walking a tight rope, where it didn't matter how I stayed balanced—as long as I didn't fall. It was the beginning of, what I would later realize and appropriately name, my “Steel Curtain Zone.”
------------------

Many things have come to pass since my last blog post. I've celebrated my three year anniversary of Day 1, my one year anniversary of maintaining my weight loss, I turned forty years young on October 23rd, enjoyed my fourth Thanksgiving holiday since choosing change, and have brought the dream of my first book to the brink of release, where a new chapter surely starts.

All of these things, each and every one, would have once earned a spot within their very own blog posting. The daily writing for over twenty-two months was exhausting at times, but in the most wonderful way possible. I was learning, from Day 1, things about myself I never before considered because I wasn't willing to step outside of my self-imposed chaos long enough to appreciate or in any way understand what was ultimately happening. And what was happening was tragic: I was slowly fading away--headed to an early death, oblivious to the power within and completely void of the tiniest shred of self-responsibility and honesty.

This self-imposed chaos isn't always a thing of the past and with that said, it's understood how easy it can be to become occupied with many things, some very important, and others not as much. But regardless of their importance level, none of these "occupants of my energy" have had even a handful of the power this little old blog has gifted me.

If you haven't, I encourage you to read the blog archives from Day 1--every day, like a super long book of sorts. In doing so, you'll have a unique perspective into my thoughts, emotions, fundamentals, and the crucial mental dynamics along the way, as they were discovered--day by day, hour by hour, and often--minute by minute. My hope is, you may find similarities in our unique, yet surprisingly similar existence. And in seeing yourself, you might discover a shift in your perspective.

This "shift in perspective" is crucial to each of us finding our own "click." Because as I've learned--the moment of clarity, the "click," must come from deep within each of us. It can't be given to us by anyone or anything, and for me, every time I foolishly thought it could exist outside of myself--I was systematically slammed back to reality--over and over, time and time again, like a violently possessed yo-yo with really sharp spikes.

It wasn't enough to just take me up and down in an endless insane emotional game, it occasionally would poke me in painful fashion. Instead of it getting my attention, I would just hold it further out from my body--keeping a safe distance between me and the truth dripping all over the floor.

One million, seven hundred and two thousand, and eighty minutes have passed since I opened my eyes on the morning of September 15th, 2008.

I will proceed with loving devotion to my dear blog and I certainly appreciate your incredible support along the way. In fact, if you're a regular reader of these writings, you're rightfully appreciated and acknowledged in the opening pages of my book, "Transformation Road." Your support has been nothing less than a precious gift and I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my much healthier heart.

--Sean A. Anderson
-------

"What are your goals?" A simple question, to be sure, but the answer given isn't always accurate.

"I want to fit into normal size clothes--wear a size 36 or smaller jeans, wear a single XL instead of a 6 or 7XL."

"I just want my health to improve, yeah--that's it, my goal is better health."

"I want to show up at the reunion and stun everyone in the room!"

"I want to lose enough to look good in a bathing suit this coming summer."

"I want to fit into and be able to buy a small economy car."

"I want to run and play with my kids/grand kids."

"I want to lose XXX pounds."

"I want to set a better example for my children, family, and friends."

"I just want to love what I see in the mirror, once and for all, finally."

"I want to be considered cute, instead of hideous--not by others, (I have no control over what others think of me or how they see me--and it is of no consequence, nor should it ever be)--but considered cute, not hideously beast-like...by me."

And every single one of these are valid and wonderful goals. But oh my--I had no idea of the power time and perspective would/could have on my truest goals. Not the goals I stated in the beginning, but the ones having developed slowly, gradually over time---right along with the rest of this transformation of mind, body, and soul. A gradual evolution of good choices. That's it, yeah--that's what I'm talking about.

My truest goals are revealed by the awesome experience and wisdom of time:

"My goal is to improve my relationship skills with all people--including and most importantly, me."

Our whole lives are built on relationships along the road of life. And often, when these relationships aren't perfect, the resulting detours end up teaching us about life as we develop good and bad habits, dependencies, and shelters from it all along the way. (and lets face it--relationships rarely are perfect, or expected to be--and shouldn't be, honestly. But there's a difference between perfect and healthy, and healthy is just fine, desired actually, in my opinion.)

"My goal is to redefine my behaviors with all food one choice at a time."

For me, understanding food wasn't the enemy after all, was a life changing epiphany. Food's only job is to nourish my body, giving me nutrients I need to live. I can still appreciate food, love food, cook food, dine out on food, bring food to an occasion, and pull up a chair to a holiday table full of traditional favorites spread across an entire room---and still exhibit reasonable and sane behaviors. I can eat a portion and appreciate the experience and the nourishment.

What I could no longer do is use and abuse food. I could no longer try to make food do something it was never supposed to do. Food wasn't responsible for fixing me or anything broken inside of me. It couldn't do it if it tried--food wasn't/isn't capable of doing these highly complicated things--it already had the complicated task of providing nutrients to every cell in my body--a task it always makes look easy...and it does, because that's what food does, it's a natural thing for food to nourish us.

And on a lessor scale, but monumental still: Food wasn't an appropriate shelter from the issues I was trying to soothe, forget, or simply avoid.

Every failed weight loss attempt of my past had a common thread: It was simply a means to an end. A temporary diversion from who I was--just long enough to satisfy the first set of goals listed above. Ignoring my truest goals--the important acknowledgements crucial to change, meant--as soon as the temporary detour ended--I would return to the old familiar and foolishly trusted--"being me road." And since my goals along the detour were simply to change my size in a pursuit of shallow expectations and not my brain---and since what we think of ourselves is really is what we become--then, I was destined to naturally return to my previous level of obesity, even bigger--every. single. time.

You can squeeze a Nerf ball all you want, but toss it back onto the toy pile and you'll watch it quickly assume its natural shape.

"My goal is to share my experiences along the way in hopes of inspiring someone like me (Just kind of like me--Not Exactly like me--because we're all one of a kind) ...to do something courageous--Choose change before change chooses them."

It doesn't matter if you have ten pounds to lose or a hundred--twenty or forty, or three or four hundred. It's all relative--Unique to you and your experiences--and the road out cannot be exactly the same for any two people, because of our unique affected life experience. But we all can find common ground and similar truth in these experiences--and I believe it's where hope can be transferred from one person's success to another person's seemingly impossible dream. Because it is possible, for every single one of us.

"My goal is to become a best friend to me instead of a deadly enemy."

"I'm my own worst enemy." I said it so much in the past, I actually accepted it as rule. That's just the way it had to be--because it's human nature, of course!!! You can't change human nature!! Although there's some truth in that last statement--When the "human nature" excuses horrible choices and behaviors--relieving me from the responsibility of change, that's when it becomes nonsense.

Day 1 didn't find me contemplating this dynamic--it was too soon. My goals were stated but not defined completely. And that's okay, because, in my experience, the only way to define our truest goals is to add the element of time and perspective.

And for me--It was about time... time to change my perspective. Thank goodness.

Thank you for reading and your support along this road. Please friend me on facebook--because I'm there nearly everyday--and we have lively discussions about the topics explored in this blog and more. You can friend me on facebook here: www.facebook.com/seananderson505

And please--Visit and "like" my facebook page for the book. If you need--you could wait until you read the book before you give me the gift of your "like." The page dedicated to the book is: www.facebook.com/transformationroad

Also--On my website www.transformationroad.com You can pre-order a first edition signed copy of "Transformation Road-My Trip to Over 500 Pounds and Back," and I'll personally ship it your way upon release!

Good Choices,
Sean

The cover for the book has a bunch of cool symbolism, some obvious, some not so much. Christina Rich-Splawn is an amazing graphic artist!!

Some pictures from the recent Sikeston, MO speaking event:

At a recent speaking even in Sikeston, MO

This headline certainly attracted some attention. The story is correct--just the headline has it off by a couple hundred pounds. ;)

Back cover author photo credit: Darryl Cox

Posing with a promotional piece of the book cover.

Pink Heals Tour came to town---and the emotional power of it all, was just incredible. If you ever have a chance to see and experience Pink Heals, please do.

My facebook status update reflected my thoughts on this before the evening started:

"Too many times, I allowed my morbid obesity to hold me back, imprisoning me into an existence where certain things couldn't be enjoyed, simply because I foolishly decided these things were not for people “like me.” I never made it to the prom, or a formal of any kind, ever. Tonight, that changes. Suddenly experiencing the richness of life and all of its precious gifts, because now I can see: I was worth it all along, but I didn't believe it until now. Putting on a tuxedo and headed to The Winter Ball at the Marland Mansion. Pinch me, wow, what a dream." The beautiful woman pictured is my date, Ms. Kelly Rains.

Day 1033-1070 Still The Same...Almost and That's OK

2011-08-24T20:00:00.000-07:00

Day 1033-1070

Still The Same...Almost and That's OK

I'm constantly recognizing and positively identifying signs of these changes I've made. The pants, size 36, still fit--and at times, especially with increased workouts, are noticeably loose. My behaviors with food haven't been extreme in almost three years, since the start of this blog on September 15th, 2008. I'm mindful of calories and portions in a very intuitive way, something I once thought impossible, has become nearly second nature. I rarely eat fast food anymore, when before, especially the first several months, this could have been called the "amazing fast food diet." When I dine out, I always share and I always navigate the menu with an eye for great calorie values. If not sharing at a restaurant, I often order kid or senior portions.

These changes, they don't stop there. No, not at all. When I race up a flight of stairs, I'm always thinking about the past struggles of weighing over five hundred pounds and how good it feels to be free. The other day I realized something huge: In the last couple of years, the only times I've ever become winded, was during a workout. Running up a flight of stairs doesn't do it. Jogging through a downpour into a store doesn't even challenge.

While I'm packing my "man-purse" or, as I like to call it, my "European Shoulder Bag," with fresh fruits and veggies, yogurt, cheese, and other healthy snacks, I'm reminded again...This isn't like I once behaved.

I guess it's a comfort I find, in pausing for just a second to notice every difference between me, now and then. It's like I constantly need reassured I'm a free man.

And then something happens, circumstances, stress--let's call it what it is, life---and if it's stressful enough, I find myself face to face with the negative reactions that kept me over five hundred pounds for nearly two decades.

I thought I was free. I thought I was immune. I thought I would never again feel like foolishly running for comfort and shelter inside a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos or a half gallon of ice cream. I no longer run for comfort, I run for exercise....so, why do these emotions occasionally try to disprove that statement?

First, let me tell you about last Monday.

Without revealing intimate details of my personal and business relations--let's just say, I felt like everything was falling apart. I was filled with fear (both real and imagined), stress, and uncertainty. The possibility of missing yet another deadline intensified all of the above. So what did I do?

First--I drove to Braum's Ice Cream and Diary Store and ordered a junior kid sized low-fat frozen yogurt on a cake style cone (despite the name "cake," it's actually the lowest calorie option) This little eighty-nine cent treat was the start of something. Only about 130-150 calories, it was, but...regardless of the calorie value, I was comforting myself with food.

Ok, OK---maybe a little is normal...Normal, until I arrived home and immediately opened the fridge door like I had done a million times in my former existence, just looking for something more. Cottage cheese--yeah, there it is...I can't trust myself around this stuff and that's why I don't normally keep it around, but I'm in control, right? I can have a carton in the fridge and not abuse it, can't I? My daughters love it too, and so does Karen, the wonderful woman I'm dating. But as I plunged the spoon directly into the carton and up to my mouth, without the detour or portion control of a small bowl, I had a terrifying emotion.

Like--"here we go, hmmmm, I was just wondering when it would all come crashing down." I was abusing myself with thoughts of self-destruction--and possibly gorging myself silly on something, anything. What else is there? Bananas, mushrooms, apples, yogurt, eggs, chicken breast---Where's the junk???? Who is this guy anyway??? Geez--is it too much to ask for a little ice cream up in here? Or how about some frozen pizzas or burritos?

It was like an invasion of my mind and body by the Sean I left behind. Just then, I had a realization, a few actually. I'm not perfect and I never will be. I'm changed, deeply changed, but I should never underestimate the power of addiction. I must stop thinking that "Old Sean" is dead and gone, because he still lives within me, he's still capable of assuming control, should I allow my defenses down, even a little. I'm very human. And even through this gradual evolution of good choices, the incredible network of support from people near and far, and a system of accountability and example I take pride in everyday---even with all things considered---I was still on the brink of a meltdown. And it's OK.

It's OK, because something different happens now, when I'm standing on the edge. This difference was present early on this journey too---and it is this:

The honesty and willingness to recognize the dynamic in play...look over the edge, and take a few steps back, evaluating the circumstances, choices, and consequences of my decisions...and making the right choice to deal directly and decisively with the issues pressing.

Now--here's the kicker---In dealing "directly and decisively" with issues, instead of running to food for comfort and shelter, I run the risk of not handling myself in the best fashion, while dealing with others. As someone who's always avoided dealing with tough emotions directly, until I didn't have a choice, at least---it's just new to me...so...I guess I'm learning even more, about dealing with life in a normal healthy way--much like I'm learning more and more about this wonderful new friend I have in food, and the relationship we're developing...a normal, healthy relationship.

This blog has always been about educating me, all about me...the real me, in search of the new information, the epiphanies, the lessons I had to learn the hard way in my quest for freedom. And the education never stops. I'll always learn and grow. And that's OK. That's normal and healthy.

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If you haven't sent me a friend request on facebook, I hope you will. It's really become an outlet for me to communicate and gain perspective on a variety of "micro-blog" topics. Yeah, some call them status updates, I call them "micro-blogs." I hereby invite you to the regular discussions! You can find my facebook page by clicking here.

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I love getting emails from wonderful people who have started reading my blog pages from Day 1...Your support helps me more than you'll ever know. Going to the mailbag--I found a wonderful email like this just the other day...

J writes:

Sean,

I recently jumped back on the healthy eating bandwagon and discovered your blog when someone posted somewhere that they started from day 1 and read all the way through. I read day 1 and I thought they were crazy. No way was I going to read 600+ posts. Next thing you know, I'm through day 12.

Currently, I'm caught up through day 200 and I can't wait to read how this story ends! (Actually, I know how it ends as I couldn't help but notice the titles of the more recent posts.) Glad to see you discovered strength training exercises...and protein...and nutritional aspects of foods from your allotted calories... Was a little worried about the lack of these through the first 150ish days.

And it isn't even like I can relate to your story. Oh, I mean, I can empathize, but only somewhat. I'm one of those "high metabolism" guys you used to "hate"...or more accurately, I used to be. Now I guess I'm more of a "normal metabolism" guy. In the past couple of years, my waist to inseam length ratio has crossed into the forbidden ">1 zone", but still, not exactly a problem I'm going to whine about (too much). (If only I could figure out how to persuade my wife to read your story...but I know, I know, you can't drag people to that place where they need to be to start their own journeys.)

Anyhow, the point of my rambling email is to say, way to go. I'm really enjoying the read through so far...(despite an occasional cringe from a misused affect/effect =P )...and I definitely will be ordering your book as soon as it's available.

Back to work...and then back to reading...I'm just a few posts away from another weigh-in day...(and I predict this one will far surpass the previous two of "only" six pounds each)...

--J

Thank you "J" and thank goodness for editors!!! The great thing--you have the power to have an amazing impact on the ones around you--and I bet, with your enthusiasm for change, you'll be seeing some wonderful participation and change in others! I'm not sure I would be as disciplined. I would probably skip ahead. Of course, those of us who know--know that you're in for some surprises along the way. Some good, some not so good...Thank you again for your support and happy reading--and transforming!!!

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The book is very different from the blog and I must say, I feel so blessed to be receiving such wonderful reviews and endorsements. A friend of mine suggested I might be a little insecure--and perhaps I need the constant reassurance the reviews give me. Huh...probably true. I mean, really---I have a huge insecure side of me--but I also have an equally confident side. It's like a tug of war...

I also realize how important it is to share early reviews in an effort to generate interest. And speaking of---it will not be long before pre-ordering starts!!

Jean Brace is a bookstore owner and longtime sponsor of my morning radio show. It's absolutely fitting to have the very first book release signing in her store. I'm looking forward to that day--and Jean will be a good one to ask about the book, because she's already read the entire thing....You knew this was coming---I'm so predictable sometimes:

"Reading Sean's story has given me a window on the day-to-day realities of a life ruled by food. I admire the courage he shows by revealing intimate details of his life, not sparing himself, not blaming others, and respecting the dignity of others. With the creation of his simple yet profound "Calorie Bank and Trust" concept, Sean provided himself a means to accomplish genuine, sustainable weight loss when all his previous attempts had failed. I am eager to introduce my customers to the inspiring story of this man of extraordinary insight, determination and compassion."---Jean Brace, Brace Books & More

Dr. Marty Lerner PhD is a World renowned authority on eating disorders and addiction recovery. His endorsement means so much to me:

“Transformation Road” takes the reader on the long and often tragic journey of Sean Anderson’s battle with food and morbid obesity spanning just about his entire life. His experience with declaring war with himself graphically depicts the tortured soul of most of us who face an addictive and pathological relationship with food. Having won many a battle but inevitably losing his war, Sean offers us some insight as to who the real enemy has been.

To be sure, compulsive eating, binge eating, and the many “flavors” of related forms of food addiction and eating disorders [e.g. bulimia, anorexia] do not all lend themselves to a “one size fits all” solution. However, there does seem to be a common thread among those, like Sean, who find their way to recovery- namely rigorous self-honesty, an open mind, and, as Sean would remind us, an “iron-clad” willingness to change.

“Transformation Road” takes the reader away from the typical weight loss fixes and asks the reader to consider the nature of emotional eating and the “symptom” of obesity. The author reveals his “moment of clarity” and the resultant decision to declare a truce with his war with food. What follows is Sean’s recipe for food addiction recovery. Although incorporating some suggestions that run contrary to some recovered food addicts, Sean’s experiences are worth learning about and considering.

As someone who has worked with patients suffering with all forms of eating disorders for more than three decades, I think Sean’s book is a must read for anyone touched by the effects of food addiction and obesity. More important than his weight loss is his ability to testify to the basic tenets of recovery from any addiction- namely honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. In some recovery circles this is known by an acronym H.O.W.

Marty Lerner, PhD.
CEO, Milestones In Recovery
Eating Disorders Program

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A couple of my fellow weight loss blogging buddies have recently contributed their reviews too...
Including the one and only Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit: click for Jack's review.

And the incredible Anti-Jared, Tony Posnanski: click for Tony's review.

Basically---Instead of releasing the book, it'll just be personally distributed to each person, one by one---and we'll just read their reviews here. I'm kidding! Actually--that's it for reviews, I believe--until it's released, of course---then I hope you'll review it for your friends and family too!

By the way---I plan on starting something I've talked about over the last couple of years--and I'm just now getting around to actually committing to it in a big way. A C25K program!! Jack has done it---and so have many others around these parts---

Well, here's the deal---There are two 5k runs coming up in October--and I would really enjoy NOT coming in last. I've participated in several "runs," but honestly---I mostly walk fast/jog---and then walk fast some more, followed by more walking. I must keep you updated on the progress!! I will, right here! Have you done a C25K program? How was the experience?

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Gerri Helms, Author of "Trust God and Buy Broccoli" introduced me to Peter Murphy of WMEL AM 1300 in Florida. Peter invited me on his show as a special guest--and the above player is the entire 42 minute extended interview. Thank you Gerri and Peter!!!

Photo Credit: Kelli Anderson--Kellidee Photography Mom and me.

Celebrating Courtney's 18th Birthday!

With Amber and Courtney. I can't believe both of my daughters are in college!!!! I'm so proud of them, in so many ways. They're the greatest!

My recent grocery shopping basket. A gradual evolution of good choices, indeed.

Big Before picture of me and the girls

Day 970-1032 Day To Day is Different, Micro-Blogging on Facebook, and Reviews Are In!!!

2011-07-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

Day 970-1032

Day To Day Is Different, Micro-Blogging on Facebook, and Reviews Are In!!!

Every now and then I flashback to how it once was for me. The food addiction, the compulsive/emotional eating binges---and the thoughts and dynamics I allowed. It's just a distant, somewhat foreign thought process now, yet extremely familiar. It's always out there, reminding me, keeping me grounded, making sure I never forget from where I came and serving as a constant reminder of dynamics and choices that kept me there for so many years.

My day to day life is very different in regard to my behaviors with food and exercise. I never skip breakfast and I'm naturally aware of calorie values of everything I consume. My choices reflect the last three years of being "calorie aware." This training, so to speak, has become a very natural guardian of my weight loss.

Is it always a breeze? NO! Do I still have moments of weakness, where the best choice isn't made--OF Course. I've never been perfect and I'll never be. I'm not an expert on anything, except me--I am an expert on Sean, absolutely. Just as you're an expert on you.

My exercise routine these days is challenging and at the end of the day, rewarding. I attend spinning class for one hour on Monday's and for forty-five minutes on Wednesday's. I attend a bootcamp workout on Tuesday and Thursday's. The weekend finds me occasionally walking in the park or doing the weight machines at the YMCA.

Many of my blogging friends have expressed concern over my lack of posting---and have even called me on my own words from the last two post, where I proclaim: "I'm going to write this blog more often!" Thank you, my friends---and yes--My intention is to return to a more normal posting schedule sooner rather than later.

I've finally finished the manuscript for my book. It's done, finally!! "Transformation Road--My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back" will be released in the fall. I'll post some early reviews below, plus an excerpt of the foreword by Ralph Marston. I'm so excited that Ralph has written the foreword. If you know this blog---and how much I admire the writings of Mr. Marston, you can imagine my excitement over his contribution.

As I've taken a break from writing the blog--I'm comforted by the whole--and not the latest post. The twenty-two months straight of daily writing was an almost insane commitment--but it has proven to be worth every hour invested. I may not have realized what I was doing at the time---but as the blog proceeded and the weight dropped, I was learning all kinds of invaluable information about me. I hope you're friends with me on Facebook---and if not, I hope you'll add me.

I don't have a "fan page" you can "like." I just maintain a personal facebook account---and I welcome you to become my friend. Just as I've slowed my contributions to this blog, I've increased my activity on facebook. Let's call it, "Micro-Blogging." Not every post on facebook is a micro-blog---sometimes it's just a "good morning---and this is what I'm enjoying for breakfast"--type status update. But other times---a very nice dialogue develops on my facebook wall---where we discuss all elements of weight loss and transformation.

Here's a sampling of recent micro-blog post on my facebook page:

"My transformation has taught me about truth. It can hurt to accept because it threatens our comfort zone, everything we believe about ourselves, but as the truth reveals the sometimes painful pitfalls of our past, it shines on the road ahead—giving us clarity in its embrace. Truth is the instruction manual for the tools we already own and have always possessed. Truth is the key to freedom."

"When you start adding up all of the incredible benefits of weight loss success, you began to realize something vitally important: The physical transformation is one of the least. The transformation inside touches every fiber of who you are and what you do, say, and feel. That's real, my friend."

"Managing calories like cash shifts the focus to where it must be the strongest. Our energy to stay consistently within budget, naturally promotes better choices, or "investment decisions.""

"An "Iron-Clad" decision is non-negotiable. The commitment and consistency needed for success is protected by our "Steel Curtain Zone." Iron and steel, nearly impossible to break. Mindset...it's everything."

"Time keeps on moving regardless of what we do. A year from now, you could look back on the biggest transformation of your life and realize, you no longer have "calendar regret." Because this time will be different in every way. This time, is THE time. Grab it, own it, and decide to be ahead of your time."

"Emotional eating was a major contributor to my morbid obesity. A vicious cycle was born, when seeking comfort in food resulted in more weight, and more weight created the need for more comfort. Breaking the bondage of this dynamic meant facing issues instead of running for shelter under the umbrella of all things tasty and good."

"Food, unlike most other addictions, can be enjoyed in normal-healthy portions. For me, an occasional treat is imperative, but a binge is unacceptable. Exercise can physically repair the damage of excess, but psychologically, the damage is often overwhelming, as it discounts our pursuit, suggesting our life changing choices are temporary at best. And “temporary” isn't good enough for us."

"If Day 1 is one of the hardest, then why did I make so many “Day 1's?” Getting Day 1 behind—and moving consistently forward to Day 21, 60, 100, and 365 is the goal. It becomes easier, the results thrill and naturally propel you to new levels of motivation, inspiration, and excitement. You're really doing it this time, like no other."

"“Someday” can't be found on a calendar. When we release the excuses and rationalizations keeping us where we are, we immediately start making “someday,” today. “I'm doing it” and “I did it” feels a million times better than “I will...someday.”"

"The Yo-Yo goes down, then up...down again, then up. The Yo-Yo is under our control and direction. When we sharpen the tools of self-honesty, responsibility, and consistency—and we diligently protect the integrity of our journey from emotional and circumstantial influences, we're finally able to break free and...cut the string."

"I was shopping Brace Books over the weekend, when they informed me someone had already reserved a copy of "Transformation Road." Without a set release date or price--didn't matter, they wanted a copy reserved! That's cool...very."

You'll find some interesting and powerfully insightful reader comments on some of the above "micro-blogs," and all can be found on my facebook page.

I've learned so much from so many wonderful people---and I'll never stop learning. This mutually benefiting relationship with family, friends, blog readers, other weight loss bloggers, and many people whom I've never met face to face---has been one of the most unexpected blessings of the past three years.

The early reviews for "Transformation Road" have been flowing in from those that have read the raw unedited manuscript. I'm excited to share some here:

Dave May has acted as an invaluable consultant in the final stages of putting the manuscript together. Before any changes were made, Dave read the entire book and offered the following:

"Don't think of this as a weight loss book. This book is for anyone who has ever battled themselves, in other words, it's for all of us. I believe we are all born broken and the only thing separating us is the individual routes we take away from, or toward wholeness. Sean's journey is laid out for you here with all of it's twists, turns, false starts, dead ends, and breakthroughs. Although the paths you and I travel may be different, I am certain that you, like me, will recognize many of the stops and ultimately gain insight into yourself through Sean's journey. I enthusiastically recommend this book, not for Sean's miraculous outer changes, but for his ability to take you on the inside, where real transformation must always happen."

Dave May
Director Poncan Theatre
"Mayday In The Morning"-KLOR Radio

Dr. Amy Cox also reviewed the book---and before she officially finished the review, she sent me a wonderful email: "I started reading the manuscript this morning...I hoped to get it read by the weekend. I just finished - I literally couldn't stop! It is AWESOME!"

This was followed by an awesome review:

"Sean Anderson provides a strong dose of hope in recounting his captivating journey to self-acceptance and health. His road to transformation was not easy, but few things in life are that are worth it. Sean reminds us that your biggest bully is often yourself and that you can change your “mix tape in your head” by becoming your own “captain”. This book demonstrates that the only thing that can make us feel good about ourselves is to realize our own self-worth, and to finally love ourselves. I constantly see patients struggling to make the mental shift required to commit to change and make good choices for their health. Whether you are struggling with weight loss, addiction, and self-acceptance or whether you are just looking to be inspired to finally commit to change and making good choices – this is the book for you."

Yours In Health,
Amy Cox, DC
The Ranch Chiropractic Wellness Center

Mary Anne Waymire offered her review:

"The Book is wonderful … I felt like I knew you after reading the book (even if I had never met you). The expression of your various feelings and the tug overweight people (like myself) have was awesome. I was a very skinny child and did not start having my weight problems until I was an adult. Children can be awfully mean spirited and I certainly hope I never was that way to anyone. You are a wonderful person, shining example of downright decency in a human being and just all around great guy! I predict this book will be an inspiration to many people as it is to me."

Mary Anne Waymire

And Gerri Helms---Author and Life Coach offered this very nice paragraph:

"With Transformation Road, Sean Anderson delivers a riveting story of a man who faced death and won. Amazingly, this isn't your typical murder mystery - it's Sean's true battle against a lethal killer - morbid obesity. For the millions who have lost faith in ever beating their own war with food, Transformation Road offers hope and inspiration."

Gerri Helms, MCC, CSC
Author, Trust God and Buy Broccoli, a Spiritual Approach to Weight Loss
www.lifecoachgerri.com

Sending the raw manuscript to some of my writing heroes was tough. What if they didn't like it? I mean, really--seriously---if they don't, then OK---it would be a very tough thing to accept. I was so relieved when Ralph Marston finished the manuscript and replied with this wonderful message:

"I loved the book! It's an amazing story that's very well told."

That's a relief--because I had asked Ralph to write the foreword--and he did, brilliantly!!! Below is a small excerpt of his foreword:

"...Sean’s life up to this point has been an amazing journey, and he has now created an even brighter future for himself by virtue of the choices he has made. In recounting this story, he very generously and openly acknowledges a long list of shortcomings and insecurities, some of them quite intimate. That makes it all the more powerful and inspiring. After all, we each have worries, doubts and vulnerabilities that we often try to hide even from ourselves. And just as with most political scandals, the cover-up does more damage than the underlying issue. It’s wonderfully refreshing and inspiring to see what can happen when someone steps away from the excuses, lets go of the rationalizations, stops choosing to be a victim, and makes the commitment to make a positive difference.

Truth is powerful. The more you seek to hide from it, the more forcefully it asserts itself, until you eventually cannot deny it. The moment you put truth on your side, all sorts of positive possibilities open up to you. That’s what Sean Anderson chose to do, and it’s a choice that has turned his life around in a dramatic and inspiring way."

Ralph Marston
The Daily Motivator
www.GreatDay.com

Ralph has a truly timeless way with words--speaking such recognizable truths...wow, I'm so thrilled and honored to have him provide the foreword!! Thank you Mr. Marston!

I'm moving forward with a confident spring in my step. I will contribute on a more regular basis to this blog---I know I've said it before, but seriously---You'll see.

I'm looking forward to the development of my website www.transformationroad.com It will be a destination featuring many others---not just me---but YOU. I look forward to featuring so many wonderful people who have transformed so wonderfully. I'm excited about providing audio/video content and so much more. It will be the home of many more things--not just the book!

I'm posting some photos from the last couple of months---plus, as I like to do--a couple of before pictures!!

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

A scary post-boot camp workout pic I look dangerously unstable in this one!!!

Smiling always makes it better!! Boot camp is BRUTAL!!! ;) But soooo Good!!!

On May 20th--My youngest, Courtney--graduated from Ponca City High School! I'm so proud of her!!! She'll be attending Oklahoma State in the fall--in a month!!! Oh my---that's quick!

With Courtney and Amber at the after-graduation party!

They're such wonderful sisters!!! They love each other so much!

My Aunt Kelli snapped this photo from across the arena at the graduation. It's a perspective I rarely get to see---and a wonderful reminder: I'm not the 500 pound man anymore.

With Courtney recently

At a birthday party/stand-up gig with singer Wade Tower. I was opening for Wade! I rarely do stand-up anymore---but this was a blast. It really was nice.

From the stage--performing stand-up.

A recent lunch. I have discovered many new foods I would have never given the time of day before---Squash and Zucchini--I love it!!! Who would have ever imagined??

Sometimes---Actually, most of the time, My calorie budget decisions are based on what I'm planning on later in the day or evening. This super-low cal breakfast checked in at 150--But I knew I was having a slightly bigger lunch not long after---and a dinner party in the evening. I adjust accordingly!

I cringe every time I see this picture.

With Courtney--a "before" for both of us! ;)

Big before. Wow...

Day 936-969 The Twilight Zone of Obesity and The Awakening

2011-05-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

Day 936-969

The Twilight Zone of Obesity and The Awakening

Thank you for the incredible patience that many of you have given me over the last few months. As I further prioritize my life and pursuits, I realize that this blog must be a part of my life, probably forever. Yeah, pretty sure, forever.

It has given me so much strength, power, insight, wisdom---all about the dynamics that I allowed to keep my over five hundred pounds for so long, and most importantly, the power to never go back to that existence. The choice was made on Day 1. This would be different than any other weight loss attempt in my past. It has been, in every way.

In my last post, I talked about making an effort to write this blog more often---and that is still the plan. For the next three days I'll be sequestered in a suburb of Tulsa finishing War and Peace. Ok--that was a joke. But you might think it'll be that long after the time I've allowed to get it finished. I will be officially finished with "Finding Transformation Road" on Thursday evening of this week. I have rolled right past every deadline to get this manuscript finished---and although I believe certain excuses are not excuses, rather, circumstances---I'm not a fan of delivering a long list of reasons why I haven't finished---But oh, what a glorious day it will be, to turn it over to the editors! Anyway---enough of that.

I had a scare with my mom last month. If you're a regular reader of this blog, then you must know how much I love my mother--and how she, for years, worried herself sick over my morbid obesity, and how I worry about her the same way, now. Mom was taken to the hospital with alarmingly high blood sugar, so high in fact, they immediately admitted her, so they could battle it back down. They stabilized mom and assured her that she wasn't "there" yet, instead---she had 90 days to lose weight and remove herself from the edge of needing daily insulin shots. They gave her counseling from a diabetic nurse and showed her exactly how to properly check her blood. They also sent in a clinical dietitian to assist mom with proper eating choices. I was in the room during her initial consultation with the dietitian---and I was trying so hard to remain quiet. I was showing respect--after all, she was obviously a college educated expert of sorts, so of course, everything she was saying was exactly what mom needed to do. She was explaining all of the proper foods and portions, and explaining the benefit of each---and suggesting ways to prepare certain things. And mom was nodding and agreeing, and when asked if she was understanding everything--mom replied "yes," And that's when I couldn't contain myself another second. But first---let me explain something.

Just because you have text book knowledge of proper nutrition and how the body responds to certain foods and portions, it doesn't give you immunity from morbid obesity. The proof of that statement, surrounded my mother. I'm not mentioning any names--I wouldn't do that--but my mom's doctor is morbidly obese, so was the clinical dietitian, so was the diabetic nurse, and so was 80% of the nursing staff on the floor where my mom was staying. Everyone involved in my mothers wake up call--was more than 100 pounds over weight--and a few, even more. I felt like we were in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

As the dietitian tried to explain to mom what she must do from now on--point by point, pausing to ask if she understood--and mom saying she did--I had to interject.

I'm not an expert at anything, other than being a 500 pound man. I'm pretty much an expert based on my experience, in that department. I know, that telling someone what they must do, or desperately need to do---and giving them portions, recipes, ideas, and a special menu plan---most of which is opposite the habits and lifestyle they're accustomed---can be overwhelming and very unnatural. If they stay with it to the letter--positive results will come. But will it be permanent? What good is a temporary suppression of our habits? To me--because I did it for years--It's like a trade off---I'll do exactly what they're telling me I need to do--while I suppress the issues and behaviors that have brought me to my present physical condition. That way is the biggest struggle---that way is hard---because it's unnatural. I've said it before---many times---Telling someone what they need to do or must do---is like calling a cleaning service to clean up the mess of a broken sewer line--but not fixing the sewer line.

I had to speak up---I could see it on mom's face--so much information, so much urgency--it was starting to overwhelm her...and I know---I was there many times. It gets scary--and confusing, and complicated. I couldn't keep my mouth shut another second.

Me: "Don't you think--that---if losing weight is the goal, and losing weight is what will save her from becoming an insulin dependent diabetic--that maybe she should keep it as simple as possible? Maybe do a set calorie budget and exercise everyday. She'll learn about portion control as she stays within the bounds of her budget. The weight will come off--and she'll realize that the battle doesn't have to be with the food, but it does have to be with ourselves---The mental battle to maintain the integrity of that calorie budget--That's where she should focus, don't you agree?"

Dietitian: "Well, I don't want her eating 1200 calories worth of sugar everyday."

Me: "She knows better than that! She doesn't do that now--it's portion control, she eats well--just too well, too often."

Mom: (to the dietitian) "He's lost a bunch of weight, over 275 pounds, and he's done it like this. He writes a blog all about it."

Dietitian: "Really? Wow, congratulations!"

Me: "Thank you, really, you understand what I'm trying to say...what I hear you telling her is not in tune with her natural lifestyle and behaviors. This lifestyle and these behaviors can change---gradually evolving over time, but in my experience---it doesn't change as soon as I'm handed a special diet. You see what I'm saying?"

Dietitian: "You're right--portion control and exercise is exactly what she needs, but she also needs to be aware of what to avoid."

Me: "Absolutely!"

It was a very pleasant and positive exchange. Later, after I left, the dietitian returned. This time, she was inquiring about my weight loss blog.

Mom is going to make it. She still struggles--and I know she doesn't mind me writing about her, because I have so much. It's all based in love and understanding. I love her dearly and I understand her struggles. I wish I could do it for her, or for my Aunt Kelli, or for other loved ones...but I can't. Each and every one of us must have our own Day 1, when it's just different than any other attempt before. We must all have our own unique awakening. And although the circumstances of that awaking might be different for each one of us--The mental clarity, the philosophies, the epiphanies that set us free, are nearly identical---across all addictions, not just food addiction.

Gayle Williams is a long time friend and co-worker--who has read every single day of this blog. She understands what drives me, she understands the thoughts, philosophies, and epiphanies that I hold very dear. So when she runs across a written word that she knows I'll appreciate, she points it out. The other day, she found the following. It's called "The Awakening." It's by "anonymous" or "author unknown," and if you know the author's name---please share it with me. It describes the awakening in such a wonderful way. I write about "Choosing change before change chooses you," and this is what I'm talking about. This is how---this time is different from any other weight loss attempt, ever. Enjoy this---I know I did!! Thank you for sharing this with me, Gayle!!

"The Awakening"

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out… ENOUGH! Enough fighting, crying, blaming, and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears, and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change. Or, for happiness, safety, and security to appear over the next horizon as if by magic.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you. And, in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are, and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you, or didn’t do for you. You learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean, or mean what they say. That not everyone will always be there for you, and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own. You learn to take care of yourself, and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers. You begin to accept people as they are. To overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process peace and contentment are born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing. You begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything. It’s not your job to save the world, and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are, not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, the importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty, so you take more time to rest. You learn that just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So, you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for. That wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into, and through your fears because you know that whatever may happen, you can handle it. You learn that to give in to fear is to give away your right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life. Not to squander it by living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair. You don’t always get what you think you deserve. That sometimes, bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. You learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you, and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong, and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected. If not, they will suffocate the life out of you. They will poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful, and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted. The things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself. You make yourself a promise to never betray yourself. To never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling. To keep trusting. To stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand. You take a deep breath. You begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Beautiful, isn't it? Gayle has worked with me for over a decade--she knew 500 pound Sean well, and now she knows me even better. She knew this would be right up my alley. Thank you again Gayle. And thank you again for hosting my radio show over the next three days while I finish the book. Don't laugh Gayle---seriously, it will be finished! ;)

It's time to visit the mailbag:

Rita writes:

"Sean I have read and enjoyed all of your blogs..I don't even need to lose much weight at 156 and 75 yeats of age but just love the way you inspire others. I come on now and then to see if you are still so handsome:-) You haven't mentioned your girl friend Hope that is Ok.
God Bless You & your girls and your Mom"

Rita, thank you, my friend!! Since you've read every single day--you know that I've learned some very hard lessons on keeping some things a little more private than others. Karen is a wonderful woman--and I have chosen to be very guarded about my relationship with her. But it is very good.

Chrissy added me on facebook, where I update nearly every day. She writes a very short facebook message here....and sometimes I get carried away with my reply, as you'll see.

Chrissy:

"You are doing so well. I am still envious!! I have all the power to "fire myself" up....just don't have the motivation to stay that way!! HOWEVER do you do it?!?"

My facebook reply:

"Fire up your "Steel Curtain Zone" and decide that this is of life or death importance!! ;) We must decide that nothing will derail our efforts. We must DECIDE that this time, it's different...this time--nothing---No person, place, thing, circumstance, or emotion will become an excuse or rationalization for failure. We will not allow the same patterns of our past to dictate and determine our future.
Chrissy--You can make this powerful decision---a decision that puts the choices and consequences squarely where they should be---on us.
It's the same if you have 20 pounds to lose or 200---it's a mental attitude that nearly ensures your success.

You have the power, my friend!!! I didn't think I did for over twenty years near, at, or above 500 pounds...But I did have it the entire time---it was just too easy to ignore---and gravitate to the line of least resistance.

It's so easy at that line....But it can be a very hopeless and depressing place to hang out. Rise above that line and realize that you're worth the effort. Make that "iron-clad decision" to succeed. And get ready---success like you've never known, awaits!!!

You're incredible, my friend---Thank you for the support!!!"

Anonymous writes:

"Sean, I began reading your blogs in September 2010 as I was beginning to get serious about losing weight. As of yesterday I am off Metforim-which I have been on for three years- for insulin resistance and down over 40lbs. Your blogs helped me get back on track when I fell. I would click on one and then read for while. Always found something that would inspire me. With your blogs and the encouragemnet of good friends, I know I keep my healthier lifestyle
going."

Thank you anonymous!!! I'm absolutely thrilled for you!!! Actually, this person is a facebook friend, who would rather be anonymous, and that's very cool.

Andrea writes:

"I just wanted to stop by this morning and tell you that you have been such an inspiration on my journey! I love reading your blog (I was turned on by a friend) and have used your lessons to guide my steps on this path! Since mid November I have lost over 50 lbs and I continue to work on those last 50 with the help of wonderful people like you! Thank you! God Bless and keep on moving forward!"

Andrea--wow!!! You absolutely rock, my friend!!! Thank you so very much!!

Lyn writes:

"Sean, having read thru your blog and looking at your photos here on facebook, I hope that you include in your book all the amazing meals that you have made or combined."

Lyn, a collaborative cookbook project is in the very beginning "talking" stages. It would be one that would include many other winning losers--not just me. Besides---I'm not sure I could fill a cook book on my own!!!! Could you imagine?-- "The Amazing Pita Pizza and Omelet Cookbook!" But I certainly appreciate your confidence!! Thank you!!

Betty writes:

"I am reading your blog and have found it to be extremely motivating! I'm getting back on track again. Thank you! Thank you! Your blog is awesome!"

Betty--Thank you very much. Even when I don't post very often these days---I feel like the heart of this blog is the stuff that really counts. The latest stuff is important as far as maintaining--and I sincerely plan on being more active with this blog in that direction--But going back to day one and reading forward---is the best way to get the full perspective. Sometimes I feel like I've written everything I believe---and to keep saying it, only in a different way, is sometimes the challenge.

Laura Ward--AKA "Zaa Baby," from www.zaaisshrinking.blogspot.com writes:

"May of 2008....and May of 2011 everything is so different! What exciting times you and I live in Sean! How wonderful that things are different for not just you and me but hundreds of others whose lives you have affected! I will always hold you first in my heart as the one who made the most impact on my weight loss. Waiting patiently for my SIGNED COPY of your book. I predicted it, didn't I, oh so long ago?! Much hugs to you and yours."

Laura--Yes you did, my friend...Yes you did!!! Your success warms my heart, Laura. You're amazing my friend!!! And thank you for sticking with me---even when I wait a little too long to post something new!!! You will absolutely get a signed copy--right in your mailbox. You've been such a wonderful supporter!!! Thank you again!!!

What have I learned in the last few months? I've learned that in all the changes I've made--My changes in behavior with food is pretty solid. I don't look at food the same and I never will. I still love food, I still enjoy food, I'm still a food addict--only "recovering," always recovering---And that's OK. Because a new friendship with food is what it's all about--and that friendship will never be abusive again.

When ice cream "Dream Bars," get freezer burn because they've been in there for months---or an entire bag of 45 calorie Snickers minis (A gift) are completely forgotten about in a kitchen drawer...That's a major change. And I love it. It's a sweet freedom that I once thought was impossible to capture. But it's not impossible. It's very real, and very possible---because if someone like me can make it out--after twenty years near, at, or above 500 pounds--I believe anyone can.

I've also learned that I'm not naturally into exercise. That was really supposed to be a part of my lifestyle change--it was, and is---but I'm extremely flawed and faulty when it comes to keeping a set schedule for workouts. It is imperative for me to naturally evolve into a more consistent workout schedule. It's strange--when I started--nothing kept me from walking---it didn't matter--my schedule, the weather, stressed, tired---whatever---It was non-negotiable---But now---so far from the urgency of "do or die," I find it a little too easy to claim-- "I'm really tired," or "My schedule is just too crazy today," or whatever the circumstance might be---when really, I could and should make the time, every time.

Thank you for reading---This would be an epic post like no other if I took the time and space to catch up on everything that has transpired in the last month--so I'll wrap with some photos instead.

I sincerely appreciate your patience and readership--thank you again. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

My grandfather on my dad's side---Silas Haynes--passed away on Mothers Day. I wasn't able to make the trip to Alabama to be with everyone, but I sincerely cherish my trip from last November, even more. Here we are together. I'll have this photo forever. He was an amazing man.

This amazing dessert is just under 100 calories---and totally incredible!! Picture blurry---I use my phone---I really should buy a camera---Geez!!

Hosting The Poncan Opry. Photo credit: Rick Logan

Uh, yeah---I don't really "do" cowboy hats well. Not my style, I guess. But I still love country music!! I love all music---You know that!!!

In my cabin at Camp Wood--getting ready to speak to the Kansas State Alliance YMCA Gathering. Thank you Kansas YMCA's for having me!!! It was awesome!

I love this breakfast--The 60 calorie Joseph's Pita is perfect--the cheese---the egg, oh my--great breakfast!!! With a whole egg and two egg whites--still under 220 and VERY filling!!

Recent lunch. I'm in a habit of taking all kinds of good stuff to work. When I do---I grab less of the little snacks that live in the kitchen at work. Pretzels are awesome---but three hundred calories worth isn't always a good idea!!!

Karen prepared this amazing dinner for me. I wasn't that big on salmon before--but wow, she adjusted my perspective with a perfect grilling and a squeeze of lemon. It was divine. I actually insisted on the small sirloin, because I was convinced I wouldn't like the salmon. I liked both!!

Amber received two scholarships at the SWOSU Education department Awards Ceremony. I am so blessed to have such amazing kids. Wow---I'm a very proud dad!!! We're acting silly here--because that's what we like to do!!!

My beautiful momma--wearing my sunglasses. I love this picture of her--In fact, it's the picture that pops up when she calls my phone!!! ;) Love you momma!!!

OK--Enough with the cowboy hat pictures. We've already established---not my look.

I had a sinus infection gone wild in this photo. I missed work and everything. Very painful infection---I know it looks like something is in my cheek---But nope--nothing--well actually, something was---but we don't want to go there---It was full of infection. Thank you antibiotic shots and medicine!!! Wow---it was getting scary, real fast.

Again this year--I put on the heels for the "Walk A Mile" campaign to raise money and awareness for the Domestic Violence Program of North Central Oklahoma. You can visit their website and find out more: www.dvpnco.org A wonderful organization and cause---and what an amazing event!!!

Another scrumptious meal!!!

Momma and Me. I love her so much. We were at KFC--eating grilled chicken!! I love that stuff--because I can enjoy an entire meal for under 400 calories--at KFC, never would have thought that possible before KGC. Maybe too much sodium--but calorie wise, it's really nice.
I love this photo of her.

Day 918-935 Being Aware and Present, Wearing Heels, Speaking Engagements, and The Answer To "How?"

2011-04-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

Day 918-935

Being Aware and Present, Wearing Heels, Speaking Engagements, and The Answer to "How?"

As I sit down to write, I'm grilling a small steak on my Foreman Grill and baking some fries in the oven. I really enjoy the relationship I've developed with food. As a recovering food addict, I must always be aware and present in the choices I make. I still eat anything I want, but the portions are very different than before this transformation of mind, body, and soul.

I talk about being "aware and present," because I think it's very easy to fall into auto-pilot mode, where the goal is to not crash, while allowing a little turbulence. The attitude is "relax, I got this," but that attitude and inattentiveness can gradually translate to a less defined calorie budget. I believe I've absolutely fallen into that category. It's very easy to do after tremendous success.

The key is to identify that mode and correct--be aware and present, and tighten the grip on the controls. I've always been very confident in my choices with food, but in the last six months or so, I've cruised along in a very comfortable place. Some might say--"Sean, seriously, you're fine--congrats!" But I see the pictures, I feel how my clothes fit--I see me in the mirror--and I know, I'm not where I want to be physically. How many times am I going to say that?? And why is it so easy to cruise along where I am?

Because I feel incredible. I do. I can move--and my physical condition is light years from where I started. This is me--talking to myself--This is me using this blog the way it was intended from the beginning---for me. I know what I'm capable of doing and being. I know what I want and trust me, I'll get what I want! I will, because I'm willing to work hard for it every step of the way. Here we go!

I recently worked with the volunteers and staff of the Domestic Violence Program of North Central Oklahoma in an effort to raise money and awareness for their agency. I moved into a tent on the sidewalk in front of Wal-Mart--where we set up my new "home." I was accompanied around the clock by so many wonderful people--and the beautiful support that followed was really something incredible to witness. I put on red high heels (again), and even applied lipstick, all for donations to this incredibly important service. It was fun, informative, heartwarming, and at times--challenging. But the turnout was worth every hour in front of that store. Thank you to everyone for the donations and support. It was a tremendous success!

I hurried home Friday morning from the fundraiser and jumped in the shower. Oh--wow--a shower hasn't felt that good in years. After 50 hours without a shower--I made it an extra long, soaking kind of shower---but not too long, because I had to get dressed and to the YMCA for a speaking engagement. I spoke to a group of YMCA fitness directors, youth directors, and membership directors from all over the state of Oklahoma. They were all here for a conference--and I was a featured speaker! It was very cool--great audience, and it required me to change my focus a little near the end of my presentation, because every audience is different.

It was my second speaking engagement in less than a week, having spoke in front of the Kiwanis club on Tuesday. I have another scheduled for Thursday the 14th at the Conoco-Phillips Refinery--a private event for their employees. It's such a dream come true--all of these speaking engagements. This is my passion. I love communicating with an audience--and feeling the energy in the room. Oh--almost forgot to mention---I just received a contract to speak at the Kansas assembly of YMCA personnel on May 5th near Salina, Kansas. We're also working on a future agreement that will include speaking events and book signings at YMCA's across the region. It's thrilling to me!!!

Oh--how's the book coming? Thanks for asking. Uh--I'm STILL finishing the manuscript. It's almost become a joke between me and my close personal friends. But trust me--it's not a joke! It is coming--it will be finished---and it will be everything I hoped. I've certainly taken my sweet time, but really--it's a good thing. I recently had a chapter reading with close family--and it really fired me up--to get busy and get it done already!!!

I have many wonderful things, physically--that I'm wanting to experience very soon---Yoga at OM Yoga and Pilates Studio in Ponca City is something that I believe could be crucial to the improvement of my breathing. My recent sleep apnea troubles and sometimes "awake" apnea--seem to be my lungs and heart trying to adjust to the lighter load on my body. I worked them so hard for so long, and now--I need to retrain my breathing to best benefit my smaller body. Deep breathing exercises and the concentration of personal energy are two things that, especially right now--could be a major difference maker. I also look forward to playing tennis, continue with a more consistent weight training schedule, eventually start swimming regularly, and more!

http://www.transformationroad.com/ is in the very beginning stages right now. This site will be much more than just the internet homepage for my book. I have major plans for this site--and I want you to be a part of it all! I would love for you to share your weight loss story with a before and current picture. I'll share it on the new page. If you have a weight loss blog--I'd be happy to also provide a link. Transformation Road isn't just about me--It's about US---all of us, along this road. We share experiences, we share support, we share knowledge---we learn and grow, always. If you would like to be featured--please send an email to me--- sean@transformationroad.com You can also find that address at the "contact us" link on the page. I sincerely hope to hear from you!

I saw an old buddy today, from way back. It's been years since Bryan lived around here and was a GM at a car dealership. He was amazed at the difference in me--and he just kept looking at me, saying "I don't recognize you." That was very cool. I NEVER get tired of those kind of reactions.

Today's excerpt is the long answer to "How?" Re-published by request from someone frustrated from trying to find the right page. I've been horrible about labeling--I mean, I haven't done any--so unless you read from Day 1, you might have missed some things:

Along the way and especially after big milestones, the number of people asking "the question," increases. It's the first question that comes when someone learns of my weight loss success...It's human nature for most of us. The question is simple: How did you do it?

I know I've posted and re-published this many times--and here, I'll do it again. The following is the long answer to "How?" with "The Wrong Battle" analogy at the end:

Readers of this blog know that I've struggled my entire life with obesity. So why am I having so much success now? Because I've decided. I've written before about making that “Iron-Clad Decision,” and it's that decision to succeed, that rock-solid commitment to consistency that has given me these incredible results. I found out that you have to give this journey an amazingly high priority. You have to make it one of the most important things you do. You have to defend your journey from anything and everything that might try to derail it. You have to protect it from yourself. I was always my own worst enemy, I understand that. When you make it this important, it really makes it hard to rationalize bad choices, you know what I mean? As dramatic as it might sound, this is life and death stuff my friend. And no matter if you have 30 pounds or 300 pounds to lose, if you give it that “do or die” level of importance in your life, you're less likely to fail. But is it that easy? Just decide? Really?? Make it important? What?? No.

Along with my “Iron-Clad” decision, I decided to throw away every single misconception I had about weight loss. I knew I wanted long term results, I really wanted to change. So I eliminated any plan that wasn't completely natural. I needed something I could do that would keep me thin the rest of my life. I needed to learn what a normal portion looked like. I didn't want a 'meal replacement” type plan, or a pre-packaged food “weight loss center” type of plan. I knew those type of plans were simply a means to lose weight temporarily. I needed to confront my behaviors with food in everyday situations, and it had to be head on with real food like everybody else eats. I then determined that nothing was off limits. I could eat anything I wanted, and I mean anything! That element of my journey has been one of the keys to success, because if nothing is off limits, then I'll never feel deprived...and I'll never feel defeated because I enjoyed something that conventional weight loss wisdom says you can't have if you want to lose weight. It's not the food, it's the portions.

Counting calories was a natural choice for me. It's taught me about proper portions and it's forced me to make better choices along the way. I opened the “Calorie Bank and Trust” in my mind, treating my calories like cash. Every morning I would be issued 1500 new calories that I could use however I wanted, but beware!

I quickly learned that good choices meant making wise calorie “investment” decisions. I had to spread those calories out all day long, or run short as a consequence. The “Calorie Bank and Trust” doesn't have an ATM. When the calories are gone, they're gone until the bank “opens” the next morning. It might sound silly, it's not---look what it's done for me. But those urges to binge, how do I control those nasty things? Those crazy thoughts that sometime come from out of nowhere, stealing away my resolve, making me fantasize about eating large quantities of anything that I love, yes they existed for me just like everyone else. How have I handled that?

Motivating thoughts plus accountability plus writing out my thoughts every night in this daily blog. That's how I've handled those journey breaking meltdowns. I tell people: Cling tight to those motivating thoughts, defend your journey like your life depends on it, in most cases it does. Decide that nothing...no emotion, no circumstance, no person, place or thing is allowed to steal this away from you. I deserve this success. You deserve this success.

It's too important my friend. One of the biggest elements is self honesty. This means calling yourself on all those excuses and rationalizations that we tell ourselves in order to feel better about bad choices. Honesty, 100%---at all times. And exercise? Anything...just move. All I could do in the beginning was walk and I could barely do that for very long. But I was moving. And the more you move, the easier it gets. All of a sudden my 505 pound near deadly quarter mile walks became a mile...then two, then three, and so on. In the beginning it doesn't have to be anything special. There's no machine to buy or membership required. Just movement. After a while you can get fancy. But set a solid foundation of success first by mastering the basics.

I've discovered something that many have discovered before me, and that is this: It's really 20% about food and exercise and 80% about the mental aspects. Someone who has really helped my mental development is Ralph Marston. I've read very little of Mr. Marston's writing, but this one life changing work from him is something I've read countless times:

“Set Yourself Free” by Ralph Marston---"There is no outside force holding you back. You are holding you back and you are blaming it on someone or something else. The way you are able to continue holding yourself back is by maintaining the illusion that you're a victim. Once you realize that illusion, you will naturally and easily move forward. In fact, it is easier to fulfill your best possibilities than it is to avoid them. So let go of the blame and watch the limitations drop away. Certainly there will always be challenges that hold you back. For each challenge provides you with a pathway through which you can move toward fulfillment. It is your very nature to accomplish. Lovingly accept your destiny, and allow that accomplishment to be manifest through you. Set yourself free to follow your purpose. Set yourself free to truly live." Visit Mr. Marston at http://www.greatday.com/

This food relationship understanding, the clarity involved--in analogy form, was one of the the topics of discussion with mom the next morning at breakfast. Over an egg-white veggie omelet with hashbrowns, we talked about the battles of weight loss--and more specifically, the enemy we're battling. Let me explain:

When I look back at my many failed weight loss attempts, I can clearly see a crucial error in my battle plan. This mistake was the reason for my yo-yo dieting. This mistake was why it was always a struggle every single day as I lost weight in the past. This flaw is one that is made by millions of others everyday along this road...it's the reason for the madness, it's the reason why we're conditioned to believe that weight loss is hard. What is it? Please read...

I was always fighting the wrong battle. I didn't know who or what was the real enemy. How can you effectively battle, if you haven't identified the real enemy? I made food my enemy, that was the battle. I was always determined to put the food in its place---I would try to defeat food at every turn. Food wasn't going to win. That was my battle. The perceived enemy: food. But while I was busy battling food, the real enemy would sneak in from the side and defeat me every time in a battle that I didn't even realize I should be fighting. The real enemy?: ME.

Food never wanted to fight me, food was my friend, my ally...but I was convinced otherwise. It was food that made me fat, right? NO. I made me fat by using and abusing my friend in food. But I could never admit that before. So the battle with my perceived enemy of food would continue...I'd make special list, set portion sizes, count those calories---resist temptation at every turn---battle it, fight with everything I had---but in the end I would always lose the fight. Why? How?

It kind of sounds like what I've done this time...but wait... It wasn't and isn't the same. What ended my past weight loss battles? It wasn't food. It was the real enemy: ME.

Armed with excuses, rationalizations, and slinging blame wherever I could---the real enemy would show up on the scene and completely stop me in my tracks. Even if I had lost 115 pounds like I did in 2004---the real enemy would step in and take it all back, plus some...and it happened time and time again. And it happened because I was fighting the wrong enemy. I was waging war on an ally, whose only desire was to be my friend---nourish me, keep me healthy, provide my body what it needs to live. No wonder I failed so many times at losing weight!

It wasn't until this time, when I discovered the power of self-honesty and 100% self-responsibility in my behaviors with food, that the real battle became clear. And now I know the real enemy. But the goal isn't and never has been to pummel this enemy---the goal has always been to turn this enemy into an ally.

It's about becoming friends with yourself---and that's what's happened over the course of this transformation road. I realized the enemy wasn't really food and that food was always my friend and I realized that although I had always been my own worst enemy, I had the power to call a truce---with a self-honesty/responsibility pact that would leave me good friends with this former enemy. Friends with food and friends with myself. The needless battles are over...there's no peace in those battles. But here---oh my, there's all kinds of wonderful peace and freedom. Freedom to live, breathe, eat, and continue down this road without the frustrations that always plagued my past weight loss attempts.

When someone asks "So, you worried about gaining all that weight back?" I smile and say "no, not at all." It might sound over-confident to them...but when you haven't an enemy to battle--the fight is over and all that's left is gentle understanding and warm peace.

My exercise schedule and calorie budget are getting some serious consideration from me lately. I also want to start posting more often here--at least once every few days. Those post will be shorter, of course...but quality over quantity, my friend. I will have plenty to write about--as I experience Yoga, finish my manuscript, get in a pool again, and take my transformation to another level with weight training. Really--we're just getting started. Thank you for coming along! And seriously--thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,

Sean

Recent picture--trying to take a new facebook profile shot!
With Mom at the Domestic Violence Fundraiser!
Those heels hurt!!!!!!

With mom and Kelli
The tent was cozy!

By the time this picture was snapped---I was delirious. I put on lip gloss for a fifty dollar donation! It was worth it!! A Recent lunch: Salmon Burgers!!! I recently discovered these--and they're not bad at all!! Only 120 calories each--and no weird and crazy ingredients. This lunch checked in at just a touch over 300 calories!!
Today's featured "Before" picture. This was May of 2008--at Amber's High School Graduation!

Day 899-917 The Most Important Part: The Gaining and Putting The Solution Ahead of The Problem

2011-03-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

Day 899-917

The Most Important Part: The Gaining and Putting The Solution Ahead of The Problem

I was moving as fast as my legs could spin that cycle and I was hurting. It was minute eleven of a sixty minute spinning class. It had been a while since I braved the spinning class and my body was not real thrilled with me. I started thinking about how I could make an exit without looking like I had just wimped out and then it hit me: Quitting isn't an option. It's one hour of my otherwise busy but still, easy day--a few more classes, and I'll be conditioned to endure without these meltdown thoughts of failure.

One of my favorite things about working out at the YMCA is seeing so many people taking control and choosing change. It's so inspiring. The membership at our YMCA has exploded since they opened the new facility. New faces of hope, strength, and triumph are everywhere!! It's beautiful.

I recently accepted and performed a stand-up routine at a benefit fundraiser for the Cherokee Strip Museum in Arkansas City, Kansas. It was the first time in a very long time that I was speaking before a crowd about anything other than weight loss. And it was fine, but it wasn't passionate. It was OK, but it wasn't life changing to me. It was familiar, until I looked at the images afterward.

My stand-up always centered around my size and now, well---I couldn't take that easy way out. And the man I was seeing on that stage certainly wasn't what I remember. Sometimes, even after awhile--I get taken aback by my smaller size. It's a friendly reminder of how far I've come--and it feels so amazing. Do I still have some work to do physically? Absolutely--but I'm thin compared to what I was at over five hundred pounds.

When I casually mentioned that I once weighed that much, there was a collective gasp throughout the room. I don't know why I mentioned it really, because it didn't have anything to do with my set--I didn't have any jokes about my weight or previous weight, so I don't know. Maybe I somehow missed that big guy up there, trying to make people laugh no matter the personal expense, and this awkward mention was just an uncontrollable blurt from where my mind was lingering...on old Sean.

I have zero desire to do anymore straight stand-up gigs in the future. This one was for charity and that's cool, but no more stand-up. The passion I feel when I'm talking about losing weight is like stand-up times a thousand. I'll stick with my true passion.

The speaking engagements are starting to come more frequently. I have three scheduled for the first two weeks of April, one in May, and I just MC'd the Lose To Win Awards for Ponca City Medical Center. Participants lost over 2,500 pounds in eight weeks. The program had a 75% retention and completion rate--compared with 32-35% at other programs around the country. That's HUGE!!! I had the pleasure of handing out $5,500 in checks on behalf of the program, to the biggest losers. And it was my pleasure to deliver a brief keynote.

I talked about how losing was wonderful, but what's really important is the gaining. What did you gain from the experience? I've gained so much from my personal transformation. I've gained freedom, life, confidence, self-acceptance and love, I've gained better health, I've gained years, and so much more.

I also talked about something that has been kind of an unwritten theme of this entire journey. Sometimes, you must work on the solution before you can correctly identify the problem.

Day one on this blog was fairly simple in terms of what I was going to do. I was going to stay within the bounds of my calorie budget and walk a little bit. All of the epiphanies came as I progressed down the road. I was working the solution first and really understanding the problem later. It sounds completely backwards...Don't we usually identify the problem and then try to figure out the solution? But how can we fully see the problem when we're right in the middle? You've heard the expression "from the outside looking in...," I had to get outside of my problems---work the solution, then reflect back in order to see a very clear picture of where I was and why I was.

Really--this goes back to something I've talked about many times---and that's simplifying the process...don't over-complicate. Keep it simple, work the solution, then clearly see the issues when you get far enough away from the storm.

This thought process---along with the "wrong battle" analogy, are the type of outside the box thinking that has helped me really break through.

I've been eating really well lately--and I've included some pictures of recent meals below. I think a cookbook might be in order someday--perhaps a collaborative effort with me and my friends!! Seriously--that might be something to discuss someday soon. I guess I better finish the first book, ...first. ;)

My new website is up in a very simple "under construction" mode. You can visit www.transformationroad.com ---You'll find a link to my Twitter and Facebook accounts there---and I hope you'll add me as a friend. You'll also see a "contact" link with my transformationroad email account. This new site will eventually be the home base website of all of my endeavors. I plan on expanding the site in many different and exciting ways---so please stay connected via facebook, twitter, and right here on this blog. I'll keep you posted!!

I get a bunch of wonderful emails and messages---and I try to respond, even if it takes me a few days sometimes. I sincerely appreciate your patience and understanding. I occasionally like to share some of these exchanges--because I feel like they might help someone else. Here's one:

Hi Sean……I was just wondering in the beginning of your journey how did you cope with falling back into your old eating habits?? I started my “new life” Oct 30, 2010 and stuck to it all through the holidays and have lost 30 pounds but when I started to plateau and I started getting discouraged and started slipping up. I still want to lose about 50 more pounds but have found myself stuck. I was wondering if you had any words of encouragement……actually I know you will! I must be a stress eater because I’ve had a lot lately. I am not really a bored eater because I stay pretty busy all the time. For me it is just making the wrong food choices, I am usually on the go and need quick meals. I need to get out of that bad habit, I know, but it just not knowing how! Well, I was just needing some encouragement and hoping you could help!

Thanks, Katie

Katie,

It can be extremely easy to allow a combination of success+comfort in your smaller body+stress+plateau= Returning to your old behaviors. I've experienced that too along the way.

This is the time when you really have to look at yourself in the mirror and realize that it's "crunch time." Dig deep and stir up the emotions tied to your motivating thoughts---and feel it, Katie. Where do you want to go with your transformation? How much weight do you want to lose? Is it a true plateau or is it the results of inconsistency? Answer these questions--not to me, but to yourself.

Get that fight back---and know, that you have the power to accomplish this goal. You're not stopping half way--You're going all the way, my friend. Realize who/what you're really fighting. It's not food---it's you. When you fully embrace the real fight---then, the food issues will work themselves out. Does that make sense?

I knew that I had to maintain the integrity of my calorie budget at all cost---so, when I was running behind---or in a "bad choices" environment, I still understood that I had a set limit....and the choices I made in that moment, would determine if I was going to feel satisfied or cheated. If I blew 500 or 600 calories on something crazy--that I would consider a "bad" calorie value---it still didn't give me permission to break the bank and go over. Treating those calories like cash was so very vital. When the money is gone, it's gone. It really forces the issue of fighting ourselves in moments of weakness.

The stressful triggers---oh my---so many---BUT...I knew going in that I was an emotional eater. Stress would send me running to food everytime...so when life would start raining down, that;s when I had to fight the hardest. No more was the circumstances used as permission to eat as much or whatever...because it is a destructive cycle. Eating to forget---finding that temporary escape to something good. I had to replace that "good" with feeling good, about winning the battle within me to deviate from my plan.

When you hit the pillow at night--you want to be confident that you've done everything you needed to do to be successful that day. It's a peace that comes over you...you know when you're "on," and how good that feels. Make that the goal every night---hit the pillow knowing that you're doing it this time---and NOTHING will stand in the way of you hitting goal.

Stay true to yourself---exercise---eat enough---and drink plenty of water---and don't worry, you'll break away from that nasty plateau. But the biggest thing---battle yourself--and after a while, you'll become the most amazing friend to yourself. It's a wonderful place to be---where the battles are over. Don't get me wrong, we always have to check ourselves every now and again--but seriously, you can find that groove. It's very peaceful.

My best always, Katie---Rock this thing---because, seriously---YOU DESERVE TO FEEL AMAZING ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU DESERVE TO BE AS HEALTHY AS YOU CAN BE. YOU DESERVE TO FEEL THIS GOOD!!!!

Take care,
Sean

----------------------------------------------------
And if you think you might be too old to worry about getting serious about all of this weight loss stuff,
Let me introduce you to Ron Hall--age 77--and busy adding years to his life!!!! This email made my day:

Hi Sean,

Just wanted to share with you my little journey. I discovered you page
about 226 days ago and I said to myself, "Maybe" and so I began by
reading at page 1 and now I am at page 500. I am 77 years old and when
I started reading your blog, I had just about given up at 296 lbs but I
thought, "well maybe" and I started. I have tried and lost all of my
life, I have tried most all the fad and quick diets and I always had
stopped short of counting calories as when I began to check out the
meals, I thought surely I will starve on that. But when you said treat
them like money, I caught on and after all this time I have lost about
50 lbs and I have learned to make good choices now instead of just
giving in. I had been asking the Lord for guidance in this weight loss
try as I thought it will be my last. I just couldn't navigate all this
weight anymore. My old joints and frame was beginning to complain more
every day. Now I am doing much better. I am still reading your blog and
still getting insight to what makes me tick sometimes like I do. I
wanted to thank you for your helping me do this. My wife also is
getting inspired again also.

God Bless you and keep you in all your endeavors,

Ron Hall

Thank you Ron for your spirit and showing us all--that NOW IS THE TIME!!!

My font changed--I think, or is it just me? Well, anyway...

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog from Day 1--

That's a bunch of reading, my friend. I'm honored--thank you again.

I'm very excited about what's ahead around here. I must give thanks everyday for the many blessings---

I'll try to post a little more frequently---I miss it when I don't!!! Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Cathy Cole was the Biggest Female Loser--41.3 pounds!! I'm presenting her with the check!! She's doing so amazing!!! I'm thrilled for her---wow!!

Recent shot

Giant before picture--Over 500 Pounds

Some food pictures---

I love omelets--Especially when I cut the calories way down by using some egg whites mixed in with a whole.
Good food, great calorie value!

Pita pizza--carrots and apples---Nice lunch--or was this a snack? I can't remember...

I love fish. Talapia with green beans and a small baked potato--side of apple sauce--with cinnamon---I love it!!!

Recent lunch...Oh my---so good!!!

Day 875-898 The Monthly Diary--HUH? and A Letter To That Guy or You

2011-03-06T09:30:00.000-08:00

Day 875-898

The Monthly Diary--HUH? and A Letter To That Guy or You

I've received many emails, facebook messages, and a couple of blog comments--all expressing concern over my lack of blog posting. I sincerely appreciate the outpouring of support and understanding!

Becky writes:
"Just when I get hooked on your blog, you stop writing! :( I know you're a busy guy, and I hope life is treating you well! Reading years' worth of posts in the last month got me all involved in your daily life, so going cold turkey is hard!"

Matt writes:
"Are you really that busy, you couldn't post something, anything? It makes me think you might be struggling. If you are, you need to email me and let's chat. You're a wonderful example for so many, but never forget, you're also human."

Anneli writes:
"Hi Sean! I've missed you in blog-land. I hope this silence only means you're busy, not that you've been overeating. If you HAVE been overeating, I hope you trust the online community enough to know that we're still behind you!"

Anonymous chimes in with a little jab:
"The monthly diary of a winning loser."

I understand and sincerely appreciate the concern. My relationship with food does not change, regardless. I like the place I've found in that relationship. Is it perfect? NO. But again, perfection has never been a part of this journey. What I'm not doing is binging. I'm not curling up on the couch with a half-gallon of ice cream and a spoon or eating four bowls of cereal before bed. I'm not ordering and devouring a large pizza, just because. I did have pizza last night as a snack, but instead of a calorie laden pie from a restaurant---I made a 170 calorie mushroom and mozzarella pita pizza. It was delicious and satisfied me perfectly.

While dining out, I always share or I order exclusively from the child or senior menu. I always order water and I never leave feeling stuffed and miserable. A very telling fact is this: Since starting along this road in September 2008, I haven't once needed or sought the relief found in antacid products. If you've read through the archives, you know that "passing the Zantac" was a regular part of our after dinner routine. Not anymore. Not needed. And I feel great about that.

Where do I come up short? In the exercise department. I've used every excuse in the book to keep me from a regular and consistent workout routine. I'm beginning to realize that the changes I've made in my attitude and approach with food, are not the same changes I've made with my commitment to exercise. My success in losing nearly 280 pounds is a product of consistent effort. Yet, I've allowed myself to get "comfortable" with my success, and that has translated into a very inconsistent workout schedule.

This dynamic is at the top of my list of things I want to change immediately. I'm not done. Far from it in fact. Hitting 230 was a goal and I accomplished that. But it's not, nor should it ever be about a number on a scale. It's about how we feel, it's about how our clothes fit, it's about lovingly caring for ourselves---and that means getting that workout in, in some form or fashion, regardless of schedule.

When I started, I was a busy guy--But read the archives or ask my family members--My schedule didn't and couldn't stop me from being out there on the trail, walking off the pounds every night. It was non-negotiable. So--it's a very real and human thing, to reach a certain point where the life or death urgency isn't there...a point where I'm thrilled when I look in the mirror, because it's such a dramatic improvement from where I've come...a point where it's very easy to say: "Yeah, I have some major fitness goals, but I'm so busy and focused on these other projects---soon, I'll find time to get in there and get consistent again. I just have to get this project finished--or that changed"---or whatever it is that I can cling to, to make myself feel better about not working out.

The only area in my life that I accept zero excuses and rationalizations, is my behaviors with food. And that's good. But in order for me to be all I want to be--I must denounce---and pounce on every excuse and rationalization that threatens other areas of my well being. I've often stated that overcoming and managing compulsive eating and food addiction is my strong point, and it is, without a doubt. But still, it's like I use that occasionally as an excuse to pardon my lack of performance when it comes to working out.

Is this all I want? Where I am physically, right now? NO, it's not. I must choose the change I desire before changes come as a result of my lack of good choices in the workout arena. Because not choosing the change, is still making a choice.

I recently posted this on my facebook wall:

"We set an example with our powerful choices, we inspire with our amazing success, we understand because we've been there, and we never stop learning. We're all weight loss superheroes, capable of wonderful things--and as we succeed, our ranks grow exponentially. I have the power--You have the power. We all do. ;) Good Choices, my friend!"

I dove into the archives and found an excerpt that I wanted to share. It doesn't have to be to "a gentleman," it can be to you, if it fits.

From Day 192 --March 2009:

"To The Guy Back There Where I Started"

Every now and then I write a blog, post it, then the next day I'll think of something I wanted to mention but didn't. Last night after the “Lose To Win” seminar, I was approached by a nice lady who expressed concern for a loved one. She told me that the loved one that had her concerned was where I was when I started. Just in case she convinced that loved one to read this blog, here's what I hope he reads:

I don't know your name, what you look like, or anything about you other than a couple of clues I've been given. I know that you're right around 500 pounds and I know that you have loved ones that care deeply about you. That's all I know for certain about you. But I'll take it a little deeper. I was over 500 pounds for years, so I can safely assume that perhaps you're feeling some of the emotions that became a fixed part of my life for so long. You might feel completely hopeless, I did. You might feel like you're out of control, I did. You probably turn to food when you're stressed, scared, sad, happy, it doesn't matter the occasion or emotion huh?

Yep, me too. It's hard to get around isn't it? A short walk can feel suffocating, I know. Maybe you feel like your weight has started chipping away at your personal relationships, I know I did. Are you scared of dying like I was every single day? Be honest, when a little twinge of pain crosses your chest do you start praying it's anything but what you fear the most? I sure did. Is your wardrobe severely limited because of your size? Mine was. I once wore the same pair of pants every day for six months straight, washing it every couple of days, just because it was the only pair that fit, and driving to OKC or Tulsa to buy more was too inconvenient.

When you get scared for your life, do you feel like you're in a non-stop self-destructive cycle? Please say you haven't given up. I never did.

Listen, I knew that if I kept going I would die very soon. Only God knows how soon, but soon for certain. I also knew that I had to be the one to stop the endless cycle. I had to get very honest and very serious with myself. You're not hopeless and you can do this. I'm not special, I don't have any kind of secret potion, I'm not perfect in any way. I'm just a guy who knew that if I really wanted to live, and I mean really live, I had to do something now. I'd argue that I'm no different than you my friend. 192 days ago I reached my limit. My world was becoming unraveled, my weight was doing it's best to crush me and any sliver of hope I may have had for the future.

Can you relate? I bet you can. I'm here to tell you that you can reclaim your life. You have the power within you to do amazing things, and grabbing control of your weight is just the beginning. But how? I'm not going to say that my way is right or wrong, bad or good. It's what I did. I immediately started eating 1,500 calories a day and exercising however I could, and trust me, it wasn't much, but remember, anything is better than nothing. And you'll be amazed at how far you'll progress along the way if you stay consistent.

Read the labels, buy a calorie book, look calories up on the internet. All the information you need is out there. Even before you do that, it's very important to sit down and have a long internal discussion with yourself. Write down what you want out of life. Dream a little! Get it on paper or on a computer screen, whatever, just write. Form your motivating thoughts and hold onto them tight, you're gonna need them to get through this.

Make your motivating thoughts one of the most important things you think about daily. Then DECIDE that you will defend the pursuit of those desires every waking minute. DECIDE to live, DECIDE to change, DECIDE to once and for all take a stand for yourself. Stand up and demand respect from the one that has given you the least, and that's you. DECIDE that it isn't going to end this way, obesity is no longer in charge of your destiny, you are. BELIEVE you have the power to render powerless every hang up that stopped you before, because YOU DO. DECIDE that no matter the struggles in your day to day life, one thing will never be compromised, and that's your commitment to this journey.

Don't do what I did for years, I don't know you , maybe you've done it for years too...Don't lie to yourself. Don't assume you have time to worry about it later. DECIDE to do it NOW and leave the worry behind. I'm right at about half way through my journey, and I've never been happier. That happiness I speak of comes from hope that I never had before. That happiness exist regardless of my current circumstances. Regardless of the stress level from whatever it is that's stressing us out, that happiness and hope remains and carries us through. DECIDE that you're worth it, because YOU ARE. DECIDE to LOVE YOURSELF enough to make the changes that will set you free.

Listen, I've never been one for dramatics, and I know this page is full of dramatics, but please know that it comes from a very sincere place. I wish you could take my place and feel what I'm feeling. Please go back in the archives and read from day 1. Every day is indexed on the left hand side of the page. And if you want, send me an e-mail and we'll communicate directly. Whoever you are, best wishes.

In response to that---Sarah writes:

"Thanks again for sharing your heart. My prayers are with that person...in fact persons, who are struggling to begin the dream. I hope they will take time to read your blog from Day 1. It has been so inspiring to me."
----------------------------------------------
You see...This blog, to me, isn't about the latest post. It's mainly about the twenty-two months of daily posts, seven days a week....everyday, every night...one to three hours of writing. The investment I made, continues to help me today. Because I wasn't just writing, I wasn't just trying to stay afloat or tread water. I was learning to swim. And the lessons I've learned along the way stay with me today. Albeit much stronger and focused in the food behavior department, rather than the gym, but we've discussed this already.

Now--do I think I need to write this blog more often to help me stay accountable in the workout department? YES. YES, YES!!!

Look for more post from me, more often, as I'm about to finish the manuscript for my book "Finding Transformation Road--Breaking The Rules Of Weight Loss To and From Over 500 Pounds." This book has been exhausting. It's an obesity memoir---from five years old to the present day. Wow--it's been an amazing ride. I've shared things in that manuscript that I never shared in the blog--wasn't brave enough to share them, but it will be out there...soon. I can't wait for that day. I promise--it'll be worth the time to read. More details as soon as I have them!!

Thank you for reading, thank you for your support, thank you for everything. You absolutely lift me up in so many ways. I hope that you'll friend me on facebook and follow me on twitter. On facebook, just search using my email address: seanboy105@hotmail.com and on Twitter, you'll find me as @seanaanderson I'm horrible about updating my twitter feed--but I'm very consistent on facebook. Join me! Because I'm making weight loss motivation and inspiration--and sharing my experiences, what I do--for the rest of my life.

Now---I'm headed for the YMCA for a really good workout. Later, my friend...

Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 867-874 A Slight Gain and The Video: Ten Minutes To Transformation Road

2011-02-09T18:58:00.000-08:00

Day 867-874

A Slight Gain and The Video: Ten Minutes To Transformation Road

Weigh day was always an event. It was a special day designated to collect the positive proof of a strong and consistent effort. The excitement leading up to weigh day was at times, overwhelming in a giddy-positive way, because I knew what was coming. I could feel it in my clothes and all over my body. The scale would give me what I came for and I wouldn't make it out of the parking lot before sending out a mass text of the latest number, complete with a day count and total that was consistently impressive. The contacts in my cell phone remember these updates very well.

The sting of a weigh day that didn't give me what I felt I rightly deserved, would make me slightly depressed for a few minutes, or--OK, let's be honest, several hours. But at a certain point I realized that time didn't matter. I'm in this for the long haul, for the rest of my life, forever. So why did I choose to discourage myself when the results were less than desirable? Because it's normal to get impatient when we're doing everything we know we must to achieve what we desire. I don't get that way anymore. Time doesn't matter. What does matter, is my changed relationship with food. What does matter is that I realized I wasn't in a race with anyone. I realized that I wasn't competing with anyone or comparing my weight loss with anyone's track record.

I recently walked into the urgent care clinic and asked if I could use the scale. I hadn't weighed in over six weeks and it was time. I stepped on and found 233 staring back at me. I didn't send out an update, I didn't cry foul, I didn't blame the scale. I didn't worry about it at all. Why? Because I'm in control of my behaviors with food. I've experimented with my calorie budget, I've slightly increased my consumption, and my workouts haven't been as consistent as they should. My size 36 jeans still fit, but still--I could feel this four pound gain. It is a slight gain, compared to what I've lost. And it's temporary. A few more workouts, and just like that--I'm back under 230. And honestly, I may dip even lower. It's a healthy-normal to fluctuate slightly. As long as my relationship with food is solid, I have nothing to worry over. And solid is a wonderful word to describe it, because these changes in perspective are not of the temporary kind. My immediate plan includes adjusting my calorie bank to 1,700 per day and increasing my workout schedule.

I tried out a new machine at the YMCA and I absolutely fell in love! It's like an elliptical, OK--It is an elliptical--just slightly different than the others. I'll find out what it's called and get back with you. Oh my, it was killer. After twenty minutes, my muscles were sent twitching all the way home!

I finally have a new CPAP machine! Yay!!! I can finally rest again. I must say--constantly feeling like a wreck has wreaked havoc on my schedule and my productivity, as anyone might expect. The good news: After the first night on my new machine with the proper setting, I can tell--this is going to be very good. This machine is going to be life changing!

The Girls Scouts dropped off a bunch of cookies at our studios the other day. They leave a sampling every year and every year, we talk about the cookies on the air. I immediately compared all of the calorie counts and determined that the shortbread Trefoils were the best, at 34 calories each. I enjoyed two right then and there. Lucky for me, shortbread cookies have always been my favorite, followed by Thinmints--(40 calories each) If my co-workers only knew how many of these boxes were hidden away in years past, saved for my own private analysis and review. I had to talk about them on the air, so it was justified, right? Isn't it amazing, the stories we tell ourselves!

I recently received an email from a gentleman asking me about possibly advertising something on my blog. When I declined without asking for further details, he told me that I was "missing the boat." I referred him to day 165. We've covered this before! Here's an excerpt:

"My Integrity Isn't For Sale" I originally accepted these advertisers as a way to earn extra income from my blog. But I've learned a lesson in the process. You see, Google would automatically scan my blog and then place ads that somewhat related to my topic. Since my topic is always losing weight and getting healthy, of course they placed ads about a variety of products. The revenue generated was based on per click and per order numbers. It never really added up to too much, but tonight I proudly tell you that I recently told Google to keep that money and go away!

My reputation and integrity is worth more than random checks in the mail from Google, no matter the amount. If you ever noticed these, most of them were advertising crazy products with claims like “Lose 18 Pounds in 4 Days!” or “How I Lost 45 Pounds In Three Weeks-order Now,” or “Oprah Approved Product Will Melt Your Fat Away.” For one thing, Oprah doesn't endorse, let alone approve the Acai Berry product---it says that on her website. And neither do I. Nor do I endorse losing 18 pounds in 4 days, or 45 pounds in 3 weeks...or any product that makes such claims.

I sincerely hope that none of my readers bought this junk. It feels so good to be free from the spying eyes of Google Ads. I couldn't say what I just typed, had I still been using Google Ads. They would have been upset! It says so in the contract. Any derogatory comments about the products or services advertised is grounds for immediate termination of my Google Ads account. Now that I think about it, I should have tested how closely they monitored my blog by exposing the outright scandalous rip-offs as they popped up. Might have been fun to see how long it would take them to dump me. They're gone, and I no longer have to cringe every time I open the page and see “I Lost 9 pounds in 5 minutes...” OK, I made that one up. I think the claim was in 1 day actually.

The people that buy this kind of advertising do it for one reason, to take advantage of people with desperate emotions, who are looking for anything that works and are willing to spend whatever it takes to get it done. I'm ashamed they ever appeared on this blog in the first place. Lesson learned: You can't put a price on your integrity, never, ever, ever!

On that same day--I found an excerpt all about how the exercise becomes easier. I know this is a long blog post already, but:

Tonight at the YMCA I was feeling adventurous! My plan was to do a “hard” two miles. For me, a hard two consist of simply setting the speed at 3.6 mph. I immediately get my heart rate amped up at 3.6, but tonight I wanted to see what I could handle, because soon 3.6 mph will no longer qualify as a “hard” anything. So I tried 3.8 mph. Ok, I can do this...a little different, but doable. Then at about seven minutes in I decided to get crazy. Why not? What's the worst that could happen? Maybe I have to pull the emergency stop plug? I reached down and pressed the button twice taking me to an impressive 4.0 mph! I not only handled it, I stayed there for the rest of the two miles! I've posted an “On The Go” video straight from the treadmill below! What an amazing workout! When I first climbed on that thing months ago, I couldn't even think about getting past 2.9 mph...in fact many times I did 2.7 mph! I know I've said it often, but I'm showing you proof of this everyday: It gets easier and easier! Just keep that in mind if you too are doing this, and perhaps just getting started. When you feel like it's “impossible,” it's not. When you can't imagine ever doing more, you can, and when you're “just not feeling it” Do It ANYWAY! Remember...consistent, positive effort gets results every time. You just have to be patient and trust that the results will come, because believe me, they do!

Let's visit the mailbag, shall we? I opened up my inbox this morning and found the most wonderful message:

I've been reading your blog from start to finish and am in AWE of your writing ability... and I'm a tough critic. Your words have cut through 26 years of my "analysis paralysis". I was constantly revising my approach to weight loss (do mental gymnastics burn calories? I wish!) Needless to say, I just kept getting fatter. Simple is BEST. This time I am making sure I have nothing to rebel against, or as you said, "What if you couldn't cheat?" I could not do it any other way. I'm down 50 pounds, 120-130 more to go, and for the first time, I'm totally confident that I'll get there, and that is due in large part to you being down the road, holding a lantern, yelling, "This way! Just keep walking!" You are just the best, and I'm so very impressed with your devotion, conviction, humility, sense of humor, and graciousness. Tired of people putting you on a pedestal yet? : ) Get used to it, my friend, there are great things in your future, and the world needs your insights as never before. Just wanted to add one more thing... of all the qualities that you possess as a leader, the one that stands out most of all is that you genuinely seem to care about people, and not just people in general, but people as individuals. You remind me very much of Richard Simmons in this way. Also, you have the kind of warmth that makes people really care about YOU. It is something more than charisma... it is WARMTH (and that will make you always more handsome than Tom Cruise). HUGS- Becky

I absolutely love the phrase "analysis paralysis!" It is such an on-target phrase. When you read message like this, you can feel the excitement, the joy, the absolute life changing attitude. It's a wonderful thing in so many ways. I share it, in the hopes that their words might help someone else find that spark within--that epiphany that brings it all together, for the first time in years. We all have the power to inspire.

Shane had this to say about the last post:

Sean, I love the beginning story! That is too cool dude! I got a little reminiscent reading the e mail from that lady. I too remember getting started reading your blog from beginning and gaining inspiration that this way of losing weight, really does work! I have to tell you, my changes have been many over the past 6 plus months have been amazing. My body, my attitude, my perception of portions of food, and my fitness level.... and I know you will try to deflect this, but I do owe it in large part to you being brave enough to take your journey, and to put your story out there for all to see and be inspired by. Thank you my friend, from the bottom of my heart. --Shane in Arkansas

And this comes from April in Alabama:

Sean I began reading your blog mid July 2010, I read one(and of course all the new ones)a day, I think about each day and really try to recall your advice! I love your message I began my weight lost journey with a whole new approach when I started to read this blog!! I am down 45 pounds and have 55 more to go!!:) You are such an inspiration!! I wish you all the best on maintaining and spreading your enthusiasm for Healthy Lives to all!!! --April in Alabama

Isn't that exciting! But as wonderful as it is--something still bugs me horribly.

I have close friends and loved ones that struggle so very hard along this road, and I wish I could take their hand and do it for them. I can't, only they can. But what's so hard to understand is--how two people can read the same blog, word for word, and one person is completely ready to "see" it and the other isn't. And when the other is someone very close to me, it makes it especially hard. I've thought about this a bunch lately and here's what I've concluded:

We're all at different points along our road. Just as it took me nearly twenty years to finally "see," it takes some longer than others. Some never get there. And it makes me sad. I wonder if my close personal loved ones have a harder time because it's me writing this blog. They've known the "Old" Sean much longer than this new version and maybe that somehow discounts my message. All I can do is hope and pray that like so many others, they too will arrive at that point within themselves someday soon. I know that it can't be hurried along unnaturally. And it can't be done for them. I so wish it could, because I would...in a heartbeat.

Thank you for reading. The following video is a ten minute presentation edited from my Lose To Win Seminar on January 13th at the Poncan Theatre. Deke Media, Dekeonline.com handled the footage and post production. They did a wonderful job! Thank you Deke Media!

I hope you'll friend me on facebook! Just search for me using my email: seanboy105@hotmail.com

Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 854-866 The Man In The Next Booth, Living and Learning, and Re-Focusing The Fundamentals

2011-02-01T18:47:00.000-08:00

Day 854-866

The Man In The Next Booth, Living and Learning, and Re-Focusing The Fundamentals

I walked into the restaurant with a beautiful date on my arm and a plan. I always have a strategy ready when I dine out and it's always very simple. I order water with lemon. If I want a "lemonade," I ask for extra lemons, then I use sweetener to taste. Since most restaurant portions are enough to feed two or three people, sharing is most always practiced. I avoid the appetizers and I avoid the bread, pre-meal, knowing that I'll enjoy one when the meal arrives. At Texas Roadhouse, they'll bring you as many rolls as you can handle. And they're incredible little things, really. Perfectly baked to perfection--hot, buttery, with a taste that makes you want to know what exactly it is they put in these things. I'm not sure what it is, but it's something very hard to resist, especially for a bread lover like me. But I calmly remind myself that I'll have one soon, as quickly as the meal arrives.

I love fried catfish, I think we've established that before. And this place does it so well. And the portion they put on a plate just absolutely begs a reasonably sane person to do one of two things: Either share or get a box and take half of it home. I always opt to share. 1/2 a baked potato and a couple of catfish fillets, plus a roll--makes for a wonderful meal. It's not too much or too little, it's just perfect. This is the plan and it works, every time.

I always remember "Old Sean," in these situations. I remember how foreign it would have been to even suggest sharing a meal like this. Instead of being nearly appalled at the enormous serving sizes, I would have applauded them for the value and the feast that I most certainly would have joyously stuffed in every last bite--along with extra rolls and butter--and more peanuts please! I always needed an antacid after a big meal. I never need one now. And I'm still satisfied and happy. Hmmm...This is nice.

The best part of this restaurant visit wasn't the different attitude and approach that my new relationship with food provides. It was the company in the next booth. Let me explain: As we were being seated, I thought I recognized the gentleman in the booth up ahead. When he loudly exclaimed, "Sean Anderson," I immediately knew who it was. He looked so different from the last time I saw him. It was the tattoo artist that gave me my "505" tattoo. When he gave me my tattoo, he weighed 460 pounds--Now, he's 156 pounds lighter--looks completely different, and in his words, "I feel twenty years younger!"

We talked about his journey and the questions people ask him about his "plan." When he describes how he eats less and exercises all the time, most people are less than thrilled. I've experienced that same thing!!! He mentioned how he can't wait for summer, because he'll be able to do things that he hasn't in years. His eyes were lighting up at the thought. It was genuine happiness. The beautiful lady across from him was smiling from ear to ear too. She surely sees an amazing difference in this former 460 pound man that goes way beyond the obvious physical changes. It was an amazing little visit. And as he walked away, I couldn't help but stare--and smile. He thanked me for inspiring him. And now--he's going to inspire so many more with his brilliant enthusiasm for life. The chance encounter of it all, made this night out extra special. I experienced over-whelming joy for him and his success that he's worked so hard to achieve. The guy is amazing--and it thrills me to know him.

It's always interesting that we have similar experiences when trying to answer the question, "How are you doing it?" It's so natural to look for the easy way out along this road. I did for so many years. And if someone told me that it was a lifestyle change (and they did many times), and that I had to eat less and exercise more, and battle myself to stay true to the mission of change--well, I was always disappointed. This thought is exactly what inspired a blog posting from February 2009. let's go back in the archives, shall we?

From Day 163 "The Insane Search for Anything that Works and An Unlikely Dinner"

I searched for years, well, not really actively searching everyday, but curious always at least, wondering what really works? I was conditioned by our culture and society from an early age to believe in order to lose weight, you had to have a plan. Not your own sensible plan, because that would be too simple and free, and we know that if it's free it can't work, no, no, no...we gotta pay to lose weight if we expect results. We need someone else's plan!

A plan or product someone else designed and now charges large amounts of money for. Now if this plan is all about learning portion control, self-analysis, and exercising, then great...sounds good, but kinda boring...and boring doesn't sell. I want amazing success claims! I want you to tell me that I can basically sleep and gorge all day long and still lose weight.

I always thought that the secret must be in a product or system somewhere on a store shelf near me. When I would run into someone who had lost weight, my first question was always: “How did you do it?” This is often the first question that comes to mind for anyone. I always wanted to hear about a miraculous new product that would magically melt away my fat in the middle of the night while I slept regardless of my food intake or lack of exercise. As crazy as that idea sounds, that's exactly the message I've watched before on an infomercial in the middle of the night. Perhaps you've watched the same one. Did you notice the fine print too?

“Product to be used in conjunction with a regular diet and exercise regimen.” Really? I have to make an effort? Then why would I want to take these again? Do they even contain anything other than a placebo and a slick marketing campaign that targets the desperate and dangerously overweight at 2am?

But for years I had an open mind and a willing ear to listen to anyone that had any information on what worked. As long as that solution didn't involve certain things, like personal responsibility, educating myself on portion control, understanding, analyzing, and reconstructing my behaviors and please don't say exercise! Noooo! I can't move! What? You want me to kill myself?

Listen, I understand the hopeless feelings that consume grotesquely obese people. I've been one for years. The dream is a miracle cure, that never comes along. Oh sure, people lose weight on all kinds of products and systems. I'm not saying you can't lose weight on some of these things. People do everyday, but it's like spending money on cleaning up the mess from a broken sewer line, but not fixing the broken sewer line. Sorry, that's a gross but effective example...but you see what I mean, right? That's why so many people gain back everything they lost and more! They cleaned up the mess caused by the real problem, but they didn't address the real problem.

When they repeat the process over and over they call it...”Yo-Yo Dieting.” I've always heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result...that's yo-yo dieting! What has driven me to get down to the honest bare truth behind my lifelong battle with obesity? I don't have time to yo-yo any-mo-mo. That was kind of lame, but it made me laugh, so I'm good. I'm learning everyday about food and how to properly handle it, I'm learning about exercise and how to properly do it, and most importantly, I'm learning about me on a level I didn't know existed.

For the first time in my life I'm finally finding what I was looking for, and the strangest thing is, it was inside me all along, but I wasn't looking there. It's like searching for your lost car keys for 30 years, then one day finding them in your pocket where they'd always been.

It's time to read some wonderful mail! I absolutely love opening messages like the following. it's like a gift someone is giving me. It's feedback. It feels good to feel like we're making a difference. And I can't thank this reader enough for the wonderful time and energy they put into this email gift. In consideration of their privacy, I've taken out the name. This feels good:

"Hi Sean,

I just finished reading every day of your journey from the very beginning and I’m truly sad that I’m now all caught up and just waiting for you to write again. I started my journey on Oct 25 and by some miracle found your blog and started reading. As many people have stated, you are one hell of an inspiration and I truly am grateful that you wrote your journey down for the world to read. I too am counting calories and exercising and am proud to say that I now have dropped 30 pounds as of this morning and on the road to another 30 and then 30 more. Like you I love food and found it funny that you used Velveeta cheese in your last seminar to signify the weight loss as Velveeta is one of my weaknesses and that’s one food I haven’t touched since Oct 24. I too started with the “anything goes” philosophy but have found that the longer I go the more I don’t seem to care if I eat chocolate, Velveeta or KD. Weird how the mind set changes over time. I’m loving that I am down 2 sizes and can’t wait to be able to walk into any store and buy anything I want, right now I have to go to a “special” store that caters to us heavier people. I too just recently started to get the “have you lost weight” comments and man, does it feel good. I really was starting to wonder why nobody was commenting on it but now it seems every day I get at least one person and it thrills me every time.

Thank you for all that you have written and the knowledge you have passed along. I am forever grateful that I could read you any day when I thought I just couldn’t do this anymore. You have kept me on the right path and for that I am eternally grateful. I was talking to a friend this morning and she is starting her journey and I told her about your blog and that she should start from the very beginning, she plans on doing that right away and I hope she pays it forward and so on. I am so excited for you and all the wonderful things that have happened in your life. When you’re sad I’m sad for you, when you got the divorce I cried for you and when you’re happy I’m happy for you. I don’t know why some people have to be cruel and say things like “get over yourself” but damnit, those are the people that are either jealous or sick in some way and aren’t worth the worry. How anybody could not be amazed and inspired by you is something I do not understand. I totally get why you have to sometimes just stare at yourself in the mirror and marvel at what you’ve done as I too in the privacy of the bathroom have to do that myself. People that haven’t had a bad body image or have never had to fight with weight will never understand why we have to “admire” ourselves every once in awhile. The feeling of accomplishment is something we have to force our brain to see.

We’ve had 2 quick exchanges in the last couple of months but this is the biggest writing I’ve done to you as I know you are so very busy and trying to get the book done so I don’t like to bother you. I’ll probably never meet you in person but that’s okay, I still think of you as my weight loss buddy and will forever remember you and your amazing transformation and look forward to more writing on the blog.

CONGRATULATIONS on reaching your goal, I was thrilled when you got there, way to go!!! And I hope your sleep apnea gets fixed and that you can finally rest and get a good nights sleep, you deserve it. And I’ll be added to the long list of people that exclaim that you are one handsome man and I hope you find a wonderful lady that deserves you, or perhaps you already have with Karen, but that’s none of my business, I’ll shut up now.

Take care of yourself...a Canadian fan…"

What a blessing! Thank you, my friend! I'm so thrilled for your success!! You're absolutely doing it--and this time is different from any other!!

Sleep apnea. Oh my--yes, it's wreaked havoc on me in the last several months. I've now completed two sleep lab studies in the last month and I'm currently awaiting the final results and will soon be receiving a new prescription and setting for a CPAP machine. It has absolutely hurt my productivity in many ways. I'm always tired it seems and no matter how well I think I've slept, I'm always ready for a nap, even if I've only been up for a few hours. I'm really looking forward to experiencing real good rest again--The kind of sleep I remember from nearly ten years of sleeping successfully on a CPAP at my heaviest.

A couple of my blogging buddies stopped by the blog and commented recently. Tony "The Anti-Jared" Posnanski is truly an inspiration to me in so many ways. He has an amazing sense of humor too. I love his arms and he loves my voice, apparently:

"I want your smooth voice. You are listening to WRQZ in Orrrrlando. Coming up, Hall and Oates, but now, Hit me with your Best Shot, it's Pat Benetar. See, not even close to your voice."

You absolutely crack me up, Tony! Thank you, friend!!

Jack Sh*t, the king of weight loss blog comedy, but also someone with a very serious and caring heart--with a keen observant eye, and a genuine concern--writes:

"Boy, that not weighing in for a month scares me, Sean. The problem when you get out of that tightly focused losing mode is that it's a lot harder to shift it into gear than it was before (or at least that's what I've found). But you're right... it's still FANTASTIC, but the key is to keep it that way!"

Jack--thank you for this! You're absolutely right. And now, I still haven't weighed. I've been trying to trust myself at every turn, keeping myself in check, eating like a normal person--and seeing what happens. It will be interesting to see what the scale says. I didn't really set out to try this scale free six week period, but it certainly has become an interesting study within myself. And what have I found?

I'm not ready. I'm just not ready to be "normal." What is "normal" anyway? I need the structure that has brought me this far, I do. I need to lose a little more. And finding that balance that will maintain me for life--well, that is something I'll gradually and very naturally evolve into. For now--I'm tightening up the fundamentals that have delivered me from 505 pounds. And that tightening--includes weighing this week.

I have some amazing friends in this weight loss blogging community--and these two guys are very special to me. Thank you both, again!!!

After a friend gifted me with Truvia and Agave Nectar, I've been giving it a try instead of Splenda. I even purchased some Sun Crystals, the stevia/sugar hybrid stuff--at 5 calories per packet. I'll be honest--I prefer the taste of Splenda. But I'm giving this natural alternative a wonderful try---and I know it's better for me. But you know me--I don't always consume something just because it's better for me! After all---I've never had a salad. Ever.

I hope that you'll friend me on facebook. Just search for me by my email: seanboy105@hotmail.com I update facebook almost daily and we have some pretty lively, sometimes helpful and informative discussions on my facebook wall.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

My oldest daughter Amber. I love her so much! She was in town last weekend and we had such a wonderful time at the Liverpool Legends concert!

From the upcoming Lose To Win Youtube video segment--available soon, right here and on facebook!

I always include a giant before picture every time. I've included this one a couple of times--and it always shocks me to see it again.

Day 843-853 Better Sleep on The Way, Still Some Weight To Lose, and Another Speaking Engagement

2011-01-19T17:34:00.000-08:00

Day 843-853

Better Sleep on The Way, Still Some Weight To Lose, and Another Speaking Engagement

I've been struggling with the effects of sleep apnea so much lately, I just feel wrecked half the time. The results of my sleep study on the night of December 30th require another sleep lab, this time with a cpap machine. I go in Thursday night for round two! They'll adjust the settings, find the perfect pressure, and I'll start feeling rested again! I think I'm finally over the stubbornness I've felt in accepting my post-weight loss sleep apnea problems. Yes--I thought my weight loss had totally liberated me from that disorder, and NO, it didn't. So I have a choice--I can be a big baby about it or I can count my blessings and realize how wonderfully lucky I've been along this road. I've discovered a new life of possibilities free from morbid obesity. So--a sleep disorder, easily treated with a life saving device? No problem. I had a cpap before and I slept wonderfully for years, despite my 500 pound body. It's time to feel rested at 229 or whatever I am now.

I haven't weighed in over four weeks. I must do it again real soon! I'll tell you this--I kind of feel like I may have gained a pound or two. Some of the pictures from my Lose To Win speaking engagement on the 13th, were less than flattering. You'll see. Oh--I'm so hard on myself, because really--compared to where I've been, it's all good. But the jeans I chose that night--I didn't like the fit. Now--when I say that I still have work to do--The people that send me messages telling me I don't, might agree. Some of it is the loose skin factor, but seriously---honestly--I could stand to lose another 15 pounds at least. Maybe even 20. Not necessarily in my upper body, but absolutely in my lower. The pictures will show. And the video that's coming will too. I swear--I'm not crazy or obsessed, my friend!! I'm just brutally honest with myself when it comes to these issues. I'm also very comfortable and confident, and that's something I've never experienced, ever--before now.

I'm eating around 1800 calories per day. Some days less, others a little more. It's a very relaxed approach. I still haven't revved up my workouts. Wow--that's been a running theme on this blog, huh? After 853 days, I'm still talking about needing to "amp up" my workouts. I hope that you realize, my example in the workout department isn't and never has been the best. There are friends of mine that know how to workout good and hard. I could learn a thing or two from you! And YOU know who you are!!

My life feels chaotic sometimes--as I try to juggle a full time job, write/finish this manuscript, and struggle with severe sleep deprivation because of the apnea. But we're getting there--slowly, but surely.

Communicating my story and weight loss methods/philosophy is certainly a passion. I can clearly see how this will be my future in every way. I can't think of a better future. The feedback I get from people who are discovering the power within to transform, is over the top--and it feels amazing to be involved in some small way.

The speaking engagement on the 13th was well received. I certainly feel like I communicated effectively. The main focus was all about getting very real and honest with ourselves and then throwing away the rule book--simplifying the process, and focusing on the right battle. I had a tremendous time and the comments after were wonderful! Big thanks to Gayle Williams of Womyn Aloud Productions for producing the opening segment and running the presentation on the big screen! And big thanks to David and Crystal Deken from Deke Media for the video production work!! The video will be available soon. You can visit Deke Media at www.Dekeonline.com

Beverly said-- Thank YOU Sean! You're such an inspiration and your talk was so appreciated. I hope everyone else took as much with them tonight as I did about not making this so hard.

Cathy said-- Sean, you were amazing!!! Your message was profound and I know so many are going to benefit from your personal story and your Transformation Road!!!

Barbara said--You were great tonight (as usual) Sean! I so enjoyed it and got a lot of motivation from it! I have started reading your blog from day one and read about 3 or 4 days each day. Also if I get to thinking about eating more then what I have on deposit in the bank, I pull up your blog and read one or two days and I'm good to go again! Thanks for helping all of us to "Transformation Road"!!!!

I traveled back in time to January of 2009 and found a nice excerpt from Day 130:

This journey is often times more mental workouts than physical ones. It is a mindset, it is a decision, and the rewards are the good consequences of those decisions. I was always too busy coming up with excuses for why I couldn't do this. But you know what? Once you really decide to do it 100%, the excuses lose their power completely. If you're facing this same struggle then embrace yourself and decide to live! Because this is living my friend. I may still be slightly over 400 pounds, but I can move again! I can go to Wal-Mart and walk the entire store with a positive-effortless stride instead of a labored waddle. I can breathe again, I can hurry if I need to, I can do things that 100 pounds ago was completely unthinkable. When the results are that dramatic, it makes you want more. I have no idea what I'll feel like a hundred pounds lighter from now, but if it's as dramatic a change as the first hundred, then I can't wait!

Here we are, two years later--and yes, I know exactly what it feels like to lose the next 100 and then another 76 on top of that---It feels AMAZING! It's cool for me to go back and see how wonderful I felt--even at over 400 pounds. The road has been a joy for different reasons along the way. And it's been a struggle for other reasons. But in all--It's been one incredible ride. "When the results are that dramatic, it makes you want more." That is so true!! The results snowball effect!! Good choices lead to more good choices--and the results come with that consistent pursuit.

It's time to check the mailbag and feature a few wonderful messages! I sincerely appreciate every message and I absolutely LOVE updates on your personal success!! Let me know how you're doing!

Hi Sean! Just a note to say I LOVE your blog! Thank you for sharing your journey, and all the inspiration. An amazing journey. I just started my own weight loss journey on 1/1/11 and looking for friends to inspire and be inspired by. I hope you come by and visit my blog, and wishing you luck in everything you do! Hugs, Wendy Check out Wendy's blog at: http://www.WhyNOTme.us

Keep it up, you are right we need to inspire and empower people around us and influence them to what we have seen and experienced I have lost 50lbs in about 2 yrs and it feels awesome but reading your blogs keeps one in check. Thanks--Sam

Hello Sean, How are you? My name is Faye. My husband and I live in a suburb near Philadelphia, Pennsylvania! I WAS following your daily posts for a while, and then stopped. I'm BACK now and REALLY serious this time to lose this weight! I am now at 282, and SOOOOOOOOOOOOO EMBARRASSED to even type that number! I was wondering how do I figure out how many calories I should be eating to lose this weight??? I will be 59 in June and I have family in Rochester New York, my husband and I travel there in June to visit my brother and his wife and my niece and her husband and young son! I HAVE MADE A PROMISE to myself that I want to BE THINNER the next time we go! I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOVE reading your posts and your pics are just unbelievable! YOU LOOK AMAZING! I KNOW you are so busy with all your posts and blogs and face book (I didn't check Facebook out yet, but will tonight) BUT, I am hoping you could give me an idea on calories! My neighbor and I are doing this together and she gave me the web site of Lance Armstrong site www.livestrong.com It states that I should be eating 1870 calories a day. Today is my 3rd day and I HATE to write what I eat, (its one of the reasons I didn't sign back up to weight watchers) BUT NOW I'M SO HAPPY TO SAY THAT I, YAY, AM TRACKING EVERYTHING and looking up calories too! I HAVE been a HUGE water drinker from way back and just got away from it some. I have been drinking a little over a half gallon every day, sometimes MORE! SO SORRY TO HAVE KEPT YOU SO LONG HERE AND OH, ONE MORE THING, YOUR FAMILY LOOKS SO NICE! ESPECIALLY YOUR MOM AND GRAND MOM! MINE ARE BOTH in Heaven! Many thanks in advance--Faye

Hi Sean, I am writing to let you know what your blog has done for me. Going back, I am 65 and had gotten a good scare with my Blood Pressure ( I am on meds already) and it wasn't coming back down. I had read your article and then signed on to your blog. Your blog has supported me as I kept a diary on line and measured portions and started the Exercise program SIT AND BE FIT on PBS which is a simple, easy going workout. So, over the last 6 months I have gotten healthier (and that's my goal), lost 27 pounds, and am feeling wonderful. Oh, and my BP is the lowest I have had in years. When I see my internist we will be discussing the amt. of meds I need now. My clothes fit comfortably and my energy level is up. I also don't mind having my picture taken either. I plan on living a good, long time and seeing my grandchildren grow up! Thank you for your continued blog articles and I go back and look at earlier diary entries too, and it really IS interesting! Keep on, keeping on!!! --Rosie

Hey there Sean, Wow...I started reading your blog and I found myself just in tears...reading about what you went through. Just letting you know and you probably hear this all the time but your honesty is so appreciated. I have to admit I read about you having to find a scale and that whole job interview...it made me cry. I just wanted to give you a great big hug. You are a brave soul to share this and having struggled with weight loss it hit a nerve. --Julie

Dave May, who works across the hall from me every morning on KLOR, has started his own blog. It's not a weight loss blog, but it's certainly interesting! His resolution for 2011 is to say nothing negative about anyone ever, for one year solid! How will this effect his life? How will it effect his family? How will it change him personally? Read and find out! He's recruited a pastor, a mental health professional, and an English professor to act as an "expert" panel throughout his journey to less negativity. You can read his interesting blog at www.saynothingnegative.blogspot.com

Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

On stage during the Lose To Win speaking engagement.

Another stage picture...

After interview--for the video

Recent--In studio Thank you Cathy Cole!

Today--George Harrison's sister Louise stopped by the show and had lunch with radio station staff and listeners at Mazzios. She looks so much like George, wow!! She was in town promoting an upcoming concert at the Poncan Theatre--Liverpool Legends will be on the Poncan Theatre Stage January 28th at 7:30pm--sponsored by RCB Bank and KLOR!

Huge before picture--alongside Amber, Courtney, and Irene

Day 836-842 Planning To Reach For More, My Cheesy Speaking Engagement, and More "Lost" Before Shots

2011-01-08T14:56:00.000-08:00

Day 836-842

Planning To Reach For More, My Cheesy Speaking Engagement, and More "Lost" Before Shots

I know a stated goal is important, but I must admit something I've experienced since hitting 230: If I'm not careful, I could easily forget that there's still work to be done. I understand that maintaining and losing are two different things, yet very similar. I feel like, eating normal portions, like a normal person, is so automatic now. But what isn't, is setting and committing to a solid workout schedule. I've always stated that redefining my relationship with food--in effect, overcoming a lifetime of food addiction, is my strong point. I'm still and always will be a food addict. But my comfort level with food, my friendship, if you will, is solid. However, with that understood, it's important for me to realize that the exercise part is even more critical now, if I plan to reach further and go beyond where I am physically. I do plan to reach further.

I want that body I've always dreamed of having, and I'm in a perfect position to get exactly what I want. I've stripped myself of the fat shell that I allowed to hold me back for so long and now the canvas is ready for a new picture. I thought about this as I worked out today. The mountain of 276 pounds is gone, and now it's time to fine tune, it's time to dream a little more, do a little more, make it happen again--in other ways.

Melody Knight Young, along with several Ponca Citians, are NYC marathon runners and facebook friends of mine. Melody recently posted to my wall: "So, are you ready to run the half marathon in OKC?" My reply: "That would be amazing. I have a looong way to go before I'm ready for that, I swear. OK--Maybe not that long of a ways...but still, a ways. ;)"

And it's so true. I do have a long ways to go. But it's not impossible. Anything is possible, if I decide to put in the effort needed to achieve. Don't count me out Melody, ever!

I played racquetball with the wall today, just like in the video from my last post. Well, nothing like the video in my last post, really. This time, at 229 pounds, I was flying around that court. I'm training in the court once again. Why? Aside from the fact that it's a phenomenal workout--The owner of the broadcasting company where I work, has challenged me to another racquetball match soon--and he's going to be very surprised at my abilities. Just remember Bill--inside that court, you're not my boss...you're just my next challenger, about to go down!

On Thursday, I had an opportunity to speak at the Lose To Win kick-off event for the third year in a row. It was wonderful! I used 276 pounds of Velveeta to illustrate how much weight I've lost. I even put on my old size 64's and a 6XL "Big Daddy" jersey shirt for my entrance. I had to have two assistants, one on each side, to hold up my pants as I pushed the cart full of Velveeta. It was crazy fun. Those pants---wow, I still can't believe that they were tight when I first bought them. I shared the story of how the button actually popped off and I had to have another sewn on, about an inch over--just to wear them again, they were the only pair of jeans I had at one point. My talk was about how this Lose To Win Challenge can be whatever you desire. It can simply be an eight week contest or it can be life changing forever. If you choose the latter, win the money or not, you'll be winning for the rest of your life! It was a fun speaking engagement and a nice teaser for my upcoming Lose To Win seminar on Thursday January 13th inside the historic Poncan Theatre.

I invited people to come up and share how much they desired to lose---and then, they lifted that amount of Velveeta. I encouraged, "go ahead, walk around with it a little," and then watched as they felt the relief of putting the weight back on the stack. It was a wonderful visual aid and an interesting invitation that many accepted.

I sincerely appreciate all of the wonderful emails and messages sent my way. Thank you! I can't share them all (although I wish I could), but I will share a few--with first names only, in consideration of their privacy. It's messages like these that make me feel on top of the world. All of the work has been worth every drop of sweat, every hour at the keyboard, every personal story shared...worth it, completely:

"Hey Sean, My name is Shirley. I just wanted to say I am so proud of all your
success. I started following your blog after I read your AOL story in
August. What you said made so much sense! Since I stared following I am down 22 lbs and my cholesterol is down 50 points!! Have a wonderful year:)"

"Dear Sean, I started reading your blogs in July and you helped me more than you can know! I am back making better food choices and losing weight. Have another 100 pounds to go but know I can make it with the help of the blogs. Through your blog friends (I was not even aware of blogs before yours) I have made it day to day. Hope you won't let as much time pass in between your blogging as you have had to do recently. Am looking forward to your book coming out. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! NANCY"

"Hi Sean, Its been almost three months since I originally email you. I am so excited and I wanted to email you again with an update. I have reached my original goal to loose 50 lbs! Thank you so much for being so inspirational! I continue to follow your blogs plus your posts on facebook and enjoy them so. I have looked at pictures of myself and can't believe the difference of 50 lbs and imagine how you feel with all that you have lost. I do have days that I still see myself as the fatter me, but as you mentioned in many of your blogs it's our mind and a mental thing that I need to overcome. I can't thank you enough for being who you are and helping so many people like myself. If I didn't read you blog I don't think I would be at the weight I am today. I plan to continue to loose and the next goal is 25 more but I am so pleased to make it this far and will continue on. I am the healthiest and happiest I have been in 25 years and I feel wonderful! And Size 12 feels fabulous! Thank you again for being so inspirational. Patti"

Virginia writes:
"Hi Sean, sorry for my bad English, but I read from Italy (Florence).
I met you first on your blog and then on facebook. You're such inspirational for my weight loss journey! I'd like to know if your radio station is also on internet,I'd like to hear how sounds your voice :)). I'm tryng to learn English watching movies and hearing English voices....I'd like to come to Pine Ridge reservation ( I love Native American culture) next summer and I'd like to speak an acceptable English. SO... that's it. Good Life, ciao"

I'm so happy for these wonderful people and everyone that shares their story with me!! Thank you so much! I just keep thinking about how your inspiration multiplies exponentially...Because with your success, you're inspiring others around you to do the same--and it keeps going and going!! We can make a difference, my friend!

I traveled back two years into the archives today, visiting January 2009. I found a couple of excerpts I wanted to share:

I constantly have to keep myself ahead of that “line of least resistance.” It's too easy to just not do this. The line of least resistance is what put me up over 500 pounds for so long. The line of least resistance has an all you cant eat buffet, where you never worry about calories. It has comfy sofas and beds, and not a treadmill anywhere remotely close. Every comfort and indulgence is readily available at that line. But it's not free. It cost you dearly. It takes away so much from your life while pretending to be your best friend. So is staying away from that line effortless? No, not even a little bit. But is it worth the effort? Absolutely. Because the rewards of getting healthy and losing weight gives me more than any false friendship that line provides. It's real positive stuff my friend. I can't imagine the potential yet. It's too far reaching to calculate. And the cost of success? Exercise and learning how to limit portions. And I still get to rest when I need to, and I still get to eat whatever I want, I still get to enjoy myself. Moving this body and eating less is a small price to pay for all the rewards it can bring.

From a different day, two years ago--speaking of smaller clothes:

I'm finally on the final hole of that belt I've written about before. When I first started this journey that belt was a good two to three inches from going all the way around me. Then I tried it one day and was able to use the very first hole. I remember what a victory that was. And now I'm down to the very last hole position. This belt is about ready to be retired! What a fantastic way to track progress, hole by hole! It's amazing how good this makes me feel. When I first bought that belt a year and a half ago. I really needed a belt and a few other items, so we drove all the way to Tulsa to the big and tall store. I bought a leather belt two-pack in the largest size they carried and when I tried it on it didn't even come close to fitting. I knew before I even tried that there was no way it would work. Lucky for me the other was a stretchable woven leather design and even though it was technically the same size as the first belt, I was able to stretch it to barely fit. So the little belt made it's way into the closet with the only hope of rescue resting on the possibility that I would someday lose enough weight to use it. I'm on the last hole of that little belt now baby! I get really excited sometimes! You can always tell because my use of exclamation points go through the roof!!!!

This is what it feels like to take a successful stand. Losing weight is such a rewarding experience with so many little victories along the way to that ultimate goal. It seems that I'm celebrating something new all the time. In fact, I think it's time for another Levi's shopping trip to Oklahoma City. I'm going to go for 48's this time. In case you're keeping track, that would be 14 sizes below my largest! I also need some smaller shirts and smaller everything else. There's nothing in my closet I can't wear now. The “someday I'll be able to wear that” items used to outnumber the big stuff two to one. I haven't really thought about buying new clothes just yet because I've still got a ways to go and I don't want to buy new stuff and then be too little for them in a month or two. But I'm going to have to buy some along the way, that's all there is to it! Clothes shopping was always a dreaded idea for me as long as I can remember. Now I look forward to the trip.

My dear Aunt Kelli has once again, uncovered some "lost" before photos that have just left me with my mouth hanging open. I'll write a caption below the one that really got to me recently. I never realized that I looked THAT big. Wow. Thank you Kelli!

And thank you for reading, giving me your support, and sharing your success with me! I want to hear about what you're experiencing! If you haven't already--Please, friend me on facebook!! You can search for me on facebook by using my email address seanboy105@hotmail.com
I've been horrible about updating my Twitter account. I swear--It's as easy as sending a text, but I can't seem to get in the habit. I'll work on that, deal?

Again--thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

The Lose To Win 2011 kick-off was at the new YMCA!

That's a bunch of Velveeta!

Oh my---yeah---This is a big before--but it's not the one that made me wince...this is:

I never realized I looked this big. Isn't that strange? How--despite mirrors, pictures, or reflections in windows--our image in our mind is most always better than reality? This picture really shocked me...and I have some pretty big before pictures. I can see that mom has lost a bunch of weight since, too!! Really--Go look at yourself now, momma!! We were both at our heaviest in this picture!!

Family photo. Irene and the girls. Oh, how I worried them--but I always tried to distract them with humor...thinking they wouldn't worry as much if they were laughing. They really weren't laughing too much inside---always worrying about me...They tell me, it was a constant.

With Amber on her 21st Birthday!!

With KL (Amber's boyfriend), Uncle Keith, and Amber--at her 21st birthday dinner!

With grandma and mom. I love these ladies!!!!

Day 827-835 Farewell 2010--You Were Incredible To Me, Plus Videos and Pictures!

2011-01-01T17:23:00.000-08:00

Day 827-835

Farewell 2010--You Were Incredible To Me, Plus Videos and Pictures!

2010 turned out to be an amazing year, indeed. I look back on everything that has happened and I feel a mixture of emotions. The good far outweighs the bad, but it isn't the "bad" that necessarily brings out a slight sadness. It's changes. So many changes, I lost count at some point. I just watched the video of me playing racquetball after losing just over 100 pounds and my bottom lip started to quiver with emotion. There I was, nearly 400 pounds at that point, and I was feeling better than ever. That was me. It's still me in many ways. When I watch that long and somewhat boring video--it's like looking at the old Sean, the Sean that's gone forever. Is that strange? To kind of, well, "mourn" the loss of the person I was? Even though the man I've become is far better off in numerous ways? I sometimes get too introspective for my own good, I think. But you know what? It really is all good. Being a normal size is a dream come true. Hitting a goal that I sometimes thought was unattainable, that, my friend---makes the entire year a shining success.

I'm forever changed in so many ways. It's like wearing a seat belt in the car. I automatically do it every time now, I buckle up with an effortless motion. At over five hundred pounds, I never put on a seat belt, ever. Most of the time, it simply wouldn't fit. Other times, the effort required was more than I cared to invest, even at the extreme cost of my personal safety. Many of the changes I've experienced, have become automatic--just like wearing that seat belt every time. And that feels very good.

Christmas 2010 was my third Christmas along this road. It was very strange to not have Amber with us (she opted to stay with her boyfriends family--and come home after Christmas), and having Christmas dinner with my girlfriend Karen AND Irene and her boyfriend Allen, was---well---slightly awkward. (If you asked Karen and Allen--probably Extremely Awkward!) We were all guest at my mom's place in Stillwater. As strange as that might sound to some, it isn't really. Irene and I have no ill will toward each other, we get along fine. It's a mutual understanding that divorce doesn't mean we're enemies. We have two beautiful daughters, who need two parents, like they've always had...and they still have that...we just live different lives in different households. It's about love, forgiveness, understanding, and a respectful consideration for each other. Let's talk about something else---because I'm walking that thin line of being too personal here...something I've done many times throughout this journey...But I don't necessarily regret that...It's that kind of transparency that has made this blog what it is today. It's a very real account of a consistent, positive effort--out of the trappings of morbid obesity, and into a new way of life on many different levels...and I'm proud of what it has meant to me and the opportunities it has provided.

Someone once asked me if I get paid from this blog, and if not, why do I put so much time and effort into these writings? (Keep in mind--the archives have nearly two years worth of daily post--nothing like the sporadic posting schedule of today) My answer to them was "no, I don't get paid." But that wasn't really true. It may not have provided a paycheck, but it has given me something far more valuable. Every time someone sends me a message telling me how these writings have helped them--that's my pay...and trust me, it feels so incredible to cash those "checks." And eventually, through books, speaking engagements, and other projects--I plan on making this world of weight loss, my career. It's my passion. I must!! So--no, I don't get paid to write this blog, but it's blessed me in many ways far beyond a paycheck.

My sleep lab study was horrible. It was easily the worst night I've had in a very long time. The good news is, I'll be getting the results soon---and with those results, a new CPAP and plan to be well rested in the coming year. I must be well rested--because we have lots to do!!

I'm looking forward to 2011. Oh my--I'm really looking forward to this year...wow. So many wonderful updates to come along the way, and I'll report them all right here. I sincerely thank you for reading and for giving me your support!

Instead of writing about some of the highlights from 2010, let's take a visual tour---below you'll find some video and pictures from a most amazing 2010. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

The sleep study. Very happy about getting this done...I needed it, big time!

With Courtney on Christmas Day

Dressed to brave the frigid temps for the Annual Anderson Family Christmas Day 5K! (it was just two of us Anderson men heading out there...and we were the ONLY PEOPLE on the lake. We couldn't believe it! It wasn't THAT cold. In this entire city, not one other soul was out on that trail...It was very strange. The other people were probably out there when the sun was shining---we waited until the temps chilled into the 20's with nightfall.

Something rare here---me wearing a hat. I'm not a hat person--but it was very important to wear one for this 5K--My ears thanked me for the warmth.

With Courtney and mom

My dear sweet mother! I love her!!

With my Aunt Kelli, Uncle Keith, Mom, and grandma

The freedom to fit on and ride a water craft like this---wow, it's one of the greatest feelings along this road.

I was still nearly 400 pounds here...it's very strange for me to watch this video...very.

Right before getting the "505" tattoo--Having second thoughts...

Getting the "505" tattoo.

The 2010 Lose To Win kick-off speaking engagement. I was so afraid I would crash on that bike. The door opening I rode through was a tight fit---and the floor was slick...it really could have been bad!!! ;) Choose change before change chooses you! Good times, indeed. And OK---the funeral at the start was dramatic--but seriously--that's exactly where I was headed...and it fit with my over-all theme.

This was from 2009--but I love this video---from after the YMCA Turkey Trot 10K---and seriously--If I can do it...You can too. Love it.

Big before picture---with my grandpa...Oh, how I wish he could have lived to see me finally do what he hoped and prayed I would someday.

Huge before shot...oh my...

Eating before a speaking engagement! Lasagna no less!! ;)

Certainly a highlight for me during 2010!

Oh my---wow...my least favorite before picture. But kind of funny...

The first time I ever had both, mom and dad, in the same room together. It was a very big moment for me in 2010.

With Amber!

Goal. Very sweet.

Love this before and after comparison picture.

Get ready, because 2011 is shaping up to be a monumental year!! I can't wait! My New Years Resolution is to be more organized--and hopefully that translates to more frequent updates on this blog!! Thank you for reading, watching, listening, and thank you for your support!

Day 814-826 Can't Ignore This Issue, One More Pound, The Tattoo Story, and More!

2010-12-23T19:06:00.000-08:00

Day 814-826

Can't Ignore This Issue, One More Pound, The Tattoo Story, and More!

This is way too long to go between blog updates. Oh my...wow. A record of sorts, that I'm certainly not happy about. I sincerely appreciate the support and understanding many of my friends have expressed during this incredibly busy time. Not only has it been busy, but I've been dealing with a medical issue that I've kept very quiet about.

The effects of sleep apnea have had a profound effect on me lately. My needs have obviously changed in regard to the settings of my old "sleep machine," and now--a restful nights sleep is hit and miss at best. I can't waste any more time and do any more damage to my internal organs before receiving proper treatment. I really thought that my sleep apnea was 100% caused by my obesity. And it's strange, because after losing the first 100 or so pounds, I was completely free to sleep---machine free, and feel completely rested every morning. But something changed. As I celebrated my freedom from this disorder and continued losing more weight, the symptoms came back. It was sometime after crossing the 200 pounds lost point, that I noticed the return of the old and familiar effects from this exhausting killer.

I'm happy to report: I'm scheduled for a sleep study on the night of December 30th. I cannot continue wishing it away or convincing myself that I can lay in a certain "symptom-free" position. The doctor said something I've been worrying about almost constantly since---He said that the return of my symptoms could have something to do with damage to my heart caused by my years of morbid obesity and the lack of oxygen as a result of sleep apnea. He almost ordered a stress test--but after listening to my heart, considering my exercise ability, and whatever else he took into consideration---He, we---decided to wait on that test. Instead--we're doing a sleep study. If you suffer from sleep apnea--trust me, it's nothing to mess around with...and in the spirit of 100% self-honesty--I've messed around with it a bunch lately. It's about time I do something positive to correctly treat the problem.

This is the worst possible time for me to feel like an exhausted wreck everyday. With my radio schedule and the manuscript weighing heavy on my plate--I must be alert and productive. I haven't been lately, at all. And my slow progress is proof.

I made my way to Stillwater to weigh-in the other day. I didn't make a big deal about it--It was just a check up for me. I've lost another pound, despite my beautiful grandmother's request that I "not lose another pound!" Sorry grandma---229 is what I weigh today.

I still have some weight/excess fat to lose and I'll naturally and gradually make my way to whatever that number will be. I also have some weight to gain---as in, with muscle--in the new weight training area of the YMCA. So really--the number isn't going to matter as much as how I feel and how my clothes fit my smaller body. If I'm fortunate enough to have excess skin removal surgery next year, that too will effect the number. But again---I can't get focused on a number, ever. It's not about that now.

I've allowed myself "extra" calories over the course of the last month---gradually increasing to about 1800 per day. Some days I do, some I don't. It just depends. I still find myself spending way too many calories on loose snacks in the kitchen at the studio. The other day, I consumed about 350 calories worth of pretzels and nuts. That's a little much. The solution?: Preparedness. I simply need to make a point of stocking the kitchen with the kind of snacks I enjoy so I'll feel good about the calorie investment I'm making.

You want to hear a very cool story?

In March, Amber and I traveled to this tattoo shop in Southern Kansas to get our very first tattoos. My "505" tattoo is obviously very important to me--and it has been a wonderful experience to have and show people---especially people that never knew me at 505. It's certainly a conversation piece. Well--now the story gets even better.

The incredibly talented tattoo artist that evening was assigned probably one of the easiest tattoos he's ever completed. "505," nothing fancy--simple block numbers, that's all I wanted--and honestly, all I needed. He was a heavy man himself--I really liked him, and he was of course, interested in the story behind the number. So I told him all about my weight loss and this blog. We had a wonderful conversation about weight loss and our experiences with losing and gaining weight over the years. I'm sure that if we had talked longer, we would have found much more in common...a bunch more, no doubt.

He completed the tattoo and we were on our way. I ran into him not long ago at a remote broadcast and he told me that he was losing weight by eating wonderfully and exercising regularly. I think he had lost about seventy-something pounds at that point. Well--now--it's time for an update:

A recent message from my tattoo artist friend: "Great news to report!!! In the last 6 months, thanks to diet and exercise, I've lost over 140lbs!!!! Feels amazing!!!!! Thanks for the inspiration my friend!!!"

He's out there being consistent in every way---he's redefining his relationship with food and he's exercising everyday. He's taking back control of his life and leaving obesity behind. Talk about choosing change!! I had to ask him the question. Will he get a special tattoo someday, inspired by his amazing weight loss? His answer:

"Yes, a tattoo is definitely in order once I hit my target weight!!! I started at 460lbs, my goal is to get down to 200lbs. Just too feel this great again totally outweighs any desire to eat "bad food"!!! I feel so alive!!!"

I love that story. Thank you, my friend for allowing me to share.

I was back in the archives tonight--reading from December 2008, when I ran across this excerpt:

I was fasting overnight in preparation for my blood work today. By the time I arrived at the doctors office it was nearly noon. Lucky for me they got what they needed on the first stick. The other day they stuck me several times to no avail. While they were at it they decided to give me an EKG. My heart rate was 59. They said between 60 and 80 is perfect. They also said it wasn't a big deal that mine was 59, in fact the EKG looked great. The blood work was going to take a couple of hours to get back from their lab. That gave me a little time to think.

“What if my numbers are bad?” I thought. I don't know how they could be, since they were pretty good to begin with. I seem to never pass up an opportunity to worry about something, even if there's no immediate reason for concern. When I made the call for the results I was very happy at what I heard. My cholesterol was in the 180's before I started losing weight, and that was good. Now my cholesterol has dropped nearly 40 points to a super nice level of 147. It's nothing more than a genetics blessing. Like I've said before, except for the last 103 days, I've done everything in my power to give me horrible cholesterol. I'm just real fortunate to have a 147. My triglycerides were 102, anything below 150 is good. My blood sugar was 99, well below the 119 limit of normal. My LDL was 96, under 130 is great. And my Vldl was 20, which is in range. I guess “in range” is good. They said everything was in range, just perfect. How crazy is that?

I told you, I've been hiding an athlete under all this fat! I had to lay down and pull my shirt up for the EKG. It gave me a perfect opportunity to ask a question I'd been real concerned about.

A month or so ago I was laying down on my bed feeling my ribs. I'd never done that before. I came across a hard bump at the base of my rib cage where the two sides meet. It was very hard, a bone no doubt, but it was sticking up a little. I immediately wondered if this was normal. So there with my shirt up laying on the table at the doctors office, I had my chance to find out. “Is this normal?” “Uh, yes, that's your sternum.” OK, wow, silly me, of course. I was hiding a sternum in there all this time, I just never could feel it, or bothered to notice. I wonder what else I'll notice as the weight continues to melt? I might end up having a tail bone, that would be cool.

By the way, the doctor I mentioned on day 2 of this blog, you know the one that brought me to tears while describing how easily I could die at over 500 pounds? She was there today. When I saw her I proclaimed, “there's the doctor that scared the heck out of me not too long ago.” She smiled and said “It worked didn't it?” Yes, it did, and it's continuing to work everyday. She was just brutally honest, and I'm thankful for that honesty and thorough description of what my insides were going through at over 500 pounds. I'll never forget her. She really made a difference in me.

Since that day---I've discovered a tail bone, a bunch of ribs, and hip bones too! I'm thrilled!!!

AOL's www.thatsfit.com has included me in an "update" story. I'm in wonderful company too. If you check out the link below--be sure to read all of them if you can---including the entries featuring my friends Jack, Lyn, and Susan!! Here's the link: http://www.thatsfit.com/2010/12/14/best-weight-loss-success-stories-of-2010/

The Ponca City News just released a wonderful write up all about me hitting my goal. The story was such an awesome blessing. A big thank you to Beverly Bryant and the PCN!! If you live outside of my local area--you can still read the article by clicking the special link below. The story is on two different pages of the below Ponca City news PDF link. The front page of section C---and then scroll down to page 3C for the rest of the story---including an extensive question and answer interview segment. Here's the link: http://www.poncacity.com/news/docs/mw/mw.pdf By the way--This PDF link will only be available for a week---so if it's after the 29th, it's probably not active.

I recently received a message from a gentleman who just started his own weight loss blog. It turns out, we have much in common. Please check out his blog if you have the time! The address: www.505point8.com That's right---he started at 505 too!!!

I sincerely wish you a warm and safe Christmas with plenty of everything you need. Peace, love, family, and friends. Thank you for reading. I've promised myself that I will not go so long again without posting something...after all--Not every post needs to be a giant post. Look for an after-Christmas post coming soon. I have four days off in a row---and I'm looking forward to every single minute. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Recent picture with my youngest daughter Courtney. She's doing so well!!! Love you sweety!!!

This is a big before picture--Over 500 pounds---at Christmas 2007!!

Day 805-813 Size 54 Jeans Seemed So Small, A New Relationship With Food, and "Wow" Reactions!

2010-12-10T19:54:00.000-08:00

Day 805-813

Size 54 Jeans Seemed So Small, A New Relationship With Food, and "Wow" Reactions!

A friend of mine sent me a big box of jeans recently. Really nice jeans too! Even a pair of size 32 Lucky Jeans. I'm wondering if he meant to send those. It might take some time, workouts, and maybe excess skin removal surgery to wear them--but I think they just became my "one of these days" jeans. It was a generous gift, indeed. And perhaps I can pass along the favor to someone else someday. I will, absolutely!

Speaking of new jeans. In the archives on Day 85, December 8th, 2008---I found this excerpt, all about getting into smaller jeans. "Smaller," being size 54's:

"Today has been a really long day. It started at 5am and it's not over yet! Kelli and I went to Oklahoma City, Kelli for a birth certificate, I was driving Kelli, and since I was down that way picked up a pair of Levis at the Big and Tall store. The other day I predicted that I would fit into a mens 54. After picking out a few 54's and a couple 56's, I went in to the dressing room to get some proof positive results! I tried on the Levis 560 54 inch waist first. And from the moment they buttoned and zipped without trouble, I knew they were the ones. Eighty-Five days ago I was a size 60 or 62, then I nailed the guess the other day! And these will only cover my hide for a very short time, I know, but it felt so good to get into them comfortably. I immediately ripped off all the tags, put on my shoes, and made my way to the checkout with the jeans I wore in the store bundled in my hand. I was buying these jeans. And I wasn't even going to take them off for the ride home. They were mine. They felt good, they were Levis! It's been a while since I could fit into Levis comfortably. On the way out of the store I gave a little wink to the 36's on the top shelf, as if to say... “I'll be back for you someday soon!” And I will! I wonder what that will feel like? I can't wait to find out! Before that triumphant jean buying trip, I'll buy bigger sizes along the way, sure. Size 42 will be a milestone size. That's the size I was wearing in 9th grade. I'm really not that far away!! It felt so good to wear those jeans out of the store, I didn't even notice how tired I was."

Now, after losing 275 pounds, and having a pair of size 36 Levis that fit nicely--It's very cool to read that excerpt and realize: I buy jeans from the top shelf now, you know...where they keep the smaller sizes! I love it!

I've had several emails asking me about my plan for maintenance. Like everything else along this road, I'm gradually getting there. I'm not quite ready for maintenance just yet. BUT---I am slowly increasing my calories. My budget is flexible now, anywhere between 1500 and 1800 is fine with me. I must say though, there are days when I still have trouble hitting 1500. Let me explain, because for some, that must sound really annoying to read. I have become very practiced at getting the most bang for my calorie "buck," and that natural tendency to trim calories where I can is kind of hard to shake. Instead of an egg white omelet, it's OK to throw in a whole egg, maybe two sometimes. I can add a little cheese to that baked potato. I can "afford" to spend a little more occasionally, on things I would normally trim or delete. The bottom line is this: I'm just eating like a normal person, not like a food addict. I no longer depend on food to make me happy. I make me happy, not ice cream or gravy. Food is good. I love food, always will. But food and I have a new and wonderful relationship that isn't dysfunctional. And it's something I never really thought possible, but now I know it is, because I'm living it everyday.

An example of this new understanding between food and me was very clear just last weekend at a wonderful place called: (Cue scary music) The Cheesecake Factory!!! I did my research going in, and really--I didn't like what I discovered. Their menu is loaded at almost every turn. Even things that look and sound innocent enough, must be prepared with butter, grease, and heavy cream, because the calorie counts are anything but innocent. I was really shocked. I was surprised too, about the cheesecake. A big regular slice was just over 700 calories, slightly under 360 for half--and that's what I did, half. It was a bit more calories than I normally "invest" in dessert, but that's just something that happens sometimes. I need to make that a t-shirt: Cheesecake--It happens, sometimes...was it good?

Yes --It was by far the best cheesecake I've ever consumed!! Before the cheesecake, we enjoyed a meal. The strategy was simple: Karen and I would share a meal. We picked something good, that didn't seem too loaded. We would be guesstimating at best, because the pecan crusted catfish was a "special of the day," and not a part of the calorie counts I found online. And oh, by the way--the calorie counts I found online were from a person in the Northwestern United States, a place where calorie counts are required by law, who took digital pictures of the entire menu--with calorie counts. The eleven ounce catfish fillet was "crusted," but seared, then baked. I had half--along with half a serving of the potatoes (which qualified as a regular serving) and half the corn succotash. I'm confident my plate was under 600 calories...add the calories of the cheesecake, and this was easily a thousand calorie expenditure. But it wasn't three or four thousand calories--and I think Old Sean could have made it that way. I had managed my calories a little short earlier in the day, just for this trip. That's not always the best thing to do metabolism wise, but it's something normal people do. "I knew we were going out later, so I had a light lunch." See--completely normal rationale.

I experienced a couple of "wow" reactions recently, that really left me feeling wonderful. I just love running into people I haven't been around in over two years. The only thing recognizable about me, is my voice. That's it! And often times, that's what is said: "If I hadn't heard you speak, I wouldn't have known it was you!" I really enjoyed this one: "Sean, is that you??? How much weight have you lost, dear Lord---look at you!" Yeah--that was very cool. I NEVER, never, never get tired of those...ever.

I'm continuing to work on the manuscript for my first book, "Finding Transformation Road," a weight loss memoir that chronicles the road to and from over five hundred pounds. I sometimes wish I could share some of it with you here, but I can't. I'm so excited, because it's really been a positive experience. I can't wait for you to read this---If you have enjoyed reading this blog from Day 1, then you'll appreciate this upcoming book.

I've allowed my work schedule combined with my sometimes poor sleeping schedule, to effect my writing schedule this week, but I'm always mindful of what pays the bills at this point in my life, and that's my broadcasting career. I still struggle with getting enough quality sleep, and that's not good at all. I must also remember--sleep deprivation can have horrible effects on ones health and well being---including metabolism!!

I try to post regularly on my facebook page. I enjoy the dialogue that sometimes develops along a comment thread. You can learn some very good information! And often times--people who have opened their own "Calorie Bank and Trust," post updates on my wall---and it just absolutely thrills me!!! If we're not facebook friends--then please, by all means---search for me on facebook and friend me!!! I'm listed under my email: seanboy105@hotmail.com

To the kind and caring friend that reminded me that "there's no room for vanity in heaven." I say this: I've spent my entire life hating the way I looked, feeling like the ugliest person in every room, feeling like a freak because of my morbid obesity. Even now, I'm still highly insecure about how I look in so many ways. So, I appreciate the loving guidance and intent--but I will not apologize for kind of liking the new me. Call it vanity if you wish, whatever. I've been very blessed along this road, and I give thanks everyday---in between taking new pictures, of course. I'm kidding. Seriously---I never forget from where I've come. That's exactly why I have my "505" tattoo. It reminds me everyday...and that's good.

Thank you for reading, my friend...seriously, thank you! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

I love my tattoo!

At over 500 pounds!

Photo courtesy of Cathy Cole!

My "Speedracer" jacket...

I found these amazing ice cream bars from Breyers--for only 130 calories each!!! Love 'em!!!

The pecan crusted catfish dinner from The Cheesecake Factory--as served.

My half was plenty of food--very nice!

Homemade beef tacos and homemade guacamole---almost qualifies as a salad...almost.