Day 161 New "Little" Jeans and Getting Out Of A Bad Relationship

Day 161

New “Little” Jeans and Getting Out Of A Bad Relationship

In yesterdays blog I forgot to mention that I bought a new pair of jeans yesterday. On the way back from OU I had a chance to stop by the Big and Tall store. They send me catalogs and special coupons all the time, I can't wait until the day I can call them and say, “I no longer have a need for your store—Please stop filling my mailbox!” I seem to have a really good sense about exactly what size I need, it's really strange. Last time I purchased jeans, I fit into the first pair I grabbed, a size 54. That may sound big, but I was wearing 60 and 62's at 505 lbs. Yesterday I felt like 50 was the size I needed right now. But I also know that I'm losing weight everyday, so I said a dramatic goodbye to the 50's and bigger and went straight for the 48's. Remember, I haven't been in any thing less than a 50 waist since I was a teenager. So this is a big milestone, or uh, it will be here in a couple to three weeks. I didn't try these on because I was in a hurry to get back, and when I got home and took them out of the bag my first thought out loud was “these are really little.” They look so little in comparison with my “fattest jeans.” I decided to try them on anyway to see how far I needed to go. They are just a tiny bit from fitting. A touch, or a tad. Size 50's would have fit perfect and these will too in a few weeks, maybe less. I already gave my over-dramatic-triumphant farewell speech to the size 50's and bigger, I can't go back now!

I spent some time this morning putting more songs on my iPod. I can't believe I worked out in silence for the first three and a half months of this journey! The music has made a significant difference in the mood of my workout. I look forward to working out now, where before I just knew it was absolutely necessary, so I got in there and got it done. Even in my no-music workout days, after you get into the workout, it feels great, but with your favorite music playing in your head it's so much better! I use two different kinds of music. Music that has a beat and a rhythm that compliments my physical movement, and music that I select based on lyrical content that fits my emotional movement. You see, it's all about movement. My latest kick is listening to empowering songs of love gone bad and moving on from it...I direct that lyrical energy to my excess weight. It sounds crazy but really, it pumps me up! Did I ever “love” morbid obesity? No, it's been an unhealthy-unloving abusive relationship the entire time. But I was too scared of the changes and bravery leaving would require and I just couldn't find the strength to leave for good until now. I guess the turning point was when I realized that morbid obesity not only didn't love me, it was doing it's best to slowly kill me! That revelation was and always should be a relationship deal breaker.

My workout tonight was a tough one. I pushed myself out there. I wanted to feel the burn hard and see how long and how far I could push. I didn't start jogging, but that was not far off the pace I was maintaining. It was a pace that had me completely exhausted after two miles. Even though it was 1.1 miles short of a 5K, it was better than any 5K walk I've completed to date. One of the things I'm really careful about is not getting hurt. If you've read from the beginning of this blog, you know I've gradually increased my workouts. I started out doing as much as I could without hurting myself. I just listen to my body, I know my limits. If I feel I'm pushing too hard, I let up a little.

I fell asleep today without my CPAP mask and ended up napping great. Of course I'll continue using the machine until a doctor tells me I no longer need the assistance. Being able to breathe enough to sleep comfortably without snoring one little bit is an amazing progression on this journey. The health benefits are just amazing. My right leg that has always had trouble draining lymphatic fluid is so dramatically improved. Unwrapped, the swelling never gets out of control like before. And with the proper low-stretch wraps in place, you can't even see a difference in size from the right to the left. It's such a blessing and relief to me. And what's even better? I'm not even half way done! Everyday is like Christmas. What other wonderful health benefits will I discover next? We'll find out together! Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean