Every weekend I tell myself I'll get it done and every weekend we get to this point and it isn't done. I'm writing about the list of things I can do to enhance what I'm already doing. It's like having a demented coach inside my head, pushing me further and never letting well enough be good enough. This internal dialogue is baloney because I am doing well and it is good enough.
I planned on doing some precooking, design a vision board, look into what I need to do to get a weekly podcast started and dive into building a do-it-yourself website for a domain I've had reserved for the last two years. I could really be hard on myself right now. But you know what? Nah...I'm good. No more of that stuff.
When the road is smooth and it seems like I'm on cruise control with food, exercise and the mental/emotional elements--my brain suddenly tries to take everything up a few notches. If we can do this, then we can also do this and that--and oh, here's an idea!! Settling down and just being okay is something that takes effort. It's like I'm scared of losing what I'm experiencing, so I automatically go into overdrive.
Instead of beating myself up for not accomplishing certain tasks this weekend, I'm patting myself on the back for being okay. Because things have been very okay lately. I'm proud of myself. I'm grateful. I'm okay.
For quite some time the internal voice was telling me that this "okay" would be impossible to feel again. I was convinced the voice was right, but still I kept having periods of fighting followed by periods of not caring, then fighting--and back and forth. A Tweet from Ralph Marston hit me square today:
What you fight against, fights back. What you embrace, you can influence and control.
— Ralph Marston (@ralphmarston) June 21, 2014
Ralph Marston is one of my favorite philosophers. You can see more of his work and subscribe to his site at www.greatday.com Check out Ralph's Monday June 23rd entry on his website titled "Peace and Quiet." Yes sir, Mr. Marston, I'm sincerely applying a healthy appreciation for peace and quiet. A coincidence he would have that message on his site when I'm experiencing the same dynamics. It's so fascinating how we often read or hear what we need at precisely the right time. You know what I mean?
I enjoyed cooking breakfast and lunch today. I accepted an invitation from a friend for dinner. The menu was something I could do. While there, I traded services: I mowed the lawn and in exchange had my uni-brow waxed and eye brows trimmed and of course the dinner. I didn't immediately think of mowing as exercise, but why not?? It was a push mower and I was sweating! I decided to enter it into MyFitnessPal and yes, it was listed. According to MFP, I burned over 400 calories in the short 30 minute mowing. I was happy to do it. And my wildly hairy eyebrows look and feel much better now. In 20 to 30 years, I will have eye brows like the late great Andy Rooney, that is, if I don't stay on top of them! It's actually a blessing and I'm grateful for my good hair genes.
This weekend has been a wonderful experience. I took advantage of the schedule-less time and got plenty of much needed rest. Did I do everything I wanted to do this weekend? No. And I'm glad I didn't.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
YES! When nothing we do is 'good enough', I think we are falling into the addict mindset again....we can become addicted to anything. Good job...as Carla says "Do what you can, when you can." And love yourself while doing it. Speak kindly of your efforts, tell the truth and move on through. Loving ourselves is a huge win for both of us You know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteLetting go of the maniacal Marine sargeant in my head is one of the things I'm learning to do as I get older. Though not quite 100% I'm definitely getting better at it. Afterwards when I'm rested and feeling so much better I always wonder why I don't act like this more often. I supposed just like everything else in this life it's all about finding balance, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this! It is very scary for me to just settle in and enjoy the "everything is really ok" feeling without having to push for more.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, as always! :)
Hmmm. Interesting. Thinking this one over.
ReplyDeleteThat whole, "If we can do this, then we can also do this and that--and oh, here's an idea!!" sounds awfully familiar. expecially the, "Oh, here's an idea!" Hmmm
There was a time, when I had a lot of things going on, that I made the conscious decision to accept the concept of "good enough." It was a realization that kind of crept up on me. The idea that not everything had to be "excellent," but that there really was a space where good enough was...well...good enough. Preferable, even. Which made it excellent, after all.
I'm pretty sure that somewhere between driven and negligent, lies the soul-soothing space of good enough. No matter what that inernal voice says...
Thanks, Sean.
Deb
Oh. I'm having trouble with my blog's reading list. Only one post is visible on my dashboard at a time. Whoever writes the last post, is the only post I have. To see other posts, I have to go to the blog list on the left and click on the specific blog. Just letting you know in case your comments are fewer than usual. It seems that a lot of bloggers are experiencing the problem.
I'm having the same problem!! ;) Only 1 showing... Oh wow, I love what you just wrote: "I'm pretty sure that somewhere between driven and negligent, lies the soul-soothing space of good enough. No matter what that inernal voice says..." Somewhere between driven and neglect....nice place to be!!
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