January 8th, 2017 Not Too Proud Of Me

January 8th, 2017 Not Too Proud Of Me

I've been really self-involved today. I've been physically ill over what happened during breakfast. I swallowed a crown! My reaction was one of panic--immediately trying to make it come back up, if you know what I mean--and then transitioned to needing to go back to bed, pull the covers up and hope it was just a bad dream.

Eventually, after talking with a few family members and friends--I made it to the point of being able to smile and laugh at the circumstance. I had a good conversation tonight with a fantastic support friend--and she reminded me once again--this wasn't the end of the world. This can be and will be fixed.

I went grocery shopping this evening. I said a little prayer on the way in--please don't let me run into anyone--just once, not this time. I rarely go anywhere around here without seeing someone I know. And this trip would be no exception. Yep--face to face, an old friend of mine. Uhg... Oh well-- I need to get over myself.

So--that's been me today. Self-involved, pity party, sad-- vain... all those things... I'm human.

I didn't react to this the way I wish I would have. I really retreated into myself. I kept very minimal contact with support, giving or receiving--and basically, I just did the minimum I could do today.

I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I met my daily water goal. And I stayed connected with good support--but not as well as I do on a normal day.

I'll just be honest with you--I'm straight up embarrassed and ashamed of how I reacted to this situation. I'm not too proud of me. Is there a hole in my smile?? Yes. Am I concerned about how this gets fixed? Of course. Is it the end of the world? No. Am I blessed beyond measure? Yes.

There are people--some in my own circle, who are dealing with much greater issues--and handling it much better than anyone could possibly expect.

I need to revisit my gratitude list tonight. I lost touch with it for much of today. Again, human.

I've taken off work tomorrow--only partly because of this crown situation. I'm also taking mom to a doctor's appointment in Stillwater. I pick up mom at 10am for her 11:15am appointment.

One thing is certain: Sacrificing the integrity of my food plan wasn't the answer today. And that's a wonderful thing.

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean