Yesterday was a 5-star day: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I enjoyed a good elliptical workout, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.
I made it to the RecPlex yesterday afternoon before making my way over to pick up mom for our Sunday outing. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner, conversation, and a nice drive after dinner. We talked about our shared love of music. I turned the radio up and mom started singing along. It's strange, but I don't ever remember seeing or hearing my mom sing. It was a beautiful thing to witness. She was in a good mood and enjoying our visit--plus, she's clearly feeling much better.
During times of intense struggle, especially back in my 500-pound days, I often proclaimed how I "know what to do." My friend Jordan, who's lost an incredible amount of weight with a recovery perspective, has referred to the words, "I know" as the two words that almost killed him. I can totally relate to him. I really didn't know what to do back then or I would have done it. "I know," for me, became the shut-off valve for any kind of positive change.
The problem I believe was pride. I've always considered myself to be somewhat intelligent and articulate. Those two things have helped me in my career path. But my pride for those things almost killed me, too. Things didn't start changing until I stopped long enough to study and listen to people who had what I wanted. Suddenly, I started learning. Suddenly I realized that I clearly didn't know. I also realized that not knowing didn't mean I wasn't smart. It didn't mean I was stupid. It didn't mean I was morally flawed.
Now, what I know and what I thought I knew back then are two very different things.
I know I'm a food addict. I know food addiction is a disease determined to eventually kill me. I know that when I'm practicing my daily plan and I'm doing well and feeling well, my disease is in the prison yard lifting weights and getting much stronger--just waiting for me to sign its release papers. I know that my challenge each day is to give this daily practice of things the reverence it requires to keep me safe and well.
I don't diet. Diets are made to be casually broken. I must live within this ever-evolving practice, leaning toward a recovery perspective because doing that helps keep me consistent and well.
It's up to me to continue creating the practice of things that best fit me, that way it can be something I'm able to embrace, long-term.
Sustainable, long-term...that's what I want. I know a lot of people that have it. 20 years, 25 years, 30 years of maintaining a healthy body weight. I want what they have, so I'm willing to study what they do, listen to what they say, and do my best to apply those things in my practice.
Often times, intelligence becomes a barrier keeping us from grasping the most simplistic ideas, philosophies, and perspectives. Certainly, it's human nature to complicate. Isn't that an interesting compliment? Think about it...If you're struggling it might just be because you're super-intelligent!!
If we know it all, already, why do we need to consider and appreciate new perspectives?
I DO NOT know it all—and I'm always learning, with an open mind. I'm a student of the experience.
I've studied for over a decade and I still don't "got it." I never will get it and that's okay. I've written it and said it many times: I believe with every fiber of my being if I ever reach the point where I somehow believe there's nothing left to learn along this road--that'll be the beginning of the end. We don't become experts, we simply become experienced.
All I have is a daily practice, one day at a time, of boundaries and intentional actions.
If I start sacrificing the integrity of this ever-evolving daily practice, I'll slowly but surely, and sometimes quickly, give it all back. The cost of sacrificing my daily practice of things is freedom-mentally, emotionally, and physically. That's too high!
My new website is coming this week! Yay!
I'm all about self-love and acceptance, as long as it doesn't become a convenient excuse/rationalization for inaction. I “loved” myself for years, and I embraced morbid obesity and the behaviors that kept me in a place of acceptance—a place determined to eventually kill me. One of the greatest expressions of self-love is exploring and accepting the power we hold, to choose change—once and for all, like never before.
Do you own an "I'm Choosing Change" wristband? This wristband can serve as a powerful awareness/mindfulness tool! It certainly does for me. I wear mine proudly, daily, and more and more people are joining me in this movement! Email me and let me know if you want one. I'll send you a secure $15 PayPal invoice and personally ship it to you right away! transformation.road@gmail.com
Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
Sean
If you're interested in connecting via social media:
I accept friend requests on MyFitnessPal. My daily food logging diary is set to public.
MFP Username: SeanAAnderson
My Twitter: SeanAAnderson
Facebook: www.facebook.com/seananderson505
Instagram: SeanAAnderson
Also--I'd love you to subscribe to my podcast Transformation Planet! You can find it in Apple Podcasts, in the Google Play store for Android, and listed wherever you find your favorite podcasts! If you haven't listened before, you'll find 20 episodes waiting for you!
Questions or comments? Send an email! transformation.road@gmail.com
I really appreciate this insight. When you share you process in holding the rails, it's helpful to me.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
-Chris
I am once again approaching my goal weight, what is this—The fourth time? In only the last 10 years. Prior to that I weighed over 300 lbs for 30 years. And I’m telling myself that this is the last regain I will ever have to lose. I have found a treasure trove of low WW point recipes from WW Pound Dropper and with the help of these, I really think this time I can maintain. Some of the ingredients are pricy but I’m worth it. My health is worth it. My life is definitely worth it. “Food addiction is a disease determined to ultimately kill me.” Such a powerfully true statement. I am equally as determined as my addiction this time. At least I hope I am. Great blog today. Glad your Mom feels good enough to sing. That made me smile.
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