Since our last edition, I've maintained the integrity of my food plan boundaries, I've remained refined sugar-free, I've met or exceeded my daily water goal, and I've stayed well connected with exceptional support.
My location broadcast yesterday took me back to a town forty-five miles from here, where I lived and worked twenty-five years ago. I'm occasionally booked for a broadcast at a car dealership there. The memories that get triggered in this familiar environment are like glimpses of Christmas's past. Vivid memories, like ghosts of "old" Sean in the familiar haunts of my 500-pound days. Everywhere I looked, I was mentally transported to that long ago existence.
The restaurants, the binge places, the drive-thrus, the convenience store where I'd load up on insane amounts of sugar each morning on my way to the studio--they're all there, looking the same as they did all those years ago. I saw the walking trail where I embarked on a weight loss attempt in the mid 90's that seemed very promising, yet ended abruptly with an epic binge episode that immediately transformed me back into my old, familiar, and deeply ingrained behaviors.
I didn't know what I didn't know.
I was completely oblivious to my disease of food addiction/compulsive overeating--lost in deep denial, still believing my solution was out there somewhere in the latest and greatest diet--and often entertaining my fantasy for some kind of obesity cure being formulated in a medical lab. I was desperate but unwilling and incapable of getting honest about my behaviors. The compulsions lived and thrived in me like a rogue computer program for which I had zero control.
How I survived those days without tragically succumbing to the enormous pressure of my obesity is truly a divine miracle. I was playing Russian roulette in the food with absolutely no idea, consideration, or appreciation of time and consequences. How or why I've been blessed with the time to reach a point of willingness, openness, and self-honesty needed to develop this daily practice, is beyond me. Others didn't get that time. The tragic demise of so many before me was always a shocking, sobering reminder--serving as a ghost of Christmas's to come if something didn't change. The gratitude I feel for the gift and grace of time is immense. When I think of those lost along the way, a measure of survivor's guilt vibrates through my brain. When it does, I do my best to transfer that energy over to the importance level; the reverence I must apply to this daily practice of things.
I'm never "out of the woods." This is never automatic. I'm not cured. I'm perfectly capable of taking a sudden and deep dive into the dark recesses of my disease. However bleak that reads, it's not so much. Just like somebody living with an incurable illness, who takes medication enabling them to live a long, productive, and happy life, I must continue a willingness to wake up each day and embrace the pillars of this ever-evolving daily practice. One day at a time, right? Yes. And if I do, then I can live, love, and continue in the blessings of my gratitude. There's tremendous hope to go around; promises of mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical freedoms ahead, for me, for you. I find it interesting how the physical really and truly becomes the least of it all. That's what I've found because I've learned along this road, we can get to a healthy body weight range and still feel as empty, obsessed, and compelled as we ever were, back in the days of those old familiar haunts.
-----------------
I enjoyed a good visit with mom last night. She continues to improve and hopefully, she'll get cleared to get out and about for family gatherings and Christmas happenings over the next few days. I believe she will.
My original plan last night was to come home and prepare a good dinner--but after a long day, I was getting too tired, so I opted for a meal out. I needed rest and was uncharacteristically in bed by 10pm on a Saturday night. I woke at 3:30am, tossed and turned--and finally decided to hop up for an early start. I have the luxury of a relaxed schedule today, so more rest just might happen at any time! I'm sure it will.
I finally broke down and upgraded my phone the other night. My old phone was long ago paid for and I was trying to get as much mileage out of it as possible. I even paid forty dollars to have the battery and charging port replaced in an effort to get a couple more years out of it--but nope...the camera recently started going wonky on me--and I use the camera a lot. And so, I reluctantly did the upgrade plan offered by my carrier. I'm glad I did. I use my device for a lot of things. Better pictures and videos will be a part of this upgrade experience! The final straw for me was not being able to get decent pictures or video of my grandson Noah in his school's Christmas program.
One last thing about yesterday's location broadcast...upon my arrival, I was generously offered bunches of free food. I'll spare you the specific details--but rest assured two major trigger foods were part of this hospitable gesture. I'm immensely grateful for the neutrality I felt in that situation yesterday. It was truly a gift. For an added measure of defense, I shared the circumstance via text with a few directly plus a private social media posting. One of my close text supports replied, "They want to make you happy, but your happiness comes from another place." Indeed.
Instagram Accountability Posts:
Do you own an "I'm Choosing Change" wristband? I wear mine daily as a constant reminder of why my daily practice of things is important. I'm not alone, either. This powerful message is worn on the wrists of people in a dozen states, maybe more, I haven't counted--but it's up there!! From New York to California and from Canada all the way to Scotland, they're out there! For me, it's simply a daily reminder to be open, willing, mindful, to pause, and to be intentional. If I'm not those things, I get stuck at the line of least resistance and back there is where the old patterns and behaviors thrive. Your order includes priority shipping so you'll get it quickly! Here's the link to order yours right now: https://imchoosingchange.com/product/wristband/
My website shares a phone number with my podcast, Transformation Planet, and it's always available for you! Have a question? Want to share your story? Leave a voicemail or Text me! 580-491-2228 I'll text you back!
Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
Sean
My website: www.imchoosingchange.com
If you're interested in connecting via social media:
I accept friend requests on MyFitnessPal. My daily food logging diary is set to public.
MFP Username: SeanAAnderson
My Twitter: SeanAAnderson
Facebook: www.facebook.com/seananderson505
Instagram: SeanAAnderson
Also--I'd love you to subscribe to my podcast Transformation Planet! You can find it in Apple Podcasts, in the Google Play store for Android, and listed wherever you find your favorite podcasts! If you haven't listened before, you'll find 20 episodes waiting for you!
Questions or comments? Send an email! transformation.road@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment
I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for your support!