Since our last edition, I've maintained the integrity of my food plan boundaries, I've remained refined sugar-free, I've met or exceeded my daily water goal, and I've stayed well connected with exceptional support.
The outpouring of support for my mom via prayers and messages across all platforms has been a beautiful blessing over the last 36 hours. Thank you, sincerely. Mom is responding very well to treatment! I can't say enough good things about the critical care unit at our hospital. They're the best. They're very clear and concise about their plan of action--and just like previous hospitalizations, it makes an immediate and positive impact for mom. Every time the fluid in her lungs and body build, the c02 builds, and the oxygen struggles to properly absorb and oxygenate her vital organs; it starts with a slow progression--then suddenly, as if she just crested a hill, it goes very quickly, rapidly declining. When that part of the rollercoaster happens, that's when the nursing home knows she's got to go to the hospital, and quickly. It's a dodging a bullet type of situation with every single visit to that ER. And as the ER doctor grimly pointed out, it's a measure or two worse each time.
The question seems to always be the same at this point. What can be done to prevent this from getting to this point again? The truth is, mom's nursing home staff are doing everything they can to help keep her as well as possible. They're amazing. They're following doctor's orders and doing the things that give her the best chance--the breathing treatments, the CPAP therapy, the physical therapy--and sadly, they're often battling resistance from mom. This isn't a knock on my precious momma, she simply doesn't realize or in ways is incapable of realizing the importance of actively participating in her own care---and a lot plays into that; including depression, confusion, and what seems to be dementia-like symptoms.
I keep going back to the clarification the doctor provided Wednesday evening. This doesn't get better or healed. It becomes progressively worse. A few hospitalizations ago, it was mentioned how mom is a shallow breather and her strength to properly and fully exhale, expelling the c02 from her lungs, just isn't there. My initial reaction to that is, okay--then she needs to intentionally focus on breathing deeply and exhaling fully. But it isn't that simple. The "progressively worse" part of this is the shrinking of her airways. It's as if she's breathing through an extra-wide straw. The straw is progressively getting smaller. Eventually, it'll be like trying to breathe through a coffee stirrer. In the meantime, the treatments and everything they do for her are done with the hopes of giving her some temporary relief each day and effectively prolonging this progressive decline. Mom's brother, my Uncle Keith, pointed out how this was the same thing that affected their mom, my grandma. Grandma made it another ten years after initial scares like mom has experienced and is experiencing.
I spent a lot of time with mom yesterday. Unlike Wednesday, she was fairly alert and able to talk. There's a lot of confusion; not knowing where she is and why she's there, and questions like, "what happened?" "What did I do?" And "Can we go out to dinner tonight?" You're in the Critical Care Unit at the hospital mom, I can't break you out of here for dinner at Los Portalis!
Out of all the standup performances I've had over the years, I've never had as good a laugher as my mom. She gets my sense of humor very well. I was so happy to bring a smile to her face and several laughs out of her yesterday, despite the circumstances. Seeing her smile and hearing her laugh are two of my favorite things in this world.
As far as my personal plan of self-care, it gets tightened in times like these. At least, that's the hope and prayer, one day at a time. It certainly isn't an automatic response. I spent too many years completely unraveling into the food during exceptionally emotional and stressful life events. Diminishing the importance of my own self-care in comparison to the circumstances of the day was always the exit ramp I mistakenly thought led to comfort--and instead, it always led to self-destruction and chaos. The repetition and disappointment of that pattern didn't teach me or prepare me for the next time because I was oblivious; in deep denial of my personal truth.
I'm grateful for the clarity of yesterday. I kept my food plan in good shape, I stayed connected with support, and I made it through one more day. Mostly and more importantly, I sought comfort via real sources of comfort, not in illusions of comfort. For me, that's a miracle.
My morning routine is complete. The prayer, meditation, gratitude list, positive visualizations, and positive affirmations that make up that routine, set the tone for the day ahead. It's like taking my daily mental/emotional medication. My food is planned, packed, and ready for today. I'm headed to the studio for work. I'll be leaving work to be with mom later this morning.
Thank you for reading and thank you for the tremendous support for my momma. I read her the messages and it touches her deeply. Thank you for that, for her. I hope you have an amazing Friday!
I’m so glad to be grilling again! My daily practice #foodplan missed it!!! #whatsfordinner pic.twitter.com/67SRxgPMqj— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 24, 2020
Do you own an "I'm Choosing Change" wristband? I wear mine daily as a constant reminder of why my daily practice of things is important. I'm not alone, either. This powerful message is worn on the wrists of people in a dozen states, maybe more, I haven't counted--but it's up there!! From New York to California and from Canada all the way to Scotland, they're out there! For me, it's simply a daily reminder to be open, willing, mindful, to pause, and to be intentional. If I'm not those things, I get stuck at the line of least resistance and back there is where the old patterns and behaviors thrive. Your order includes priority shipping so you'll get it quickly! Here's the link to order yours right now: https://imchoosingchange.com/product/wristband/
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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
Sean
My website: www.imchoosingchange.com
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So glad to her your mom is doing better and that you're making it through this very tough time. I took care of my mom, grandmom, mother-in-law and grandmother-in=law through the older years. I know how draining it can be Praying for your family to stay strong.
ReplyDeletePraying for your mom. Wonderful to see you celebrating every moment you have with her.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you Sean. So tough to witness the slow downhill deterioration of your Mom’s health. I went through that with my Dad. Mom died suddenly at 65 of a heart attack, almost 30 years ago now. I miss her everyday. I got healthy partly because of her much too premature death. Take care of your Mom and continue to take care of yourself. Hugs.
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