Day 396
More Massive “Before” Pictures Coming Soon and Answering Comment Questions
Last night after finishing Day 395 at the studio, I arrived home and found Amber, her boyfriend, and Irene all gathered around a computer monitor. They had hooked up an old computer in an attempt to re-connect at home. (our main computer is back in Gayle’s hands for repair—Thank you Gayle!!! What did I do to it this time??) They were excited to see me home, immediately summoning me over to the screen. They didn’t achieve Internet access, but they did find something very interesting. They found a goldmine of “before” pictures on that old computer. I mean, these are some of the biggest, most miserable looking “before” shots ever. Completely forgotten until now. We’ll be getting these off of that computer and I’ll get them posted soon. It might be a few days, but be looking for some more dramatic “Lost” before pictures real soon. I couldn’t believe some of them. Who was taking some of these shots? It’s as if they knew that someday I would grab control and lose the weight once and for all, and then I’d be grateful for the extremely unflattering shots. You’ll see what I mean.
Fire Marshal Anson asked a comical question in a comment on yesterday’s blog: “Did you torch Lucille's in anger?” I talked about Lucille’s in the caption of one of those big before shots. It turns out, the place actually burned down recently. Too bad, they had amazing food. A place like that must rebuild. They were just that good. I don’t blame them for my inability to control myself in November of 2007. I’m 100% responsible for my choices now and back then too. I just didn’t care back then, I was too busy lusting over food. Every now and then I hear someone blame the restaurant industry for the increase in morbidly obese people. That’s complete nonsense. I don’t play the blame game. A big part of weight loss success is becoming completely honest with yourself and accepting 100% responsibility for your choices. Even Lucille’s had “good choices” on the menu. I chose something else. And chicken fried steak isn’t completely off limits, depending on portion size and my consumption; it’s all up to me. If something becomes “bad,” it’s because I’ve made it that way.
Ginger asked: “Do you find that as time goes on you feel satisfied with less and less food? I'm thinking that a small bag of fries and a little parfait don't constitute much of a meal for a man of your height and build, yet you seem to have been satisfied with it. People speak of the stomach "shrinking" as it gets used to less food coming in, which makes it easier to live with consuming less per meal. Do you notice this happening to you?” In my opinion, the ability and practice of consuming less food than before has more to do with the mental aspects of this journey than a “shrunken” stomach. I’ve changed the way I approach food. Before, I always wanted as much as I could hold. If it tasted good, I wanted more! I never ate because I was actually hungry; I ate because I loved to taste the food. I love food! I lusted for food. I knew that I had to address this issue from the very beginning. That’s why I declared anything and everything OK to eat. If you’ve read my archives, then you’ve read, “nothing is off limits.” If nothing is off limits, then I never have to feel guilty for eating something that some might deem a “cheating” food. So the issue becomes the amount you eat, not what you eat. I then decided to slow down and adjust my approach at mealtime. I made myself slow down and enjoy a responsible/normal portion. Before, I would eat so fast and so much, that I wouldn’t realize my own satisfaction before I became miserably full. I evaluated my mindset in the past and came to the realization that my focus was always on the food. If we were having a family get-together, celebration, or reunion of some kind, I always cared way more about the food we were going to eat than the company we would enjoy. So I decided to re-focus my attention where it should be, on family and friends, not the food. You know what I discovered? I discovered that I became satisfied much earlier than I ever had. I set boundaries, hence the calorie budget, and I stuck to it no matter what. It didn’t mean I had to deprive myself, because remember---nothing is off limits. If I don’t have the calorie budget for something today, perhaps I’ll enjoy it tomorrow. Did you read the list of foods I’ve enjoyed along this road? It sounds crazy, I know, but sometimes “crazy” is actually genius in disguise. I’m not saying that I’m a genius, far from it; I’m just saying that my success has come from completely going against conventional weight loss wisdom in many instances. I don’t think everyone believes me when I say that I’m never hungry. I’m honestly never hungry, really.
That parfait and small fries yesterday held me over beautifully, and a few hours later I was eating something else. I don’t subscribe to the whole “you’re a big man, you need more” way of thinking. I used that wonderful excuse to overeat my entire life. “He’s a growing boy!” Whatever. I grew all right, completely out of control. “You’re a big man, so you get a double portion!” Of course, bring it on! A responsible portion is a responsible portion, it’s the same no matter who you are or your size. I was a pro at rationalizing big portions. I never missed an opportunity to explain why I really needed more food. It was all nonsense. Self-honesty, 100% responsibility, our choices determine our consequences---good or bad, it’s our choice. Now if you’re training for the Olympics or a body building competition, and you’re burning fifteen thousand calories a day with intense training, then sure---you better eat more, because you’re going to need the fuel. But if it’s just everyday life, then an everyday, normal portion is always right.
Patsy complimented that I looked more like 230 than 284 pounds. Kimberley agreed, saying that I must be 6’5”. Not quite, but close. I’m 6’ 3”. I’m very blessed with some height. I can’t imagine how bad my life could have and would have been if I weren’t tall. I carried over 500 pounds around for nearly two decades, always keeping a job and some sort of social interaction with family and friends. It’s something I don’t think I could’ve done at 5’ 7”. Again, I give thanks for many blessings in my life.
I enjoyed a very small piece of chocolate chip brownie tonight at play rehearsal. It was incredible. One of the best brownies I’ve ever sampled, it was absolutely delicious. No guilt, it was small, couldn’t have been more than 50 or 60 calories, just a bite or two really. Probably too many calories to invest in “a bite or two,” but sometimes brownies happen, you know?
I’m fighting off chest congestion and a runny and stuffy nose. I decided to stay away from the walking trail in this cool damp weather; I’ve got to get through the next few nights without becoming completely sick. I should have worked out at the YMCA today, but I took a nap instead, making sure I was ready for rehearsal tonight. Come Monday, I’ll have no excuse, or “legitimate circumstance,” as I like to call it, or should I say, “rationalization,” for missing a workout. Seriously, we know what must be done. I understand the consistency required for dramatic results, you do too. We’re going to do just fine. Absolutely.
I’m headed home from the studio here in a few minutes. I’m thinking of fixing myself a personal 200 calorie pizza on a flat-out 90 calorie flat bread. I may even allow some pepperoni! Watch out, I’m crazy! I love losing weight, wow, what a rewarding experience. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Day 395 Weigh Day Success and My Best Full Body "Before" Picture
Day 395
Weigh Day Success and My Best Full Body “Before” Picture
Today was weigh day. I really expected two or three pounds, maybe four, but somehow, someway, I managed to pull off a five pound loss over the last two weeks. I weighed in at 284 today. 284! These numbers look so strange to me, they really do. Losing five pounds was really amazing considering that I’ve had two week periods where I worked out almost every day and then pulled out a five pound loss. I haven’t specifically worked out but a couple of times in the last fourteen days, and bam---a five pound loss. I’m not complaining, I’m actually thrilled and feeling very lucky. Who knows, maybe last time I had some added water weight, and I’ve lost it since. I don’t know. I do know a couple of things: My calories are solid and it’s not smart to try to figure out weight loss patterns. I’ve been extremely fortunate that I have yet to have a two-week period with a gain. I say “yet,” because it could happen as I slow down on approach to where I should be. I think my success has everything to do with my consistent calorie budget---it’s just enough for a steady loss. Water weight could slap me in the face someday with a gain. I think I’ve had low numbers before because of water retention, but the reality is simple, it all evens out over time.
I’m extremely excited about these weekend performances of “Call Me Henry.” If half the people show up who have said they will, we’ll have a big audience both nights. The bigger the audience, the bigger the energy, it’ll be something special. This is the last weekend for this play. So if you’re reading this within driving distance, I urge you to come! 7:30pm Friday and Saturday night at the Wilken Theatre on the campus of Northern Oklahoma College. If you’re seriously considering making the trip and you need more specific directions, just e-mail me at seanboy105@hotmail.com
A couple of people have asked why my e-mail is “seanboy105.” My Aunt Connie use to call me “Seanboy” when I was a kid, like “Johnboy” on the old “Waltons” TV show. In 1998, I took a job as a morning personality at a Country radio station with the show name “SeanBoy in the morning!” The frequency of the station was 105.5FM, hence the e-mail “seanboy105.” That can count as an Honest Scrap Award entry. Now you know the rest of the story! (Sorry Paul Harvey-RIP)
After my weigh-in, I drove through McDonalds for lunch. I grabbed a fruit and yogurt parfait and a small order of fries. The fries are 230 calories, the parfait without the granola packet is only 130 calories. I left the drive-through and approached a red light when I noticed a lady in the car stopped next to me. She was watching me eat those french fries from the bag. She didn’t say anything, it was cold and our windows were up, but her look was one of confused concern. It may be my imagination, but I swear the look she was giving me was screaming hey—aren’t you the weight loss guy? And you’re eating McDonalds fries out of a bag? Cool huh? Yeah, that was me alright. I loved McDonalds fries at 505 and I still love them at 284. I just don’t love them as much and as often. I can occasionally enjoy 230 calories worth instead of the biggest size on the menu and be completely satisfied. It goes back to my point from yesterday’s blog---eat what you like, because it’s less about what you’re eating and more about how much. Had I denied myself those fries all this time, a small order today would have made me feel like a failure. You see? I’m far from a failure.
I stopped by the Team Radio home office today and was immediately summoned into the owners office. He had found some of the best full body before pictures I’ve probably ever taken---right there on his computer. Isn’t it funny how these pictures are some that I would never want anyone to see before, but now I can’t wait to post them? Look at these pictures below, oh my! I still can’t believe I looked like that. We were broadcasting from the Oklahoma Centennial Celebration, November 2007, in Guthrie Oklahoma. Had I fully realized what I looked like, I doubt I would have been able to stand there on that street in broad daylight in front of so many people. I really was completely clueless to how heavy I’d become. No, correction, I knew how heavy I was. I just didn’t realize how heavy I honestly appeared. I’ve also included an “in-progress” recently taken on our amusement park trip---just for contrast.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Wow. That’s big.
I remember my breakfast that morning: A large bag of Funyuns, a pack of little chocolate donuts, a large coffee with a bunch of high calorie French vanilla creamer, and later in the morning I added a couple of sausage biscuits. On the way home we stopped at Lucille’s in Mulhall, Oklahoma for chicken fried steak smothered in cream gravy and the best hot buttery rolls anywhere around. I was completely out of control.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Day 394 Nearly 220 Pounds Lost Without Eating A Single Salad
Day 394
Nearly 220 Pounds Lost Without Eating A Single Salad
After getting back to the YMCA and realizing that, even though I’ve been “out of the groove,” I certainly haven’t lost my groove, I feel wonderful! Today was the second of three days off from the play, but it was also a special event day here at Team Radio. Every year we host a “Ladies Night Out” at the historic Marland Mansion. It’s an evening of free wine, food, and prizes from nearly forty businesses--with products and services geared toward women. I was in the beginning days of this journey last year at this event. From Day 37: All I had to do after a 1 ½ hour pre-event broadcast was greet listeners at the door, make sure they signed in, and give them tickets for free wine. Very easy-- and the bonus? I could sit down to do it. But still, after a really full day like today, I did not feel like working out. I felt like I already worked out. What a difference a year makes. I was so happy to be sitting down last year, but tonight I chose to stand mostly and occasionally roam the mansion. I didn’t have to, but I wanted to, so I did. I even briskly moved up the large staircase without any trouble, and I mean not even the slightest out-of-breath feeling. The “wow” reactions were numerous as expected. I experienced some really good ones. Some double takes, even one of my favorites “is that you?” I noticed that people smile at me more now. Isn’t that crazy that I noticed that so much? I did. Way more smiles came my way. I guess it really shows that you get what you give. In a social setting like this, I must look super happy, and if I’m smiling, then people are smiling back. It’s such a wonderful freedom to be where I am along this road. I just can’t get enough.
One very nice lady commented “I bet you just eat salads all day.” She seemed shocked when I revealed the truth: I haven’t consumed one single salad in the last 394 pounds. Nearly 220 pounds lost and not one salad, hmm…I guess that blows the whole “you must eat salads to lose weight” myth out of the water. I’m a meat and potatoes kind of guy. I’m a cheese and sandwich kind of guy. I have a high “flavor set point!” I eat whatever I want. I’ve said it many times. Monumental weight loss success isn’t about what kind of food, it’s about eating the foods you enjoy in moderation. It’s more about portion control. If you love salads, great—knock yourself out. But you don’t have to eat salads or anything else specifically to lose weight. Eat what you like, what you normally would eat in your everyday life. It’s seriously important, a key element in my success.
I wrote about this on Day 50: Every now and then someone will ask me the big question. “So what are you doing?” And I tell them, I'm counting calories, 1500 a day, and I'm exercising. Then sometimes they go further... “So, what are you eating?” My answer? Anything and everything within reason. It can really confuse people. “Anything?” ...yes, anything. Let's re-visit the list shall we? I've lost 50 pounds and counting eating: pizza, hamburgers, grilled chicken, steak, fried chicken nuggets, baked potatoes with sour cream, lasagna, bratwurst, ice cream cones, mini banana splits, fudge bars, dream bars, Snickers, fresh fruit, oatmeal, non-dairy coffee creamer, sub sandwiches, barbecue ribs, fried catfish, Quarter Pounder with Cheese, french fries, Doritos, potato chips, wheat thins, cheese it's, breakfast sausage, fried egg sandwich, eggs over easy, two and three egg omelets, grilled cheese sandwiches, hotdogs, hot links, deep fried mushrooms, ham, sharp cheddar, chili cheese dogs, onion rings, cookies, rice, corn, green beans with cheese, tacos, tostadas, bean burritos, chicken burritos, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, hard candy, Funyuns, popcorn, popsicles, baked beans, chips and salsa, macaroni and cheese, ramen noodles with ground beef, barbecue chicken, beef stew, meatballs, stuffed mushrooms, fried shrimp, coconut shrimp, chicken noodle soup, Whopper JR's with mustard instead of mayo, cheesy potato bites, scalloped potatoes, pork chops, grilled onions and peppers, sautéed mushrooms, beef roast with roasted carrots and potatoes, chili, pepper steak, pudding, jello, summer sausage, luncheon meats, cheese slices, bread, miracle whip, mustard, pickles, turkey, chicken enchiladas, granola bar, apple sauce, and, and...I'm sure I'm missing something, but this is a pretty diverse list. Having the freedom to choose is such a wonderful thing!
I’ve made it a mission of my journey to completely change the way people think about weight loss and what it takes to really be successful. We typically have way too many misconceptions about what we can and can’t do along the way. Keep it very simple and enjoy simply amazing results, of course there’s a whole chapter (or more) on the mental aspects of this kind of a journey. Keeping everything simple sets a stable foundation for the mental growth to occur naturally.
Wednesday is weigh day. I can’t wait to report where we stand along this road. Will I cross the 220 pounds lost barrier? We’ll see! I need a 4 pound loss to do that. I’ll be sending out the weigh day text, twitter, e-mail, and facebook status update Wednesday afternoon, shortly after the meeting with the scale.
Thank you for reading and following along this wonderful transformation. The past 394 days has completely changed my life and outlook for the future. And I smile and get smiles back more often than ever. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Nearly 220 Pounds Lost Without Eating A Single Salad
After getting back to the YMCA and realizing that, even though I’ve been “out of the groove,” I certainly haven’t lost my groove, I feel wonderful! Today was the second of three days off from the play, but it was also a special event day here at Team Radio. Every year we host a “Ladies Night Out” at the historic Marland Mansion. It’s an evening of free wine, food, and prizes from nearly forty businesses--with products and services geared toward women. I was in the beginning days of this journey last year at this event. From Day 37: All I had to do after a 1 ½ hour pre-event broadcast was greet listeners at the door, make sure they signed in, and give them tickets for free wine. Very easy-- and the bonus? I could sit down to do it. But still, after a really full day like today, I did not feel like working out. I felt like I already worked out. What a difference a year makes. I was so happy to be sitting down last year, but tonight I chose to stand mostly and occasionally roam the mansion. I didn’t have to, but I wanted to, so I did. I even briskly moved up the large staircase without any trouble, and I mean not even the slightest out-of-breath feeling. The “wow” reactions were numerous as expected. I experienced some really good ones. Some double takes, even one of my favorites “is that you?” I noticed that people smile at me more now. Isn’t that crazy that I noticed that so much? I did. Way more smiles came my way. I guess it really shows that you get what you give. In a social setting like this, I must look super happy, and if I’m smiling, then people are smiling back. It’s such a wonderful freedom to be where I am along this road. I just can’t get enough.
One very nice lady commented “I bet you just eat salads all day.” She seemed shocked when I revealed the truth: I haven’t consumed one single salad in the last 394 pounds. Nearly 220 pounds lost and not one salad, hmm…I guess that blows the whole “you must eat salads to lose weight” myth out of the water. I’m a meat and potatoes kind of guy. I’m a cheese and sandwich kind of guy. I have a high “flavor set point!” I eat whatever I want. I’ve said it many times. Monumental weight loss success isn’t about what kind of food, it’s about eating the foods you enjoy in moderation. It’s more about portion control. If you love salads, great—knock yourself out. But you don’t have to eat salads or anything else specifically to lose weight. Eat what you like, what you normally would eat in your everyday life. It’s seriously important, a key element in my success.
I wrote about this on Day 50: Every now and then someone will ask me the big question. “So what are you doing?” And I tell them, I'm counting calories, 1500 a day, and I'm exercising. Then sometimes they go further... “So, what are you eating?” My answer? Anything and everything within reason. It can really confuse people. “Anything?” ...yes, anything. Let's re-visit the list shall we? I've lost 50 pounds and counting eating: pizza, hamburgers, grilled chicken, steak, fried chicken nuggets, baked potatoes with sour cream, lasagna, bratwurst, ice cream cones, mini banana splits, fudge bars, dream bars, Snickers, fresh fruit, oatmeal, non-dairy coffee creamer, sub sandwiches, barbecue ribs, fried catfish, Quarter Pounder with Cheese, french fries, Doritos, potato chips, wheat thins, cheese it's, breakfast sausage, fried egg sandwich, eggs over easy, two and three egg omelets, grilled cheese sandwiches, hotdogs, hot links, deep fried mushrooms, ham, sharp cheddar, chili cheese dogs, onion rings, cookies, rice, corn, green beans with cheese, tacos, tostadas, bean burritos, chicken burritos, fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, hard candy, Funyuns, popcorn, popsicles, baked beans, chips and salsa, macaroni and cheese, ramen noodles with ground beef, barbecue chicken, beef stew, meatballs, stuffed mushrooms, fried shrimp, coconut shrimp, chicken noodle soup, Whopper JR's with mustard instead of mayo, cheesy potato bites, scalloped potatoes, pork chops, grilled onions and peppers, sautéed mushrooms, beef roast with roasted carrots and potatoes, chili, pepper steak, pudding, jello, summer sausage, luncheon meats, cheese slices, bread, miracle whip, mustard, pickles, turkey, chicken enchiladas, granola bar, apple sauce, and, and...I'm sure I'm missing something, but this is a pretty diverse list. Having the freedom to choose is such a wonderful thing!
I’ve made it a mission of my journey to completely change the way people think about weight loss and what it takes to really be successful. We typically have way too many misconceptions about what we can and can’t do along the way. Keep it very simple and enjoy simply amazing results, of course there’s a whole chapter (or more) on the mental aspects of this kind of a journey. Keeping everything simple sets a stable foundation for the mental growth to occur naturally.
Wednesday is weigh day. I can’t wait to report where we stand along this road. Will I cross the 220 pounds lost barrier? We’ll see! I need a 4 pound loss to do that. I’ll be sending out the weigh day text, twitter, e-mail, and facebook status update Wednesday afternoon, shortly after the meeting with the scale.
Thank you for reading and following along this wonderful transformation. The past 394 days has completely changed my life and outlook for the future. And I smile and get smiles back more often than ever. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Monday, October 12, 2009
Day 393 This Is A Weight Loss Blog and The Fruits of Transformation
Day 393
This Is A Weight Loss Blog and The Fruits of Transformation
All day long I've felt very weird about posting last night's blog. I don't like recalling that experience. I felt exposed, just completely vulnerable. I can't even remember all of the fine details that made up that experience. Irene and my dad had to remind me of some of those crazy details. I'm glad we got through that. And, no more will I go that deep into my personal life in these writings. It's too much. I'm already personal enough, I just thought Hmm, what have I not already shared? And that experience popped into my head. It was horrifying and twisted. Those people were psychotic and probably on drugs. Thank you to Jack Sh*t for sharing the correct spelling of Osceola, Arkansas, he would know! And as far as the “were they ever charged” question? I seriously doubt it. The police felt the best thing they could do was get us out of town and back to Oklahoma, far away from these people. After they retrieved our vehicle, I think they felt that their job was done. They certainly dropped the ball if this is indeed how they felt. All I know is, we never heard another thing about that situation. Shall we move on? Good.
This is a weight loss blog. A blog about the incredible transformation we're capable of when we decide that nothing will stop us. It's a blog about consistency, good choices, self-honesty, and breaking free. It's a very real account of my personal transformation from 505 pounds to where I'm headed. 230? Sure, but I doubt that's where we'll stay. With added muscle, 250 perhaps. You know what I want, at least you do if you're a regular reader. I want to be lean. I want the fat gone, all of it, replaced by a fit physique that feels right and good. Above all else, I want to be healthy. The great thing is, considering I no longer take any blood pressure medication, nor do I use a machine to sleep properly, the healthy part is here now. The blood institute calls me all the time now wanting me to donate my healthy blood, you know how good that feels? As far as the physical transformation goes, I don't want to take pictures and decide which ones I like, I want to love them all. And so the work continues. But it continues with a confident spirit. And by “continues,” I'm not saying it ever stopped. It didn't. But as you know, I've stacked my schedule full lately and it rarely included workouts. I did get exercise, but you know what I mean. One thing that's never changed is my complete control over my food intake. I eat responsibly, it's just what I do. I don't gorge or binge, I don't have the desire to do that. I did enough of that the last two decades, I've had my fill of being completely out of control. I like this much better.
I received a text today from someone asking if I was slacking. They were only joking really, but I quickly reported NO! I've been living a dream lately. It's a dream made possible by this amazing transformation. I'm not done, far from it, but the changes I've made already have completely changed my life for the better. If enjoying what was once impossible is considered “slacking,” then I'm guilty. But I certainly don't look at it like that. Playing a lead character in a dramatic production has always been a dream of mine, always. And I've always let my weight keep me from that experience. I always knew it was in me, the ability, the talent was in me, I was always sure of that, but I was trapped by morbid obesity. The real me couldn't get out and live.
I now want to do everything I could never do before. And the list of things to do will grow as I progress on this road. My biggest challenge will be slowing down enough to realize that I don't have to do everything all at once. I am like a kid in a candy store, but I must remember: This candy store is always open. I need to carefully take my time and move forward, never losing focus on where I'm headed and what I plan to accomplish in time.
We're headed to the YMCA this evening. It's been a while. I wonder if they'll even recognize us? Irene left for work, so it's just Courtney and me---headed for a workout, like so many times along this road. We're going to sweat and it's going to feel good, real good. Weigh day is Wednesday! Let's move! I really hope to have hit the 220 pounds lost mark by then, we'll see. If not, that's completely cool. We're getting there. We're going to be just fine, absolutely fine.
Thank you for reading and following my journey. I haven't had much time lately for catching up with all of my blog friends, and I feel horrible about that. Please understand that I'm always here, and sometimes I read without commenting. If you ever feel inclined, drop me an e-mail to seanboy105@hotmail.com or add me as a friend on Facebook. I promise I'll respond to any weight loss related questions. Again, thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
This Is A Weight Loss Blog and The Fruits of Transformation
All day long I've felt very weird about posting last night's blog. I don't like recalling that experience. I felt exposed, just completely vulnerable. I can't even remember all of the fine details that made up that experience. Irene and my dad had to remind me of some of those crazy details. I'm glad we got through that. And, no more will I go that deep into my personal life in these writings. It's too much. I'm already personal enough, I just thought Hmm, what have I not already shared? And that experience popped into my head. It was horrifying and twisted. Those people were psychotic and probably on drugs. Thank you to Jack Sh*t for sharing the correct spelling of Osceola, Arkansas, he would know! And as far as the “were they ever charged” question? I seriously doubt it. The police felt the best thing they could do was get us out of town and back to Oklahoma, far away from these people. After they retrieved our vehicle, I think they felt that their job was done. They certainly dropped the ball if this is indeed how they felt. All I know is, we never heard another thing about that situation. Shall we move on? Good.
This is a weight loss blog. A blog about the incredible transformation we're capable of when we decide that nothing will stop us. It's a blog about consistency, good choices, self-honesty, and breaking free. It's a very real account of my personal transformation from 505 pounds to where I'm headed. 230? Sure, but I doubt that's where we'll stay. With added muscle, 250 perhaps. You know what I want, at least you do if you're a regular reader. I want to be lean. I want the fat gone, all of it, replaced by a fit physique that feels right and good. Above all else, I want to be healthy. The great thing is, considering I no longer take any blood pressure medication, nor do I use a machine to sleep properly, the healthy part is here now. The blood institute calls me all the time now wanting me to donate my healthy blood, you know how good that feels? As far as the physical transformation goes, I don't want to take pictures and decide which ones I like, I want to love them all. And so the work continues. But it continues with a confident spirit. And by “continues,” I'm not saying it ever stopped. It didn't. But as you know, I've stacked my schedule full lately and it rarely included workouts. I did get exercise, but you know what I mean. One thing that's never changed is my complete control over my food intake. I eat responsibly, it's just what I do. I don't gorge or binge, I don't have the desire to do that. I did enough of that the last two decades, I've had my fill of being completely out of control. I like this much better.
I received a text today from someone asking if I was slacking. They were only joking really, but I quickly reported NO! I've been living a dream lately. It's a dream made possible by this amazing transformation. I'm not done, far from it, but the changes I've made already have completely changed my life for the better. If enjoying what was once impossible is considered “slacking,” then I'm guilty. But I certainly don't look at it like that. Playing a lead character in a dramatic production has always been a dream of mine, always. And I've always let my weight keep me from that experience. I always knew it was in me, the ability, the talent was in me, I was always sure of that, but I was trapped by morbid obesity. The real me couldn't get out and live.
I now want to do everything I could never do before. And the list of things to do will grow as I progress on this road. My biggest challenge will be slowing down enough to realize that I don't have to do everything all at once. I am like a kid in a candy store, but I must remember: This candy store is always open. I need to carefully take my time and move forward, never losing focus on where I'm headed and what I plan to accomplish in time.
We're headed to the YMCA this evening. It's been a while. I wonder if they'll even recognize us? Irene left for work, so it's just Courtney and me---headed for a workout, like so many times along this road. We're going to sweat and it's going to feel good, real good. Weigh day is Wednesday! Let's move! I really hope to have hit the 220 pounds lost mark by then, we'll see. If not, that's completely cool. We're getting there. We're going to be just fine, absolutely fine.
Thank you for reading and following my journey. I haven't had much time lately for catching up with all of my blog friends, and I feel horrible about that. Please understand that I'm always here, and sometimes I read without commenting. If you ever feel inclined, drop me an e-mail to seanboy105@hotmail.com or add me as a friend on Facebook. I promise I'll respond to any weight loss related questions. Again, thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Day 392 Getting Back To Routine and The Scariest Experience of Our Life
Day 392
Getting Back To Routine and The Scariest Experience of Our Life
The performance this afternoon of “Call Me Henry” was wonderful. It's awesome to be a part of something so special. We're off until rehearsal Thursday night, then two performances this Friday and Saturday night. It's a much needed break for everyone involved. So now what do we do?
That's easy. Courtney and I will be hitting the YMCA tomorrow evening and I've set a goal to accomplish another 10K before Thursday. It's time to amp up our workouts and shoot toward our ultimate goals. It was very nice to rearrange the schedule and enjoy a real life dream come true, now it's time to proceed to the next level of amazing accomplishments. It's a wonderful clarity we have about these goals and aspirations. Like never before, our sites are set on a clear and easily attainable goal. We know what it takes, what we've done, how far we've come, and where we're headed. Let's go!
A couple of weeks ago, maybe longer, I was awarded the “Honest Scrap” blogging award. The award requires the recipient to honestly share ten things that were previously unknown to readers. I sincerely thank those that gave me the honor, but I have to admit, I don't really know what to share that I haven't already. Because if I haven't shared it yet, it's probably something you wouldn't want me to share, something way too personal or inappropriate for sharing. Some things should be kept confidential, you know what I mean? I could write about the amazing changes in our private “personal” life...wink, wink---if you know what I mean---But really, that wouldn't be appropriate at all. I could go into details of some of our “stressful situations” in the last 392 Days, the majority of them being related to finances, but really, we all have our struggles these days---and I don't share that kind of information, I wouldn't feel comfortable being that open. It wouldn't be appropriate.
So, I've decided to share a real life story from our past that has somehow escaped the pages of this weight loss blog. This is a story that very few people have ever known, except those that lived it and were close to us at the time. Are you ready? Buckle up my friend.
I planned a trip to meet my real dad not long after I discovered he was alive and well in Alabama. I can't remember the exact dates, or even months, but it was the early 90's. An entire childhood worth of emotions had built up and even though I was twenty years old, I was still in many ways a child. I wasn't emotionally ready for that kind of rendezvous. I thought I was ready, but the closer our drive came to Alabama, the more I realized that I couldn't handle the situation. I had what most people would call a nervous breakdown, and we were less than 100 miles from my fathers doorstep. My whole life I dreamed of meeting him and getting to know him. It didn't matter the resentment and childhood anger I had for him, that stuff was replaced with a longing to know and love him, and feel that love in return. Or so I thought. I was a complete basket case when we made the necessary decision to turn around and head home that day. As the miles brought us closer back to Oklahoma, closer to our world, the nervous breakdown continued. And what was about to happen to us wasn't going to make it any better, in fact, it made it much worse and almost deadly.
We stopped at a small truck stop on a rural Mississippi highway for some fuel and food when we noticed a family having car trouble. It was dark and they were trying to work under their hood, so I decided to shine our headlights toward them in an effort to help. This “family” consisted of three adults and a couple of kids. We got out of our car and struck up a conversation. That was a really bad mistake. These people were bad. They must have sensed my weakened mental state, because immediately they started telling us what we were going to do for them. Now understand, we were driving a four door hatchback Chevy Chevette. Irene and I was in the front and two year old Amber in her car seat in the back. We didn't have room for these people, but they insisted we give them a ride all the way back to Arkansas. When we resisted, they started making it very clear that they weren't asking, they were telling us what was going to happen. They put all of our stuff on the roof of the car, and with their two kids and an adult stuffed into the hatchback area, and three adults (including Irene) plus Amber in the back seat, we were on our way. Oh yeah, I was in the front passenger seat because the “leader” of this family insisted that he drive. It might sound crazy, but trust me---this situation turned psycho fast. Any resistance to their demands was met with anger, threatening tones, and sinister glares. We were scared to death and I was not in the best shape mentally to protect my young family.
The leader was driving so fast and furiously, I honestly thought it would all end in a horrible crash. Somewhere in the middle of a Memphis highway, all of our stuff went flying off the roof of the car, scattering across all of the lanes. We begged them to stop, but they wouldn't hear of it. They were desperate to get home, and it didn't matter what we wanted or lost. When we arrived in Oceola, Arkansas---not too far northwest of Memphis, it was kind of a relief. We thought that maybe we could get them out of the car and then head home. We were completely shaken, and still the worst was yet to come.
When we arrived at our captors home, they kept the car keys and insisted that we go inside and stay with them. When we resisted, they made sure we caught glimpse of their guns. The sight of their weapons made it very clear without a word. We were being kidnapped and held against our will. I knew that I had to fight to get us free, but I also knew that we had to be smart about our movements, we didn't want to startle anyone with a sudden outburst or run. So we went inside and did what they said to do. It was the strangest thing. They were treating us like we were guest on some level, guest who couldn't leave.
Irene pulled me aside and informed me that they took all of our money. This situation was straight out of a psycho thriller movie. It almost didn't seem real. But it was happening, just ask Irene. She was sexually assaulted by the ring leader. He didn't get very far, but he did jump on top of her groping and then tried to put his tongue down her throat. He then told her how they were going to “take care” of me. Irene heard them talking about how he wanted Irene and Amber to stay, and how they were going to dispose of me during a late night “fishing trip” to the Mississippi River the next night. Irene communicated to me what was said, and we knew we had to escape somehow, some way, and quick. Before most everyone went to bed, they prepared a big meal they had purchased with our money and even made us help cook and serve. We were walking on pins and needles. At that point I really thought they would just shoot me. We already knew what they wanted to do with me. Needless to say we couldn't sleep under these conditions and someone was always up and awake making sure we didn't leave. The next morning we found the ringleader gone. Just a few people remained at the house. This was our best chance to flee. Irene came to me and told me that the time was now, we had to make a run, but I was too scared. What if it went bad? And then Irene gave me a look of combined fear and determination and told me that if we didn't make our move now, then we might not survive this horrific situation.
We waited until the best possible moment, grabbed Amber, and started walking really fast toward the front doors. As soon as we found daylight we noticed our car was gone, we didn't have the keys anyway, so that didn't matter. We were on the run. We quickened our pace as we fully expected to be chased and/or shot from behind. It was so scary. We kept going and when we finally looked back, no one was chasing us. We ran into a pharmacy and frantically asked to use the phone. It's strange, our first thought wasn't to call the police, We didn't want to upset them even more. isn't that crazy? Our first thought was to call home and explain what was happening, and ask for money to be sent our way. After arranging for some cash from a very confused and concerned family back home, we made our way out of the store and into the town square. We were paranoid. What if they're after us? We knew that we had to find help, we needed our car back, we needed to get home. So we made our way into the local newspaper office and frantically explained what had happened. They quickly called the police and we were picked up and escorted to the station. We told the officers what had happened, but convincing them of this wild tale was not easy. We were out of our minds scared, especially me, and I think that made them discount our story. They did some investigating at the scene and of course received a totally different story from our captors. The police found our car in the next town, the ringleader of these hoodlums had taken it to work. When the police returned with our car, they decided the best move was to get us out of town and back on our way home. They escorted us to a little convenience store where they used what was called “travelers aid” money to fill our tank and buy us food and drink for the road. They then escorted us to the highway out of town.
I was a complete wreck emotionally. I was in such bad shape, they insisted Irene drive. I couldn't. The entire time Irene drove, I was looking behind us, paranoid that these captors would somehow find us fleeing the area. It was a real life nightmare. Somehow, some way, by the grace of God, we made it back home. I've never been more relieved to see the sights of my hometown as we pulled into Stillwater that day. Our nightmare was over.
Amber was too young to realize the danger of it all. Irene was strong through it all, with an amazing resolve to survive, she saved us really. I was a complete basket case. The entire experience that started with the stress and anticipation of meeting my father for the first time in my life, then turned into a fight for survival, left me totally out of my mind. My nervous breakdown from that experience landed me in the hospital recovering for a few days.
I never again want to ever see Oceola, Arkansas in my life. Now, we never stop and offer help to anyone on the road. We can't after that experience. We're lucky to have survived. And to this day, not many people know of this horrific event in our life. Even family and friends don't know all of the details, well, they didn't until now. It's not something we really like to talk about. It just not talked about.
So there you have it, something very personal and scary that you didn't know about me. Thanks “Honest Scrap” blog award for inspiring me to share that horrible experience. That should count for more than just one of the ten things, don't you think?
I love life. I love living. And that's why this journey from 505 pounds is so meaningful to me. It's freedom and safety away from the threatening dangers of obesity. We'll no longer be held captive by obesity. It means the world to me. Thanks for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Getting Back To Routine and The Scariest Experience of Our Life
The performance this afternoon of “Call Me Henry” was wonderful. It's awesome to be a part of something so special. We're off until rehearsal Thursday night, then two performances this Friday and Saturday night. It's a much needed break for everyone involved. So now what do we do?
That's easy. Courtney and I will be hitting the YMCA tomorrow evening and I've set a goal to accomplish another 10K before Thursday. It's time to amp up our workouts and shoot toward our ultimate goals. It was very nice to rearrange the schedule and enjoy a real life dream come true, now it's time to proceed to the next level of amazing accomplishments. It's a wonderful clarity we have about these goals and aspirations. Like never before, our sites are set on a clear and easily attainable goal. We know what it takes, what we've done, how far we've come, and where we're headed. Let's go!
A couple of weeks ago, maybe longer, I was awarded the “Honest Scrap” blogging award. The award requires the recipient to honestly share ten things that were previously unknown to readers. I sincerely thank those that gave me the honor, but I have to admit, I don't really know what to share that I haven't already. Because if I haven't shared it yet, it's probably something you wouldn't want me to share, something way too personal or inappropriate for sharing. Some things should be kept confidential, you know what I mean? I could write about the amazing changes in our private “personal” life...wink, wink---if you know what I mean---But really, that wouldn't be appropriate at all. I could go into details of some of our “stressful situations” in the last 392 Days, the majority of them being related to finances, but really, we all have our struggles these days---and I don't share that kind of information, I wouldn't feel comfortable being that open. It wouldn't be appropriate.
So, I've decided to share a real life story from our past that has somehow escaped the pages of this weight loss blog. This is a story that very few people have ever known, except those that lived it and were close to us at the time. Are you ready? Buckle up my friend.
I planned a trip to meet my real dad not long after I discovered he was alive and well in Alabama. I can't remember the exact dates, or even months, but it was the early 90's. An entire childhood worth of emotions had built up and even though I was twenty years old, I was still in many ways a child. I wasn't emotionally ready for that kind of rendezvous. I thought I was ready, but the closer our drive came to Alabama, the more I realized that I couldn't handle the situation. I had what most people would call a nervous breakdown, and we were less than 100 miles from my fathers doorstep. My whole life I dreamed of meeting him and getting to know him. It didn't matter the resentment and childhood anger I had for him, that stuff was replaced with a longing to know and love him, and feel that love in return. Or so I thought. I was a complete basket case when we made the necessary decision to turn around and head home that day. As the miles brought us closer back to Oklahoma, closer to our world, the nervous breakdown continued. And what was about to happen to us wasn't going to make it any better, in fact, it made it much worse and almost deadly.
We stopped at a small truck stop on a rural Mississippi highway for some fuel and food when we noticed a family having car trouble. It was dark and they were trying to work under their hood, so I decided to shine our headlights toward them in an effort to help. This “family” consisted of three adults and a couple of kids. We got out of our car and struck up a conversation. That was a really bad mistake. These people were bad. They must have sensed my weakened mental state, because immediately they started telling us what we were going to do for them. Now understand, we were driving a four door hatchback Chevy Chevette. Irene and I was in the front and two year old Amber in her car seat in the back. We didn't have room for these people, but they insisted we give them a ride all the way back to Arkansas. When we resisted, they started making it very clear that they weren't asking, they were telling us what was going to happen. They put all of our stuff on the roof of the car, and with their two kids and an adult stuffed into the hatchback area, and three adults (including Irene) plus Amber in the back seat, we were on our way. Oh yeah, I was in the front passenger seat because the “leader” of this family insisted that he drive. It might sound crazy, but trust me---this situation turned psycho fast. Any resistance to their demands was met with anger, threatening tones, and sinister glares. We were scared to death and I was not in the best shape mentally to protect my young family.
The leader was driving so fast and furiously, I honestly thought it would all end in a horrible crash. Somewhere in the middle of a Memphis highway, all of our stuff went flying off the roof of the car, scattering across all of the lanes. We begged them to stop, but they wouldn't hear of it. They were desperate to get home, and it didn't matter what we wanted or lost. When we arrived in Oceola, Arkansas---not too far northwest of Memphis, it was kind of a relief. We thought that maybe we could get them out of the car and then head home. We were completely shaken, and still the worst was yet to come.
When we arrived at our captors home, they kept the car keys and insisted that we go inside and stay with them. When we resisted, they made sure we caught glimpse of their guns. The sight of their weapons made it very clear without a word. We were being kidnapped and held against our will. I knew that I had to fight to get us free, but I also knew that we had to be smart about our movements, we didn't want to startle anyone with a sudden outburst or run. So we went inside and did what they said to do. It was the strangest thing. They were treating us like we were guest on some level, guest who couldn't leave.
Irene pulled me aside and informed me that they took all of our money. This situation was straight out of a psycho thriller movie. It almost didn't seem real. But it was happening, just ask Irene. She was sexually assaulted by the ring leader. He didn't get very far, but he did jump on top of her groping and then tried to put his tongue down her throat. He then told her how they were going to “take care” of me. Irene heard them talking about how he wanted Irene and Amber to stay, and how they were going to dispose of me during a late night “fishing trip” to the Mississippi River the next night. Irene communicated to me what was said, and we knew we had to escape somehow, some way, and quick. Before most everyone went to bed, they prepared a big meal they had purchased with our money and even made us help cook and serve. We were walking on pins and needles. At that point I really thought they would just shoot me. We already knew what they wanted to do with me. Needless to say we couldn't sleep under these conditions and someone was always up and awake making sure we didn't leave. The next morning we found the ringleader gone. Just a few people remained at the house. This was our best chance to flee. Irene came to me and told me that the time was now, we had to make a run, but I was too scared. What if it went bad? And then Irene gave me a look of combined fear and determination and told me that if we didn't make our move now, then we might not survive this horrific situation.
We waited until the best possible moment, grabbed Amber, and started walking really fast toward the front doors. As soon as we found daylight we noticed our car was gone, we didn't have the keys anyway, so that didn't matter. We were on the run. We quickened our pace as we fully expected to be chased and/or shot from behind. It was so scary. We kept going and when we finally looked back, no one was chasing us. We ran into a pharmacy and frantically asked to use the phone. It's strange, our first thought wasn't to call the police, We didn't want to upset them even more. isn't that crazy? Our first thought was to call home and explain what was happening, and ask for money to be sent our way. After arranging for some cash from a very confused and concerned family back home, we made our way out of the store and into the town square. We were paranoid. What if they're after us? We knew that we had to find help, we needed our car back, we needed to get home. So we made our way into the local newspaper office and frantically explained what had happened. They quickly called the police and we were picked up and escorted to the station. We told the officers what had happened, but convincing them of this wild tale was not easy. We were out of our minds scared, especially me, and I think that made them discount our story. They did some investigating at the scene and of course received a totally different story from our captors. The police found our car in the next town, the ringleader of these hoodlums had taken it to work. When the police returned with our car, they decided the best move was to get us out of town and back on our way home. They escorted us to a little convenience store where they used what was called “travelers aid” money to fill our tank and buy us food and drink for the road. They then escorted us to the highway out of town.
I was a complete wreck emotionally. I was in such bad shape, they insisted Irene drive. I couldn't. The entire time Irene drove, I was looking behind us, paranoid that these captors would somehow find us fleeing the area. It was a real life nightmare. Somehow, some way, by the grace of God, we made it back home. I've never been more relieved to see the sights of my hometown as we pulled into Stillwater that day. Our nightmare was over.
Amber was too young to realize the danger of it all. Irene was strong through it all, with an amazing resolve to survive, she saved us really. I was a complete basket case. The entire experience that started with the stress and anticipation of meeting my father for the first time in my life, then turned into a fight for survival, left me totally out of my mind. My nervous breakdown from that experience landed me in the hospital recovering for a few days.
I never again want to ever see Oceola, Arkansas in my life. Now, we never stop and offer help to anyone on the road. We can't after that experience. We're lucky to have survived. And to this day, not many people know of this horrific event in our life. Even family and friends don't know all of the details, well, they didn't until now. It's not something we really like to talk about. It just not talked about.
So there you have it, something very personal and scary that you didn't know about me. Thanks “Honest Scrap” blog award for inspiring me to share that horrible experience. That should count for more than just one of the ten things, don't you think?
I love life. I love living. And that's why this journey from 505 pounds is so meaningful to me. It's freedom and safety away from the threatening dangers of obesity. We'll no longer be held captive by obesity. It means the world to me. Thanks for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Day 391 Family, Friends, and Past The Point of No Return
Day 391
Family, Friends, and Past The Point of No Return
I consumed little calories today before the performance. I still had enough calories, I was just a little more conservative before the show, because I knew that we were having a post-show cast and crew pizza party. I've heard this little pizza place in Tonkawa is incredible. I had no idea just how good, but more on that later.
I had a bunch of family attend the performance, it was so good to see everyone. Kristen and Rick, Uncle Bob, Aunt JoAnn, Brittany, Garret, Lynn, Larry, Aunt Maxine, and others---they all enjoyed the play! My mom, grandma, Aunt Kelli, Uncle Keith, Aunt Jean from Michigan, and many others are coming next Friday, I can't wait! I really wish my Dad could be there, but I certainly understand, Alabama is a really long drive!
Many theatre people have attended so far, and all have left impressed with the performance. Tonight, several members of the Jewel Box Theatre in Oklahoma City were in attendance. I was hoping to meet another “Hank,” but he wasn't able to attend. The little boy who played “Henny” in the Jewel Box production was there, so that was very cool!
I was so happy to also see Sara Steele in attendance! I met Sara during the “Lose To Win” weight loss seminar program. She's a regular reader of this blog and has become a big supporter and friend. She left a wonderful comment on last night's blog after the show. Here's what she said: Sean, I just got home from the play a while ago. You were amazing! I never expected it to be so good. I hoped, but you just never know with community theater how things will go. Your part was such an emotional one, and it had to be so hard to act "mean!" And I know how draining the emotional scene at the end was.(I played M'Lynn in Steel Magnolias...same deal.) I could not tell who was feeling ill! What a troupe! And that little guy....wow, I could go on. One of my highlights, though, was coming in at the last minute, and sitting down right behind Irene! I was so glad we finally got to meet! Dinner is still on! Sorry Sam couldn't go. He was feeling achey yesterday, so I left him home watching football. Anyway, just wanted all your followers to know you were amazing. And btw, I never saw one TUG! Tucking was great, and Chris was right. So in character! Hope you don't mark "acting" off your "bucket list." You need to do more of this some day!
Thank you Sara, it was a wonderful thing to see you there. I wish Sam could have made it, but I understand. This sickness stuff is going around. Issac is such a good actor, that little boy was actually throwing up back stage between scenes. He said he felt better afterward, but immediately after the show—Jose took him away so he could rest and medicate. Listen Sara, we need to seriously plan that dinner out with Sam and Irene real soon! Don't you dare move off to Texas before we do that, you hear? You don't want to bring out the “Hank” in me! :)
Rachel and Neil attended last night and they were completely blown away by the emotion of it all. Stephanie Williams, the producer, invited the two of them to join some of the cast and crew at our after show dinner, and all was well! (The official cast party has been postponed because of all the illness in our company.) Rachel and Neil were completely drawn into the story. Neil even accidentally cursed quietly after one scene in particular. Thank you Neil, that was a compliment, very appreciated.
We were all in agreement that the pizza place, Gottigos, was exceptional. Oh my, let me tell you something. If you've read the archives, then you know how I feel about Hideaway Pizza in Stillwater. This place was on that level. It was amazing. And I had to honestly count each slice as 350, at least 350...they were that good! I had a couple, then I sampled the apple cinnamon desert pizza. 850 calories is a bunch to spend in one sitting, but I had 1,000 remaining---so I was alright. I don't necessarily like violating my 500 calorie per meal rule, but occasionally circumstances call for some mild leniency. Still within my calorie budget for the day, so no worries. Seriously, no problem at all. I joked with Chris, the Director, about this pizza place being the end of my journey and blog. I would post just one word, Day 391 “Gottigos,” and Chris expressed genuine concern at my joke, to which I assured him that wasn't possible. I'm way past that now, way, way past the point of no return. It feels so good and right to be at this place along the road out.
Thank you so much to “Body By Pizza” for posting the actual calorie counts of the drinks I enjoyed last night in her blog comment. I counted each as 200 calories. She searched it out and discovered that each was only 119 calories! I actually left some calories on the table yesterday! Thank you so much for that information “Body By Pizza!”
I've included some official play photos here. I don't like them all. Being on stage in a simple off-white tee shirt isn't very flattering for me at this point. But you know what? It's a 2X, and that's down from a 6X 391 days ago at 505 pounds. I have to post even the unflattering shots, because, well, just because---I know where I am, I know that there's work to be done to get the kind of body I really want. And you can bet the farm I'll get it. I'll earn it. I'll work hard for it. Keep reading everyday and you'll see. This transformation is far from over. It just keeps getting better and better. Thank you again for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Doris and Hank
Doris, Gramps, Henny, Hank, and Miss Logan
Doris, Henny, Hank, and Miss Logan
Doris, Hank, Henny, and Gramps
Doris and Hank
Doris handing Hank a cup of coffee. “Where's my shirt woman?”
Chris Williams, the Director, is in red holding his “magic stick.” He attached himself to this stick early on during this production. Some of his best direction has come while clutching this stick. The power of the stick has become a magical legend---giving us all super performing abilities for each show. I bet that stick is with him for the next 50 years of his directing career. This photo isn't everyone associated and working on the show. I wish it was. Everyone contributes to the success of this show. It really is magical.
Family, Friends, and Past The Point of No Return
I consumed little calories today before the performance. I still had enough calories, I was just a little more conservative before the show, because I knew that we were having a post-show cast and crew pizza party. I've heard this little pizza place in Tonkawa is incredible. I had no idea just how good, but more on that later.
I had a bunch of family attend the performance, it was so good to see everyone. Kristen and Rick, Uncle Bob, Aunt JoAnn, Brittany, Garret, Lynn, Larry, Aunt Maxine, and others---they all enjoyed the play! My mom, grandma, Aunt Kelli, Uncle Keith, Aunt Jean from Michigan, and many others are coming next Friday, I can't wait! I really wish my Dad could be there, but I certainly understand, Alabama is a really long drive!
Many theatre people have attended so far, and all have left impressed with the performance. Tonight, several members of the Jewel Box Theatre in Oklahoma City were in attendance. I was hoping to meet another “Hank,” but he wasn't able to attend. The little boy who played “Henny” in the Jewel Box production was there, so that was very cool!
I was so happy to also see Sara Steele in attendance! I met Sara during the “Lose To Win” weight loss seminar program. She's a regular reader of this blog and has become a big supporter and friend. She left a wonderful comment on last night's blog after the show. Here's what she said: Sean, I just got home from the play a while ago. You were amazing! I never expected it to be so good. I hoped, but you just never know with community theater how things will go. Your part was such an emotional one, and it had to be so hard to act "mean!" And I know how draining the emotional scene at the end was.(I played M'Lynn in Steel Magnolias...same deal.) I could not tell who was feeling ill! What a troupe! And that little guy....wow, I could go on. One of my highlights, though, was coming in at the last minute, and sitting down right behind Irene! I was so glad we finally got to meet! Dinner is still on! Sorry Sam couldn't go. He was feeling achey yesterday, so I left him home watching football. Anyway, just wanted all your followers to know you were amazing. And btw, I never saw one TUG! Tucking was great, and Chris was right. So in character! Hope you don't mark "acting" off your "bucket list." You need to do more of this some day!
Thank you Sara, it was a wonderful thing to see you there. I wish Sam could have made it, but I understand. This sickness stuff is going around. Issac is such a good actor, that little boy was actually throwing up back stage between scenes. He said he felt better afterward, but immediately after the show—Jose took him away so he could rest and medicate. Listen Sara, we need to seriously plan that dinner out with Sam and Irene real soon! Don't you dare move off to Texas before we do that, you hear? You don't want to bring out the “Hank” in me! :)
Rachel and Neil attended last night and they were completely blown away by the emotion of it all. Stephanie Williams, the producer, invited the two of them to join some of the cast and crew at our after show dinner, and all was well! (The official cast party has been postponed because of all the illness in our company.) Rachel and Neil were completely drawn into the story. Neil even accidentally cursed quietly after one scene in particular. Thank you Neil, that was a compliment, very appreciated.
We were all in agreement that the pizza place, Gottigos, was exceptional. Oh my, let me tell you something. If you've read the archives, then you know how I feel about Hideaway Pizza in Stillwater. This place was on that level. It was amazing. And I had to honestly count each slice as 350, at least 350...they were that good! I had a couple, then I sampled the apple cinnamon desert pizza. 850 calories is a bunch to spend in one sitting, but I had 1,000 remaining---so I was alright. I don't necessarily like violating my 500 calorie per meal rule, but occasionally circumstances call for some mild leniency. Still within my calorie budget for the day, so no worries. Seriously, no problem at all. I joked with Chris, the Director, about this pizza place being the end of my journey and blog. I would post just one word, Day 391 “Gottigos,” and Chris expressed genuine concern at my joke, to which I assured him that wasn't possible. I'm way past that now, way, way past the point of no return. It feels so good and right to be at this place along the road out.
Thank you so much to “Body By Pizza” for posting the actual calorie counts of the drinks I enjoyed last night in her blog comment. I counted each as 200 calories. She searched it out and discovered that each was only 119 calories! I actually left some calories on the table yesterday! Thank you so much for that information “Body By Pizza!”
I've included some official play photos here. I don't like them all. Being on stage in a simple off-white tee shirt isn't very flattering for me at this point. But you know what? It's a 2X, and that's down from a 6X 391 days ago at 505 pounds. I have to post even the unflattering shots, because, well, just because---I know where I am, I know that there's work to be done to get the kind of body I really want. And you can bet the farm I'll get it. I'll earn it. I'll work hard for it. Keep reading everyday and you'll see. This transformation is far from over. It just keeps getting better and better. Thank you again for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Doris and Hank
Doris, Gramps, Henny, Hank, and Miss Logan
Doris, Henny, Hank, and Miss Logan
Doris, Hank, Henny, and Gramps
Doris and Hank
Doris handing Hank a cup of coffee. “Where's my shirt woman?”
Chris Williams, the Director, is in red holding his “magic stick.” He attached himself to this stick early on during this production. Some of his best direction has come while clutching this stick. The power of the stick has become a magical legend---giving us all super performing abilities for each show. I bet that stick is with him for the next 50 years of his directing career. This photo isn't everyone associated and working on the show. I wish it was. Everyone contributes to the success of this show. It really is magical.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Day 390 The Dentist, Another Great Show, and The Quickest 400 Calories Ever
Day 390
The Dentist, Another Great Show, and The Quickest 400 Calories Ever
I spent the entire morning stressing over my dentist visit. I had Lauren Donahue in studio (she plays Doris, Hank's wife in the play I'm doing) for an interview/co-host spot. She did wonderful, but I was horribly off because of my preoccupation with dentist needles and drills. I will say this, Dr. Tyndall is the best dentist I've ever had, he makes it very easy, even for a big baby like me!
I seriously neglected my metabolism today. There's really not a good excuse for not eating something, anything at all, every few hours. I just wasn't prepared. With my breakfast burrito (200 calories) and the two small thin crust slices of veggie pizza from Pizza Hut, I was at 600 calories by 3pm. That's pretty typical for me by 3pm, but the bad part? Uh, I didn't consume any other food until 10:30pm, after the show. I certainly wasn't practicing what I preach with this eating performance today, but again, it's not typical and I know what's right and what's not. These temporary circumstances will soon pass and I'm really anxious to return to my normal routine. It was a busy schedule before all of this!
The play tonight was another wonderful performance. Two cast members and our stage manager were sick, but in the spirit of show business, “the show must go on!” We did avoid our pre-show huddle, and we have plenty of hand sanitizer back stage to prevent the spread of germs. Hopefully everyone will be improved for Saturday night's performance.
After the show, several cast and crew decided to hang out at Chili's, a casual dining restaurant with a menu that bursts at the seams with calories! They do have a few “good choices,” but you really have to look for them! I settled on a cup of chili and some chips and salsa. Irene had a salad and chili with a few chips and salsa.
Afterward, Lauren and her husband Skyler invited us to a place where they do karaoke. It was a little bar on the other side of town. We had never been there before, we really don't go out to bars, never have. But we were game for a little celebratory atmosphere, so we did tonight. With only 400 calories left in my “account” for the day, I certainly wasn't prepared for what happened next. I seriously had planned to only have water and listen to music, and of course—people watch! And then a friend of Lauren and Skyler who attended the play tonight came over to our table with a bunch of drinks. One Vegas Bomb for each of us. Oh boy, I didn't know about this. I'm not a drinker, but I'm not completely opposed to an occasional drink in a social setting. So of course I had to analyze the ingredients in this “Vegas Bomb.” I'd like to report that I calculated the calories before “bottoms up!” I didn't. There wasn't time. What was I suppose to say? “Hold on everyone, just hold up a minute while I calculate the calories in this mixed drink that I was so generously handed.” No, I couldn't do that. We all toasted to a wonderful show and evening and oh my, wow...that's good, a little too good...OK, I hope that drink didn't just kill my last 400 calories! Upon further analysis, I was comfortable placing a 200 calorie value on this drink. Probably the quickest 200 calories I've consumed in the last 390 days. Horrible calorie value, I know! But hey, an occasional mixed drink with friends is something we rarely do, and proof of that came quickly to my 289 pound body—I honestly felt the effects after just one drink. I'm soooo not a drinker! Good thing.
I had decided to stick with water the rest of our visit to this place. I thought about having some popcorn and maybe a Dream Bar later to round out my 1500 calories for the day, but then it happened again! A friend who just happened to be there, along with her husband, both readers of this blog, well---much like the Neals, whom I met last weekend---She reads and occasionally reads it to him and shows him the pictures. What is it with some guys and weight loss blogs? Is it not manly to read a weight loss blog? It's certainly the most manly thing I've ever done! But anyway, these two wonderful people approached our table and insisted on buying Irene and me a shot called “chocolate cake.” Well, there goes my popcorn and Dream Bar! I could have said “no thank you, my calorie account is depleted...But if you'll bring these drinks by our house in the morning I'll have a fresh allotment of calories to use!” So I made the decision to gracefully accept the generous offer. The Chocolate Cake shot is much smaller than the Vegas Bomb from earlier in the evening. No dairy or cake is actually in the thing. It's just a shot, and when you combine the taste of the sugar on the rim, the alcohol, and then bite the lemon---it taste just like a chocolate cake! It was probably less than 200 calories, but I went ahead and gave it that number just to be safe. Can you believe me? 400 calories worth of spirits? But really, it was a responsible display of control while enjoying the company of good friends. It wouldn't be hard to completely wreck a calorie budget at a place like that, ya know?
After our friends left and the place was about to close, I extended my hand and led my beautiful wife onto the dance floor. I've never danced really. But I do in this play, and I did with Irene tonight. She was shocked! We did a country two step. I wasn't wearing boots, but Irene didn't care what I was wearing. We started dancing on the floor, just the two of us, and before you knew it the dance floor was full. We had started something. It was the start of something far greater than just a dance to a random country song, (Bellamy Brothers-Do You Love As Good As You Look?) It was the start of many dances to come our way along this journey. It may not have been the perfect conditions or atmosphere for this moment, but that stuff didn't matter to us. We were moving as one on that hard wood. We were dancing and it was a beautiful thing.
Saturday night will bring a big audience to the theatre for our performance. My cousin Rick Hadley, his wife Kristen (we attended junior high and high school together) their two kids, my uncle Bob, plus cousins Lynn, Larry, Larry's wife, and a few others are coming. Rachel and Neil Bell, good friends and regular readers of this blog will also be in tomorrow tonight. Oh, and get this: The original cast of “Call Me Henry” from it's world premiere at the Jewel Box Theatre in Oklahoma City will attend Saturday evenings performance! How nuts will that be? I'll get to meet another “Hank,” that's so cool.
Originally we were having a cast party at the Directors place immediately afterward, but since a few are sick, that's been postponed. We are having a cast and crew get together at a little pizza place close to the theatre. They'll actually stay open just for us! We'll see how we handle that! I guarantee it will be handled just like every other situation in the last 390 days, with a solid commitment to my calorie budget and an eye for good calorie value. Just don't offer me another 200 calorie mixed drink, please---I don't want to be rude, but I'll say no if I have to! Good times, good times.
Thank you kindly for reading and offering your support on this most wonderful journey out of morbid obesity. From 505 to 230, or whatever looks and feels good---we're getting there one crazy day at a time! Have you read the archives from Day 1? They're listed on the left hand side of this blog in a convenient drop-down menu. It'll really give you the complete perspective of this journey. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
The Dentist, Another Great Show, and The Quickest 400 Calories Ever
I spent the entire morning stressing over my dentist visit. I had Lauren Donahue in studio (she plays Doris, Hank's wife in the play I'm doing) for an interview/co-host spot. She did wonderful, but I was horribly off because of my preoccupation with dentist needles and drills. I will say this, Dr. Tyndall is the best dentist I've ever had, he makes it very easy, even for a big baby like me!
I seriously neglected my metabolism today. There's really not a good excuse for not eating something, anything at all, every few hours. I just wasn't prepared. With my breakfast burrito (200 calories) and the two small thin crust slices of veggie pizza from Pizza Hut, I was at 600 calories by 3pm. That's pretty typical for me by 3pm, but the bad part? Uh, I didn't consume any other food until 10:30pm, after the show. I certainly wasn't practicing what I preach with this eating performance today, but again, it's not typical and I know what's right and what's not. These temporary circumstances will soon pass and I'm really anxious to return to my normal routine. It was a busy schedule before all of this!
The play tonight was another wonderful performance. Two cast members and our stage manager were sick, but in the spirit of show business, “the show must go on!” We did avoid our pre-show huddle, and we have plenty of hand sanitizer back stage to prevent the spread of germs. Hopefully everyone will be improved for Saturday night's performance.
After the show, several cast and crew decided to hang out at Chili's, a casual dining restaurant with a menu that bursts at the seams with calories! They do have a few “good choices,” but you really have to look for them! I settled on a cup of chili and some chips and salsa. Irene had a salad and chili with a few chips and salsa.
Afterward, Lauren and her husband Skyler invited us to a place where they do karaoke. It was a little bar on the other side of town. We had never been there before, we really don't go out to bars, never have. But we were game for a little celebratory atmosphere, so we did tonight. With only 400 calories left in my “account” for the day, I certainly wasn't prepared for what happened next. I seriously had planned to only have water and listen to music, and of course—people watch! And then a friend of Lauren and Skyler who attended the play tonight came over to our table with a bunch of drinks. One Vegas Bomb for each of us. Oh boy, I didn't know about this. I'm not a drinker, but I'm not completely opposed to an occasional drink in a social setting. So of course I had to analyze the ingredients in this “Vegas Bomb.” I'd like to report that I calculated the calories before “bottoms up!” I didn't. There wasn't time. What was I suppose to say? “Hold on everyone, just hold up a minute while I calculate the calories in this mixed drink that I was so generously handed.” No, I couldn't do that. We all toasted to a wonderful show and evening and oh my, wow...that's good, a little too good...OK, I hope that drink didn't just kill my last 400 calories! Upon further analysis, I was comfortable placing a 200 calorie value on this drink. Probably the quickest 200 calories I've consumed in the last 390 days. Horrible calorie value, I know! But hey, an occasional mixed drink with friends is something we rarely do, and proof of that came quickly to my 289 pound body—I honestly felt the effects after just one drink. I'm soooo not a drinker! Good thing.
I had decided to stick with water the rest of our visit to this place. I thought about having some popcorn and maybe a Dream Bar later to round out my 1500 calories for the day, but then it happened again! A friend who just happened to be there, along with her husband, both readers of this blog, well---much like the Neals, whom I met last weekend---She reads and occasionally reads it to him and shows him the pictures. What is it with some guys and weight loss blogs? Is it not manly to read a weight loss blog? It's certainly the most manly thing I've ever done! But anyway, these two wonderful people approached our table and insisted on buying Irene and me a shot called “chocolate cake.” Well, there goes my popcorn and Dream Bar! I could have said “no thank you, my calorie account is depleted...But if you'll bring these drinks by our house in the morning I'll have a fresh allotment of calories to use!” So I made the decision to gracefully accept the generous offer. The Chocolate Cake shot is much smaller than the Vegas Bomb from earlier in the evening. No dairy or cake is actually in the thing. It's just a shot, and when you combine the taste of the sugar on the rim, the alcohol, and then bite the lemon---it taste just like a chocolate cake! It was probably less than 200 calories, but I went ahead and gave it that number just to be safe. Can you believe me? 400 calories worth of spirits? But really, it was a responsible display of control while enjoying the company of good friends. It wouldn't be hard to completely wreck a calorie budget at a place like that, ya know?
After our friends left and the place was about to close, I extended my hand and led my beautiful wife onto the dance floor. I've never danced really. But I do in this play, and I did with Irene tonight. She was shocked! We did a country two step. I wasn't wearing boots, but Irene didn't care what I was wearing. We started dancing on the floor, just the two of us, and before you knew it the dance floor was full. We had started something. It was the start of something far greater than just a dance to a random country song, (Bellamy Brothers-Do You Love As Good As You Look?) It was the start of many dances to come our way along this journey. It may not have been the perfect conditions or atmosphere for this moment, but that stuff didn't matter to us. We were moving as one on that hard wood. We were dancing and it was a beautiful thing.
Saturday night will bring a big audience to the theatre for our performance. My cousin Rick Hadley, his wife Kristen (we attended junior high and high school together) their two kids, my uncle Bob, plus cousins Lynn, Larry, Larry's wife, and a few others are coming. Rachel and Neil Bell, good friends and regular readers of this blog will also be in tomorrow tonight. Oh, and get this: The original cast of “Call Me Henry” from it's world premiere at the Jewel Box Theatre in Oklahoma City will attend Saturday evenings performance! How nuts will that be? I'll get to meet another “Hank,” that's so cool.
Originally we were having a cast party at the Directors place immediately afterward, but since a few are sick, that's been postponed. We are having a cast and crew get together at a little pizza place close to the theatre. They'll actually stay open just for us! We'll see how we handle that! I guarantee it will be handled just like every other situation in the last 390 days, with a solid commitment to my calorie budget and an eye for good calorie value. Just don't offer me another 200 calorie mixed drink, please---I don't want to be rude, but I'll say no if I have to! Good times, good times.
Thank you kindly for reading and offering your support on this most wonderful journey out of morbid obesity. From 505 to 230, or whatever looks and feels good---we're getting there one crazy day at a time! Have you read the archives from Day 1? They're listed on the left hand side of this blog in a convenient drop-down menu. It'll really give you the complete perspective of this journey. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Friday, October 9, 2009
Day 389 Opening Night of a Dream Realized
Day 389
Opening Night of a Dream Realized
I didn't really get nervous until right before “lights up” tonight. I had a nice calm about me as I prepared to make my theatre stage debut. I really called on my experience preparing for stand-up shows, I knew that part of my life would pay off eventually! I would have been a little more rattled had we not rehearsed so much. We were ready tonight. Everyone was just outstanding. That's what is so cool about this play, working with so many talented individuals. Linda Cowley, Carol Harris, Amy Muegge, Jose and Isaac Cervantes, and Lauren Donahue, they're all veteran actors! How can you go wrong surrounded by all of that talent? I've learned something so far from each one of them. And I'm honored that they've welcomed me in such a wonderfully warm way.
I'll get some of the official play photos e-mailed to me. I thought I could just right click and save them from a friends facebook photos, but when I tried to upload them, they were too tiny. I'll get that figured out over the weekend and post some bigger pictures. I did scan in my picture and bio from the actual program. I'm posting it below. I feel so amazing having done this production. It really is something I always wanted to do, and something I couldn't do at over 500 pounds. The crowd giving all of us a standing ovation tonight and all of us bowing together, wow, it was a moment I'll never forget.
I know that it probably seems like I've turned this blog into the “Call Me Henry” blog, but make no mistake---this is a weight loss blog. And experiences like this are what it's all about my friend. Breaking free from morbid obesity and really living the dreams and aspirations we once thought impossible, it's the most amazing thing. Soon the play will close and we'll get back to business as usual around here.
As Jack Sh*t mentioned in his comment on last night's blog, there's still work to do! The eye is on the prize, I'm going all the way! I have just under 60 pounds to go to reach my proclaimed goal of 230. We'll see what weight training has to say about that number—But you can bet, regardless, I'm getting to 230, that goes without saying!
Thank you for reading and thank you for all of the wonderful support and understanding! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
From The official program of “Call Me Henry.” More pictures from the production coming soon!
Opening Night of a Dream Realized
I didn't really get nervous until right before “lights up” tonight. I had a nice calm about me as I prepared to make my theatre stage debut. I really called on my experience preparing for stand-up shows, I knew that part of my life would pay off eventually! I would have been a little more rattled had we not rehearsed so much. We were ready tonight. Everyone was just outstanding. That's what is so cool about this play, working with so many talented individuals. Linda Cowley, Carol Harris, Amy Muegge, Jose and Isaac Cervantes, and Lauren Donahue, they're all veteran actors! How can you go wrong surrounded by all of that talent? I've learned something so far from each one of them. And I'm honored that they've welcomed me in such a wonderfully warm way.
I'll get some of the official play photos e-mailed to me. I thought I could just right click and save them from a friends facebook photos, but when I tried to upload them, they were too tiny. I'll get that figured out over the weekend and post some bigger pictures. I did scan in my picture and bio from the actual program. I'm posting it below. I feel so amazing having done this production. It really is something I always wanted to do, and something I couldn't do at over 500 pounds. The crowd giving all of us a standing ovation tonight and all of us bowing together, wow, it was a moment I'll never forget.
I know that it probably seems like I've turned this blog into the “Call Me Henry” blog, but make no mistake---this is a weight loss blog. And experiences like this are what it's all about my friend. Breaking free from morbid obesity and really living the dreams and aspirations we once thought impossible, it's the most amazing thing. Soon the play will close and we'll get back to business as usual around here.
As Jack Sh*t mentioned in his comment on last night's blog, there's still work to do! The eye is on the prize, I'm going all the way! I have just under 60 pounds to go to reach my proclaimed goal of 230. We'll see what weight training has to say about that number—But you can bet, regardless, I'm getting to 230, that goes without saying!
Thank you for reading and thank you for all of the wonderful support and understanding! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
From The official program of “Call Me Henry.” More pictures from the production coming soon!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Day 388 I Had To Do It and Eating Because of Need
Day 388
I Had To Do It and Eating Because of Need
I've interviewed directors many times over the years on my radio show. Every production that runs around this region, they're either in the studio or on the phone. And I always make mention on the air how much hard work their cast and crew must have invested, but I never really knew what that “investment” meant until now. Tonight was our last pre-open rehearsal. Tomorrow night we'll being in front of a real audience, and tomorrow morning I'll interview another director on my show. This time it'll be my director Chris Williams.
When Chris first suggested I audition for this role, I laughed really hard. My schedule was already packed. I already had eliminated my TV watching and poker playing habits in exchange for working out and writing this blog every evening. Combined with my radio responsibilities, my schedule already had me sleep deprived, albeit because of my poor time management skills and undisciplined sleep schedule---100% self honesty, personal responsibility—right? I had no intention of actually auditioning. I had just mentioned a time or two that acting was something I wanted to try someday. But then the messages started coming from a few friends. “Hey Sean, auditions are August 30th for “Henry,” don't forget!” and similar messages like “You're auditioning for the play right?” And the more messages and time I had to think about it, the more I started considering what it would mean to me to actually get cast. It would be a huge triumph in my life. It would be an amazing reward for my hard work, consistency, and commitment to change. It would be a dream realized, made possible in part by my physical and mental transformation.
Well, it didn't take long to decide that I had to do it, I really needed to do it. As crazy as it sounded on the surface to everyone that knows me personally, each and every one of them also understood the deep personal meaning that doing this play was for me. I owe the ones I love and the people I work with at Team Radio big time for this understanding. Opening night is less than 24 hours away. I'm thrilled!
I made myself eat today. You know what I mean? When you're in a hurry and completely busy and really, you just don't have much time to spare---it's the realization that hey, I need to eat something! Often times it leads to poor choices, but we also understand that making these poor choices isn't typical for us now. We're not above having a half a cookie, a fun size M&M pack of chocolate candies, and a junior burger with mustard from a fast food place. That was my lunch during my four hour broadcast today. Crazy? No, not at all. I was just living within the circumstances of the moment and navigating the choices as best I could. And I could have had as many cookies and candy as I wanted. It wasn't about filling an endless hole full of junk, it was simply “I need to eat something, anything, Ok---this will do.” And it was cool to enjoy these things without any guilt whatsoever.
I must wrap this edition and head to the studio. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
I Had To Do It and Eating Because of Need
I've interviewed directors many times over the years on my radio show. Every production that runs around this region, they're either in the studio or on the phone. And I always make mention on the air how much hard work their cast and crew must have invested, but I never really knew what that “investment” meant until now. Tonight was our last pre-open rehearsal. Tomorrow night we'll being in front of a real audience, and tomorrow morning I'll interview another director on my show. This time it'll be my director Chris Williams.
When Chris first suggested I audition for this role, I laughed really hard. My schedule was already packed. I already had eliminated my TV watching and poker playing habits in exchange for working out and writing this blog every evening. Combined with my radio responsibilities, my schedule already had me sleep deprived, albeit because of my poor time management skills and undisciplined sleep schedule---100% self honesty, personal responsibility—right? I had no intention of actually auditioning. I had just mentioned a time or two that acting was something I wanted to try someday. But then the messages started coming from a few friends. “Hey Sean, auditions are August 30th for “Henry,” don't forget!” and similar messages like “You're auditioning for the play right?” And the more messages and time I had to think about it, the more I started considering what it would mean to me to actually get cast. It would be a huge triumph in my life. It would be an amazing reward for my hard work, consistency, and commitment to change. It would be a dream realized, made possible in part by my physical and mental transformation.
Well, it didn't take long to decide that I had to do it, I really needed to do it. As crazy as it sounded on the surface to everyone that knows me personally, each and every one of them also understood the deep personal meaning that doing this play was for me. I owe the ones I love and the people I work with at Team Radio big time for this understanding. Opening night is less than 24 hours away. I'm thrilled!
I made myself eat today. You know what I mean? When you're in a hurry and completely busy and really, you just don't have much time to spare---it's the realization that hey, I need to eat something! Often times it leads to poor choices, but we also understand that making these poor choices isn't typical for us now. We're not above having a half a cookie, a fun size M&M pack of chocolate candies, and a junior burger with mustard from a fast food place. That was my lunch during my four hour broadcast today. Crazy? No, not at all. I was just living within the circumstances of the moment and navigating the choices as best I could. And I could have had as many cookies and candy as I wanted. It wasn't about filling an endless hole full of junk, it was simply “I need to eat something, anything, Ok---this will do.” And it was cool to enjoy these things without any guilt whatsoever.
I must wrap this edition and head to the studio. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Day 387 Attitude Is Everything and Coming Soon To This Blog
Day 387
Attitude Is Everything and Coming Soon To This Blog
After a week of gloomy news concerning my sister-in-law JoEllen, today's doctor visit provided some hope. The doctor was very optimistic about her treatment. It was a positive thing and I could tell it really lifted JoEllen's spirit. JoEllen is off to Oklahoma City for the next three days for follow-up appointments concerning her eye surgery, a friend of hers picked her up tonight from our house, she left with a super positive feeling about what lies ahead. Attitude is everything isn't it? Thank you for your prayers and thoughts during this difficult time.
Despite the extremely tight schedule, I'm feeling really good these days. I'm well below 300 (289 at last weigh day) and this schedule and play commitment has really been an eye opener to me about good time management. How do some people do this kind of schedule year around? Not me, no! As much as I love what I'm doing right now---I look forward to doing less, much less! And sleeping more, much more!
I arrived home from play rehearsal completely exhausted and totally unable to keep my eyes open. So I opted to sleep instead of write. Actually, it wasn't my choice. My body decided for me. We rest now. OK.
It's nearly time to leave for the studio on this Wednesday morning. Chris, if you're reading and you notice the time stamp at the end says 11:59pm, that's only to ensure the proper date shows for that particular day.
Coming soon to this blog: An interview with Irene Anderson, official play photos, my Honest Scrap Award list of ten things you don't know about me, and a powerful piece I'm writing in my head and will soon put on paper and produce. It's a “time traveling” audio interview over the phone with myself at different points throughout my life of morbid obesity. From an overweight kid to a 500 pound adult, I'll go back and talk with the me of past for a revealing look into what brought me to over 500 pounds and kept me from losing the weight over the years. It's a dramatic concept, and potentially powerful—mind opening stuff. If you've ever said “I wish I knew then what I know know,” then you'll totally “get it.”
Thank you for reading. Some of these I'm looking forward to doing real soon, the interview with me will be a little while after this play closes. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Attitude Is Everything and Coming Soon To This Blog
After a week of gloomy news concerning my sister-in-law JoEllen, today's doctor visit provided some hope. The doctor was very optimistic about her treatment. It was a positive thing and I could tell it really lifted JoEllen's spirit. JoEllen is off to Oklahoma City for the next three days for follow-up appointments concerning her eye surgery, a friend of hers picked her up tonight from our house, she left with a super positive feeling about what lies ahead. Attitude is everything isn't it? Thank you for your prayers and thoughts during this difficult time.
Despite the extremely tight schedule, I'm feeling really good these days. I'm well below 300 (289 at last weigh day) and this schedule and play commitment has really been an eye opener to me about good time management. How do some people do this kind of schedule year around? Not me, no! As much as I love what I'm doing right now---I look forward to doing less, much less! And sleeping more, much more!
I arrived home from play rehearsal completely exhausted and totally unable to keep my eyes open. So I opted to sleep instead of write. Actually, it wasn't my choice. My body decided for me. We rest now. OK.
It's nearly time to leave for the studio on this Wednesday morning. Chris, if you're reading and you notice the time stamp at the end says 11:59pm, that's only to ensure the proper date shows for that particular day.
Coming soon to this blog: An interview with Irene Anderson, official play photos, my Honest Scrap Award list of ten things you don't know about me, and a powerful piece I'm writing in my head and will soon put on paper and produce. It's a “time traveling” audio interview over the phone with myself at different points throughout my life of morbid obesity. From an overweight kid to a 500 pound adult, I'll go back and talk with the me of past for a revealing look into what brought me to over 500 pounds and kept me from losing the weight over the years. It's a dramatic concept, and potentially powerful—mind opening stuff. If you've ever said “I wish I knew then what I know know,” then you'll totally “get it.”
Thank you for reading. Some of these I'm looking forward to doing real soon, the interview with me will be a little while after this play closes. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)