Monday, August 19, 2019

August 19th, 2019 Too High

August 19th, 2019 Too High

Yesterday was a 5-star day: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I enjoyed a good elliptical workout, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

I made it to the RecPlex yesterday afternoon before making my way over to pick up mom for our Sunday outing. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner, conversation, and a nice drive after dinner. We talked about our shared love of music. I turned the radio up and mom started singing along. It's strange, but I don't ever remember seeing or hearing my mom sing. It was a beautiful thing to witness. She was in a good mood and enjoying our visit--plus, she's clearly feeling much better.

During times of intense struggle, especially back in my 500-pound days, I often proclaimed how I "know what to do." My friend Jordan, who's lost an incredible amount of weight with a recovery perspective, has referred to the words, "I know" as the two words that almost killed him. I can totally relate to him. I really didn't know what to do back then or I would have done it. "I know," for me, became the shut-off valve for any kind of positive change.

The problem I believe was pride. I've always considered myself to be somewhat intelligent and articulate. Those two things have helped me in my career path. But my pride for those things almost killed me, too. Things didn't start changing until I stopped long enough to study and listen to people who had what I wanted. Suddenly, I started learning. Suddenly I realized that I clearly didn't know. I also realized that not knowing didn't mean I wasn't smart. It didn't mean I was stupid. It didn't mean I was morally flawed.

Now, what I know and what I thought I knew back then are two very different things. 

I know I'm a food addict. I know food addiction is a disease determined to eventually kill me. I know that when I'm practicing my daily plan and I'm doing well and feeling well, my disease is in the prison yard lifting weights and getting much stronger--just waiting for me to sign its release papers. I know that my challenge each day is to give this daily practice of things the reverence it requires to keep me safe and well.

I don't diet. Diets are made to be casually broken. I must live within this ever-evolving practice, leaning toward a recovery perspective because doing that helps keep me consistent and well.

It's up to me to continue creating the practice of things that best fit me, that way it can be something I'm able to embrace, long-term.

Sustainable, long-term...that's what I want. I know a lot of people that have it. 20 years, 25 years, 30 years of maintaining a healthy body weight. I want what they have, so I'm willing to study what they do, listen to what they say, and do my best to apply those things in my practice.

Often times, intelligence becomes a barrier keeping us from grasping the most simplistic ideas, philosophies, and perspectives. Certainly, it's human nature to complicate. Isn't that an interesting compliment? Think about it...If you're struggling it might just be because you're super-intelligent!!

If we know it all, already, why do we need to consider and appreciate new perspectives?

I DO NOT know it all—and I'm always learning, with an open mind. I'm a student of the experience.

I've studied for over a decade and I still don't "got it." I never will get it and that's okay. I've written it and said it many times: I believe with every fiber of my being if I ever reach the point where I somehow believe there's nothing left to learn along this road--that'll be the beginning of the end. We don't become experts, we simply become experienced. 

All I have is a daily practice, one day at a time, of boundaries and intentional actions.

If I start sacrificing the integrity of this ever-evolving daily practice, I'll slowly but surely, and sometimes quickly, give it all back. The cost of sacrificing my daily practice of things is freedom-mentally, emotionally, and physically. That's too high!




My new website is coming this week! Yay!

I'm all about self-love and acceptance, as long as it doesn't become a convenient excuse/rationalization for inaction. I “loved” myself for years, and I embraced morbid obesity and the behaviors that kept me in a place of acceptance—a place determined to eventually kill me.  One of the greatest expressions of self-love is exploring and accepting the power we hold, to choose change—once and for all, like never before.

Do you own an "I'm Choosing Change" wristband? This wristband can serve as a powerful awareness/mindfulness tool! It certainly does for me. I wear mine proudly, daily, and more and more people are joining me in this movement! Email me and let me know if you want one. I'll send you a secure $15 PayPal invoice and personally ship it to you right away! transformation.road@gmail.com

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
Sean

If you're interested in connecting via social media:
I accept friend requests on MyFitnessPal. My daily food logging diary is set to public.
MFP Username: SeanAAnderson
My Twitter: SeanAAnderson
Facebook: www.facebook.com/seananderson505
Instagram: SeanAAnderson
Also--I'd love you to subscribe to my podcast Transformation Planet! You can find it in Apple Podcasts, in the Google Play store for Android, and listed wherever you find your favorite podcasts! If you haven't listened before, you'll find 20 episodes waiting for you!

Questions or comments? Send an email! transformation.road@gmail.com

Sunday, August 18, 2019

August 18th, 2019 Eighteen Years Later

August 18th, 2019 Eighteen Years Later

Yesterday was a 4-star day: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

After severe weather coverage late last night, after an exceptionally long day--it was a super-short night of rest. The alarm sounded at 5:50am. My early-morning broadcast from the Farmers Market required me to get up and be ready! Being ready for me means making sure I have enough time to properly complete my morning foundational routine and of course, time to get properly caffeinated!!

By the time the broadcast started, I was feeling sharp and on point despite getting to sleep about 2:30am. I was excited about the broadcast and excited because a long-time friend of mine and current member of my private support group was making the trip to Ponca City for a visit! Susan Astramskas is traveling her very own transformation road. In the last year, she's released 111 pounds and counting. She's given me permission to share her name and pictures in this post. You can follow her on Instagram every step of the way, too, at: @susan040864

Susan first came to know me for my stand-up comedy. I was just another comedian at another show her and her friends were enjoying. Something about my standup resonated with her and she made several shows during that period of my life. Who would have ever thought that eighteen years later, we'd be here?
After a big New Years Eve Stand-Up Show-2001


















Yesterday's visit!




















I'm so excited for Susan! She's working her daily practice and generating a lot of enthusiasm for where she's headed. It is an honor to witness and be a part of her incredible story and transformation! When she speaks of her "why" and the positive visualizations for her future, it's difficult to not get emotional. Freedom, in so many ways...it's powerful. She's doing the work, each brand new day. Thank you, Susan!!

Usually, my morning starts with two cups water, then I start the coffee brewing, then I focus on my morning foundational routine. Today was different. Some heavy but not severe storms were moving through, so I did some "non-severe" on-air breaks first-thing. I'm sure I sounded like I'd just got out of bed...because, well, I'd just jumped out of bed! I was able to get that responsibility handled and "restart" my morning. I'm good now.

I plan on doing some much-needed apartment cleaning today, I have a call with the web designer for my new website (coming VERY soon), and I plan to get into the RecPlex this afternoon for a good workout before having dinner out this evening with mom. It'll be a good Sunday! 

DDWL Mailbag:

Via text-
"What about simply loving and accepting ourselves no matter our weight or size? I read a lot of fat-acceptance blogs and they make sense to me. Then I come here and I don't know what to think. Some of your writing gets into my head."--Kimber in Boston

Kimber, first, thank you for reading my blog and thank you for being the first person to ask a question via text to the DDWL and Transformation Planet Hotline! Great question! I recently started adding a small piece about this at the end of each blog posting. In response to your question, I'll expand on it a little and put it up here for this edition.  

"I'm just going to love and accept myself at 500 pounds." --Me, circa early to mid-2000s. In hindsight, I see how I used that statement to release any and all personal responsibility for positive change. It was much easier that way. The gravitational pull toward the line of least resistance became justified in what seemed like a healthy perspective. It wasn't a pure perspective and declaration. It was an out for me to continue my self-destructive food behaviors, but with slightly less guilt and self-loathing, protected by this "cape" of "acceptance." 

Look, I'm all about self-love and acceptance, it's imperative, always...as long as it doesn't become a convenient excuse/rationalization for inaction. I “loved” myself for years, and I embraced morbid obesity and the behaviors that kept me in a place of acceptance at 500 pounds—a place determined to eventually kill me. 

One of the greatest expressions of self-love is exploring and accepting the power we hold, to choose change—once and for all, like never before. It isn't a rejection of our current self, it's self-love, self-care, and self-acceptance for where we are and what we're doing. When we're choosing change, it gives us an opportunity to practice self-love and self-acceptance for a variety of new, sometimes exciting, sometimes challenging and important things along this road. Believe me, underneath these clothes, the scars; the physical aftermath of living at 500 pounds for almost two decades provide me several important opportunities to practice self-love and self-acceptance.

I hope that helps clarify my position on this topic! Thank you, again, Kimber! 

If you have a question, comment, personal epiphany, or anything else you're willing to share, please do via comment, social media message, email, or simply text the DDWL/Transformation Planet Hotline: 580-491-2228.

Social Sean:



My new website is coming this week! Yay!

Do you own an "I'm Choosing Change" wristband? This wristband can serve as a powerful awareness/mindfulness tool! It certainly does for me. I wear mine proudly, daily, and more and more people are joining me in this movement! Email me and let me know if you want one. I'll send you a secure $15 PayPal invoice and personally ship it to you right away! transformation.road@gmail.com

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
Sean

If you're interested in connecting via social media:
I accept friend requests on MyFitnessPal. My daily food logging diary is set to public.
MFP Username: SeanAAnderson
My Twitter: SeanAAnderson
Facebook: www.facebook.com/seananderson505
Instagram: SeanAAnderson
Also--I'd love you to subscribe to my podcast Transformation Planet! You can find it in Apple Podcasts, in the Google Play store for Android, and listed wherever you find your favorite podcasts! If you haven't listened before, you'll find 20 episodes waiting for you!

Questions or comments? Send an email! transformation.road@gmail.com

Saturday, August 17, 2019

August 17th, 2019 Party On

August 17th, 2019 Party On

Yesterday was a 5-star day: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I had plenty of natural exercise at my event last night--mostly in the form of light "dancing" at the DJ table and the constant movement all night, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

Yesterday's schedule was planned, expected, and done. The hour and fifteen-minute nap mid-afternoon was key! Starting the day at 4:30am and ending at almost 2am could've presented many more challenges than it did. The structure of the practice...those intentional actions of planning, staying connected with support and making rest a priority, worked together as the "rails" I needed to help guide me through the day and night. I'm grateful.

It's annual events like last night's Party At The Palace that serve as a wonderful positive affirmation for me and where I am along this road after more than a decade. I lost count, but I believe last night was the 5th or 6th year in a row for me emceeing/DJing this epic fundraiser for the area chamber of commerce. To be able to move, to be that active--and present, to live with freedoms a healthy weight range provides; freedoms most take for granted, is something I don't take lightly.

When you've experienced life at over 500 pounds, the appreciation for the dramatic differences always seem to be running in the background. Creating positive affirmations for this is important for me-- but it isn't about, "look at what I'm doing and what I've accomplished," Uh, no-- I could easily go back the other way, all the way if I decided to lose proper perspective. The most important point of those positive affirmations is found in the gratitude for this daily practice of things that help keep me well.

I had a backup food plan in my man bag just in case the selections weren't in harmony with my food plan. Turns out, the food was pretty much the same as in years past and I was able to assemble a satisfying meal that stayed within my boundaries.

I was on my feet and moving the entire time. So, although there wasn't a formal workout on the books, I certainly believe it's fair of me to count the activity as a decent workout--and appropriate to count the day as "5-star." I was dancing at the DJ table. Couldn't help it! When the music moves you, ya know? I didn't even realize I was moving so much until some colleagues and a couple friends started texting me about my killer moves. Okay, I added the "killer moves" part.

After a midnight run to Walmart for a few necessities, I arrived home at around 12:20am. Then, as if the day wasn't long enough already, Mother Nature decided to create severe thunderstorms... for which I was immediately activated to the studio for on-air coverage. Thankfully, that coverage didn't last too long before the storms started quieting down from severe status to a much lesser status. I was able to crawl into bed a little after 2am.

Why am I up so early? I was up at 6am in order to have enough time to do my morning foundational routine ahead of this morning's location broadcast from the Farmer's Market. There will be a Saturday afternoon nap at some point, I'm fairly certain. I have complimentary tickets for the big Foreigner concert tonight, but I may gift those to someone else, I haven't decided just yet.

A pic collage and dinner from last night's event:


   





































If you have a question, comment, personal epiphany, or anything else you're willing to share, please do via comment, social media message, email, or simply text the DDWL/Transformation Planet Hotline: 580-491-2228.

My new website is coming next week! Yay!

I'm all about self-love and acceptance, as long as it doesn't become a convenient excuse/rationalization for inaction. I “loved” myself for years, and I embraced morbid obesity and the behaviors that kept me in a place of acceptance—a place determined to eventually kill me.  One of the greatest expressions of self-love is exploring and accepting the power we hold, to choose change—once and for all, like never before.

Do you own an "I'm Choosing Change" wristband? This wristband can serve as a powerful awareness/mindfulness tool! It certainly does for me. I wear mine proudly, daily, and more and more people are joining me in this movement! Email me and let me know if you want one. I'll send you a secure $15 PayPal invoice and personally ship it to you right away! transformation.road@gmail.com

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
Sean

If you're interested in connecting via social media:
I accept friend requests on MyFitnessPal. My daily food logging diary is set to public.
MFP Username: SeanAAnderson
My Twitter: SeanAAnderson
Facebook: www.facebook.com/seananderson505
Instagram: SeanAAnderson
Also--I'd love you to subscribe to my podcast Transformation Planet! You can find it in Apple Podcasts, in the Google Play store for Android, and listed wherever you find your favorite podcasts! If you haven't listened before, you'll find 20 episodes waiting for you!

Questions or comments? Send an email! transformation.road@gmail.com

Friday, August 16, 2019

August 16th, 2019 Consistency Beats Intensity

August 16th, 2019 Consistency Beats Intensity

Yesterday was a 5-star day: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I rocked an intense elliptical workout at the RecPlex, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

The workout last night was incredible. I played with the intensity/resistance levels--and oh my...uh, yeah...these new machines don't mess around. 

My morning foundational routine is complete, my food is packed and planned, and I'm ready for what will be a long Friday. I'm emceeing/DJing a huge event tonight, so it'll be a late one!

Consistency beats intensity. Consistency brings incredible things. How do we get it? 

The following excerpt from the archives, like everything else from this blog, comes from my experience. I was 83 pounds heavier when this was written. I had lost nearly 100 pounds of my relapse/regain weight by mid-October 2014.

Everything--the experience, the philosophy, the practices--everything in the below post still applies. Almost everything: I did edit out a small part of a paragraph about a previous relationship I was in at the time of its publishing. It was very positive--but not appropriate to republish.

From October 8th, 2014:

I believe we get what we give. The more we put into something, the more we get out of it. I want consistent results, so I give myself extraordinary care, consistently. It isn't always easy. It's certainly not as simple as saying. "I'm going to be consistent from here on out!" Don't we wish it were that easy? It's about maintaining a daily practice of things.

As I analyze the fundamentals of what I've been doing in my recovery mode, I realize I've built a system that works for me. It's a system of accountability, support, and open communication. In relapse, two of these three things were non-existent. I shut down my accountability and isolated, I may have communicated some, but not about my struggles. The support was always there but largely ignored, by my own choosing, so it wasn't effective.

Being consistent during this turnaround from the regain has required me to elevate my accountability. Sharing food and measurements via social media has been and continues to be a part of that accountability. I was resistant to the idea at first, fearing it would be a huge hassle. It's actually a complete pleasure and it's inspired me to eat better! I take my time in choosing, preparing and eating my food. I enjoy it more. I flipped that perspective and made it important.

I've recognized and accepted support in many forms. Your readership is support, your comments are support and I've established a list of people I know I can text or call anytime, night or day if I'm needing someone to talk me through a tough time or talk me out of a drive-through.

Open and honest communication--basically, the opposite of isolating, is crucial for consistency. In the dark depths of my relapse period, nobody knew how bad it had become because I was alone when I did what I was doing with food. It was my secret trip to the ice cream place every night before bed. Nobody knew, not my daughters, mom or anyone close to me. I was consistently in "hiding." Now, if those feelings/compulsions to binge show up--I pick up the phone and reach out for "spot support." Gerri Helms has been there for me on numerous occasions. And I have others who are ready if I need them. And I will, I'm sure--at some point. On the other hand--I'm also available for them, anytime.

Keeping things simple is a major part of the foundation making consistency possible. I don't get too technical. I don't crunch the numbers or get into confusing plans or patterns. I simply eat as well as I can and desire and I make time for exercise. I have some personal food rules, of course: No sugar, I avoid trigger foods, measuring is very important and proper portion control is a must. I make sure I'm eating things I truly enjoy. And I'm not afraid to be repetitious in my selections, especially with breakfast and lunch. If I get tired of something, I'll naturally shift to other things. If I don't get tired of it and I enjoy it, then what's not good about that?

Simple, simple, simple...It is crucial to maintaining consistency. We're the ones who make the rules--if we keep the rules simple to follow--then our chances of maintaining consistency goes up dramatically. And as we develop along the way--we can get as fancy and as specialized as we want and need, when we're ready. It's a natural evolution of good choices. Not a sudden and dramatic change where we expect to be a completely different person as soon as we wake up on our pre-determined start day.

My focus on consistency isn't long term. It's today. I want to make today a good day. I want to hit the pillow tonight, knowing that I gave it my best shot--my honest to goodness, best. Not perfect, mind you--rather, the best I could do today. I want to do that again tomorrow. It feels good!! We gain momentum in either direction, good or not as good. Our choices lead to more like choices.

Big time accomplishments are not done all at once. It's a collection of much smaller accomplishments, each of which contributes in a positive way to the bigger goal ahead. I'm setting small, doable goals--and hitting them square with everything I can. And I'm getting back some wonderful results in return. You get what you give, it's a universal truth.

The DDWL Mailbag:
(Referring to blog post "What Is True?" dated August 12th) "Sean - when you wrote "regardless of your relationship status" that really hit home. My relationship's just fine, but all relationships - spouses, parents, children, grandchildren - have their ups and downs. You made me realize that I've been looking to those relationships to define my happiness and they are so out of my control. It made me realize that it is the constants within me that enable those relationships and I have to look for and nourish them. As always, you are truly insightful. Thanks."-Jeanne

If you have a question, comment, personal epiphany, or anything else you're willing to share, please do via comment, social media message, email, or simply text 580-491-2228.




My new website is coming next week! Yay!

I'm all about self-love and acceptance, as long as it doesn't become a convenient excuse/rationalization for inaction. I “loved” myself for years, and I embraced morbid obesity and the behaviors that kept me in a place of acceptance—a place determined to eventually kill me.  One of the greatest expressions of self-love is exploring and accepting the power we hold, to choose change—once and for all, like never before.

Do you own an "I'm Choosing Change" wristband? This wristband can serve as a powerful awareness/mindfulness tool! It certainly does for me. I wear mine proudly, daily, and more and more people are joining me in this movement! Email me and let me know if you want one. I'll send you a secure $15 PayPal invoice and personally ship it to you right away! transformation.road@gmail.com

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
Sean

If you're interested in connecting via social media:
I accept friend requests on MyFitnessPal. My daily food logging diary is set to public.
MFP Username: SeanAAnderson
My Twitter: SeanAAnderson
Facebook: www.facebook.com/seananderson505
Instagram: SeanAAnderson
Also--I'd love you to subscribe to my podcast Transformation Planet! You can find it in Apple Podcasts, in the Google Play store for Android, and listed wherever you find your favorite podcasts! If you haven't listened before, you'll find 20 episodes waiting for you!

Questions or comments? Send an email! transformation.road@gmail.com





Copyright © 2008-2019 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.