Sunday, June 17, 2018

June 17th, 2018 Zeroed

June 17th, 2018 Zeroed

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

I've stayed zeroed in on my daily plan practice lately for good reason. "Zeroed in" means staying connected with support friends, taking a little more time with meditation and prayer, and making sure I'm also doing the other things I need to do in order to keep me well.

Look, I've struggled with how to share this on the blog, but it's important that I share it--not in great detail, mind you, out of respect for her, but at least share it so you'll know why lately, I haven't felt like writing too much. My relationship with Cindy has, unfortunately, ended.

As a first-class emotional/stress eater, it takes an enormous amount of effort to do positive and supportive things instead of self-destructive things. If you've read every single day of this blog, you know this isn't the first time--it isn't even the third time...anyway, I'm looking at my side of the street in all this and realizing, I need to work on me some more before I'm truly ready for a happy, healthy relationship.

Things didn't go as planned today. But it was okay. My youngest daughter had to cancel our visit--totally understandable!!! Courtney has her hands full with three little ones! I picked up mom for her weekly trip out and about. Mom and I enjoyed a meal together before stopping in for a good visit with my oldest daughter, my little granddaughter Raegan, and first-time father, KL. You can tell KL is loving being a dad. I wished him a happy first Father's Day and he beamed.

I'm a little bit blue this evening and that's normal, okay, and it'll pass.

On a brighter note--my goodness, that article from NBC has made its way around. Judging from the dramatic increase in pageviews and social media connections, there's plenty of new readers on this blog. If you're one of them, welcome!! I'm glad you're here! As you can tell, it gets very real around here every now and then.

If you're reading on a mobile device, you might not be able to see the archives--but on a desktop or laptop view, and maybe a tablet, you should see the archives listed on the left-hand side of the screen. They're indexed by year, month, and day, all the way back to Day 1 at 505 pounds on September 15th, 2008.  I can't believe it's been almost ten years. Wow.

You're also invited to connect with me on Twitter: @SeanAAnderson  MyFitnessPal username is SeanAAnderson. You can friend me on Facebook and check out the 17 episodes (so far) of my podcast Transformation Planet wherever you find your favorite podcasts!

Today's Featured Tweet:


Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Saturday, June 16, 2018

June 16th, 2018 Opportunity To Share

June 16th, 2018 Opportunity To Share

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

A big thank you goes to NBC News and writer Stephanie Thurrott for a wonderful article about my story! You can click on this link to read: NBC News article It was actually released yesterday afternoon but I didn't know it until this morning. It certainly explained a sudden and dramatic increase in pageviews and social media interactions! I'm grateful for the opportunity to share the details of my story and I hope it helps someone in a dramatic way.

I had a location broadcast from a grocery store today. I really love these broadcasts because I get to shop while I'm working. I was on-air while pushing my shopping cart around grabbing deals!

I'm not sure what the plans will be for tomorrow's Father's Day festivities. I do plan on seeing my daughters and grandkids at some point.

Food today was exceptional. I prepared all three meals at home in anticipation of a restaurant meal tomorrow.

Today's Featured Tweets:


Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Friday, June 15, 2018

June 15th, 2018 Sugar, Sugar

June 15th, 2018 Sugar, Sugar

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

I've written about my abstinence from sugar and how it's given me a peace and calm like I've never known. It's not something necessary for everyone. You may not have the reactions I do when you consume sugar. Arriving at this point in my journey has required a bunch of trial and error, or more accurately, a bunch of denial and struggle. I'm glad I've experienced things this way, though. Because without the trials, the struggles--I wouldn't be where I am today. And I love where I am today.

If you're not someone affected by sugar, like me, good! For you, moderation is key. After experiencing the last more than four years without sugar and the resulting peace and calm--I've never been surer of its effects on me. When denial and struggle is replaced with the positive perspective of peaceful acceptance, it's life-changing, certainly has been for me.

Here's my deal with sugar:

Restrictions.
This was one of the biggest points of contention for me since I started losing weight in 2008.
I lost 275 pounds eating cake, ice cream and desserts--all within reasonable portions at appropriate times. Using prior success as a reference, It made it very hard to get to a place of acceptance for abstinence.

How did I stay consistent for as long as I did, despite all the sugary foods in moderation?

In hindsight, I clearly see how my support and accountability system importance level was set so high, I didn't dare give in to the struggle, temptation and the obsessive like attraction to "getting more." There were a lot of prayers and meditation--surrounding myself with people, instead of isolating--and connecting as much as possible with a variety of support sources.

When I basically abandoned almost every support and accountability component I had leaned on for so long--then it was a very different dynamic.

When the biochemical reactions of sugar addiction swirled through my brain, I followed its lead without question--as if possessed. I traded one struggle for another. Instead of struggling against the compulsions to binge, I gave in--then struggled with the regret, shame, and embarrassment associated with weight gain and the guilt associated with doing the very things I wanted to be diametrically opposed.

I was very much NOT wanting to let go of the sugar or, the option to enjoy it occasionally in portioned doses. My denial was slowly revealed and chipped away by learning. What ended up happening is, I kept researching the effects of sugar, specifically the addictive nature of it, and then as if I was destined to hear--I kept having conversations with people in recovery from food addiction---people who have what I want--years of recovery and maintenance behind them--and 100% of them said the same thing in relation to sugar and how it creates a biochemical reaction in our brains---and then sets off the addictive cycle of, "I gotta have more and NOW!!!!" 

Will I ever go back to eating ice cream, cakes and other sugar-laden things? I pray I never do. My short answer is no, I don't plan on ever going back. I now know, understand and appreciate what I must do in order to stay abstinent.  I also know that if I ever decide to abandon the principles and daily practices of my personal recovery, I'll surely go straight back to the very familiar reality of an unmanageable and chaotic existence.

It's important to note that fortunately, not everyone is a food and/or sugar addict. For some, the basic fundamentals of eating less, exercising more and developing an "in moderation" approach to food is the answer. I wanted it to be my answer. And as much as I wanted to wish it into being--summoning the law of attraction and constantly telling myself I was someone who could be okay with a non-addict approach to recovery--I finally realized it wasn't me. And it's okay. I'm okay. And I have a wonderful, rich and fulfilling life ahead of me without sugar.

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Thursday, June 14, 2018

June 14th, 2018 Tweet Only

June 14th, 2018 Tweet Only

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

Featured Tweet:


Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

June 13th, 2018 Awakening

June 13th, 2018 Awakening

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

I didn't write this--but I love it. I shared it years ago on this blog--thought it was a good time to share it again.

"The Awakening"

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out… ENOUGH! Enough fighting, crying, blaming, and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change. Or, for happiness, safety, and security to appear over the next horizon as if by magic.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you. And, in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are, and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you, or didn’t do for you. You learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean, or mean what they say. That not everyone will always be there for you, and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own. You learn to take care of yourself, and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers. You begin to accept people as they are. To overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process peace and contentment are born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing. You begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything. It’s not your job to save the world, and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are, not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty, so you take more time to rest. You learn that just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So, you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for. That wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into, and through your fears, because you know that whatever may happen, you can handle it. You learn that to give in to fear is to give away your right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life. Not to squander it by living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair. You don’t always get what you think you deserve. That sometimes, bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. You learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you, and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected. If not, they will suffocate the life out of you. They will poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted. The things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself. You make yourself a promise to never betray yourself. To never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling. To keep trusting. To stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand. You take a deep breath. You begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

June 12th, 2018 Very Special

June 12th, 2018 Very Special

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

I was invited to a special dinner tonight with family. Mom was planning to go but she wasn't feeling too well.

It was a very nice experience! My two daughters and all four grandchildren were there--it was very special! Little blessings, each one!!

Oliver!!
























Phoebe and Raegan
























Noah and I love to make faces!





















Today's Featured Tweet:


Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Monday, June 11, 2018

June 11th, 2018 Rogue

June 11th, 2018 Rogue

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

It's been a really good day. Headed to bed very soon!

I got a haircut and eyebrow trim and wax today. It was getting out of control. I noticed my left eye hurting yesterday and I couldn't figure out why until I looked closely in the mirror and discovered a rogue eyebrow hair (among a bushy bunch of rogue hairs) had grown down and was literally poking me in the eye. I paused and pondered, "Did this ever happen to Andy Rooney?"

My eyebrow was attacking me.

Today's trim and unibrow waxing were long overdue and well worth the extra ten bucks. Although I wasn't quite ready for the sidebrow scaping--you see, I was so overdue for this--and my hair grows wildly and quickly, so the eyebrow had actually grown longer down the sides. I've never experienced that before. I can take the wax ripping on the unibrow because the skin is tighter on that spot. But man, my word--when she ripped the sidebrow wax... have mercy!!!! There may have been tears. Let's just call 'em watery eyes.

As the stylist cut my hair, I noticed large amounts of hair on the cape thingy and at one point questioned, "Is that all my hair?" As if she would somehow throw other people's hair on me. "Of course it's your hair," she replied. "There's a lot of white or gray hairs in these clumps." She calmly explained how "I'm cutting the same hairs a couple or three times, so it looks like more." I'm not ready for gray or, oh my goodness--white!!! I'm 46 dang it!!! She reminded me that no matter the speed of the change, at least it appears as though I'll have plenty of hair. Okay-- I guess that needs to go on my gratitude list. 

Today's Featured Tweets:




Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Sunday, June 10, 2018

June 10th, 2018 Okay With That

June 10th, 2018 Okay With That

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

I slept in today--really well. It was good rest and I certainly needed it, but it really tilted my food schedule today. I ended up almost 500 under budget. I'm going to be okay with that today. It's fine. I enjoyed an apple and natural peanut butter as my last food of day--and I'm good.

Mom and I enjoyed dinner out this evening followed by a visit with Amber, KL, and an almost three-month-old Raegan. Oh my--she's adorable!!! That little sweetheart melts my heart!

Today's featured Tweet:


Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Saturday, June 9, 2018

June 9th, 2018 Good Place To Stop

June 9th, 2018 Good Place To Stop

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

This entire journey is full of wonderment and new discoveries along the way. There are the purely physical discoveries, like the time I alarmingly asked my doctor about the large, hard "growth" in the center of my chest, only to be introduced to my sternum. Or the first time I marveled at feeling my rib cage, or laying on my side and seeing my hip bone for the first time in decades...I just laid there and felt it in total astonishment. Those are fun, indeed.

Some of the most revealing and important discoveries have little to do with the physical and everything to do with the mental/emotional aspects of it all. Like getting all the way to a predetermined number, but still feeling the same inside despite the compliments and how many bones you can see and feel. This is where it gets challenging.

Sticking to a plan, remaining consistent and getting results is a challenge, but nothing like the challenge of changing a lifetime perception of oneself. The mind doesn't gradually change along with the numbers on the scale. Often times, we'll look for increased validation from others, in hopes we'll be convinced of our worthiness of love and acceptance. The problem with this strategy is, even when we're receiving genuine adoration, compliments, praise, and validation, none of it counts if we have a voice inside negating every word.

We can't pretend to believe something we don't. We can try, but it's a thinly layered facade at best and it doesn't take long for our most genuine feelings about ourselves--the ones with all of the emotional anchors--to override our systems, and set us back to where we started. It's interesting because, often times we're searching for something from others, that we haven't taken the time to recognize and give, unconditionally, to ourselves.

As we proceed to take extraordinary care, we quickly realize the importance of self-honesty with our food and exercise choices. Leveling the same brand of self-honesty to the emotional side of things can be a difficult bridge to cross, but one worth crossing. And even after we cross that bridge, we're still capable of retreating back across if we don't make this inner exploration critically important.

If our list of weight loss goals and expectations include finally feeling good about ourselves, then that, in my opinion, is a good place to stop and evaluate the mental/emotional aspects of this journey we're on.

You're good, right now. All of the critical judgments you're making completely miss the point of who you are and what you're all about. We've heard the expression, "it's what's on the inside that counts," and still, we're often too preoccupied with the outside to fully grasp the meaning.

I'm not saying the physical changes aren't important. I'm simply saying it's important to embrace this: The wonderful elements inside us do not improve when the scale goes down and they don't decline when the scale goes up. The physical side of this journey provides better health and increased mobility. The mental/emotional side can provide the most dramatic transformation of all. Because if we exercise this area of personal introspective study, we're in effect, fortifying our position and giving ourselves the greatest chance at success beyond whatever predetermined number or outward sign of success we're after.

I've experienced all of this first hand. I'm a student along this road and I'm always learning. I didn't expect this journey to become such a deep kind of thing. If you've read the archives of this blog from Day 1, you can tell--I didn't know where I was headed beyond the smaller numbers, smaller body, and smaller clothes. Discovering, then dealing with the elements beyond the superficial isn't easy sometimes, or ever. But it's worth the effort. We're worth it. I'm worth it. You're worth it.

If we give ourselves this loving attention first and foremost, the ride will be much smoother down the road.

If you're disgusted with yourself, it's time to forgive. If you're ashamed of your regain, it's time to forgive. If you constantly beat yourself up for perceived failings along the way, it's time to stop. It's time to forgive. It's time to get real. It's time to embrace, you. You deserve this level of love and care. Stop denying yourself. We're all human. And as humans with human emotions, we crave love, acceptance, connections, and certainty. Finding these things within, giving them to ourselves first--changes everything and allows us to recognize it from others down the road, a little easier.

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Friday, June 8, 2018

June 8th, 2018 All The Difference

June 8th, 2018 All The Difference

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

I poured myself into my work and into my daily practice today--and it helped tremendously. My broadcast tonight went very well. I made it to the store, grabbed a few things I needed for the dinner I planned and made it home to prepare a late on-plan dinner.

I've focused on my food plan today, making sure it's tight. And today it was. I also focused on support--just staying in contact with support friends makes all the difference.

Today's featured Tweets:


Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean





Copyright © 2008-2018 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.