Thursday, September 21, 2017

September 21st, 2017 Capable

September 21st, 2017 Capable

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded today's water goal, and I stayed connected with support.

Today was one of those rare days with weekday afternoon location broadcasts. I had a big lunch in order to hold me until a later dinner because I was hell-bent on getting a short nap as soon as I made it home late afternoon. This was not the best decision, at all. I was out for too long. Prepared a late dinner and now, as a consequence, I'm up too late. Silver lining--I'll have a regular workday tomorrow.

This trek is far from perfect, that's for certain! And my personal plan, as much as it's working well in the food department, needs some improvements--clearly. It'll never be perfect and that's a relief.

However, I'm honest enough with myself to know I'm capable of better.

But I'm good at the moment--I have plenty of blessings and lots of gratitude.

I stopped by mom's this evening for a nice visit. She was out walking laps around the halls of the facility. She's doing very well!

Today's Accountability Tweets:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

September 20th, 2017 Late

September 20th, 2017 Late

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with support.

Late night!

I'm letting the Tweets tell the tale tonight.

Today's Accountability Tweets:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

September 19th, 2017 Wasn't A Straight Shot

September 19th, 2017 Wasn't A Straight Shot

Last Friday was a very special day on this blog--and I suppose I was too busy to notice. I missed my nine-year blogiversary! This blog is growing up so fast!!! :)

Flashback--
Day 1 September 15th, 2008:

Today was the all-important day #1 of a long hard battle. Losing weight is something that I've always known how to do, but just didn't do. Oh yeah, I did lose 115 pounds back in 2004--But I gained it all back and then some. And honestly, I think my family is tired of hearing "someday." I know I am.

I also know that losing weight and being healthy and looking good will have tremendously positive effects on every aspect of my life. I've always known that. I firmly believe that I've allowed my weight to hold me back in my career, and more importantly: It's held my family back from fully enjoying life. That's pretty big stuff.

I'm writing this blog as a self-motivation tool. I need to write, I need to express my feelings and experiences, I need to continually remind myself of what I need to do and keep doing. That's what this blog is all about. If you read this blog and have a laugh or feel inspired to lose weight too, then it's all the better! But I'm doing it for me. And by doing it for me, I'm also doing it for my beautiful wife and two daughters. 

How important is it that I lose the weight now? Well...every now and then I daydream a nightmare where I envision my family at my funeral. I know...it's dark! And very scary. But every time I have a little pain I wonder, is this it? Am I about to collapse? Will my funeral be Thursday?? That's very depressing and scary stuff. But when you're as big as I am, it's something that you have to think about all the time. 

Again, the question comes: Then why is it so hard to lose the weight? 

Well, it's hard because there are so many psychological factors that play a part in our daily choices. I eat because it tastes good...I eat because I'm stressed out over something...I eat because "we're celebrating"...I eat because it's much easier to eat whatever you want than count calories and make healthy choices. 

I never exercise on purpose because it's way easier to not. 

But all of this must change. 

I convinced myself that my eating and lack of exercise was controlled by my stress level and emotions. So surely I can convince myself that despite a high-stress life, I can still eat less and workout. And that's exactly how to lose weight. Eat less and workout. I don't want a surgery or a lap band or anything other than complete control of myself.

This is all about making choices. Every choice we make has a consequence...some good, some bad...Some really good, Some very, very bad. Choices and consequences, that's what it's all about.

So what am I doing? I'm choosing 1500 calories a day and exercise. I've proven this combination works for me (see 2004 reference above). Tomorrow I weigh. I'm really scared at what I might weigh. I guarantee it'll be more than you think. But one thing I promise in this blog...I'll put it all out there...As much as it might be embarrassing to announce my weight tomorrow night, I will. I have to...because I must make myself accountable. I know it will be over 500 pounds...It will for sure. I'll report on my weigh in tomorrow night.

Today was day 1. A successful day 1. 

I even turned down fresh baked Otis Spunkmeyer cookies! Ya see my bank has cookie days every Monday and Friday...so naturally, I do all my banking on those days, because even though you're supposed to come inside to get the free cookies, they know me so well, that they will send them through the tube in the drive-through. 

Today was cookie day, and without my asking, they sent me some cookies with my cash. It was a test! I politely declined the cookies and pushed the button jetting them back to the teller. I explained to a shocked panel of tellers that I was trying to count calories, and although I can have 1500 a day, I couldn't waste 250 on that delicious little cookie. Day 1 and already a test of willpower. This is gonna be fun.

I look forward to this blog. I believe it will help me stay on track and maybe along the way it will inspire someone else to stay on track.

--------------------------------------------------------
I just love the way I thought I had it all figured out on Day 1. Clearly, I had much to learn nine years ago--still do as far as that's concerned, but it's fun for me to go back and read some of those early pages. Some of it makes me cringe. A lot of it makes me smile. 

Regardless, I'm incredibly blessed and grateful to be here, in maintenance mode, nine years later. It certainly wasn't a straight shot, was it? Oh no...not at all.  But a straight shot wouldn't have been good for me.

It's the challenges, the ups and downs--the struggles--the opportunity to grow, stop, pause, look around--take another approach and discover what works well and what doesn't--these are the things that bring the biggest gifts along the way. It's interesting to me how attitude and perspective work. Things once perceived as failures, transform into the most powerful learning opportunities.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with good support.

Sincerely, thank you for reading and supporting this blog all these years!

Today's Accountability Tweets:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Monday, September 18, 2017

September 18th, 2017 We Are Worthy

September 18th, 2017 We Are Worthy

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with support.

Time for a DDWL flashback from the archives--

Every once in a while, I hear it: "Congratulations, you look great. You're so strong," or a similar quote. I accepted a version of this today from someone who I ran into at the grocery store, whom I hadn't seen in years. I don't think they're remotely aware of the relapse and regain period of this journey. I gracefully accepted the compliment with a "thank you, very much! I feel great too!"

Accepting a compliment and saying thank you instead of first listing off all of the reasons you believe their perception is inaccurate--is tough to do. It's important to embrace, though. I've found the urge to discount or immediately deny compliments have faded, but I still feel a little twinge in that direction. Old habits die hard.

Are we not worthy? It's not that, really. Yes, we are worthy. But I tend to examine things a little deeper, especially this notion that I'm super strong along this road. I have a tremendous amount of respect for the fragility of peace. It can be wiped away quickly. One day at a time is the truth.

Let me explain, please.

And keep in mind, I'm not discounting my success and where I am or what I'm doing. I'm simply offering perspective to this compliment I seem to attract every now and again.

Am I strong? Or have I just learned and put into practice the power of structure? Without the support structure of my fundamental elements, I'm not strong at all. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know exactly what happened when I abandoned my "rails of support." I gained back 164 pounds. I suppose I don't do anything small.

The message here is to build your system. Find what works for you. Lean on the elements you need to keep you motivated and focused toward your extraordinary care. Never underestimate the power of support from others. When we try to do this alone is precisely the moment it gets super hard. Perhaps I'm strong at building my support structure. But on my own, I'm not strong at all. I'm affected, I'm complicated and most of all, I'm human.

But if I see you out and about and you offer me a compliment like the one described above, I'll not disagree with you. I'll gracefully accept your compliment. And if you're searching for the same strength, I'll encourage you, too. Because it's in you, I know it is.

It truly isn't about building up enough strength to go it alone. It's about strengthening your rails of support. Build your support structure. Don't be afraid of accountability measures, just make sure they're designed to hold you accountable to something you can sustain long-term.

Today's Accountability Tweets:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Sunday, September 17, 2017

September 17th, 2017 Managed

September 17th, 2017 Managed

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with support.

I slept in like a bear. It wasn't too long after I got up when I realized I needed to run to the studio to get some work finished that couldn't wait (translation: I forgot to get it done!). I pushed back breakfast to the point of it being referred to as brunch. This tilted my food schedule. It happens occasionally. I managed.

By the way, last night's "this is 1 of 21 meals I'll eat this week," is something I learned from Life Coach Gerri. I've learned a bunch of things from her--my goodness, to be honest, without her influence, I don't think I'd be at a healthy weight. The list of perspectives and the phrases that help understand the perspectives better is a long, long list I've learned from Gerri.

I picked up mom for a little shopping trip to Walmart and dinner out at our favorite Mexican restaurant. It was quality time. We took a drive after dinner and just enjoyed each other's company and conversation.

It was a decent day!

Today's Accountability Tweets:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Saturday, September 16, 2017

September 16th, 2017 Not A Big Deal

September 16th, 2017 Not A Big Deal

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal by a lot, and I stayed well connected with good support.

Today was the last day for me to broadcast from the big fair. This evenings broadcast started with picking up my oldest daughter and ended with a trip to pick up my grandson Noah for some fun at the fair! I decided my dinner would be something at the fair and it was, although it wasn't what I had planned. I planned on fried green tomatoes and alligator meat for dinner, but the line and wait were simply too long. I settled for something else and it worked. It wasn't what I wanted but it's only one of twenty-one meals I'll eat this week--in other words, not a big deal!

The focus and attention was on Noah, not the food.
He noticed another kid with a face painting--and that's what he wanted!
























He won a big prize on his first attempt!
























Amber and Me. We had a beautiful time at the fair!




















I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning. Today was a good one!

Today's Accountability Tweets:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Friday, September 15, 2017

September 15th, 2017 Even Still

September 15th, 2017 Even Still

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with support.

I've had some long days on several occasions, but today was exceptional. I started at 4:15am, was able to come home just long enough to fix some coffee before my location broadcast this afternoon, then it was a grocery stop, a 30-minute visit with mom, and another hour back at the studio finishing a few things. It made for a late dinner.

Even still, it was a good day. It was a productive day--and it was both, despite not feeling my best.

I'm really looking forward to sleeping in as late as I can tomorrow morning.

Today's Accountability Tweets:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Thursday, September 14, 2017

September 14th, 2017 Crud Of Late

September 14th, 2017 Crud Of Late

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with support contacts.

This crud of late is persisting. It made for somewhat of a challenging broadcast from the fair this afternoon. I 'turned it on' and made it through, but I'll tell you--it was not good. My stomach feels fine, it's congestion, stuffy head, and sinus pressure type stuff.

I took some medicine and fell asleep on the couch after dinner and now I'm up long enough to post this and drop in bed.

Today's Accountability Tweets:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

September 13th, 2017 So I Don't Miss It Now

September 13th, 2017 So I Don't Miss It Now

I have a lot to be grateful for in my life. I'm grateful for the teachers along this road, the people, and the experiences. I'm grateful for 2nd, 3rd, and 8th chances. I'm grateful for a place of peace in my relationship with food. It's a temporary peace in need of renewal each day--and the renewal comes with the daily practice of my personal plan.

I had special guests on my radio show this morning. They brought baked goods for everyone. It's hard to put into words what it feels like to not be controlled by food circumstances. I'm so grateful to be at a place where I can look at something with a perspective that isn't about deprivation, it's not about white knuckling, or about will power. It's about, "that's not my food." It's about feeling content within my food plan and a full appreciation of the power and potential consequences of "just one bite." It's a perspective where the perceived charms of the food no longer exist for me. Instead, the charms have been replaced by truth. It's my truth. The truth is if ever I start flirting again with the charms of my personal trigger foods and food substances, I'll quickly fall back into the deep dark recesses of addiction, relapse, and the resulting side effect of dramatic weight gain. And this truth is kept fresh, top of mind each day. And if not, I have many support contacts to remind me in the amount of time it takes for a fast text or call. I'm grateful.

I still enjoy food. But it's my food. And I get joy from preparing it in appealing ways, to me, for me. 

My broadcast this evening from the fair came after a day where I was really tired and to be honest, I'm still not 100% over this crud I've been fighting. Trying certain fair foods has always been a part of the broadcasts. I remember, oh--about seven years ago, trying a deep fried Oreo. My food plan was different back then, it's evolved toward my personal food truths in the years since, and now, I dare not sacrifice myself for the sake of an on air endorsement of the latest-greatest fair food. So, instead, I take along someone willing and able to be the official food taster! Autumn, our midday personality on KPNC, was enthusiastically willing to try things on the air. It was fun! The fair broadcasts continue every evening through Saturday. Long days!

The best part of this evening's broadcast was my daughter Courtney, Lucas, and my two grandkids showing up for some fun at the fair.
Oliver is so incredibly precious!
He didn't get sad when I picked him up! Yay!

Noah's fair trip didn't start well. He hurt his finger just minutes before
arriving on the midway. But it didn't take too long for something to
catch his attention...

















































His favorite ride so far: The giant slide!! He rode it three times!
Finding the moments of real joy--the moments of life that bring true fulfillment, contentment, and gratitude--that, to me, is really what it's all about. I spent many many years trying to find something within the false promises of food addiction, all the while, life was happening around me--unfortunately, I missed a lot of it back then. I'm doing my best each day to keep my mind, eyes, and heart open, so I don't miss it now.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I had plenty of natural/active exercise, and I stayed well connected with good support.

Today's Accountability Tweets:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

September 12th, 2017 Only Enough

September 12th, 2017 Only Enough

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with support.

I prepared a fantastic meal this evening. Meatloaf was a meal I avoided for some time because I just wasn't sure if I could properly/accurately weigh and measure the ingredients. But that was thinking in terms of a big multi-serving meatloaf. When I realized I could prepare an individual meatloaf using only enough ingredients, my perspective changed. Instead of crackers or breadcrumbs, I use fresh, chopped mushrooms, onions, bell pepper, and egg white, and refined sugar-free all natural tomato sauce. It takes a little extra time to weigh all ingredients, but it was worth every ounce of effort. And, it's super calorie value friendly! I used 93% lean beef tonight because that's what I had available, but normally I use the 96% lean. The calorie count of tonight's meatloaf--the whole thing, was 338 calories. And it was big enough to be divided in half for smaller calorie budgets. The roasted garlic and sour cream potatoes baked up nicely, too!
Ingredients list for this BIG 338 calorie meatloaf

















DDWL Flashback from December 17th, 2016 edition:
Weighing and measuring everything is an important part of my plan each day. It gives me a measure of certainty.

A party goer pulled me aside tonight specifically to mention and compliment me on my weight-loss maintenance. It's nice to receive that kind of positive feedback. I remembered the MyFitnessPal progress chart contains all of my weigh-ins, so I checked--this time last year I weighed 6 pounds heavier than I do today. I'm proud of that in a big way. And having experienced a monumental 164-pound relapse/regain, I don't take this maintenance mode for granted. I protect it each day by maintaining the integrity of my plan.

What's interesting to me is how I once thought of this level of extraordinary care as something that would make life harder--absolutely miserable--but that wasn't true. It's the opposite. Honoring my plan each day by doing what I do brings me tremendous joy--and continued weight maintenance.

Today's Accountability Tweets:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean





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