Sunday, August 2, 2015

August 2nd, 2015 I'm Two, I Got This

August 2nd, 2015 I'm Two, I Got This

I took this day and made it one to relax. The last two have been busy and I just needed some time to sleep, relax and gather myself. I did just that today! It was a sleep-in, then three and half hours later, take a nap, kind of day.

I picked up my grandson Noah this evening and took him out to dinner. He's staying with me for a few days. I have the help of a good friend, making it possible for me to go get my exercise tonight and just generally being a big help in taking care of him each day. I'll admit, I'm a nervous wreck with him. I'm over-protective and panicky over the slightest of things. I have to be told to calm down and take a deep breath and that it's okay. Noah? He just smiles at me and laughs, as if to say--come on grandpa, I'm two, I got this! 
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We're having fun while we wait on our food.

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New background photo for my phone!

I'm receiving a gift tomorrow and I'm really excited about it and grateful. I'm getting custom fit for a pair of running shoes. I'm looking forward to finally giving an honest effort in an attempt to run a 5K within 60 days. You see, there's a run for Autism the first weekend in October, I believe--whenever it is, I'm in it!! I've never ran very far without stopping. That's the goal. 60 days to get ready. 3.1 miles of running without stopping. These new shoes will make a big difference!

It's been a really good food day. My exercise tonight was a brisk walk in the park for 2.7 miles. I'm hitting the pillow having met my goals for today.

My Tweets Today:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Saturday, August 1, 2015

August 1st, 2015 A Purposeful Stride

August 1st, 2015 A Purposeful Stride

I felt really well today. I knew going in that the schedule would be hurried early, it was even more hurried when I slept a little longer than I could afford. I wasn't late, it just cut short the "morning me time." 

I made time to prepare a good breakfast before getting into my first location broadcast of the day. It was at a grocery store where the main point of the broadcast was to sell freshly smoked-ready to eat pork ribs. I've done this annual broadcast every year for several and it's kind of interesting, because based solely on calorie value--ribs are one of the foods I don't eat anymore. I've consumed countless ribs in my lifetime and I love the taste, I just can't personally justify the calorie investment required. The broadcast was successful and since this store has a Starbucks, I enjoyed a good dark roast pour over with half and half.

My second broadcast was from a fashion boutique in the downtown shopping district. It was fun! I didn't pack any snacks considering my work time was only scheduled for four hours and I could easily get home and enjoy lunch before considering my workout plans and possibly a nap.

I prepared a really good lunch and caught up on a little work after and then...I started getting tired. It was shortly after 3pm when I decided my plan would be a nap first followed by a trip to the YMCA.

I set the alarm for 4:30pm and an NPR Fresh Air podcast on a ten minute sleep timer and started to drift off when I received a text message from a client needing/wanting a last minute location broadcast for a big special event at their store. Another two or three minutes and I would have been out. I'm glad the client texted when they did because we were able to spring into action, schedule the required personnel back at the studio--I got dressed and promoted it on the station's social media--picked up the station vehicle and was on the air at their location by a few minutes after 4pm. As much as I wanted that nap and Y workout, it felt amazing to be able to activate the team and come through for a good client on short notice. The broadcast was a success and it was all good. I'm no stranger to adjusting my schedule on the fly. I count it as one of my strengths!

I was back home by 6:30pm and by that time I had decided it was too late to nap. Considering my late lunch, I wasn't ready for dinner--so I figured I would get some more work done on a couple of projects I'm slowly making progress on--and then...I started fading fast. At 7:15pm I decided that if I didn't have a refresher nap, there wasn't a way to make it the rest of the evening in an alert/productive way.

I was out in sixty seconds flat. I woke up at 8:30pm and then snoozed for another 18 minutes before jumping up to get dinner started. By this time I had decided a late night walk was the exercise plan for today.

I was really looking forward to this dinner plan. I prepared a shrimp and mushroom linguine alfredo with peas and carrots (see Tweet below). OMGoodness. It was absolutely out of this world delicious!

My late night walk in the park was a solid 5K. The park is different than it once was in the late hours on a weekend. It feels much safer out there. Aside from an occasional vehicle passing through, I pretty much had the entire park and trail to myself. Extra police patrols have clearly made a difference. I've noticed my confidence has also made a difference. I carry myself in a very determined way out there. As a defense mechanism, I suppose--I ditch any mannerisms that might suggest vulnerability, instead I look as tough as can be--standing up straight, shoulders back--fists lightly clinched---walking with a purposeful stride and expression that says, "don't mess with me unless you want trouble." Okay--actually, that's hilarious for me to read. I am so not threatening or menacing looking...but "they" wouldn't know that, right? 

It's strange really-- I've never been in a physical fight in my entire life--yet, I feel confident that I could defend myself if needed. That reminds me--I'd like to find a place to learn boxing, not for self-defense, but for a great workout.

And sooner rather than later, I'll finally be learning how to actually run. More details on that tomorrow night.

My Tweets Today:








































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Friday, July 31, 2015

July 31st, 2015 A Crazy Day

July 31st, 2015 A Crazy Day

Today was a beast of a day. I'm not sure I've ever referred to a day as a "beast," but today I will. Keep in mind, I have zero complaints. I'm blessed and I know it well. At the same time, I can recognize when a day stretches me to my limits. And of course for me, that means being extra aware of how I'm doing in the food department.

My schedule was: Morning show from 6am-8:45am (had to sign off early for location broadcasts), location broadcasts from four different client locations 9am-2pm, return station vehicle to storage area--get back to studio, prepare a late lunch--eat, then get into production room for commercial production, recording of financial markets and the weather update. It was almost 5pm before I called it a day. A day like today is rare and that's a good thing.

Being prepared food wise is imperative for me on a day like this. I brought my breakfast fixings with me to the studio this morning, like I do every morning--but I grabbed the wrong avocado. It wasn't ripe enough. I tried to use it, took a couple of bites and decided I'd rather not. My taste buds prefer ripe avocados. I certainly wasn't going to spend calories on a foul tasting anything.

Then--I took off for my location broadcasts without the fruit snacks I planned to use to help me get through until I could eat a late lunch at 2:30pm. Two of the clients were offering free food--but as you know, I'm fairly particular. The hamburgers at one and hot dogs at another looked great, and I could have had a hamburger patty or a dog and counted the calories--but I decided to drink water instead and make it until I could put together something else at the studio.

Headed home, I picked up some steak and zucchini for my taco dinner. The little Mexican place close to my apartment charges me next to nothing for this custom order--and it's so good and incredibly convenient, especially on a day like today. I arrived home, refrigerated my dinner for later and hit the pillow for a good nap. It was necessary. I was scheduled to take over emcee duties at a huge outdoor event downtown tonight at 8pm. If that was going to happen, I needed a refreshing nap. I woke up, enjoyed a cup of coffee--then dinner, then a to-go coffee--and I was out the door for the emcee gig.

I left the event at almost 11pm and headed to the store for some Kiku Kiku apples. I ended up with several things and then waited in line to pay for the longest time. Our big Walmart Supercenter had one checker on duty and the lines at self-checkout were 10-12 deep. The wait to check out was almost 30 minutes for me--it was long enough for some to actually abandon their carts and leave the store. I passed the time by checking emails and twitter and reading the tabloid headlines for amusement.

I've experienced more "wow" reactions in the last few weeks than the previous few months combined. Several came tonight. One after another. I replied the same way after each compliment, "thank you, I feel great." To simply say, "thank you," instead of trying to talk them out of their compliment, is a big sign of growth within me. I can't count all the times in the past when I would reply with something along the lines of, "Oh well, I'm getting there" or "I've got a ways to go yet" or "it's this outfit, really--I'm working on it though."  Now, when someone offers a compliment, I've learned to graciously accept by saying thank you, usually followed by a description of how I feel. It's short and sweet and it feels much better than basically disagreeing with their compliment.

A big rumor was started around here a couple of days ago. The rumor was that Johnny Depp was in town. Suddenly Johnny Depp sightings flooded facebook. The original thought was that Johnny was connected to the E.W. Marland biopic and was in town scoping out the location and history. This area is rich in Native American history and culture--and Johnny Depp has a deep interest in these things--so it apparently was enough for this entire area of Oklahoma to go Johnny Depp crazy. Everybody had a story of why he was in town...including my employer:

The radio station I work for got in on the fun with this picture and caption on the KPNC Facebook page:
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Johnny Depp sightings in Ponca City swirled throughout Facebook today. Finally it's revealed why he was here. Rumor has it that Johnny is slated to portray our own Sean In The Morning in the big screen adaption of Sean's book Transformation Road. Filming is slated to begin in 2019 as soon as Johnny gains 300 pounds for the role.

Obviously photo-shopped, right? Yeah. Some people believed it. OMGoodness. A retraction of sorts was published this afternoon clearing up the whole thing. This rumor coincided with an annual event called "Crazy Days," in fact, it was the big outdoor event I helped emcee tonight. It was Crazy alright. It was fun, for sure. And based on some of the reactions, very interesting.

Considering yesterday was a rest day from exercise, I honestly didn't want to take another today--but quickly, as described above, the day turned into a very active one (Fitbit activity calorie adjustment in excess of 430 calories) where I was perfectly okay without an intentional workout. I have four more hours of Crazy Days location broadcasts tomorrow starting at 9am. If I run into Mr. Depp, I'll try to get a picture.

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Thursday, July 30, 2015

July 30th, 2015 Every Single Bit

July 30th, 2015 Every Single Bit

My speaking engagement was a good one today. It needs a little refinement/tweaking, a little more order, but for the first time speaking of it all instead of writing about it, I think it went well. It's a powerful topic, this whole self-worth/identity stuff-- a smart move for me would be to temper the emotional exploration with a few more laughs. I'm an experienced comic. I can handle that!

My plan wasn't to eat lunch at the event, but the offer was there and everyone else was eating--and we were at the hospital cafeteria with some decent choices, so I decided to go ahead with lunch prior to speaking. I selected some options I felt good about (see tweet below).

One of the members of the civic organization, knowing I was speaking today, stopped by the local Opportunity Center and picked up a special guest to join us. Lance is a longtime listener of my radio show. His memory is impeccable. He can bring up things I've talked about on the air from years ago. He's a devoted and loyal listener. And he's really the epitome of a positive perspective. Lance is blind and has a prosthetic leg. In fact, he showed me his new leg today. He loves it because it's much more comfortable than his last. With all of the challenges Lance faces everyday, he makes time to smile, to laugh and to enjoy the things he loves. I'm honored that one of those things is my radio show. Seeing him and witnessing his reaction to my, "Hey, Lance," made my day. Talk about inspiring. That kid, wow, very inspiring.

I hurried back to the studio for some production work before getting to a doctor's appointment at 2:15pm. I have a blister on my inner/lower lip. I'm not sure how or why it came about--but it was bothering me enough to get it checked out by my doctor. It turned out to be nothing serious. My doctor shared the story of when he had the exact same thing. He tried to take care of it himself, but it kept coming back. Finally he made an appointment with an ear-nose-throat doctor and they were able to take care of it once and for all. He recommended the same for me, then made the referral. I'll spare you the gory details of the needle... and yeah--it might take care of it, but just in case, the ENT appointment will if it doesn't.

After the doctor's visit, I wasn't feeling my best. I came home, prepared a substantial snack or "lunch part 2," if you will and made my way into a long nap. Upon waking, I decided to declare today a rest day from exercise. Seemed like a reasonable choice today. It wasn't my plan going into today, but it was certainly needed tonight.

I prepared a good dinner and simply relaxed. That did feel good. Tomorrow's a very busy day with my show starting at 6am and location broadcasts from 9am to 2pm, likely followed by production time back at the studio. I'll make sure to have a good breakfast and some snacks packed for the extended midday before a late lunch tomorrow afternoon. It sometimes takes a careful plan to follow my plan. But it's worth the effort. Every single bit.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

July 29th, 2015 What's Not To Love?

July 29th, 2015 What's Not To Love?

Spending time with mom on one of these doctor trip visits is quality. We have some of the best conversations and some of the biggest laughs along the way. I live to hear her laugh and see her smile.

Mom's eye procedure went well. She wasn't the least bit surprised when we ended up at a Mexican place for lunch afterwards. Mom loves it as much as I do, so it wasn't a big deal. There are other choices, sure--and I feel confident I can navigate almost any menu. But there's certainty in a good Tex-Mex place. I don't need a menu at all. I know what I want and what I don't want and it's always good. I cut calories by cutting out the shredded cheese, rice and beans and I replace the flour tortillas with corn taco shells, that move alone saves at least 50 calories on each. If I were to eat all of that stuff too--instead of consuming 600 or less calories with the chips, I'd be looking at 1200-1500 for a meal. Yeah--not a good calorie value. And I'm completely satisfied and I'm certain it's sugar free. If I get tired of it, I'll switch it up--replace chicken with beef or shrimp, I've done both before. I'm clearly a texture kind of person. There's something about the creaminess of the sour cream against the crunch of the corn taco shell--the warm chicken and the cool crisp lettuce...all of that working together, for me and my preferences--what's not to love?

Instead of our original plan of working out at the new Y in Edmond, the decision was made for me to workout at my Y tonight and mom to get her walk in after sunset. I did the elliptical followed by some body weight strength exercises here at home. The body weight rail push-ups aren't easy. I planned on 3 sets of 10 and reached my max midway through set three. The resistance is set by the angle of my body. I get it out there fairly well. And I don't mind admitting that I do not possess the strongest arms, yet. I concentrated on form, keeping my body rigidly straight. It worked well. The wall sits are challenging and the squats are the easiest for me. My legs are strong, probably from carrying me around all of those years at 500 pounds. 

I'm the guest speaker at a local civic organization's lunch meeting tomorrow. They're likely expecting my talk to be all about weight loss. That's not my plan for tomorrow's event. I'll be doing a TED-like 20 minute presentation on self-worth and identity titled "The Happiness Code." I'm excited for the opportunity to get my feet wet in speaking about this powerful topic.

I'm hitting the pillow tonight after hitting all of my goals square, today. I'll aim for the same tomorrow. Goodnight!

My Tweets Today:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

July 28th, 2015 The Certainty Dynamic

July 28th, 2015 The Certainty Dynamic

I've found that maintaining a balance with my food and exercise requires that I'm mindful of my emotional and stress level balance, first. When things are going smoothly in the non-food & exercise areas of my life, I feel empowered and confident. When life throws a curve ball or two, and suddenly things aren't as harmonious--that's when my awareness level must be on the highest setting.

I've given myself quite a bunch of self-study in this area of balance. My conclusion centers around one of the basic human needs: Certainty. 

When things get bumpy and out of sorts, the first thing that goes is the comforting feeling of certainty. My deeply ingrained reaction to the loss of certainty is to replace it as quickly as possible--if not with certainty, with something that gives me the illusion of certainty. For me, obviously--it's always been food. 

Of course it's only an illusion of certainty. A bag of double cheeseburgers never gave me peaceful certainty in the middle of turbulent times. It only gave me an illusion of certainty within the amount of time it successfully distracted me from the reality at hand. After the distraction, the uncertainty remained--but worse; compounded with self-loathing over the binge.

One of the biggest realizations for me was found in taking responsibility for my part in creating uncertainties. It's the, my own worst enemy deal. I don't create every uncertainty in my life, but I've certainly been responsible for a good share. Being mindful of my behavior and actions and how they can potentially upset my balance of certainty is a critical awareness to maintain each and every day.  

Nobody is immune to this certainty dynamic. How does anyone like me get through the loss or weakened state of certainty without taking a tour of every drive-through in the area?

In my opinion, it comes down to the ability to compartmentalize certainty. And doing that requires taking a personal inventory of things we're grateful for in our lives. In this exploration--this inventory, we can find certainty where we weren't looking. And then we can believe that all is not lost, because we have something, several things, perhaps, that are certain in our lives. Instead of feeling like everything is total chaos--we can find peace in some areas and that helps us deal with the uncertainty in other areas. 

My gratitude list is long and that helps my uncertainty list feel a little shorter.

There have been issues lately. Issues upsetting the balance of my certainty. Much of this involves others, very close to me, so it's not appropriate for me to explore in these public writings. The wonderful thing is, many of us are working together to handle what we can and insure focus is where it's needed most. I'm grateful for that. All is not lost. 

I've written before about the importance of keeping my life stream and fundamental elements stream running parallel and not letting them cross. Losing certainty in certain areas can create turbulence within the streams. When the forces of uncertainty are pressed and we're holding our fundamental elements stream steady, it's not easy. Dropping the fundamental elements stream, effectively allowing the life stream to come crashing down across, might seem like a very natural thing to do--and considering the circumstances we sometimes experience, it might also seem completely excusable.

But why would I drop something I'm immensely grateful for having in my life, especially in exchange for the chaos and uncertainty of whatever we're passing through at the moment? 

In keeping steady the things for which I'm most grateful and finding the certainty in the things I can, it will only help me in dealing with the uncertainty of most anything else. The illusions of the contrary will not fool me into believing otherwise.

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Today was very good. My food was delicious. My omelet was ugly. I ran out of cooking spray in the employee kitchen. Non-stick cooking spray or real butter, is imperative to perfectly loose omelets. I had neither. But I made it work. It was basically a pile of scrambled eggs with avocado. Still delicious!

I managed to get a short nap this afternoon, some good coffee afterward--a great dinner before my Tuesday night conference call support group I co-facilitate with Life Coach Gerri and a fantastic workout tonight at the YMCA. I hit my water goal, too. It was, by many accounts, a solid day.

Tomorrow I'm off from radio. I'll be picking up mom early for an eye procedure in Oklahoma City. We'll be spending the day together. Despite the eye surgery, we're both looking forward to spending time with one another. We always have a great time.

A colleague shared her fresh cherries with me at lunch. I've heard cherries have some incredible health benefits and these today were incredible. I've shied away from them over the high price. I may look for bargains and find a way to include these occasionally. Even with the pits, they were still very enjoyable...kind of like life, huh?

My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Monday, July 27, 2015

July 27th, 2015 Fell Asleep

July 27th, 2015 Fell Asleep

Fell asleep before blog! Woke up--it's midnight. Wasn't planning on it--but Tweets only tonight...
Before I wake up completely!

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Sunday, July 26, 2015

July 26th, 2015 More Than Once

July 26th, 2015 More Than Once

I slept in today and it felt very good. I planned on joining family at a restaurant about twenty-five miles away at 1pm. I really didn't want to wait until 1pm to eat something, so I split my breakfast in two parts--having a little something before getting ready to leave and a little more later, during the brunch visit.

Noah was already eating when I arrived. He was chowing down on broccoli, of all things! He loves broccoli and salad--two things I wouldn't touch growing up. As you'll see in the Tweets below, he also loves strawberry cake! Yep, he's my grandson!

It was just a really good day. Well rounded, really. I spent time with family. I spent some time in direct communication and support with others along this road. I made time to prepare excellent food and I made it to the YMCA for a great workout. I must tell you, I've skipped the body weight strength training I planned to do tonight (mentioned in Tweet below). I've been cleaning my apartment instead. It might not be the same, but I'm going to tell myself it is, tonight.

I sincerely appreciate the wonderful outpouring of support from last night's blog post. I sometimes struggle to properly articulate what I'm trying to express. Your response reassures that I expressed myself well.

It's very important for me to share not only the 'here and now,' but the way it was not too long ago. Because if you're just now "tuning in," you might get a completely different impression. It's important to know and understand there is hope. It can get incredibly dark in the depths of relapse and regain--I seriously, more than once, thought it was all over for me. I all but resigned myself to just not caring anymore. But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't give up. If you're in a similar place to where I was, I hope you'll embrace yourself, extend yourself some compassion and forgiveness and realize, all is not lost. It's not over. There is hope. You can do it. Take a deep breath and smile because you're good, right where you are...and you, never giving up, really can create change and positive momentum.

I'm dropping in bed a little earlier than normal for a Sunday night. I'm hoping this will give me a nice boost for Monday and the new week ahead.

My Tweets Today:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Saturday, July 25, 2015

July 25th, 2015 I Don't, So I Won't

July 25th, 2015 I Don't, So I Won't

We were celebrating. Everyone was gathered at the restaurant in good spirits, drinks and food ordered, conversations circulating and plenty of laughter frequently breaking out. I was at the end of the table looking over the menu, checking my calorie budget and deciding on what would become my dinner. I already decided water-no ice, with lemon and lime, would be my drink choice. After I ordered the 7oz sirloin with double asparagus, the question came from a friend across the table.

"Do you ever cheat?"

"I haven't in almost sixteen months."

First of all, let me make it very clear--this isn't a boast. This is simply a fact. Further--let me stress how incredibly surprised I am that I can honestly say that.

How in the world could I do an about-face, a 180--a total turnaround from where I found myself sixteen months ago? The answer isn't a simple sentence or source. It's a bunch of things working together on several different levels. Spiritual, emotional and mental work, and different levels of support--from group support to one on one support, to the accountability measures put into place to help guide me along--keeping my awareness level high and my routine consistent.

This turnaround from relapse/regain wasn't a simple declaration of "starting tomorrow things will be different." I tried that approach several times without a shred of success. I wasn't creating an action plan and then, when things remained the same the next day, I'd sit around feeling hopeless and doomed. It was like throwing the same thing against a wall and hoping it would somehow stick this time. It didn't, several times.

I needed an action plan. Once an action plan was created, that's when things started changing dramatically.

The list was long: Return to writing this blog daily, as the name suggests. Weigh and measure my food as much and as often as possible. Log every single thing in MyFitnessPal. Tweet a picture, description and calorie count of every bite, every day. Make sure what I do eat, I enjoy, 100%. Commit to a regular exercise plan. Re-commit to giving and receiving more support via group and one on one interactions. Abstain from refined sugar. And treat all of these elements with an importance level in the highest, most non-negotiable way.

Honestly, the list felt a little over-whelming, at first. The very first thing I did was try to figure out reasons why it wasn't possible for me to do this thing. I remember one session with Life Coach Gerri, that mirrored almost word for word what was asked by my therapist at the time. I was talking about how I was way too busy to return to daily blog posts. Gerri immediately challenged me with some good questions: When you experienced so much success before--and you were blogging daily, were you not just as busy? Very true. Good point. I was just as busy. And she didn't stop at making a good point: So, what you were doing was working well until you stopped doing it, right? Well, when you put it that way, but...

I kept throwing out objections and Gerri kept persisting with questions designed to challenge me into changing my perspective. Suddenly I stopped coming up with reasons why I couldn't do it and I started coming up with ideas and solutions proving I could.

Besides, I thought you said that writing brings you immense joy. Why would you stop something that not only contributes in positive ways to your success--but does it at the same time it's bringing immense joy into your life? Damn it. She's good.

Okay, okay--from this moment forward, I'm blogging every day. That was over 450 days ago. I haven't missed one since. Sure, occasionally time constraints require a short one--and sometimes a "tweets only" one...but it's done, each and every night. And it's made a profound difference.

The MFP and Tweets really bothered me, mainly because I knew that if I committed 100%, the only way it would work is if I applied a very strict code of honesty. The first time I eat something without logging and tweeting it--it's all over. I knew that going in--and it seemed extreme and beyond necessary to tweet everything. Turns out, it's helped me in monumental ways. The Tweets inspire me to eat well. I eat much better now than I ever did before. The Tweets and MFP logging have encouraged me to slow down and enjoy the process of planning, preparing and enjoying my food. I make the time to take good care--and in this care, I'm honoring my commitments.

In my book, Transformation Road, I wrote about my philosophy on cheat days or cheat meals--or cheating, period. If what I'm doing is so restrictive and against the grain of what I can do for the rest of my life, then perhaps I need to change what I'm doing. For me to accept a "cheat day," suggests that what I'm doing the rest of the time is just a means to an end. If I'm constantly looking forward to the day when I can cut loose--then I might want to inspect the daily restraints. This isn't about defining restrictions, it's about refining solutions--making this something enjoyable, doable--workable, delicious--satisfying...and if we can make it all that, then why would we feel the need to deviate into old behaviors for a day or a meal? If what I'm doing is a temporary means to an end--and I'm forcing myself to do something unnatural to me and what I like--then I'm setting myself up for a monumental problem down the line.

The abstinence from refined sugar has made a profound impact bio-chemically--effectively turning off the "binge switch" and ushering in a peace and calm I never knew. But as I've discussed before--it doesn't stop the other side of things--the deeply ingrained pattern of seeking comfort with food in times of extreme emotion and high stress. I've had three very close calls in the last fifteen plus months--one of those three happened recently, on Wednesday July 15th. Each time, reaching out for support--texting it or talking it out, has made a HUGE difference. It's not as easy as simply agreeing that excess food doesn't fix anything--or that food isn't a therapist. It doesn't matter how long or how much success we're experiencing, I've learned that unless I reach out for support, I'm perfectly capable of talking myself into the comfort food dynamic.

Do I ever cheat?

Why would I want to cheat myself out of the tremendous blessings this road brings? I don't, so I won't.

My success isn't a guarantee. I'm not entitled. It's not automatic. If I stop doing the things I'm doing, I'll quickly fall hard.

This here thing, is a daily practice--a one day at a time practice of uniquely crafted fundamental elements. I just want one more day feeling as good as I feel when I'm honoring my commitment and maintaining the integrity of my plan. I'd like a whole bunch of one more days . 

If this were a blog about sobriety and abstinence from alcohol, would the "Do you ever cheat?" question even come up? Likely not. This is why it's crucial for me to treat my continued recovery from food addiction with the same reverence as someone in successful recovery from other things.   
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Today took some planning. I had a location broadcast this morning, immediately followed by a wedding reception where I was providing the music and announcements. I navigated my food well and I made it important to get what I needed, when I needed it. Hauling around the sound equipment and moving it from where it's stored and into a truck--then into the venue--then load out and back into the place it's stored--especially solo--is all the exercise and strength training I needed for one day.

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After being told today that my face looks too thin and I've lost too much weight, I started snapping and analyzing selfies. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't let the comment bother me in the slightest. After careful consideration, I've determined that person was wrong. I haven't lost too much or look too thin. Geez, why do otherwise well meaning people say things like that? I think it's sometimes meant as a compliment by someone unfamiliar with the struggle and life of a formally morbidly obese person.
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And I'm feeling slightly silly tonight. This selfie facial expression-collection was fun.

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Friday, July 24, 2015

July 24th, 2015 Just A Tease

July 24th, 2015 Just A Tease

It was a long day without an early nap. I rely on naps regularly to support my late nights and early mornings. I arrived home shortly before 5pm and without hesitation, dropped for a good nap. You might say 5pm is too late for a nap--but it was either a nap or a completely wrecked evening. And I had work to do in preparation for a wedding reception tomorrow afternoon, so I needed the rest.

I woke a little before 7pm and just felt "blah." I could have slept all night, really. The hour and forty-five was just a tease.

I miss Noah being here. I had him for a couple of nights. Irene picked him up early this afternoon. I made Noah lunch and discovered a couple of things, he doesn't like strawberries and he's totally cool with the tostadas. I prepared him a bean and cheese tostada with light sour cream and he consumed a little bit. He made a face on the first bite--but then he kept taking bites, so I'm going to declare he likes 'em. He's not much of an eater, though. At least he hasn't been with me. Irene (Noah's Nana) has much more experience taking care of him and she gave me some great suggestions to encourage him to eat a little more. I'll be trying a few different things on his next visit.

I took a rest day from exercise. It wasn't the plan going into this day--but that's how it turned out and I'll be okay with that choice. Tomorrow will be a great workout day considering all of the big and heavy sound equipment I'll be moving by myself.

I look forward to writing more tomorrow night. I have some thoughts I wanted to sort out and express and this daily diary is just the place!

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean





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