Friday, November 21, 2014

November 21st, 2014 A Well Rested and Fun Friday

November 21st, 2014 A Well Rested and Fun Friday

I was asleep before 9:30pm Thursday night. I woke up at 4:30am feeling truly rested and ready for a productive Friday. As much as my schedule is a mess sometimes, with crazy hours and little sleep, I must acknowledge it is that way because I choose to make it that way. It all comes down to the importance level assigned to whatever element we're discussing. If it's my abstinence from sugar--then it's no exceptions, non-negotiable--24/7/365. If I placed that same importance level on getting enough sleep, it would do me incredible good! Seven hours sleep felt amazing. And I've had that much and more on weekends, occasionally, but something about this seven hours felt even better. I don't know why--perhaps the sleep was better quality.

It was a busy Friday, for sure, and by the time I walked through the door, it was about time to get ready for a big classic country concert with Mel Tillis and T.G. Sheppard. My intention was to get my workout done in the middle of the day, but it just wasn't possible. I had a choice--skip the pre-concert visit-on-the-tour-bus invitation from T.G. Sheppard and go workout, then show up at showtime--or plan to workout late, after the concert.

I decided to not pass up a visit with T.G. Sheppard on his tour bus and opted for the later workout. This late workout idea was another thing that didn't go as planned. I didn't get away from the venue until well after 11pm, walking out into a dense fog and mist. The idea of going to the walking trail at midnight wasn't appealing and instead of choosing a good home workout choice, like PiYo, I decided to be okay without--again today. I do not like going two days in a row without a good workout. What would be worse though, would be beating myself up over it and feeling horrible. Instead, I'll have plenty of time to hit the YMCA after my location broadcast tomorrow. All is well.

Meeting T.G. Sheppard was a nice experience. I grew up listening to his hits on the radio when KOMA was country and we blared it in mom's old Rambler and later in our Ford Pinto station wagon. I never in a million years thought I would be sitting across from him on his tour bus having a casual conversation about music, family and fatherhood. He couldn't have been nicer. Even though he's nearly 20 years my senior, we both have two daughters of similar age. Mine are 24 and 21, his-23 and 19--so, as you might imagine, common ground fueled a fascinating conversation. He shared some incredible stories from his career, too. About thirty minutes before showtime, we wrapped up our visit and T.G. asked his bass player to snap our picture.
 photo photo39_zpsb0e4a095.jpg
I'll be playing more of his music on my radio show. The guy is pure class. T.G. was amazing and Mel Tillis, even at 82 years old, sounded fantastic. It was a great show, for sure!

It was a super late dinner tonight, after the concert. I did well. The two side orders to my steak dinner were not on the menu as side options. My options were baked potato, french fries or mashed potatoes--and the only veggie option was corn. But I noticed a fruit plate listed under salads--so I knew they could possibly throw together a small cup of fruit--and the cottage cheese wasn't mentioned anywhere on the menu--I just lucked out on that one. I made the two special requests and the restaurant accommodated without hesitation. The steak was 10oz, a full 450 calories--so I trimmed it almost in half, down to approximately 6oz. I'll eat the left over sirloin with my breakfast Saturday morning.

My Tweets today:












Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Thursday, November 20, 2014

November 20th, 2014 I'm Really Tired

November 20th, 2014 I'm Really Tired

Today was constantly busy. Busy morning show, busy production schedule immediately after--then a board meeting for the arts and humanities council. The meeting was at one of our big casinos, in a private meeting room with table service from the restaurant. I ordered creatively--a grilled chicken sandwich-no bread, hold the bacon, fruit and sweet potato fries on the side. The plate was delivered with about 400 calories worth of the fries, so I offered a portion to one of my fellow board members. I left the meeting early because I needed to get to Stillwater to pick up mom and take her to a doctors appointment in Oklahoma City.

After messing up my sleep schedule with yesterday's nap, I was awake way too long, again last night--and this horribly affected me today.  Mom's appointment was over at almost 5pm and we were back in Stillwater by 6pm, ready to find dinner, somewhere simple and fast--but easy to navigate within my boundaries. We found it.

It's 9pm now and although I silently vowed to exercise immediately upon my return home, I've nixed the plan. Today will be a rest day. I need sleep, now. I'm going to get it! I'm really tired.

My Tweets today:












Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

November 19th, 2014 Pieces Get Lost

November 19th, 2014 Pieces Get Lost

Exploring last night's blog and taking it from my brain to the screen was really good for me. This is why I highly recommend keeping a journal, blogging--something enabling you to get those thoughts and ideas on paper or virtual paper, then working through them like a puzzle--putting them together. When the pieces seem to fit, big epiphanies can happen. We're talking transformative stuff, my friend. If I try to keep it in my head, pieces get lost too easily.

For me, writing yesterday's post brought up several examples in my past where I didn't allow my emotions to run their course. The biggest example for me was the loss of my little brother, Shane, who died unexpectedly at the age of twenty-four. It's been thirteen years since his passing and I still have a very hard time with it all, especially when I hear one of the songs we mutually enjoyed. The more I thought about it, the bigger the list became--and all I can do, is acknowledge and move forward, and when the opportunity to feel comes up again, I'm sure I'll be less opposed to running the other way and more willing to embrace the natural and cleansing process of my emotions.

One of the things I didn't write about was how the emotional eating, for me, started first--and somewhere along the way, my brain was trained to react in certain ways--and that's when I added the element of addiction to the mix. The combination of emotional eating and food addiction seems to be quite the tag team champion in this battle many of us face. But it doesn't mean we can't take the title back. We can have a long and successful run as our own champion! 

My brain had a very hard time shutting down last night. Even with the melatonin--I laid awake until after 1am. Getting up three and a half hours later was a challenge. This sleep deficit refused to be ignored, so as soon as 2pm hit, I left the studio and came home for a good nap. Yeah...it was a little too good. I slept like a rock--good, quality, deep sleep--you know, the kind where you wake up and you're disoriented, thinking perhaps you overslept the next day when the clock says 5:45pm, but in your fogginess you were convinced it was AM--and panic ensues long enough for reality to become clear...then you're relieved, but now you realize it'll be a challenge to go to bed later... Yeah, all that.

I decided to make the most of my wide awake evening by catching up on some emails and a couple of phone calls to friends I needed to call back, then cooking a fabulous dinner, followed by a nice workout at the YMCA.

I'm feeling well. I'm nice and calm, relaxed and confident, thinking clearly and taking it one day at a time, as always. I'm sticking very close to the fundamentals of my plan, as if my personal hazard lights are flashing, signaling me to pay close attention and take extra precautions to protect my path.  
My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

November 18th, 2014 Here, Eat This, You'll Feel Better

November 18th, 2014 Here, Eat This, You'll Feel Better

What I'm about to share with you isn't an attempt to gain sympathy, pity or concern. It wasn't a bad thing at all, it was a good experience. And although it comes from working through the loss of my recent relationship, it isn't about her or me, in the context of that relationship. It's about processing emotions and allowing them to run their course without running for cover under a blanket of food.

My emotional development was stunted at an early age when I developed a dependency on food to buffer my emotions. For me, the answer wasn't to feel the emotions and work through them, processing the natural stages of the emotion. It was different. The routine was simple: Feel the onset of my changing emotional state--then eat, eat and eat some more, until the emotions subsided, or I forgot just how overwhelming they initially felt. And if I didn't feel better, then maybe another helping of whatever would do the trick. 

The distraction from the emotions during the joy of eating, followed by the natural effects of time on the emotions, meant I would actually feel better. I was convinced it was the food that made it all less challenging. Isn't providing a little relief what "comfort" food is all about? "Here, eat this, you'll feel better."

I never allowed my emotions to process in a healthy way without an all-you-can-eat interruption. Instead of helping me work through emotions, this quickly developed reflex was in-effect, stopping my natural emotional development in its tracks. The food gave me an illusion of being okay, while creating an emotional deficit with each occurrence.  It was very much like emotional trading. Let me borrow the illusion that I'm all better today--and I'll try to figure out how to pay for the pain some other time--just not right now, I'm eating. It's a heavy price. For me, it meant spending twenty years near, at or above 500 pounds.

Then I lost 275 pounds. Then I maintained for a year and a half. Then I faced big emotions again. Then I hit the "escape into isolation" button and ate my way to gaining back over half, all but 111 pounds.

I had zero practice at allowing emotions to take their natural course. While I did lose weight successfully and maintain for awhile, it wasn't because I had learned how to properly feel and process emotions. I enjoyed the initial success because I built up an incredible support and accountability system. And it was my immaturity in dealing with emotions that created deficits anyway, and these eventually get balanced one way or another--usually in the form of holding me back or flat out destroying anything good or potentially good, that comes along.

Allowing the emotions to run their course isn't easy. But I can honestly say that's exactly what I've been doing lately. I've felt things I didn't want to feel. I tighten my grip around the fundamentals of extraordinary care in the background by reaching out more for support and paying close attention to my behavior with food...and in the foreground of life, I allow myself to feel without buffers, without defenses--I just let it be, let it feel--let it run its course, and let it go. Suddenly, I realize feeling these emotions isn't the end of the world. It's actually the pathway to new beginnings and better days where I'm not held back. It's an entry way into a healthier existence where good and potentially good is allowed to flourish.

It was a long day today. I battled long lines at Walmart in order to grab a few things I needed after work, then I headed home--carried everything upstairs, put it all away, then I sat in my recliner and cried. 

I cried the most cleansing cry I've ever experienced. And it felt amazing to let it out. I felt it, it was exhausting. And at the same time, it was the most natural and healthy relief, ever. It was cathartic. I just sat there afterwards, letting it dry and feeling like a weight had been lifted.
---------------------------------

The rest of my evening was beautiful. I co-moderated my weekly weight loss support call with Life Coach Gerri, cooked an amazing meal and had a phenomenal workout at the YMCA. I'm feeling really good tonight. The melatonin is starting to kick in, so I'll let it.  

My Tweets today:
















Thank you, sincerely, for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Monday, November 17, 2014

November 17th, 2014 Letting The Tweets Handle It

November 17th, 2014 Letting The Tweets Handle It

Letting the Tweets handle tonight's edition. I have some things to write about but I'll wait until tomorrow night. It's late and I better get to bed.

One thing is for sure, I'm hitting the pillow with the peace of mind that comes from knowing the integrity of my plan was solid today.

My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Sunday, November 16, 2014

November 16th, 2014 Pandora Must Read My Blog

November 16th, 2014 Pandora Must Read My Blog

I think Pandora reads my blog. After several breakup songs in a row, I'm convinced. OMD's If You Leave and Journey's Separate Ways, oh my--why am I doing this to myself? This whole thing isn't easy. I can't just suddenly not care anymore. So, I'm turning my attention to a sharp focus on the fundamentals that have brought me far and promise to take me further. And then When In Rome's The Promise comes on and I'm a mess again. Okay--no more 80's pop Pandora channel for me, for a little while.

Aside from my musical misadventures, today was solid. I took care of me very well. I prepared and cooked three meals, I worked out at the YMCA and I made my water consumption goal of 64 ounces. I was creative in the kitchen and despite being a little preoccupied in thought, I overcame and got into my workout playlist to the point of pushing very hard. 

I had a great discussion tonight via phone with one of my support buddies in the upper Northwest. We discussed different projects and ideas. He gave me some incredible advice that will certainly help bring my audio project, Weight Loss Meditations to life much quicker than I previously planned. I'm very excited and I can't wait to make this audio product available to you!

I'm hitting the pillow tonight with confidence in my choices. It feels good.

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Saturday, November 15, 2014

November 15th, 2014 When I'm Vague

November 15th, 2014 When I'm Vague

Whenever I write about something in vague terms it's because I'm trying my best to be appropriate and considerate of others involved in whatever it is going on in my life. This is a daily diary and if you come into contact with me, there's always a chance our encounter will be mentioned in one way or another. And if I'm in a relationship, then obviously--it's a big part of my life, and the other person will undoubtedly be involved every now and then. I'm much better at being appropriate and considerate today versus four or five years ago. I've learned a great deal and I'm still learning everyday about this necessary and sometimes delicate balance.

Heather and I have mutually decided to end our relationship. We've agreed to remain friends and we both, clearly, have enormous respect and admiration for one another. She's an amazing person who inspires and motivates people everyday. If you're interested in discovering more about what Heather does as a fitness coach and how she does it, simply click on her picture along the left hand side of this blog page. This isn't what I imagined happening, ever, and I believe it's safe to say that, this is also something of a mutual feeling, it's an I can't believe we're here, type thing--but we are and that's all I will say.

This is what I've been vague about lately. It's been a very challenging week. I can't speak for Heather, but I would imagine she would say the same thing.

I spent this evening in my hometown of Stillwater with my oldest daughter Amber. We dined at one of our favorite places, The Hideaway and I'm extremely proud of how I navigated the menu. As in previous Hideaway trips, I ordered the gluten-free crust (it only comes in thin crust--perfect!) with veggie toppings. I'm not 100% gluten free, but I like to order it when it's available.

We also ordered one of my favorite things: Hideaway fried mushrooms. In my opinion, they're the benchmark for excellence in fried mushrooms. This is the first time in seven months for me to enjoy these--so I did, in a very limited way. I basically treat them as I do chips at a Mexican restaurant--I counted mine, separating them from the bowl--and I enjoyed my portion. When they're gone, they're gone--no more. I did very well!

Nothing in my meal contained sugar and that's always my biggest concern when dining out. At home, I can control it without worry. At a restaurant, if there's any question whatsoever, I will ask at least twice and sometimes a third time--just to give a sufficient impression to our server that this is something of utmost importance.

When I order a sugar free iced coffee--especially in a drive through, where one person will take your order and another prepares the order--I will often make a point to speak directly to the person who made it--requesting a confirmation it was made sugar free.

I take my abstinence from sugar very seriously. It's the most important element of my food plan. It's given me a peace and calm I couldn't believe possible until I gave it an honest try and now, after 7 months of this honest try, I don't want to ever go back. It is my addictive substance and I look at it like it's heroin or cocaine. I prefer being clean of sugar. Life is much better when I'm maintaining the integrity of my food plan.

I really enjoyed Amber's company this evening. We always have fantastic conversations. Her support and spot on advice, is truly a gift.
 photo photo38_zpsf82b18a2.jpg
After dinner, we shopped some for Noah and Amber needed to do some shoe shopping to find some good "teacher shoes." Teachers need comfy shoes to stand in front of a class all day! Before heading back, we found mom and visited with her a short time. What a wonderful evening! I'm incredibly blessed to be surrounded by so much love and support.

My Tweets today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Friday, November 14, 2014

November 14th, 2014 The Dynamic Changes

November 14th, 2014 The Dynamic Changes

I have maintained the integrity of my food plan today, despite experiencing emotions encouraging me to do what comes naturally. I entertained the thought of ice cream loaded with fat and sugar. The thought crossed my mind--and I quickly shut it down.

As soon as I realized where my mind was wandering, I quickly "told on my thought" by sending a text to a support buddy. It's amazing how sharing these things deflate them immediately--zapping them of their power. It does this because these type of thoughts thrive in isolation. When they're brought out in the light and into conversation with someone who gets it, suddenly the dynamic changes and they lose power. 

I'll write more over the weekend. For now, I'm going to get some much needed rest. I'm sleeping as late as possible Saturday morning. My daughter Amber said she plans to sleep in too, so we're challenging one another to see who can sleep in the longest. The one with the most rest, wins.

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your wonderful support,
Strength,
Sean

Thursday, November 13, 2014

November 13th, 2014 Stress and Nerves

November 13th, 2014 Stress and Nerves

I woke up with pain in my upper abdomen. I tried everything I knew to remedy the situation to no avail. It's been a very long time since I felt this type of pain and when I've felt it before, it was most usually a consequence of dietary choices the night before. This time it wasn't food born. It was clearly stress and nerves.

I stayed home from work and refrained from eating or drinking anything but water until the pain subsided. Finally, by noon, I was feeling well, but exhausted. I couldn't get into the doctor until 4:30pm. I opted to stay home and take it easy today before getting out for the appointment. My doc thinks it could certainly be a nervous reaction, but it also might be a stomach bacteria issue. A couple of prescriptions and an order for blood work later, and I was on my way. I felt completely fine in his office. It's almost 10pm and I still feel really well.

I fell short on hitting my calorie goal of 1,700 today. I finished the day at 1,328 calories and no workout. It's one day and it's a day I was sick, therefore, I'm okay with it all.

I'm feeling much better and I'm working on finding more ways to alleviate stress in my life. The great news for me is, I'm not eating through the stress! That's a VERY big deal. Yay!

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your wonderful support,
Strength,
Sean

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

November 12th, 2014 Thank You and Nothing More

November 12th, 2014 Thank You and Nothing More

It was a really good day for compliments. I received a couple of them for my physical transformation and I quickly said "thank you," and nothing more. It always seems to be hard to accept compliments. I think it's because when anyone is complimentary, it's natural to believe they're just trying to be nice. Or maybe it's because we're not convinced or we're more focused on the imperfections--so instead of saying "thank you," and dropping it right there, we add things like, "I'm not there yet" or "I've got a long way to go" or a number of other things. And if we utter something in disagreement of their compliment, it's rather impolite, I've been told. So I just said, "thank you." It felt good to accept the kind words. I did think to myself, if they only knew about the inner transformation, they would really be blown away. The inner transformation, that's the biggest and best one--sincerely.

Today was another really solid day with food and exercise. I've danced a little closer this week and held on a little tighter to the fundamentals of my plan. I do this when I'm experiencing stressful or emotional things in my life. Instincts want to send me the other way sometimes, and it's during those moments I must be very mindful to take extraordinary care in every way.

I had another incredible level 12 workout on the elliptical tonight and I just finished some pretty decent strength training exercises. I did squats and modified pushups and I attempted to use my NordicFlex machine, however I think I'm going to need to breakdown and read the instruction manual in order to figure out how to best use this big thing in the middle of my spare bedroom.

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean





Copyright © 2008-2014 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.


"Steel Curtain Zone" and "Calorie Bank and Trust" Copyright © 2008-2014 Intellectual Property of Sean A. Anderson