Thursday, March 19, 2015

March 19th, 2015 The Best Care I Can, Each Day

March 19th, 2015 The Best Care I Can, Each Day

I enjoyed lunch out with my oldest daughter today. We dined at a country style type place. I asked questions until I was comfortable with what I ordered. "What's the milkfat percentage of the cottage 
cheese?" "How lean is the beef in this hamburger steak?" There was a time when I wouldn't have asked anything like these questions.

Now, it's part of me taking the best care I can, each day.

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#tbt Lately, I've considered getting rid of the facial hair. This intense little stare of a photo without facial hair was somewhere along the road of my initial weight loss. I was obviously trying really hard not to smile. This transformation stuff is serious business, I suppose. I'm pretty sure I was trying my best to be sexy and seductive. Why? Because feeling that way was something very foreign to me, still is. I was giving it my best shot in this photo. I look at it now and think, oh brother-this guy has so much to learn!

 I had a great reminder today why it's important to log my food into MFP before consuming. My dinner had the potential to get out of hand. It was gluten free pizza and pasta. Had I not entered the ingredients and amounts first, I could have assembled a plate with way too many. Instead, it was amazingly low cal. Oh, and delicious! In my opinion, it's very important to like what we eat along the way. See the dinner tweet below!

I was grooving to some REO Speedwagon on the elliptical tonight, when suddenly my animated silent lip sync rendition of Time For Me To Fly, got out of control. The wire from my earbuds became snagged by the machine's handles and with six minutes left in my elliptical ride, my phone went flying to the floor.

I was one of two people still in the fitness center area. I had to get someone to grab the phone for me. Because if I stopped, walked around, picked it up and got back on, all of my numbers from tonight's workout would be lost. And I needed an accountability tweet at the end, by golly! I wasn't getting off the machine until my 30 minutes elapsed. Finally I noticed the other guy in the center wasn't wearing earbuds, I asked him to help and he was happy to help! I was almost stuck out there!
My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued success,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

March 18th, 2015 Sometimes It Is

March 18th, 2015 Sometimes It Is

I once proclaimed "it's never too late." Sadly, sometimes it is.

I met Ramsey Moore on location for a film he and I did together in the summer of 2003. (The film was Reality: The Movie, a spoof on various reality TV shows. It never made it to distribution in any form.) Our scenes were together. We played a sportscasting team. We spent the entire day together in 100 degree Fresno heat. We kept in touch after that day via email and eventually social media, but we never worked together again. I had moved back home to Oklahoma and Ramsey was firmly planted in L.A. and doing very well.

He was incredibly nice to me. He made an unforgettable impression on me that day. I didn't tell him I had packed up and headed home already, and that I had flown back out to do this one last commitment. I remember him inviting me to a stand-up show. I deflected and changed the subject.

Had I stayed in California, I'm certain Ramsey and I would have become good friends. I was so happy for him when he started doing bits regularly for Jimmy Kimmel and when he worked with Ashton Kutcher on MTV's Punk'd.

When I found out about his passing via Facebook yesterday morning, I felt an incredible sadness. He was only a few years older than me. He died of a massive heart attack on Monday.

Reading through the endless stream of facebook friends leaving words on his timeline, it was clear. The unforgettably positive attitude and presence he shared with me that day, was something he shared with everyone he came in contact with over the years. He was a gifted actor, stand-up and someone who lived to make people laugh.

We were both stand-up comics and we were both in excess of 500 pounds. I wish I could have helped him in some way. I know that none of us are guaranteed a certain amount of time on this earth, right now is all we have, but in a way, I felt a touch of survivors guilt. I could have very well had the same trajectory as Ramsey. I feel blessed; very lucky, because I made it out--for now. And if I continue making the elements of my recovery important, I'll have a good chance at a longer life. I wish Ramsey could have that chance, too. It's just too late. It's a sad deal. He was one of the really good ones in this world.
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Rest in peace, Ramsey--and thank you for making that 100 degree day in Fresno one I'll never forget--and not because of the heat, it was unforgettable because of you.
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A guest on my radio show yesterday brought me a sugar free bar of chocolate sweetened with Stevia! I waited until today to give it a try. I consumed 1/3 of the bar for 120 calories. It was very good! Even though it's sugar free, I don't think I'll keep 'em around the apartment. I'm a little concerned about my ability to control myself with chocolate bars. I intentionally left the remaining chocolate in the studio kitchen instead of bringing it home. I'll stretch it out and see how long it'll last me. I could easily break it into 60 calorie portions.

I had both pizza and chocolate today. Of course, they were versions that fit my non-negotiable recovery based food plan. It still fun to say, "hey--I had pizza and chocolate--and no guilt!!"

 My plan to get into Yoga class this afternoon didn't work. I was too busy at work to leave at 4 or in time to make the 5:30pm class. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this. When I get busy, my schedule seems to win out over what I need and want to do. It's still something I can change. I can structure my work load better. All I can do is plan on next week, give it an increased priority level and see what happens.

I did get a wonderful workout in at the YMCA this evening.

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

March 17th, 2015 Too Tired

March 17th, 2015 Too Tired

I'll need to catch up on my thoughts tomorrow night. This day was exceptionally long. Hitting the pillow instead of writing.

I had two location broadcasts today. My day started before 5am and I arrived home for the night at nearly 10pm. Once again, too tired to do anything but drop in bed.

Thank goodness for the Tweets!

My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, March 16, 2015

March 16th, 2015 Too Late

March 16th, 2015 Too Late

I let the night get away from me. Now it's too late to get into writing what was on my mind. I'll need to save it for another night!

Highlights: Calorie budget solid. Finished the day with 1,694. After working out and an additional adjustment from Fitbit, my calories burned checked in at 483... Giving me a net calories after exercise calories burned: 1,211. I'll take it!

Abstinence from sugar maintained. Excellent workout at the Y this evening. Water goal hit. Exchanged support texts and emails with others along this road. And I made an amazing low-cal mushroom pizza for lunch today!

Oh--one more thing--Thank you for the amazing mashed cauliflower advice! I'm giving it another shot very soon!

I'm allowing the live-tweets to tell the rest of the story...

My Tweets Today:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, March 15, 2015

March 15th, 2015 Without Stopping To Catch My Breath

March 15th, 2015 Without Stopping To Catch My Breath

It's been an exhausting weekend. Helping a friend move concluded today and included lots of stair climbing while carrying things. The calorie burn was excellent. 677 estimated by FitBit. These big burns the last two days have kind of caught me off guard. I don't like to fall under 1200 net calories after exercise calories burned, but I did yesterday and I'm doing it again tonight, although not as big a gap as yesterday.

The best thing about the move this weekend was being able to do the activity without hesitation, without struggle, without stopping to catch my breath while my heart pounds out of my chest. The exercise was well within my range and ability. It felt amazing.

I tried preparing faux mashed potatoes using cauliflower. Tried is the key word. I messed it up by putting in too much cashew milk and light sour cream, then running it through my Ninja blender. In hindsight, I should have blended the cauliflower, added a little--then blended some more--add a little...Instead, I poured it in and then started blending. It was the consistency of cream gravy. I tasted it and you know what? It was pretty good. I'll try again. If I can get the consistency correct, I'll absolutely prepare it more often. Do you have any tips or tricks for me when it comes to preparing mashed cauliflower? By the way--this was the first time in my life to try cauliflower.

I was proud of my dinner. It was loaded with veggies and that's very unusual for me.

Super tired tonight. Letting the daily live-Tweets take it from here. I sincerely appreciate your readership!

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, March 14, 2015

March 14th, 2015 Big Calorie Burn Day

March 14th, 2015 Big Calorie Burn Day

My plan today included a workout at the YMCA late afternoon. However, helping a friend move quickly became my workout. There wasn't any doubt. I had a great workout today. A lot of lifting and a bunch of activity. Today was the most active day I've had in a very long time. I can't remember the last time I burned 734 calories in one day, but that's the number according to my FitBit Flex.

I took a much needed nap this afternoon before getting up and getting ready for the big Temptations/Four Tops concert. I didn't plan my food as well as I could have, today. I ended the day with 1,601, 99 below my typical 1,700. But with 734 calories burned, my net calories after exercise checked in at 867. That's too low!

I'm letting it be, tonight.

My after concert dinner was way too late and there's no way I'm eating my way up to my usual minimum of 1,200 net calories after exercise calories burned. One low calorie day isn't going to hurt me in the slightest.
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Not that this is a goal. It just caught my eye when the projection popped up after completing my MFP tracking for the day. Whether I call it a goal or not, the number has some significance to me. I lost 275 pounds with that number in mind, achieved it--then after a year and a half of maintaining, found my way back to 394 before turning this ship around. The fact that I'm once again this close to the number I focused on for so long, feels good in an accomplished kind of way. 

Truth is, with weight training, my healthiest weight could eventually end up being where I am today. Or it could end up lower, I really don't know. They say it's important to have concrete goals. And I feel I expressed them well the other night. My goals are to maintain my abstinence from sugar and continue holding sacred all other elements of my recovery. If I do those, the number isn't significant. If I make those things important, I win, every time. My goal is to do just that.

I feel good tonight. It's late once again, but not unusually late for me, especially on a weekend.

My Tweets Today:














Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, March 13, 2015

March 13th, 2015 Gone Was The Clutter

March 13th, 2015 Gone Was The Clutter

I wasn't expecting today to turn into what it did, but it did and I rolled with it. It was exceptionally long with a late afternoon location broadcast ending at 5pm and other work related activities continuing until late. This is the second day in a row without an intentional workout, and again--based on my activity, fitbit gave me a nice calorie burn acknowledgement--almost as much of a burn as one of my typical workouts.

When the plans change and an adjustment is required, it can be a tough thing to accept in a positive way. When this happens, I'm happy to report I'm no longer beating myself up over it, at all. It's okay. My trek has never been perfect, it never will be, nor should I, nor will I, even try to make it perfect. The schedule turned the way it turned and I kept a positive perspective. That's a victory.

I'm just glad to finally be in front of this computer screen for a recap of today.

Free food is often a part of location broadcasting. "Stop by and enjoy plenty of free food," always results in some extra people through the door. Some come for the food only, and that's expected. But some do occasionally stick around and find something of interest other than the hot dogs and chips.

Today it was big premium plump and juicy grilled hot dogs with chips and soft drinks. I declined three encouragements, "grab some food," "have you tried one of those hot dogs?" and "be sure to get some food before you leave." One person on staff at this car sales establishment was very familiar with what I do and at one point, they responded for me before I could politely decline: "He can't eat that kind of stuff." 

I quickly added, "Oh, thank you. Actually, I could eat it, I'm choosing not to eat it. I had a good lunch earlier and plan on eating well later. I appreciate the offer, thank you."

Even if I hadn't had a good lunch, I don't think I would have invested the calories in those giant dogs. Each one must have been 350 calories. With a bun and condiments, we're talking a 500 calorie hot dog--and if not, real close! They were exceptionally large hot dogs.

The important thing I noticed was how the allure was gone. It was non-existent. The dogs, the chips, the soda pop...didn't do a thing for me. It didn't trip my trigger one tiny bit. It wasn't a display of will power. Will power suggests we're resisting something we truly desire. I wasn't desiring any of this stuff.

If I had been hungry, perhaps missed lunch, maybe it would have been alluring. My good lunch was still keeping me, so this food wasn't attractive in the least. The reason this is an important awareness point is because in the past, it didn't matter, hungry or not, I was eating. 

Free food taste good--and once upon a time I would have indulged in a second lunch based on taste and the crazy compulsions in my brain encouraging me to enjoy. Gone was the clutter, leaving only the correct and most natural decision considering the circumstances of the day. To me, this is most exciting--to experience this again and again, a confirmation of a switch being flipped to the off position, is such a blessing. Even better, is understanding what flips that switch to the "ON" position and avoiding that stuff!

I'll be up early tomorrow to finish helping a friend move. There will definitely be a Saturday afternoon nap for me. There's no doubt about it.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, March 12, 2015

March 12th, 2015 My Goal

March 12th, 2015 My Goal

It was a fairly busy day. I took a rest day from working out, yet FitBit gave me a calorie adjustment of 272 based on measured activity. FitBit agrees, it was an active day!

I helped a friend pack a few things tonight for their upcoming move. I'm not necessarily saying that was 272 calories worth of activity, but apparently it must have helped. I really didn't do much.

This week has been wonderful. The lab results on Monday, yesterday's weigh-in and today, my new smaller jeans feel a little loose.

I don't have a number goal. It isn't 230, although in consideration of my epic relapse/regain, I will certainly celebrate when I return to that weight. I would imagine my transition into maintenance mode will begin at some point between 220 and 230.

Instead of a number, my goal is to keep it steady in all aspects of my recovery. My goal is to maintain my abstinence from sugar. My goal is to continue being active in seeking and offering support. My goal is to continue to exercise regularly and eat well. My goal is to write more. My goal is to continue taking good care of me, physically, mentally and emotionally. I have a number of professional and personal goals. Those are the ones getting my attention instead of a number. Those are the goals that matter.

I don't want to proclaim "I did it!" I want to say with confidence, "I'm doing it, every day."


Throwback Thursday takes us all the way back to six years ago. This is the very first video of me on the internet. Chasing the ball in the racquetball court was one of my preferred workouts when I started losing weight. I lost a bunch of weight chasing that little ball. I don't necessarily like the title I assigned this video six years ago. Instead of "Fat guy in racquetball court," it should have been "Determined guy in racquetball court." I was determined. I still am.

My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, March 11, 2015

March 11th, 2015 Weigh Day Edition

March 11th, 2015 Weigh Day Edition

I honestly didn't expect today's weigh-in. I'm not complaining, though. I was sick for over a week during this three week period and missed several workouts. Had it been less than half as much, I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised or disappointed. I truly believe the increased consistency in my water consumption has made a positive impact.
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Another seven pounds gone. It was the same amount as my forty-three week weigh-in. This brings the turnaround from relapse/regain total loss to one hundred forty-three pounds in forty-six weeks. I couldn't be more pleased with this progress.

I've never been one to attempt figuring out the particular consequences, or cause/effect dynamics of what I consume and the exercise I do. I just do what I do. This is what works for me. If I tried to plan it, I'd be stuck way back there, suffering from paralysis by analysis. I have four or five rules that are non-negotiable and the rest are as flexible as I feel on any particular day.

I'm incredibly blessed and immensely grateful. I have much to be thankful for along this road.

A couple of friends and loyal supporters of what I do recently expressed the perception that I never seem to have struggle or off days. Contrary to this perception, I absolutely have off days. The difference, I believe, comes with awareness followed by support.

Like I've written before, if you stripped me of the various accountability and support elements I rely on each and every day, I'd be done. I'm not that strong, my friend, I assure you. People successfully navigate this journey every day without most of the pillars I use--and I'm in awe of those people. They're the super strong ones.

It's okay to not be strong. We're not super-human. We're real people. It's okay. Most of us relate with this lack of strength. It doesn't mean we're doomed, It just means we must consider, then implement necessary structural and foundation plans to help us along the way. These come in a variety of forms and can be mixed and matched to fit. Your non-negotiable elements, the things you're making an iron-clad decision about, need good support. And support is out there, from your personal spiritual relationship to your BFF, to groups like TOPS, Weight Watchers and OA. We each find the combination that works for us, as a unique individual.

I've had days where I'm not feeling it at all. Days where I don't feel like doing anything positive. Perhaps it's the inner self-destruct mode trying to come undone.  It's in those moments when I also feel like my food sobriety is most threatened. Pausing, just long enough to assess what's really happening, then reaching out to a support buddy via text or call, or both, reinforces the honest conclusions taking shape.

The popular H.A.L.T. acronym comes in to play in these circumstances. Am I too hungry, angry, lonely or tired? All of these things can trick me into thinking excess food is the solution to the problem. I could certainly add a few letters. Am I experiencing job stress, financial stress or not feeling well? Is it just a bad day all around?

I've had several examples over the last 46 weeks where excellent awareness and support saved my tail. The biggest being a particular Friday night last fall.

It was an emotional night. Something I felt could have been so good, came to an abrupt end. Realizing the heaviness of what had just happened left me sitting in my car at a loss. What just happened and how could it have been prevented?

It was too late and I knew it. In hindsight, it was the correct direction for all involved, but that night, my brain didn't think so. My brain was convinced a pint of full fat, full of sugar ice cream and a spoon would be the perfect medicine. I was alone, it was getting late--I was literally sixty-seconds away from access to my drug of choice.

No spoon? I have fingers. And yes, I've eaten a pint of ice cream in my car with my fingers on one occasion. It's been a long time, but yeah--that happened. To be clear, the cheap plastic spoon from the convenience store broke as I was forcing it to scoop out the first dose. I needed the ice cream and fingers seemed to be the best option. I learned from that experience: Always grab a few extra cheap plastic spoons.

I remember having a similar near breakdown on Day 60 of my initial weight loss, in fact, I wrote about the experience in my book. This particular experience was much more intense because so much more was riding on this one. My solid turnaround didn't feel solid in those moments. It felt like it was melting away, sliding through my fingers, until....HALT!!!

Had I not stopped for a moment in fear of what I was about to throw away, I wouldn't have sent the text to or called Life Coach Gerri for some much needed outside perspective. I needed a perspective unaffected by the emotions of the night. Gerri put a spotlight on all the right points. Suddenly I felt strong again. I wasn't alone, ever and everything was going to be okay, even if being okay meant embracing a different set of emotional circumstances.

The pint of ice cream didn't happen, thank God. I was so relieved hitting the pillow that night feeling like I had straight up dodged a bullet.

When your personal awareness is turned up and it's tempered with an extra helping of self-honesty, the old excuses and rationalizations lose their power to control the situation. They still try their best... 

 Look how well you're doing--really, one pint of ice cream isn't going to kill you. You need this. It's comforting for goodness sake, just eat the dang ice cream already!!! You'll feel so much better!!

 And you know what? For some it's harmless. For people NOT like me, that pint of ice cream might be largely inconsequential; exactly the pleasure needed for a night like this one.

 For me, it would have been the beginning of the end, again. 

Off days and struggles are all a part of this journey we're experiencing. How we choose to react to them is the difference. And if we take the time to establish our support system, however we can, then we have a foundation of support for the kind of choices and reactions that give us a better chance for success.
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I'll let the Tweets share the details of the day. It was good! Great weigh day, excellent food and a wonderful workout. My dinner tonight--oh my, incredibly delicious and filling--check it out below!

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 12 comments:

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

March 10th, 2015 I Couldn't Think Of Anything

March 10th, 2015 I Couldn't Think Of Anything

Thank you for all of the wonderful congratulations I received after the fantastic check up at the doctor's office yesterday. I'm very fortunate. Given my history, it could have been a very different story a long time ago.

It's hard to describe the feeling I carry these days. I remember feeling this same feeling as I approached goal in 2010. It's a freedom with many different layers, the physical being just the beginning, it sits atop layers and layers of deeper mental and emotional freedom.

I remember flying across the water on a SeaDoo watercraft during my initial weight loss. I weighed close to what I weigh now. I recall trying to think of something to say to describe how it felt to fly across the water like that. It was something I had never done before, something I wouldn't have attempted at 505 pounds. Certainly I could think of something descriptive to say about this sensation for a YouTube video---and I couldn't think of anything. Turns out, I didn't need to say anything. Here's that clip:

Pure joy. So much fun!

It was a busy day for me. One of my goals was to make sure I completed my workout before going home for the weight loss support group conference call. I made that goal with a great elliptical workout late this afternoon.

Tomorrow is weigh day. I'll make my way back into the doctor's office for my tri-weekly visit to the scale and we'll see what it reads. I'm not holding any expectations. This three week period included being sick for over a week with few workouts. I must remember, there isn't an end to the elements of my recovery.

There isn't a point where I revert to old ways of living because "I made it!" The key elements of what I do will be a part of my successful recovery for the rest of my life. If ever they're not, my recovery will cease being successful. In other words, time doesn't matter. If it takes me six weeks or six months to reach what I would consider to be my healthiest weight, what does it matter? It doesn't. Because either way, I'll be right here doing what I do, before and after.

My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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