Friday, August 21, 2015

August 21st, 2015 Without Explanation-Without Hesitation

August 21st, 2015 Without Explanation-Without Hesitation

Two things I knew about today going in: It was going to be busy and I needed to plan and prepare. Planning and preparing beyond food, too. I planned and took a midday nap, exercising an option to split my studio workday in half. And since we were short staffed this afternoon, it equally benefited me and the radio station.

I had a big gig tonight, emceeing and playing music for the Party at The Palace, a bi-annual fundraiser for our area chamber of commerce held at the historic Marland Mansion. My normal requires me to plan ahead as far as food is concerned.

I hadn't a clue what they would be serving at this event, so I made sure to prepare, weigh and pack some fruit--just in case I needed a fallback plan. As it turned out, the food was fine and I was able to navigate the choices easily. Just to be sure, I spoke with the caterer while preparing my plate. I wanted some of the burgundy mushrooms and a small portion of the prime rib--both were possibly containing refined sugar, so I had to ask. I did ask, politely and without explanation. The caterer obliged politely and without hesitation. No sugar in the prep of either items in question. Perfect.

 My abstinence from refined sugar is that important to me. It took very little effort to gain the certainty I needed before plating those two items. I ended up eating the apple I packed and bringing the other two baggies of fruit home.

There were over 600 people in attendance tonight. Everywhere I turned, someone was commenting on my weight loss. The compliments were numerous. And I had a couple of words of caution, as in "you really shouldn't lose anymore" to which I replied, "I'm not trying to lose anymore!" One gentleman, who listened regularly twenty years ago to my radio show on another radio station, in a different city, came up to the stage tonight to ask if I was the same guy. "I don't forget a voice and your voice is the same but you look completely different." That was a pretty cool experience. He remembered 500 pound me very well. He said he just couldn't believe it and he was proud of me. Again--very cool.

 My goal of planning better today was accomplished. I planned well.
photo 123 A Bethany and Whitney_zpstkbwooph.jpg
A couple of friends of mine, Bethany and Whitney, at tonight's big party. Both of these young ladies have had wonderful weight loss success stories. Bethany told me of her success, not too long ago--and Whitney once weighed just shy of 200 pounds before she decided to choose change. She's maintained her weight loss for years. Whitney is a long time reader of this blog. Right after Bethany snapped the photo, Whitney said something to the effect of I want to see that picture on the blog!
It isn't the first time she's been on this blog. She bought one of my leather "I'm Choosing Change" adjustable bracelets a few years ago and posed for a picture wearing hers.
photo photo42_zps94f034f4.jpg

Intentional exercise wasn't in the plan today. If my fitbit actually worked (it's broken), I'm sure it would show a nice activity calorie adjustment. Instead, I can feel the work of the day and night. And that's good enough for me.

I'm sleeping in tomorrow morning until at least 9 or 10am. I have a location broadcast starting at noon. I should be well rested.

My Tweets Today:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, August 20, 2015

August 20th, 2015 I'll Get There

August 20th, 2015 I'll Get There

Today kicked my tail. It was busy from start to finish with a big meeting, away from the studio, smack dab in the middle. By the time I strolled into my apartment late this afternoon, there wasn't any question, I was taking a nap. I was a wreck. A good nap was absolutely necessary to get me through this evening. Kind of like hitting a refresh button, I jumped up just before 7pm, enjoyed some coffee and prepared dinner, followed by some exercise in the park, a fast and small grocery trip and now sitting down to write tonight's blog post.

I sincerely appreciate all the fantastic advice, counsel and opinions concerning yesterday's weigh-in. I hope you understand why I haven't replied. I sincerely haven't been able to, in the way I like to do it. 

When I sit down to reply to email or a blog comment, I take my time to really absorb and understand the communication--then I reply in complete and thorough fashion. I'm looking forward to making time to catch up this weekend. Your thoughts and questions are important and appreciated. Thank you for your support and understanding!

It's Throwback Thursday!
photo revisedbeforeandafteronthegrill.jpg
#TBT I believe this was one of my first "before & now" pictures. The 329lbs photo is further proof that I've always carried my weight as well as possible. I've been very lucky in that way. I look at 329 pounds and think, that physical version of me doesn't look like it has 111 pounds to spare.

Even at my heaviest, most who guessed my weight, (like there was some kind of constant line forming--it really wasn't that many--but several over the years, for sure) guessed one hundred pounds too low.

Apparently it's a common game people like to play when you're morbidly obese. I always smiled and accommodated their curiosity while thinking, what am I, a carnival side show? Step right up ladies and gentleman!! I suppose it's the same thing that compels people to find out the weight of anything abnormally/excessively large--like pumpkins or squash, or really big animals.

If the guess of your weight comes from someone you hardly know, or just met, it can feel kind of dehumanizing--like your obesity suddenly becomes a curious-fun little game for the entertainment of the intrusive and inappropriate people. I've always been way too nice to the yahoos, who, bless their hearts--don't seem to possess the slightest common sense and decency. Their ignorance contributes to their bliss and now I'm enabling it with my silence and compliance. LOL, literally, LOL. 

Tomorrow is setting up to be even more involved than today. I have an emcee/dj gig tomorrow evening for the Party At The Palace. It's a huge fundraiser for our area chamber of commerce. One thing I resolve to do better than I did today: Plan and prepare. My lunch was a peanut butter tostada and fruit. It wasn't planned. It came about because I made my way into the studio kitchen and discovered I was out of most everything I keep. I made something work with what I had on hand.

I hit the trail tonight in the cool 65 degree air. I love the cooler weather we're experiencing lately. Several days separating me and my last jogging attempt--and wow, okay--tough tough tough. My times reflected the challenge. I'm fine with what I accomplished. I'm just getting started. I'm going to make it very well. I fully expect to have already made it through a 5K jog a couple times before the run for autism in late September. I'll get there.

My Tweets Today:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, August 19, 2015

August 19th, 2015 Without A Net

August 19th, 2015 Without A Net

This certainly isn't what I expected at the doctor's office this morning. 1.2 pounds down. I don't need to lose anymore weight. Perhaps a little more aggressive approach to weight maintenance is needed. It's early and I'm not getting too concerned. I'm bumping it up another 200 calories a day starting tomorrow.

I've never been in this position. I've never weighed, had a loss and thought, "well crud." I can certainly see where this might come off annoying to read-- but seriously, if ever there was a week I thought I would surely see a gain, it was this week. I fully expected a small gain.

I searched the archives from my initial weight loss, hoping to find some words to help--and I didn't find anything. I hit 230 back in November 2010 and it was awesome. I'll never forget it. But here's the deal: I didn't have the same mindset as I do now. I didn't have a solid list of non-negotiable fundamental elements. I mean, really--I posted 5 blog pages in the entire month of November 2010. I was out there experiencing this wonderful feeling of freedom--completely without a net. My accountability system was the blog only--and I clearly wasn't fully committed to maintaining its consistency. I had some support, but not like I have now. I wasn't approaching it from a recovery standpoint, like I do now. So I just didn't get too caught up in the details of it all.

This relaxed approach I embraced back then was a very slippery slope for someone like me. I did maintain fairly well for a year and a half before the relapse/regain period started. So, surely there's something I can use from back there--something...anything?

I stand behind the mental and emotional explorations and epiphanies back then. And the elements too, it wasn't a bad plan. It just wasn't all I needed for long term success.

Do I have all I need now? Only if I maintain the fundamental elements of my recovery--and even then, it's not a guarantee. I'm only as strong as my next choice.

So it's no wonder I'm taking a very careful approach this time around.
photo 218-420weigh20day_zpsqxquloi0.jpg
I will add the extra 200 calories per day and I'll weigh again in a week. If I get another loss, then I'll get more aggressive. The key for me is reminding my brain that it's okay. It's perfectly okay to eat more. My body clearly needs more--even if it feels like I eat sufficiently already. What's not okay would be sacrificing my abstinence from sugar and resorting to binge mode. That's not the solution. Given my experience and track record, it's imperative I proceed with well measured caution.
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I took Noah back to his Nana's house this evening. We stopped at a little fresh-mex fast food place for dinner. I like this little place because I know the ingredients are fresh and I can order things the way I want/need.

Leaving him wasn't easy. He's well cared for and loved there, too--so it's all good. Still, tough. I was missing him as soon as I pulled away. I was feeling exceptionally emotional. He's just the greatest. I love him so much.

I immediately shared how I felt with several of my support team. When emotions swirl, that's when I'm most vulnerable. Instead of eating the feelings, I shared them--and instead of taking a fourth consecutive day of no exercise, (I was seriously contemplating this--simply because I felt off from the emotional challenges). I laced up and took a nice refreshing walk. I didn't jog tonight. Just a good, long, 45 minute walk. It helped tremendously.

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, August 18, 2015

August 18th, 2015 How Long Will This Take?

August 18th, 2015 How Long Will This Take?

 This day, oh my. It got out of hand very quickly. I was challenged in several different ways. I picked up Noah from daycare after I left the studio, headed home and wasn't home very long before returning for weather coverage. Noah stayed at my place with a friend of mine while I went back to work. 

 I participated in the Tuesday night support group conference call as best I could, from the studio, but my work duties kept me off the call for the majority. Thankfully Life Coach Gerri stepped in and took it home tonight. 

 Dinner was pushed back excessively late--and oh yeah, those exercise plans for today? Not happening. I'm thoroughly exhausted physically and mentally.

 I've enjoyed having Noah, although I feel like I've hardly spent time with him today. Thank goodness for good friends! 

 He's getting really attached. He didn't want me to leave this morning when I took him to his classroom at the Child Development Center. This is very rare. He usually sees the kids and toys and he's ready to play! Then tonight, after the long day--he immediately wanted me to pick him up. When I put him back down, he wanted up again and again. I honored each request. Perhaps I shouldn't give him everything he wants, but I felt bad for being away most of the day.

 We were discussing time and impatience for results in our weekly group this evening. It reminded me of something I wrote a while back. It's interesting to me--very telling actually, the original version doesn't mention accountability or support one time. The revised version does, of course. I thought I would share the updated/revised 2015 version--

 Revised/updated--
How Long Will This Take?
We live in an instant society. Everything happens now. When something takes a little longer we get impatient. Surely there’s a way to make it go faster! When this impatient attitude is applied to weight loss, many people turn to diet pills or “miracle” products that promise quick results. I’ve done it before too! But I’ve learned that there’s just no substitute for eating in a responsible way, exercising and building a good accountability and support structure.

 You might get some temporary results with the latest fad diet, but none of us want temporary. We want a real solid change. And those changes come with consistent effort, a responsible diet and exercise plan that leans on accountability and support, and the willingness to learn new habits. Losing weight isn’t an instant thing, it takes patience and consistency. The results may not be now, but the results will come.

 Again, how long are we talking? At over 500 pounds it was very easy for me to get discouraged about the answer to that question. I allowed my impatience to ruin many weight loss attempts because I wanted the results now, and if we’re not getting what we want we get frustrated, and when we’re frustrated it makes it unnecessarily difficult to stay focused.

 But what I’ve learned has proven to me that time doesn’t matter. If you allow yourself to get discouraged about the task at hand and the time it will take to accomplish your goal, then you’re putting your focus in the wrong place.

 Forget about time and just start making the changes you know must be made.

 Before you know it you’ll have made amazing strides toward your goal in surprisingly little time. Because guess what? Time doesn’t care if you do this or not. Time will keep moving with or without you. So how long is this going to take? As long as it needs.

 Because this isn’t something you’re doing for a couple of months. The changes in your mind and habits are changes that will hopefully be with you the rest of your life, these kind of changes are exactly what give us the best chance at lasting success.

 So how do we forget about time and still get results in a timely manner? One word: Consistency.

 My results may seem too fast to some, but those around me know exactly why they’ve come so fast. It’s consistency. In the past I would do well three days then bad for four. Pick it up on Monday and do well until Friday, then eat like a mad man on the weekend. This inconsistency severely crippled my results and it seemed like it was taking forever to get anywhere.

 If you would have asked how I was doing during those times, I would have replied “doing great, it’s a slow process, but I’m getting there.” It wasn’t until I became completely honest about my consistency issues that I was able to realize such dramatic results in so little time.

 Forget about time and be consistent in your efforts to eat responsibly, exercise, build your accountability and support structure--and honestly change your mind and habits with these activities and like magic, you’ll enjoy the most amazing multifaceted transformation--in hardly anytime at all.
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I weigh tomorrow morning and if how I feel at this very moment is any indication, it might be a record weigh day. Not in pounds lost, but pounds gained while not off the rails! 

 All of the elements are coming together for this to happen: I haven't exercised for three days straight, my calories are comfortably at 2,000 each day and since there wasn't any way I was coming home to cook late this evening, I picked up dinner from the Mexican place close to my apartment--a sodium filled fajita chicken and squash with taco shells, lettuce cheese and sour cream. 

 A good support friend suggested I give myself a break and skip tomorrow's weigh-in. I could wait until next week. But nah--I'm not afraid. It'll be whatever it is. This is good practice, because not every week will be text book--some weeks will get crazy--some days will feel chaotic--workouts could be missed, water goals not hit and sodium limits shattered!! 

 What I can say with certainty: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget. I'm "food sober" and I maintained my commitment to abstinence from refined sugar. Those are kind of a big deal. 

 Deep breath--everything will be okay and just fine. Tomorrow night's entry could be interesting. 

 By the way--my apologies for getting behind on email and blog comment replies. I haven't had a chance, seriously. If you've asked a question--it's important to me and I will get back with you soon! 

 Noah is sound asleep. My goal in the next 15 minutes is to go to bed without waking him. I take him back to his Nana's (Irene's) tomorrow. And I know, as soon as I leave, I'll be missing him again.  

 My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, August 17, 2015

August 17th, 2015 A Different Focus

August 17th, 2015 A Different Focus

Last night was turbulent. The tossing and turning and waking-- It isn't the little guy's fault. He's not accustomed to sleeping here.

He's finally asleep tonight and I'm right behind him.

This is day two in a row of not hitting my exercise goal. I'm simply acknowledging--not beating myself up over it. 

If hitting 2,000 cal a day, eating out three nights in a row (Fri-Sun) and now having two consecutive days of no workouts, still results in any kind of loss at all--it's definitely time for some changes!

I'll likely gain a little. And that'll be just fine. (No really--it'll be okay...I say with a straight face...I won't get all weird about it... okay, maybe a little weird..but that's me, I mean-- we'll see...that's Wednesday, tomorrow's Tuesday---Geez Louise, one day at a time, Sean!!!).

Seriously, out of perrentacies, It's a different focus--a different perspective, now.

I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I maintained my abstinence from sugar and I exceeded my water goal today. It's always a good day when I can hit the pillow knowing I did all three of those.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, August 16, 2015

August 16th, 2015 Then Okay, I'm Okay

August 16th, 2015 Then Okay, I'm Okay

I slept in very well this morning. I needed the sleep. The only real issue for me when I do this is my food schedule gets tilted. What would normally be lunch, is breakfast and dinner is actually lunch. It left me short on calories, fairly late--so I did the best I could with an apple, some natural peanut butter and 21g almonds. It was 419 calories of snack. Or was it dinner? See what I mean?

It was Noah time this afternoon. Thank goodness a friend volunteered to help me out with him. I become a complete nervous wreck with a two year old. We picked him up from his Nana's and traveled to Stillwater to visit with mom and have lunch--or was it dinner out at our favorite Mexican place? Little man will be staying with me a few days.

The restaurant selection was simple. I don't need a menu. I know exactly what I want with very little deviation--although I did add some cheese and a tablespoon of guacamole to my fajita chicken crispy tacos.

I've had restaurant meals the last three evenings. These days, it's kind of a rare thing. I even indulged in one of my occasional favorites, fried catfish, on Friday night. And last night I allowed myself a deep fried pork and vegetable egg roll without the sauce, of course!! The sauce on the side was liquid sugar. I kept the portions within my boundaries and felt good about it all. I prefer cooking my meals at home. But occasionally, restaurants happen. For me, as long as I order well--maintaining the integrity of my calorie budget and abstinence from refined sugar, then okay--I'm okay.  

Noah didn't want to go to bed tonight. It was a two hour process. I finally laid down with him for a little while and ended up falling asleep....luckily, so did he.

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, August 15, 2015

August 15th, 2015 I Receive The Same

August 15th, 2015 I Receive The Same

The social differences that come with weight loss can be interpreted in different ways, good or bad. I've noticed how I'm treated differently at a healthy body weight. I attract more smiles and attention than I did at 500 pounds. And on the surface it's easy to fault the other person. But since allowing myself to dissect it a little further, I've drawn some alternative conclusions.

I believe it starts with me and what I'm projecting in any given situation. Let's be real, at 505 pounds I was fairly miserable most of the time. I didn't like getting out too much and if I could help it, I didn't. I was super self-conscious and my confidence level was extremely low. Doing what I've done and what I do for a living, I could put on a smile and show, as if it were a uniform--and get the job done, all the while projecting how I felt about me onto everyone else.

If I didn't like me, they didn't either. If I was judging me, they were judging me. If I considered myself grotesque, so did those horrible people! Perhaps a few might have been doing these things--I mean, some people just suck, sure--but I would safely bet 90% were never really treating me the way my self-loathing brain perceived.

I was giving some fairly negative energy a lot of the time. It's no surprise I received the same. And not necessarily bad things--just less smiles and much less attention.

I now walk with more confidence. The physical changes have made an impact, or course. The mental/emotional changes--the strength of perception and source of my self-worth and identity, have changed too, and it's really created a different, more positive energy around me and emanating from me. It's no surprise I receive the same.

I'm a firm believer in we get what we give. It isn't a flawless law of course, some get way more than they give and others still get short changed, receiving much less than they give. But on average and most of the time, we get what we give. If I'm now projecting something completely different from once upon a time, I shouldn't be puzzled by the different returns.
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I had a location broadcast this morning from a grocery store. The main draw to this broadcast was fire roasted Hatch Chili Peppers from Hatch, New Mexico. This is Hatch season, a short window every year when these world famous peppers can be found. I bought some near the end of my broadcast. After two hours of talking about all of the wonderful ways you can cook with them, I had to come home and give it a try. Lunch was incredibly flavorful; amazing, really.

Amber and I had a great dad/daughter night out. It was dinner and the big Sara Evans concert. We had an exceptional time. The best part is always found in how much alike we are in some of the smallest details, like what we notice and what we find humorous. Our sensibilities and sense of humor are almost identical.

My workout today was a walk/jog in the park, on the trail and in the sun. It really wasn't too bad. I've discovered the differences between real world terrain and an indoor track. I have a much more challenging time jogging outside. I'm making some great progress, though--and I'm confident I'll be ready for the 5K come the end of September.

My Tweets Today:








































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, August 14, 2015

August 14th, 2015 Earlier Than Normal

August 14th, 2015 Earlier Than Normal

Long day. Good day! I'm making it to bed earlier than normal on a Friday night. And letting the Tweets handle this post. Very tired...ZZzZzzzzzz.

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, August 13, 2015

August 13th, 2015 I'm No Superman

August 13th, 2015 I'm No Superman

I've felt rather fatigued today. Getting too little sleep through the work week is an ongoing thing for me. Have you noticed I stopped complaining about it? As with anything else, I finally realized that when it becomes something I decide to make important, I'll change the habits. Until then, I'm obviously and intentionally making it work by supplementing with regular naps, coffee and getting as much sleep as I can on weekends.

I enjoyed a slower pace today. I had a great dinner, followed by a good coffee, then spent time visiting with my grandson at his Nanas (Irene's) house. Noah played monster and chased me around the living room. He also insisted I dangle him by the legs so he could walk with his hands. He's the best. I'll be picking him up on Sunday for a stay with me for a few days. I think he's really looking forward to more monster chasing and hand walking. I better clean my carpets.

Instead of the YMCA this evening, I hit the trail after getting back in town from my Noah visit. Perhaps it was because I'm tired or the hills of the trail or a combination of both, but I didn't make it as long as I did last night. My best tonight was nearly two minutes less than last night. I'm not too concerned about it. Mainly just an observation. I'm making progress. And I'm doing my best at remaining consistent because I know from experience, consistency brings big results. I've declared I will run that end of September 5K without stopping and I fully intend to hit that goal. 

photo Superman_zpsixazzmg3.jpg
#TBT This photo was taken for the radio station's social media as I promoted the last big Superman movie at a location broadcast inside a Walmart Super Center. I was planning on writing a fun little piece tonight all about how when we're doing well, we can sometimes feel like Superman--or, uh--Superwoman. The point was how important it is to break away from that way of thinking, stay grounded and to NOT try to be Superman. It's better and more consistent when we're just doing the best we can each day.

It's about consistency and progress, not perfection. Striving for perfection is the quickest detour away from this road. This isn't the fun little piece I wanted to write tonight...but, it's late and I'm no Superman. :)

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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