Showing posts with label body image hangups. Show all posts
Showing posts with label body image hangups. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

September 17th, 2014 The Pull-Over Dynamic

September 17th, 2014 The Pull-Over Dynamic

I never wear pull-over shirts. I haven't since I was a young kid. I'm convinced I was one of the founding originators of the fashion trend of wearing a t-shirt with a button down shirt unbuttoned, over. I was doing that in junior high and high school. I didn't do it because I thought it was a cool way to dress. I did it because I somehow convinced my brain that it made me look smaller and concealed my extra chest fat.

I've been given several pull-overs through the years from employers and from special events I've helped promote--and I never wear them. I usually give them away to someone who will wear them--but it's never me.

I'm working with a limited wardrobe these days because I refuse to go out and buy a big bunch of clothing that'll be too big in a months time (or less). As I was getting dressed this morning, I realized that my big blue "outer shirt" needs to be donated very soon. It's become ridiculously big. Okay--that doesn't make sense. It's the same size it was when I bought it--I've lost a lot of weight since then and now it looks crazy big on me. It's the shirt I was wearing on stage at the music festival a few weeks ago.

That leaves me one "outer shirt" that somewhat fits, but is still slightly big on me. So now what? Should I break down and buy a few things? Or raid my closet to sort through and find some things that might work? I chose to dive into my closet.

I found a brand new, never worn, pullover given to me by my employer with our community website logo sewn onto the left breast area. It's a very nice shirt. I tried it on a few months ago when it was originally gifted and it was way too tight. This morning, it was perfect. And even though I've had this hangup my entire adult life, I was able to let it go, be okay--and just be me. It fit and it looked exactly like it should. I received a few compliments on it too, because wearing it really showcases the dramatic weight loss of the last five months.

Being "okay" is new to me. It doesn't scare me and I'm not running the other way or dealing with it by eating. I'm okay!! I'm taking a deep breath and relaxing my defensive stance against the misaligned, highly imaginative creations of my brain that try to tell me otherwise. In doing this--these thoughts have lost their power over me. I'm not just pretending to be okay anymore, I'm really, genuinely--authentically, okay! And that's an amazing transformation of perspective.

I had a phenomenal food day. Wow. I loved every bit of it, every bite! I can't express how much of a difference it makes to take the time to plan and prepare good food. I made extra and shared with my fellow colleagues today at lunch. It was a wonderful opportunity to discuss what I'm doing and it was a natural conversation fueled by their questions and appreciation for the lunch! It was my pleasure.

The Twitter feed I maintain with everything photographed and counted has had a tremendously positive impact on me. It has slowed me down just enough to think about what I'm eating, how much I'm eating and if the lighting is right for the photo. I take pride in my choices. I take pride in my food diary on MyFitnessPal too and it all adds up to a very positive food experience.

I do not, in any way, shape or form, feel deprived, left out or cheated. I eat what I love and nothing I don't. Before going abstinent from sugar, I couldn't imagine being able to make such a grand commitment. But I'll tell you, without hesitation or asterisk--It is, hands down--the single most important food decision I've ever made.

Giving up sugar has truly helped change my life for the better. It certainly isn't for everybody--and isn't necessary for a lot of people, but folks like me who have addictive reactions to certain foods and substances, stopping the substance--stops the craziness. It's a beautiful thing and I wouldn't trade the peace it's given me for all the sugary treats in the world.

My workout on the elliptical this evening was fantastic. I'm "hearing" my girlfriend Heather's voice in my ears telling me I can do more and I deserve more and better. The two of us only get a chance to exercise together once a week at best, but her ability to coach and encourage in the most positive way has stayed with me when we're not together.

I may go out and buy some new shirts after-all. Yeah, some pull-overs. I love the way this feels.

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your incredible support,
Strength,
Sean
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