Day 640 Back In The Groove and Courtney Rocks!

Day 640

Back In The Groove and Courtney Rocks!

I arrived home from my trip late last night; actually, it was early morning by the time I settled into my apartment. But I was fine, all was right and good…I’m ready to get back into the groove around here. Not this morning, oh no…uh, yeah---I jumped up late and raced to the studio just in time to start the show at 6am. I grabbed some food on the way---some scrambled eggs and yogurt, because breakfast just can’t be ignored, and I was good!

Today I was asked if I had any interest in fronting a new restaurant venture. By “fronting,” I believe that means being the “face” of and recipe/marketing consultant for such a venture. Hmmm, that sounds interesting. Without too many details---it would be a restaurant that focuses on real food—prepared in responsible portions, with calorie counts and Weight Watchers points—along with other nutritional information calculated and posted on each meal. It’s purely speculative right now, but it was an interesting idea…and from a marketing standpoint—I’m lovin’ it. Oh wait, that’s—uh, never mind…;) Anyway, we’ll see where that goes. I don’t necessarily have any aspirations to be a hands-on restaurateur, but a “Jared” type with input on menu and marketing, sure…that sounds fun.

This day wouldn’t stop coming. Every moment was full of something. You know what it was missing? A much needed nap, that’s what. And Kenz, it was missing Kenz. I was scheduled to speak briefly at the opening of the “Lose To Win” seminar, and then it was off to play rehearsal. Now before my mom starts worrying about my health and well being, it’s not the same schedule as the play last year---that was a full-length stage production requiring six weeks of intense rehearsals. This is a one-act that will be performed twice, once at the Poncan Theatre and once at the Oklahoma State Theatre Festival in Norman. I can handle that!

Acting, flying, eating, exercising, wearing clothes that I could only dream of wearing not long ago---it’s all mixed into this wonderful ride. When I struggle, and I do occasionally (don't we all?), I shift my focus to all of the good this new lifestyle creates. It’s not always peaches, cream, and dreams…but it’s always positive, and positively a million miles from where I came.

I must share with you all about my youngest daughter Courtney and her boyfriend Bradley. They are taking their journeys by the horns and making it exactly what they want. They work out everyday, sometimes twice a day---and now they’re setting some clearly defined goals. Courtney will be 195 by July 4th and Brad will weigh in at 270 on that day. We talked tonight about what the two of them are doing and why it's working so well. The answer?

They’re keeping it very simple! They have an account at the Calorie Bank and Trust—and they understand exactly how to use that account. Courtney really has a keen understanding of the mental dynamics that are responsible for transforming her father. I’m so happy to hear that she’s doing so well! I will not pressure my girls to do anything, they’re old enough to make good choices—they understand. And that makes me so happy! I’m so proud of you Courtney, you absolutely ROCK!!

It doesn’t make me happy that I didn’t get a good workout today. Every minute was claimed---so I’m good. Perfectly imperfect as always!

What a great week! I’m looking forward to a nice weekend with plenty of rest and some wonderful workouts, and maybe a few “playouts!” I hope to make swimming a part of that plan.

I must submit a before and current picture with that interview I mentioned the other day. I know I’ll use the latest tuxedo picture as the current---but I’m up in the air on the before picture. I’ve posted a few below. If you have a moment---give me your vote for the before shot I should submit.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean


I know this is the third time I’ve posted this shot…no explanation from me—other than, this is what I’ll submit as a “current” picture for the interview I’m doing. I need help deciding on the “before.”

Before #1


Before #2


Before #3

I hate this one--precisely why it’s such a good “before” shot!


My youngest at the YMCA…This young lady will soon be 17. It thrills me to realize that she can transform her mind and body and never be considered an obese adult! She’s rocking this deal!

Day 639 Last Day In The Bayou and Admiration For Richard

Day 639

Last Day In The Bayou and Admiration For Richard

My last day on the bayou wasn't going to be spent sleeping, that's for sure. I needed the sleep, of course...but we had things to do, alligators to see! Joan, Kenz's mom, woke me up from the couch at 5:20am. I was up, drinking coffee, and writing before 6am. I enjoyed some fruit and a few whole cashews, with plans of more later.

Before I go one word further, I just want to say something. If you're a regular reader, perhaps having read every single post, you know how personal this daily diary can become. Through it all, I've learned valuable lessons and discovered where certain boundaries should never be compromised. I know all about setting up boundaries, having just gone through an emotionally tough divorce. With that said, I wasn't expecting to allow anyone into my heart for a very long time. But sometimes—you can't stop it. You can't deny it. You can't ignore so many wonderful connections and feelings. Kenz understands me and I understand her. We respect each other completely. I really didn't have to say a word, because the pictures of us together say it all. I'm crazy about her. She inspires me to be the best Sean I can be. She's beautiful, smart, talented, and she makes me smile. This is as close to that boundary line as I'll get. But I didn't want to not say this---because this is a daily diary, this is my life, my transformation---it's all a part of this fortunate and amazing ride from the five hundred five pound man I once was.

OK---Let's travel back into the archives, shall we? I often sing the praises of Richard Simmons—and it was this day a year ago when I explained my admiration of him:

Now, I said the listeners of my show were always kind and supportive, however, one of them decided to call me a name while commenting last night's blog. I was a “kiss *ss” according to Joe. Here's the copy and paste version of what Joe had to say:

“Your such a kiss *ss to richard simmons. Doas he pay you or somthing! good stuf-what u write-i just dont get the constent mention of how great richard simmons is. are you gonna start weering shorts and tank tops too! i listen to you every morning on klor, joe."

Wow, my spell checker is throwing a fit! Sorry for the jab Joe, I couldn't resist, much like you couldn't when you left this comment! Before I respond to this, I already know that my comedy buddy Cruz in LA will be upset with me for even giving this comment the time of day. Cruz was upset with me for devoting almost an entire blog to my imprisoned childhood bullies back on Day 53's “Childhood Bullies and Me.” (That posting comes complete with their actual prison mugshots! I don't know how to do a hyperlink, but you can find it in the November 2008 archive) I understand why Cruz feels that way, I do, but really...I don't mind explaining my admiration and respect for Richard Simmons, so Cruz buddy, relax, I got this...

I first remember watching Richard Simmons with my mother when I was a young child. My mom lost 100 pounds back then and part of her exercise routine involved watching and working out to “The Richard Simmons Show.” That show was unlike any workout show I'd ever watched before or since. Richard was very real, very compassionate, he would talk directly to the camera and let you know that you wasn't alone in your struggles. He sent hope and inspiration through the TV screen with every episode. I may have only been eight or nine, but his sincerity and never ending love for helping people wasn't lost on a little boy named Sean. I got it.

Over the years I watched as Richard's career and popularity exploded. And through it all, he's remained the same caring, compassionate, and real person I remember as a child. His success couldn't be helped. You see, I can't imagine that he ever created a weight loss system or series of workout videos for the sole purpose of making money. He developed these products because he knew they would help people with their struggle to be free from obesity. That genuine caring and compassion is exactly why he is where he is today. Can the number of people he's inspired over the last 30 some years even be calculated? I'm positive that it's a tremendous number. So when I say things like “The weight loss industry is a waste of money,” I want to make it very clear that there are some fantastic exceptions to that statement, Richard Simmons is at the top of that list. I know that my attitude and extreme criticism of the weight loss industry will never win me even the smallest of endorsement deals, and that's completely cool, I wouldn't want them anyway, because I've discovered that losing weight isn't about the products you'll find in the “weight loss” section of the store. Losing weight is about honesty, compassion, understanding, and really digging deep to change our life long bad behaviors with food and exercise, and you can't get a price-check on that at your local discount super store.

CJ, Kenz's step dad, drove us to the swamp tour today. It was so cool to see and feel the swamp creatures in their natural habitat. I highly recommend taking the tour if you're ever in the bayou. It was so worth our precious time together. We held live alligators with our bare hands! It was phenomenal in so many ways. I sincerely appreciate CJ taking us there, it was a highlight for sure.

As the day grew old, I knew we were approaching the moment we would have to say goodbye. We shared a mushroom and cheese omelet and some watermelon, and had a wonderful visit with the neighbor across the street. People down on the bayou are so wonderful. They're extremely smart, hard working, and always carry an amazing passion for friends and food. It's heartbreaking to hear about the impact that the oil spill is having on this entire area. Visiting with these incredible folks who are facing unfortunate and tragically dramatic changes to their way of life—and still feeling their kindness and warmth despite it all, really says something powerful about their spirit.

Even staying an extra day wasn't enough. But the time came to make that long drive to Louis Armstrong International Airport, and it was just Kenz and me along for the ride. We exchanged some meaningful items to remember each other by—and we talked about the next opportunity to see each other. We talked extensively about our journeys and where we're headed and what we want. We discovered that we had enough control to enjoy a salty road snack in a responsible way. And then we arrived at the drop-off point. Usually you'll find airport police officers hurrying people along in this area, but not today, not now. I didn't see one. It's as if they understood, we needed a moment. And they graciously allowed us to take the time to say our goodbyes. I watched her drive off and then I turned to the doors of the airport, knowing that I was changed in a very deep way. Too much? Ah, give me this one, ok?

Thank you for reading. This whole transformation road is simply unbelievable---and I'm living it. I must remember to give thanks above every single day. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


I had things to get done back home via telephone this morning---and I found this very nice reminder note from Joan. It was the sweetest thing.


On the porch swing together.


Kenz with her mom and step dad



In black and white---hmmm, I like that.


Kenz holding a real live alligator!


A really big, really old resident of the swampland.


On the boat in the swamp


Alligators love marshmallows. Good calorie value for sure!

Day 638 Goatee Gone, Cool Interview Request, and The Man Behind The Curtain

Day 638

Goatee Gone, Cool Interview Request, and The Man Behind The Curtain

This entire trip has been a wonderful experience! A big thank you to Gayle for filling in on the morning show this week! I'll be back in that KPNC studio chair come Thursday.

Kenz and I had a great workout today at a little trail behind the hospital. We both kept our own pace and listened to iPods---I forgot mine, but Kenz had an extra---it was all good! Afternoon time brought a wonderful lunch together. Kenz prepared some steak fajitas---wow, these were really good, and the picture below doesn't do them justice! Thanks Kenz!

I did it. I shaved off the goatee. It was very nice---and I'll go back and forth I'm sure. It was nice to see the progress in my facial transformation, that may have been slightly hidden before. Personally, I think it makes me look younger---and that's cool. I like it both ways, so I'm fine. It doesn't matter anyway---but I had to say something, simply because I made such a pointless big deal out of it recently---then chickened-out of shaving---today I did it!

We enjoyed dinner at Chili's, before heading to the airport to pick up Kenz's sister and adorable little niece. After dinner, we walked next door to the Marble Slab Creamery and enjoyed ice cream! How can we do this and somehow keep a handle on the calorie budget for me and the WW points budget for Kenz? Simple: Portion control and a little common sense.

My strategy at Chili's was very simple. I ordered water with lemon to start. Kenz is much more disciplined than me in the water department. She must have had 5 or 6 glasses before dinner. It was a wonderful part of her strategy. I ordered the 8 ounce sirloin, regular mashed potatoes--gravy on the side, and a 200 calorie ear of corn. I ditched the bread and enjoyed half the corn. It was a very nice meal, and the table conversation and company was of course---the best part.

Walking into Marble Slab, to me, an admitted food-addict with a special fondness of ice cream...OK--maybe "special fondness" is being too kind. Obsession, that's more accurate. Anyway...walking into this place was daring--but well planned. We didn't have to lose control here, not at all. And we didn't. The strategy was very simple: We ordered kiddie sized cups. Again, portion control wins every time. Well, we win---portion control is our home run hitter!

I was contacted today by a writer for AOL, requesting an interview for their AOL health and fitness website www.thatsfit.com I'm so excited! I was also contacted by another hospital today, requesting a speaking engagement--wow, both in the same day, that's very cool.

I traveled back into the archives and found this from 364 days ago. I usually go back a year, but somehow I jumped ahead a day---hmmm:

I often mention this blog address on my morning radio show. In the beginning I was so reluctant to share because I knew it would mean my listeners who didn't know would “discover” that I was huge! I would feel exposed, revealed, and completely vulnerable. I've always been very “real” on my show, but not about my weight or appearance. Of course some listeners, many in fact, have attended remote broadcast over the years, so they knew exactly what I looked like. But for some reason it was hard for me to say “I started at five hundred and five pounds” live, on the air, in a serious tone.

I didn't want to reveal the man behind the curtain. I've always been able to hide behind the microphone, allowing a personality free of insecurities about my appearance to flourish. Over the years listeners have told me that I seem different in person, well, that's why! You can't see me when I'm on the air. But at 505 pounds, you were actually getting the real Sean on the radio. That was and still is the real me. If we've never met and you haven't found any pictures, then I look like whatever your imagination wants my voice to look like. And I've discovered that our imaginations are always very kind too.

I can't tell you how many people I've met in my twenty year broadcasting career that, upon meeting me face to face, uncontrollably release a look that says wow, you look nothing like I imagined. And I've had some that have just said it out loud, “you look nothing like I pictured!” I understand they were never trying to be hurtful, they were just surprised. I knew that this journey would mean being completely open and honest with not only you, the blog reader, but with the radio listener. After I first revealed my starting weight, I had several listeners call and tell me that they would have never guessed in a million years that I weighed that much. They were very supportive and always kind. As my journey has progressed and the weight has dropped, my on-air personality and my public personality have come together in harmony. What you hear on the air is pretty much what you get in person these days. I now walk with my head held high, sporting a confidence usually reserved only for that studio microphone. It's indisputable evidence that my much slimmer appearance is just one of the changes, I've actually changed in so many more wonderful ways.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


The bayou doesn't mess around when it comes to wildlife. This snake was just hangin' in the yard yesterday.


Thank you Kenz for the wonderful lunch!



These pictures of our Monday night dinner from the lens of Kenz, turned out much better than the pics I snapped and shared. This was an amazing dinner!


This is that low-cal desert I talked about yesterday. Looks amazing, huh? It was, and less than 100 calories---very cool!


On our way to New Orleans this evening---for dinner, Marble Slab, and the airport to pick up Kenz's sister and niece.


Kenz kicking my butt in the water consumption department!


With Joan and C.J.--Kenz's mom and step-dad


My dinner. Kicked the garlic toast to the side, ordered regular mashed instead of loaded, drank water---and enjoyed!


Marble Slab---oh my goodness, it was good. These were actually the same size...one closer to the camera. Kiddie sized was the way to go here--perfect really!

Day 637 Consistency Is The Word and Photos From My Mini-Vacation

Day 637

Consistency Is The Word and Photos From My Mini-Vacation

I'm trying to get a post together here, despite trying to cram in several different activities in a really short time. I've been so prolific in my writing, that the thought of missing a day, even on a mini-vacation, freaks me out. I just can't. But what I can do is share little details from the day---and excerpts from this road, and of course---Pictures!!!

I did something today I've never done---I walked out to a garden, picked a fresh bell pepper, brought it in and sliced it up---then made omelets for Kenz and her step-dad CJ. It was very nice. The green pepper, onion, and cheese omelets were amazing! You might be asking, "what about mushrooms?" Yeah, we ran into Wal-Mart and picked up some mushrooms earlier today. It was great!

Consistency is absolutely imperative along this road. It is the key to everything good here. It makes everything easier in time. Here's an excerpt from June 15th, 2009 on the topic of Consistency:

If I had to pick one word to explain my success so far it would be: Consistency. I was always inconsistent before with every other attempt at weight loss. I would do great two days, then bad for one. Then good for three days and bad for four. Then I would wonder why I wasn't getting results. There was no way I would be honest enough to just admit my inconsistencies. I might even pretend to be dumbfounded to a friend “I have no idea what's happening, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing.” Then I would come up with a few possible reasons “You know I must be retaining fluid,” or “I've been really constipated, I probably just need to go to the bathroom,” or “I'm just cursed with a horrible metabolism.” When I would lie to myself, lying to others was real easy. What made me so inconsistent in the past?

Everything. It didn't take much for me to designate something to be a wonderful excuse. I would even postpone starting because if I looked at the calendar long enough, I could find reasons to wait. “Oh, look at that, Kelli's birthday is coming up, then the Fourth of July, then mom's birthday right after that, there's no way I can start trying to lose weight now.” And I wouldn't dare start a weight loss journey anywhere near Thanksgiving or Christmas. “I don't want to ruin the holidays.” I still don't understand how I would convince myself that me eating responsibly could possibly “ruin” the holidays. “Oh, wow...There he goes again. Every holiday it's the same thing...Do you have to ruin every holiday with your responsible eating habits? You're making the rest of us feel gluttonous!” “Somebody hold him down while I pour gravy down his pie hole, we'll teach him to ruin the holidays with his highfalutin eating habits.”

How silly I was to come up with so many reasons to NOT do this. I never spent too much time thinking about reasons TO do this. In fact, if I scoured every month of the year, I would find the optimal time for me to lose weight would actually be between February 2nd and February 8th. Not really enough time to get it done. Being consistent on this journey means making this attempt different than any other I've ever tried. Consistency means steamrolling every excuse or rationalization that comes along. When you really decide that nothing will stop you, then nothing can. It sounds simple and it can be if you make it that way. It can also be very difficult if you make it that way. So basically, it will be what you decide it will be. I decided it would be simple. It's as simple as answering this question: Is this thought, emotion, circumstance, holiday, birthday, day off from work, or anything else, is it threatening the structural integrity of my journey?

If it's a thought, emotion, or circumstance I just have to remind myself that over eating when I'm dealing with these triggers only compounds my sorrows. And staying on track and focused on doing the right things exercise and food wise will only contribute in a positive way. Actually helping me get to a better place mentally. If it's a holiday, birthday, day off, or any other type of celebration...I enjoy it responsibly. I'll eat cake, I have several times along this journey, I just don't devour four or five pieces like I might have before. I can't count the number of cookouts and family get togethers we've had over the last 274 days, again, a responsible approach---focusing on the people around me and enjoying the atmosphere and not focusing, or in my case obsessing over the food, has worked every time. I still eat, I still enjoy, I'm still happy...even more so because I know I'm being consistent.

“But Sean, things happen, we can't expect to be strong all the time.” Really? I've endured deaths in the family, financial woes, the holidays, birthdays, my 20th wedding anniversary, Halloween, Valentines Day, reconnecting with a father and brother I've never known, and many other things that life can throw my way. None of it stopped me for even a day. Why? How? I'm not special, I don't have super human weight loss powers, but I made a decision to stay on track regardless of the circumstances. I knew that was the only way I would ever get this done for real. I voided all excuses or reasons to not do it this time. Have I deprived myself along the way? No, not in the least. I eat three meals and at least three snacks a day. If it's a special occasion, I plan my calorie budget around the events, and eat what everyone else is eating...maybe not as much as some, but I'll enjoy whatever we're having in a responsible way.

Consistency is the key. Consistent effort equals consistent results. When somebody tells me that I've lost the weight too fast so far, I wonder if they think I'm starving myself? I'm certainly not! I eat, I exercise, I steamroll excuses and rationalizations to be inconsistent, and I lose weight. Wow, I've really gotten off on a tangent here!

We visited Kenz's cousin and her husband (cousin in-law--lol) tonight---where we ate a second dinner--uh, yeah---a second dinner---lighter than the first!! Then we enjoyed a very high calorie desert, followed by a very low calorie desert. Snickers has a mini-ice cream bar version for 90 calories. I gave Kenz a bite and ate the rest---just popped that delicious little thing into my mouth and let it explode with Snickery goodness. The low cal desert was about 100 calories total...Kenz will be putting a picture of this on her blog. Strawberry and whipped cream topped angel food cake---UNBELIEVABLE! We enjoyed these wonderful deserts over a game of Super Scrabble. It was so much fun!! And her cousins are good people, just like everyone I've met on the bayou!

The first dinner was some amazing cooking. Kenz's mom Joan cooked up some shrimp and stuffed crab, me oh my oh---we're havin' fun on the bayou! It was so incredible. She baked the crab, and fried the best shrimp I've ever tasted in my entire life. I had small enough portions---feeling very good about calorie guesstimates on this trip. What a great meal!

Kenz prepared the best low-cal onion rings ever tonight. They're made with Fiber One cereal and they're a featured recipe of www.Hungry-girl.com Kenz baked them---oh yeah!! Very nice!

Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Joan is so sweet. In the kitchen---probably in her way!! But we needed a picture!


Can you imagine? An entire platter of onion rings for less than 130 calories!! Add a little more calories for the ketchup---and you're good! So nice of Kenz to make them for me. I'm a big fan.


Onion Ring-eriffic!!!


Stuffed crab and fried shrimp---Very good---with some white beans and rice, me-oh-my-oh!


After a workout---at the trail behind the hospital.

Day 636 An Extraordinary Sunday and Flying Like A Normal Person

Day 636

An Extraordinary Sunday and Flying Like A Normal Person

Getting up at 7am on a Sunday isn’t normal for me, never has been, but this wouldn’t be a normal Sunday---It was totally necessary and imperative in keeping this day in line. I started out like any other Sunday, aside from the time---cooking breakfast, non-weighted strength training exercises, writing, and drinking coffee. Every single thing had a purpose and a time frame, with one common goal: Get me on a plane to New Orleans this evening at 6:15pm!

I’ve needed a little getaway for months and when the opportunity presented itself yesterday, well---I had to act quickly. What takes me to the bayou? A blogging friend is there. Wait a second---let me explain a little further…

Kenz from www.alltheweigh.com started reading my blog some time ago from her apartment in New York City. I visited her blog too and discovered that we’re both successful weight loss bloggers. We both eventually read each others blogs a little deeper and discovered much more than that common connection.

She enjoyed reading about my trips to Stillwater, my hometown---because that’s where she spent her formative years. When I talk about Charlie’s Chicken or Braum’s---or my experiences anywhere in Stillwater, she relates completely. We attended the same junior high and high school, had the some of the same teachers. And when I posted photos of my little brother Shane---she couldn’t believe it. There he was! The kid she once shared cookies with at lunch while attending Stillwater High School. Kenz was a peer advocate in Shane’s special needs class. Wow---she knew my brother Shane! As the song “It’s a Small World” played in my head, I decided that I had to be friends with this blogger named Kenz.

Kenz felt the same way---and when she decided to fly down to the bayou to visit her mom and step-dad (bringing her much closer than the usual NYC distance), we just knew we had to find a way to get together. So there you go---that’s why I’m flying down to the Gulf, in bayou country, Cajun country---I’ve never been there ever…and I’ll admit, images of the movie Water Boy are flashing through my mind. I love it! Let’s go!

I haven’t been on a jet in years. When I did---it was seat-belt extenders and anxiety about a million different issues. What if it’s a sold out flight? Will the people next to me be miserable? Will I get charged for an extra seat? How bad will the armrest hurt as it digs into my side? Will I fit at all without stealing some of the seat from the person next to me? If I had to use the bathroom, could I get in and out of the tiny closet sized room? I was looking forward to a very different experience this evening.

With the blessing of my daughters and my dear mother, I headed for the airport with an excitement I haven’t felt in years. It’s that, “we’re going someplace we’ve never been” kind of excitement. And as I drove, I realized---this is the same kind of excitement I’m enjoying everyday along this road away from morbid obesity. So many elements of my day to day activities are directly, positively, and permanently changed because of my weight loss success. I feel like I’m going someplace I’ve never been----pretty much everyday. It’s a great way to live, my friend, it really is nice.

When I think about the significance of this evening’s flight---I can’t help but be a little emotional. Both flights were absolutely packed, and the OKC to Dallas flight found me in the middle seat. The middle seat! I would have been so horrified at 505, it wouldn’t have been possible! I had zero issues this evening. None. And instead of searching my soul for the words to describe this wonderful freedom---I’ll just let the pictures speak.

Thank you for reading. Good night and…

Good Choices,
Sean


Tray down, middle seat, between two people---not touching them at all…total comfort…strapped in and feeling so perfectly normal.


Not only did I not need a seatbelt extension---I still had eight or nine inches of spare seatbelt!!!


Inside the tiny little bathroom on the plane. I didn’t really have to go---I just wanted to fit inside…I couldn’t help but smile!!




With Kenz from www.alltheweigh.com Small world, huh?

Day 635 Back To The Future and Two Weddings In One Day

Day 635

Back To The Future and Two Weddings In One day

I slept a little too late this morning. I did. I really needed it, so I'll refrain from talking about how it disrupted my plan of routine. Being flexible along this road is important, as long as it doesn't become a constant excuse for doing less than our best. I believe it's healthy to have just enough flexibility, so that when your schedule doesn't go completely as you planned---you don't spend too much time beating yourself up. All that does is complicate this road. Yes, this is coming from someone who has routinely beat himself up over missed workouts and momentary lapses of judgment and control. But---and this is big, I'm always learning, constantly analyzing where I am and what I've done to get here. I don't know it all, probably never will---But I'm open to learning always, and that's a key element of my success. Admitting that you don't know everything is vital. Because if you already know everything, then you completely cut yourself off from learning. This entire journey is about learning.

I found a fun little excerpt from these writings on June 12th, 2009. One of my favorite movies of all time is Back To The Future. Lessons can be learned from this film that I relate to my transformation. At the heart of these lessons is a very simple truth: Everything we do or don't do, changes the course of our future. The choices we make today can have a very profound effect on the rest of our lives. It's so simple, but still---very profound when you sit and think about what that means, or potentially could mean. This excerpt comes from those thoughts. Travel with me back to June 12th, 2009:

A couple of my friends are having a really tough time lately. Their journey's are young and they're doing fantastic, however they're experiencing critical slumps that threaten their success. Remember in the movie Back To The Future when Marty gave Doc a note warning him of the Libyan terrorist? Marty had witnessed what had happened in 1985, and although Doc didn't want to hear about what happens in the future, he eventually read the note. When the Libyan terrorist showed up to kill Doc Brown in 1985, Doc was ready with a bullet proof vest that saved his life. Since I'm on Day 271 on this journey, I sometimes feel like Marty McFly when I warn of the pitfalls that can hit hard along this road.

I understand the feeling of it all being over. I don't have enough fingers to count the number of my weight loss attempts that seemed so promising before crumbling to pieces along the way. Every now and then a certain mood can hit that really shakes us. Every now and then circumstances become too difficult and the added stress takes us down. Every now and then, for no apparent reason at all, we feel controlled by some kind of evil force that makes us want to binge regardless of how on track we've been. Those feelings and those circumstances, the stressful triggers and completely unexplained feelings of hopelessness can still roll up in their VW Bus even after 271 successful days.

You have to put on your bullet proof vest. I'm warning you of these future situations, I've been there, I know what happens. If you don't protect yourself from the “weight loss terrorist” your weight loss journey will die. Put on the vest! You have to defend your journey with everything you can muster. You have to make one of the most solid decisions you've ever made. You have to decide that there isn't a circumstance, a person, place, or thing, or food and drink that can shake you. Once I decided that I would defend my success with everything I am, it made it so much easier to identify the potentially journey ending situations, circumstances, and emotions that always laid me out before. Life is always full of ups and downs. I knew that if I was waiting for a year or two free of weight loss pitfalls, so I could finally do it, I would never be successful.

Don't let these 'downs' steal this away from you. You've worked way too hard to have it all stop now. Fight for yourself, you're worth it! Don't throw it all away over a slump. Slumps are temporary. Put on the bullet proof vest and survive the assault, then you'll be lifted by the 'ups' that come frequently and often in the nick of time along this wonderful road. You've got to believe you can. You can ya know. Seriously, I know I can, and do you realize how hopelessly lost I was for nearly two decades at 500 pounds plus? I know you can do it too.

I had two weddings to attend today. I haven't been to a wedding in well over a decade, and boom---two in one day. Strange really. I was really looking forward to the events, not only because of the beautiful ceremonies—and the love that surrounds such an incredible day, but also for selfish reasons. I was looking forward to seeing people from my past. I was going to absolutely blow some people's minds! Especially at the first wedding.

I started working with David when he was 13. His dad owned the radio station---and I'll never forget meeting him and his dad the day I was hired. Dave didn't like me at all, but he grew up---and so did I, and now we have a mutual respect for each other that is solid. This kid is an Eagle Scout---I always bring that up---and Dave laughs at me, but it's just one of the elements that have come together to make him an outstanding man.

Most of the people that were around that radio station in the early nineties were in attendance. I kept hearing “I didn't even know it was you.” Yes! I just LOVE the completely unrecognizable “wow” reactions. Word started to spread quickly among old friends and colleagues---and a couple of more people approached me throughout the event with wide eyed amazement at this transformation. I soaked it in---it's situations like this I always dreamed of having. And it's so good. Every now and then, someone will come up and say “Hey Sean, how are you doing?” And I know they haven't laid eyes on me in forever, but they make absolutely zero mention of this transformation---and that used to bother me. But then I started thinking, maybe---yeah, maybe my weight was never an issue or concern to them. They liked me and accepted me completely before this transformation...and now, I'm still the same guy they remember, just smaller. It's not an issue. So now, this kind of reaction is also appreciated.

I didn't stay for the amazing reception—I hung around to try and get a picture with David, but they were busy with the wedding photographer. I waited as long as I could and finally, David's dad John—my old boss, took a picture of me with David and Crystal in the background. It was funny really—totally cool.

I had friends waiting for me at Buffalo Wild Wings, I had to get back there and on to the next wedding. I was hungry and my friends hadn't finished their celebrating by the time I got back, so I ordered some food. I picked the “naked” wings kids meal. It was more food than I wanted, so I shared some of the “buffalo chips,” ate a few, and left half the order on the table. I knew there would be more food available later at the second reception of the day.

The reception was beautiful, out in the country at a long-time co-workers house. The spread was incredible. I enjoyed some roast chicken, cheese and crackers, a few chips and dip, and some tea. It was good and by the time it was over, I was exhausted from the day.

Tomorrow is interesting, very interesting! A friend from my hometown, who now lives very far away—and is a successful weight loss blogger too---is in Louisiana, not that far away! She's invited me down for a couple of days. I requested the days off yesterday and they were granted, made arrangements for my show to be covered, and by Sunday evening---I'll be on my way to New Orleans! I'm thrilled! I've never been there, ever! I'll be blogging from Louisiana and I'll make sure to include pictures! I'm so excited for a variety of reasons---on that list: Flying for the first time since losing weight. I guarantee I will be completely free of any worries on that plane. I will not crowd anyone next to me, I will not need a seat-belt extension, I will not feel the dread and worry about the entire situation---and I will not request to move to a vacant row, so I can have room to move. I'll have plenty of room in a normal seat...thank you very much!

Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Dave and Crystal—they're back there somewhere! Very fun!




At The Wine Bar between weddings. (water for me!)


Tucked. I really don't know if this tucking counts, since I did have the comfort and security of the jacket. It was still a mental battle---even though I completely ignored it's significance in the above post.


My kids meal lunch between weddings. I needed something. Not sure the Buffalo Chips were the best choice, but I had a few anyway---and they were good. I shared with friends and left most of them on the table.

Day 634 I Was Searching--But It Was In Me, Not Them---And I Wasn't Looking There

Day 634

I Was Searching—But It Was In Me, Not Them---And I Wasn't Looking There

I can't fully explain the happiness I'm feeling these days. It goes beyond the physical transformation, diving straight into the heart of everything I do and plan to do. When I would think of weight loss before, and all that I thought it would do for me, I always focused on the smaller clothes and the better health. I had no idea that it would engulf my entire being, releasing a freedom inside that was busting to get out my entire life. A freedom to be confident, a freedom to live by my choices—understanding the consequences, and completely owning them, a freedom to experience life...and the best freedom of all...the freedom to just be me. The real me, the me that was locked up for so long---covered and hidden behind so many issues created by me, because of my morbid obesity.

I was never me before, I was trying so hard to make up for the fact that I was so out of control fat---smiling, laughing, living, working, being a good husband and father---truly a success on so many levels, that's undeniable, but still---not feeling completely genuine to myself. All of that effort to be liked and loved, doing and agreeing with everything—because I wanted to feel acceptance...and then, and then I realized----wow---look what I've done to myself...I was always loved and accepted before now...It wasn't anyone else---it was me that I needed to convince. It was from me that I really longed for love and acceptance. And just being me---is so empowering---I love myself and I'm accepting myself like I've never done before. Living, loving, working, smiling, laughing, accepting, embracing...and doing it as a fairly normal sized man, for the first time in my life, well---yeah...It's the most beautiful and amazing thing.

Today was one of those busy Fridays I've written about so many times. My goal of hitting the mid-day spinning class---uh, no...couldn't happen today, just too much to accomplish at work...the timing wasn't right. And I'm ok with that. Too many times I've depressed myself, made this road a little harder—by simply setting the bar so high---that when I fail to hit that level, I get down on myself. No—finished playing that game now. I know my fitness goals, they're important to me, I'm getting there, but I refuse to kill myself in the pursuit because I had a busy morning.

I prepared a wonderful egg-white omelet this morning with mushrooms and cheese---and the entire thing---I mean three big fluffy egg whites good, melted cheese, big wonderful mushrooms----all of it, was a tiny 141 calories. I grabbed a banana on my way out---and enjoyed one of those all-natural Cliff Bars later in the day—plus another banana. It was so good! I enjoyed Subway for dinner (wow---really, eating out again!)...and it was good. With some low-fat frozen yogurt, an orange, and some late night cottage cheese and crackers---I pushed my calories to 1480 for the day. I was satisfied. And eventually I know---I'll need to up the calories---I probably should be now, and I'm cool with that. I've just become so accustomed to looking for the best calorie value at every turn---figuring out ways to navigate my calorie budget in such a way, that I never feel deprived, ever----even on 1500 a day. I eat ALL THE TIME. I do, and I've figured out how on 1500. Is it the best for my body and metabolism? I can't say 100%, after all---I've said it so many times, I'm NOT an expert. But I feel good, I'm never hungry, and I'm in control. And after being and feeling out of control my entire life---that feels really good to say---and live.

Here's an excerpt from June 11th, 2009:

I never really understood how important my past failed attempts would become. I don't even know if I should call them failed attempts, because they've contributed so much to my success along the way. Those failed attempts are vital to my success. I could never appreciate that value before because I was too busy making excuses or rationalizations to make myself feel better about them. 270 days ago I stopped placing blame for my food addiction on anything or anyone else. When I decided to become 100% responsible for my journey, letting go of every excuse or rationalization, and became completely honest with myself about my horrible food behaviors, that's when “it”clicked. When I stopped being able to blame everything else for my struggles, I suddenly had a clearer vision of what I needed to do and how I would do it. The weight had been lifted, my eyes had been opened, and I was on my way. There's no future in the past, but there are lessons to be learned from experiences we would rather forget. We have arrived at where we are because of the road we've traveled. Salvage the useful information and discard the rest. Then get ready to excel!

I have not one, but two wedding to attend tomorrow. I'm happy to be there---and I know, I'll be running into people I haven't been around in years. Will they know it's me? This could be fun. I'm going to put on some nice clothes and walk confidently through every door.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 633 Weigh Day: 17 Pounds To Goal and "Gaunt," Who? Me? Stop It Already!

Day 633

Weigh Day: 17 Pounds To Goal and “Gaunt,” Who? Me? Stop It Already!

After a little nudging from Texan Girl in yesterday’s comment section, I’ve decided to go ahead and participate in the Oxford Study on personal bloggers. It can’t hurt, maybe I can contribute some real insight to the motivations behind such a commitment. I’ll tell you right now, I’m not sure I’d be 17 pounds away from goal if I hadn’t started this extensive personal study that is The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. This blog has been key to my success in understanding nearly every aspect of my transformation. I certainly don’t know it all---or I wouldn’t have any insecure hang-ups, but I know way more than I ever did before. Enough knowledge has been gained to confidently hit goal and stay thin for the rest of my life.

Yeah, I said 17 pounds to goal!!! Oh, I forgot---I sent the facebook and e-mail weigh day update, but if you’re not one of my facebook friends or on my e-mail list at seanboy105@hotmail.com, then you’re just now finding out! I stepped on the scale and found 247.2 staring back at me. I rounded down to 247 for a very nice 3-pound loss! I’ll take it! It’s amazing how every pound seems to make a noticeable difference these days. I absolutely love it! When I can wash my 38 button fly shrink-to-fit Levis, dry them on HOT, and put them on effortlessly---then yeah, the difference is amazing…and I need to buy new jeans. 36 waist jeans seems so unreal to me, of course 38’s seemed that way at one time. I started at size 64. Now, at 17 pounds to the 230 goal---I’m getting some friends politely telling me that where I am is perfectly fine. Hmmm, well---I appreciate that, I do---But I’ve been looking at 230 since Day 1. And maybe that wasn’t very smart to pick a number like that without anything to base it on, but I did---and I will hit 230. If I need to gain a few pounds, so be it…that would be a cool problem to have, very crazy thought indeed.

Here’s the growing opinion displayed after I posted the weigh day update on facebook:

Chris: Dude! Enough already! LOL You going for birth weight?

Sara: Sean, I'm agreeing with Chris. The last pic on the jetski and last tux picture makes you look a little "gaunt." (Bet you never thought you'd be called that a year ago!) But really...if you had the extra stuff removed, I'll bet you'd be less than 230. And it does NOT show in the picture w/o the over-shirt! So proud of you! You look amazing.

Lisa: Sean, who was it last week that said "Dont you lose another pound?" Wasn't your mom this time. I mean it...don't! Your cheeks will be all sunken in and you will look like you are depriving yourself. Gain that 3 back...lol 250 was perfect:) I'm smiling but I am serious! And get some good sleep, and do something fun that isn't physical for Pete's sake:)

Linda: Sean, people just aren't used to seeing you so slender. You're eating very healthy, and exercising. You're going to where your body is healthiest- it's natural weight. You go! You're doing amazing! You hit that 230 mark & keep it off. You'll live many, many more years than you were going to. You probably are adding 20-30 years to your life, at least. THAT'S A GOOD THING!

I love my friends. Thank you guys! But please understand---I set a goal and have been working toward it for 633 days straight. I must hit that goal, or I fear the psychological effects might disrupt the space-time continuum. I’m kidding, but seriously---I can get there. Perhaps I should post extremely unflattering pictures of the fat still hanging with the loose skin around my mid-section---or a picture for each thigh, with me holding the excess fat. I’d be embarrassed to post pictures like that, I just couldn’t---but trust me, 17 more pounds can afford to go. And “gaunt,” Sara---really? Well, I never! That one really made me smile. I like the definition of my facial features---after having such a giant fat face for so long---it’s so very cool to only have one chin!

In my daily time travels---I made it back to June 10th, 2009. Here’s an excerpt from exactly one year ago today:

The wonderful comments and e-mails I received about yesterday's blog were extremely appreciated. You know, I often start the day by reading what I've written the night before. And many times I have a much clearer perspective of the situation after reading. It helped to have so many comments and e-mails giving support, thank you. I cringed at the dramatics in some of my sentences. I'm not a fan of dramatics. I try to maintain a level head at all times, always trying to be cool and collected, but I couldn't help expressing myself in a semi-dramatic tone last night. I needed the therapy writing provided. And I honestly thought about not dealing with it, I mean I didn't break my calorie budget, but I felt like I broke off a piece of my will, and with that I knew I had to be honest about my behavior and share what I was feeling.

A couple of comments mentioned something to the effect of “maybe there's pressure to be perfect...” There isn't, trust me. For one, if you've read this entire blog, you know already that I'm far from perfection, and I'm not after perfection. Trying to be absolutely perfect on a mission like this is a sure fire recipe for disappointment. My goal is to be consistent in my efforts and I've accomplished that successfully so far and I'll continue to be consistent. The mental changes I've experienced are permanent changes and those changes are exactly why I immediately recognized the breakdown last night. As Val put it in her comment... "A year or two ago, that same choice would not have even registered." Very, very true! In fact a year or two ago I would have made it a game where the girls took turns throwing tater tots at my open mouth from across the table. If you think that's a stretch, just ask the girls one of these days; we've done that before! It certainly wasn't as big a deal as I thought it was. I was just scared when I caught myself having those old thoughts and behaviors. I do take pride in my consistency and the example I'm setting for my family and friends. So if I do something I'm not proud of it really gets to me. Today was a new day and I'm stronger from the experience of yesterday. I feel good, real good.

I was invited to dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant tonight. I’ve been out to eat way too much lately, I mean---way too much! But when I do go out, I make sure to understand my strategy before dining. I feel like I can navigate any restaurant, anytime---give me a menu, and I’ll show you exactly the best calorie value, I swear. My Italian restaurant plan was simple---and similar to my Mexican restaurant plan. I always start with water and lemons, I limit my bread (one roll tonight), and I order pasta with a red tomato based sauce---instead of a white cheese or cream based sauce. And I'm honest about the portion size. I eat, I enjoy, and I win!

If I said I had a great workout tonight, I’d be completely lying to you and myself. It was a workout, a hurried two miles in the heat, a walk/jog…but it wasn’t anything inspiring. Maybe a little pathetic. OK—I’m being way to hard on myself with that statement. It wasn’t my best and I know it. There, that’s better. What happened? Well---what happened has happened several times along this road. I take a short nap that turns a little longer, and then I’m rushed to get back and clean up before my evening plans. It’s nauseating to write sometimes, like a broken record---But really---I’m lucky, and I should give thanks that I’m able to be so active, and I do. I just need to get out there and really push myself a little more.

It was a fantastic day really---great weigh-in at the doctor’s office, wonderful dinner, good friends, and great times. A very different existence than my 505 days, for sure!

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean


My regular weigh-day doctors visit! Can you believe how far we’ve come? So excited!!


The question: Could I get in and out of this place under 500 calories? Yes! And you know what? I was completely satisfied. I enjoyed a roll, my spaghetti marinara, and water with lemon. I picked the smallest roll in the basket---oh my, it was so good.

Day 632 Being Personal Was The Only Way For Me and Not Immune To The Occasional Tough Day

Day 632

Being Personal Was The Only Way For Me and Not Immune To The Occasional Tough Day

Finally—a good morning, back in the routine—feeling good about everything, and looking forward to many wonderful days ahead! This chipper little attitude makes this entire journey a whole bunch easier. Attitude is everything, right? Absolutely!

I started with the non-weighted strength training exercises, hit the coffee pot, cooked a very nice low calorie egg white-mushroom-mozzarella omelet and sat down at the computer. Hmmmm…Oxford University is requesting that I take part in a study about bloggers who get really personal in their writing. I actually received this last week…just now really checking it out. If you’re a blogger, did you get this too? Are you taking part in the study? I’m not sure I’ll participate. It is a prestigious university, but seriously---my reasons for being so personal are based in what I had to do to get to the bottom of my morbid obesity. I don’t do it because I’m an “inappropriate talker,” I'm actually not. I do it because...

I had to understand myself better. I had to dig deep and uncover the many brutally honest layers of past attempts. I wanted to know why I always failed at losing weight in the past, and in the process, I thought, maybe I could learn more about myself---and unlock the mystery once and for all. Escaping obesity for me, meant writing from the heart every single day---treating this blog like the most private and personal diary it is---but putting it out there as a way to keep me accountable. This self-exploration has worked very well and it’s given me unexpected blessings, like the many people who tell me that I inspire them.

Me? Really? It still seems like such a foreign idea. I often think Oh boy---if they only knew me two years ago as a mess of a 500 pound man---with zero control and an excuse for every turn---yeah, if they only knew. And then I think---Hey, they do know…they’ve looked at the pictures, how could they not? Maybe it comforts someone to know, that even when you’re feeling completely hopeless and out of control, there is hope and you can do it. Control is yours for the taking. Because if I can turn this ship around, so can you. Seriously, you can.

Christine inquired about Nathaniel, my friend from the casino who is just starting out. I haven’t heard from him since Saturday night late, when he left this comment:

Hey Sean, It's been a while since I've blogged, and WOW, a T-Bucket, now that is a real accomplishment. I have had the luck owning a few 1950's trucks in my day. I wanted to fix them up, but there was NO WAY that I could fit in them. I've since gotten rid of them.Since I've seen the pics of you in the Corvette, and now a T-Bucket. I'm fully confident that I will for sure be driving my Trans AM again in a couple years. I can only hope that my body transformation goes as good as yours has, because you look awesome. Well I'm gearing up for the big Weigh In on the 7th. I wish every body luck on this, our life changing adventures. See you all at the finish line.

By “blogged,” I’m sure he means commenting. If you’re reading this Nathaniel---and you do have a blog, please let us know! I know many people who would love to offer you support. And you WILL be driving that Trans Am in less than two years! Consistency and self-honesty are two of the most important elements along this road. Without them, it’s a constant struggle. With them---this road can become a joyous celebration everyday! I’m not saying it’s always simple and easy. I have my rough days every now and again, in fact---one year ago today I was having a bad day. Here’s an excerpt from June 9th, 2009:

Today has been a really tough day for some reason. Wow, listen to me “for some reason,” it certainly couldn't be my own doing could it? OK, I'm not going to pretend that I don't know why. Isn't that a wonderful way to make ourselves feel better though? Just pretend that we don't know why it was a tough day. If you get super honest with yourself, like I have, then you realize that often the choices we make determine the outcome of our day. I can make good choices on food all day long (most days—continue reading), but it seems I have a real problem making good choices when it comes to my sleep and exercise schedule. And when the sleep schedule is all messed up, it makes everything else more difficult than it needs to be. I've had problems today with urges to cut loose on a platter of tater tots, I missed my workout, opting to nap instead, and then ended up sleeping way longer than I should have. I have to remember the law of consequences.

Everything we do has a consequence, good or bad, and we're the ones that decide. I've come way too far to feel this way. I know that I'm not perfect, but today has just been a mess of emotions stirred by tiredness that has shaken my solid foundation. Maybe I've become too confident. I've been walking along this road with such a confident swagger, perhaps I needed to be reminded of my vulnerabilities. I needed to be brought down a notch or two, just enough to refresh me on the fundamentals that have made this a successful journey so far. Keeping some semblance of a normal schedule is part of that. The easy way out when it comes to food, is to eat whatever and how much ever. The easy way out when it comes to exercise is to just not do it. The easy way out of keeping the schedule on track is to just go sleep regardless of the time or how bad it will mess up the groove. Gravitating to the line of least resistance isn't something I can afford.

The smartest thing for me to do after dinner would have been workout followed by writing. Instead I decided on a little refresher nap. Only one problem, I don't know how to take refresher naps. It's all or nothing with me when it comes to sleep. The sad thing is, I really wasn't that tired. I was doing it in the name of “relaxing.” And relaxing is a good thing, but only when everything else is done, affording you the luxury. I couldn't afford it tonight.

My workday turned very busy, keeping me at the studio until 5pm. I couldn’t believe it, but I had to miss spinning. I didn’t want to miss, but I couldn’t get there in time---I decided instead, to ride to the trail—then walk/jog a 5K. Only one problem…

My front tire was flat. Hmmm. But it wasn’t flat last night, so now I’m wondering what happened. Big Clyde or anyone---What makes a bicycle tire go flat for no apparent obvious reason? I decided to drive---and when I arrived, I grabbed my iPod, made a good playlist, and started hoofing. I power walked mostly. Maybe someday, I’ll stop talking about and actually conquer the C25K program. Uh, yeah---I will! I certainly wouldn’t bet against me!!

I enjoyed dinner out with just Amber. No boyfriend, just the two of us. I was having a real craving for fresh guacamole—so I had some. It was good, about 350 calories worth good. But it was so worth it! Even better was my communication with Amber. We have some amazing conversations about everything and anything. We talked about our changed family dynamic, school, her summer job, future plans, and her personal struggle with weight loss. I’m so proud of Amber. She has a clarity and maturity I didn’t even realize existed at age 20. Despite her challenges and struggles, I’m fully confident---she’s going to make it, she really is going to make it. And that makes me happier than anything else in the world.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 631 Her Words With Action Stirred Me and Insecurities Will Fall

Day 631

Her Words With Action Stirred Me and Insecurities Will Fall

Yesterday was rushed, today I was sick…hmmmm, this week isn’t starting out so well. I woke up this morning with stomach trouble. Could something I consumed have caused this? It’s so rare that I have any kind of stomach related discomfort these days. So I was a little taken aback. In my 505-pound days, stomach trouble was expected on a regular basis, and every now and then I’d have a severe stomach ulcer attack. I haven’t had one of those in over 631 days. Once again, I called for back-up---did what I needed to do to feel better, and made my way to the studio with some fruit and water. My omelet would have to wait until lunchtime.

I’m working on my body-image issues. Today, I put on jeans and a new band t-shirt given to me recently. No over-shirt. I will still occasionally wear an over-shirt, because I like the button down with collar---and like my blogging friend Fitcetera pointed out, after seeing my pics from Saturday---Kelly Johnson was wearing an over-shirt as I interviewed him, and I’m pretty sure he’s never had a weight issue in his life. It’s a fashion thing. But really---we all know it’s a very convenient way for me to hide, protecting some very real body-image issues.

I looked fine in just the t-shirt, that’s what I kept telling myself, and it was the truth…I did look fine. I can’t explain these issues, because they just don’t make sense---but they’re very real and sometimes crippling---forcing me to avoid dealing with them by just giving in and covering up. I know the only way to really nudge my brain along, is to face these issues head on. The over-shirt is just one facet. How about wearing jeans, shoes, and shirt on the jet-ski the other day? My surface excuse was simple and true: I don’t have any “lake clothes.” But really, you know how cheap bathing suits are at Wal-Mart? That’s really not a good excuse. The deeper truth is centered in my body-image hang-ups. I can count the days I’ve worn shorts in public, as an adult, on one hand.

I read a friends blog post that seriously helped me make a dent in this crazy mental game. Kenz at http://alltheweigh2009.blogspot.com shared this in her latest post:

It isn't easy to walk around in my swimsuit all day even when I'm surrounded by people who like me. But I did it last summer, and I'm going to do it again this summer because life is not going to wait for me until I feel perfect or until I reach my goal weight.

We get one life - one opportunity to make it mean something. And I want mine to be full. I don't want to look back ten years from now only to realize that I should have enjoyed it sooner. Instead, I choose to enjoy it here and now. I'm ready to fly...

She was facing down her insecurities by wearing the bathing suit proudly and posting pictures. I replied to her post with the following:

First of all, you're beautiful. Second: A very real and nice contrast in the flip pictures. And third: You inspire me.

My body issues have plagued my brain with crippling insecurities from a very early age. Even now, after losing what I've lost--my brain still battles those same insecurities. Why else would I recently enjoy the freedom of a jet-ski skimming across the water, something I could never do at 505 pounds, while fully dressed in a shirt, jeans, shoes, and socks...Still imprisoned by those very powerful body images, obviously.

But I read your words, and they chip away at these rock solid insecurities---When you said "It isn't easy to walk around in my swimsuit all day even when I'm surrounded by people who like me." Something clicked in me. When I'm out there and feeling these irrational thoughts--I need to remind myself that I'm surrounded by friends who like me, no matter what. These are people who liked 505 pound Sean too, these are not the cold and careless, deliberately hurtful people from my past.

I'm not saying that I'm completely cured--but reading your words here---and fully appreciating your attitude, has created a sincere desire to start chipping away at this boulder of insecurity. You empower me. Thank you so very much---I can't even explain the depth of that thank you...

You never know what you’ll read and how it will dramatically influence you. I wasn’t expecting that when I started reading her post, it just struck me in a very profound way.

I absolutely love the weight loss blogging community!

Yesterday I included an excerpt talking about a young man who had been given some strict “eat this-not that” advice. In reading the post from a year ago today, I found a follow up excerpt:

Without spending too many more words on the subject, I wanted to clarify a couple of things from last night's blog. I didn't mean any disrespect to the people offering the young man food advice. In fact, their food recommendations were top notch stuff for anyone wanting to get into optimal shape. The two offering the advice certainly practice what they preach in their own lives. The compassion and sincerity in their offerings was obvious. They're good people, I'm sure. I just wanted to explain my concern from the lifelong morbidly obese perspective. I've made it a point to better understand the psychological side of losing weight, and although I don't know everything, I know enough to recognize the weak points in a plan right away, as it applies to someone like me. I smiled from ear to ear when the young man left a comment on last night's blog letting me know he did read the post and appreciated what I said. If you want to read his response, just scroll down and click on “comments” at the bottom of Day 266. He's got his head on straight, he's doing this, he's escaping just like me. I'm very happy for him and I look forward to witnessing his inspiring success!

That young man, about whom I spoke, at the time--was just starting out. He’s now lost 168 pounds. His name? Stephen Vinson in Birmingham, Alabama. You can find his blog at http://www.whoatemyblog.com Congratulations Stephen! I’m so happy for you!

I rode my bike tonight over five miles. It was incredible! I absolutely love riding outside, the wind in my hair—the scenery, it all adds up to beautiful. It may not be as structured and consistent as other workouts in my arsenal, but it’s easily the most fun.

I enjoyed a mushroom and cheese omelet for lunch. Dinner was a crispy shell chicken taco and a crispy shell beef taco, with a serving of chips and salsa from El Patio, one of my favorite Mexican restaurants.

I’m feeling good, confident really—and I’m starting to realize the importance of just being me and letting go of these body image hang-ups. These insecurities will fall. I refuse to be imprisoned by false images and incorrect assumptions of what people will think of me. It’s completely nuts after all of this success.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean