Friday, June 30, 2017

June 30th, 2017 Spent

June 30th, 2017 Spent

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with good support.

Weather coverage last night translated to very little sleep. A fifteen hour day today has left me completely spent. The good news is, lots of rest in the coming days including some time off!

Thank you for stopping by!

Goodnight.

Today's Accountability Tweets:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, June 29, 2017

June 29th, 2017 Long Night

June 29th, 2017 Long Night

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with excellent support.

Tweets only after a long night!

Today's Accountability Tweets:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, June 28, 2017

June 28th, 2017 When We Do

June 28th, 2017 When We Do

My goal of getting Episode 16 of Transformation Planet featuring the groundbreaking processed food addiction study of Joan Ifland Ph.D isn't happening tonight. This weekend seems like a reasonable release time for that one. I think you'll dig it! Sometimes, I set myself up by over promising and under-delivering. Flipping that around, managing personal expectations, and being kind and reasonable to myself, is often a big challenge. Because I want to do it all! But all in time.

If I've learned one thing over the last almost nine years, it's how things don't happen because we wish or want. They only happen when we do. And doing takes a reasonable/doable plan of action.

I've had a long day, but a great day--wholesome, really. I had lots of support interactions and those always engage and raise my personal awareness of my own plan to the highest--isn't that cool how that works? The next time you're hesitant to reach out for support, remember--it helps you and it truly helps the one receiving your reach. It's a win-win.

I visited with mom this evening before getting in a good workout at the YMCA. I jammed all the way through my workout and that always makes it fun. If you ever witness me in full elliptical dance mode with a full jam in my head, you'll likely be convinced of my insanity. Make it fun, I say!

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I rocked the elliptical hard, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support exchanges.

Today's Accountability Tweets:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, June 27, 2017

June 27th, 2017 Anything Less

June 27th, 2017 Anything Less

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with good support.

Today really started last night with weather coverage at the studio. It's part of my job and I'm compensated for that extra work, so I'm not complaining, but it does affect the next day, without doubt. I overslept this morning--never a good thing for any job, and especially in broadcasting!

I left the studio after working a little later this afternoon, headed to the store and then home for a quick, very short nap, before tonight's group calls. I prepared, cooked, and finished dinner just before 9pm, then made a trip to mom's for a fast visit. 

And now--thankfully, no chance of severe weather tonight--and I'm ready to hit the pillow. I'm grateful. It was a solid day. Busy day--yes, rushed start--oh my, yes...but a day with several built-in moments of reflection and gratitude. I've noticed I do better work when I'm in this mindset.

Mindful eating is a hot topic these days. Just a few thoughts...

To me, it starts with defining what "mindful eating" means to me. And I think the definition is unique for each of us. Mine means being mindful of my personal triggers, mindful of my portions, and mindful of my planning and preparing- and lastly, mindful while eating, from when and where, to slowing down and actually enjoying it, instead of inhaling it. 

If I'm not being mindful with my food, I'm being mindless. 

And that takes me to extreme morbid obesity. Been there! 

The biggest thing for me was accepting and then embracing what I require for stability with my food plan. I'll never be one who can just casually eat "like a normal person." 

"My normal" is what I must do each day to maintain my plan. After decades of using food in unhealthy ways, my brain isn't wired to handle anything less than a structured plan. And if that's true, then it was/is up to me (with help from those who've gone before me) to develop a plan I could/can rally behind- enjoy, and embrace each day- instead of struggling, rejecting, rebelling, and resenting. And those feelings/emotions/things, in my opinion, are normal, common, and part of the natural process. These things simply mean I must continue to develop it until it fits nicely for me and my unique self. 

Today's Accountability Tweets:
Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, June 26, 2017

June 26th, 2017 Fast One

June 26th, 2017 Fast One

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, and I stayed well connected with good support.

Weather coverage kept me up-- and just now headed to bed. Didn't do well with water today. Coffee at the studio became my last "food" of day.

Fast one tonight!

Today's Accountability Tweets:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, June 25, 2017

June 25th, 2017 Get More

June 25th, 2017 Get More

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my water goal, and I stayed connected with good support.

I picked up mom this afternoon and she joined me while I worked for a little while at the studio, then we enjoyed dinner out and conversation.

I've rested today and I'm about to get more.

Thank you to everyone who provided wonderful words of advice and encouragement after last night's post. That struggle I wrote about rears its head after each time I perform.

I'm determined to start the week well rested. I'm hitting the pillow relatively early! Goodnight.

Today's Accountability Tweets:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, June 24, 2017

June 24th, 2017 All Of That And More

June 24th, 2017 All Of That And More

I love doing standup. It brings me tremendous joy. It simply makes my heart happy. Tonight's show was a wonderful experience. I invited a few very talented friends to perform and we gave 'em an hour and a half show full of laughs from start to finish.

The difference between my "stand-up days" and now is remarkable to me because I felt so limited back then, and now, I'm not. I'm free to write material more in line with who I am, rather than what I thought I had to be in those 500 pound days. I'll be honest--when a show goes well like it did tonight, I can't help but wonder how standup in LA would be different for me at this healthy body weight. I had so much success despite my 500-pound weight--I was a paid regular at the Hollywood Improv, the Kimmel Show stuff and getting coveted bookings all over Southern California--all of it at 500 pounds--So what about now? Part of my brain says--all of that and more!! The more reasonable and realistic side of my brain says, slow down buddy-- do it for fun and joy, and be content with what you have, today--which isn't a bad thing. Is it smart to simply move on since I'm no longer 31 years old, like I was back then? That's a tough "yes" and deep in my heart, I know it's for the best. But man, I love standup.

 Looking back with twinges of regret isn't a productive frame of mind. But I do it sometimes--just being real. In that counterproductive groove, my mind focuses on what if I would have started along this transformation road ten years earlier than I did? There's nothing positive in that thought process. I didn't and I've got to be okay with me on this issue.

Today is today--and I'm truly grateful for where I am and the road I've been on. Although, I think looking back and imagining a different trajectory is a fairly normal thing to do...I also think I need to check my gratitude list a little more often.

 Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with great support.

Hitting the pillow after a wonderful on-plan day. It was a day where I thoroughly massaged core elements of me--and that always feels great.

Today's Accountability Tweets:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, June 23, 2017

June 23rd, 2017 Works Out Well

June 23rd, 2017 Works Out Well

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I had a good stair climbing cardio session tonight, and I stayed connected with solid support. It was a good day!

I'm spending time tonight pouring over my stand-up material and organizing my thoughts for tomorrow evening's stand-up show. I'm looking forward to working out some stuff in front of an audience. This show is just for fun, so I'm trying to remind myself to simply do fun...and when I do that, it always works out well.

I'll have plenty of time this weekend to rest. No alarm in the morning!!

Today's Accountability Tweets:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, June 22, 2017

June 22, 2017 Good Problem

June 22, 2017 Good Problem

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with good support.

I picked up some refined sugar-free almond/cashew butter tonight. It isn't as appealing to me as the crunchy all-natural peanut butter. I eliminated the peanut butter from my food plan. This is similar, but different enough, it might be okay. Same boundaries--every gram weighed and no spoon licking!! It'll certainly provide a nice calorie boost when the budget is lower. It'll be used sparingly. That stuff is made of gold, apparently. 

At the risk of sounding annoying to some, I eat well enough--I'm just not hungry between meals. Some of my meals are likely too big. And still, getting enough calories is difficult some days. That's the challenge for me in maintenance mode. It's a very "good problem." But--coming from where I've been, it's something to seriously consider because some go the other way and start eating too little on purpose. I can't imagine doing that. I often find myself eating the last food of day--not because I'm hungry; because I'm trying to hit budget, and anyway-- maybe I need to shut it off tonight and revisit this tomorrow. I need sleep.

Goodnight!

Today's Accountability Tweets:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, June 21, 2017

June 21st, 2017 Better

June 21st, 2017 Better

When you're sick, you're sick. But when the day's responsibilities are big enough, it challenges to assess the situation, try to pull it together and make it through. I wasn't running a fever this morning-that would have been a deal breaker, but I was still not well. The schedule was a big one and although backup was ready, if I could make it through, then I needed to at least give it a go. I ended up making it through except the last two hours when a colleague was kind enough to step in and relieve me.

I came home, enjoyed a lunch I ordered and picked up on the way home and got some more rest. It was needed. I felt remarkably better this evening. Although, I didn't push it. I canceled my planned visit with mom and workout plans, opting to stay put. It was a good move.

My food schedule was a tad tilted today--and I didn't feel much like eating my breakfast and lunch, but I did--and kept it down...and by the time dinner rolled around, I was feeling energetic. I Tweeted a little more detail of the dinner prep, and that was fun.

I also enjoyed a couple of support exchanges this evening and had a nice call with my closest mentor and advisor. One of the things we discussed as far as my food is concerned was my removal of natural peanut butter from my food list. I may be reintroducing some kind of natural refined sugar-free nut butter soon in order to have something calorie dense to help on days when the budget is running low. I did keep my calories up much better than yesterday. Yesterday's more than 1,000 calories short was a little much. But I was sick. Still, I'll admit, there's been a trend toward running under budget...100, 200, even 400 under. I'm looking at that closely and developing ideas to restore a consistent balance.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with great support.

Today's Accountability Tweets:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, June 20, 2017

June 20th, 2017 Sick Day

June 20th, 2017 Sick Day

I woke up not feeling well. For whatever reason, the cruddiness started last night and made it difficult to rest and of course, that magnified it this morning. I took a sick day from work, opting for more rest, confident it would help. It didn't really help too much. I've slept a lot today. I haven't felt like eating and consequently, I'm just over a thousand calories under budget. Actually, a little more, because I just couldn't eat all of the dinner. I'm headed back to bed now. I can miss work tomorrow only if I wake with extreme circumstances in the morning. If I can get more rest tonight, feel better and pull it together, I need to be at work tomorrow. I'm scheduled for my morning show followed by three back to back broadcasts in celebration of summer solstice. I need to be well, quickly!! I'm taking Nyquil caplets (the liquid contains refined sugar), and dropping. But before I forget...

Today: Ugh--this isn't the best "today" declaration. Let's see-- I did maintain the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, if by "maintain" we agree it means "didn't exceed." I was severely under budget today for reasons mentioned above. Happens. It's fine. I was a little short on my water goal-mainly because I've slept so much and haven't had my regular rhythm. I did stay connected with a couple different support friends.

Oh--and one more thing...

Thanks, Facebook Memories. The following paragraph was written three years ago. It was two months into my turnaround from relapse/regain. Coming out of that nightmare was a very difficult period. I didn't do it alone. I wasn't capable on my own. When the slide turns into a chaotic decline of what feels like hopelessness, shame, and desperation, putting on the brakes, slowing down--listening to others, and just being okay, is super tough stuff. One day at a time and what's the next right decision/choice? And should I call someone to confirm? Because, in the fog, my brain doesn't make or even understand the next best choice. I may not write or talk about it much, but three years later these decisions are still being made on a typical day.

Today will be good, I've decided. I will exercise, I've decided. I will maintain the integrity of my calorie budget, I've decided. I will reach out in support of others, I've decided. I will not forget the importance of my spirituality, I've decided. I will take today and make it my main focus, with a small amount of time reserved for positive visualizations of where I'm headed, I've decided. I will practice compassion for myself where my first instinct is to be harsh and unforgiving, I've decided. I will do the best I can, today, because I'm worth the effort, I've decided. At some point today, I will purposely and silently compliment myself for talents and strengths I largely take for granted, I've decided. I will pause to reflect with a sense of pure gratitude, often, I've decided. Come what may, today will be a great day, I've decided.

 The structure of what I do each day might not be understood by everybody, and that's okay. I'm the only one that needs to understand and appreciate why I meticulously weigh and measure my food at home and work, log it all, snap the accountability pic and tweet it to the universe. After being fully consumed in the darkness for so long, these things help keep me in the light. And that keeps me well. And when I'm well, I get to enjoy life at a healthy body weight.

Today's Accountability Tweets:


















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, June 19, 2017

June 19th, 2017 From Within

June 19th, 2017 From Within

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I had a good workout at the YMCA, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

It was a solid kind of day. I was productive at work, I prepared some very satisfying meals, I had some fantastic support connections--including the week 1 Monday night conference call of the support group I co-facilitate--and a short visit with mom on my way to the Y for a good workout.

The week 1 Tuesday night early and late group conference calls are set for tomorrow night, which means you still have time to sign up! If you're interested in discovering the difference engaging with others "in the same lifeboat" within a private accountability and support group can make, send me an email for details. I'll get it back to you quickly and we'll get you on the team starting with tomorrow night's week 1 group calls! transformation.road@gmail.com

Oh-- and this is happening Saturday night! I'm very excited! Ground Round is literally a block and a half from my apartment. I'm hoping to make this a monthly or at the very least, a bi-monthly show.
photo IMG_4999_zpsqx4fgxmr.jpg
Because doing things that bring you joy is important! They say, "happiness comes from within," and this is one of those things for me.

Today's Accountability Tweets:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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