Thursday, June 30, 2016

June 30th, 2016 ThrowBack Thursday

June 30th, 2016 ThrowBack Thursday

I'm looking forward to tomorrow night when I'll have more time to write.

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**ThrowBack Thursday** This photo was the very first "before" picture I shared on this blog, years ago.
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Recent speaking engagement photo. Big difference!

I'm dropping in bed earlier than last night--and that's a wonderful thing. I'm hitting the pillow having maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I've remained abstinent from refined sugar, I participated in support exchanges and I've met my daily water goal.

Long day--but it's done and was done well.

I'll be donating blood while on the air tomorrow at a big annual blood drive. The All-American Fish Fry Blood Drive with the Oklahoma Blood Institute includes a fried catfish meal. I'm planning on having a measured amount! I'm really looking forward to donating blood. It's been too long since my last donation. Every time I donate, I remember the days of being turned away because of raging high blood pressure within my 500-pound body. It feels so good to be at a healthy weight with normal blood pressure. My goodness, I'm blessed and grateful.

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, June 29, 2016

June 29th, 2016 Tweets Only

June 29th, 2016 Tweets Only

Tweets only, at the end of a very long day.

I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I engaged in excellent support communications and I exceeded my water goal.

Dropping in bed!

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, June 28, 2016

June 28th, 2016 For The Good Of It All

June 28th, 2016 For The Good Of It All

I remember how dark it was a few years ago. The darkness wasn't just because I was steadily regaining and feeling completely out of control. It was dark because the more I gained, the more I lost the grip on my hopes, dreams, and plans for better days.

What happened during that time?

I was over-confident. In this confidence, I was vulnerable. When life took some curves, I wasn't ready to lean into the curves. I had declined a safety net. I had too much pride and ego, too much "I got this down." Too much. And at the same time...

I was willfully and intentionally disconnected from support. I was willfully and intentionally disconnected from accountability. 

I had so much more to learn.

Totally disconnecting from everything was the only way I could fall hard enough--and be humbled enough, to see what I needed to fully appreciate.

Of course, that's in hindsight. In the middle of it all, I wasn't grateful.

I was fearful, terrified, hurt, sad, disappointed, and full of shame, guilt, and embarrassment.

Letting all that negative stuff go and mining the fall for the good of it all, was challenging.

I'm monumentally grateful for the opportunity to learn and do it differently.

I'm grateful for the second, third and eighth chances I've been given. Some don't get as many. I'm blessed.

If you ever question why I do what I do each day: The weighing and measuring, the logging, the pictures, the tweets, the support connections, and writing this blog every day, without fail.

I do it because I need the daily guidance. There's an illusion that makes it seem like I'm some kind of weight loss and maintenance machine. That illusion suggests that I must have it all figured out.

I'm certainly not a machine and I don't have it all figured out.

The things I do each day are like rails of support guiding me through each day.

The learning never stops. The growing never stops. If these things ever come to a stop, again, that's when the darkness comes. But I don't live in fear of the darkness. I live embracing the light. I live with an open mind. I live in a grateful state.

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. And I stayed connected with support.

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, June 27, 2016

June 27th, 2016 At The Very Least

June 27th, 2016 At The Very Least

I found a way to tilt my schedule today. I'm not sure how, but I did--and here it is, way too late for me.

I'm making this a "Tweets Only."

But at the very least--each and every day, one of my primary goals is to hit the pillow knowing, for certain, that...

I maintained the integrity of my weight maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I met my water goal and I remained connected in active support communications.

I achieved that primary goal.

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, June 26, 2016

June 26th, 2016 No Exaggeration

June 26th, 2016 No Exaggeration

Today was my Aunt Kelli's birthday and her 4th wedding anniversary with Tim. We all gathered at a buffet style restaurant to celebrate the occasion.
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Pictures with Mom, Kelli, Tim and my uncle Keith.

I finished brunch less than two hours before this get-together. I opted to simply order a water and enjoy the visit. Everyone in the family knows what I do and how I do it-- and they know me well enough to know, if I choose to visit only, without eating--there's a reason and it isn't a big deal. It was a great visit--and that was the point of the trip in the first place. Had I not slept in so well, I would have eaten breakfast at an early enough time, allowing for a meal at the restaurant. But I didn't get up early enough--and I didn't want to wait too long before eating. I believe I handled the situation well.

I love it how my family doesn't take it personal when I decline food or have chosen something else for my food plan on a particular day. They automatically know it isn't personal and it doesn't take away from the most important elements of our time together.

No longer in the food fog, I'm able to truly enjoy moments with family at gatherings like this with a deeper appreciation for their time. During my 500 pound days, the food was the main focus--the main event--the reason we were going to whatever restaurant...oh yeah--bring it on... family and friends? Oh, sure--they'll be there, too---but did you see the hot rolls and cookies?? And I think they just put out some fresh fried chicken--watch out, do you want some? I wish that dramatization was an exaggeration. It really isn't. Oh hey--there's so and so--haven't seen them in ten years--wow... Hey, is that mac and cheese over there---jackpot!!! Seriously, no exaggeration.

I couldn't stay in Stillwater long. I drove through a big thunderstorm to get back in town and to the studio for on-air severe weather coverage. The threat passed and I was free to hit the gym for a good workout. I made a store run--then home to prepare dinner.

I sincerely appreciate all the positive feedback on yesterday's "The Click Is Created" post. Living "in our click" each day--one day at a time, nurturing it--protecting it, is what keeps it clicking. One thing I didn't mention in yesterday's post is how, just as we live "in the click" we create, we also have the ability to step out of the click if we choose. I stepped out of mine once and re-gained 164 pounds. This further supports the "click is created" philosophy--it can also be ignored, refused--denied. The click isn't a single happening where suddenly everything is crystal clear. The click is a product of the daily practices we make important.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. I participated in support communications. And I worked out at the gym with a solid level 20-30 min elliptical session.

I'm blessed. I'm grateful.  

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, June 25, 2016

June 25th, 2016 The Click Is Created

June 25th, 2016 The Click Is Created

It's a question I get quite often: "What finally made it click for you?"

Awe yes, the magical "click," the imaginary boundary between chaos and order. I waited for the "click" to rescue me. I fully expected it to roll in like a tidal wave and completely carry me all the way through. But that didn't happen. The click--the magic moment of inspired action with monumentally positive consequences, where everything is seemingly figured out all at once as if every challenge and every mental hurdle simply melted away, along with the pounds...didn't really happen the way I imagined and dreamed it would.

I waited and waited for the click to save me. I almost waited too long. Throughout the nearly two decades I spent near, at or above 500 pounds, I used the expectation of this mythical click as an enabling thought. I was certain, someday "it would click" for me. Until then--I'd just continue to do whatever supported the behaviors keeping me a 500-pound man. This someday it'll click way of thinking was perfect because it released me from taking responsibility and action. 

In my experience, the click isn't something that magically sweeps in, whisking you off to weight loss glory and immediately changing everything in its path. Waiting for the click can be a fatal mistake.

Fear of death never really worked well for me. The only thing it ever did was scare me into pleading for the click to come quick. As if I was powerless in the process, I'd take the doctor's warnings and pray for something to click--something to save me, because that's how I thought it was supposed to happen.

The click is created. The click must be enabled, or activated. The click is a combination of ingredients, a recipe with the main ingredient being, self-honesty.

 When I got real with myself, that was the beginning of the click.

 And I thought the answer would be found in a package, procedure or plan of some sort. You know, something to do it for me--something that didn't require me to get honest about my behaviors with food.

Packages, procedures, and plans DO work. But if I still refuse to get honest about my stuff--and refuse to take responsibility for my self-destructive relationship with food, then the best-packaged products, medical procedures or weight loss plans will only be treating the side effects of my condition. Like calling a cleanup crew to a sewer line break, but not calling a plumber to fix the broken pipe. Yo-Yo dieting happens when we're constantly sending the cleanup crew instead of the plumber.

The thoughts that enabled the creation of the click inside me was: If I don't stop lying to myself about this, then I'm doomed. If I don't stop rationalizing my poor choices, it'll never happen. If I never take this seriously--and instead, treat it as a casual issue--it'll never be important to me. If I refuse to be accountable, then nobody will be the wiser if I fail--and honestly, if I reject accountability and support, then I'm, in effect, wanting to fail.

 Once a generous amount of self-honesty was applied--then it was iron-clad decision time. I'm doing this!! That was it-- no more lying to myself. No more waiting for something to magically click and save me. No more waiting for the next big weight loss "thing." This time WAS MY TIME. 

 There was only one problem.

I didn't know how. The solitary decision to get honest and make the iron-clad decision to choose change before change chose me wasn't the click.

 The click is created. It's built--it develops.

 I had to start as simple as humanly possible. I had to release my expectations of what weight loss required of me. I had to release my diet mentality. I wanted a sustainable plan, not another clean up job. I started small, slow and steady--and eventually built up to a point where I wasn't white-knuckling it anymore. Instead, I was in the click. I had finally found my groove. This click--this groove, was created because I kept it simple from Day 1.

Had I complicated the process, the click wouldn't have happened--or better, the consistent results associated with and recognized as "the click," wouldn't have developed.

Hoping, wishing, wanting and praying for the click wasn't the answer. Praying for the ability to get honest enough for the click to develop--was key. 
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Today was a wonderful Saturday. I slept in well. I spent some quality time with my grandson and I enjoyed a wonderful date night with Kristin.

I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal and I remained in active support communications.

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, June 24, 2016

June 24th, 2016 Today's Mission

June 24th, 2016 Today's Mission

It was after 2am when the storms started weakening and I was finally able to end live weather coverage, go home and drop in bed. Making my show's 6am start time was the plan, but my body insisted on more sleep. My alarm is super loud and it didn't phase me in the least. I was out. A colleague covered my show duties until I arrived a little later. In consideration of the exceptionally late weather coverage, this is acceptable and honestly, somewhat expected. It was still too little sleep going into an exceptionally busy Friday.

I couldn't just throw together an "I was up until the wee hours covering weather" look. I needed to gather myself and be presentable for a four-hour location broadcast. I took my time getting ready. I also honored my morning routine. My daily disciplines are very important to my continued stability in maintenance.

My radio show ended at 9:15am, giving me just enough time to race upstairs to the studio's employee kitchen, cook breakfast, prepare a lunch to-go, eat breakfast and be on my way to exchange my vehicle for the station's vehicle and arrive at the location broadcast, set up and be ready by straight up 10am. I was a man on a mission. Mission accomplished.

I had a good experience at the broadcast. The owner of this "backyard fun store," our client for this broadcast, was promoting a big sale on Holland Grills and the Big Green Egg cookers, complete with live cooking demonstrations and samples. The offers for free food were plentiful. Fortunately for me, this client is familiar with my story and what I do how important my continued recovery is to me and they didn't act the least bit surprised when I pulled out my pre-planned lunch.

I did try grilled watermelon. Not bad! Grilling the watermelon changes the flavor. Much like cooking anything, I suppose. I've tried grilled avocado and peaches before--and the same thing, the flavor changes. I don't have to eat something or try anything in order to "sell it" on the radio. You should hear some of the food commercials I've voiced lately. Oh my, yeah--good thing I'm not required to eat everything I advertise. It wouldn't work within my plan, that's for sure!

I finished the broadcast and hurried to switch vehicles, grab a coffee and make it to an important appointment I had with my youngest daughter. We spent some much-needed quality time together.

I made it to the store, picked up some fresh (and on sale) catfish fillets and made it home, completely spent. I wasn't ready for dinner. But I was slightly hungry. I was more tired than anything, so I opted for a holdover snack until a later dinner, then took a short nap.

I love to stay up late on Friday and work on personal projects. If I hadn't grabbed that nap, it wouldn't have been possible. This approach only works if I'm able to sleep in really well on Saturday morning--and fortunately, tomorrow--I can! No alarm!

This day was challenging. I met the challenges and through it all, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar and I met my daily water goal.

The difference between my old patterns and what I do now comes down to asking the question: How can I make maintaining the integrity of my plan work well, today? Asking that question, instead of immediately creating, developing and embracing reasons why it can't work, is critically important perspective.

I'm stamping this day a success. 

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, June 23, 2016

June 23rd, 2016 This Happens

June 23rd, 2016 This Happens

It's almost 1am. Another super late night. Tonight is weather coverage. Unfortunately, there's no taking a day off in the morning. This means I'll need to be very cautious and aware of what I need tomorrow.

It's been a great day, for sure. I took a personal day from work and I slept well and late!

This late night weather coverage was a little unexpected. I finished my workout, walked out--and immediately realized my night was just beginning, instead of winding down. This happens. I'll adjust and be okay.

I'm writing this between on-air weather breaks. I'll wrap it up and get back to work.

Today, I maintained the integrity of my 2300 calorie maintenance budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I participated in support exchanges. I exceeded my daily water goal. And I logged a very nice full body elliptical workout.

I did well today. I'd like another day like this, tomorrow. Except--let's skip the late night storms.

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, June 22, 2016

June 22nd, 2016 One More Night

June 22nd, 2016 One More Night

One more night of nearly Tweets Only, here.

I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I met my water goal. And I was active in support of others.

I'm taking a personal day off from work on Thursday. I'll be sleeping well. I need it!

I'm looking forward to writing more later.

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Thank you for reading and your comntinued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, June 21, 2016

June 21st, 2016 Tweets Only

June 21st, 2016 Tweets Only

It's a "Tweets Only" tonight. Hitting the pillow!

I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. And I actively participated in one on one and group support interactions. Good day! 

And good night!

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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