Thursday, October 22, 2015

October 22nd, 2015 In Defense of This Place

October 22nd, 2015 In Defense of This Place

From Day 37 --October 22nd, 2008:
Tomorrow is my 37th birthday. Another year older is much easier to take when you realize that you're doing something positive everyday. Bring it on 37!

From Day 403 --October 22nd, 2009:
Tomorrow will be my 38th birthday. As I reflect on what will forever be known as the age I finally got it together and lost the weight, I have to smile and give thanks. Thank you to my beautiful wife and daughters for being by my side. Thank you to Irene for never giving up on me. After twenty years of telling me how worried she was about my obesity, I finally listened. My 37th year has been monumental, easily the best year of my life. It’s really kind of ‘Dickens-esque’ “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” could accurately describe the last year. But you know what? It’s mostly been fabulous! Yes I said fabulous!! Turning 38 tomorrow doesn’t really bother me like it would if I still weighed over 500 pounds. I’m no longer one year closer to an early grave, I’m one year closer to being healthy and living my dreams. It’s going to be a great year ahead, it really will be.

From Day 771 --October 28th, 2010:
Saturday the 23rd was my thirty-ninth birthday. And even though I don't necessarily like the idea of quickly approaching forty, I couldn't be more thrilled about a birthday. Age thirty-nine is poised to be the most rewarding, personally and professionally, than any other year in my life. As much as I like to kid around about being "upset" over growing older, deep down--it's contrary. I'm still young and since losing all of this weight, I feel like my entire life has been redefined, opened up to a fresh new start where anything is possible. My weight loss makes me feel like a kid again, with unlimited potential--unaffected by the turmoils of life and the restrictions we grow to believe exist. This freedom, well--it's amazing really, so thirty-nine? No problem. It will be what we make it, because if I've learned anything in the last 771 days, it's this: The outlook for the future is determined by the attitude I apply and the choices I make along the way.

There weren't any birthday related postings in 2011, 2012 or 2013. My blogging discipline had become sporadic at best--The "Daily Diary" became the "Every Once In A While" Diary...And although I maintained fairly well for nearly a year and a half after hitting 230 in November 2010, the decline of my fundamental elements caught up to me. Reading my birthday post from last year was fun. The turnaround from relapse/regain was of course, in full force.

From October 23rd, 2014:
I woke up today feeling good about it being my 43rd birthday. I tried to go back into the archives to read how I was doing on my 42nd birthday, but I didn't blog a single page the last half of 2013. Honestly, I didn't need to read about it, I remember it well. I woke feeling depressed a year ago. I had gained back a big amount of weight and I was in the middle of the 'I've got to get a handle on this, now' cycle. That cycle was two or three days of doing well followed by two weeks of doing bad--and repeat. 

 Waking up today and feeling alive again felt incredible. A year ago, it felt improbable to ever feel like this again. When I looked in the mirror last year, all I could see was someone getting older and looking older--and worst of all, a man who was quickly losing hope for anything better. Honestly, it was mild to moderate depression. 

 I looked in the mirror this morning and staring back at me was a man who has a renewed spirit, new hope, dreams and most of all, a new attitude and perspective. My state of mind is one hundred eighty degrees what it was on this day a year ago. My whole world has opened.

 Only I know how truly bad it became--because it hit levels I haven't shared with anyone. Suffice to say, this turnaround, in my opinion, is nothing short of a miracle. I am truly blessed.

 I turn forty-four years old tomorrow (Friday the 23rd). Seven years after starting this experience, I find myself at a weight I haven't experienced since eleven years old. My blood pressure is normal. My blood work numbers are all in the excellent or normal category, I sleep well and truly, I feel physically better than ever before in my adult life. 

Even better than the numbers, is the peace and calm--mentally, emotionally and spiritually, like I've never known. This place of being, is precious to me. Every day that I maintain the integrity of my fundamental elements, I do it in defense of this place. It is not a burden, a chore, a departure from who I am or anything like that, because it has my embrace. It has my respect.

It is not a given or a guarantee. I don't "got this," and it isn't "all me." It's one day at a time, each day--staying connected with support in a variety of ways and expressing heartfelt gratitude every day for the recovery I've found. I hope and pray I never again abandon what's critical for my long term recovery.

Forty-four is young. I'm lucky. Of course, occasionally I notice a few more gray hairs--and the pigment-less old man bushes growing out of my ears--coupled with Andy Rooney-strong eye brows that require trimming monthly...but honestly, at the end of the day, those things don't matter. They don't even matter in the morning or middle of the day.

I feel the love. From my family, my colleagues, my friends in weight loss support, my listeners, the readers of this blog and more. And I don't reject, I embrace, because...

I feel loved by me. Truly, deeply.

Letting the Tweets tell the tale of today. Goodnight and thank you for reading.

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 11 comments:

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

October 21st, 2015 If Every Day Were Like Today

October 21st, 2015 If Every Day Were Like Today

A follow up to last night's armed robbery: It was confirmed through the Wichita Police Department activity logs--the clerk wasn't physically hurt. It also noted the suspect committed another armed robbery an hour later about one and a half miles North on the same street. I'm so relieved the clerk wasn't physically harmed. Mentally and emotionally--I can't even imagine how that experience might affect someone. Racing away from the scene felt like the right thing to do, even though I felt horrible for the clerk left behind. There wasn't anything we could do other than what we did--get to a safe distance and call police.

It was difficult to fall asleep last night. It must have been 2am before I drifted. It set my day up for a rough one. Luckily, I was able to split the day in half and get a midday nap. It was necessary. My food schedule was tilted somewhat. I didn't feel like eating a big lunch, opting for an apple with natural peanut butter and a cup of coffee, instead. The consequence was less than 1,000 calories consumed by 6:30pm. I eventually caught up, but I'm still leaving 81 calories on the table tonight.

I must evaluate my weight maintenance calorie budget carefully, especially if I register another significant loss in a week. MyFitnessPal just told me "If every day were like today" I'd weigh 203.7 in five weeks. I'm not getting too worked up about it. I feel good, really good physically. It's just, the more weight I lose, the more I realize I need strength training. And for whatever reason I haven't made that commitment.

You know what I'm doing? I'm over-complicating the strength training thing. Yep! The very thing I passionately write and speak about NOT doing when it comes to weight loss, I'm doing when it comes to strength training. Consistency beats intensity applies in this regard, too. Right? 

 It's also very interesting that I haven't firmed up accountability and support measures for strength training. Why? Because if I did, I'd need to do it!! But I complicate it, so I avoid the accountability and support needed to encourage. 

It reminds me of my water tweets. I didn't start incorporating those until about a year ago. I started after the person I was dating at the time asked why I didn't track and share water like I did everything else. My reply was straight up honest: "I don't want to be held accountable for my water goals." In other words--I wanted an out. If I didn't share the water consumption and I didn't want the water, by golly--I just wouldn't drink it--and nobody would be the wiser. 

But then I started thinking about it--and going through all of the benefits increased water would provide and it was then, I realized: I needed to include the water tweets. Since then, it hasn't been perfect. I still have an occasional day when I don't hit the minimum goal--but 95% of the time, I do. And that's a dramatic improvement over the last year.

 Accountability and support works.

 I truly believe if I apply a greater importance level to strength training by installing some structured accountability and support, then I'll be in for an incredible "phase two" of this transformation.

Happy 'Back To The Future' Day!!!!

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 6 comments:

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

October 20th, 2015 Robbery In Progress

October 20th, 2015 Robbery In Progress

9:32pm--I hit "tweet" on a water accountability post from the parking lot of a convenience store at I-235 and Meridian Avenue in Wichita, Kansas. At that very moment, my passenger, Bill, the owner of the broadcasting company I call home, starts yelling, "punch it, punch it--let's get out of here fast!" I look up, trying to figure out what's going on and immediately I see what's happening. An armed robber is standing on the counter with a gun pointed at the clerk. The clerk's hands are up. Another customer is racing from the store to his vehicle next to ours. I threw it in reverse, then in drive in what seemed like one motion and sped through the parking lot, flying out into traffic--luckily without hitting anyone or getting hit. Bill dialed 911 as I headed for the interstate to get us as far away from this place as possible. I've never witnessed anything like it. I hope and pray the clerk is okay. Had either one of us used the restroom or had I decided on a coffee for the drive home, we could have been inside. I'm incredibly grateful to be sitting at my desk writing this post.

I was picking up Bill at the airport in Wichita this evening. I arrived early enough to grab a coffee and lead the Tuesday night teleconference support group from the Starbucks on South Rock Road. I finished the call and headed into one of my favorite eateries for dinner. Chipotle is the absolute best in my opinion! I ordered the Kid's Taco Kit with a side of guacamole. It's super easy to get a lot of calories at this place. I navigated my calorie budget carefully and was very satisfied with my choices.

I had planned to write about a couple topics on my mind recently, but once again, I'll delay it. Simply too tired tonight, especially after the robbery. It's super late at this point. But I'll tell you, we have some things to discuss! Hopefully I can start early and do that tomorrow night.

My Tweets Today:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 4 comments:

Monday, October 19, 2015

October 19th, 2015 Tweets Only

October 19th, 2015 Tweets Only

Today was a good day. I'm tired tonight, so I've decided to do a Tweets Only post.

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 2 comments:

Sunday, October 18, 2015

October 18th, 2015 Changing The Future

October 18th, 2015 Changing The Future

I'm a big fan of the 1985 movie Back To The Future. The original movie poster (a birthday gift from my oldest daughter) is framed and prominently displayed in my apartment. The cover of my book features a transparent before picture, a nod to the fading picture in the movie.

What fascinated me most about the film, wasn't the concept of time travel. And it wasn't about breaking the "space-time continuum." What fascinated me the most was how everything we do today, shapes our tomorrow. From the biggest to the smallest of actions, every single one can make a dramatic difference for our future.

No matter our current trajectory, we have the power to alter our path, to change the pattern, to make a difference. Time travel might not be possible. Changing the future is completely possible. It's the very heart of choosing change before change chooses you.

Sometimes I ponder what could have been for me. Had I never taken a stand, where would I be today? Would I still be alive? I don't know. Had I never simplified my approach, instead getting lost in a million different plans and rules, would I have found myself, found consistency? What kind of future would I be living?

I had a good day. I slept well, participated in active support communications, drove a colleague to the airport, had a late lunch at one of my favorite "fresh-mex" fast food places on the way back, worked on writing outlines for future video blogs, took a nap, ate well, drank way too much coffee, briskly walked 2.7 miles in the park and now I'm ready for bed.

Before I go, I wanted to share with you the support group information. Another 10 week session starts November 2nd. For ease and time consideration, I'll copy/paste my facebook post from earlier this evening:

I want to work with you on your weight loss goals.

Are you ready? Ready to get unstuck? Ready to move your transformation in the direction you desire? Are you ready to discover the power of group coaching, accountability and support? Are you ready to lose weight, different than any time before? WE WANT YOU in one of our next 10 week sessions. These groups are led by Life Coach Gerri and me! It's a once a week meeting via teleconference w/daily support via a secret Facebook page & text support. A limited number of spaces are available. Any questions? Ask in the comments section of this post. Let's get excited about your transformation!!!

*DDWL readers: The tele-conference lines we use only work well for participants in the United States. We have found a way to accept registrants from Canada, but we're unable to accommodate participants from other countries. One of our goals is to develop a Skype based international support group sometime in the near future.

To join the Monday night 6 Central/7 Eastern/4 Pacific group, register via this link: http://lifecoachgerri.com/events/sg1102mongroup/

To join the Tuesday morning 10am Central/11am Eastern/8am Pacific group (led by Life Coach Gerri with guest appearances by me), register via this link: http://lifecoachgerri.com/events/sg1102tuesmorn/

To join the Tuesday night 7 Central/8 Eastern/5 Pacific group, register via this link: http://lifecoachgerri.com/events/sg1102tuesnite/

I hope your weekend was fantastic. Mine was needed. And that's a good thing.

My Tweets Today:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 10 comments:

Saturday, October 17, 2015

October 17th, 2015 Every Once In A While

October 17th, 2015 Every Once In A While

A day like today is needed every once in a while. It was quiet, peaceful alone time. I was able to get some work done on a couple of projects and casually go about my day without a set schedule. I made time for some really good support interactions, cooked some great food for breakfast and lunch and then enjoyed my favorite fajita chicken and zucchini crispy tacos, out for dinner.

My workout was fantastic. I was riding the elliptical side by side with one of mom's doctors. He's a specialist she visits once a week. I finally convinced him that I am in fact on her HIPAA form. Before, he couldn't so much as acknowledge her as a patient. Now, we exchange brief "Hey, mom's doing great--she was out walking this afternoon." "She's doing wonderful, Sean, tell her to keep up the good work." 

 I'm hitting the pillow relatively early for a Saturday night. I'm tired and need to seize the opportunity for more rest. Letting the tweets take it the rest of the way.

My Tweets Today:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 4 comments:

Friday, October 16, 2015

October 16th, 2015 Minimize In My Headspace

October 16th, 2015 Minimize In My Headspace

Two guests on my show this morning helped put my fears at ease over this entire dog bite thing. I had a veterinarian and the director of the humane society, both in studio promoting different things--and I seized the opportunity to discuss this situation with each, off the air and on.

These two guests work with animals everyday and they both agreed, the chance of this being something worthy of concern is slim to none. Had it been a stray dog or a wild animal, different story. The chances of a domesticated small dog, likely an indoor pet, contracting rabies is extremely rare. Maybe my 2% uncertainty I wrote about last night is more like .1% instead. Would I like to be 100%? Of course. But even with all of the on-air talk of this situation, the lady and her dog has yet to be found.

I do have a plan to request a colleague cover the first hour of my show on Monday morning. During that time, I'll slowly drive around the immediate area looking for them. Chances are really good she walks her dogs regularly at that time. She's likely changed her route considering what happened, but I imagine she's in the area. Dogs still need walked, right? If I find her and get what I'm looking for, awesome. If not, I'm prepared to calmly be okay and allow this to minimize in my head space.

#TBT on a Friday
photo Before-Now_zps8qvk1qhh.jpg
This is one of my favorite side by side comparison photos. The before picture was snapped while dining at a Kentucky Fried Chicken. My ex-wife Irene is also in the picture. Over five years later, we have a wonderful post-divorce relationship based on mutual respect and the kind of love and caring for one another that transcends anything and everything. I just spoke with her for permission to use this photo again. The more recent picture was a few months ago during a grocery store location broadcast.

Today's schedule at work was fairly busy, enough to cancel any plans of an extended midday break--other than enough time to run to the store, grab a midday coffee and a few groceries for lunch preparations in the studio kitchen.

I was horrified today when I discovered two outstanding six week old shipments remaining on the books. I shipped several paperback books and MP3 audio book versions of Transformation Road over a month ago and thought I was caught up. I missed two. Uhg!! Linda in British Columbia and Raye Ann in Ontario--thank you for your patience!! And also, sincerely, thank you for your wonderful support! Your paperback and audio version copies of Transformation Road are on the way!

By the time I walked in the door of my apartment, it was almost 5:30 and I was very tired. Surprisingly, despite a late lunch, I felt a little hungry--so I decided a snack and a short nap was in order.

My nap ended up being too much. I slept right past the alarm. What was to be 45 minutes ended up being twice that and a little more--and it tilted my entire night. Dinner was late. My walk tonight was after midnight and here I am, finishing up this post just after two am. But, I am a night owl at heart and I'm completely off work tomorrow. I plan on sleeping until I've had enough. It would be different if I needed to be up early in the morning...good thing I don't.

By the way, the paperback and unabridged audio version combo of Transformation Road-My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back is still available as a complimentary gift with your donation to this blog of at least $25. The secure donation link can be found in the upper left hand corner. Thank you for your wonderful support!

Valerie recently commented:
"I'm continually impressed with your dedication to your health and eating. Despite some very rough times lately, you just keeping doing you- I love it!! So inspiring :)"

Thank you for that, Val! It all goes back to my parallel streams philosophy. Life is going to come at us in a variety of ways. If I sacrifice my fundamental elements stream when my life stream gets turbulent, #1--it won't improve my life stream situation. and #2-- For me, it would mean a return to the worst behaviors with food--and that always results in significant weight gain. Maintaining the integrity of my plan come what may is one of the biggest challenges worthy of my focus. It's imperative for continued success along this road.

You'll find two new blogs listed in the "Blogs I Recommend" section along the left hand side. "My Little Nook" is a blog by a very experienced blogger who's back--and I'm thrilled she's back! "Totally Kathy" is also new to the list. From what I've read of Totally Kathy's blog so far...wow...Get ready for a great read as she loses "one pound 300 times." 

If you have a blog you would like included on my list, please email me the link so I can check it out! transformation.road@gmail.com

My Tweets Today:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 4 comments:

Thursday, October 15, 2015

October 15th, 2015 Help Me Find This Person, Please

October 15th, 2015 Help Me Find This Person, Please

No luck today in locating the lady with the dog that bit me Wednesday morning at approximately 6:40am near the intersection of First and Grand Avenue in downtown Ponca City. There's considerable conversation around the area about it, though. And maybe that will eventually reach her. I visited a downtown veterinary hospital this afternoon and was immediately greeted with, "I know why you're here. We've had several calls about it today and we don't know who it could be, either."

I'm not stressing out too much. Although a simple Google search brought up the horrific consequences if the dog had rabies. I truly wasn't fully aware before doing that this morning. There's a window of time, from a week or two to a month or maybe more, where you can get the rabies shots and be okay. But once symptoms start, there's no treatment and death is certain.

I have some time to locate her before I will need to either get the series of rabies shots or trust that she was being honest when she said the dog was vaccinated. I hate it that a potentially life or death thing will be left up to trusting the word of a stranger. 

But really, based on snap judgment, logic and simple profiling, she's likely telling the truth.

Here's an older lady who cares enough about her little pooches to take them for an early morning walk downtown, on leashes. She appeared to be reasonably sane and well put together, wearing athletic shoes that might indicate she's regularly active and takes good care of herself. Those little dogs are likely treated like loving family members. With all things considered, I'm 98% certain this little dog was properly vaccinated. But it's that 2% chance that she might say anything if she feared losing her precious dog or feared being sued.

I'm not interested in anything other than peace of mind in knowing the dog was properly vaccinated. I don't care about the jeans or the urgent care co-pay. I just want to fill the gap between 98 and 100% certainty, you know what I mean? 

What a tough lesson. I was thinking about it today. If someone crashed into my car, I wouldn't dare think of blowing it off--no matter how in shock I might be in a situation like that--it simply goes without saying--if you damage my car, we must exchange insurance information at the very least--and if it's more serious, we must call the police. But make it my body and my life, instead of a car that can be repaired or replaced, and I let it go???? That's crazy.

Well, I suppose this has been running in my background all day long. I haven't let it affect my resolve in taking extraordinary care, and that's good. I do plan on continuing my on-air appeal each morning--but now with a less comical approach, instead a serious--help me find this person, please, type delivery.

I had a really good day, otherwise. I ate well and had a great workout at the YMCA. I intentionally nailed my calorie budget of 2300 and exceeded my minimum water goal by three cups. "The condition" seems to be improving.

I'm up late handling weather coverage for the radio stations. As long as these storms remain at less than severe status, I'll be in bed soon. If they intensify and go severe, it could be a long night. Let's hope for decreased intensity and gradual dissipation.

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 18 comments:

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

October 14th, 2015 Okay, Then

October 14th, 2015 Okay, Then

I was feeling some fairly nasty pain this morning courtesy of what I will appropriately refer to as "the condition." It slowed me down considerably, enough to ask a colleague to cover the first 1/2 hour of my radio show until I could pull myself together. Then, as if that wasn't enough to manage, I finally get to the radio station and end up getting bit by a dog on the sidewalk just outside our window front studios. A nice older lady was walking her two dogs, both on leashes--and it was still dark, and apparently these dogs considered me a threat to their master. The smallest dog did exactly what came natural, it defended his/her master and attached itself to my leg. Two broken skin bite marks and a ripped pair of new jeans was the result.

I'm way too nice and forgiving for my own good. She assured me the dog was properly vaccinated, apologized, then I countered with "my new jeans are ripped--and oh wow, there's blood." She apologized again, reassured me for the third time that her dogs have had their rabies shots--and she quickly exited the scene.

This was the point where I should have said, "hey, wait, uh, maybe we should exchange information and you could give me the name of the vet just to make sure he's properly vaccinated--and you think you should replace these new jeans and perhaps pay for my insurance co-pay on a visit to the urgent care facility?" That's exactly what I should have said. Instead I simply muttered, "Okay, then." 

 I talked about the incident on the air, encouraging this dog owner to contact me, or "if you know who this person might be, please have her contact me." I took the blame for not getting the information when it happened. And my intent certainly isn't to call her out. I wouldn't mention her identity on the air under any circumstances. I really only care about seeing proof of vaccinations. If she pays for the jeans and the urgent care visit co-pay I paid this evening, then great, but at the very least--shot records, please.

It didn't result in her contacting me. I did get quite a bunch of advice and encouragement to seek medical attention. This may become a new morning show bit, "The search continues, Day whatever..." 

I was just going to treat it at home with over the counter stuff until mom insisted I go see a doctor. I did go tonight. I received a tetanus shot, some fancy ointment samples and a prescription for an antibiotic. Mom's happy and aside from hating needles, I'm happy that it looks like I'll live.

Then it was time for my bi-weekly maintenance weigh-in at the doctor's office. A support friend suggested I see the doctor about the bite during the weigh-in, but I didn't have an appointment. The weigh-in is a drop by arrangement, not an appointment and he was busy with patients. I knew from the start if I was going to end up seeking medical attention it would be at an urgent care facility.

Where were we? Oh yeah--the weigh-in....I don't know what to think of this one.
photo 213.020weigh20day_zpssn9zqu3x.jpg
213 pounds represents a 7.4 pound loss over the last two weeks. It's also the lowest I've weighed since I was eleven years old. I fully expected a pound or two gain considering all of the missed workouts because of "the condition" and my insane schedule of late. I was shocked. I stepped off and back on. We re-calibrated and tried again. Made sure it was properly "zeroed" and tried again. Still, 213. Okay, make sense of that one. I'll try...

Maybe, just maybe-- last weigh day's nearly 3 pound gain was actually a temporary water weight gain--and maybe it should have showed a slight loss instead...and maybe this time I didn't have any excess water weight issues and perhaps this, coupled with a pound or two or three of actual loss, equaled the 7.4 pounds. I don't know. And you know what? It doesn't matter.

I'm eating very well. I honestly don't think I can add much more without it messing my with my mind a little. My plan is to watch this for another couple weigh-ins, keeping the calories where they are (2300) and resuming workouts in a regular way. I'm feeling fine. I'm not getting overly concerned. I've talked with a couple of support friends about this today and they've both agreed that I should keep on keeping on and see if this continues. I plan on doing just that.

It's been a crazy-wacky day. I've learned a few things:

1. When somebody's dog bites you, it's perfectly acceptable to ask for what you need.  
2. The scale is insane.
3. Tetanus shots burn.

I'm going to bed and hoping for a restful night and a morning without pain from "the condition."

My Tweets Today:


















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 11 comments:

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

October 13th, 2015 The Truth Never Gives Up

October 13th, 2015 The Truth Never Gives Up

Making it through challenging parts of a particular day's schedule is sometimes tricky. The past two days have included evening job commitments and even though I sometimes get a midday break, it still makes for a long day. Days like this require me to plan better. My continued maintenance and recovery depends on my unwillingness to compromise the integrity of my personal plan.

I didn't plan well for tonight. We had a huge annual event at a big casino. It was Ladies Night Out 2015! It's plenty of free wine, free food, vendor booths and prizes! My job was greeting people and walking around making occasional announcements. I really thought I would make a dinner plate from the free food selections provided. It was really good food. But it just wasn't clicking with my plan. I did allow for some fried mushrooms--simply because I love them and these looked worth the investment. And they were, for certain.

In hindsight, this would have been a great night to have my go-to meal on the go of almonds, cheese and fruit. Instead, I opted to use the mushrooms as a holdover, and cook a late dinner at home. I don't like eating so incredibly late, but I'll allow it because it's not the rule, it's an occasional exception. And as long as what I'm eating meets certain criteria within my plan, I'm fine. 
photo Ladies20night203_zpst6vavj6p.jpg
photo Ladies20night202_zpslbeuj6rh.jpg
It feels strangely fantastic to receive so many compliments at once. In other words, it can feel strange and fantastic at the same time. An annual event like this has found me at every physical condition along my trek: At my heaviest, during weight loss mode, during relapse/regain, during weight loss mode part two and now, during maintenance. Many of the people at this event are ones I rarely see but once a year, at this event. 

Simply saying thank you isn't always easy. I did say a simple, "thank you, I feel great," most of the time and simply "thank you." But a couple of times I also caught myself saying, "you're too kind."

The key for me, is not getting caught up in these. Does it feel good? Yes. Do I have loads more confidence? Yes. But I continuously remind myself, it's still me--I'm the same guy--The 500 pound Sean, the 220 pound Sean--same person underneath. And it's in these thoughts where I find comfort and peace. 

The realization that my self-worth and identity isn't attached to a number has easily been the most profound epiphany I've experienced along the way. In this embrace, I'm no longer dividing myself in two, with a bad and good version. I'm good, period. I was good then and I'm good now. I'm simply at a healthier weight. And that's a wonderful thing.

All that I do--the accountability measures, the support measures, the weighing, measuring, the logging--it's all part of my normal, my personal list of fundamental elements---and it's holding these in the highest regard that will bring me the greatest opportunity for continued maintenance and recovery.

There isn't ever a time in my future where these elements aren't needed. For some, the thought of finding a life groove that's sustainable seems like a burden. It might seem unfair, too.

I mean, let's be honest, we all know someone who can eat whatever they want when they want and hardly ever gain an ounce. Those people are normal. People like us look at a pie and gain three pounds. And guess what? We're normal, too. The difference is, this is my normal and that's theirs. We're all different.

We're all trying to identify our normal. And once we do, even if it isn't the normal we wanted--the quicker we love and embrace it as ours, the quicker we can get on to experiencing a freedom and peace unlike any other experience in our lives. 

It really comes down to acceptance of personal truths. The truth never gives up either. The longer we try to ignore it or pretend it doesn't exist, the more it asserts itself until eventually it can't be denied. That's the point where loving acceptance makes most everything fall into place.

Tomorrow is my bi-weekly weigh-in at the doctor's office. I haven't a clue what I'll find. Honestly, given the minor, yet very painful medical condition I've had for the last two and a half weeks coupled with an unforgiving schedule--and how I've certainly sacrificed my consistent workout schedule as a reaction to the circumstances--it could be another gain.

It's important that whatever the number is tomorrow, I'm okay. I'm healing and although I may not be back to 100%, I can workout--especially on the elliptical (proved that the other night). If I see a gain, I'll likely not change anything food/calorie wise. I'll just see what effect resuming a consistent workout schedule might bring for the next two weeks.

I've stayed up plenty late tonight. I think there's enough separation between dinner and bedtime. I'm hitting the pillow knowing I maintained the integrity of my food plan. I feel very well.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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