Day 34 Losing Weight-Gaining Freedom

Day 34

Losing Weight-Gaining Freedom

As the pounds come off I find myself thinking of more things I'd like to do someday, that I couldn't do at my top weight. I've talked about these things before, but I just thought of two additions today. I want to go to a big go-cart track and race! Even as a teen I could barely fit on a go-cart. It was actually hazardous for me to even be on one, because my weight made it difficult to drive. I remember how fun it was and I don't care if it sounds like a kid thing to do, I want to do it! I want to fit on one easily and race! Ok, the second thing is something really scary. I'm deathly afraid of heights. I remember when I was a kid climbing a ladder to get on top of my grandparents car-port, then being paralyzed by the fear. I must have sat up there an hour frozen with fear and trying to figure out how in the world I was going to get back down. I honestly thought I would have to be rescued, but I somehow pulled it together and made it down the ladder. I'm so afraid of heights, that if you are standing next to a railing on a balcony, and I'm not, I will still get scared just watching you. So, knowing how afraid of heights I am, it may be a surprise to discover that I want to jump out of a plane! Sky dive! I don't think fat people are allowed to sky dive. Are they? I've never watched video of a fat person skydiving. I will do it! I'll be conquering my fear of heights and I will experience flying through the air. I know someone who tried it once and shattered both ankles when he flared the chute too early. That would be horrible. But I've got to try it! I'll think of others as we progress along this journey. There are so many things that are nearly impossible to enjoy as a morbidly obese person, so I'm sure the list will be a long one!

It's a tremendous feeling to be so honestly on track. I've failed so many times at losing weight that I've really become a pro at cheating on my calories. But not this time. I'm so fanatical about my calorie limit that I will not tolerate even 50 calories over. I guess I'm this strict because I know myself. I know that if I do it a little it will lead to a lot. Then the next thing you know I'm buying candy bars and half gallons of ice cream. I'm all about eating whatever you want and still losing weight, I'm proof it can be done, but I do have some boundaries. My wife and kids know that if daddy brings home a half gallon, it's all over. Irene is so good at recognizing when I've fallen off the wagon that she'll let me know she knows long before anyone else has a clue. If you see me drinking regular pop...I'm off the wagon. If you see me loading up a plate at a get together, I'm probably off the wagon. If you see me in the back alley behind the convenience store with a pint of Blue Bell and a plastic spoon, I'm off the wagon. But you will not see me doing any of those things, because I'm not only on the wagon, I'm strapped onto the wagon. If the wagon tipped over, I'd still be on the wagon. If the wagon started rolling down a mountain side, I'd be screaming in terror, but I'd still be on the wagon. What I'm trying to say is...I'm doing this now. And I imagine that some might be wondering when these blogs will stop. I've had so many great starts before, surely I'll mess up and go back to doing whatever sooner or later. Nope. If you stopped reading this blog and came back in two months, you would find Day 94 ready and waiting for you to read. I wouldn't want you to do that! I'm just trying to illustrate my commitment to the journey. It's become interesting at times. It's been very challenging at times! It's also been very easy and kinda boring at times. But isn't everyday life like that? You know, highs and lows, peaks and valleys...It has it all. As the days go by it just becomes a part of me and my way of conducting myself, a normal part of my day regardless of circumstances and stresses. That's when you know you're on track 100%. When you know that there isn't a situation or problem that can derail you. I see my Uncle Sig maybe four or five days a year tops, and for the last twenty he's heard me say “the next time you see me I'll look completely different.” So he's going to take some convincing. Uncle Sig can be brutally honest, and sometimes just plain old crude and inappropriate...But I understand him, he wants nothing more than to see us do it for real. Me, my mom, my Aunt Kelli, my family...He loves us all, and it would make him so happy to see us get healthy and thin. But he'll have to see it to believe it. That's fine. We're getting there one day at a time! Love you Uncle Sig! And really... “The next time you see me, I'll look completely different.”

Speaking of Uncle Sig and Aunt Jean, they were up tonight for the big cookout. My mom, Uncle Keith, Aunt Kelli, and Grandma too! It was a great little party! I loaded up that grill once again with brats, hamburgers and hot dogs. It was really good! We had chips, potato salad, and baked beans too. Nothing sweet though...did you notice that? No desert...Oh well, I had a Popsicle earlier to round out my calories for the day. I should have made something sweet. I love jello with non-dairy whipped topping, and guess what? It's calorie friendly! Maybe next time we'll do that. I made sure I had 800 calories going into the cookout, and after a brat on a bun with mustard and onions, and a hamburger patty with pickles, onions, mustard and tomatoes I had exactly 70 calories left. A Popsicle is 50. And I'm good...unless I want a pickle when I'm done with this blog. A big dill pickle sounds good actually. It was a good cookout, and guess what? We have another cookout tomorrow at Elaina and Davids house! Ribs this time, oh my.

I just thought of something hilarious. If Vegas were to put odds on me losing this weight all the way to the final goal, given my past record, it would probably be like a 500 to 1 long shot. They would take those bets all day long and just wait for me to have a meltdown and throw it all away. And if I were you, I'd bet the farm. Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean