Day 310
Lesson Learned
I've learned a very valuable lesson in the past couple of days. From this point forward--unless someone specifically ask for my advice and help concerning weight loss---I will keep my thoughts, opinions, and suggestions about their choices to myself. Someone mentioned once that Richard Simmons lives by this philosophy. Unless someone reaches out to him, he will not offer any advice about weight loss and fitness. I'm in no way comparing myself to Richard, I just really look up to him---and I remembered that someone with personal knowledge on the topic had shared that information about Richard in a comment a while back. This lesson came about because I read a blog where someone had decided that they would have weight loss surgery. I just wanted to reach out and offer some help, share my experiences, and let her know that I thought she could do it without a surgery. I certainly didn't mean to hurt her feelings. I think I may have. And I certainly apologize Lynn. I don't know her personally. I don't know her struggles. I can't assume that my life-long struggle is strikingly similar to hers, it may have been completely different. I have friends and family that have undergone various weight loss surgeries. Some with wonderful success, others with horrible consequences. But still, it was what they felt they had to do. For some of those friends and family members, it was the greatest thing they ever did. For a few others, they regretted the decision from day 1. One thing I've heard from even the best of cases is this: It's certainly not an “easy way out.” It takes a lot of discipline and will power just the same. It's a struggle every day, but still for many, it's the wonderful life changing thing they hoped it would be. Lynn never asked for my opinion or advice on the subject. I just dived in and gave it anyway. I was out of line. And it certainly will not happen again. I did it with sincere caring and wonderful intentions. And I would hope that anyone who reads my comments could clearly see that sincerity. I did get kind of upset after reading what someone else said in a comment about waiting two years for a consultation about surgery, then waiting another two years for the surgery. I just couldn't understand waiting four years to do something. But then again I waited over twenty years to finally do something, so...Anyway...It's behind me. Lesson learned.
Now don't get me wrong, I'll still “weigh-in” in the comment section of blogs I regularly read, and I'll continue to be the same supportive Sean as ever. I so enjoy following the blogs of others, but I'm not going to just go in and start telling someone they can do this and how I have, without them asking me for that information. And if you've read my blog, you already know how I've done it thus far. I have to mention, I've been crunched for time today and haven't had very much time to read and comment—but I'll catch up!
We took my mom back home this evening, it was a too short visit! We stopped at a popular clothing store upon arriving in Stillwater because Courtney had some birthday money for clothes shopping. That kid knows how to find the bargains! She bought a pair of jeans, three shirts, a pair of workout pants, and a few undergarments all for forty dollars! Rue 21 is an amazing little store! The best part wasn't the bargains, it was seeing her once again excited about shopping for clothes.
I'm headed to bed this evening. I really must have more rest. This journey is much easier when you're properly rested! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
I can't believe this....I almost had this exact same experience 2 days ago. I happened upon a girl's site who had decided to have the surgery as well. Oh Sean, my fingers were twitching so bad...wanting to scream, "NO! DON'T DO IT! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH SURGERY AND ALL OF IT'S CONSEQUENCES!!!" But I didn't. All for the same reasons that you learned your lesson over. The thing is...I know how well-intentioned you were in giving your advice to this other girl, and I'm sorry she wasn't willing to heed your advice. Not everyone is. But your heart was in the right place Sean. We all know that. Don't let it deter you from continuing to share your story with the ones who are more than willing to listen. :)
ReplyDeleteah ha! so you ARE human! ;) We all say things occasionally on which we look back and wish we could change our words.
ReplyDeleteIf she's been a reader of yours for any length of time, she will realize that you were not trying to be hurtful, but helpful.
Sometimes people need advice that they dont want to hear. Dont beat yourself up over it! Your intentions were good, and we all love reading your posts! :)
ReplyDeleteThere are so many different ways to lose weight and what suits one person doesn't suit another, so I tend not to offer an opinion unless it is sought as it does seem to be rather an emotive subject.
ReplyDeleteYour intentions are always the best and that is obvious, so I hope you don't feel bad about it. We all trust and enjoy your comments, knowing they come from your heart and your experience.
I have to agree. I know that, in my time as a fat person, people have tried to offer me their advice about losing weight, but their unsolicited advice was always fruitless and usually resented - though I knew they meant well, my obesity shouldn't be any of their business, any more than their invisible psychological issues are my business. One thing I learned is that weight loss isn't going to happen until the subject is really in the mood for it! No matter how much they may "want" it, they may not be ready to act on it yet and that's okay. One must do what is right for oneself. Solutions and plans will rise up from within oneself and then they'll know. If they reach within themselves for a solution or plan and find nothing clear, that's when they'll go looking for advice, and that's when they'll be ready to hear it. I think of this in relation to myself. I would complain in a blog "I wish I wasn't fat" and this healthy guy would recommend some System I should try, and I was like, "Dude, I'm totally not going to do that." I have a friend who's really suffering from great obesity as he has his whole life, and I feel bad for him and want to help him get better so he's not feeling pain, but it's hard because I know that the only times I ever got better were when I was ready to be determined about it. I don't want to be a friend who's always trying to get him to lose weight because it's what *I* want for him.
ReplyDeletehey, i just want to let you know what i think. haha, should i not be offering my thoughts? j/k. i feel that if people are out there (and blogging on the internet is pretty out there) then they are kind of opening themselves up for comments. a lot of people want to be reassured that what they are doing is ok so they feel better about it. im not talking about this person or you, just in general. i can guarantee that what you said came from a caring place, so please dont even worry about it.
ReplyDeletethat being said, i want to say that i feel privileged that you read and comment on my blog. its a tiny blog and i dont have much weight to lose, so seeing your comments everyday means a lot. not to say that you need to all the time of course, lol, but i know how many followers you have of your blog and your story, so little old me thanks you.
Sean having read your blog I truly believe your heart was in the right place....some people aren't ready to hear it...I don't think you did anything wrong ...you are allowed to tell what you think and they can take it or leave it ....Keep up the great job
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Kathie and Monica--and well, really everyone. I know you. I know this blog--I asked you to read her blog, because I felt like she needed not just a dose of reality, but a dose of inspiration. That is what your story has meant to me.
ReplyDeleteYou always offer encouragement and advice with the very best of intentions. Sometimes people do need to hear what they don't want to hear. I am deeply sorry if you were attacked as a result of your genuine concern for someone else. Isn't that amazing? Saoirse said it--putting it out there in a blog is as public as it gets and asking people for support (emotionally and financially) says that you are willing to hear the positive and the negative.
I am just so sorry that you feel the need to apologize. Thank you for being willing to reach out to people. If it makes your day brighter--DH had a break through yesterday that he directly attributes to your story. We might not have wanted to hear that we can't eat crap and lose weight, or approach this effort with anything less than our whole hearts--but that is the reality if we want your kind of success. It can be done! Thanks for being you Sean.
Blessings--Bonnie and Andy
I understand how you feel--I probably would have felt the same way. But at the same time, I think Saoirse brings up a good point. When you're on the Internet, you're going public and you can't always expect to receive comments that back up your point of view.
ReplyDeleteI often tend to see things differently from the majority. Usually, I reserve my rants for my own blog, but once in awhile I'll tell someone that I don't agree. It's not because I think others are bad or stupid. It's often because it hurts me to see people doing what I consider to be harmful things to themselves and I just want to say, "Hey, it doesn't have to be this way!".
The bottom line is, anyone who knows you from your blog, knows that what you say comes from a caring place.
My husband learned this lesson after offering some weight loss tips to others! Now he doesn't unless asked.
ReplyDeleteBut i also know that you and my husband were just doing it out of genuine concern!!
Sean, I know everything that you write comes from your heart and with love and support. And I'll tell anyone who asks me that. In fact, I just wrote that on another blog before reading your post here.
ReplyDeleteI do consider you a blogging friend and a great support to me. I hope you find me supportive as well, because I am cheering you on!
I know what works for me. I have custom-tailored my program to fit my needs. I do WW because I like it, and if I want a piece of Pizza Hut I'll have it--once in a blue moon. I'll take a burrito from Taco Bell any day--not exactly clean eating, but it works. (Good thing we don't have Taco Bell in our town.) Normally I do eat really well. My husband? He could never do WW or count calories. He's not a big carb eater. He weighed the other day and he has 10-15 pounds to lose. I think the most overweight he's ever been was 20 pounds. I hope my son gets his genes. When he loses weight, he does Atkins and pumps up his exercise. It works for him. It would never work for me, ever. He's the type to turn to peanuts for a snack. Me? Carbs.
I just chalk it up to the fact we're all different.
I think you are a fantastic man who has honor and great character. I love your blog, I love the support you give, and I am so glad I found your blog!
Sean - first time commenting on here.. I actually found your blog from Lynn's... first of all, let me say that you are an inspiration in your self-commitment and success so far! I look forward to continuing to check in on your space. I ended up choosing WLS (lap-band), and it was the right thing for me - not for everyone, but was for me... and I think that it is clear from your blog that you deeply care - and that is a good thing. I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt anyone... it is a shame that ALL OF US struggling with weight even have to worry about that - the hurt... but we do. I would keep being honest about your experiences because your way is the right way for many many people! And WLS is the right way for many others. Hopefully we can all support each others succeses. Keep up the good fight! (BTW - do you have a place for followers to join your site?)
ReplyDeleteOooh I love Rue 21!!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the comment mishap...I tend to type before I think. I'm surprised I haven't offended anyone yet...that I know of ;)
Sean,
ReplyDeleteYou always speak from the heart and from experience, you don't preach,you are a genuine caring man. You have give us all inspiration and encouragment.
I for one I am very glad to have been directed to your blog and I reckon 99% of your readers feel the same.
Blogland is a huge powerful place and we all open ourselves up to comments of every kind out there.
Keep on doin what you doin!!!
hugs
Sheilagh
Hey Sean,
ReplyDeleteI have followed your blog for a couple of months now and I believe that you defintely mean well and speak from the heart. It is so very hard to not speak out sometimes when all you (we) want to do is help that person, whoever that person might be. I think your new rule of not offering advice unless asked for it is wise, however, don't stop saying and writing what you truly believe. You have been such an inspiration to so many of us-keep up the good work!
well, here's the thing...while I sometimes think "who asked you though?" with some comments I get on my blog I still welcome all of the supportive and informative comments. I haven't received a rude one yet.
ReplyDeleteAs far as blogging goes, if people didn't want to hear honest (yet caring, non-judgemental) opinions then they:
A) would not be blogging and/or
B) not have a comments section in there blog.
Based on the super supportive comments you've left on my blog I can only imagine that your comments to Lynn were nothing but supportive in saying that you believe that weightloss without surgery CAN be done. Somewhere in there I'm sure you said something about patience, or willpower, or support, or SOMETHING that didn't involve belittling her or calling her a LOSER for taking the chicken-sh9t way out.
I think everyone here knows that weightloss surgery is far more than just the "lazy person's" or "cheaters" way out. Among all things you could DIE!! Dying from the one thing you're trying to use to help you NOT die sucks big time but we all have read/heard stories where it's happened. Hopefully Lynn has thought long and hard about this.
Also, the thing with weight loss surgery is doctors (who are doing it by the book and not by the buck) require a patient to lose like 30 or 40 pounds to show they will be committed to continued weightloss after the surgery in order to reduces rupture or other injuries. Or to just show they are serious and not pissing away someone's money!
But here I am tooted my "advice". I think maybe you should find a happy medium...give a little and if they bite...give some more.
Please don't apply this new decision to comments on my blog. If I sound like I have gone off my rocker, please give advice, guidance... or just tell me I have lost it. I love hearing about what people think about my journey just as much as I love encouragement. SO THERE!
ReplyDeleteWe all have areas of specialty that we excel in. You have lost weight just as fast as someone who got the surgery (or maybe faster)... so I think you are a fine testament to being able to do the same thing without the surgery.