Day 644
It Is But A Moment—Good Choices On A Day Like Today
I wasn’t ready for Monday morning, in fact—I wasn’t really ready for a Monday at all. At the risk of saying the same thing I’ve said many times, I was rushed this morning—woke up late, barely had time for breakfast—I did squeeze in some fruit and scrambled eggs. Wow, this isn’t setting a solid foundation for a good day. But these days do happen occasionally, and understanding that I must amp up my awareness during a perceived weakened state, I’m very calculated and careful with my choices. I’ve had these kind of busy days before, full of stress and more work than I can possibly do in one day, but I refuse to let them shake my resolve. I control my choices at all times---good, plain bad, or just stressful bad---my good choices must remain a constant without influence from the circumstances of the moment.
Because it is just a moment. And that’s important to remember. Good times come and go, bad times come and go---if I allowed the uneven flow of emotional energy to effect my performance along this transformation road, then this blog would have stopped before Day 10 and I would still be a 500 pound man, miserable and quite possibly dead.
Sometimes it’s just something that we convince ourselves is beyond our control, “well, I can’t help it, I eat when I’m stressed.” Yeah, me too…But guess what? I knew I had to change the pre-set notions about myself---I had to re-invent and re-train myself with food. I had to be honest with myself. Just because stress makes me want to eat everything in sight, doesn’t mean I have to do exactly that. What do I want? Where am I headed? I’ve got to battle this food addiction with unconventional thinking---setting new notions about myself that say, you’re in control Sean, this will pass---we’re going to make it, and making it through the storms without gorging---that makes the sweet sunshine after the storm much more enjoyable.
I found an excerpt from a year and a day ago that talks about the self-honesty component of this journey. I’ve since adopted a different attitude and approach with very close loved ones. I no longer talk to anyone about integrity issues within their personal calorie budget, rather---I set an example, talk the talk---and I walk it everyday. My results have proven the effectiveness of my approach---and those very close to me know exactly what I’m all about. Still, I believe this excerpt has some value:
The honesty part of this journey is so crucial. Without being completely honest with ourselves and others, we're simply wasting our time. I can remember past weight loss attempts where I would lie about how many calories I had remaining for the day, just so I could eat more later in front of everyone without them thinking I was going over. I knew I was going over, but I didn't want them to know. The problem is simple: It shows up on weigh day. And it gradually gets worse. I would continue doing it so regularly that eventually I stopped weighing in all together, refusing to see the damage I'd done.
The gradual breakdown of so many of my past weight loss attempts always started with “fudging” on my calories. Being completely honest about my caloric intake everyday has been a crucial part of my success thus far. I noticed a loved one doing this very thing recently. I knew they had consumed more than what they were saying, but I didn't call them on it, I'll wait until weigh day. When the results are not what they wanted and not even close, we'll sit down and have a very serious and private conversation about the importance of calorie budget integrity. It's vital, because often times that kind of behavior is the beginning of the end of a weight loss attempt, OK, not “often times,” every time. And I care way too much about this person to allow it to go completely unchecked and ignored.
My workout plan today was incredible. I would meet Courtney and Brad at the YMCA for spinning class at 5:30pm. Courtney and Brad really want to give it a try, and that’s very cool—they’ll love it! Only one problem: With production and writing duties, I wasn’t able to get out of the studio until after 4pm---I was running on an embarrassing low amount of sleep, and I had play rehearsal at 7pm. I called Courtney and informed her that it would be a really bad idea for me to do spinning today. We re-scheduled their introduction to spinning for Wednesday night. I had to get some kind of nap before rehearsal, just wasn’t any other way…I was a zombie by this point, so tired, my head actually hurt. This isn’t healthy at all.
Getting proper rest has been a constant struggle for me from Day 1. I try to do so much---but sometimes, I just have to accept the fact that I can’t do it all, at least—not at the same time. Because believe me, I can and will do it all! Watch me!
No less than three people tried to wake me from my nap before play rehearsal. When 7pm found me still sleeping, my phone also started ringing courtesy of the director and stage manager of the production. This is bad. Real bad. Being late to something like this shows a complete disregard and lack of respect for others. I’m not at all like that…but try telling that to the other actors and crew waiting an hour for me to stroll onto the stage. I apologized over and over, not making excuses, just apologizing. This will not happen again, I assured them. So—Seanboy is going to be a little more responsible in the sleeping department. There’s just no other option.
Have I mentioned how much I love acting? It is something I always knew I could do, but my weight held me back. Not a bunch of lead roles for a 500-pound man. But now? Yeah---it’s all good. Unfortunately, I must limit my acting projects because of the time it requires. I need to treat my time budget like I do my calorie budget. Hmmm…
It turned out to be a good rehearsal despite my extended nappy time. I arrived home after 10pm, hungry and ready for a really late dinner. I grilled some chicken breast on the Foreman Grill and enjoyed some guacamole, just a little with my chicken. When I realized I still needed some calories, I had several cheese squares and crackers. It doesn’t take much of that to add a couple hundred calories.
I don’t like eating this late, but today---oh my, a day that started and ended like this? I’ll quietly lay my head on the pillow knowing that in the big scope of things, I did just fine. Not perfect, but if you’ve read this blog, you already know---I’m far from perfect. I’m just me---and being just me is working out pretty well.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…
Good Choices,
Sean
Lack of sleep is horrible. Congrats on the acting though. I am thinking about getting a Foreman grill. Which one would you recommend?
ReplyDelete"...my good choices must remain a constant without influence from the circumstances of the moment....Because it is just a moment..."
ReplyDeleteI don't always say it, but I appreciate you sooo much, and your honesty and sharing what you go through in this journey of change.
So many times what you say hits right where I am struggling, and it helps tremendously. Big thanks, Sean!
Loretta
=^..^=
Hey sean, awesome post.
ReplyDeleteI always wonder when I see people stagnating an d they say they are 'giving it their all'. Ineitably I will read about fudging with the calorie budget..OR find out they don't track or didn't track at all, but guesstimated.
The bad thing is, people read the blog and read "I can't seem to lose weight no matter how hard I try"...and then they think that weight loss is mystical and impossible and they give up before they ever get started.
It would be better if people were simply honest so as not to discourage others.
... "Because it's just a moment." So true!!
ReplyDeleteSome days, the cravings would be overwhelming, that if I didn't eat and eat and eat right then and there, I'd never make it. Now, I just look at the food and remind myself that it'll still be there later if I really want it or another treat will present itself or I just won't desire it after eating something healthy. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips, right? No more of that, thank you.
Thank you again for your daily dose of honest inspiration. We're not alone on this journey and that always makes a huge difference. :)
Sean,
ReplyDeleteI don't want to sound like a mother, but your busy schedule has always weighed heavy on my mind. I often think to myself "does he ever sleep?" I think I mentioned something about it along these lines in one of you blogs a few weeks back. Sleep is as vital to your health as anything else. You can't function properly without good rest, your body will eventually shut down.
Mine did, so I speak from experience. I was only a Jr. in high school, and Hi-Steppers back then was much more strict in that you had to make "weigh-in" every Friday morning before performing that night. I was watching my weight constantly, going to school, working and getting very little rest in between. At that age you feel indispensable.
One day I had eaten very little, it was 100 degrees outside, and I decided to walk from the high school to the hospital to see my older sister who had just had surgery. When I got up to her room, my mom and dad were there. I barely made it to her bed and I was gone. I lay in a fetal position, all my bodily functions shut down(not fun), emergency staff had to come to my sister's room and pry me apart to resuscitate me. They told me my heart had stopped but were miraculously able bring me back. When all was said and done, they said I would have been a victim of "sudden death" had I been anywhere else but the hospital that day.
My Dr. told me to slow down, stop pushing myself, eat right and get plenty of "rest." It scared me enough, I decided to take his advice. I can't imagine not being here today, and leaving novel replies to your blogs...lol. And to think something as little as pushing myself almost ended it all. In the 2 years I was a Hi-Stepper, I never missed a performance, but the risks I was taking in hitting the mark, just wern't worth it. I learned to set priorities from that experience, so some good came out of something bad as it usually does. I learned to pace myself.
Take care, God Bless, and Get Good Rest!
*weren't:)
ReplyDeleteI could do much better in the way of sleep too, and I know I should try to be at least a little better. I guess I'll do that. :)
ReplyDeleteKenz,
ReplyDeleteI am a night owl, but I always make sure I get enough rest, even if I have to nap in between all the madness.
You are as cute as a button! Enjoyed the pics Sean posted of his trip. Life is to be enjoyed. So happy Sean took those few days off to actually do something besides work:) He needs to do more of that for sure. Life is too short not to.
"Because believe me, I can and will do it all! Watch me!"
ReplyDeleteUh-uh, Sean. Try substituting the word "eat" for the word "do". We know where that got you.
One of the greatest things we must learn to do as responsible (a word you really stress, right?)adults is pace ourselves and realize that no, we are not Superman (or woman).
I know you feel you want to make up for many "lost" years, but let me be straight with you: don't try, because it's impossible. Even people at a healthy weight, with great numbers (BP, cholesterol, etc.) can do themselves serious harm by pushing harder than their bodies can take.
Stop and smell the roses a bit, Sean. That doesn't mean giving up a well-balanced lifestyle--that means embracing it.
Aren't I the "listen to your mother" type??
Best wishes, as always.
Wendy