My identity and self worth does not increase with weight loss and it doesn't decrease with weight gain. No matter what the scale says, I'm happy with who I am and what I'm about. And I am because I'm taking extraordinary care and my commitment will not waver. This was what I focused on this morning as I prepared for weigh day.
I was a little concerned going in especially after discovering the calorie burn discrepancy. I've been eating more intentionally because I sincerely thought I was burning more! It actually worked in my favor. All of those nights when I didn't get to my 1200 net after calories burned, I was actually making it there and beyond nearly every time. Considering I ignored this metabolism advice during my initial weight loss, opting to stay at 1500 calories per day regardless of my exercise and then I still hit my stated goal, made it even harder to open my mind enough to trust.
My goal is no longer a number. My perspective has changed dramatically. Now, my goal is to achieve a healthy weight, whatever that might be and along the way, take care of my body in ways foreign to my initial weight loss. My last weigh in was a 7 pound loss--so in my mind, I was fully prepared for a smaller loss. Considering the increased calories lately, I was preparing myself for consistency over speed. I was shocked when I stepped on the doctor's office scales today and found:
11 pounds down from last time! Actually, 11.2 from the 336.2 three weeks ago. I was stunned for a moment as I tried to remember my weight from last time. I was disoriented. I actually had to look for the last weigh day scale picture on my phone before confirming the statistics.
The doctor's office staff are really starting to get into this every three weeks. They were full of smiles and congrats today--and questions about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. It felt good.
It was mid-April when these same office staffers found me weighing my top regain weight of 394. I was incredibly miserable that day. Gaining back 164 pounds of a 275 pound weight loss was a hard thing to accept, even though we all know it could have been much worse. I could have gained it all back plus some, I mean really, that's usually how it works. And I was headed back there very quickly when I finally reached the point of enough. I remember being so relieved because I hadn't crossed back into the 400's.
I have a six month checkup appointment with my doctor on Monday and if his office staff hasn't told him about any of this progress, he's in for a big surprise.
Six months ago our appointment was about high blood pressure medicine, my sleep apnea and possibly considering some alternative methods of getting the weight off. I was a scared man in his office six months ago. Scared, disappointed, ashamed, guilty, sad and in some ways, "in hiding" from the person I wanted to be; the person I truly believed I was. Today, it goes without saying--I can't wait to see the doctor! I'm a very different person. And this difference has nothing to do with the 69 pound loss. I'm changed on so many other, much deeper levels.
I've lost 69 pounds in 16 weeks. I'm 95 pounds from my previous healthiest weight. I love that. But what I love even more is the truest and most profound self-love I've ever allowed. It's changed my life regardless of the number on the scale.
My plan was to do the spin and swim combo this evening, but when work duties called I cancelled the swimming. I strapped the heart monitor on before spinning class and ended with it registering a 437 calorie burn. This number is a little over half the 800 calories I thought I was burning . It's all good! I was able to stay just under my 1700 budget and still hit 1,245 net calories after calories burned. I love having an accurate number!
I couldn't be happier with my progress. It's very easy for me to conclude the weight gain was actually a blessing in disguise. Had I not gained so much of the weight I initially lost, I would have missed some critical elements I needed to learn. I'm open and willing to learning more and more.
My food tweets today:
Guac omelet (3 whole eggs) w/122grams avocado, onion, tomato & 15g light sr crm, red seedless grapes (205g). 575 cal. pic.twitter.com/wOUaYzRWSk
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 13, 2014
Weigh-Day Update: 11 more pounds released in last 3 weeks. Total: 69 pounds in last 16 weeks. #grateful #nevergiveup pic.twitter.com/cO2mIEEHFX
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 13, 2014
Spicy bean & cheese tostados with jalapeños, swiss and mozzarella. Cantaloupe (159g) #flavor #juicysweet 382 cal. pic.twitter.com/NeJI7PyhCU
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 13, 2014
Peanut Butter Sushi. Nat. pnt butter, 100% fruit strawberry, w/bananas on a thin La Tiara white corn shell. 316 cal. pic.twitter.com/Jvw9bpPbRv
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 13, 2014
Sirloin (4.5 oz), grilled asparagus with a touch of olive oil, steamed squash and zucchini. 295 cal. pic.twitter.com/dvVbyP5d61
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 14, 2014
.8 small green apple and Laughing Cow Light Creamy Swiss wedge. 99 calories. #lastfoodofday pic.twitter.com/gkSW3aPIlB
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 14, 2014
Thank you for reading and your continued support. Join us in the comments section for further discussions!
Strength,
Sean
You are in such a good place! This is what I aspire to do. Your food tweets are helpful as well. :)
ReplyDeleteIt feels very good. Coming out of where I was--it's a 180. I'm living proof a turnaround is possible. It's cliche, but it applies--If I can do it, I believe anyone can do it.
DeleteGlad the food Tweets help you! Sometimes nice to see a visual. Now when someone asks "What are you eating?" I can point them to the Twitter page for pictures and calorie counts of everything! Thank you!
Standing ovation for you, Sean!! My goodness, that's an average of over 4 pounds a week for the 16 weeks-- almost unheard of! And you are eating such healthy foods, too. SO SO SO proud of you!
ReplyDeleteInteresting how you lost more this last time when you've been trying to eat more in recent weeks!
Awe Becky--thank you! I feel extremely blessed to have this incredible response from my body. I was seriously worried I couldn't lose anymore.
DeleteI do realize this will slow dramatically and naturally, as it should-- In fact, by the time I get down to around 230 or wherever I deem "a healthy weight," I would imagine the average might be closer to 2-2.5 pounds a week.
It is contrary to my natural instincts and ingrained belief that we must eat less-move more to lose... That's true to a certain extent-- as long as we don't eat too little, because then our body will naturally react and it'll do whatever it can to hold onto our weight... The losses eventually would come regardless, but in a much slower--more frustrating way. Becky, your support is golden, thank you!
Woo hoo! Fantastic loss! I have been told that you really do have to eat to lose. Of course, with proper healthy choices. Your doctor is going to be happy with your results.
ReplyDeleteKatrin--I'm excited in anticipation of the visit with him! Thank you so much for your support! Eat to lose--absolutely!! ;)
DeleteCongrats Sean! It's so nice to see results and even though we are determined not to tie our self worth to a number, it does feel good lose, doesn't it? That's a dynamic that I can't quite wrap my head around. No matter how much I tell myself it's not about a number, in the end, I celebrate the number a lot. And, that's not a bad thing, just something I am working through.
ReplyDeleteYour dinner looks AMAZING...and pretty low in calories for that. That's what cutting out the carb every once in a while does. I would take a steak over a baked pot any day! :)
Again, so happy for you and your success. And you are not that number or that loss, but somehow it feels good to know you are progressing!
It does feel good, Divad. Staying grounded and holding on to the proper perspective is difficult whatever the scale says. It's a balance, for sure--and it takes some serious work. Staying aware and level headed and saying--okay, this was a good result--and it confirms what I'm doing is working, and then remembering that it may not be like this... and regardless--it's never a reflection of the core things that make me who I am--it's simply a reflection of where my body is at this moment in time. It's a very difficult perspective to adopt and practice. I'm working really hard on this perspective.
DeleteLoved the dinner. Asparagus is one of the few veggies I crave--like, really crave in a "I gotta get some asparagus this evening!" It's very unlike me!! Thank you again for your amazing support!
I can see why you love and crave some asparagus - it looks delicious! You say it is grilled - do you grill it on the George Forman? Also, you are inspiring me with all you are learning with losing the regain. I have regained 5 times, each time I lost I put it back on and gained more than I lost. Have started finding the triggers and other things contributing to gaining - so reading your blog each morning has helped me through each day. I am losing slower this time but I'm sure it will be permanent because I am treating myself well. THANK YOU SEAN!
DeleteHey, I hope you realize I was the blogger who told you that grilled asparagus was as addictive as candy way back when you were afraid to try it! :) I was just going by my real name then. ;)
DeleteNancy, you're so very welcome!! I'm truly honored that you're finding strength and moving forward in a positive way. I'm glad I can be a small part of that. :) Thank you so much for your incredible support. It's truly a blessing to me.
DeleteDivad-- That was you!!!! OMGoodness!! YES...I remember--and holy cow, you were so right!!! It is! Perfectly grilled asparagus, seasoned just right--still firm, hot and flavorful-- My favorite veggie. Your enthusiasm pushed me off the fence and into the produce isle! Thank you!
DeleteI love that opening line. I am pinning it to my vision board!
ReplyDeleteIt's sometimes a very difficult perspective to hold on to, but it's packed full of truth, I promise! Glad you liked that and honored it's going on your vision board!
Delete'Had I not gained so much of the weight I initially lost, I would have missed some critical elements I needed to learn.'
ReplyDeleteBingo! I have lost over 60 lbs., 3 times. It wasn't until this last time that I found the right science...and made it work, and now I'm 21 days away from my first year maintenance anniversary. Here's to hoping this is THE right time for you!
Gwen, that is so awesome--like music to my ears--1 year maintenance anniversary!!! YES! Congrats! This time is THE time! Thank you. I hope you've noticed--I added your blog to my blog roll along the left hand side. Great URL-- TheSunnyCoconut.com So awesome, Gwen!
Deletethanks SO much, Sean! I'm so excited to get to know you better! Have a great weekend! :)
Delete'twas fun to be your 'bookend buddy' on this one. Even having lost over 100 lbs and maintaining it for 21 years, I still need inspiration. You provide that for me, Sean. Glad we're buds.
ReplyDeleteGerri--Thank you for being there for me. The "bookend text" practice is a solid support tool. It works. The words of wisdom you gave me the weigh-in before last--when I was slightly disappointed, was golden. And Wednesday it was so much fun to be elated-- and even then, your support provided the perfect amount of leveling; grounding and perspective. Always looking up to you, my friend. I'm glad too!
DeleteWay to go Sean! Your doctor is sure to be as impressed as I am. Your clothes are probably becoming very loose on you these days. What a great feeling that must be. I'm excited and inspired. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you LTR!! I'm super excited about seeing the Doc. Yes indeed--the clothes are getting really big and loose--I've had to buy a couple sizes down recently because it was too much. A couple of people have commented lately about my needing for smaller clothes. Always a nice conversation. I don't want to spend too much though--you know? I always wait until i can't wait any longer. I'm thrifty like that.
DeleteYou're very welcome LTR!
Congrats Sean on the weigh-in! It's confirmation of what you already knew--you're headed in the right direction.
ReplyDeleteNikki--thank you so much. Your support is amazing. I can't wait for you to receive your order soon!
DeleteFeels amazing to have this wonderful momentum.