June 25th, 2014 It Wasn't Too Long Ago

June 25th, 2014 It Wasn't Too Long Ago

I spent most of the day with mom, taking her to an eye specialist appointment at the McGee Eye Institute in Oklahoma City. It was a wonderful experience as expected. We carefully packed "road lunches" before departing, each with a sandwich, cheese stick, three kinds of fruit and some wild rice chips. These served as both lunch and snacks along the way. It felt good to do the three P's: Plan, Prepare and Pack. I can't count the number of trips we've made over the years where the first stop was a convenience store for snacks or a fast food drive through on the way out of town. And if the trip involved going "to the big city," like today, then an elaborate plan to eat somewhere "special" was usually the main attraction. Would it be that big home style buffet on the South side or that Mexican all-you-can-eat place where whenever you want more food, you simply raise the flag? Yeah!! You don't even need to move from your seat!! Buffets where you actually have to get up and walk around? Forget that movement nonsense! Poncho's Mexican Buffet is full service, baby! I always thought they needed two flags on those tables, the miniature Mexican flag for more food and a white one for when one more bite could trigger a medical emergency.

As we drove past the Cracker Barrel, we joked about taking a detour and cutting loose on all things Cracker Barrel. We were clearly not serious. But not too long ago, I was very serious. I quickly turned the conversation straight when I shared with mom a secret I had kept for the last four or five months. I hadn't planned on telling anyone about this experience, ever. I just wanted to forget it and move forward. Driving past it today brought out humor at first, then the secret I kept. I decided to share a little of the story with mom today and I've decided to share that and the rest of the experience with you, in order to illustrate just how different things were not too long ago:

I don't remember the exact date, it was either February or March. I had just dropped a friend off at Will Rogers World Airport and was headed home when I suddenly felt compelled to take the Cracker Barrel exit. I had been obsessing about their gravy since the pass on the way to the airport and there I was, all alone with a chorus of demons steering me toward the exit. I didn't resist. I walked in and immediately scanned the area for people I might know. I didn't want to get caught. This trip would forever be between me and a server whom I didn't know, I thought. I ordered the chicken fried steak covered in sawmill gravy, with extra gravy and extra biscuits on the side. I finished the giant portions but I wasn't done. I ordered more biscuits and more gravy. I must admit, it was slightly embarrassing to ask for more. In order to do it, I had to pretend I was someone else--because how could I do this?? I kept telling myself, I'll never see this server again. She didn't know she had become the dealer for my addiction.

After finishing off at least six or seven biscuits and two bowls of gravy, not to mention the chicken fried steak, I decided to accept the dessert suggestion. Oh, she was good. Would I like some pie topped with ice cream?? "Oh I shouldn't, really." As if I was some kind of reasonable eater. "What the heck, let's do it. Sure."  I was so busy eating everything I had fantasized about, I barely noticed how sick I was feeling until I walked outside. That was a long, guilty, shameful walk to the vehicle. At one point I seriously thought I would throw up. It was too much food. I was miserable the rest of the night, physically, mentally and emotionally. If I felt hopeless before this food excursion, my feelings had just been confirmed. I was recklessly headed straight back to 500 pounds in a way that suggested my thoughts and actions were not my own, instead from some insatiable monster inside me.

The next day I vowed never again and I started doing well for a day or two, then it was right back to the Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Store drive through for what had quickly become a very secretive late night habit of shakes and burgers before bed.

When you read words I write about how grateful I am for the peace and calm I enjoy today, now you get a sense of how deep that gratitude flows.

I've enjoyed more than two months of binge free living, more than two months 97% sugar free, more than two months of making additional support a priority and more than two months of not hiding anything. Posting a picture and calorie count of every bite, every day might seem excessive, but I don't look at it like that at all. It's necessary for me. I've gone from worrying this practice might be a big hassle to fully embracing and loving the record it's creating. It only works with extreme honesty. I understand, the second I eat something without the photo and tweet in a deviously secretive way, that's the moment it will unravel quickly and tragically. In this state of acceptance, matched with willingness, a solid determination and iron-clad integrity, I'm experiencing something like never before. Not even during my initial weight loss did I feel this much peace. I'm worth the extra effort. Recovery feels good, life affirming, really--after feeling hopeless, lost and scared in the grips of a powerful relapse. I hereby pledge to protect my recovery with the tools and practices successfully used by the countless people before me who continue to this day, living a peace that once seemed impossible to attain.

Will there be struggles? Of course. And when struggle returns, it's up to me to immediately use the tools and practices of successful recovery in order to correct.  One day at a time.

Mom's appointment at the specialist was a good one. She has a macular pucker on the back of her right eye. It doesn't require surgery right now and it doesn't seem to be negatively affecting her vision too much right now. The doctor set her up for a 6 month return in order to track its progress. If the sight stays relatively stable, no surgery. If it worsens, they'll operate. Mom felt good about the trip and outcome. Going in, she was convinced he might want to operate on her eye immediately--and this scared her. I felt her relief when she realized this wasn't the case.

After both of us started falling asleep in the various waiting rooms we toured over the course of three hours, we decided a coffee was in order before the return trip to Stillwater.  Our visit wasn't focused on a "big city" restaurant visit, it was focused on quality time together--visiting, discussing--and laughing, then laughing some more and more.  Of course we planned a nice dinner out upon returning home at one of our favorite places.

We decided to share a single 1/2 order of chicken fajitas for dinner. Notice, of the handful of times I've eaten out in the last couple of months--fajitas, be it Hawaiian or simple chicken, have been the go-to order.  I like it because it feels easily manageable. I have a pretty easy Mexican restaurant strategy to follow: If I do the chips (and I did), I separate mine from the bowl--count out my serving and that's mine--no more...eat 'em slow or fast, when they're gone--that's it. I ask for corn tortillas instead of flour (saves anywhere from 25-50 calorie per tortilla) and I choose to pass on the calorie dense rice and beans. I can confidently get in and out of a restaurant with these fairly simple rules.  And it's not like I'm sitting there miserable the entire time because I'm not indulging in loads of chips and dips and sour cream enchiladas--My focus is shifted to the ones I'm sharing the meal with, in this case Mom...it's more an opportunity to relax and enjoy one another's company, rather than get stuffed.  For me, once this shifted perspective is embraced, it dramatically changes the dynamics.

I took mom home, grabbed my lunch supplies from earlier (she was excited about me leaving her some pitas and rice chips!) and headed for Boomer Lake on the North part of my hometown. I had an off day from exercise yesterday, so I wanted to make sure I had a good one tonight. I couldn't have made it back in time for the YMCA, so a good 5K walk was in order. And it was great.

Thank you for reading! You can follow along on Twitter by clicking www.twitter.com/seanaanderson and if you're on MyFitnessPal, friend me! My username is SeanAAnderson.

Strength,
Sean

Mother-Son Selfie right before my departure tonight

May 28th, 2014 Scheduling Passion and Joy

May 28th, 2014 Scheduling Passion and Joy

Finding a balance with time management has been a challenge for me. I remember having this same issue when I started this blog. The things I'm doing, the elements of my recovery are all important and each has their place, an importance. Realizing that the challenge isn't any of the elements, it's the time management of everything as a whole, is an important distinction.

Better quality of sleep is helping. Not getting enough sleep isn't helping. I understand that this will not change unless I make it a priority. I remember when I was in the middle of my initial weight loss and I decided it was a great idea and a wonderful time to pursue a lead role in a dramatic play. I had always wanted to act and with the new found confidence within me I won the role and had the time of my life. And I was still working full time, still exercising consistently, still writing nightly...and all while committing to a six week/5 day a week rehearsal schedule. How did I do that?? I honestly don't remember. I think it had a lot to do with how much passion was involved and how much joy it brought me. It was truly a dream come true and I was living it so wonderfully, that perhaps the adjustments needed in the schedule just effortlessly conformed.

I'm once again experiencing a considerable amount of passion and joy, but I wouldn't say the schedule is effortlessly conforming. Adjusting will take deliberate actions; choices best suited for doing what I love while maintaining and taking care in other areas of my life. This is one of the issues near the top of my priority list, right up there with the key elements involved in taking the best care.

Three different people in the last few days have commented on my weight loss. All three have said the exact same thing, "I can really tell in your face." Isn't that always the first place people notice? I think that's simply because it's where people are focused the most. We look at each others faces more than anything else.  I'm excited because not only can I see it in my face, I can see it in other areas too---and most importantly, I can feel it all over.  

It's interesting: The thought of taking pictures of all of my food and sharing it via social media was once something I was absolutely against. I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want anyone to feel like I was saying, this is what you should eat (because that ISN'T what it's about at all), and let's be honest--I didn't want the accountability. <<< That. That was the biggie.

What I had been doing was a product of my inconsistency and struggle. I've written about having a few good days followed by four bad and another two good and so on---and during the good times I might enjoy preparing a fabulous meal--a meal so wonderfully suited for me--calorie wise, taste wise and everything wise...so I would take a picture and post it to my facebook page. But it wasn't indicative of anything other than that one meal...because the next day I might be eating God only knows what--and where's the picture of that?  Nobody wants to see my fried catfish (not a bad calorie value, really) and three hundred calories worth of tarter sauce (horrible calorie value, really). The point is, if it's accountability I wanted and honesty--then I needed to go all or nothing. And in doing so for all the right reasons, I've found my initial objections have all faded away.

I'm loving it. I mean--like, looking forward to it-kind of loving it. Not one person has expressed judgement of any kind in any way. I've clarified my objective several times--It's a tool for me. Having this accountability tool in place inspires me to eat better, to slow down and enjoy not only eating my food, but preparing it. And in this, it's inspiring me to take better care. I still eat what I like and nothing I don't. Trust me--if I don't like it, I'm not eating it. It doesn't mean I'm not open to trying new things--it simply means if I try it and hate it--it'll not be back, ever.  You're welcome to follow the live-tweeting of food and exercise on my Twitter page by clicking here.

I had two workouts today. I didn't officially count the first, but it still counts because I'm a little sore from the experience. I helped a friend clean up his private dock at the lake this afternoon. I was balancing on loose rocks, climbing insane angles up and down a ramp affected by seriously low water levels and bending over, over and over while picking up debris. I was stretching and even dancing.  Well, I wasn't intentionally dancing. A couple of times I was doing what might have appeared to be a dance while I dodged red hornets--and at one point I stepped on a board and out shot a big snake. This thing was at least a few feet long. I don't know what kind it was, maybe a blue racer? All I know is, when he shot out from under the board and into the water, I was dancing a nice fade away in the other direction. The other workout was a good 1.7 mile walk in the park this evening.

I plan on another YMCA visit tomorrow.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

I'm Worthy Of More

I'm Worthy Of More

I'd be grossly misrepresenting if I pretended this week has been a cakewalk. Poor choice of words. It has been very difficult to maintain balance. I've stayed within my calorie budget. On the surface that's a wonderful thing indeed.  Below the surface, I've fought very hard to keep the calorie budget intact. Call it steel curtain zone or whatever you want, it's been a battle. But why?

Stress triggers reactions and for someone like me, those reactions are hard wired and often circumvent the rational part of the brain, the frontal cortex. This dynamic is addiction, pure and simple. I've watched some incredible documentaries on the subject, the best being "Pleasures Unwoven." 

The only way I've been able to survive is through prayer, meditation and reaching out to friends in moments of weakness. I've been staying "visible," instead of isolating. It's amazing how something as quick and simple as sending a tweet, sending a text or responding to an email or facebook message, empowers me, brings me back around and gives me strength. And hope. Because there's plenty of hope. And that's an important thing to hold tight, especially in the face of stress.

So what to do? I mean really, stress is a part of life, right? Yes, it is. The question is, can I face the stress and handle it in ways that work to alleviate the stress? In other words, deal with issues head on? Yes. Yes I can.

My recovery is very important to me. It's much more important to me than it was during the initial weight loss. Why?  Because I understand it better now.  I understand me on  a level much deeper than before. And this understanding is met with a greater respect.

Suddenly, my goal isn't a number, or a particular size of jeans, or anything external. Sure, some of these will be visible milestones.  And I'll be sharing those along the way.  But I'll always, forever-more keep my eye on a higher definition of success.  My truest and most important goal is raising my level of self-care and self-love to where it needs to be for optimal living.  Having compassion for myself is the biggest component in this quest. No longer is self-loathing and internally abusive thoughts okay. I'm worthy of more than I've given myself.  Let me say that again:

I'm Worthy Of More Than I've Given Myself.

I understand that many of the stresses in my life were created by me and then made worse by my attitude and perspective toward them.  And that's okay. Isn't that interesting? It is to me. When I dissect particularly stressful elements of my life, I can clearly identify how they were created, when they were created and I can honestly evaluate how I've reacted to them. This is a breakthrough for me. And this isn't another chance for me to be harsh on myself, not at all--quite the contrary, in fact. If I can clearly identify the stress I've created, then I can change my attitude and perspective toward it and alleviate its power.  I can face these things head on and armed with a new attitude, I can manage them one by one.  And you know what that means?

Less stress equals less struggle.  Alleviating some stress might require simplifying certain things and that's a good thing. Simple is good. I like simplicity.

The other day when I chose the meatball sub full of fat and sugar, I knew it wasn't the best choice. I counted it and moved on. I didn't beat myself up for the choice. I did however, acknowledge it and evaluate the choice.

One of the things that's helping me stay on track is my food planning.  I do not, under any circumstances,miss breakfast. Well--except tomorrow and I'll explain in a minute.  I start each day with a good breakfast full of protein and one that taste good.  Typically, it's a combination of whole eggs and egg whites, with veggies and low fat-part skim mozzarella cheese on a Joseph's Pita.  If I want more, I add some yogurt or fruit. I keep posting similar breakfast photos on twitter and lately with the resolution to switch it up some--- maybe some oatmeal with fruit every now and then. While I'm preparing breakfast I'm also preparing snack baggies of fruit.  I'll include some string cheese too. And sometimes, not always, but sometimes a lunch of some sort.  I've been coming home often in the middle of the day to nap before going back to work for the "second half." I'll normally have time to work out lunch during this time. I've been doing this because of my sleep condition.  Not feeling rested is an enormous issue.  I return for another sleep study on the 14th.

Tomorrow morning I'm fasting for blood work. I can have water and surprisingly, black coffee. I'll take it! When the nurse said "Nothing except water and if you're a coffee drinker, black." I was shocked. I'd always heard just a sip or two of water was best. But I'm not arguing with the professionals. I'm happy to have coffee in the morning. It'll be very different not eating breakfast early.

My regular doctors visit will be the 11th.  I'll get the blood work results and weigh in at that visit.

I'm keeping active on Facebook (facebook.com/seananderson505), Twitter (@SeanAAnderson ) and My Fitness Pal SeanAAnderson. If we haven't already, I'd love to connect with you on any of those social media platforms.

Thank you for reading,
Goodnight and,
Strength,
Sean

The Sleep Issue

The Sleep Issue

One of the major challenges I experienced after hitting goal in November 2010 was a horrible return of my sleep apnea.  It was something I honestly thought was gone forever because after the first 100 pounds lost, it virtually disappeared. Suddenly I could sleep, breathe and feel fully rested without a cpap machine and I rejoiced! But then it came back somewhere around the 200 pounds lost mark.  I've since discussed this with sleep lab technicians and a doctor who all confirmed this was a common occurrence.  I quickly reinstated the use of my cpap when the symptoms started happening again. But this time it wasn't working like it did before.  I was still exhausted everyday.  A month after hitting 230 pounds, I underwent the first of two sleep studies over a two month period. The final diagnosis was sleep apnea and central apnea.  Things had changed dramatically. I had never heard of central apnea.

So I quickly googled it: "Central sleep apnea occurs because your brain doesn't send proper signals to the muscles that control your breathing. This condition is different from obstructive sleep apnea, in which you can't breathe normally because of upper airway obstruction. Central sleep apnea is less common than obstructive sleep apnea. Central sleep apnea may occur as a result of other conditions, such as heart failure and stroke. Sleeping at a high altitude also may cause central sleep apnea." 

I had both. Obstructive and this less common, brain doesn't work central version. The treatment involved a different type of machine. I started using this new machine and I was still tired. It wasn't easy to get comfortable with this bipap at all. My body would fight it most of the time and most nights the mask would end up off by morning. Sleeping without it seemed the better alternative.  I stayed active during this time, continued eating within a reasonable budget and exercising. I successfully maintained the 275 pound loss for a year and a half. And I rarely made it through a full night on the bipap. I made it a habit to nap almost everyday in an effort to make up for the lost sleep.  Honestly, it didn't make too much sense trying to make up for bad sleep with more bad sleep, but as it became worse, I became desperate.  

Eventually I forced myself to use the bipap machine and soon I was making it through the night. It wasn't ever effective, at least not to the "night and day" degree of my previous cpap experience.  As my sleep became worse, I became more and more depressed, less inclined to exercise and basically lethargic. This wasn't how being at a healthy weight was supposed to feel!  Instead of being proactive and speaking up, I took a negative approach--citing the expense and trouble of possibly needing another sleep lab to help fix whatever was wrong this time. Instead of figuring out a way to do what was medically necessary for me to take better care of myself, I fell into a pattern of bad sleep, nap in the middle of the day, followed by bad sleep again the next night.  During this time I started regaining at a steady rate.

I'm not offering this as an excuse of any sort. It was/is a circumstance and my attitude and reaction to it wasn't the best course for me.  And this wasn't the only circumstance contributing, there were relationship issues and a few other things contributing to this depressive cycle.  Depression breeds things to be depressed about, you know what I mean?

But this post isn't about the why of where I am. This post is about me being proactive and taking better care of myself now, today.  

The apnea has worsened recently.  At the same time I've declared to take better care by maintaining a balance with food and exercise, writing more and getting a handle once again, I've been exhausted worse than ever. Despite this, I'm thrilled to report that reclaiming this balance has brought me tremendous support and strength and I'm doing wonderfully with food. Exercise has been another story. But in the name of compassion for me, I'm okay with a lighter exercise schedule for now. I clearly must get this sleep issue treated immediately because untreated, it's making everything ten times harder, not to mention what it's doing to my metabolism. Tuesday morning I drove to work feeling unfit to drive. I somehow made it through my radio show but not without a few slurred words here and there and what might have sounded like a slight intoxication. I was sent home immediately after a 9:30am meeting and told to get some sleep. But isn't that the most frustrating thing? That's all I want to do! But I can't. I called the doctor as soon as I got home and I must have impressed an urgency on the nurse because the doctor called me directly a short time later. I expressed to him how horrible things had become and asked for an emergency sleep study or a fast track appointment, something---anything...I just need relief.

Yesterday afternoon the nurse called back and had me an appointment for a sleep study that night in Stillwater. Talk about an answer to a prayer!

I was asked about my previous sleep lab studies during my intake. I mentioned the sleep apnea and central apnea diagnosis.  The technician stopped me and asked, "Did you have some kind of brain trauma?" No, I haven't had any kind of brain trauma that I know of in my past...and she said "Usually central starts as a result of trauma."  Hmmmm. Okay.  She continued hooking me up to all kinds of sensors and the sleep study started.

It was purely diagnostic, meaning I slept without a machine of any kind. And when I woke, I found out something very interesting.

The sleep technician monitoring me all night said she couldn't say too much, because the official reading would come from the doctor, but she wanted me to know that there wasn't any occurrence of central apnea. Not one. All night.

Which leads me to believe I was possibly misdiagnosed during the sleep labs from three years ago. This would explain why I never adapted to or benefited from the medical device prescribed to correct the issue. This explains so much!  Perhaps now I can get back to a regular cpap machine and finally find some rest. 

This is all a part of taking better care of me. This is what it's all about. 

As far as what I'm doing with food and exercise: I'm staying within a 1700 calorie budget. I've only walked a few times in the last week and a half.  When I say "My food has been good," what I mean is, I've been within my budget and I haven't binged.  I look forward to increasing my exercise and getting back some stamina. My goodness how quickly it goes! One mile and I'm hurting and out of breath!! I was doing 5 and 10 K's without too much difficulty--and now a mile is tough! But that's OKAY! :) Really--it is. And I know how quickly it returns with consistency.  

Given the circumstances, I'm proud of where I am.  I'm back and it feels good. And I'm doing a fabulous job of being compassionate toward me... And considering I didn't really know what that meant at one point, I'm figuring it out and it's a much better way of being.

I found some Joseph's 60 calorie pita's during my most recent shopping trip so needless to say it's been a regular feature of breakfast for me and even lunch as you'll see in the photo below.  I've also included a picture of Noah and me playing with the camera phone. Noah is my 6 month old grandson! I'm a 42 year old gramps, can you believe it?

Looking forward to the road ahead! Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean


Recent lunch: Chicken and Cheese Pita Pizzas with a side of watermelon! It was a little too much actually, checking in at 574 calories. I was full 3/4 of the way.


The highlight of 2013, for sure: My grandson Noah Riley was born July 6th, 2013 to my daughter Courtney.  In this photo, Noah is constantly fascinated by the phone.  He really wants to drool all over my phone! Total accident that the inspirational message on the wall behind was "photo bombing" us. It reads: "It's never too late to live happily ever after." Very nice.

Day 1,253 Really-It's Not About The Food: A Blog Post All About Food

Day 1,253

Really-It's Not About The Food: A Blog Post All About Food

It's completely natural for some to inquire of me about the food I eat. I've said countless times, "it's not about the food" and it isn't. The successful formula for me involved shifting a major portion of my focus from the food and exercise and squarely on me and my behaviors, compulsions, and downright abuse of food--and as a result, myself.

I knew I needed better eating habits. I knew I needed to make better choices. But had I decided to make all of those changes on Day 1, the natural evolution of good choices wouldn't have occurred.

Instead, I would have been struggling from the start, trying to be something I wasn't: A responsible eater who doesn't try to medicate and comfort emotions with food. A person who eats normal portions at appropriate times for acceptable reasons (Because I'm hungry and it's time to eat).

My focus was 80% on the mental dynamics and 20% on the food and exercise. This was an important ratio and difference maker. Taming and training me to be my own best friend instead of my own worst enemy meant getting tough with myself in regards to excuses and rationalizations for bad choices. My Calorie Bank and Trust required me to eat everyday within the bounds of my budget. The focus wasn't on what made up those calories, it was all about keeping myself honest in my calories "spent." The CB&T couldn't do its job without rigorous self-honesty about my consumption.

What happened along the way wasn't premeditated. I truly stumbled onto a dynamic that turned into a powerful blessing I would eventually recognize, analyze, and understand. In an effort to get the most value for my calories available--I had to make better choices along the way. My approach with food became fun. As I would find lower calorie ways to enjoy the foods I loved, I also discovered wonderful choices I wouldn't have considered trying, ever.

And so began this gradual evolution of good choices. My eating habits today are worlds apart from where they were on Day 1. And the most important thing to consider is this: The choices I made and make, work for me--based on what I know about me.

You see--The greatest education we gain along this road isn't really about food and different exercises. That stuff is awesome knowledge to pick up as we go--But the most important--the critical elements involve learning about ourselves. What can we eat? Are we diabetic or allergic to gluten? And what about the very real physiological reactions certain foods create within us? Yes, oh yes---I'm talking about (cue the ominous music), trigger foods.

What I've learned and continue learning about me and food is exclusive to me. You must learn what you can and can't allow within your own limits. And if you do this self-study, while focusing on the mental dynamics keeping you consistent in your journey, then you too will develop an amazing understanding unlike any previous weight loss attempt.

Do I have trigger foods? Of course!!! We all do, don't we? I've learned of a list, exclusive to me--and it's a developing list, and I'm ready to add to it at anytime. This is what I know about my trigger foods:

A jar of peanut butter requires an enormous struggle within me to keep from eating hundreds of calories worth of its creamy delicious goodness. I don't buy it for me. And if a jar is in my house, I'm aware of where it is at all times--and I know, if I want to lose control--All I need to do is grab a spoon and unscrew the cap. The only way I can safely enjoy peanut butter is in a pre-portioned single serve package.

I refuse to ever allow a large carton of ice cream in my freezer. Could my resolve to be a normal portion-responsible eater really be strong enough to dip out a serving into a bowl--put the carton back in the freezer--and enjoy a serving of this amazing stuff? Probably. But I'm not taking any chances. Once the spoon digs in--with this stuff, I temporarily go insane. I would certainly snap back only after the damage was done. And the least of the damage would be physical--in fact, I likely wouldn't notice a physical difference from one single ice cream meltdown--But oh my--the mental damage is too much. I can't trust myself around it, so I don't allow it, period. I do enjoy single serving Skinny Cow products from time to time--and I'm still a big proponent of the low-fat vanilla soft serve cone and the junior size low fat frozen yogurt twist on a cake cone at my local ice cream and dairy store. But these are the limits I must set and strictly abide--for me. Because I know me very well.

Cottage cheese. Oh my--I love this stuff. I occasionally buy a carton and I occasionally eat too much of it. I once (in the last six months) consumed over 500 calories worth in one sitting. I think that was the last time I bought a carton. For me--it's best I enjoy a small serving included with my meal in a controlled setting.

Do I have other trigger foods? Yep--I'm sure...And again, I'm always learning about what I can and can't do with regards to food.

My main point to this: My choices can't be anyone's but mine. When someone request a menu from me or mentions simply eating exactly what I did along the way--I try to nicely relate this truth.

If what is wanted is a temporary solution to our weight and food issues--then, perfect--I'll send over 1500 calorie menus right away (not really)...But if we want true and lasting change--not found overnight, but developed in a very natural way over time--with our unique requirements and limitations considered, then we don't need a special menu plan--we simply need to take the time to get to know ourselves better.

Remember--"Good Choices" doesn't mean perfect choices. "Good Choices" evolve in the direction of your effort and attention, slow and steady---and then one day you look back and realize---Your habits and behaviors with food have dramatically changed in the most natural and least struggling kind of way. And they did--because you allowed it to happen naturally over time with what's right and good for you. And these changes are now, so rock solid--It feels almost impossible to ever go back. In fact, it is possible to relapse, of course--as it is with any addiction. But these changes in mentality can be so strong that, the old way of using and abusing food in a reckless self-destructive manner seems as foreign as not breathing. And why are they so strong? Like a craftsman who builds an amazing piece one painstaking move at a time to assure quality craftsmanship in his work--these changes you're making have been and continue to be, just as important. It's this kind of attention making your transformation deep and very special, one of a kind.

You're a craftsman of the you you've always dreamed. Take great pride in your work. You deserve it, my friend.

The following is a bunch of pictures of food I've recently enjoyed. Again--it's not about the food. I offer these pictures as a way to compare what's possible along this road. Just as we look at "before" pictures and appreciate the contrast from today--these "in progress" food pictures represent a giant contrast from the many full plates of the days leading up to today and a sharper contrast from my morbidly obese five hundred pound past.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


A typical weekend breakfast these days. When I have a little more time to prepare--scrambled eggs (with some whole eggs and egg whites used), turkey bacon, some red potatoes, and a 45 calorie slice of wheat toast. Comes in at right around 350 calories.



If I'm allowing a little more calories for breakfast, like I occasionally do on weekends--I'll sometimes make something like this--A cheese and turkey bacon egg white omelet with mushrooms. Even with the added cheeses (three kinds), the calorie count of this amazing omelet (thanks to the egg whites) is only 275 calories.



These egg white low calorie pita "breakfast tacos" are amazing. And for me--very convenient when I'm in a rush to get to the studio. And best of all--they're adjustable. If I want one for 125 calories--I can do it with three egg whites, some mushrooms, and a 60 calorie Joseph's pita. If I want to bulk it up like the top picture here--I can do four egg whites and add a 50 calorie slice of mozzarella. Even "bulked up," we're still talking just under 200 calories. The filling protein of this breakfast creation keeps me full the entire morning.




Having several snacks ready to go for later in the day is a habit I've developed over the course of my transformation. These pictures represent staples for me: Baby carrots, apple slices, bananas, yogurt--and yes, the occasional--but rare serving of baked nacho cheese Doritos...Oh my--they're so tasty.


One of the biggest changes in my natural food selection is my acceptance and willingness to try vegetables I spent a lifetime avoiding for no good reason--other than, they weren't pizza and cheeseburgers. This loaded grill--full of veggie kabobs was amazing. And the calorie count was astonishingly low!! If you consumed every veggie pictured on this grill--You would have a hard time exceeding 200 calories. That's cool.



Did somebody say PIZZA!!! Oh yes---I've been occasionally enjoying these pizzas made with Joseph's Pitas all along this transformation road. I love pizza. Let me say that again: I LOVE PIZZA...and this low calorie alternative is delicious and well within the bounds of any calorie budget. And like everything else--completely adjustable to my liking and calorie budget limitations. Pictured here is dinner one night--Kelly reminded me I hadn't made her one of my signature pita pizzas--so I did...I made her two and me two. And using veggies and one 50 calorie slice of mozzarella on each, the plate with the pieces all cut up---checks in at 275 calories TOTAL. I occasional dine out on pizza---when I do, I simply insist on thin crust for me and I stick to veggie toppings. This strategy is still more calories than making them at home--but it works for me in the situation. Funny thing is: Even at my heaviest, my favorite pizza out was thin crust-veggie.


This is two ounces of whole wheat pasta and a single serving of sauce. It looks like a bunch--and it was a bunch---and still amazingly under 300 calories.


A serving is two ounces. This was the weighed portion for the two of us recently.



This is Olive Garden. I recently made a business trip to Tulsa with Kelly where we dined reasonably and responsibly. The trick here is asking for the Garden Fare Menu. You must ask for it--and they'll bring you the calorie count for almost everything. This beautiful pasta dish is 310 calories. It was the lunch portion of Linguini Ala Marinara. The stuffed mushrooms were 280 for the whole order--140 each. And the famous Olive Garden Breadsticks? Not pictured, but I had a half of one for 75 calories. (I think it's very interesting that an Olive Garden Breadstick and a Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuit both have the same calorie count--150.) I also enjoyed a few croutons (50 calories) picked from the salad and some minestrone soup (100 calories). By the way--if you're allergic to gluten--they have gluten free selection on the garden fare menu!!


I love beef tacos. I found these amazing little taco shells for 35 calories each. They're made with white corn from La Tiara. They're gluten free, only 4 carbs, and 35 calories each. With the meat lettuce, cheese and olives---we're talking an entire taco for about 100 calorie a piece. I can handle that! And they're so incredibly delicious!!


Kelly prepared this amazing meal recently for me, mom, Courtney, and Bradley. It's the most incredible Turkey meatloaf with roasted red potatoes and asparagus---all cooked outside on the grill!


One of my favorite things is chicken pot pie. I've largely stayed away out of concern for poor calorie values. Kelly understood my concerns and prepared a wonderful, filling, and delicious pot pie that wasn't loaded with extra calories. The potatoes and crust were the most (and still not too bad at all)--but the veggie filling and "sauce" (97% fat free cream of chicken soup) made it absolutely enjoyable in a portioned way!


Surf and Turf! Shrimp is an amazing calorie value!!!! This is a serving and a half of shrimp for a measly 52.5 calories. The top sirloin was one steak--prepared and cut into 4 ounce portions for 220 calories. I added another ounce to my plate, as you can see. With the half a small baked potato--and the grill roasted veggies---this entire dinner still came in at right about 450 calories!!! And since there was only one steak to buy (splitting!)--it's cheaper than the occasional steak dinner treats of the past--where I probably would have put away 16 ounces, easy. I enjoyed this plate immensely and felt amazing about it and myself, afterward.


Dessert. This is my favorite. Fresh strawberries over a sugar-free angel food cake with a serving (or two) of Redi-Whip real whipped cream. This is deceivingly low in calories....It looks like a couple hundred or more---But the entire thing sits at a wonderful 100 calories. That's amazing and delicious and FUN!

I hope you've enjoyed the tour of recent food selections around here. And I wish you the best in your quest for your very own gradual evolution of good choices. Yours based on your likes, dislikes, required restrictions, possible allergies, trigger foods, and anything else you must learn about you and your relationship with food. Because we're all very different. And we all have the power to choose change, regardless of those differences.

I hope you'll friend me on my personal facebook page: www.facebook.com/seananderson505
And also on the facebook page for my book: www.facebook.com/transformationroad

If you haven't bought your copy of Transformation Road-My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back--I would love to personally sign and ship your copy! You can by yours on my website:
www.transformationroad.com
The book is also available wherever books are sold (if not in stock--they can order it for you) and at amazon.com You'll find it available for Kindle, Nook, Sony Ereaders, KOBO, and iPad iBooks.

Plus--coming soon---Transformation Road--The audio version!!! I'm thrilled to be voicing the audio version---and I must admit--It's a bunch more work than I imagined. I can't wait to finish it!!!