I'm feeling wonderful these days. I can see and feel my body getting smaller, the bigger emotional and mental dynamics seem to be in their most wonderful place, ever, in my life. As Life Coach Gerri put it, "You're firing on all cylinders, huh buddy?" I am and it feels amazing. Still, no binges and no urges to binge. As each day passes and becomes another in this string of consistency, I'm more convinced than ever that the elimination of sugar from my daily intake has made a profound difference.
I was inspired to create and accept a challenge during last night's support group conference call. I've committed to go swimming at the YMCA sometime between now and Tuesday. I love swimming. It's one of the best exercises too, but I don't do it because I have body issue hangups.
Isn't that something? I've experienced the greatest emotional freedom of my entire life since May 15th's "epiphany day," and still--STILL, I have an emotionally paralyzing time allowing myself to put on a pair of shorts and enjoy a swim. What do I fear?
This isn't even about my weight gain and the fact that I'm roughly 100 pounds heavier at this moment than I was at my healthiest weight. It's not about that at all. How can I be certain? Because even at a trim 230, I wouldn't do it. The only swimming I did back then was at a friend's private dock with family and even that was tough. This hangup goes all the way back to my childhood and the teasing I received. It's as if my brain is conditioned to expect a throng of people waiting at the pool ready to laugh and make fun of me as soon as I walk out of the locker room. We both know this is all in my head. But it holds power over me none the less. It does because I allow it.
It will take every ounce of bravery in me to get over this and enjoy a workout in the pool sometime over the next few days. I'm going to do it. I'm going to feel the freedom and I'm going to reveal the truth behind the hangups I've protected my entire life. It's fear mixed with imagination, seasoned with experiences from long ago. I'm not twelve years old anymore. I'm an adult--a smart, talented, funny and compassionate man. I have confidence in those things. I have none in other things. That's about to change.
Spinning class was wonderful tonight. The instructor used my music. Kind of strange, simply because I'm usually the only one hearing it and now this class knows exactly what I groove to when I'm doing other things at the YMCA. It was cool seeing how others were obviously appreciating the mix of mostly 80's pop. The two songs I wanted to play during the class never came up in the shuffled playlist: Imagine Dragons "Radioactive" and Walk Off The Earth's "R.E.V.O."--both would be great spinning songs!
I've actually gone over my calorie budget intentionally today. In an effort to hit 1200 net calories (calories after burned exercise calories.) I closed my calorie bank at 1,930. Since I burned 800 calories during spin class, I needed to hit at least 2,000 today. I came up short by 70 calories. Progress, not perfection! It's very difficult to break the mind of the eat less-lose more way of thinking. I understand why it's important to add some fuel on high workout days but It doesn't automatically override the branded way of thinking. I never changed my calorie budget from 1500 during my initial 275 pound weight loss. This fact is likely why I lost the first 200 in ten months and spent the next sixteen months losing the last 75 pounds.
I must trust the process. I must give my body what it needs in order to work as efficiently as possible. I'm learning as I go. I can make adjustments later if needed.
My meal tweets today:
Cheese omelet w/3 egg whites-1 whole, slice of Swiss & mozzarella, fresh-juicy peach & gala apple. #bigbreakfast 397C pic.twitter.com/XPSKQxZqZ3
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 30, 2014
Romaine wraps w/turkey, muenster & provolone, mustard, Laughing Cow light wedge, apple, watermelon (169g). 464 cal. pic.twitter.com/HpGf7H9hAd
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 30, 2014
A record: Most green things on my plate. Sirloin (6oz), asparagus, avocado (85g), .5 srv rice chips. 624 cal. pic.twitter.com/8XaBw5hXtK
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 31, 2014
Two scrambled eggs topped with Swiss. 210 cal. #lastfoodofday Trying to bump up my calories. Still short of 1200 net. pic.twitter.com/0OLHRCnIjN
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 31, 2014
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
