Tuesday, July 15, 2014

July 15th, 2014 Not So Impossible After All

July 15th, 2014 Not So Impossible After All

Embracing a flipped perspective like I did yesterday made today even better. Everything seemed to go as planned, even the not so desirable things, like needing four, yes--four new tires and a four wheel alignment, didn't seem to be as bad as they should have been. My grateful perspective overpowered whatever negative I could have pulled from the circumstances.

My food has been wonderful today. I utilized the Three P's, planning, preparing and packing my way to another successful food day. The most wonderful thing about this is, it's not a chore--it's a pleasure. I'm honoring me by taking extraordinary care. I'm taking pride in my commitment to good choices. And something interesting--I'm making it a source of fun and creativity. When I whip up something in the kitchen, I'm often relying on my creativity. I've never been one to use recipes. Sometimes it fails horribly (remember my attempt to "bake and fake" fried mushrooms a couple of months ago?) but most times it turns out to be something I take great pride and care in creating and enjoying.

I've always been a fast eater. I read a study once about food addicts and one of the findings was how most food addicts in the cycle of active addiction eat really fast. Yes, that was me--and has been me for years. Even when there wasn't a reason to hurry, I would often be the first one finished. This hurried eating, as if the food would be taken away if not consumed quickly, continued even as I started losing weight and eating within a set calorie budget. I've slowed down considerably since I started logging everything in MyFitnessPal, taking a photo and composing a meal description and calorie count Tweet in 140 characters or less (that takes some talent sometimes). Slowing down has allowed me to enjoy the process and experience. I no longer dread cooking something that takes a little more time to prepare. I'm not hurried when it comes to food preparation. I've chosen a different attitude: I'm creating something wonderful, especially for me. Because I'm worth the effort. 

Today was the day I've been talking about: The day I made my triumphant return to the spin studio. Okay--you know what? Let's not use the term triumphant. Yeah-- I mean, it was good, don't get me wrong--but it was tough, very tough. I weigh at least 50 pounds more than when I started spin class during my initial weight loss and slightly more than a hundred pounds heavier than when I rocked the spin class at my healthiest and lowest weight. I knew getting back in there would be a challenge and it was, but not too much. It proved to me that I can do it, even at this higher weight. My backside didn't seem to mind the tiny seat, as if it had muscle memory from all of the spin classes I did back in the day. It wasn't an issue like it seemed to be when I initially started spinning some four years ago. It was an intense workout, as expected--easily the best workout I've experienced lately. Today's class was an intense 30 minutes. Tomorrow afternoon's class will be an hour, but perhaps less intense. The spin class schedule only works for me on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. That's the plan. Spin class three times a week and elliptical other days. At least this works for me right now. I'll revisit this plan often and make modifications along the way. I have a giant strength training machine in my spare bedroom and I must get in there and see what it's all about. All in time, all in time.

Life Coach Gerri Helms and I had a wonderful weight loss support group conference call tonight. Occasionally (actually quite often) Gerri challenges me to think long and hard about certain elements I would like to enhance along this road. The biggest thing standing out for me at this point is time management and getting enough sleep. I mentioned how I struggled with getting enough sleep. That's when she challenged me to re-frame this point. How could I turn struggle into harmony? There was a little silence on the line as I contemplated the challenge. Then, suddenly it occurred to me--the solution to bring my actions into harmonious existence with my truest desires. The answer was: Instead of focusing on trying to solve the bigger issue of getting to bed earlier, I needed to focus on the smaller choices I make leading up to my evening. What can I do differently to position myself in a way that is helpful to attaining this goal? I can make sure I get my workouts in earlier, prepare dinner earlier--not wait until late to write this blog, after all--sometimes inspiration happens in the middle of the day, why not seize the moments I can to start a post, instead of book marking the thoughts for a late night writing session? The struggle doesn't need to be focused on "how do I get to bed earlier?" My focus should be "What small, positive steps can I take earlier in the day that will ultimately make getting to bed at a reasonable time easier?" If you think about it, isn't this the way we accomplish all seemingly impossible things? Suddenly we discover they're not so impossible after all.

There will be late nights again, I'm sure. Weekends and unexpected late night work related duties happen from time to time. But most of the time they don't. I must seize most of the time.

I received my total non-fasting cholesterol reading in the mail today. It's one of the many benefits of being a regular blood donor. The picture tweet is below after today's meal Tweets:








Both my blood pressure and total non-fasting cholesterol was categorized as "desirable" according to the Oklahoma Blood Institute. Yes, indeed. I couldn't be happier with these numbers.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, July 14, 2014

July 14th, 2014 Not Exactly What I Planned

July 14th, 2014 Not Exactly What I Planned

I'm usually well prepared. I woke up this morning to not a single egg in the fridge. I enjoy starting my day with eggs of some kind and fruit. My breakfasts are nearly the same most mornings, with slight variations. If it's an omelet, what's inside might change. The eggs seem to keep me satisfied longer. My back up plan this morning was steel cut oats with diced apple and cinnamon. It was good, but not exactly what I planned. And that seemed to be the theme of the day.

It was mid-morning when I realized I was out of lunch items in the employee fridge, so I ran home and prepared a good lunch. On the way back I had a front end blowout just as I was pulling into a parking space at the downtown studios. My back up plan was the station remote vehicle because I couldn't use my spare. I called the tire place and made arrangements to get my car fixed tomorrow. This wasn't exactly what I planned.

I was very tired by the time I got home mid-afternoon. I decided a good nap before spinning class was a great idea. I had been looking forward to spinning class all day long, even though it will likely be the toughest workout I've endured to date. I'm genuinely excited to climb back on the cycle because I know what it does to my body. It's good. I set my excessively loud radio alarm clock for 4pm. This would be a solid hour and fifteen minute nap. I turned on the NPR Fresh Air podcast and set the sleep timer for ten minutes. I don't think I lasted three minutes. I was out and sleeping deep, as sound as I possibly could. I was sleeping well. So much so, that when the alarm started blaring (loud enough to likely be heard in adjacent apartments), I didn't budge.

With the radio volume blaring as loud as it goes, filling my entire apartment with noise, Mother Nature decided to lend a hand with a big thunderstorm...still, I peacefully slept. When I finally opened my eyes at 5:08pm, I was disoriented and frantic. The alarm had automatically shut itself off after an hour of rockin' my pad and the thunderstorm was still rolling. The immediate urgency of the weather (which I should have been covering live in-studio) and the list of warning notifications on my phone had me frantically dialing a colleague, hoping and praying she was on the air in my place. And she was. Thank goodness. At 5:11pm I sat on the side of my bed and realized there wasn't any way I could make the 5:30 pm spinning class. Had I been awake, I still wouldn't have made it to the class because I would have been on the air covering this pop up thunderstorm. I decided to pull myself together and get into the YMCA for my regular elliptical workout. I grabbed some turkey and cheese for a pre-workout snack and headed out. It was good, but not exactly what I planned.

The entire day wasn't exactly what I had planned and yet it was still a great day. I had moments of frustration. I experienced potential temptation when a co-worker generously and innocently gave me a small Italian pastry she picked up from Starbucks (I re-gifted it to the break room where it's anyone's treat--anyone but me). I now know I must get new tires tomorrow--that's an unexpected expense--slightly stressful and I had genuine disappointment in missing the spinning class. And of course the incredible stress of waking up in the middle of an unexpected summer time thunderstorm when I was supposed to be in studio and on the air covering it, instead of sleeping through it. 

Through it all, I somehow maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, had a great workout on the elliptical and enjoyed a fantastic home cooked dinner before making my way to the store for a long overdue grocery shopping trip.

I'll have my favorite eggs in the morning. I'll get tires tomorrow. I'll climb aboard the spin cycle for an intense workout tomorrow (unless Mother Nature calls me into work). It's all good. And then, as a nice punctuation to an otherwise out of sync day, this happened:

As I made my way out of the YMCA a very nice lady spoke to me. I was still firmly in the grip of an 80's music party in my head, but I could tell she was speaking to me, so I removed an ear bud. She told me she reads my blog everyday and that she's proud of me. She said that what I do was inspiring to her. She expressed how she sincerely appreciates the decision to include the meal tweets in this daily blog because she doesn't do Twitter. She told me we had a mutual friend in Cathy at the hospital. She also said she's already lost 25 pounds. I congratulated her and thanked her for the kind words, then we wished each other well as we continued on toward the parking lot. An encounter like that lights me up like hardly anything else. It inspires me even more and reconfirms that what I'm doing is important, not just to me, but to others. And that's a feeling so good, it's hard to describe. I sat in the big station vehicle for a moment, turned off Billy Idol and gathered my thoughts. This was exactly the way my day needed to go. It was perfect, really. You see...

Having steel cut oats and fruit as a backup breakfast reminded me how fortunate I am to have good food ready to go. Having a blowout at 5 mph as I pulled into a parking space at work was a blessing. If that tire had decided to give way on Highway 177 last night, it could have resulted in a tragic accident. And if I hadn't over-slept my nap and the storm wouldn't have happened, I would have been in that spinning class today and I wouldn't have met the nice lady on my way out of the Y tonight. Oh--and I forgot to mention how I ran into Andy, the spin class instructor at the grocery store. I had a wonderful conversation with him about the class and weight loss. It was perfect and had my day been aligned differently, this delightful grocery store visit wouldn't have happened.

A good or bad day isn't necessarily dependent on the things that happen, it's decided by the perspective and attitude I choose. Today was a great day even though it wasn't exactly what I planned.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

Today's meal tweets:






Bonus Tweet: The grocery shopping trip...



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Sunday, July 13, 2014

July 13th, 2014 What Isn't Written

July 13th, 2014 What Isn't Written

Part of sharing the details of my life on a daily basis is the risk of sharing too much. I've become much more seasoned in keeping a level of privacy despite being a "daily diary." Still, if you try, you can draw conclusions by what isn't written. A prime example was my sleeping in today, on a Sunday. I tweeted my first meal of the day shortly before 1pm. I received a very nice message from an acquaintance who expressed concern about whether or not I was a member of a good church. Her intent, sweetness and caring was clearly evident. She wasn't passing judgement, it came from a place of genuine caring. She told me she reads my blog and twitter regularly and has noticed I never mention attending church. She then, very graciously invited me to her family's church, describing their non-denominational style and mentioning how it took her years to convince her husband of 40 years to go, but now he doesn't miss a service. I thanked her for the invitation and explained to her things I normally don't share in my writings.

I'm not ashamed of my faith, I'm just very private about it. This is a non-denominational weight loss blog. I respect other people's freedom of religion and I rarely "go there" for that reason. My faith isn't something that ever needs publicly examined. I have my spiritual moments each day. I pray and I believe. I abundantly give thanks and I don't dare take all of the credit for my dramatic turn around. It's true, I don't have a church home, but I do have a relationship with the divine spirit. I just don't write about it. The fact that this very sweet lady reached out to me like this was touching because she clearly cared very much, even mentioning how much she's enjoyed reading about my wonderful relationship with my mom and grandson Noah. Rest assured, I'm okay, and if ever I decide to once again seek out a church to attend, that nice lady will likely see me sitting in the back row of her non-denominational house of worship. When I have attended, I like sitting in the back. Not because I'm shy, I'm not necessarily. You're able to have a broader perspective back there, where everything is in front of you.

I enjoyed a fabulous workout this afternoon at the YMCA. Turning up the resistance on the elliptical has proved to be a wonderful enhancement! I confirmed the spinning class schedule before departing. Looks like my rear end will be perched atop a spinning cycle at precisely 5:30pm tomorrow afternoon. That's the plan! I'm part nervous and part excited. Mix that together and oh my-- it's a party! I'll be fine. I'm not making any plans in regard to the spinning schedule further than one day out. I need to get in there and see how I do. It was a challenge at my healthiest and lowest weight. I will remember what the spin instructor said to me: "Just do what you can at your own pace." I will. And it'll be good. I can't wait to tell you all about it tomorrow night!

I visited Stillwater this evening to celebrate mom's birthday. I missed the official celebration night on Wednesday, so this was an extra celebration. My Aunt Kelli's husband Tim just had a birthday yesterday, so we were also recognizing him and his. I stopped by Brace Books and More, our big-locally owned and operated independent bookstore, on my way out of town to pick up the book mom requested as a gift. The book was "The Doctors Diet," from the popular daytime television show The Doctors. I felt a sense of irony in buying my mom a book all about weight loss. I joked that I think she has a crush on Dr. Travis Stork, who graces the cover of this latest offering from that show. As I turned to leave the store, I glanced over to see my book nicely displayed on one of the many shelves. Seeing it there made me smile.

We decided to skip the bigger restaurant and visit what has long been one of my favorite fast-food Mexican places. Taco Mayo has some choices I can feel okay about, even though I had some serious mental hurdles to leap, simply because I haven't had any fast food whatsoever in nearly three months--and not that there aren't some good options available out there in the land of fast food, it's just that I was kind of proud of my record. You see, I haven't gone three months without fast food since I was fourteen months old.

I contemplated my dinner options on the way to Stillwater and made my selections in my head prior to arriving. The crispy beef tacos check in at 161 calories, but I didn't want the grease that is often found dripping from those. After all, I was wearing a new shirt! They are incredibly tasty, I'll admit. Taco Mayo always had these crispy ground beef tacos on sale when I was a kid. Twenty-nine cent tacos, then thirty-nine cent tacos were regular specials for many years. It was eating on the cheap--and we loved it so much! Tonight I chose a simple bean tostada, not too unlike what I sometimes make at home, and two white meat chicken crispy tacos with lettuce and tomato only. It was a big, satisfying meal--and I left feeling confident in my choices.

My meal tweets of the day:






And my #lastfoodofday tweet:


Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, July 12, 2014

July 12th, 2014 Something Dramatic Changed

July 12th, 2014 Something Dramatic Changed

Planning, preparing and packing served me well today. I had a midday location broadcast until 2pm, so I made sure to pack a good lunch. It was an interesting broadcast day.

First, Ruth, A longtime listener stopped by the broadcast to register for the concert tickets we were giving away. She recalled taking my picture at an annual station event called Ladies Night Out. I was wearing a nice tuxedo in the October 2010 photo (same as the picture located on the left hand side bar of this blog). I don't think I've seen her since that night. Normally, I would have felt embarrassed at having an obvious weight gain in front of someone, anyone who hasn't laid eyes on me since my days around 230 pounds, but I didn't at all. We chatted for a few minutes, talked about her upcoming retirement, her sons pending nuptials and of course, we talked about weight loss, briefly. I mentioned how wonderful I feel now and how confident I am to once again be moving in the direction toward my healthiest weight.

Running into this regular listener brought back wonderful memories of how good it felt wearing that tuxedo at 232 pounds. I'll be honest, as good as it felt, it still wasn't as good as I feel today. That might sound strange considering I'm a little over 100 pounds from wearing that size tuxedo again, but it isn't strange to me. As soon as I started embracing the positive attributes and qualities in me and I stopped attaching my identity and self worth to a number on a scale or the size of my pants--something dramatic changed. And the perspective was shifted in an instant.

I love me regardless of my size. As I once again head toward my healthiest weight, I do it with the certainty of my self-worth and identity in tact the entire way. It's not something that magically appears when I reach a certain weight or fit into a sharp looking tuxedo.  My self worth and identity doesn't improve with weight loss and it doesn't diminish with weight gain. Keeping my focus and perspective in this most wonderful place has provided instant relief from any possible negative feelings developing in front of people I haven't seen in a long time. This is big-time growth for me. By the way, Ruth ended up having her entry drawn from the prize boot for a pair of concert tickets!

I was also visited by a doctor (not my regular doctor) during my broadcast. I've known this doctor for a few years and he's been supportive of what I do to a certain extent (although I know he doesn't "get me" completely.) Lately, he's losing weight too and feeling great. Good for him! I'm happy for his success! But this is where my enthusiasm stops. You see, he's turning what works for him into big business and he's been after me to join him in this effort. He knows full well I've avoided his calls and texts purposely because I'm not interested in touting the latest and "greatest" diet or whatever he's doing. He started laying on the pressure today for me to jump on board with his plan. For one, I was working, in the middle of a broadcast!!! I don't walk into his practice while he's with a patient and force feed him Joseph's Pitas and the latest pictures from my Twitter feed.

It was the wrong time, wrong place, wrong approach and wrong attitude! I said, "Look, I'm very happy doing what I do and I'm doing very well. I don't have time, nor do I want to consider doing what you're doing because what I'm doing is working for me." I was uncharacteristically direct, because this guy doesn't seem to understand subtle. Then, perhaps as a defense I suppose, I mentioned the time I invest in me--taking extraordinary care, eating better, exercising regularly and maintaining this blog and twitter feed on a daily basis. And that's when he said something that instantly turned me off. 

He came back with: (in reference to this blog) "How much money is that making you??" He's very lucky I'm a nice guy and I have peace of mind in my own certainty. He's also lucky that I have the ability to be compassionate toward his disturbingly affected perspective. In other words, I didn't take this exchange personally, it was all him. Still, he instantly lost my respect and attention. How much money do I make from my blog? What an enormously disrespectful question. I don't make money directly from this blog. What I do "make" is far more valuable than money. I'm making a life, helping myself and often times to my surprise and delight, helping others along the way. I'm "paid" handsomely in the form of clarity, perspective and tremendous support from all over the world. So, Doctor, if you're reading this, make a point to remember: I'm not interested in your "magic" weight loss remedy or becoming some kind of spokesperson and testimonial for your weight loss business. I wish you continued success and good health, but seriously--save yourself some time and energy and lose my number. 

I spent the evening with a friend I haven't seen in a very long time. We enjoyed  an awesome dinner and fantastic conversation. It was also a wonderful opportunity to try lamb chops for the first time. The meal was a little "pricey" in the calorie department, but in hindsight I could have pared it down quite easily. We dined on a very good meal and afterward I had a chance to try Shakeology for the first time. It was dessert. I only had enough calories remaining to have 1/3 serving, but wow--it was great! I'm seriously thinking about adding this nutrient dense food in an effort to bump up my calorie budget as my workouts become longer and more intense. I'm going to need more fuel for my body! This is also something new to my journey: Willingness to change up what I'm doing. For me, the only thing that I don't ever plan on changing and I pray I never do, is my abstinence from sugar. As addicted as I was to it, I'm getting very addicted to feeling good without it in my system. I'd rather feel good!

It's late, so I'll wrap this edition with my meal tweets of the day and hit the pillow!






Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, July 11, 2014

July 11th, 2014 The Difference Between Taking Advantage and Taking Good Care

July 11th, 2014 The Difference Between Taking Advantage and Taking Good Care

The keys to a successful day for me in the food department is good planning. I practice the "Three P's," Planning, Preparing and Packing. Today was one of those days were the "Three P's" was critically important. With a 10am-2pm location broadcast a short 45 minutes after my post-show prep time, I knew there wouldn't be any time to "throw something together" or run home to prepare something for lunch. I also knew that if I didn't plan, prepare and pack, I would likely be super hungry during the lunch time broadcast and resisting the free food offerings would be considerably more difficult.

I expected the client to be grilling hot dogs, hamburgers or brats--or ordering pizza for everyone. Instead, around noon time the client offered to buy everyone burgers and fries from Freddie's Frozen Custard and Steak Burgers. Freddie's is a regional fast food chain founded in Wichita, Kansas, about an hour North of Ponca City, Oklahoma. When they arrived in town, the reception was overwhelmingly positive. They have incredible food, not calorie friendly by any stretch, but very delicious! Thanks to my good planning today, by the time the offer came for a free burger and fries, I had already enjoyed my wonderful lunch (see Tweet picture below). Saying "no, thank you" is much easier in the absence of hunger and desires to binge. It wasn't too long ago, I might have eaten mine and accepted their offer too!

By mid-afternoon I was back at the studio finishing up some things and cutting the rest of a cantaloupe I had in the break room fridge. I didn't want it to spoil over the weekend and I was in the mood for a snack anyway. I finished my work and headed out to Silvertop Farm to pick up some fresh lamb chops. I've never tasted lamb. When I discovered Silvertop Farms had a freezer go down and now they were frantically selling their stock of fresh, farm raised lamb at 50% off, I couldn't resist the opportunity to try it on the cheap.

I picked up the lamb and before I could leave, the owner of the farm (named Mary--as in, Mary had a little lamb--okay--it was funny to me) asked if I could produce and air some kind of commercial expressing the urgency of their situation. They needed to sell the lamb now before it completely thawed. I hurried back to the studio to write, produce and get their urgent commercial on the air. It worked beautifully too. I spoke with the sales director of Silvertop Farms shortly after 8pm and their phones hadn't stopped ringing with 80% of callers making purchases. It was a great "radio works" story!

I didn't make it home until almost 5pm and by then I was exhausted. My exhaustion doesn't have anything to do with the quality of sleep I'm getting, like it was not too long ago, now it's all about quantity. My schedule and time management skills do not work well together most days and nights. I needed a nap this afternoon, even though it was almost 5pm. I took it--setting my alarm for 6:30pm, then oversleeping it by an hour and a half. A three hour nap in the middle of my evening didn't do anything positive for my schedule, but it sure felt good on my body. I missed my window of opportunity for a Y workout and after a late dinner decided this would be a no workout day after all.

The positive side of this is: I'm having incredible amounts of patience and compassion for myself these days. During my initial weight loss, there wasn't an "excuse" or circumstance big enough to preempt my daily workout, especially during the first year. Looking back, I realize how unforgiving I was and how it certainly gave me consistency--but it also gave me reason to be exceptionally hard on myself at the mere thought of having a rest day. I'm realizing now, that what I'm doing is something I'll be doing for the rest of my life and I'm not striving for perfection, I'm striving for consistency--and I don't mean specific consistency in my daily workout schedule and food planning, I mean consistency in my overall dedication to taking extraordinary care of myself. I have that and taking tonight off from the gym or walking trail doesn't change this commitment.

I no longer have reason to beat myself up for perceived shortcomings. The truth is, I'm doing exceptionally well, above and beyond what I thought was possible not too long ago. Could I use some tweaks? Of course! If I could engineer my schedule to finish everything each day and be in bed by 9:30pm, that would be phenomenal. If I would start drinking about 50% more water than I do now (most days struggle to drink 8 cups), I would be doing my metabolism and body, in general, wonders. But all in time, all in time. I shall proceed with a confident patience and a bendable self-compassion, both of which are tempered with an acute sense of honesty, a total and complete realness and that's where the difference is found between taking advantage and taking good care.

Time for the meal Tweets! I'm not including snack tweets. Only breakfast, lunch and dinner tweets here--if you want to see the rest of the food/exercise and "in the moment" live tweeting throughout the day, you're welcome to follow my Twitter feed: www.twitter.com/seanaanderson If you're interested in seeing the food and exercise diary in written form with the bonus nutritional breakdowns, friend me on MyFitnessPal, username: SeanAAnderson. You do not need a Twitter account to view my Twitter page, however you will need a MyFitnessPal account to gain access to my MFP profile and daily data.






Thank you for reading and for your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, July 10, 2014

July 10th, 2014 Go At Your Own Pace

July 10th, 2014 Go At Your Own Pace

I made it through the day without snacking in between meals. Not that, good/well planned snacks are a bad thing, they're not. I've bulked up my meals the past few days since I fell short the other day by more than 300 calories. I'm not a nutrition expert, not even close, but I've listened to enough of them to know I must feed my metabolism! Some say I should eat more than 1700 calories a day and I don't necessarily dispute their assessment, but I'll know when and if I'm ready to bump it up a little. For me, it'll come when I feel like I've raised the bar in the exercise department.

I mentioned yesterday about adding spinning classes to my exercise plan. I did many of these before, but not before hitting somewhere in the 280's, if I remember right. I recently had a conversation with one of the spin instructors at my local YMCA and he asked, "When will I see you back in my class?" I smiled and said "I've got some more weight to lose before I climb onto that seat again." To which he replied, "You can just do what you can in there at your own pace." And this was a light bulb moment for me. He's right. The seat might hurt for a few classes, sure, but my backside will strengthen up quickly and it'll not be an issue, just like it wasn't before. And why do I feel the need to stay on pace with the rest of the regulars in there?? This isn't a competition, after all. Besides, they're regulars! I was also a regular at one point, and what advice did I give to a friend trying it for the first time? "Hey, don't worry--just go at your own pace." It's high time I take the instructor's and my own advice and apply it to me. I'm really looking forward to the incredible workout I know it will provide.

I caught my reflection in a window today and it almost made me emotional in a good way. My reflection was noticeably smaller. Avoiding mirrors, reflections and pictures was a big part of the mental/emotional dynamics of the regain. As if not seeing it made it less than it was. If a family member took a picture of me at my heaviest regain point, I would go out of my way to ignore it--of course, not before reminding them to NOT post them on social media. Why? Embarrassment over the regain, of course! But I'm over that now and it feels incredibly liberating. I still request privacy and control over what pictures others share of me, but it's for different reasons. Since the epiphanies of May 15th, I'm no longer ashamed for being me. And that's bigger than any regain. I've discovered the ability to feel good about myself regardless of the reflection in the window. Still, it felt good to see a smaller me staring back today. Mainly, because it's confirmation that what I'm doing is working well. In the darkness of relapse and regain, the hopeless emotions become very deceiving, convincing us that perhaps returning to a healthy weight isn't possible; isn't an option. But it is possible and it isn't hopeless. It can certainly feel that way, but I'm living proof it isn't.

My food was really good today. Breakfast and lunch was fairly routine and I had planned to cook a nice dinner at home before a friend called asking if I could be a designated driver tonight. I drove and while he did what he was doing, I made my way to the Y for my workout, then I dined on his dime at a very nice restaurant. I'm super picky while eating out these days and for good reason. I found a nice sirloin, some asparagus and sweet potato fries. The server offered to bring bread and I replied: "Please don't, but thank you!" I also ordered the steak to be cooked without any added fat (usually butter), just a dry grill with dry seasonings. It was wonderful. The asparagus was obviously cooked with olive oil and much more than the small spray of olive oil I usually use at home. Instead of 25-35 calories worth of asparagus, it checked in at 112 calories. I will admit, it was the best asparagus I've tasted in a very long time. The sweet potato fries were fried instead of baked like I do at home, so I paired down the serving size until I was confident the 160 cal count I assigned was fairly close. It was a great meal and I feel good about my choices. "Would you like dessert tonight?" she offered. I didn't speak, I just smiled politely and lightly shook my head to indicate a pass. I'm finding incredible strength and pleasure in this new found resolve and control. It's a special kind of place where the feeling of accomplishment is desired more than the temporary high of whatever is on the dessert tray.

Today's meal tweets and a couple extra solely for the sake of amusement:








Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

July 9th, 2014 It Felt Doable For The First Time

July 9th, 2014 It Felt Doable For The First Time

Today was a good, solid, feel good kind of day. I ate well, I exercised and I accomplished a lot at work. I napped beautifully, good sleep napping. If you go back to January and read this post, you'll get an idea of what a dramatic difference horrible sleep vs. quality sleep makes. I read that old post and I see how positive I was trying to be and how, even in the face of extreme exhaustion I was desperately trying to regain control instead of weight. Of course, we know what happened. At the time that post was written, I still had 3.5 months of struggle ahead of me, peppered with periods of good, but mostly deep, dark struggle. Even though my time management skills needs a major overhaul and I often don't get enough sleep, now, when I do--it's quality and I feel as rested as anyone can possibly hope to be with an equal amount.

Now, looking back, I clearly see where this "confrontation" with the sleep issue was really the beginning of my comeback, if you will. Had I continued ignoring it and fighting each day to stay awake and maintain some kind of balance, by now I would have been well on my way back to over 500 pounds, instead of where I am today--headed toward my healthiest weight. I encourage you, if you're suffering with untreated sleep apnea, do whatever you must do to get some kind of treatment and therapy. It's robbing you of life. And life is too short. 

I've decided to share my meal tweets each night in this blog. I made this decision after receiving a message from a long time supporter in Tennessee. After listening to my radio show with mom the other morning via the online link, she writes: "To put a voice with the pictures and words made your story and journey so much more real, and the same is true with the photos of what you eat as opposed to a written down food plan. It was seeing the food in a picture that made me know I could do this. It felt doable for the first time."

 I was keeping the food pictures exclusive to Twitter because I didn't want to over do-it, you know? I understand not everyone is into Twitter. Although I have no control of how my food pictures are received-nor should I care regardless, I still don't want my food choices to be misconstrued as some kind of example of what you should eat. I never tell anyone what they should eat or not eat. My twitter feed of every bite, every calorie is simply an accountability tool I felt I needed, as a modification to what I did before. I eat what I like and nothing I don't. That simple statement was a big part of my initial weight loss blogging and is prominently featured in my book, Transformation Road. What is right and good for me, may not be anything you like.

We all must find what works for us. I believe we shouldn't ever force ourselves to choke down things we can't stand for the sole purpose of losing weight. How can we develop eating habits and behaviors to last a lifetime if we hate what we're eating along the way? When that very dear supporter said "It was seeing the food in picture that made me know I could do this. It felt doable for the first time," it touched me and gave me a slight shift in perspective. As long as you know, the food I eat is customized to my likes/dislikes and personal restrictions (nearly 100% abstinence from sugar) and it's not a suggestion or "food plan" for anyone but me, then I'll feel better about also sharing the tweets here each night. Of course, if you like the same things I like--I highly recommend all of it!! I love what I'm eating!





As you can tell from my recent food tweets, avocados have been on sale lately for 50 cents each.

My mom turned 69 today! I've already wished her a happy birthday four times today, but I'll do it again here because I know she reads everything I write: Happy Birthday Mom!! I'll be celebrating her birthday with a visit to Stillwater this coming Sunday.

My workout tonight was inspired and productive. I recently raised the resistance on the elliptical a notch, thinking it wouldn't make a big difference...I was wrong, it makes a big difference. I plan on adding spinning classes to my workout schedule next week along with some resistance weight training in my "spare bedroom gym." 

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

July 8th, 2014 Change of Instinctual Reaction

July 8th, 2014 Change of Instinctual Reaction

My defenses against self-sabotaging behaviors in the face of stress have really been tested the past few days. As open and willing to share as I have been in the past, I've learned valuable lessons in keeping some things private. I don't have anonymity here. If I did, perhaps my sharing policies might be slightly different. The dynamics that make up my personal situation include a very public/high profile job, where many of my listeners and people I come in contact with daily, read this blog, or at least are aware of the blog. I've often referred to spilling deeply personal information to anyone who will listen as being an "inappropriate talker," and I've certainly done my share of over-sharing in the past. I've learned (often the hard way) some things are best kept in a therapist's office, or with a pastor or mentor. With that in mind, I also try to share enough information, tempered with good judgement, in order to convey the emotional and mental dynamics of this here road most of us travel.  In other words, please don't ever think that I'm all sunshine and roses. I'm doing very well and have for nearly three months straight, still it's had its share of stressful and emotional ups and downs. The past few days, exceptionally so. But isn't that life?

I'm fortunate that, the only negative affects I allowed were largely ineffective in creating any major issues. I didn't want to work out last night, just because (and I did anyway and felt great after), and I was more than three hundred calories short on my budget yesterday, which means I wasn't in the mood to eat. Who me?? Not in the mood to eat? This occurrence leaves me wondering if I've been body snatched by aliens and replaced with a programmed being that wasn't fully briefed on the subtleties of Sean. High levels of stress usually equals EAT! I'm pleasantly surprised and profoundly grateful for this change of instinctual reaction.

I was cutting fruit this morning when I got a little too hurried for my own good, slicing the breakfast cantaloupe and my finger simultaneously. As I get more accustomed to Twitter culture, I'm tempted to write in hashtags, #ouch! It was #painful and #messy. The tip of my right hand middle finger started cursing and bleeding badly. Okay, perhaps I was the one cursing. My hand may have been signing curse words, though, I'm not sure. I managed to keep the blood off the food and on my counter, broke out my hardly ever used first aid kit and doctored my injury before heading off to work.

I intentionally bumped up the calories of each meal today in an effort to avoid falling short late. The following tweets cover breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner.







I'm still struggling with drinking enough water and time management but I can clearly see how and where I can improve on these elements as I move forward in the most positive ways.

I had a wonderful group coaching session tonight with Life Coach Gerri and a fantastic group of participants. Tonight was our last of this six week session. Our next six week session is open for registrations! I'll post more information on how you can register and join us, tomorrow night.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, July 7, 2014

July 7th, 2014 Glad I Made That Decision

July 7th, 2014 Glad I Made That Decision

I had a wonderful morning with mom on my show today. She was delightful. I enjoyed preparing her a nice breakfast, identical to mine--and just sharing the meal and coffee together with casual conversation, cherished moments, you know? One of the coolest stories came at the very end of the show. I mentioned Garth Brooks has scheduled a press conference for Thursday at 11am central on his website GarthBrooks.com. So we started talking about Garth's early days around my hometown. Garth attended college in Stillwater and at one point during his college days, he played his guitar anywhere anyone would listen. One particular occasion was the annual Noon Lions Club fireworks display on July 4th at what was known as Lewis Stadium (Now Boone Pickens Stadium). Garth was the entertainment for the crowd of a few thousand. It was just him and his guitar. He played while everyone waited for it to be dark enough for the fireworks to begin. His performance was basically background music, a mild warm up to the spectacular fireworks everyone was anticipating. While he played, mom turned to me and my Aunt Kelli and said, "That kid is going to make it someday." Wow, was she right or what?? If you go to a Garth Brooks concert today, you'll still see plenty of fireworks because it's a part of his show, but it's not the main attraction anymore.

We stopped to see Noah for a few minutes before we hit the road back to Stillwater. That little guy lights up our world. It was a nice drive back, an opportunity for more conversation and reflection of a wonderful, albeit short visit.

I hurried back home in order to get into the Y for a good elliptical workout, then home to prepare dinner. Sometimes I'm a little too efficient with my calorie counting. My late dinner was a lot of food for a low 414 calories. I knew how late it was and I was certain it would be my #lastfoodofday, yet upon entering the specifics into MyFitnessPal, I realized I had fallen 339 calories short for the day. I wasn't hungry throughout the day. We (Mom and me) enjoyed a big 268 calorie afternoon snack and still, I fell short. Okay--nice "problem" to have, I suppose. This is correctable with some closer attention to calorie management earlier in the day. I realize it is something I can't allow to become habit because the body needs fuel. As I start various additions to my exercise routine (spinning classes-resistance strength training), I plan on adding some calories to the budget. Not being afraid to make bigger calorie management decisions earlier in the day will become very important.

I'll tell you, I honestly didn't feel like working out tonight. I was tired, irritable and feeling kind of off. If I hadn't taken an "off" day yesterday it would have been an easy decision to make today the "off" day. Instead, I sat in my car looking at the YMCA building and coming up with various justifications as to how not working out for the second day in a row would be okay. Finally, I called myself out and made my way in and onto the elliptical. As soon as the music started playing, I was in a better place. I finished the workout and felt even better having overcome the initial mental resistance. I'm glad I made that decision.

I also made a decision to go to bed before finishing this post. I was just too tired to finish before bed. This is definitely not a habit I will allow very often. But occasionally it is the correct option and sleep wins.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, July 6, 2014

July 6th, 2014 This Is Part Of The Deal

July 6th, 2014 This Is Part Of The Deal

This has been a wonderfully long day! I started the day with a small portion of yellow watermelon instead of a big breakfast, my usual weekend brunch type meal. I did this because I knew I would be picking mom up and we'd be dining out for lunch at our favorite Stillwater Mexican place. I do my best to have some variety when I'm preparing meals at home, but when I'm eating out in a restaurant I don't like variety, I prefer certainty.

I know the single order of chicken fajitas at Mexico Joe's in my hometown is a precisely measured 4 ounces of chicken on a bed of grilled onions and peppers. I know that if I order corn tortillas instead of the flour it normally comes with, I'll save considerable calories. I know for certain, I can get in and out of there within my calorie budget, no worries. I shared the order with mom and we each were satisfied. We talked about how different things could be there--and how easy it would be to consume a couple thousand calories like we had so many times before. Then, we talked about our approach now and how satisfied we were-- full, but not stuffed--satisfied and confident, content and certain in our resolve and commitment in taking better care.

On the way into the restaurant I met the organizer of my 25th high school reunion in the parking lot. I paid my dues to join the festivities later this month. Deciding to attend this reunion is a big deal for me. I don't have time right now to explain why it's a big deal to me, but I will soon, right here in these pages.

Mom and I made our way back to Ponca City in just enough time to make it into the store for Noah's birthday party supplies, to the studio to give some family members a tour of the downtown studios where I work and then to my grandson's 1st birthday party.

I bought five quarts of ice cream today.  So if you're local to me and you witnessed me grabbing the giant container from the freezer section--and you thought, oh no--he's jumping off the wagon!! Nope! I was responsible for a certain portion of the party supply list and ice cream just happened to be one of the items.

The party was a fantastic event. Noah was overwhelmed with so much love and attention. He really got into ripping open his seemingly endless stream of gifts (even if he was more fascinated with the paper and packaging then the actual presents--hey, he's 1!!). The "smash cake" was a fun 10 minutes. He tore through that little chocolate cake like a man on a mission to destroy! He consumed very little cake. He was too busy annihilating it into a giant mess. It was cute.

I helped pass out the cake and ice cream. I felt like a recovering alcoholic volunteering to be the bartender. I was distributing a substance that's basically my kryptonite.  Accepting and embracing this truth about me has given me a wonderful clarity and freedom. It wasn't will power that kept me from eating the cake and ice cream, because I didn't want it. It was knowing that one bite, let alone a plate full, would certainly send me spiraling. Like a recovering alcoholic avoids vodka, so it goes with me and sugar.

I'm not willing to trade this wonderful feeling I have these days for 5 minutes with cake and ice cream. It's not that I can't. Because I could easily make that transaction, just like I have hundreds of times in my past. It's that I won't, period. It feels good. It's not a case of deprivation or feeling left out--not at all...it's a matter of taking extraordinary care, and understanding, for me--this is part of the deal. Everyone at the party understood where I am at this point in my life and not one of them said a word to the contrary. It was a wonderful experience.

Mom and I hurried back to my place after the party for a good dinner. I made some lean beef tacos, homemade guacamole and rice chips. It was delicious and exceptionally satisfying.

Mom is going to work with me in the morning. If you're interested in listening to "The Sean and Mom In The Morning" Show, simply click this link anytime between 6am and 9am Central: http://player.authorizedstream.com/?pid=593 I can't wait to have mom in studio again! It'll be fun!    

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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