Saturday, April 18, 2015

April 18th, 2015 From This Day Forward

April 18th, 2015 From This Day Forward

Today turned a little busy for me. My plan to get into the YMCA for my workout was preempted by weather coverage duties at the studio. I did get a break early evening for exercise plan B. I made my way to the park for a 5K walk, then to the store and home to prepare dinner, before going back to work to cover more storms. We didn't get anything serious at all, but the potential threat was present.

I planned on spending more time writing this blog post tonight. But I'll hold my thoughts until tomorrow night's edition.

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If I could get in a time machine and go back 40 years, I would fire the person who gave me this haircut. Me at 3. No reason, other than I know it's one of my mom's favorite portraits.

Wednesday is weigh day. It'll also be the one year anniversary of this turnaround from relapse/regain and the one year anniversary of Live-Tweeting my food and exercise every day as an accountability measure. Friday the 24th will be the one year anniversary of my return to daily blog post updates.

DDWL Flashback: From April 24th, 2014...

...putting our puzzle together requires more than just having the knowledge of what we do and why we do it, it requires deliberate actions. Simply having a good idea of where the pieces fit doesn't solve the puzzle, you gotta get hands on those pieces--you gotta be willing to physically work the puzzle.  Is it always easy? NO.  Will we get stuck occasionally? YES.  Do we give up and wipe the puzzle into the floor? NEVER.

 And from this day forward, this blog will be about deliberate actions. If you've read from the beginning of this blog or at least part of the first couple of years, you'll recognize exactly what it is.  A daily diary.  Now...I can't guarantee I won't go off on a philosophical tangent every now and again, because it comes very easy for me to do---and I'll occasionally get creative--but for the most part, it could get a little boring along the way...at least until you see what's happening and how it's unfolding.

Those were definitely determined words! From this day forward. Indeed. Until next time (in less than 24 hours), my friend.

My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, April 17, 2015

April 17th, 2015 I Fried The Circuits

April 17th, 2015 I Fried The Circuits

I don't know when it happened. At some point, I believe, I fried the circuits responsible for regulating my body weight. I hit 500 pounds before age 20 and although it took a lot of over-eating, late night fourth (and fifth) meal eating, an occasional binge and zero intentional exercise to accomplish this, I didn't consider the quantity of food at any one setting should have warranted such a morbidly obese body weight.

I remember reading an article when I was twelve years old about the worlds heaviest man. Reading about his typical day of food just wasn't ever me, at twelve--at twenty, or thirty-five. A dozen eggs, a pound of bacon and a loaf of bread for breakfast? In my late teen years, as the scale crept above 500, I'm sure some might have imagined I had similar eating habits, but no, never did. Perhaps I just spread mine out a little more. But here's the kicker:

At a certain point, I stopped gaining. My body settled between 500 and 515 for years on end while I did absolutely nothing to lose weight or maintain the weight. It was as if I found my body's "set point." And it seems this is where my fried body-weight regulating circuits want me to be, naturally.

I have zero doubt, if it wasn't for this turnaround period from relapse/regain over the last year, I would be back between 500 and 515 by now. Not a shred of doubt. I was headed that way in a hurry.

Recently, a medical paper was published in the Journal Lancet Diabetes & Endocrinology. And it was written about in a CBS News Interactive piece by Jessica Firger. Below is an excerpt from the article:

"Although lifestyle modifications may result in lasting weight loss in individuals who are overweight, in those with chronic obesity, body weight seems to become biologically 'stamped in' and defended," Dr. Christopher Ochner, lead author and Assistant Professor of Pediatrics and Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York, said in a press statement.

 The authors of the paper say we need to change the way we think and talk about obesity, and use language reflective of the fact that being morbidly obese is a chronic disease. Like addictions to drugs and alcohol, patients can overcome it but shouldn't expect to be "cured."

 "Few individuals ever truly recover from obesity; rather they suffer from 'obesity in remission,'" Ochner says. "They are biologically very different from individuals of the same age, sex, and body weight who never had obesity."

 Those of us with chronic obesity have a body weight that is "stamped in and defended." Sounds very familiar to me. I wasn't surprised when I read the article. Not one bit. I knew about this from living it.

It's incredibly easy for me to regain weight. If I suddenly stopped intentionally exercising and tracking my consumption, even without binge episodes, I truly believe my weight would consistently creep upward. Maybe not as fast as it did in the middle of binge city-relapse/regain, but with the same ultimate destination between 500 and 515 pounds.

So now what? Are we doomed to gain it all back because that's the curse of chronic obesity? Is there any hope at all?

First of all, there is hope for long term recovery. I know people who have done it (maintained their weight loss) for ten, twenty and nearly thirty years. It does take work. And no, it's not fair. And that's precisely where our success starts.

Acceptance. If I'm constantly resistant of the elements I must practice each day because it's not fair that so and so can eat a truck full of food and never gain an ounce, then I'm in big trouble.

It is what it is. I've discovered the quicker this acceptance is fully embraced the quicker I can continue enjoying life at a healthy body weight. Something so effortless to some requires daily attention and diligence for someone like me.

They key, I believe, is finding a way--a plan you can truly enjoy. If you read this blog regularly, you see everything I eat. I do not feel deprived in the least. I love what I'm eating. And it's plenty.

I've set the boundaries of my plan and I hold them sacred. I must always hold them sacred. No sugar, daily food tracking and calorie budget management, regular exercise and most importantly, support. Exchanging support with people like me who are in this deal right along side, is critically important. Writing this daily blog is also a strong source of support and accountability.

Acceptance to me, means these elements of my recovery become more than habit, they become woven into the fabric of my life, for the rest of my life. There isn't a finish line. There isn't a declaration of some big final victory. I must never try to live someone else's normal. I must live my normal. This is my normal. And you know what? It's all good, even with the set point weight my body tries to gravitate toward if I don't stay on top of it.  

My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, April 16, 2015

April 16th, 2015 Again Someday

April 16th, 2015 Again Someday

My Thursday started with feeling sick. I actually called in sick before realizing, I wasn't running a fever and there was entirely too much going on to not be there. If I could possibly make it, I needed to go. I sucked it up and made my way into work.

I took a slow and easy approach with food today. In fact, I ended with less than 1,300 and my net calories after exercise calories burned was ridiculously low. But it's okay. I allowed a late dinner tonight. After entering everything, there wasn't any way I was adding another 400 calories before bed. The great news is, I feel much better. About 6pm, I knew I was getting a workout this evening. I wasn't sure before because I wasn't going to go with a general sickness about me.

I have wanted to dig my mind and keyboard into two topics this week and I'm still needing to wait until the weekend. Uhg! Frustrating! But, I'm doing the right thing by getting to bed on a work night, instead. I must remember, my livelihood, what keeps the lights on and food in my grocery basket, is my broadcasting job. I mustn't forget to do what I need to do, in order to give my job the effort and attention it needs. I'm so passionate about what I do within these pages, I sometimes forget very important things.

I'll have the opportunity this weekend to cover both topics in successive nights, easily.

I've been giving more and more thought lately about my maintenance plan. I feel like I'm getting extremely close. These size 36 Old Navy jeans are getting baggy and loose.

Of course, an Old Navy 36 is a Lee Jeans 38, is a Levi 501's 40. Isn't it interesting how different labels interpret sizes? Shouldn't there be a standard of some sort? Is Old Navy trying to flatter me? Is Levi Strauss being a jerk? Is Lee Jeans the only sane one? This is one of the many random things I occasionally think about.

The accountability measures and support structure will remain steady. The calorie bank will increase as will the weight training and other workouts. I'm starting to think about it each day. And that's a good thing.    

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#tbt The fall of 2009 found me on stage fulfilling my desire to act on stage. I was right around the 200 pounds lost point in this Throw Back Thursday photo. I remember falling below 300 pounds during rehearsals. I would have never even thought of auditioning at my heaviest. Getting one of the lead parts in "Call Me Henry" was incredible. I remember hanging up the phone and getting emotional after the director called and told me I had the part. I so badly want to do it again someday.

My Tweets Today:


















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 8 comments:

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

April 15th, 2015 Designated Rest Day

April 15th, 2015 Designated Rest Day

I chose to make this a rest day, early in the day and I'm glad I did. It prevented me from wrestling with myself about if I should or shouldn't. It was decided and this alleviated any negative feelings about not working out, as it occasionally happens when my plans change.

My plan to make a trip back to my hometown tonight and visit with relatives who traveled across the country for the funeral, was a fantastic idea. I hadn't seen them in a couple of years. They're heading back to Minnesota Friday morning, so tonight, late, was my chance. I enjoyed the visit very much. Glad I made the time to get there and catch up.

Unfortunately it's late and I'll need to rely on the tweets to wrap this post for me tonight.

My Tweets Today:
















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 6 comments:

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

April 14th, 2015 Solid Tuesday

April 14th, 2015 Solid Tuesday

Amber and I traveled together to cousin Dale's funeral this morning. Like many of the attendees, I just can't help but think he might have had another twenty or thirty years ahead of him. It was sad and tragic for him to go so young. My thoughts and prayers are with his mom, siblings and his children, who fortunately are all adults with kids of their own.

I made it back to work a little after 3pm in order to take care of a few things, then it was straight home for a short nap in preparation for my Tuesday night support group conference call, dinner and a late workout.

I seriously considered declaring today a rest day. After the wonderful group tonight, I was full of positive energy--and I couldn't resist a good workout. Having lifted weights yesterday, tonight was elliptical only.

I enjoyed good food, good exercise and good support interactions, privately one on one and within the group. I would call this a solid Tuesday.

Once again, I'm making the tough choice to skip writing about anything else in exchange for more sleep. I know it's the correct decision tonight, but I must say, it's not easy to push the keyboard away. I have some things to explore, issues to dissect and opinions to express!! I'm passionate about this writing discipline of mine and eternally grateful for what it's done for me.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 8 comments:

Monday, April 13, 2015

April 13th, 2015 Too Late For My Own Good

April 13th, 2015 Too Late For My Own Good

I have so much to write about this week! The topic I mentioned in yesterday's post and my response to an article written for CBS News about the underlying biological issues of obesity. I can't wait to dig into these topics. I will later this week. 

Once again, I find it way too late for my own good. It was a busy day, a good one, and I hit my marks--except with water. I'm not sure what my deal is with water consumption the past couple of days. I'll adjust and be well.

This is a good night to let the Tweets tell the story of today. I must drop in bed!  

My Tweets Today:




















(You can't edit tweets for grammar? **...but the machine and I felt it was time) :)




Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 8 comments:

Sunday, April 12, 2015

April 12th, 2015 More Salmon Soon

April 12th, 2015 More Salmon Soon

I caught up on some sleep today. It tilted my food schedule a bit but turned out okay when I added some almonds and cheese as an after workout snack. I logged it as lunch in MyFitnessPal even though it was a little after six pm. It was more a holdover until dinner. It worked.

Thanks to a dramatic price markdown ($1.99) because it was reaching its "sell by" date, I've suddenly discovered I actually like salmon. I wasn't crazy about it the first couple of times I tried it years ago, but for a dollar ninety-nine for two pieces--yes, a dollar a meal, I couldn't resist giving it another chance. I simply bake it with a little salt and pepper, that's it. I'll be buying more salmon, soon. Maybe not for $1.99, but now what? I'm hooked!

My workout late this afternoon was fantastic. I'm still riding level 16 on the elliptical. I think it might be time to see what 17 is all about. I might do that next time.

There's a fantastic topic I want to explore again soon. (Thanks for the suggestion from Alan at FoolsFitness.blogspot.com) How weight loss changes more than just our physical body: The mental and emotional dynamics when we see ourselves differently and just as powerful, how the world and everyone else sees us (and treats us) differently. I have many thoughts, opinions and ideas on this discussion. It'll be a deep exploration. I wish I had time tonight.  Coming soon, I promise, Alan! I must drop in bed. Until next time!

My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 10 comments:

Saturday, April 11, 2015

April 11th, 2015 Internal Regulator Switch

April 11th, 2015 Internal Regulator Switch

I was on a location broadcast from a grocery store's massive meat sale today. When I arrived, the assistant manager approached me in wide eyed disbelief. "Oh wow, look at you! You've lost even more weight!! You look amazing!" She was genuinely excited. I suppose it's been several months since my last broadcast at this location and the weight loss shows. These kind of reactions never get old to me. I do process them a little differently, now.

I allow myself the pleasure of the compliment, I graciously accept and give thanks--then I silently remind myself of my daily practice in taking extraordinary care and how it's this critically important self-care affording me these type of moments. In other words, I don't get too caught up with compliments on my appearance. As wonderful as it feels physically, mentally and emotionally, I know all too well how quickly it can go in an unhealthy direction mentally and emotionally, then without a doubt, physically.

It doesn't mean I can't or don't enjoy the many perks of my transformation, it simply means I'm always aware, forever grateful, enormously humble and grounded when it comes to understanding the magnitude of the critically important elements keeping me well. These elements, I pray I never let go of again. 

I enjoyed some great food today. My beef and onion pizza for lunch was incredibly flavorful and an amazing calorie value! One of my most popular dinner selections, the chicken and zucchini crispy tacos with chips and salsa dressing, never seem to go out of style for me. I love the taste and texture. Texture is a big thing for me, apparently.

After finally determining yesterday a rest day, I followed up with a great workout at the Y today. The elliptical always works me well and the weights feel awesome. I did lower a couple of the weights today out of fear I might be pushing it too hard. I felt a little pinch on my upper back during the row press and immediately thought I better take it down a notch! This caution comes naturally to me and goes back to Day 1 and 505 pounds, when I approached the walking trail fearful it might kill me. I've held back through whatever workouts I've done over the years, doing enough to get results, but never pushing. It's not necessarily the best thing--but it's certainly kept me from getting hurt. It's like some kind of internal regulator switch that shuts off if I push too hard. A friend recently talk to me about running and the whole time they were talking, I was thinking--if I eventually start running, I'm going to need to get over this irrational fear.

I was going through my picture library this evening and decided to include several on tonight's post. No captions, just photos. Many of my photos involve microphones. I suppose there's some deeply embedded need in me to communicate. Expressing ideas, thoughts and communicating effectively is something I'm passionate about doing more of along the way. I sincerely appreciate your continued support as this exploration continues!

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My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Sean
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Friday, April 10, 2015

April 10th, 2015 Fairly Well

April 10th, 2015 Fairly Well

Today was a fairly good day. My workout plans changed twice and eventually, when I realized how tired I was tonight, it turned into a rest day. When a day like this happens, I must immediately allow myself to be okay with the decision, or else I'll spend too much time mentally abusing myself over a perceived lacking of some kind. I tend to hold myself to certain standards and when I feel I'm dropping below those, it creates negative energy.

I've combated this by taking it one day at a time, and as contrary as it might sound, embracing the big picture simultaneously. Taking good care each and every day varies in definition. Some days, it simply means staying within my calorie budget and maintaining my abstinence from sugar. Other days it's that plus a great workout. They're both great days. One's a little more active than the other and that's okay.

I'm exhausted tonight. It's a short blog post for me. I'm hitting the pillow knowing I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget and remained sugar abstinent and I was active in support with others. It was a fairly good day.

My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 6 comments:

Thursday, April 9, 2015

April 9th, 2015 Importance Level Gauge

April 9th, 2015 Importance Level Gauge

Before I write another word tonight, I want to take pause and send wishes of peace and healing to my dear Aunt Connie, my cousins and other family members of mine. My cousin Dale passed away this morning after suffering a heart attack. He was only 53 years old. That's way too young. We'll all get together in the coming days for Dale's funeral and I'm sure many of us will talk about how good it is to see one another and how we wish it were under different circumstances. I've said those exact words numerous times and most always at funerals. It's a powerful reminder to me, to take pause a little more often, stay in touch, communicating with family a little more, because we never know when or if we'll have another chance.
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I was up late last night covering weather on the radio. It wasn't severe by the time it reached our immediate area, but I've often said, some of our best, most useful coverage is when we're on the air letting listeners know it's going to be okay. Sometimes even non-severe storms can certainly sound severe, so this kind of coverage is important.

I made it home just after one am and was in bed shortly after. When the 4:30am alarm sounded, I slept soundly, right through every blaring minute. When I finally woke up, I realized there wasn't any way to make it to the studio for the start of my show. I had to call a colleague to step in and cover until I arrived shortly before 7am.

Starting the day in a panic and rush always has the potential to tilt our planning and even our resolve in taking extraordinary care. How can I make the best of this rough start? I can make sure I grab my bag of breakfast items, take a few deep breaths and a few more sips of coffee and choose to be okay.

Breakfast was a little later than normal and this tilted the rest of my food schedule, slightly. It really wasn't too bad at all.

My workout this evening was solid and earlier than my usual Y time. I'm discovering the earlier I get in there, the better I feel afterward--because not only do I generally feel well after a workout, it adds an additional positive because it at least gives me the potential of getting to bed closer to a reasonable time.

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#tbt Considering how many big before pictures I've shared over the years, you might find it hard to believe that I often tried to avoid pictures back then or at least hide behind someone or something. This Throwback Thursday picture was snapped by a colleague who had just received his new iPhone. He wanted to try out the camera and I was right in front of him, so why not? I remember him showing me the picture afterward and me not liking it one teeny tiny bit.

It's interesting how our perception can become warped. At my heaviest, I didn't realized I appeared that large. I really thought I appeared smaller. It was always a shock to see a picture, wow, am I really that big? Flip it around and the opposite perception comes into play. At my healthiest weight, I always thought I appeared bigger. Seeing pictures was equally shocking, except it was the opposite thought, wow, am I really that small? 

 Now, I feel like I have a fairly decent handle on my authentic reality. And quite honestly, no matter my size and/or imperfections, the things I'm making important are the non-negotiable fundamental elements of my continued recovery. To me, the top of the importance level gauge is labeled "sacred," and I mean it 100%. As long as I keep that importance level gauge pegged to the top, I have a good chance of maintaining continued recovery.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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