Day 518 Valentines Running, 266's Milestone, and Remembering Shane

Day 518

Valentines Running, 266’s Milestone, and Remembering Shane

I let Amber sleep in this morning while I greeted the day with a nice little workout. I was feeling super-guilty about not getting a good workout yesterday, so I laced up the shoes and put in the effort and it felt good. If it feels so good, then why do I struggle with my workout consistency? I let my schedule rule me instead of me ruling my schedule, that’s the real problem. Problem identified, now a solution---uh, OK, hmmm…well, maybe I just need to stop using my busy schedule as a convenient “poor me” excuse. I have the power to take this transformation to a whole new level, and by golly---that’s where I’m taking this train, so there.

I made a point to run today. Not like run-run, just jog whenever the need was present. When Amber forgot her car keys upstairs in the apartment, I offered to run and get them. I ran from the parking lot to the stairs, ran up the stairs, grabbed the keys, and ran back down to the car---and the most amazing part? I wasn’t even the slightest out of breath. Not even the slightest! Later when Applebees was packed and we had to park a ways away, I ran from the restaurant to the car as fast as I could. Amber went out ahead of me because I needed to use the restroom. When I made it back to the vehicle, she said “wow, that was fast.” And I said, “I ran.” I’m really loving being able to do that when needed. If it’s cold and windy like today, if it’s raining, or someone is chasing me…I can run if needed! And I still can’t believe that these short runs didn’t wind me at all. I mean I was perfectly composed, as if I’d been slowly waddling like at 505. I feel like Forrest Gump. “From that moment on, if I was going somewhere, I was runnnnninnnnnggg!”

I wanted to congratulate a fellow blogger who recently crossed the 100 pounds lost milestone. Her blog is simply titled “266,” her heaviest weight. She is incredibly inspiring, a wonderful writer, and her enthusiasm for this milestone made me smile from ear to ear. I felt such joy for her while reading the milestone post. If you haven’t already, click this link and check out her recent weigh-in post: http://266-twosixtysix.blogspot.com/2010/02/weigh-in-for-week-27.html I’m so very happy for her success. Her most recent post is really good too. It talks about a party she attended exactly a year ago at her heaviest and the differences in this time, over 100 pounds lighter. 266 my friend, you are incredible. Thank you for the inspiration you provide for so many! Thank you for your story.

I made a Wal-Mart trip to buy Valentines for my daughters and mom. It sure is different, this day, considering the circumstances. I haven’t written much about the pending divorce lately, because it just isn’t appropriate. But it’s hard not to mention it on a Valentines Day post. Today was my first Valentines Day since 16 that I didn’t have a card for Irene. As much as she’s moved on, and I have too---I still found it hard not to get her something. I picked up some roses for Amber, Courtney, and mom. And I grabbed Irene a dark orange flavored chocolate. It wasn’t a card or a rose, but it was something. I still love her and she still loves me---we always will on some level despite everything else because we share our children. I delivered the gifts to Irene’s place, where the girls were visiting with their mom. Irene’s boyfriend disappeared as soon as I walked inside, it was uncomfortable really…and maybe I’m saying too much. It was just something that hit me hard today. And I can’t help but talk about it here. Every now and then Irene and I will look at each other as if we’re both thinking the same thing, where did it go wrong? Why? At least that’s what I’m thinking, I guess I better not speak for her. She’s such an awesome person, very talented, smart, beautiful, inspiring, and a great mother. She’s always been an amazing mom. I just wanted to say that on this Valentines post, because I wish her nothing but happiness. And deep down, and not that deep really---I wish the four of us were still one. But I know we’re way beyond that now. I need to start a new subject.

Courtney had a dinner and movie date, so it was Amber and I headed to Stillwater for a Valentines visit with mom and grandma. Amber and I also planned to go out for a special daddy/daughter Valentines dinner. We visited for a little while before deciding on Applebees.
We wanted to try Applebees under 550 calorie menu. I ordered the Asiago Sirloin Steak meal and I hate to give a bad review, but I will: The dinner wasn’t the best. It wasn’t even close. I’ve posted the picture below. The meal came with a 7 ounce sirloin. I never thought I’d ever complain about a 7 ounce steak being too big, but seriously---it could have been a little smaller, with more of those potatoes and way more fruit. The potatoes were flavorless. The steak was horrible and the fruit I ordered instead of the broccoli was absolutely hideous. I’m sure this isn’t the standard that Applebees has set nationwide. This must be a Stillwater location thing, a local problem. It just wasn’t very balanced---and the plate looked dirty. And I love cheese, but please---not on my steak. I knew it came like that, my fault for not opting out of the cheese. The picture below was taken immediately after the server put it on the table. Sorry Applebees, I really wanted to report wonderful things and excellent calorie values, but I’m not going to be dishonest. It was bad. I’m sure this was an isolated problem on a local level, not indicative of the kind of product you normally would find at your friendly Neighborhood Applebees.

I ran to the vehicle afterward…oh wait, I already talked about that. Yeah, I did….can you believe that?

After dinner I took Amber to her car, pumped some gas for her, and sent her back to school. It’s so tough to watch her go. We had the best, deepest conversation we’ve ever had this weekend. She understood, she really did. And I understood her. It was so very wonderful. I still can’t believe she’s twenty. Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday she was a Barney addicted three year old. Not anymore, not anymore.

Today would have been my little brother Shane’s 33rd birthday. I thought about him a bunch today too---

From Day 154: Every Valentines Day I remember Shane and recognize how old he would have been, because Shane would have been so proud and happy to be 32. Age was very important to him. My brother Shane had developmental disabilities, some call it mentally challenged, but Shane let little stand in his way of enjoying life. Shane and I had some great times together before he passed. He was always very proud of being a man! And he'd let you know! You didn't ever call him a kid past the age of 18. When he turned 21 I took him to a few establishments where only adults where allowed. We sit at a bar one night and sipped our Coke while we listened to music. Shane couldn't drink alcohol because of his medication, and I very rarely drink anything with alcohol, so sitting at a bar and sipping a Coke suit us just fine. I tried to be a bad influence that night by offering him a cigarette, he accepted, and after a few awkward puffs, he never touched them again. The way he handled that situation and the look on his face, and how he wasn't sure if we should tell mom, are moments I'll cherish forever. I wanted Shane to experience all of the things he dreamed about, even if for only a night. I'll never forget how important he felt when I took him with me to the comedy clubs. He gave me so much love, in his eyes I was perfect, even though I was far from it, and he wanted to be just like me. I miss him dearly. If he were here today, he'd be slimming down right along with me I guarantee.

What a day, what a weekend. Wow. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean


Amber and Me tonight!


My dear momma.


Amber and Me being silly.


This doesn’t look like the picture on the menu or in the TV commercial. But this is a 550 calorie or less meal from Applebees. Picture snapped seconds after the server set it down.


My mom and little brother Shane on one of his many prom nights!

Day 517 I Was Thinking About It On Day 1 and Daddy/Amber Time

Day 517

I Was Thinking About It On Day 1 and Daddy/Amber Time

The touching words so many left for Eric yesterday, it was just, amazing. Thank you. I know Eric is reading and discovering an entire community of bloggers ready to help inspire. I never dreamed that sharing this journey might have an impact like that on someone. It’s happened many times over the course of the last 517 days---and I know it happens to my other successful and inspiring blogging friends. It still feels very strange to be on the other side. It makes me want to do better. I’ve said it many times---this is not the perfect journey. I’m not a weight loss expert, or doctor, or guru, or anything other than a humble man who found a way out and has written and continues to write about it every step of the way. I’m still learning, I’m still developing, and I still occasionally struggle. This is why it’s uncomfortable and hard to accept praise and compliments---and e-mails like Eric’s---it just takes this journey to a much higher level in my mind.

Helen commented yesterday: I know you started to help yourself but ultimately you really wanted to help others too, right?

Helen, thank you, and yes---I started writing because I knew it would help me unravel my issues that kept me fat. I didn’t care if anyone read it other than my family and close friends, although I knew others would, and yes I was hoping it could serve a purpose in helping others. But I had no idea how much that element would impact me emotionally. The very last line of my Day 1 post was: "I look forward to this blog. I believe it will help me stay on track and maybe along the way it will inspire someone else to stay on track." So yes, I was thinking about this even on Day 1 at 505 pounds. This blog, this journey, this transformation has given me a new life and my new life has a greater purpose. It’s changed me for the better beyond what I ever imagined.

Spending time with Amber has been tremendously rewarding today. We’ve talked about so many things---none of it directly weight loss related. We’ve just talked. And those conversations about life, love, and forgiveness---and living and dreaming, well…those conversations are precious and golden. We’ve talked about not settling for anything less than proper respect and consideration. We’ve talked about so many wonderful things. And we watched a great movie together. We watched “Dear John.” Amber cried seven times during that movie. I just put my arm around her and shed a tear or two right along side her. She didn’t notice and I didn’t admit it, hey—I’m still a big strong guy…but yeah, I’m a softy too. That movie is a serious tearjerker.

We also attended a Las Vegas Style magic show with International Magician of 2008, Rob Lake. He was just incredible. I’m still in awe of the illusions we witnessed. I really wanted Courtney to come with us, but she had too much homework. This is quickly turning into a Daddy/Amber Valentines weekend. Maybe we needed that I guess. I love both of my girls so much.

We ate responsibly and within our calorie budgets of course. Amber was amazed at the incredible calorie value of the veggie pita pizzas I made tonight. A friend gave me a jar of gourmet tomato sauce made by a real professional chef from scratch! She put it in an old Ragu jar---but make no mistake, this wasn’t Ragu---this was premium stuff! It tasted amazing!

Other than some stair climbing, we really didn’t have much of an organized workout today. We were too caught up in our time together. And we packed our schedule pretty tight today and tonight. We should have made it downstairs to the fitness room late, we really should have. But sometimes---at the risk of sounding like a convenient rationalization, sometimes it’s OK. I don’t want her to go back to school tomorrow night, but I know she must. I’m so proud of that girl. I love you Amber!

Thank you for reading! Day 517 was a good one on many different levels. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 516 The Race For My Life and An E-Mail That Deeply Moved Me

Day 516

The Race For My Life and An E-mail That Deeply Moved Me

Hmmm. If there was any question about whether or not I’m addicted to coffee, it was answered this morning. I jumped up (and seriously, I jump up ;), made my way into the kitchen and discovered that we were out of coffee. What? The other evening at the store, you know, when I forgot the fresh fruit? ---Yeah, forgot coffee too. I was slightly panicked. OK—Not crazy panicked, more like bummed out a little. And then I noticed the leftover coffee still in the pot from yesterday morning. I didn’t empty and wash the pot. Cold and old coffee, Hmmm….I poured a cup and checked it for foreign particles, then popped it in the microwave for a minute. I added the creamer and yeah, it was acceptable---and I sat there waking up and trying to not to think about the age of the coffee. Yep, I’m addicted to coffee. I’d really love to shake that addiction and really enjoy a good green tea instead. I have a whole box of green tea bags, I just choose not to brew the stuff. Choices, huh?

I usually do my warm-up exercises before anything else of a morning. Today I had coffee first and then fell to the floor. As I did, I twisted my knee in a strange way. I didn’t hurt it, but it just felt weird. Like it wasn’t suppose to go that way, it kind of popped---and alarmed me for a second, and then I straightened it out and was perfectly fine to continue. Very strange indeed. I have zero pain from that…maybe it just needed to pop, I don’t know how that works.

I felt my rock hard abs as I did my sit-ups…oh, yeah---ripped baby! Uh…well, at least under my fat and skin I’m ripped. I can feel them so well. Go ahead, poke me in the abdomen….wait, let me flex first. See! Rock hard just below the surface and covered with fat, but mostly excess skin. So perfectly imperfect. This is the closest they’ve been to daylight ever…and if I have my way, they will realize their dream of being front and center someday. OK---I think that old coffee might have made me a little loopy today. Abs can’t dream, but I can.

I had a tight schedule this afternoon. I needed a workout and a nap before my evening plans. I did one of those. Can you guess which one? I’m such a slacker, I swear. Yeah, you’re right, I napped. Listen, if you read this blog in hopes of gaining inspiration to push you in the fitness center, you’ve found the wrong blog. I constantly need my rear kicked. But if you come to gain inspiration on controlling and understanding calorie management, overcoming food addiction, and breaking through the mental aspects of losing weight---you’re on the right blog. I strive to improve my workout performances. I want to run and lift, and someday realize the body of my dreams, and I fully understand the commitment and consistency that will require. I really do.

Admitting to myself and to you that I’m not perfect---and that I struggle is something that's not always easy. But honesty has always been paramount to my success here. Early on this journey, I really prided myself on the simple perfection of my routine. 1500 calories, some kind of exercise, write about it every night….those three things everyday, without fail. If it was midnight and raining, I was on the trail walking. If I had to get up at 5am, but it was 12:30am and I hadn’t posted that days blog yet---I was writing. It was that important to me. It’s still important, those three things, but I’ve relaxed my obsession a little. That’s a good and bad thing. Make no mistake, I’m still driven---just cruising the speed limit instead of racing. In the beginning I felt I was in a race with the grim reaper. I won that race a while back. I need to create a new race in my mind, something that makes me race to the workout room without fail, everyday.

A friend of mine insisted on McDonald’s late tonight. I didn’t want any of that stuff, but I did decide on a 150-calorie soft serve low fat ice cream cone. I’ve enjoyed those things from Day 1. I’ve defeated my raging cravings for ice cream with those things. As we pulled into the drive thru, my friend turned to me and told me that they didn’t want to hear anything about “calorie values” or “good choices.” Not tonight. I just smiled and agreed. My choices are my choices, yours are yours. We all make our own choices and each of us deal with the consequences of those choices. I’m not the calorie police. But I’ve noticed when I’m around friends and family, they automatically start explaining their choices. Not necessary!!!! I’m certainly not perfect! Who am I to judge? Can’t do that. But I’m always ready with my best, should they ask.

I’m feeling really good and I know how this contributes to my lax effort in the exercise room. It must read like the same old thing all the time. Bare with me. Believe in me. Believe in you. Because I believe in me 100%. As wonderful as my transformation has been thus far, the best is truly yet to come. The best is not some unattainable fantasy, the best is a choice, and I’ve decided.

I received an e-mail today that deeply moved me. I cried as I read his words. Eric, at first declined permission for me to publish his words here, and then sent me an e-mail late that said to include whatever I wanted from his writing. Brace yourself:

I just wanted to tell you that I just finished reading every single entry in your archives. It’s changed me. I weigh 480 pounds and can’t walk very well. I don’t go out much. I don’t work, I’m on disability because of my weight. I’m tired Sean. I’m tired of this life. As bad as I want to give up, I just can’t. I started reading on Tuesday and I couldn’t stop. Thank you so very much. Thank you. I don’t blog but I do write and someday I might share what I feel. Right now I’m putting together my motivating thoughts and constructing my steel curtain zone. I’m with you man. I want what you are living. I just want to live. I don’t want to bother you, but I had to write you and say thank you.

Just read that and try to fail. You can’t. Read that and try to binge. You can’t. Read that and not feel his emotions? You wouldn’t be human. I cried so hard when I read this today. This is the greatest time of my life. So rewarding, yet stinging on many levels, but mostly rewarding. Eric, listen my friend. You're not a bother at all. Don’t you ever give up. I’m right here to cheer you on! And Eric…I thank you for taking the time to read all of this---and I thank you for reminding me what matters most. I told you this in my reply…but I’ll say it again here: Your transformation of mind, body, and spirit will inspire countless others with or without you writing a blog. Keep writing for you and only you. And get ready for freedom. Because it’s coming my friend, you can feel it can’t you?

I have two girls I’m seeing this Valentines weekend. I can’t wait to spend time with both of them. They are my sweethearts. They are my daughters. Amber came home tonight by herself. We’re going to make this the best Valentines weekend ever. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 515 Lyrical Motivation and That's Where I Would Be

Day 515

Lyrical Motivation and That’s Where I Would Be

If you’ve read the archives of this blog, you already know that my taste in music is all over the place. I’m lyrical, it doesn’t matter the genre of music---do the lyrics speak to me? Do the lyrics push my emotional buttons? Everyday I read a post from exactly one year before and today I re-read Day 150. It was a milestone day, the day I first completed a treadmill 5K! Here’s a quick excerpt from that day:

I was lip syncing to Christopher Cross's “Sailing,” Green Day's “Good Riddance(Time of Your Life),” and REO's “Time For Me To Fly.” Like I mentioned the other day, these are not your typical workout type songs, but they are extremely special and inspirational to me. I played them over and over, day dreaming all the way. I must have looked crazy with my eyes closed, my lips moving, and my legs truckin', but I didn't care. I was in my own little world. As far as I knew, it was just me, the treadmill, three of my favorite songs, and my dreams. What did I dream about? I was dreaming about the future. I was visualizing really positive things. The twenty minutes or so I spent with my eyes closed tight were truly magical. The ability to dream about the future is so important. At over 500 pounds, it was all about dreading the future, and not being completely confident that my weight would allow me to even go very far into it. Someone once said, “if you can visualize it, you can achieve it.” I'm going to need sunglasses. I made a breakthrough on that treadmill tonight. I taught myself to take the focus off the sweat and energy it was taking and focus completely on my positive visualizations. I almost didn't notice the whole walking part, I was that deep my friend. I snapped out of it long enough to capture the last minute as I 'crossed the finish line' and hit the stop button. I told my mom about this triumph and she told me how great it was and that she didn't think she could ever do something like this. I told her she was wrong! I told her she could do this eventually. Think about it, it's taken me nearly five months to get in the condition needed to accomplish this goal. Don't forget this: It's one day at a time...putting one successful day after the other...staying consistent...never giving up...focusing on your motivating thoughts...making good food choices...and quickly, without fail, the endurance grows...and soon you're doing things that could have killed you 150 days ago.

Doing things that could have killed you before. That says it all doesn’t it?

I prepared the most wonderful breakfast pizza this morning. I used a 60 calorie pita (of course) and 60 calories worth of mozzarella, plus 1 whole egg scrambled, and mushrooms. Look at that picture below---it’s really good and only 220 calories total. The calories vary depending on what you put on it of course. A 30 calorie serving of the sauce is actually a quarter cup and that isn’t a quarter cup…so it’s probably less than 220. I counted it as 220 anyway.

I did have time for my warm-up exercises this morning. I feel really good when I do them and horrible if I don’t. It’s just too easy to do them. I don’t have to go anywhere, I just drop in the floor and get it done, then find a chair and do the non-weighted squats. It makes a significant difference in my morning, it really does!

I headed home this afternoon ready for a serious nap. A friend let me know that they wanted to play in a poker tourney tonight and wanted me to join---and drive. No problem, it’s been a while and I do love poker, but it meant cutting my nap and workout short this evening.

I decided that if I was going to cut the length of my workout, I’d better increase the intensity of my workout. I decided I was going to “run” a quick two miles on the treadmill. I just knew I could do it, but I fell short. My endurance isn’t the best. There is a pace I can get comfortable with, because I’ve found that slower gear before and enjoyed wonderful endurance. I was just in too much of a hurry tonight.

I played well in the tournament and fell just short of the money. That’s frustrating. I love playing poker, I do…but I’ll tell you---this is something that I’ve severely cut back on because my priorities have changed and evolved over the last 17 months. I completely stopped playing on-line poker as soon as I started, from Day 1. I don’t have time for that stuff anymore, but it is nice to occasionally hit the felt in a live tournament. The dealers remember the 500-pound Sean, and they are completely amazed at the transformation. Tonight I heard “you look like a completely different person,” three times from three different people. It felt really good!

A really good friend offered to fly me to NYC for the Oz Show, but I didn’t take them up on it. The Oz Show was limiting their expenses and wasn’t paying for me to fly, but told me that I would have been in the audience had I made the trip on my own. After reading a couple of my friends’ accounts of the experience, I’m kicking myself for not going. I could’ve met Richard Simmons, Diane Fit To The Finish, Zeusmeatball, and Ann—aka Pretty Woman, along with several other amazing inspirations. Some of the transformations in that NY studio were just jaw droppingly unbelievable from what I’ve heard. That Dr. Oz 100th Show airs the 16th! I can’t wait to watch! I’m a HUGE fan of transformations! Complete—life changing transformations, it’s so wonderful to witness.

I got in late and decided to hurry off to sleep. Sleep is something I always talk about, how important it is, how it affects our metabolism, and yet---I still have a problem getting enough. I need to read my own advice and the advice of many readers over the course of this journey. Proper sleep must be a serious priority! That’s all I’m going to say about that. I’m tired of talking about it. I need a nap. Joking. No seriously, I need a nap. ;)

Today was another good day in the books. I’m in a good place mentally despite having several good reasons to be somewhere else. It’s all an attitude, a choice to be in a positive place—it’s so much easier at 269. I’d be a depressed, divorced, unemployed shut-in if I still weighed over 500 pounds, I swear that’s true.

Thank you for reading and giving me your incredible support! Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean


Less cheese than I normally add, and you know what? It still rocked! That plate is an old school project Courtney made at 5 years old. I love that plate!

Day 514 Things You Can No Longer Do Weight Chart and I Don't Mind Getting Beat

Day 514

Things You Can No Longer Do Weight Chart and I Don’t Mind Getting Beat

As I enjoy the freedom that my 236 pound loss affords me, I easily drop back into the thoughts of what I couldn’t do before. The reminders come frequently, often in the middle of experiencing something that before I could only dream of doing. I re-read Day 149 today and found the “Things You Can No Longer Do-Weight Chart,” It was a personal writing exercise from exactly one year ago today:

There are so many things that I've let my weight stand in the way of enjoying. Either because I couldn't physically do it or I was too embarrassed to do it. I've always been extremely aware of these potentially embarrassing situations and avoided them completely. It's something that gradually happens. If only I would have had a chart as I gained that told me at what weight I could no longer enjoy things.

The chart would be written to reflect my height and build, plus take into account my insecurities and crazy hang-ups. Somewhere between 275 and 325 that chart would have read “You can no longer ride a bike, jump a rope, comfortably jog, or sit on wicker furniture.”

Then between 320 and 370, “You can no longer comfortably wear shorts in public, nor should you even think about squeezing into a two seater, and don't even try using a regular bathroom scale, you might break it.”

Between 370 and 420: “You can no longer enjoy an amusement park with your children, so just settle on being that fat guy that waddles around watching everyone else have a blast, and if you need any clothing, you'll have to drive to the nearest major city with a real big and tall store, and just accept that the only thing you're going to do at any swimming pool is drop off the kids, oh, and remember actually being able to see certain areas of your body in the shower? Relax, they're still there, but you'll have to feel your way around to get to them.”

Between 420 and 470 the chart would get much worse: “Clicking the seat belt might give you a hernia, close to 470? Don't even worry about it, because it's not clicking. Ok, your marriage will now suffer serious intimacy issues, because you're just too dang big. You can no longer fit comfortably in most chairs with arms. Don't try to ride in any car but your own big vehicle, because you probably wouldn't fit, and might break something if you tried. Go ahead and buy two seats for that flight, one for each half. You better check the sturdiness of any chair before you sit down, and stop flopping on the couch, you're gonna break it down! Buy some better shoes, because you're going through them like crazy. You can no longer hurry anywhere on foot, not even a little bit. If you ever need to run for your life, say from a wild bear, or crazed gunman, don't bother, just enjoy the last few seconds of your life without killing yourself.”

And finally between 470 and 510: “You can't walk down the hall without breathing heavy. You will worry everyday about suddenly dying. While visiting at a friends house, a good friend will always point out the sturdiest place to sit. You can't even fit in some of the largest sizes at the big and tall store, better start thinking about having all of your clothes custom made. Have you pre-arranged your funeral? Just checking...you might want to think about that.”

I know I'm missing a bunch of stuff that could have fit real well on that chart, and a couple of things up there are probably TMI, but certainly makes me think about things. I could have checked the chart everyday to see where I stood, but would it have stopped me? I seriously can't say.

I slept a little too late this morning. It wasn’t “late for work” late, but it was “no time for even a mini-workout” late. I had to seriously rush. I jumped up, showered, and quickly scrambled a couple of whole eggs with some skinless grilled chicken breast chunks---all wrapped up into a Flat-Out flat bread wrap. I didn’t have time to eat at home, I saved it instead for my show. I must have needed the extra hour of sleep, because I just took it. I didn’t consciously decide to sleep late, I was in a deep sleep—and the alarm wasn’t loud enough this time. I hope my neighbors are cool and they like KPNC, it was blaring for a while.

I planned to play racquetball with the morning personality down the hall as soon as our shows ended at 9am, but we quickly changed that to 6pm. More on that interesting experience later.

I shared some passionate, very ambitious dreams yesterday. And I kind of wish I wouldn’t have said anything. I’ve talked about my desire to someday be a weight loss motivational speaker full time, but I boldly went a little further yesterday. Why does that bother me? Well, this whole journey has been about doing it and not talking about it. I believe that less talk, more action is something very important. Don’t tell me what you plan to do, show me as you go. Just know that Sean here is a very level headed/realistic individual. I have a wonderful idea of the work I have ahead of me to reach that magical potential. So until I’m ready for those major progressions along this road, I’ll keep doing what I know. I’ll keep losing fat and gaining muscle, I’ll continue this transformation in grand style, I'll keep learning, and I’ll keep writing this blog every single day along the way. Don’t be surprised when some of those dreams are realized and announced right here, because they will be. We’re headed in a most wonderful direction my friend.

Even though I grabbed an extra hour of sleep this morning, I was still tired enough for a refresher nap before my 6pm workout. I woke up late again, right before 6pm, called Dave to inform him I would be five minutes or so behind, but I was coming with my racquet ready for victory! Yeah, I was pretty confident that my losing streak in the racquetball court would come to an end tonight. Dave weighs a considerable amount more than me right now and he’s starting to get back on the right path, but there was no way my agile, cheetah-like body, would lose a game. OK—maybe not cheetah-like, more like fast buffalo-like, anyway---hey, bison are typically lean animals! I learned it’s not the size or the quickness that matters. It was technique and consistency that won Dave three games in a row. He has some really solid racquetball skills. I was beaten badly. Thanks for the workout Dave! You see what happens when I get over confident? I went into that court worried that Dave might collapse in the middle of our match and I would have to save his life. I quickly started worrying if I would ever get to serve. His serve is killer. Dave is going to lose this weight again, he really is…and this time will be the last time! I’m sincerely happy for him.

I hit the weight room for a good workout before hitting the road. I left feeling good about this YMCA trip. It’s not about winning the matches or lifting the most. It’s about getting a good workout for my body and ability. Consistency builds performance. Everyday that I walk into that place, I remember the word: Consistency. I’m on my way!

I stopped by and had a quick visit with Irene and Courtney tonight. They’re both doing well. Then I stopped at the grocery store for some steel cut oats, eggs, mozzarella, and water. I should have grabbed some fresh fruits and veggies. I’ll have to go again soon.

I arrived back at the apartment at 8:40pm and immediately started cooking dinner. It was late, but I was eating light tonight. I enjoyed a chicken and mushroom pita pizza. I love these things, I do! I only used 60 calories worth of cheese---and my entire plate checked in at 270 calories. I was so satisfied, I was! It’s amazing how much I used to eat before. Shifting my attitude and relationship with food has really helped me appreciate a tasty--low calorie dinner like this. I’ve slowed down and realized that it doesn’t take that much to satisfy me after all.

Thank you very much for reading! Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 513 Not The Same---Inside or Out and "What's Next For You?"

Day 513

Not The Same---Inside or Out and “What’s Next For You?”

I’m feeling very optimistic these days. I’m always an optimistic person, even in the face of stress. It’s that “survivor” instinct that keeps me looking forward. I’m thrilled about where I am and from where I came. Yes, from where I came. I’m happy and at peace with my former morbidly obese self. I’ve forgiven 505 pound Sean for the years of neglect that negatively influenced my family and brought me very close to an early death. He was a very lost man who used food as his compass at every turn. I often times refer to him as another person, a different person---no longer with us, and I’m not the only one. I have friends in the weight loss blogging community that do the same thing. My mind has been transformed in such a profound way, it’s hard not to think of my former self in those terms. I’ve always heard “you’re still the same person on the inside,” but I’m not so sure I believe that anymore. I’ve changed more dramatically on the inside than out. Good thing I didn’t realize all of the changes I would experience along this road, because it might have scared me from trying. Change is sometimes a scary thought. But this gradual change, this evolution of good choices, this change has been the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

I started my Tuesday with a quick warm-up workout of squats, push-ups, and sit-ups. It’s really not much, but it’s enough to get the blood moving of a morning. I dripped the coffee and grabbed a banana. I’m out of oatmeal again---that’s too bad. I need some more—so, once again it was eggs. I stuck with the egg whites this morning, scrambled up a bunch, atop a 60 calorie pita. My breakfast routine must sound like the same thing everyday. It does become routine with little variation, but I’m comfortable and happy, so it’s all good. I sipped my morning coffee while I ate and watched a little news and weather. I talked with Ann too. She was getting ready for her trip into NYC for Dr. Oz. Before long it was time to shower and dress---a busy day was directly ahead.

Thank you “M” for watching Day 165 Bonus Video Blog of my first weight loss speaking event. That night was very special to me. I’m so happy I have that first one on video. It’ll be the first of many. “M” is a relatively new reader. She reports that she’s “reading from both ends,” and I appreciate that. I always suggest reading from Day 1. Now that we’re over 500 days in, it seems like a big thing to suggest, but I feel it’s important for a complete perspective. Every now and then someone will ask “Why don’t you put everything in a nutshell along the side of your blog?” Why? Because it wouldn’t fit! I’ve written, even recently, post that outline my weight loss philosophy and epiphanies along this road, but nothing can replace the gradual changes along the way. The struggle, the emotions, the little victories, the big weigh-ins, the big victories, the fun…and I mean fun--it's all in these pages. You couldn't get all that from a micro-scoped version of my journey.

I had a guest in studio this morning that has been a regular reader and she asked me a direct question off the air: “So, what’s next for you?” Great question. My first answer is simple: I’m not done. I still have serious work to do on this body. And secondly---I said matter-of-factly: I’m going to be a weight loss author and motivational speaker who travels the world conducting seminars to groups of morbidly obese people looking for the way out. I’m going to share my story and approach in such a passionate way that the power of that communication will have the potential to spark something within each person in attendance. I’m going to be vocal about what I’ve learned along this road, I’m not going to back down or sell out to the industry. I’m sickened by some of the companies and products that make up the 30 billion dollar a year weight loss industry---some that are even held in high esteem, even though what I’ve learned in my own experience shines a glaring light on the flaws of some of these more organized “commercial” plans.

I’ve never been a fighter, ever. But you’re going to witness a weight loss warrior my friend. Yeah, to say I’m passionate about weight loss is a slight understatement. The only two well-established bright spots I see in this industry: Weight Watchers and Richard Simmons. Weight Watchers, because their plan is strikingly similar to mine---they understand the importance of the mental changes required. And Richard Simmons, because everything he does is done with a sincere compassion. He understands, he’s been there and he’s devoted his entire life to the fight.

Anyway…enough of my ramblings. What about the rest of my Tuesday?
I arrived home late in the afternoon, just like yesterday. I took a nap, just like yesterday. And I worked out at the YMCA just like yesterday. It was a solid day---another one that I feel good about as I put my head on the pillow. And that’s what it all comes down to really. Hitting the pillow knowing that you did well is a very comforting thing.

Thank you for reading my friend. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 512 That Early Morning Hunger, Who Are You? and Get Here

Day 512

That Early Morning Hunger, Who Are You? and Get Here

From the second my feet hit the floor this morning, I decided that this would be a productive Monday. It was simply a choice, an attitude, a matter of fact belief: It was going to be a good Monday.

I immediately started doing my warm up exercises. I’m just now able to do the push ups again. My left arm injury is back to 99%, and I’m thrilled about that! I finished three sets of each movement before pouring my first cup of coffee or fixing breakfast. It’s amazing what this routine does for my attitude early. 4am isn’t the most pleasant hour for me to wake, but it’s much easier to handle after getting the blood pumping like this.

I very rarely feel hungry. I’ve said this before, and it might irritate some, but seriously---almost never, except first thing in the morning. When I’m down in that floor doing those sit-ups and I feel that hunger, it makes me feel so thin. It’s like I can feel myself getting smaller. I might be a little loopy. That doesn’t look right on the page, but you know what I mean, don’t you?

Breakfast was simple. I prepared three whole eggs over easy atop a warmed 60 calorie pita flat bread. What about the egg whites? You know I love ‘em and their incredible calorie value, but sometimes I feel it good to go ahead and have the yolk. The entire breakfast was still only 270 calories. The egg whites are a wonderful strategic calorie move that totally rocks. But since I increased to 1800 per day, I’ve been bumping up my calories throughout the day. I made it 400 for the day with a cup of yogurt, strawberries, and blueberries about three hours later. I packed some cooked shrimp and some more fruit for lunch. I was good to work until late in the afternoon.

When I’m in the middle of a busy production day, I feel good, I feel confident. I might be frazzled and on edge, but I feel good about getting it done. It’s the same feeling when I’m working out. I’m doing it, I’m progressing, I’m getting stronger and burning more fat…Any apprehension or lazy hesitation is immediately gone once the sweat starts coming down, then it’s eye of the tiger baby! Let’s rock this!

Krisha has been a longtime reader of this blog, although she’s been absent recently for some time. She was one of a handful of readers early on, from somewhere a couple of months into this road. I was delighted to read her comment on yesterday’s post!

Krisha wrote: I found my way back to my blog & my weight loss journey. I'm back & I'm here to stay! I'm just so upset that I stopped. I see you & all your weight loss accomplishments and can't help but wonder where I would have been if I kept at it. Since I've been back at my weight loss journey, I have lost 2 lbs and work out a lot more than I have been in the past. I've gotten back on my calorie counting and have been ok with 1500-2000 calories a day. I mainly try to keep at 1500 but right now I'm comfortable where I'm at so I'm not going to change anything at the moment. Stop by....

What a delight Krisha, thanks for coming back to the DDWL! Listen---lose that calendar regret, put it behind you my friend and get ready for a most wonderful transformation! Congratulations on the 2-pound loss and getting your groove back! You know you can do it. Remember the most important elements we’ve talked about from the beginning: Self-honesty about our food habits and calorie budget, consistency, keep it very simple, more consistency, steel curtain zone, set your importance level super high, and rock this thing every single day! You have the power Krisha, you know you do my friend! Visit Krisha’s blog if you have the time, just click here: http://journeytolosingweight.blogspot.com

I arrived home late afternoon and decided that it indeed was a productive Monday. I felt accomplished from all the work I completed. And then I decided that I wasn’t going to fight the urge to take a nap. I needed a refresher nap really bad. I told a friend of mine of my napping plan and received a “talk to you in the morning.” You know me so well! I do have a bad history of turning hour naps into three or four hour snooze fest. My hour did turn into an hour and a half, but I jumped up quickly and hit the YMCA for another great workout before heading home to meet Courtney for dinner.

A good friend of mine is traveling to New York City to be featured on the Dr. Oz Show! Ann, aka Pretty Woman, has had a remarkable transformation. I’m very happy for her success and this opportunity to share her story with the world on Dr. Oz. She just started reading my blog a couple of months ago. The two of us relate on many different levels, I guess that’s why we’ve gotten along so well. She understands, as do many of you reading, all of the physical and mental changes that go into a dramatic transformation. As much as I talk about simplicity in the process of gradually improving choices, some of this road is intricately complicated---self-image being a big one. And by understand, I don’t mean figured out, I just mean can relate well. I’m really looking forward to seeing her and many others on that episode along with the one and only Richard Simmons! From what I understand, the episode will air on the 16th, check your local listings as they say!

The Who performed “Who Are You?” at the Super Bowl, and that song made me think and really wonder about something. There are some long time readers from near the beginning that I have never identified. I have no idea their name or if they have a blog. All I know is a location. Riga, Latvia. It’s shown up consistently on my map from nearly the very start and I’ve never identified them. I’m just curious. If you’re the longtime reader from Latvia, please speak up! And thank you for reading! There’s also a regular reader on a US Military installation on the Western Coast of Africa. Or how about the reader that occasionally checks in from Iceland, or St. Johns, or Paris, France? Who are you? I really want to know! But I understand if you wish to remain anonymous. Regardless---I sincerely appreciate your readership and support!

Courtney declined dinner tonight because she had a little something earlier at her mom’s place and she wasn’t feeling so good tonight. I decided to prepare an omelet, I did---again with whole eggs. Hmmm…I know it’s nutritious to occasionally have a whole egg, but I’m not sure about six in 24 hours. I was calorie boosting to hit 1800, I’ll admit it. I added a couple of ounces of cheese too. It was a big hearty omelet, I mean---filling!

Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure this transformation is all real. I hold my jeans up and think those are way too small, and they’re not, they are perfect. I look in the mirror and think are those my cheekbones? And what is that bump on my wrist,? oh---my stylus bone. And this? Oh—the base of my sternum. And when I lay on my side, I can’t help but pinch my skin just millimeters from my lovely protruding hipbone, did you read that??? My hipbone! I have two of ‘em! I pinch myself when I realize that I can sleep anywhere at anytime without the assistance of a C-PAP machine, I can breathe again. I don’t have to worry about taking medications anymore---those days are gone. Yeah—dang it, get here my friend. I want you to feel what I'm feeling. Please get here. Because it’s the most beautiful feeling, it really is amazing. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 511 Super Sunday Reminds Me of Potential

Day 511

Super Sunday Reminds Me of Potential

Sunday morning came a little lonely today. Courtney spends a good deal of time at her mom’s house. I started my routine today by brewing the coffee and giving my metabolism something to work on. I grabbed a banana first and then contemplated my options. I settled for a breakfast pizza on pita flat bread. It was really good and only 175 calories. I prepared the breakfast and logged on the computer to write Day 510. The computer started acting really crazy and before long it became very clear. I have another virus. I ran my anti-virus and spy bot program, but it didn’t matter. This is becoming an every three month type deal. It’s crazy. I wish I knew what kind of low life sits around all day creating these viruses. I immediately closed everything down and unplugged my internet connection. Now it’s back to writing this blog at the studio until it’s all fixed again. And again, I’m faced with the anxiety over all of my files. I really hope it’s all OK and repairable.

Nothing stops me from writing this blog. I may have to recount the previous days events, but it gets updated everyday regardless of my circumstances. It’s a consistent commitment I made from Day 1 and the result? It’s kept me on track and accountable. I can’t count the number of good choices I’ve made because I knew I’d be answering to the computer screen later, and then I end up feeling great for making the good choice.

Kyle Gershman mentioned Woman’s Day magazine in his comment yesterday. I’m with you on that one Kyle. Their incredible weight loss headlines have sold millions of dollars worth of magazines over the years, but very rarely do I see one that is something I could understand and accept as normal. Have I read them? Yes! I grew up with them in the house. Mom’s been buying Woman’s Day magazine for as long as I can remember. I despise most of these supermarket checkout headlines because their main goal isn’t to help people, it’s to sell magazines. If they do believe their own print, then they seriously need to dive into the truth. The only problem is the truth isn’t as exciting as “lose 10 pounds by Friday with this new super miracle drink!” Something more exciting than that headline? The results the truth can bring…yeah, pretty exciting stuff.

My relatively peaceful afternoon was suddenly shaken by my youngest sobbing on the phone. Her backpack had fallen from her vehicle into the street and by the time she noticed and went back, it was gone. She had all of her school books and homework, plus her iPod and camera. It was devastating to her. We looked for it a while and then I decided I would appeal for it’s safe return on the air tomorrow morning. (as of this writing—someone did leave it in the parking lot of the school, it was turned in minus her iPod and camera) When something horrible like this happens, you just hope the right person finds it, someone who would feel good about returning everything to it’s rightful owner. She wasn’t that lucky this time.

I don’t know if it’s the Super Bowl that makes me think about potential or what, but I found myself thinking about my individual potential. Then I read last years Super Bowl Sunday post and found that I was thinking about the same thing on that big day. Here’s an excerpt from last years Super Bowl Sunday, Day 140:

Why is it so important for me to go all the way on this journey without fail? One word: Potential. That word has haunted me my entire life. I've always had “potential.” We all do, but aside from being a good dad, I've always fell short of mine.

It started in grade school when the teacher would tell my mom that if I would apply myself, I had the potential to be a straight A student. In junior high, the assistant principle called me in his office and discussed the potential I possessed athletically. I was a large boy and he wanted to mold me into a powerhouse football player. All I had to do was follow his coaching and get in that weight room everyday after school. He could see potential. During my teen years I excelled at putting (organized Putt-Putt leagues) but still I wasn't living up to my potential. After three trips to nationals in Memphis, my best was 36th in the championship. They don't even give you a participation ribbon for 36th. I had the potential to become a champion putter, but fell short every time.

In high school Mr. West challenged me to make an A in his class. He knew I had the potential and I knew he was using psychology on me, but I showed him anyway when I turned in the effort and ended up with a 103% A+.

In my radio career I've been told that I have the potential to someday be a major market personality. Well, maybe I'm not finished working on that potential.

In my stand-up comedy career, the word “potential” was used from my very first performance. I'll never forget the laughter that night. When I exited the stage, the bartender told me it gave him goosebumps to see how well I did. Goosebumps? Wow, I must have potential! I remember an MC in a Dallas club telling the audience after I finished my set, “remember that name, cause he's going places.” And when a talent coordinator for CBS took a liking to me, I knew I had to move to Los Angeles. Because I had potential by golly! When I became a paid regular at the Hollywood Improv in less than a month and a half after arriving, well...my potential was obviously clear.

I also had potential to be a great Dad, and that was far more important than any bright lights of Hollywood. I'm cruising along in the daddy and husband department and living up to my potential there everyday. But I can't say the same for any other area in my life.

I've never lived up to my potential when it comes to losing weight. I have the potential to go all the way and become trim and fit for the first time in my entire life. And I'm not letting this potential slip away. Not this one, because it's extremely critical to every other part of my life. I have potential to really do something wonderful here. And there isn't a food that taste good enough or a couch that is comfortable enough to keep me from what I have to do to reach my goals. I'm tired and fed up with doing things half way. I'm sickened by all the wasted “potential” I've left behind. That is what drives me to attack each day with an attitude of a winner.

I'm going to win this battle against my weight. And when I feel shaky, I have to ask myself questions. Why am I feeling this way? What are the consequences if I make too many bad choices? What have I learned along the way? I've learned that changing lifelong bad habits is a lot of work. But it's so worth it! So I keep on track, day in and day out, and I write about it every night. If I didn't have this time every night with my thoughts and feelings, I can't say how I'd be doing right now. Writing every night forces me to analyze my feelings, my weaknesses, my victories, and it forces me to constantly renew my strength. For anyone starting a journey like this, I highly recommend writing and keeping a journal or diary. If you want the accountability factor, then make it public, if not, then at least keep a personal diary of how you feel about each day. I've let myself down too many times and this will not be one of them. How do I know? Because like I've said many times before, I've decided. This decision is like the biggest bull dozer in the world. There's not an excuse that can get in the way without getting bulldozed.

If you like before and after pictures, be sure to check out Jack Sh*t’s blog. Here’s a link to a wonderful post he’s put together for Monday: http://jackfit.blogspot.com/2010/02/before-after.html I was honored to be included. And as I read---my jaw dropped at these amazing transformations. Oh wow, check them out! Thanks Jack for another fantastic post!

I’ll wrap up this Sunday post by saying what I say every time. Thank you for reading. I hope you realize I sincerely appreciate your support! I get really busy often and sometimes take forever to respond to e-mails and questions, please understand. Thanks again. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 510 I Can Smile Now and The Work

Day 510

I Can Smile Now and The Work

A blogging friend told me I needed to smile more. You know what? They’re right! I do need to smile more. I really do smile frequently---just sometimes, when I’m taking an “in-progress” picture, I think that a non-smile look will show the biggest contrast. I need therapy! The truth is simple: It doesn’t matter how big I smile, my 236 pound transformation is still undeniably incredible---I say that at the risk of sounding boastful. It’s all smiles. ;)

I often smiled in big before pictures, but I wasn’t really smiling inside. Those weren't "before" pictures back then, they were "sad reality" pictures. I never embraced my morbid obesity. It never made me smile. One genuine smile now is worth a million of those before picture smiles. It’s real now.

Today was a busy Saturday to say the least. I decided to skip the breakfast fare and go straight to a lunch type dish. It was a great move! I cut up some onion and green and red peppers, grilled six ounces of skinless chicken breast, and threw it all together for some amazing chicken fajita pitas. The chicken checked in at 165 calories, the 1.5 ounces of mozzarella was 120, the two pitas were 120 total---add another 30 calories for veggies and salsa, and the tasty looking chicken fajita pitas you see below came in at 435 calories. It was a wonderful lunch and a great calorie value! I easily could have eliminated the mozzarella for a count of 315, but that’s cool, I like the cheese. While I have plenty of Joseph’s Oat Bran, Flax Seed, and Whole Wheat pitas right now (thanks to a dear friend), I must search them out on the web and contact some grocery store managers about stocking this stuff. I love ‘em, can you tell?

After lunch it was time to start thinking about my workout. The YMCA was the plan, and what a wonderful plan it turned out to be. I hit the weight room first, doing exactly what Melissa has suggested---and a few extra lifts I like. I enjoy the butterfly press and the lat pulldown, I do!

After a weight room performance to feel proud about, I hit the stairs. Running stairs is very cool. After spending a lifetime avoiding stairs at all cost, it’s very cool to run up a few flights without feeling like sudden and imminent death is chasing me. I actually went up three and down three- four times for a total of twelve flights. I had to take a breather before heading to the treadmill for a run. OK…maybe not a run, but a nice walk/jog. Several have suggested I check out the couch to 5K plan and I think that’s a great idea! I need to increase my jogging endurance. The workout left me sweating like crazy and feeling incredible. It was so nice!

I headed home after the Y to shower and get ready for a busy evening. I don’t shower at the YMCA or anywhere but home for that matter, unless it’s a private shower. I’m way to shy and insecure to just walk into a shower room full of shower heads and start in scrubbing. Maybe someday I’ll be able to do that, but no---that someday may never come actually. Just being honest. A friend of mine recently recounted her experience in the Y locker room when she realized she had to get dressed in front of a packed room. She overcame her insecurities and did it! I’m proud of her, but I’m not there. Give me several months of weight training and skin removal surgery---and then maybe. I’m just ultra sensitive with these issues, I’ve always been that way. PE class was torture as the fat kid. Good thing PE came late in the day, because I never showered or changed clothes at school---ever!

I attended a wonderful health talk by Dr. Amy this evening at Melissa Walden’s house. The topic was all about The Work. It was an amazing discussion and learning experience. I’m looking forward to learning more about the work. We did a simple exercise that revealed to me that I’ve naturally put some of these ideas to work in the complete understanding and repaired relationship with my father. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that’s what I did to achieve complete forgiveness. "The Work" by Byron Katie is a masterpiece—it deserves more of my attention, and it’s going to get it! You can find out more about it at www.thework.com

I attended the health talk from 5:30 to 7:30 and then it was off to the Ponca Playhouse for their production of “Proof.” I put together some sound cues for this production and even had a credit in the program as “sound designer and operator,” OK---I’m not sure how much operating I did---But I’ll take it! Thank you! It was a fabulous production, expertly directed with a talented cast. It was powerful indeed.

I arrived home and touched base with both of my daughters, my mom, and a friend--all via telephone. Amber and Courtney are doing well. I wish I could encourage Amber to update her blog more frequently, it could really help make a difference for her like it has me. She knows this. I’m so proud of both of my girls. How lucky am I? Pretty darn lucky I tell ya!

Mom is once again struggling. She told me she was searching Web MD for different diets. I didn’t say anything, it was late. But mom---I know you read this everyday. You don’t have to search for anything. You have the power to do exactly what you’ve been doing and what I’ve done. Don’t search for a temporary means to lose weight. Just accept the simplicity of an all-natural progression of good choices and exercise. You must stop driving yourself nuts looking for the “magical” diet. I’m your son, you know this! Stop reading this blog like I’m your son, and start reading it like a roadmap to success written by someone else who has been wildly successful at losing weight. We’re two of a kind momma, we’re just like one another, you know this…and you can do this just like me. I know you can. I love you mom. Smile! ;)

Tonight, I laid my head to rest on a wonderful Saturday. This is the feeling I love. I said this from the very beginning: I’m going to feel good when my head hits the pillow because I’ll know that I did everything I needed to do to succeed today. This was a good day. It’s certainly something to smile about indeed. Thank you for reading. Good night and…

Good Choices,
Sean


Chicken Fajita Pitas. No recipe needed. Just chop, cook, mix, and enjoy!


Big Before picture---With my late Grandpa Roy Anderson. I know he’s so proud of me.


Ok---I just woke up. I look older first thing in the morning. ;)


When I smile, I like to smile big. This is the same big smile from the before picture on the left hand side bar of this blog. I’m silly sometimes.

Day 509 Turning Off Cruise Control and Zeusmeatball's Liquid Inspiration

Day 509

Turning Off Cruise Control and Zeusmeatball's Liquid Inspiration

As I read Day 144 today (I read a year old post everyday) I noticed a fired up---hitting on all cylinders attitude. I had just come off a double milestone weigh day the day before with a seven pound loss that crossed the 100 pounds lost mark and sent me flying into the 390's. It was the thick of it, the fire was burning hot---and it still burns, but I've allowed the flames to calm a little too much. I've lost another 129 pounds since that day and now, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I must find that gear again if I ever want to fully realize my fitness goals. And I do want it. And I will reach it. I need to stop enjoying my transformation so much. What do I mean by that? Oh, it's nothing I haven't talked about several times in these writings. At this point along the road things are drastically and wonderfully different, it's too easy to become settled and thrilled with the difference. When you come this far, and feel this good for the first time in your life, it's real easy to slowly cruise along. I'm turning off the cruise control.

I think I'm normal. And when you consider the many changes I'm experiencing, you realize how easy it might become to just cruise along. As much as I say “I refuse to allow my circumstances to become an excuse enabling this slow cruise to my goals,” that's essentially what I've done. I have had people tell me how surprised they are that I haven't completely crashed already. I know too much to ever go back, so I'm not worried about crashing, but cruising along in a comfy zone? Yeah, that's a different story. Again, cruise control OFF!

So what am I going to do about breaking that comfort zone? I'm going to get back into my workout groove where nothing stops me from getting it done. I'm going to become fanatical about certain foods (like making sure I eat some steel cut oats everyday) and water consumption---oh boy—if ever there was a glaring imperfection on my journey, it's inconsistent water consumption. But I've done it the way I've done it, and along the way I've proven that you can do it without being perfect. Too many times in the past I've tried to be perfect, and that leads straight to a crash every time. We don't crash around here and we're not perfect. But we are successful---and that's the ultimate goal, right?

My role model in the water consumption category is Zeusmeatball over at One Man's Trip To The Half. You can find his blog at www.zeusmeatball.blogspot.com The guy has lost over 200 pounds like me, yep we're in the same exclusive club and he really inspires me to drink more water. He often drinks more than a gallon a day. I read his blog and come away thinking, wow---that's a lot of water...I need to drink like that!

We had a mandatory meeting today at the Poncan Theatre. The construction crews are working on renovations for our new state of the art studios and business offices. We took a tour and the plan was to have a company provided pizza lunch. I declined the lunch. Yesterday I had a lunch I wasn't happy about, and it wasn't going to happen two days in a row! I was prepared with some fruit and a chicken breast back at the studio. I had the fruit, skipped the chicken, and made myself a shrimp and veggie pita pizza when I arrived back at the apartment. I wasn't sacrificing in the name of convenience today!

I grabbed a nap this afternoon. I know, I know, but I needed it to be able to make it late into my Friday with friends. I have to decide when a nap is acceptable. Not all naps are created equal, some are needed, some are just lazy excuses to not do other things we need to be doing. This was an acceptable nap.

As I write this Friday post the next day, recounting a wonderful day along this road---I have my eye on lunch and a killer workout at the YMCA. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean