Saturday, November 21, 2015

November 21st, 2015 Calorie Confident

November 21st, 2015 Calorie Confident

I'm looking forward to releasing another Winning Loser Video Blog tomorrow night. I recently received an email from a reader who watched the scale episode, but was unaware of the others. I'll figure out how better to feature these along the side bar, until then, I'm posting all five previous episodes on this post.

My expectations and schedule was fairly out of line with reality. In episode 1.5 I mention releasing one per week. Yeah--that wasn't realistic or hasn't been, so far. And I'm cool with this. I enjoy doing these as I can along the way. More will come! 

Winning Loser Video Blog library thus far...






Today started early, with a special fundraising radio show for an area high school marching band. They're invited to play at the Peach Bowl in Atlanta on December 31st. We handed them the keys to the radio station, and they did remarkably well! I was part of the studio staff engineering and producing the broadcast behind the scenes. My Saturday's normally don't start at 5:30am, but for a good cause, I can make an exception.

After last night's falling asleep in my recliner thing, I was lucky to get back to sleep by 2am--so it was a short rest overnight. I planned on a midday nap and that happened. It had to happen!

I managed the day well, considering the unusual schedule.

My car made it out of the shop today. What a relief! I picked it up after the broadcast and made my way to the store to grab ingredients for some vegetable beef soup before returning home for some homemade guacamole and chips--getting the soup started and napping.

I made time for a great workout late this afternoon before heading to the Ground Round Grill and Bar down the street to watch the Oklahoma State-Baylor football game and enjoy dinner. The game didn't go the way I hoped. The dinner did go exactly the way I wanted.

I never hesitate to ask for what I need. I've yet to find a restaurant unwilling to accommodate my special requests. I didn't want the glaze on my chicken because glaze equals sugar. I didn't want flour tortillas, I wanted soft corn tortillas instead. I didn't want oil used on my peppers and onions. And... I wanted lettuce, sour cream and a small side of shredded cheese--all separate, on the side. They nailed every aspect of my special order. It was perfect. I was calorie confident. And I value that kind of certainty. This approach isn't unusual for me while dining out. I rarely even use a menu. I know what they have, I know how I want it and I make the request in a very polite, can you help me out, kind of way.

It's been a well rounded day. I smashed my #watergoal with 15 cups. Not a record, but big for me. Making sure I get enough water has always been a challenge, especially before I instituted the water accountability tweets. I've hit a minimum of 8 cups 99% of the time since starting those over a year ago. Before--not even close. Accountability measures work!

I'm wrapping my Saturday and feeling great about it all the way around. Our station did a good thing this morning, my car is fixed, I made some great soup, I got my nap, I worked out well, I ordered my dinner out with a focus on exactly what I needed and my Oklahoma State Cowboys...oooh, wait, unfortunately they lost the game.

I guess it wasn't great all the way around. But it was close. And close works well.

My Tweets Today:
















































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 2 comments:

Friday, November 20, 2015

November 20th, 2015 How To Ride The Ride

November 20th, 2015 How To Ride The Ride

I was out of eggs this morning. I made an adjustment and moved on.

My desperately needed car repair couldn't wait another day. It went in the shop. They soon called to tell me it'll cost more than the original estimate and take an extra day. I really thought they were calling to say, "it's ready!" I made an adjustment and moved on.

My workday turned out to be busier than I expected. I made an adjustment and moved on.

I decided to take a break after dinner. The plan was to relax for an hour in my recliner. This isn't an ordinary recliner, it's an old--well worn (translation: Comfortable) Lazy-Boy Big Man's recliner. This recliner has been in my living space longer than this blog. I hardly ever make time to enjoy its relaxing recline. When I'm home, I'm at my desk or in the kitchen or in bed. I've gone two and three months at a time without ever sitting in that recliner.

Once upon a time, I used that recliner all the time. And almost every time, as if it had special powers, I'd fall asleep.

Some things remain the same.

Amber gifted me the Back To The Future 30th Anniversary Trilogy set of DVD's. It's packed with fascinating special features. I've watched some. I wanted to watch more, tonight.

So I tried...in the recliner...with my apples and orange, remote in hand... I lasted about 20 minutes. I woke up after a long three hour snooze accompanied by Alan Silvestri's big score playing on loop for the title/menu screen. I don't remember dreaming but if I did, it had an adventurous score!

My plan to get into the gym for my workout after this entertainment break? Not happening tonight.

Tomorrow starts very early. My challenge now is to go back to sleep as quickly as possible.

I'll make some adjustments and move on.

Things don't always go perfectly as planned. And that's okay. I've learned how to ride the ride, hold on tighter when needed and always smile when the plan gets tilted. This ability starts with a willingness to be flexible and make adjustments keeping me from getting tilted. My job isn't to be in complete control of the ride. My job is to do my best at making necessary adjustments in an effort to maintain balance along the way. Like a bull rider, a surfer, skateboarder or hoverboard rider. 

Besides, if everything always unfolded as planned, we would rarely learn anything new.

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, November 19, 2015

November 19th, 2015 Two Maneuvers

November 19th, 2015 Two Maneuvers

I sincerely appreciate the support I received for yesterday's post titled "I Didn't Die." I'm really proud of that one. For anyone experiencing a dramatic transformation or even family and friends of someone who is quickly becoming physically unrecognizable, the perspective we choose determines so many important things. If you haven't read yesterday's post, please do.  

Today was a really busy day. Whenever I know a day like today is on the schedule, it requires special attention and planning. I had a good food plan worked out and shared my schedule/plan/concerns with support friends. These two maneuvers put me in a great position to have another successful day.

It was a successful day. I designated today a rest day from my workout.

I emceed a special fundraiser event at the high school this evening before running into the store for a few things--then home to prepare a fast dinner.

I'm hitting the pillow within minutes and letting the tweets take it the rest of the way.

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, November 18, 2015

November 18th, 2015 I Didn't Die

November 18th, 2015 I Didn't Die

Over five years ago on August 28th, 2010, I found myself struggling a little bit with the dramatic transformation of appearance. The following is an excerpt. And it comes with its own excerpt... It's an excerpt within an excerpt:

I've looked at the pictures over and over, and it's strange, but I really do kind of miss that guy. I "get it." That guy was affected in so many different ways. Ok, I need to stop talking about my previous physical appearance like it was someone who passed away. But, in many ways it is just like that.
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I was that big for so long and my personal appearance, the morbid obesity, helped shape my personality and social behaviors. What has remained the same are my thoughts, beliefs, fears, and personal values--the stuff I know inside, when I'm all alone---just me. That guy is exactly the same. I love that guy too. It all reminds me of the reaction of my now ex-sister in law, when she laid eyes on me for the first time in a long time. It was almost a year ago:

 Wait-- I need to interrupt this excerpt--because I noticed something noteworthy. That was written over five years ago. I listed the things remaining after dramatic weight loss--- Important things, for sure--thoughts, beliefs, fears and personal values. Knowing what I know now--some critical things were missing from the list. The core elements of me go far deeper. I didn't mention my likes, dislikes, passions, talents and core qualities--all of the things that contribute to personal happiness. No wonder I hit goal a few months after that was written--and still wasn't truly happy. I couldn't even acknowledge them--forget about nurturing these core elements. Okay--now, let's go to the excerpt within the excerpt---this goes back to 2009:

My sister-in-law is staying the night with us. Irene has several sisters, and this one hasn't seen me in a really long time. I really don't know how to take her reaction to the much smaller me. She was shocked, I mean in total disbelief. She told me I looked great and that she was happy that I was healthier for the effort and then she did something unexpected. 

 She started crying. It wasn't tears of happiness, these were grieving tears. 

 She was grieving the loss of the old me. She said “My entire life you've looked the same and now that person is gone.” 

 I assured her that I was still me inside. I still have all of the memories, all of the feelings, all of the humor, I'm Sean Anderson, that will never change! She kept wiping away her tears and we hugged, to which she replied “you don't even hug the same.” 

 I guess I didn't realize how much she loved me. It really touched me deeply. I love her too. Judging from her reaction, you would have thought I had died. And I explained to her that I would have died in the next five or ten years more than likely, had I stayed at over 500 pounds. 

 She just kept going on about it. She'll never see the old Sean again, and that just devastated her completely. It wasn't the reaction I expected at all.
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It's really a swim through a giant pool of emotions when I look at my before pictures. I can absolutely relate to the feelings my sister-in-law expressed. I look at those old pictures and I feel sorry for that guy. He's gone. He'll never be back. He'll never walk into the room. He'll never walk onto that stage. That guy died a long time ago. 

I must correct my 2010 self. I didn't die.

That guy is me. That guy didn't die, he came alive. 

 I love that guy. 

 He's alive and living. Not dead and gone. The opposite of dead!
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My perspective has been transformed. I don't look at before pictures the same as I once did. I also don't look at "now" pictures the same.
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I look at "Before" and "Now" pictures with a perspective focused on the innate, common qualities of the individual. I see one person. Not two.

It feels great to be transformed and live life at a healthier weight, for sure. And I hold my recovery tight because I value the benefits of the healthier weight. But...

My happiness is no longer found in external sources. My happiness is found and was always available for discovery, in the core elements of me. 505 pound me, then and 214 pound me, today--same person, same core elements and the same opportunity for happiness.
----------------------------------------------------------
It was a busy day. I was productive at work. I made time for excellent support interactions. I made time to prepare some good food and I made time for a great workout. My goals for today were met.

Now, sleep!

My Tweets Today:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, November 17, 2015

November 17th, 2015 Was I Dreaming?

November 17th, 2015 Was I Dreaming?

I stumbled into the studio this morning after a long night. We had storms move through and I was operating on little sleep. Was I dreaming when I walked in and found more than a dozen pies, a couple dozen cookies and a dozen or more muffins, oh--and a couple of coffee cakes? No, I wasn't dreaming. I remembered Perkins Restaurant and Bakery was scheduled to be on my show to talk about ordering holiday pies and bakery items. I missed the part about them bringing the entire bakery to the studio. It was an epic display. I could smell the sugar. It was thick in the air.

It wasn't a dream. And it wasn't a nightmare. And that's an awesome thing.

We had a great interview and posted pics on station social media. It was a solid marketing maneuver for our client. For me, it made for a fantastic photo op and an opportunity to strengthen my resolve for continued abstinence from refined sugar.
photo In20studio20bakery_zpsa5g2jtac.jpg
I'm not compelled. I didn't experience struggle this morning at all. I don't eat refined sugar, period. It's one of my non-negotiable elements. BUT--Just to be safe, I took the precaution of communicating with a couple of support friends, including Life Coach Gerri. I shared pictures and enjoyed a brief text message discussion about the importance of my abstinence.

I've received many questions about my abstinence from refined sugar. Hardly a week passes where I don't receive at least one question about this topic.

To better understand my path to abstinence, it's important to start from the beginning. The following is an excerpt from a previous post where I spent some time explaining this topic as it applies to my experience:  

This was one of the biggest points of contention for me since I started losing weight in 2008.
I lost 275 pounds eating cake, ice cream and desserts--all within reasonable portions at appropriate times. Using prior success as a reference, It made it very hard to get to a place of acceptance for abstinence, where I am now. (currently 565 days strong)

How did I stay consistent during my initial weight loss as long as I did, despite all the sugary foods in moderation?

In hindsight, I clearly see how my support and accountability system importance level was set so high, I didn't dare give in to the struggle, temptation and the obsessive like attraction to "getting more."

There were a lot of prayers and meditation--surrounding myself with people, instead of isolating--and connecting as much as possible with a variety of support sources.

When I basically abandoned almost every support and accountability component I had leaned on for so long--then it was a very different dynamic. Suddenly I was dramatically weakened.

When the bio-chemical reactions of sugar addiction swirled through my brain, I followed its lead without question--as if possessed. I traded one struggle for another. Instead of struggling against the compulsions to binge, I gave in--then struggled with the regret, shame and embarrassment associated with weight gain and the guilt associated with doing the very things I wanted to be diametrically opposed. 

I was very much NOT wanting to let go of the sugar or, the option to enjoy it occasionally in portioned doses...

My denial was slowly revealed and chipped away by learning.

I kept researching the effects of sugar, specifically the addictive nature of it, and then as if I was destined to hear--I kept having conversations with people in recovery from food addiction---people who have what I want--years of maintenance behind them--and 100% of them said the same thing in relation to sugar and how it creates a bio-chemical reaction in our pleasure sensors---and then sets off the addictive cycle of, "I gotta have more and NOW!!!!" Every single long term maintenance person I spoke with had abstinence from refined sugar in common. Every single one.

Once I gave it an honest commitment, I finally experienced what everyone was talking and writing about. The most amazing benefits I once thought were impossible to find for me--were changing me in the most wonderful ways.

No binges and no urges to binge.

They described this feeling--the peace, the calm, the clarity---the solid foundation making it easier for all other nutritional decisions...but still, until I actually committed to the effort needed to personally "test" it, it was like they were speaking of some mythical fantasy.

I do recognize that I have a similar and many ways stronger support and accountability system in place now--but even still--I'm not fighting to maintain control. There's a peace and calm about my approach that I'm absolutely in love with.  If trading the occasional sugar for this feeling is the deal...then I'll sign a lifetime contract. That's the long answer to my perspective.

Will I ever go back to eating ice cream, cakes and other sugar laden things? I pray I never do. My short answer is no, I don't plan on ever going back. I now know, understand and appreciate what I must do in order to stay abstinent.  I also know that if I ever decide to abandon the principles and practices of my personal recovery, I'll surely go straight back to the very familiar reality of an unmanageable and chaotic existence.

It's important to note that fortunately, not everyone is a food and/or sugar addict. For some, the basic fundamentals of eating less, exercising more and developing an "in moderation" approach to food is the answer. I wanted it to be my answer. And as much as I wanted to wish it into being--summoning the law of attraction and constantly telling myself I was someone who could be okay with a non-addict approach to recovery--I finally realized it wasn't me.

And it's okay. I'm okay. I'm no longer trying to be someone else's normal. This is my normal.

And I have a wonderful, rich and fulfilling life ahead of me without refined sugar.

The acceptance of and fully embracing my personal truth of addiction, along with some life changing epiphanies about identity and self-worth, have sent me straight to a very positive place.

I love this feeling and I wouldn't trade it for all the Snickers Bars and mint chocolate chip shakes in the world. (or pies, coffee cakes, cookies or muffins!)

Truth is, all it takes for that transaction to happen is one Snickers or one shake. 

I'm happily abstinent from refined sugar.
-------------------------------------------------

I had a full body weight training session this afternoon. I will be feeling it for a couple days, for sure! Trainer Amie is a pro. I only have her training long enough to get me started and comfortable. She's giving me what I need to handle the weight training without her guidance.

Life Coach Gerri gave me the night off from the teleconference support group. She handled it solo. I was reluctant to miss the call, but after the last 24 hours--it was a generous offer from Gerri and a smart move for me to accept.

I made a fantastic dinner tonight and I'm headed to bed early for some quality sleep.

My Tweets Today:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, November 16, 2015

November 16th, 2015 Tweets Only

November 16th, 2015 Tweets Only

It's been a super long day. Doing a Tweets Only edition in anticipation of a middle of the night broadcast weather coverage activation.

I hope your Monday was a good one!

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 1 comment:

Sunday, November 15, 2015

November 15th, 2015 Daydreams

November 15th, 2015 Daydreams

Positive visualizations have been a constant practice for me along this road. Daydreaming the future, allowing yourself to see it, feel it--almost touch it, is very powerful.

I ran across an excerpt from Day 11, all the way back to 2008. I shared some daydreams of mine that night. This was over seven years ago. I was still married and still somewhere around 500 pounds--It was Day 11, so probably in the 490's. Most of these daydreams have become reality at some point along the way.

And please, remember, when you read the part about "growing old with my wife." Irene and I have the most wonderful post-divorce relationship two people could ever hope to have. Our relationship today is built on mutual respect, support and a genuine love and caring for one another's well being. I've been told it's a rare thing. It's a beautiful thing. Besides, having two daughters and a grandson (and more someday, likely) will actually, God willing, find us growing old together as parents and grandparents.

When I read this earlier today, I immediately had flashbacks to the very moments these daydreams transitioned from dreams to reality. I've had a few airplane rides since, where fitting in the seat wasn't a worry in the least. I'll never forget our family amusement park trip when we rode every roller coaster in the park--not because we love coasters--simply because I could fit and it felt amazing to fit. Thank goodness for motion sickness tablets. We passed those around that day like we once passed around antacids.

I remember driving a friends Corvette and test driving a two seat Mazda Miata--and just the other day, that tiny little two seat Crossfire was an amazing drive--all of these vehicles would have been impossible to sit in at my heaviest.

The big ones though--oh my, those daydreams are still unfolding into reality all the time. Walking Amber down the aisle was one of them and spending quality time with my grandson was and continues to be another.

My grandson Noah is with me tonight. I'm hitting the pillow a very grateful, blessed and happy man in so many ways. And many of these blessings started as motivating thoughts--daydreams. Let's go back more than seven years---

Day 11--September 25th, 2008:

 I always carry with me my motivating thoughts. And if you're trying to lose weight too, you should always have a daydream ready to go. 

 I daydream about what I will see when I look in the mirror someday. I daydream about buying clothes that look good, fit perfectly, and don't cost a bunch extra. I daydream about seeing people I haven't run into in years and them walking right by, not recognizing me. Maybe I didn't want to talk to them anyway...how convenient that will be! 

 I daydream about flying on an airplane without any worry about the size of the seat, flying without hoping they put me next to a really slender person, so I can bully away a third of their seat. Flying with my wife without her giving up all of her comfort because my elbow is embedded in her ribs (we've only flown together once in our lives, and that poor girl was squished most of the way—yet I don't remember her ever complaining about it---she loves me so much!) I daydream about getting into any vehicle without worrying if I'm going to fit. I daydream about going to an amusement park---and I don't even like rides---But I still daydream about going and riding on rides without being embarrassed because the bar can't “click”. 

 But you know what daydreams motivate me most? Daydreams about growing old with my wonderful wife, daydreams about watching my kids grow into successful adults, daydreams about walking my daughters down the isle, daydreams about being there for my grandchildren, daydreams about seeing my family and friends getting in shape, being healthy, and living longer too. 

 These are the daydreams and motivating thoughts that keep me going strong everyday. Soon those daydreams will become reality because I've decided they will. 

 What do you daydream?

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We had fun with bubbles!!
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This little guy was full of energy tonight. I matched him every step of the way.

It was an awesome food day, too!! My lunch (see tweet below) was a big favorite of mine. Incredibly satisfying in every way. The turkey dinner tonight was fantastic. Noah loves roasted turkey breast. Homemade mashed red potatoes with butter, half & half and salt/pepper, with homemade turkey gravy, was something different for me and crazy delicious!!

My Tweets Today:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, November 14, 2015

November 14th, 2015 A Daily Practice

November 14th, 2015 A Daily Practice

For whatever reason, I had trouble sleeping in this morning. No alarm and still, up a little after 8am. Granted, this is nearly four hours later than a typical weekday, but still, I was shooting for 10am. I immediately decided there would be a nap at some point.

I did exactly what I planned to do today. I relaxed, rested well, made time to read a few things I've been wanting to read, did some writing, prepared some great food, experienced some good support exchanges, had a great workout and enjoyed dinner out with my oldest daughter. No work commitments or anything else, just some really good quality time all the way around. Oh, and my hometown football team made it out of Ames, Iowa with a win after trailing the entire game. I'm pretty pleased with today.

Life Coach Gerri is always writing things that fit me like the most comfortable pair of shoes. Occasionally, I plan on sharing some of her wisdom on this blog. Here's a sampling:

 From Life Coach Gerri Helms:
"When I stopped eating compulsively, I experienced feelings in a new way; they were intense.  I didn’t know how it felt to be happy — I was wildly excited. And instead of feeling sad, I went directly to deeply depressed. Since I wasn’t anesthetizing those feelings with food, they came popping out of me, trapped for half my life under mounds and mounds of food.  It took me quite some time to get those emotions to settle down to more of a middle-of-the-road experience."

 This offering from my friend is powerful. For anyone who has used food (or anything else) to stuff down emotions and then stopped using, you likely relate, too. Experiencing feelings without the buffer of excessive food, at first---oh my, it's challenging. I like how she put it, "they came popping out of me, trapped for half my life under mounds and mounds of food."

 If you're new along this road, I'm here to tell you--when you first start handling emotions/feelings and stress without loads of food, it can be intense. But as Gerri writes, it does level off.

The peace and clarity that came with my abstinence from refined sugar and my overall "food sobriety," provided a stable foundation where I could suddenly make better decisions and deal with things more directly in positive ways. Is it perfect? Not at all. I have very little experience handling things in positive ways. I'm much more experienced at stuffing down emotions and stress with food.

Making support connections important while maintaining the integrity of my calorie budget and abstinence from refined sugar, are critical elements of my turnaround from relapse/regain and critically important for my continued recovery in maintenance. It's a daily practice.

My Tweets Today:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, November 13, 2015

November 13th, 2015 Right Here At Home

November 13th, 2015 Right Here At Home

First thing,

The horrific news coming out of Paris is hard to process and understand. My thoughts and prayers are with those directly affected. I know of a couple regular readers who live in Paris. I hope and pray they're okay. I didn't even know what happened until my location broadcast ended late this afternoon.
 
My workday started early and ended late. Twelve hours passed from the time I walked out my door before six am until I walked back through, exhausted. The exhaustion had less to do with the physical movement of my day and more to do with my habit of not getting enough sleep the night before.

The afternoon included my car overheating, suggesting a possible stuck thermostat and perhaps a leak in a hose. This vehicle development encouraged me to cancel some weekend travel plans for a retreat of sorts a few hours North of here. A good friend of mine invited me to stay a couple of relaxing days with his family in the small Kansas town where they live. It was to be a good weekend of writing, relaxing, exercising and refreshing. I'll get the car checked on Monday and reschedule this retreat for another weekend. In the meantime, since I'm off from broadcasting duties this weekend, I'll make a point to write, relax, exercise and refresh--right here at home.

I didn't have any second thoughts about a late nap. I took a great nap. It was necessary and refreshing. It pushed everything back a ways, but I'm open on my schedule at the moment and it allows me to stay up later working on things important to me. I can sleep in tomorrow.

I've postponed my solo weight training session from today to tomorrow. It wouldn't have been a problem had this been a normal schedule kind of day. It certainly wasn't. Postponing a day might give my muscles time to get over Wednesday's session. My goodness--I was sore today, even more than yesterday.

My location broadcast was at a car dealer this afternoon. And of course, they tried to sell me...
photo Two20Seater_zpsrcigvw5f.jpg
I'm not in a position to buy a vehicle on a whim, so it simply wasn't an option. However, I couldn't turn down the offer to drive this little two seat Chrysler Crossfire simply because there was a time--a very long time in my 500 pound existence, when I couldn't fit inside a tiny little two seat convertible. Now I can fit with plenty of room and physically, that's an incredible experience. The big question: Where would I put my grandson?

If you're on Twitter, follow my live-tweets in real time @SeanAAnderson

If you're on MyFitnessPal, I'd love to connect with you! My Username for MFP: SeanAAnderson

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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