Thursday, June 16, 2016

June 16th, 2016 Yes Man

June 16th, 2016 Yes Man

I really did it all wrong last night. It was an epic learning experience. 

I'll spare you the specific details of my schedule because those aren't the point or problem. Last night, I put myself in a very poor time management situation. My path to this was my occasional tendency to say "yes" when the best thing for me to do, was say "no." 

I've improved dramatically in this area. I spent a lot of years being a "yes man." I was always a yes man because I was afraid to say no, in fear someone might not like me. The interesting thing is this-- I didn't like me, so my constant search for external signs of love and acceptance was a primary focus, hoping-if enough people liked me, maybe I could be convinced I was worthy, somehow. And saying yes every time, even if it was the opposite of what was truly best for me in a particular situation, was-in my mind, the path to fixing this internal dislike. Trying to be everything to any and everybody, left me lost and hollow, most of the time.

I no longer operate that way. I love me, fully and unconditionally. And I don't give two flips if someone doesn't like me for whatever reason. They don't even need one, it's cool. It's none of my business why someone wouldn't.

I'm fine because I'm okay with me.

And that peace and calm is something I never knew or understood before this transformation. My brain is no longer constantly trying to answer the question, "will I be loved/liked?" My decisions are no longer dictated by this constantly running program. The program has been removed from my system directory. Because I'm okay with me. 

So what happened last night? Well, occasionally I still say yes when I need to say no. But it's not because I want to be liked or loved by someone. Now, it's difficult if it's someone for which I have enormous respect and admiration, and if that person is a loved one, a friend, a colleague or client--it's extra challenging. I love to listen to people's stories. So if I'm genuinely engaged in a fascinating conversation and the other person asks, "Do you have time for this?" I will sometimes say yes when I should have exited the conversation forty-five minutes ago. Or an hour and forty-five minutes ago.

The other part of the deal that became last night's epic learning experience was the accountability factor.

Maintaining integrity with accountability measures is something on a sacred level. It must be or the accountability measure loses its effectiveness.

I exchange goals with a few people each day. I typically include my list of non-negotiable elements. It basically looks like: "My goals today: Maintain the integrity of my calorie budget, remain abstinent from refined sugar and meet or exceed my daily water goal. I will do these things." And on a day when I feel I can't go another without a really good workout, I'll make an accountability declaration like I did yesterday: "I will go to the gym for a great workout, come what may."

 Come What May. 

 The idea of "come what may" is usually thought of as outside forces/circumstances, not circumstances created by less than the better choices.

To wrap this up-- and tie it all together, I was working out at 12:30am while listening to Arianna Huffington speak about the critical importance of getting enough sleep on Dan Harris's 10% Happier podcast. My life is often rich in irony.

 I kept my accountability declaration. And I felt great about that--because I had violated one the day before--and there wasn't any way I was about to break another. Maintaining integrity with accountability measures is critically important.

The key is making sure what I'm declaring to do is something I can do--and something I plan into my schedule--and understanding, what I do leading up to it makes a big difference...in other words, how I manage my time. If I'm not managing my time well, I shouldn't engage in "come what may" accountability declarations.

I take it serious for a reason. Without this importance level, I'd still be over five hundred pounds or six feet under at this point.

I highly recommend listening to Arianna Huffington on Dan Harris's podcast. She said many things that run parallel to what I've explored and discussed within these pages. One thing after another popped out at me. I'm absolutely buying her new book, The Sleep Revolution.

 It's been a very long day. I'm about to have dinner with mom and head home. I'll be dropping in bed at a great time tonight. I do not want to endure this self-imposed feeling of exhaustion, tomorrow.

I'm learning. I'm absolutely learning. Good things, good things.

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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1 comment:

  1. Pam HolmesJune 16, 2016 at 7:15 PM

    The harsh reality that you alluded to today is that you and I both might be "six feet under" today, had we not turned ourselves around. People with less major weight problems don't realize that it can be a life or death decision. I chose life and so did you. The other stuff will work itself out--you'll get there. And even if you're never able to be more self disciplined so that you get adequate sleep, think about how much worse that situation could be if you were still over 500 lbs. Today at the grocery store I saw a severely morbidly obese woman who was in a wheelchair. Before I hit the cemetery, a wheelchair was waiting for me back when I weighed over 300 lbs. That's how bad my health and mobility were. I choose life. I choose walking. I choose my health. I choose ME!!

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