Friday, February 14, 2014

A Familiar Determination

A Familiar Determination

Today is Valentines Day and what would have been my little brother Shane's 37th birthday. If you've read my book, the chapter titled "Shane's Gift," then you know how much Shane meant to me, and still means to me today.
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This photo is Mom and Shane before his high school prom.  He loved putting on the tuxedo!

I've been doing very well lately. I feel a familiar determination I haven't felt since my initial weight loss.  More and more, I'm exploring valid reasons why I deserve to feel better. In the heat of temptation or cravings, or both, I pause long enough to think about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.  If it seems to be a "driven" type thing--then I quickly text someone and explain the situation. Then it's better.

The pursuit this time is different from before. Having been there, I know what it's like to be at goal and live in the smaller clothes and have this normal sized reflection staring back at me in the mirror. So the mystery is gone, the anticipation of what it will be like isn't the same as before. So my goals have changed.

I don't know if it will be 230, or 220, or 250...It really isn't about a number this time. It's about taking care and living a balanced life with food. If I live a balanced life with food and exercise, I'll not be overweight.  And whatever I need to do to maintain a healthy balance and relationship with food, is what I'll do. Meetings, support groups, writing and of course, texting when I'm tempted to seek comfort in food or seemingly driven toward sugar and high fat items. I will continue seeking out and confronting issues in my life that need handled instead of trying to smother them with food.

So that's my goal. And there isn't an end date. For someone like me, maintaining this balance will be an everyday discipline, required in order to live at a healthy body weight. The biggest mental hurdle is accepting and being okay with that requirement.  It's important to come to terms and realize, this isn't a temporary reprieve I'm after. I want to feel better the rest of my life.

Speaking of feeling better. I'm about to head South for Stillwater where I'm spending a couple of hours with mom before heading over to Stillwater Medical Center for my next sleep study. Tonight should be the best sleep possible.  If all goes well, I'll feel more rested than I have at any time in the last three years.

I keep updates on Facebook and Twitter, plus My Fitness Pal.  I'd love you to join me on those other social media outlets!

I'll write more over the weekend.

Thank you for reading,

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I had a chance to visit my grandson Noah last night. He has pink eye and in this photo he was fresh from the doctor. He has good medicine and he'll shake it in record time, I'm sure! He so cute!!

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This is one of my favorite pictures of mom and me. It was January 2012 at my Hastings book signing.
Looking forward to seeing mom this evening!


  1. Sean, what a sweet memory of your brother. I'm grateful that you are back 'on your path' - so many people are inspired by your progress. Including ME!

  2. Hi Sean, Sending you great big HUGS. It's hard when we lose someone and it's even tougher trying to cope. I'm sorry about your loss. I lost both parents and my older brother and what helps is remembering all the good times. It's finding positive things to focus on too besides food. Keeping busy and yes that support from family and friends. I am very close with all my kids but my oldest daughter is my "diet buddy". She and I are always trying new recipes and it really helps with that moral support. You are back now and I believe that you will make it because you know what it's like to succeed. Also, your grandson is so adorable... Oh my goodness. Hope his eye trouble clears up soon. Take care my friend, Jules

  3. Sounds like you are doing well! I can 'hear' your more healthy inner voice. Still working on finding a balance myself. Even though I've fought and mostly won the numbers on the scale battle, I still struggle with giving myself enough time and effort. I've recently noticed the big difference between how much time and effort I so willingly give to so many other people and things and what I have 'leftover' for myself. I am worth more than the leftovers!


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