Today's weigh-in was honestly the first time I've approached the scale with a true sense of, whatever it says, I'm good! I realized this on the way to the doctors office. I was stuck at a red light pondering what was about to happen and then it hit me: It is simply a statistic. It's information I can use to make adjustments, if needed. As I've said before, my identity and self-worth isn't tethered to the number on a scale. My self-worth doesn't increase with weight loss and it doesn't decline with weight gain. I am a good human being, regardless. I love me, regardless.
Do I want to get in the best shape of my life? Yes, indeed. Will it make me feel better? Physically, sure. Mentally and emotionally? I seriously doubt there's any improving on how I feel about me in this moment. And it certainly isn't dependent on the scale. I've never felt more whole in my entire life. On the surface, the previous sentence sounds good, sure--but if you've read about how dark things became not too long ago, the "informed perspective" reveals nothing short of a miracle turn-around. I'm grateful. I'm blessed. I'm so happy.
I stepped on the scale today and found:
A nine pound loss since my last weigh-in three weeks ago! This brings my nineteen week total to seventy-eight pounds gone! After a big 164 pound regain of my initial 275 pound loss, to now be only 86 pounds away from my previous low and what I believe to be my healthiest weight, is--it just is...so wonderful, I can't even find the words to express how wonderful.
I need to preface the following with this: I've studied and learned many valuable things along this road. Don Miguel Ruiz's book "The Four Agreements" taught me never to take anything personal. What others say or do in my direction, good or bad--isn't a reflection of me, it's a reflection of them. In other words, don't take criticism too hard and don't get wrapped up in praise from others. Staying grounded and balanced requires an inner peace and love, that when truly embraced, cannot be affected by the opinions of others one way or the other.
Okay, with that written, I was slightly irritated with a few well meaning comments after my weigh-in today. Two of these came in person from people I see on a regular basis. I'm okay. They're okay. It's all good. But I wanted to clarify a BIG misconception. The comments, each a variation of the same thing, said: "Losing weight is easy for you!"
Are you talking to me? It's easy? Really??? After the first one, I smiled and offered: "Thank you, but I must say, it isn't ever easy. It's a lot of work, a big commitment." I didn't respond to the other two because I was too busy intentionally breathing for calm and perspective. I know these comments came with the best of intentions and happiness for me and my successful turnaround, there wasn't any ill will or intent. But some things to remember:
It isn't easy to take pictures of everything I eat, log each item in MyFitnessPal, then describe the picture complete with calorie count in a 140 characters or less Tweet. Try doing it for a week. I've done it for almost five months straight.
It isn't easy to maintain my abstinence from sugar in a world where sugar is everywhere, even in places we wouldn't expect to find sugar--it's there. And it's a drug to me. It's a drug I can no longer deny my addiction to or the bio-chemical effects it has on me.
It isn't easy to commit anywhere from an hour to two and a half hours a night of writing in order to maintain this blog. I do it because it's therapeutic. I do it because it brings me joy. I do it because it gives me clarity and perspective. I do it because it's an important part of who I am. I also do it because I've discovered how it can help others along this road. But mainly, I do it for me. Still, it's hard work. It's important work to me and the support it attracts plays a huge role in my success, but it isn't easy. I'm profoundly grateful for what this blog provides me each and every day. It's nothing short of a blessing to me in many ways.
It isn't easy to plan, prepare and pack my food each day.
It isn't always easy to navigate menus at restaurants.
It isn't easy to push myself toward a good workout six days a week (some workouts are better than others, of course!).
It isn't easy to maintain the consistency I've enjoyed because life still happens. Stress is all around me--job stress, financial stress--general life stress, emotions...it's all there, and always will be, it's life for goodness sake! And through it all, I'm maintaining an importance level, perspective and a high degree of accountability that helps me maintain a balanced level of consistency. Again, this isn't easy to do day in and day out.
It isn't always easy to make these things enjoyable and truly fun, but it's important for me to find the joy in what I do, because if this is something I'm not enjoying, there's no way to maintain it for the rest of my life--and that of course is a big hope and prayer of mine. I make sure to have fun and genuinely enjoy what I'm doing, what I'm eating and what I'm experiencing throughout this process. If it's something I don't enjoy or can't stand, I'm not doing it...not even a little bit, never mind forever.
Perhaps I make it look easy. Maybe so. Trust me, it's not easy for me to lose weight. It takes a monumental effort each and every day, one day at a time. You know what is easy for me?
Despite appearing very difficult, it was easy to be a 500 pound man for nearly twenty years. It took hardly any effort at all to maintain my 500 pounds of life sucking weight. It was easy!!! I never exercised and I basically ate whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted. If I was sad, hurting or angry--food seemed to be my "easy fix." Of course we now know that additional food doesn't "fix" anything, unless it's an effort to maintain a 500 pound body. It fixes that real well, at least for me--totally easy!!
It was shockingly easy for me to gain back 164 pounds. I mean, it was a breeze! Had I not worked hard at grabbing the reigns of this runaway coach, I'd likely be back at 500 pounds by now--because it was so easy!
This isn't the "serious face" (trying hard not to smile) of someone who loses weight easily. This is the serious and determined face of someone who is working hard everyday to be consistent and to maintain integrity in my resolve and mission. It's the serious face of someone who is very passionate about this journey and all of its many incredibly fascinating facets. It's the seriously determined face of someone who wants to share and help others, simply by doing what I'm doing. It's the determined face of someone who can be as serious as needed in the moment, but still enjoy the humor in it all, along the way. This is the face of someone who doesn't give up, ever. This isn't the face of "easy."
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I enjoyed a great food day today--oh my--look at the below tweets! Yummy! I made it home mid-afternoon and enjoyed a very restful 1.5 hour nap before jumping up and making it into the YMCA for the 5:30pm spin class. I followed that very challenging 45 minute workout with a nice swim in the Y lap pool.
I decided to order Hawaiian Fajitas for dinner. My favorite little Mexican restaurant sits three blocks from the YMCA, so it was very convenient to place a take out order. Usually I would dine inside, but tonight I wanted to do something different. I ordered them to go, so I could take the ingredients home and precisely weigh each ingredient in an effort to get the most accurate calorie count possible. I even asked the restaurant how much oil they use in preparing an order--and I included that in the count. I order them special every time--and what I accept and don't accept varies depending on a few factors, namely the amount of calories left in my calorie bank for the day. Tonight I declined: Chips, guacamole, beans and rice.
I measured out the steak, chicken, shrimp and pineapple--found the precise counts in MFP, then mixed them all back together and poured them into a big bowl of lettuce for what I'll call "Hawaiian fajita salad." Yes, I'm calling this a salad--complete with a simple homemade dressing made from salsa blended with a serving of light sour cream.
I'm very happy to be where I am along this road. I feel incredibly blessed and tremendously grateful.
If you're interested in taking part in the 10-week teleconference weight loss support group facilitated and moderated by Life Coach Gerri Helms and me, then click this link to register and pay the fee via a secure PayPal checkout page (You do not need a PayPal account to register and pay, you can simply pay with your card): lifecoachgerri.com/events/bootcamp Unfortunately, this option is currently only available in the U.S. and Canada.
My Tweets today:
Weigh Day Update: 9 more pounds gone! 78 total in 19 weeks. #blessed #grateful #pinchme #nevergiveup #alwayshope pic.twitter.com/8zEN4wRHVh
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 3, 2014
Four whole eggs over-easy and all natural/sugar free peanut butter (32g) pears. 580 cal. pic.twitter.com/fcRpCVxBTj
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 3, 2014
One of my fav quick & easy lunch options! Bean & cheese tostados with jalapeños & sr crm. Cantaloupe (190g) 440 cal. pic.twitter.com/1LrtaxFmZx
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 3, 2014
YMCA spin and swim time!
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 3, 2014
Several things. ;) pic.twitter.com/3e8E0HOIaL
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 4, 2014
Lettuce w/steak (3oz), chicken (3.5oz), shrimp, pineapple, topped w/salsa-sr crm, olive oil (.5 tblspn). 457 cal pic.twitter.com/RriMjbaO8t
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 4, 2014
Chocolate shake for dessert. No worries!!! It's the dense nutrition of Shakeology blended w/water & banana. 232 cal. pic.twitter.com/BzUCXnxqwJ
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) September 4, 2014
Thank you for reading and your amazing support,
Strength,
Sean
