Friday, April 10, 2015

April 10th, 2015 Fairly Well

April 10th, 2015 Fairly Well

Today was a fairly good day. My workout plans changed twice and eventually, when I realized how tired I was tonight, it turned into a rest day. When a day like this happens, I must immediately allow myself to be okay with the decision, or else I'll spend too much time mentally abusing myself over a perceived lacking of some kind. I tend to hold myself to certain standards and when I feel I'm dropping below those, it creates negative energy.

I've combated this by taking it one day at a time, and as contrary as it might sound, embracing the big picture simultaneously. Taking good care each and every day varies in definition. Some days, it simply means staying within my calorie budget and maintaining my abstinence from sugar. Other days it's that plus a great workout. They're both great days. One's a little more active than the other and that's okay.

I'm exhausted tonight. It's a short blog post for me. I'm hitting the pillow knowing I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget and remained sugar abstinent and I was active in support with others. It was a fairly good day.

My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, April 9, 2015

April 9th, 2015 Importance Level Gauge

April 9th, 2015 Importance Level Gauge

Before I write another word tonight, I want to take pause and send wishes of peace and healing to my dear Aunt Connie, my cousins and other family members of mine. My cousin Dale passed away this morning after suffering a heart attack. He was only 53 years old. That's way too young. We'll all get together in the coming days for Dale's funeral and I'm sure many of us will talk about how good it is to see one another and how we wish it were under different circumstances. I've said those exact words numerous times and most always at funerals. It's a powerful reminder to me, to take pause a little more often, stay in touch, communicating with family a little more, because we never know when or if we'll have another chance.
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I was up late last night covering weather on the radio. It wasn't severe by the time it reached our immediate area, but I've often said, some of our best, most useful coverage is when we're on the air letting listeners know it's going to be okay. Sometimes even non-severe storms can certainly sound severe, so this kind of coverage is important.

I made it home just after one am and was in bed shortly after. When the 4:30am alarm sounded, I slept soundly, right through every blaring minute. When I finally woke up, I realized there wasn't any way to make it to the studio for the start of my show. I had to call a colleague to step in and cover until I arrived shortly before 7am.

Starting the day in a panic and rush always has the potential to tilt our planning and even our resolve in taking extraordinary care. How can I make the best of this rough start? I can make sure I grab my bag of breakfast items, take a few deep breaths and a few more sips of coffee and choose to be okay.

Breakfast was a little later than normal and this tilted the rest of my food schedule, slightly. It really wasn't too bad at all.

My workout this evening was solid and earlier than my usual Y time. I'm discovering the earlier I get in there, the better I feel afterward--because not only do I generally feel well after a workout, it adds an additional positive because it at least gives me the potential of getting to bed closer to a reasonable time.

photo RyansIphonepicofme.jpg
#tbt Considering how many big before pictures I've shared over the years, you might find it hard to believe that I often tried to avoid pictures back then or at least hide behind someone or something. This Throwback Thursday picture was snapped by a colleague who had just received his new iPhone. He wanted to try out the camera and I was right in front of him, so why not? I remember him showing me the picture afterward and me not liking it one teeny tiny bit.

It's interesting how our perception can become warped. At my heaviest, I didn't realized I appeared that large. I really thought I appeared smaller. It was always a shock to see a picture, wow, am I really that big? Flip it around and the opposite perception comes into play. At my healthiest weight, I always thought I appeared bigger. Seeing pictures was equally shocking, except it was the opposite thought, wow, am I really that small? 

 Now, I feel like I have a fairly decent handle on my authentic reality. And quite honestly, no matter my size and/or imperfections, the things I'm making important are the non-negotiable fundamental elements of my continued recovery. To me, the top of the importance level gauge is labeled "sacred," and I mean it 100%. As long as I keep that importance level gauge pegged to the top, I have a good chance of maintaining continued recovery.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, April 8, 2015

April 8th, 2015 The Beast Complex

April 8th, 2015 The Beast Complex

Sometimes, when I catch my reflection in a window, I pause and stare. It's not a vanity thing, it's a "that's me in there, that's what I look like now, even if my brain doesn't fully agree--there is reality, staring back at me." And it's great. But it's different than before. It's truly different.
photo Reflection_zpsy7gp115f.jpg
When I see my reflection, it might take a few seconds to adjust my perception of the physical--but then I can see the other stuff inside me. Instead of getting caught up in the dang, I look thin mindset, I immediately go into the this is what recovery, food sobriety, abstinence from sugar, giving and receiving strong support and taking extraordinary care looks like and feels like, mindset.

I've learned a bunch of powerful lessons along this road and one of the biggest is all about the difference between what's fun and slightly important and what's most meaningful and critically important.

Once upon a time, I kept a keen eye out for potential romantic relationships, because I wanted to feel desired, loved and in my clouded perception, I wanted a kind of confirmation of my attractiveness. At my heaviest it was automatic for me to consider myself very unattractive, at times, repulsive, hideous even. I call it "The Beast Complex." Right or wrong, doesn't matter, it was my perception. And no amount of weight loss success or compliments along the way, possessed enough power to eradicate this complex.

In that 'I'm hideous, look away' mindset, every important thing about me was ignored, in favor of this shallow, self-critical beast perception. Coming from that horrible mental place, then transforming into something dramatically different had enormous potential for trouble. And thanks to this inner struggle, I've found plenty of it since my divorce nearly five years ago. A pattern developed, looking external for something found exclusively internal.

Love and acceptance for oneself is a solid prerequisite to a successful relationship. Looking for someone to somehow provide this via their attraction or anything else, is a tragic mistake because it's an impossible task to ask of anyone. It's horribly unfair and in my experience, never ends well. 

Over the last year, everything has changed. My perception continues to shift in a direction giving me an entirely different outlook. Now, I don't need confirmation of anything. I'm more confident in who I am and what I'm all about, than ever before--and it continues to strengthen.

When I see my reflection these days, a whole new set of thoughts and priorities come to mind. And for this, I'm truly grateful. This self love and acceptance I'm nurturing and growing gives me a more balanced foundation for pursuing my personal and professional goals--the things I'm most passionate about, none of which involve finding a relationship. The whole relationship thing will happen someday down the road, I'm sure. Right now, I'm perfectly content giving myself and the things critically important to me, undivided attention. It's about time. And oh, what a wonderful time!
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 My entire schedule today was fashioned around the expectation of severe weather coverage duty this evening. When I realized the threat would come later than expected, I quickly made my way to the Y for the elliptical and weights. My fear was the storms moving in might cause me to miss my workout altogether.

I was able to get my workout and dinner complete before needing to report to the studio. The coverage tonight has kept me up much later than expected, but still--I feel great about getting my exercise and taking extraordinary care in the food department. It might be late, but it was a good day.

My Tweets Today:


















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, April 7, 2015

April 7th, 2015 Consistency Revisited

April 7th, 2015 Consistency Revisited

It's been another long, but really good day. Very busy at work and Tuesday is my weekly teleconference night, followed by dinner and a good workout. I did all of those things today and tonight, and I feel great.

The topic of consistency has been on my mind the past few days and I've wanted to elaborate in writing, but haven't had the time. Tonight I remembered--a post from last October was all about consistency. I re-read it tonight and thought, why not run it again? A quick recap of today coming up--but first:

I believe we get what we give. The more we put into something, the more we get out of it. I want consistent results, so I give myself extraordinary care, consistently. It isn't always easy. It's certainly not as simple as saying. "I'm going to be consistent from here on out!" Don't we wish it were that easy?

As I analyze the fundamentals of what I've been doing in my recovery mode, I realize I've built a system that works for me. It's a system of accountability, support and open communication. In relapse, two of these three things were non-existent. I shut down my accountability and isolated, I may have communicated some, but not about my struggles. The support was always there, but largely ignored, by my own choosing, so it wasn't effective.

Being consistent during this turnaround from the regain has required me to elevate my accountability. My Twitter feed pictures of everything I eat has been an invaluable accountability tool. I was resistant to the idea at first, fearing it would be a huge hassle. It's actually a complete pleasure and it's inspired me to eat better! I take my time in choosing, preparing and eating my food. I enjoy it more--all because of this twitter feed. I've made it important.

I've recognized and accepted support in many forms. Your readership is support, your comments are support and I've established a list of people I know I can text or call anytime, night or day, if I'm needing someone to talk me through a tough time, or talk me out of a drive-through. 

Open and honest communication--basically, the opposite of isolating, is crucial to my consistency. In the dark depths of relapse, nobody knew how bad it had become because I was alone when I did what I was doing with food. It was my secret trip to the ice cream place every night before bed. Nobody knew, not my daughters, mom or anyone close to me. I was consistently in "hiding."

Now, if those feelings/compulsions to binge show up--I pick up the phone and reach out for "spot support." Gerri Helms has been there for me on numerous occasions. And I have others who are ready if I need them. And I will, I'm sure--at some point. On the other hand--I'm also available for them, anytime.

Keeping things simple is a major part of the foundation making my consistency possible. I don't get too technical. I don't crunch the numbers or get into confusing plans or patterns. I simply eat as well as I can and desire and I make time for exercise. I have some personal food rules, of course: No sugar, I avoid trigger foods, measuring is very important and proper portion control is a must. I make sure I'm eating things I truly enjoy. And I'm not afraid to be repetitious in my selections, especially with breakfast and lunch. If I get tired of something, I'll naturally shift to other things. If I don't get tired of it and I enjoy it, then what's not good about that?

Simple, simple, simple...It is crucial to maintaining consistency. We're the ones who make the rules--if we keep the rules simple to follow--then our chances of maintaining consistency goes up dramatically. And as we develop along the way--we can get as fancy and as specialized as we want and need, when we're ready.

It's a natural evolution of good choices. Not a sudden and dramatic change where we expect to be a completely different person as soon as we wake up on our pre-determined start day.

My focus on consistency isn't long term. It's today. I want to make today a good day. I want to hit the pillow tonight, knowing that I gave it my best shot--my honest to goodness, best. Not perfect, mind you--rather, the best I could do today. I want to do that again tomorrow. It feels good!! We gain momentum in either direction, good or bad. Good choices lead to more of the same and bad choices lead to more bad choices.

Big time accomplishments are not done all at once. It's a collection of much smaller accomplishments, each of which contribute in a positive way to the bigger goal ahead. I'm setting small, doable goals--and hitting them square with everything I can. And I'm getting back some wonderful results in return. You get what you give, it's a universal truth.
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My afternoon at work was a little longer, but for good reason. I was recording an interview via phone with the late George Harrison's sister, Louise Harrison. This is the second time I've had an opportunity to interview her, the first being an in-studio chat followed by lunch with Ms. Harrison. Considering what a huge Beatles fan I am--you can imagine how excited I was to stay a little late for another chat.

The tribute band she personally assembled, Liverpool Legends, are in concert this Saturday night at the theatre where our radio studios are located. She was promoting the concert of course and also her new book My Kid Brother's Band, AKA The Beatles!
photo c827a59d-8379-4dad-9976-7086bcedb382_zpsgorspcbo.jpg
This picture was from almost four years ago (during maintenance period after my initial weight loss) with Louise Harrison. I was struck by her facial features, so much like George!

My pizza and pasta dinner tonight was over the top delicious. The size of the dinner was intentional after not making the time for a snack late afternoon. I've been consciously eating a little less earlier in order to get a snack between lunch and dinner. I don't think it's good for me to go six to eight hours without something. I was sitting at 800 calories without the snack and normally I'm around 1,000 right before dinner.

I'm not 100% gluten free but I prefer to use gluten free items when I can. I used gluten free penne pasta and the pizza crust was 1/2 a gluten free wrap.

The sauce I used is a real find. If you have an Aldi grocery store where you live, chances are you can find it, too. It's a sugar free organic tomato basil sauce with the label "Simply Nature." At 35 calories per serving and only veggies and spices for ingredients, it's the best I've found for my tastes and my calorie budget. OH--and the even better part? It's $1.79 per jar.  Other sugar free sauces I've found run about double the calories and at least double the price, some triple the price or more. One of these days I'll put my Ninja blender to work and make my own. I'm just not sure I could get it as good as Simply Nature--and I know I couldn't make it for $1.79!

My workout tonight was extra sweaty. I think I've figured out why. It's not because I'm necessarily working any harder--nope, it's because of my recent haircut!! The thickness of my hair before this cut acted as a sweat band of sorts, absorbing most of the sweat. Now, with less hair--I'm using the towel much more frequently.

My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, April 6, 2015

April 6th, 2015 Letting The Tweets Handle Tonight's Edition

April 6th, 2015 Letting The Tweets Handle Tonight's Edition

I had a really good day all the way around. Letting the Tweets handle this one tonight. Haven't done that in a while. Every now and then it's necessary. I'm too tired and need sleep.

Check out the dinner tweet. Two green veggies on the same plate! I get a gold star or something for this, I'm sure. Goodnight!

My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 3 comments:

Sunday, April 5, 2015

April 5th, 2015 Easter With Noah

April 5th, 2015 Easter With Noah

I bought Easter candy today. Marshmallow Peeps, a chocolate bunny and a few other things, too. Oh, and a banana also went into Noah's Easter basket, along with a couple of toys and a pair of blue sunglasses just his size. He didn't open any of the candy while he was with me. If he had, I know I would have been dodging his offers to stick some of it in my mouth. He loves to share! 

Spending the day with Noah was a fantastic idea. He totally figured out the concept of picking up the Easter eggs, collecting them--then having us "hide" them again and repeating. MyFitnessPal needs an exercise labeled: Keeping Up With a Toddler. He's fast, very busy and despite the fact that once upon a time I had two toddlers of my own, I haven't a clue how Courtney keeps up every day. I should probably call Irene and thank her for helping me get through that period with our daughters. Because I don't remember it being so difficult--but again, that's probably because Irene was a super-mom!

I'm a nervous wreck with a big smile on my face, chasing him and protecting him from his unbounded curiosity. The kid knows no fear. My goodness, I love him so much.
photo Noah and Me_zps25qjmouo.jpg
Noah and Me this afternoon.

This grandpa had a blast. If Noah noticed the difference in my appearance, I couldn't tell. He immediately smiles every time I smile at him, regardless.

One of my neighbors noticed, "I hardly recognized you! Have you lost more than you did before?" It's the absence of the facial hair. It throws off the previous visual balance or something, I don't know. All I know is three different people have commented that it, combined with the shorter hair, makes the weight loss seem a touch more dramatic.
photo me smiling big_zpshagckro2.jpg
Big smile.

I'm feeling very positive as I proceed toward maintenance. Every now and again I ponder what it'll be like, look like, feel like--and really, it'll not be too much different than what I do every day. I'll likely add some healthy calories to my budget each day. I still plan on keeping this blog daily. I still plan on weighing every three weeks. I'll still be abstinent from sugar (that's a life thing), I'll still work out regularly, I'll still track my food with MyFitnessPal and I'll still maintain solid support relationships with others along the way. Basically, it'll be what I do now with an increased calorie budget. I'll play with the number to find my "sweet spot."

No workout today. Regular workout schedule resumes tomorrow.

My Tweets Today:


















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, April 4, 2015

April 4th, 2015 It Was Fun

April 4th, 2015 It Was Fun

I believe it's okay and perfectly normal for me to have a little fun with the appearance part of the transformation as long as I understand where it ranks on level of importance. It's down a ways on the list. The most important transformation is the unseen, the mental and emotional stuff and how it all works together within the elements of my recovery.  If the focus was purely on the physical transformation it would be difficult to see it through to a healthy weight and if so, it would be a very temporary experience. 

It's interesting how the physical transformation encourages elements of the mental/emotional transformation. Completely changing ones appearance in a dramatic way, is a mind warp. In my experience, the brain takes a while to adjust its perception. This dynamic is apparent to me every time I catch my reflection in a window or mirror and I have to do a double take because my brain doesn't fully recognize my changed appearance. Another example is looking at a small-narrow armed chair and my brain says, nope--no way we're fitting in there, and then I do, just fine.

The inside work is imperative to our success. There's just no substitute for facing the mental/emotional challenges of a dramatic transformation. It's too big of a topic for me to explore tonight. This is the very tip of a much larger topic unique to each of us.

photo Selfie_zpskh4tvkrk.jpg
I did it. I shaved that thing off my face and I feel great about. It wasn't a big deal after all. Very strange how attached I had become to it, not because I necessarily loved it, but because others had told me they liked it. Don't get me wrong, I didn't hate it--I was just surprised at my initial reluctance to shave it and it prompted me to look a little deeper into why. I may grow it back someday or not, I don't know. Doesn't matter, really. It was fun to shave it off. 

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, April 3, 2015

April 3rd, 2015 Flying Flip Not Given

April 3rd, 2015 Flying Flip Not Given

I had an opportunity to sleep in a little extra today. The big plan today involved taking mom to her appointment at the Dean McGee Eye Institute in Oklahoma City. I picked her up shortly before 9am in order for us to comfortably make her 10:30am appointment time. We look forward to these trips together. Much like when I travel with either one of my daughters, we most always leave the music off and fill the drive time in conversation. These conversations typically involve plenty of laughter. We love to laugh. We did some of that today!

Our plans included lunch after the appointment, followed by a workout at the YMCA. We quickly abbreviated the plan after mom underwent a few unexpected tests/procedures that left her vision temporarily even more impaired. I couldn't imagine mom out there trying to walk on the indoor track and not feeling well or having issues seeing where she was going. She offered to sit and wait while I worked out, but I wasn't about to do that. We were both tired and ready to get back after our mid afternoon lunch, so that's what we did.
photo Mom20and20Me_zps88zccyin.jpg
Mom and Me this afternoon. It's actually hard to tell in this photo--but the length and volume of my hair was significantly cut yesterday. I'm digging the shorter hair. It did feel strange washing it this morning--much less to clean. I have yet to try shaving the facial hair. I plan on doing it this weekend.

I didn't realize I was so attached. At the same time, I'm curious. The good thing is, if I don't like it gone, all I need is a few weeks and it'll grow right back on my face.  How blessed to have this as one of my "issues of discussion?"

Seriously, I don't really care too much--and it's really not a major thing. But to be completely honest with you, there is some kind of psychological attachment--and connection, in my mind, to the facial hair--based on perceived attractiveness as influenced by what others have said to me, in favor, over the last five years of wearing the hair on my face.

The deal is--and this is big: I don't care anymore. I don't give a flying flip if I'm attractive or not with or without it. I'm not looking to attract anyone and I'm certainly not looking for any kind of relationship, anyway. And I wouldn't want one where hair on or hair off my face was a make or break issue! 

If I keep writing this empowering albeit shallow/superficial segment, I'll be in there shaving before the publish button is pressed. Isn't saying and truly feeling the "I don't care anymore" perspective, powerful?

Some things I do care about involve getting more rest and making sure I take care of my food and exercise in a way that exhibits the highest level of importance. I was super tired on the way home. The sugar-free Starbucks treat was enough to keep me safe for the drive, but it wasn't enough to talk me out of an early evening nap within minutes after walking into my apartment.  The plan was to rest until 7pm, then prepare dinner before getting into the YMCA for an elliptical ride. This plan B was cancelled in favor of Plan C when I overslept my nap by 45 minutes.

New plan: Good dinner and a 5K in the park. Simple enough. Except I forgot to stop by the store for a few things. No worries--I always have tostada fixings and sweet potatoes--I love 'em both, even if they are an unusual combination!

The 5K tonight was wonderful. I had the entire park to myself--the whole time. That is VERY unusual. Usually people are out getting exercise or simply hanging out visiting with one another in the parking lot. Not tonight. It was just me out there on a chilly night with my ear buds in, the music up and my body moving. Oh--and it's actually a little longer than a 5K. I did 3.4 miles instead of 3.1. One thing is certain, the 5K brisk walk works the body in different ways than the elliptical. I feel the difference every time.

My Tweets Today:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, April 2, 2015

April 2nd, 2015 She Smiled

April 2nd, 2015 She Smiled

It was a fast trip into the grocery store this afternoon on my way home after getting an incredibly short haircut. I'm not sure if my hair has been any shorter since I was a kid. I totally trusted the stylist. I said, "I trust you. Do what you think looks right and good." And she did, very well. I should have had the haircut before Wednesday's weigh-in because I must have left a pound of hair on her floor.

But anyway-the grocery store...I was running in and out, fast--on a mission, ready to get home quickly for dinner. I was moving through the automatic doors toward my car when a very nice lady, who was loading her groceries in the back of her vehicle, stopped me with, "You're Sean Anderson, right?"

We talked for several minutes. Turns out, we're friends on Facebook. "I read what you write and it's very inspiring." I thanked her for reading this blog and asked how she was doing. She shared with me how rheumatoid arthritis limits her ability to exercise. Swimming was the exception. Swimming felt good to her and helped her lose 35 pounds. Except now, she can't swim because of sores created by skin cancer. One of the cancerous wounds (one of 30 she's had treated) was visible on her lower leg and looked incredibly painful. Still, throughout our conversation, she smiled.

I asked questions about her outlook and if she had hopes of returning to the pool someday. And she did, of course. She then talked a little bit about her food and what she enjoys, at one point motioning to a few items sticking out of the top of her grocery bags.  Her voice wasn't labored or weary. Her smile was bright and throughout the conversation I couldn't believe how wonderful her spirit was despite everything she's enduring. She even paused to comment on the weather. She was so alive and positive.

I'm glad the timing worked the way it did, a few seconds in either direction--and this beautiful interaction wouldn't have occurred. 

Let me tell you something--she inspired me profoundly. She gave me some wonderful perspective in that grocery store parking lot this evening. I'm not so sure I would be as bright, cheerful and positive, with a wonderful smile and spirit, if I were facing a fraction of what she is each and every day. She emitted, without appearing to even try, a palpable peace and strength. You could feel it all around her; see it in her smile.

I really would have enjoyed a longer conversation. I honestly wanted to hear more of her story. But it was in the middle of a busy parking lot with storm clouds building and both of us headed home.

I asked, "Can I hug you?" And she said, "sure, just not too hard."  We exchanged a gentle hug and I turned toward the direction of my car.

As I walked away, wishing her well, she said "It sure was nice to meet you."

The pleasure was mine, believe me. What a wonderful soul. Meeting her today was a blessing. I just had to share the story with you.

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So, this haircut. Wow. It's short. I'm spending Good Friday with mom as we travel to her doctor's appointment in Oklahoma City. I'll see if she'll agree to a picture together and I'll post it tomorrow night. I'm also planning a mid-afternoon stop at the new YMCA in Edmond. I'll workout on the elliptical while mom walks around their track. Mom has been walking a bunch lately! I'm very proud of her.

I'm feeling incredibly positive these days. My workout tonight was inspired and wonderful. I enjoyed some good food today, too, including something of a rare treat: Authentic lean German sausage. It's prepared by boiling first, then grilling. The boiling takes care of a lot of the fat--and after grilling, it's pure delight. It was still a little pricey in the calorie department, but within my budget. And very good. 

photo IMG_9849.jpg
#TBT It's Throw Back Thursday! A promotional banner hanging in a bookstore window-December 2011, the week my book was released. This photo is a reminder for me to get busy writing book number two. I have so much more to write about! Book number two--oh my...so much more!!

I'm hitting the pillow tonight feeling enormous amounts of gratitude for all of the wonderful blessings in my life. It truly strengthens my resolve in holding sacred the fundamental elements giving me the best chance at long term recovery and maintenance.

Maintenance mode is fast approaching. Perhaps after another twenty pounds. It might be a couple to a few months. I'm in no hurry. Whenever the time comes, it'll be a very interesting experience. I know I maintained for 1.5 years after my initial weight loss--but this time seems very different. I'm using different tools, different perspectives and a lot more respect and understanding for the process of recovery--and what that means for me for the rest of my life.

My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, April 1, 2015

April 1st, 2015 Weigh Day Edition

April 1st, 2015 Weigh Day Edition

One of my biggest fears during my relapse and regain period was: Will I ever be able to stop this? Will my body respond in a positive way if I truly made a commitment to turn this around? I made some attempts prior to this 49 week period.

A few days here and there, maybe a week at one point, but I didn't seem to have the same ability as before. It scared me.

After today's weigh-in, a colleague of mine told me how happy they were for me and how they were really concerned because not turning it around would have been the worst thing for me on so many levels, not just physically--but mentally and emotionally. 

I'm incredibly blessed and grateful to be where I am right now.
photo weigh20day20247_zpsfkg5nfsv.jpg
This number represents a 4 pound loss for the previous three week period, bringing the 49 week total to 147 pounds down.

After feeling so incredibly hopeless and lost, I can tell you with certainty, there is hope. 

There's so much more I want to write about tonight, but I can't. I'm too tired. It's been a long day.

As much as I didn't want to miss a workout tonight, I honestly feel it's the best decision I can make at the moment.

My Tweets Today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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