Wednesday, December 23, 2015

December 23rd, 2015 Where It Gets Real

December 23rd, 2015 Where It Gets Real

I couldn't be more pleased with how maintenance mode is proceeding. That kind of sounds like a removed perspective, as if I'm watching it unfold instead of being in the middle of it all. I'm certainly in the thick of it each day.

More than once I've heard a variation of "maintenance is happening so easily for you." It's meant as a compliment, so I don't launch into describing the structure that keeps me well. I simply say, "thank you, I'm very grateful." And I am, immensely blessed and tremendously grateful.

 Without the daily structure found in the fundamental elements of my recovery, this entire maintenance mode would be a very different story. You see, the truth is...

I have the heart, desires, behaviors, reactions and chemistry of a 500 pound man. My body, without a structured plan, influenced by all I am, will march directly back to over 500 pounds. Is it scary? No.

I have a spiritual peace with it all. I've been down this road, I've been humbled to a place and level I felt was the point of no return and somehow, through the grace of God, made it back to where I am today. My place here isn't guaranteed forever. It is dependent on my willingness to do what is required.

I have fully embraced and accepted what is required of me to continue enjoying this multi-faceted freedom. And it's in this acceptance and embrace, I find peace and calm affording me the ability to carry on another day, and another...and another. 

I don't proceed each day kicking and screaming or whining about how life isn't fair because my normal isn't the normal I wanted. They get to eat whatever they want without ever weighing or measuring any of it--they don't log it and they dang sure don't photograph and tweet it---and they eat sugar whenever they fancy. And they never gain a pound!!! That's great for them! That's their normal. I can try to live their normal, but it wouldn't end well. I would completely lose myself along the way.

I accept and embrace my normal and suddenly I discover the truest sense of harmony.

These dynamics get deep, my friend. It's an expedition worth taking. It's also one most of us are not conditioned to entertain in the slightest. Thank you weight loss industry! Prime example this evening...

I ran into an acquaintance in the meat department of the store who shook my hand and was clearly in shock over the physical side of this transformation. He doesn't read this blog. I know he doesn't because he asked if I had purchased a weight loss plan of some kind. "Is it something you bought?"  No, not literally. Figuratively, perhaps.

I fully invested in the idea that it was possible without purchasing a predetermined plan or product.

This "magic plan/product" perspective is a product of decades of weight loss industry marketing that has done a very good job at convincing millions they need this plan or that plan, this product or that pill, or shot or whatever.

 And many of these things work. And they work well.

And the (often times very short term) success stories are used to convince more and more of the same: If you want results, this is what you need. "Look what it did for so and so!!" But here's the deal:

 The manufacturers/creators of these products base their formulas and procedures on proven science. And they make millions and some make billions of dollars. Rarely do they consider the most critical element of them all: The human element.  The human element is where it gets real.

 And when it gets real, truths are revealed. Ultimately, these truths, rejected, determine how it all goes regardless of the science involved. These truths accepted and embraced, have the ability to change everything for that person--different from any other weight loss or maintenance attempt.

 But all of that doesn't matter to the weight loss industry, because at the same time it's becoming real for many, many more are reaching the point of desperation...and another sale is made. 

 It's an industry fortified and nurtured by our ability to believe in a product more than we believe in ourselves.   

 And we gotta believe that the spiritual, mental, emotional and the elemental tools needed, exist for each of us. I believe they do. They're not all the same. Our combinations are all slightly different. But they exist for me and they exist for you.
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Today's bi-weekly maintenance weigh-in at the doctor's office:
photo 212.0 weigh day_zpss0bf6sug.jpg
This represents a .8 pound gain from the previous 211.2. This is a good fluctuation. I see a nice pattern developing...
photo photo 18_zpsmjfb3tnc.png
I don't get too caught up in all of the statistics and numbers today's technology provides, but I really dig these numbers.

Today was an incredible day. I'll let the tweets handle the rest, while I get some rest.

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 3 comments:

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

December 22, 2015 Far Beyond The Physical

December 22, 2015 Far Beyond The Physical

I left my radio show thirty minutes early this morning. The soreness of the "happening" is subsiding each day. This morning was different, I felt sick, didn't sleep well last night and needed to go home for rest before returning for afternoon production duties and a big holiday giveaway broadcast this evening.

I crashed for a few hours and woke feeling better. I'm still moving slowly but I'm sure I'll be back to 100% by Christmas.

I plan on returning to the gym tomorrow. I've really had to practice a calm self-compassion/understanding over my lack of workouts the past week. The fall was early Saturday morning...I haven't stepped foot in the gym since Friday evening. 

It's interesting, even with a perfectly valid reason to rest and recuperate, my brain still thinks poorly of missing too many days in a row. In a way that's good, as long as it doesn't develop into self-abusive thoughts. It must be tempered with honest reason.

I maintained the integrity of my plan today. I navigated my calorie budget well and I remained abstinent from refined sugar. Tomorrow is another maintenance weigh-in at the doctor's office. I weigh every two weeks during maintenance mode. This schedule is subject to change, but right now it seems to be working well for me.

I've had a few support exchanges over the last few days that reminded me of places I've been along this road. It inspired me to explore one particular dynamic: The complacency that sometimes develops after we experience a measure of success.

When we have some success, even when it's far from the goals we're working toward, and we're feeling better than we have in a long time, we can be tempted to let our guard down.

This is a normal dynamic. Success often breeds complacency. Suddenly, occasionally sacrificing our plan doesn't seem to be a big deal. Complacency runs amok without a plan.

Complacency breeds negative results.

An expansion on these thoughts goes back to the heart of why self-awareness is critically important. It's why when we reach certain milestones we mustn't stop, we remain aware--we keep our plan--maybe we make some slight modifications, but we're not becoming complacent.

In this thought process, I find the important reasons why I don't "got this," and how it isn't about "arriving" at some magical destination.

It also confirms why developing a plan I can enjoy for life is critically important. And if I give my plan the reverence it deserves and I remain aware, then I have the best chance at avoiding complacency. 

And in this, I'm giving myself a gift of continued freedom, the likes of which go far beyond the physical.

My Tweets Today:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 2 comments:

Monday, December 21, 2015

December 21st, 2015 Softly Hitting The Pillow

December 21st, 2015 Softly Hitting The Pillow

I've been really sore all day. I did work a regular schedule. I'm keeping tonight's edition short. One thing I wanted to do is share a little excerpt on my parallel streams philosophy.

I've written about the "life stream" and the "fundamental elements stream" and how they must run parallel to one another without crossing.

 If we allow life and all of the energy it takes to maneuver, to negatively affect our ability to maintain consistency in the daily elements of our extraordinary care, then it always will. The frustration of inconsistency will be a common theme if the life stream is allowed to dip down into the fundamental elements stream on a regular basis.

 And if we get too carried away, making the fundamental elements all consuming, then we run the risk of it crossing up into our life stream. And that's when it isn't any fun and we dread what we're doing every day.

 I've had several challenges of late where I really had to remember the power of this "parallel streams" philosophy. I've discovered, when life demands more attention, we don't have to let go of the elements giving us our success, but we can scale back the amount of energy it uses to operate. We don't sacrifice the integrity of the elements, we just do what we can do. For me--on super busy days, I have three requirements: 1. Stay within my calorie budget  2. Hold my abstinence from sugar sacred  3. Send the accountability tweets and write this blog--even if it's just the tweets of the day.

 Taking some otc pain medicine and softly hitting the pillow. I'm hoping I'll feel much better tomorrow after a decent night's sleep.

I'm letting the Tweets share the rest of today's story...

My Tweets Today:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 6 comments:

Sunday, December 20, 2015

December 20th, 2015 It's So Happy

December 20th, 2015 It's So Happy

First of all, I must pause to express tremendous appreciation for the overwhelming support this weekend. The well wishes, prayers and messages really encouraged me to do the right thing and get to a doctor. Thank you. I'm blessed and immensely grateful.

I was at the urgent care facility not long after they opened this morning. It was busy. After awhile, they called me back and I explained the incident. The doctor on duty explained to me how they didn't have the proper tests needed to determine the things needing certainty and immediately referred me to the emergency room.

I chose to travel to my hometown medical center with the plan to see mom after getting checked out.

The nurse who was getting my records and information ready for the doctor did a double take at the old information she had on file. I smiled and calmly said, "I've lost a lot of weight." "Wow, I guess so, how did you do it?"

This is the point where I decide what's appropriate, the slightly longer explanation or the short and sweet version. I opted for short and sweet. Besides, I wasn't there to discuss the multitude of variables that go into all of this transformation. It's certainly not all about food and exercise. Those two are the least of it, really. But that's what I said, "just eating well and exercising." There's a time and place for every conversation. This wasn't the time or the place. Although, it's always tempting to launch into different dynamics and perspectives that have helped me in monumental ways.

The doctor came in and immediately started reviewing my vitals and administering some basic tests. Then we talked about what happened. He went over each detail carefully and we explored the cause and effect family tree, if you will. After a series of different evaluations he smiled and said, "you're fine. You're sore, but that'll wear off over the next several days. Everything looks great."

This whole thing could have been much worse. It wasn't. My ribs hurt, my shoulder blade carpet burn is irritating and my head hurts to the touch--not on the inside. I'm hobbling around like a man 40 years my senior, but that's okay. I'm lucky. This shall pass!

The description of exactly what happened is actually comical. After the doctor determined I was all clear, we once again started recounting the details and we shared laughter. It wasn't funny when it happened and it wasn't funny while worrying about what it could have been or was--but I must say, it felt good to laugh with the doctor--at least, mentally and emotionally. Physically, laughter hurts my bruised ribs!

I stopped by mom's house after the ER to put her fears to rest and was delighted she hadn't read anything online about this situation. I surprised her when I arrived through her front door. She wasn't expecting me. I love mom's delightfully surprised look. It's so happy. We visited for awhile before I headed home to relax and rest.

I've taken it easy since I made it back home. I prepared a late lunch and laid down after taking some OTC pain reliever. I fell asleep of course, enjoyed the rest actually, then got up and carried on.

I've contacted a colleague about possibly covering my radio show in the morning. I may need to stay home. I haven't decided and I won't make that call until I see how I feel around 5am. This is the busiest time of year for our industry. If I can make it through, I need to do it. I might work a half day if possible.

I took time and care in preparing today's meals. I left 181 calories on the table. I'm not the least bit concerned about this. It's fine, especially considering I didn't workout yesterday or today for obvious reasons. 

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 5 comments:

Saturday, December 19, 2015

December 19th, 2015 Beaten Up

December 19th, 2015 Beaten Up

I feel like I've been beaten up. Here's what happened: I was jolted awake last night sometime after 4am with muscle cramps in my lower legs and feet. Strange really, because I'm getting enough potassium, I'm pretty sure.

Anyway-- I've learned the quickest way to get rid of the initial pull is to stand up--or basically apply resistance to the affected muscles. Half asleep--I jump up to my feet...and I'm not even awake, really--not fully...and I can't keep my balance....I immediately fell across the room (thanks to me trying to over-correct the imbalance) and did a header into my bedroom doorway frame before landing on the floor in the hallway.

I tried to get up too quick, was dizzy and fell again. Then I stayed there for about five minutes trying to figure out what happened and why I was in the middle of the floor in my small hallway.

My heart was racing and I was sweating. I finally pulled myself up and slowly made my way back to the bed where I collapsed.

I have two knots on my head and a decent sized carpet burn on my back right shoulder blade. And as the day progressed, I noticed my ribs on the left side became more and more sore and sensitive. I can pinpoint the exact spot on my ribs where it hurts the worst.

I've never experienced anything like it in all my life.

It all happened so fast. I entertained the idea of checking to see if a colleague could do my location broadcast but by mid-morning the soreness hadn't fully developed so I decided to get my job done.

I planned to do a couple of short guest sets tonight at the comedy club in my hometown. I was still planning this until about 5pm, when I realized it hurt to breathe and moving quickly was a challenge. I needed rest and relaxation, so I cancelled.

I almost made a trip to the urgent care facility (we have three, but only one was open tonight), then decided to wait until morning.

I have a knot on the left side of my head and one on the back of my head, a bruised rib (or worse--I guess I'll find out tomorrow at the urgent care clinic). Oh--and this nice little carpet burn on my shoulder blade:
photo ouch_zpso0vodvfe.jpg
Ouch. I'm grateful this wasn't worse, because it could have been much worse.

I'm letting the Tweets tell the rest of the day's details--

My Tweets Today:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 14 comments:

Friday, December 18, 2015

December 18th, 2015 Simply Beautiful

December 18th, 2015 Simply Beautiful

I overslept this morning. Not enough to be late, just enough to rush through my early morning. When this happens, I end up sacrificing important things I do each morning. I planned on adding some simple body weight strength exercises in my morning routine. That is a plan that is happening. It didn't happen this morning, but it's happening. It'll be fun and easy to do. One of those, why didn't I start doing this sooner? ...type things.

There's always the potential for instability all day when a day starts rushed. Fortunately, I was determined this would be a great day. I made it great. I had a good show, I accomplished some things at work, I engaged support and I made a couple of really important phone calls. I also took extra care in preparing great food. I found a less than half price deal on fresh salmon, I resisted the coffee at the store (not too impressive--I did have coffee at home, tonight), and  I enjoyed a great treadmill workout at the gym. I came home, prepared an outstanding dinner and enjoyed a nice call with a support buddy.

Now, I'm looking through my photo collection (over 1,700) and selecting some for a collection of before & now pictures.

Just for fun...
photo 52503214.jpg

photo Beforeonstageatponcan.jpg

photo Mail0025.jpg

photo 36thBirthdayMoneyPicture.jpg

photo Oldbeforephoto.jpg

photo RyansIphonepicofme-1.jpg

photo seansantapresents.jpg

photo stage.jpg

photo 0123aastandupset_zpsszlv0wwf.jpg

photo Ladies night 3_zpst6vavj6p.jpg

photo Selfie20night_zpsk0fsvnqm.jpg

photo mom and me_zps34uknkvv.jpg

photo 98655181-74de-44fc-8a9a-a74b9947b141_zpske39oqvx.jpg

That was fun! Okay-- I plan on having a productive and enjoyable weekend with plenty of rest and some pure joy built in each day. I get to sleep in tomorrow morning before a 1-4pm location broadcast, then I'm traveling to the LOL Comedy Club in Stillwater to see the show and perform a couple of short ten minute guest sets in the 7pm and 9:30pm shows.

This is likely one of my earliest posting times on a Friday night in more than a year.

Oh-- one more thing... I was sitting at my desk this evening, waiting for an expected support call when suddenly I heard singing. It sounded amazing. I quickly made my way to the door, opening it up to the most wonderful thing. Christmas Carolers--right downstairs! They immediately looked up, smiled and continued singing their beautiful song. Then--my phone rang... I couldn't shut the door on them!!! So I whispered into the phone... "I'll call you back in a few minutes, carolers are outside." I smiled at the carolers as they performed and they smiled back.

Is it normal to get slightly emotional when a large group of people are singing so beautifully while looking at you? I couldn't help it. I didn't start crying, but I had some lip tremble happening. I've never experienced this before...carolers, not the lip tremble thing.

 Do I sing along? Or do I just enjoy and smile? Do I tip them or give them food? Invite them in for dark roast with half and half? These are questions that ran through my mind. What a blessing. After two encores, they made their way to another neighborhood to make someone else's day... simply beautiful. 

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 5 comments:

Thursday, December 17, 2015

December 17th, 2015 Some Adjustments

December 17th, 2015 Some Adjustments

I had a midday Christmas party to attend today. My strategy is simple: Take something in total harmony with my food plan. This way, if everything else doesn't qualify, I'm fine. Everyone loved my homemade guacamole! The host of the party was dicing grilled chicken tenderloins for a more elaborate & festive dish. I requested a couple of those--and with my guac and chips, I was set.

I hurried back to work after the party for a meeting, then stayed the remainder of the afternoon--taking a quick break to ship some books, then back again for afternoon production duties. It was late afternoon when I walked in the door...hungry and tired. 

I prepared a good late afternoon snack, had a wonderful phone conversation with a mentor/support friend about my apparent instability of late (I'm blessed with incredible support friends who know me VERY well)--then, even though it was late, I decided on a short nap.

You know what happens next. 

I overslept the nap. By an hour. It was really good sleep. The smarter thing to do would have been to hit the gym, home for dinner--and then getting to bed at a reasonable hour. Again--it was some of the best sleep I've had in a while. I woke feeling rested and refreshed. That's great, sure--but not so great for my schedule.

I've struggled the past week or so. My food plan remains solid. I haven't sacrificed that in the slightest. However, I feel like I've allowed everything else to become out of sorts. This feeling of instability really fired up while preparing for my long-form stand-up gig last week. I was so full of anxiety--and then it turned out wonderful... A standing ovation after an hour of stand-up, I really couldn't have been more pleased.

But still-- I sacrificed workouts, and worse--sleep, in making sure it went well. 

I have many personal and professional goals--and sometimes I feel stuck. I get glimpses of what I love and desire, but I sometimes feel like there are too many options, too many possibilities for me--and then, instead of moving toward those things, I hold myself back in certain ways. 

And when the workouts and sleep start taking a backseat, I worry my food disciplines might follow suit.

I'll tell you right now--My recovery and stability is EXTREMELY important to me... and yes, my food (maintaining maintenance budget and abstinence from refined sugar) is VERY solid, but I must firm up the rest of my life in order for things to stay solid.

photo l_c802fbbeb4ffc5f4d2b58b4d2a743f04.jpg
#TBT For someone who seriously hated having photos taken, I sure do have a lot of 500 pound-plus pictures. I'm glad I have them. I don't hate them anymore. I love them, actually.

My workout tonight was non-negotiable. It did me more good mentally than physically--and that's not to say it wasn't a good workout, it was a great workout--I just really needed it, in a big way.

I'm following some advice from support friends and supportive reader comments by implementing some small changes in my workout routines and schedules. The worst thing I can do is beat myself up relentlessly for perceived failure that isn't a failure to begin with--it's simply where I am. And where I am is in need of some adjustments.

My Tweets Today:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 2 comments:

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

December 16th, 2015 What Would Happen?

December 16th, 2015 What Would Happen?

I have no idea why I didn't sleep well last night, but I didn't. It made today exceptionally difficult. I was able to grab a short nap after my haircut today, before returning to work. It helped. And was needed since I planned on picking up my grandson Noah after work.

Noah joined me for dinner and a Christmas lights tour! He LOVES the Christmas lights. He was in awe. It was quality time with that little guy, for sure.

I'm in a real slump with my workouts of late. Chris, a loyal reader of this blog, suggested it might be a kind of self-sabotage. I think Chris is hitting on something. I must explore this a little deeper in order to change my perspective and routine. I hold many non-negotiable elements sacred, but the workouts have never fallen into that category of importance. 

I think part of it is being in maintenance mode. My brain seems to relax a little. It's not as urgent as it once was. I'm super careful and aware if this type of dynamic tries to creeps into my food disciplines-but I'm too lax in letting it infect my exercise/strength training plan. It goes back to what I've written time and time again, "well at least my food plan was solid," and that's great, however, I seem to allow that thought to enable less of a commitment in the exercise department.

 I've really been tough on me today. I'm disappointing myself in this area and that doesn't feel good. In their book "Be Quick--But Don't Hurry," Andrew Hill and John Wooden wrote "If we magnified our blessings as much as we magnify disappointments, we would all be much happier." I get that, I do, but I think I might be doing it too much. I suppose there's a better balance needed. 

I wonder what would happen if I gave my strength training and overall exercise schedule the same importance level I apply to the fundamental elements of my recovery?

My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 15 comments:

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

December 15th, 2015 Without A Single Bite

December 15th, 2015 Without A Single Bite

Perhaps it was the extra sleep, I don't know. I woke up feeling much better today. I'm grateful. I rested exceptionally well. I made sure to get extra vitamin C today. I finished with almost 600% of the daily recommended allowance. I feel good about it--and I feel well.

Just like last month, we had a restaurant and bakery as a guest on my radio show this morning. They brought almost everything. The studio was filled with pies, cookies, muffins and cinnamon rolls. The aroma of sugar was thick. It was pretty. But I'm careful not to fall for pretty/shiny.

I checked my sugar abstinence number... 593 Days... okay, yeah--I'm not sacrificing what I have today for anything on the counter. It did make for a great interview and effective marketing. It worked exceptionally well last month. I suspect today's efforts will result in the same positive way.
photo PerkinsPieDrop_zpsxrr6jifx.jpg
This is a clear case of me just doing my job. This isn't the first time. I have commercials on the air for pizza places, an Italian restaurant and several other examples of me selling food. And it's perfectly fine. Food is good. Our clients make great food. And not everyone needs the kind of fundamental elements of recovery I live by each day. I can sell food. Really well. It's not a conflict of interest because food is just food. I am just me. And my daily practices/boundaries with my food plan isn't anything against food. It's a practice in support of what's best for me. What's best for me isn't necessary for most others.

Besides, I've devoured these things many times in my life. I can assure you, Perkins Restaurant and Bakery makes the best...and I can say that with certainty, without a single bite.

I had a great day with a wonderful cardio workout and some exceptional food. I'm not doing the strength training I mentioned doing in my post workout tweet. I will do the strength training tomorrow. I'm dropping in bed within minutes.

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 2 comments:

Monday, December 14, 2015

December 14th, 2015 Whatever's Brewing

December 14th, 2015 Whatever's Brewing

I rarely get sick. I've felt it coming on all day today. I spoke to mom and she's felt the same way. It's not too bad at the moment. I took an extended midday break from work to see if I could feel better before returning. I still felt this sick feeling coming over. My grandson Noah, same thing. Noah had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I might need to follow Noah's lead. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Today, I celebrated 600 days in a row of faithfully using MyFitnessPal to log my food and exercise! I don't get too deep into statistics, but if ever I wanted, it's all there--nutritional number for each day, every day. And the Twitter feed has the accompanying photos, descriptions and calorie counts of everything. Consistently logging my food each day is a non-negotiable element for me and it's truly made a profound positive impact on my turnaround from relapse/regain.
photo photo 17.png_zpspjx2y0ig.jpeg

I've managed to eat well today despite how I'm feeling. Everything is staying where it needs to stay at the moment, so that's good. I'm hoping some extra rest tonight will help turn the tide on whatever's brewing.

My Tweets Today:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 9 comments:
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