Once you know the truth, you can't un-know it. It's from where the expression "recovery is a buzz kill" comes. I've had many Christmas times in my past where it was a feeding frenzy from the moment I got out of bed until I dropped, stuffed and sick, and pleading "someone, please pass the Zantac."
It is entirely possible to know the truth and choose to ignore it. I've done that before, too.
The truth is, excessive food on Christmas or any other day, doesn't make anything better. It doesn't enhance the experience. It's an artificial alternative for the experiences and things that bring us fulfillment and joy. Maybe we don't know what the authentic things are, so in our search we find our substance instead. Then we beat our head against the wall doing it over and over again and expecting it to be the real deal, when it never will be what we're truly searching.
It's in this understanding where those of us in active recovery realize the truth and set our boundaries accordingly. I still get to eat, but with ironclad rules, specifically designed for me.
I started my Christmas morning with coffee and a plan to have a wonderful Christmas. I accomplished this goal. I did eat things I normally don't. I had stuffing and mashed potatoes with gravy. And while everyone else cut into the pies, I grabbed my sugar free personal size lemon pie, took one look at the calorie count and decided 1/2 was all I could invest.
I started getting a stomach ache not long after this, so I'm pretty sure my body was having a fit with what amounted to foreign substances in my system. The more I think about it, the more I believe it was the sugar free pie creating the discomfort. I have no idea what kind of chemical combination the creators of this sugar free pie used to make it taste good, but there wasn't anything natural about it, I promise you.
I took a short nap before embarking on the Christmas Day 5K around Boomer Lake. After the great workout and with my stomach feeling better, I decided to skip leftovers for dinner and instead, I enjoyed a cup of coffee while visiting with family. I arrived home late and still under 1300 calories for the day when I decided to throw together a late dinner of bean and cheese tostadas.
The gum chewing strategy while cooking worked flawlessly today.
When I reflect on this Christmas experience and what was great about it, the food isn't even a thought. (It really wasn't that good, actually--and I can say that because I was the cook!)
What was great? The time, conversation and love shared among family. And this tells me my focus was in the right place today. We'll all get together again on Sunday, this time with my daughters and grandson Noah. I can't wait!
I made a point to reach out for support and I made myself available as a support buddy for others. I enjoyed some nice text interactions with some of the members of the support group Gerri Helms and I conduct and a couple of interactions with non-group members, too.
I made it through because I made the elements of my recovery and success very important. I'm hitting the pillow (a brand new fancy pillow--thank you mom!) tonight with a confident feeling, knowing I did well. And to me, this feels better than any past Christmas Day feeding frenzy.
My Tweets Today:
The turkey will wait until I get coffee in me. Sugar free hazelnut creamer. 30 cal X 2 cups= 60 cal. Merry Christmas! pic.twitter.com/3EBaAvjxqZ
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 25, 2014
Turkey and Ham in the oven! #Christmascooking pic.twitter.com/lK3L9R0s6I
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 25, 2014
One more. Sugar free hazelnut creamer. 30 cal. pic.twitter.com/JauQFivm2p
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 25, 2014
Three whole egg omelet w/a slice of American cheese inside, 2 slices turkey bacon & a golden delicious apple. 410 cal pic.twitter.com/homlQZJ1En
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 25, 2014
Two pieces of gum is 10 calories. Let the cooking continue! pic.twitter.com/NRE8LrheTW
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 25, 2014
Turkey breast (6oz), squash & asparagus, green beans w/cheese, turkey stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy. 592 cal. pic.twitter.com/bG1duVyUqA
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 25, 2014
4 cups water. I'm very full. Done for a while! #wateraccountability pic.twitter.com/LXWhzuqGL4
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 25, 2014
1/2 small 'personal size' sugar free lemon pie. 156 cal. pic.twitter.com/Wx4xi2Flh9
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 25, 2014
Anderson Family Christmas Day 5K is underway. #goodexercise #walkaroundthelake
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 25, 2014
5K complete! It was windy and cool, but not bad! pic.twitter.com/qjm1EhT5kv
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 26, 2014
4 more cups-8 for the day. #watertracking pic.twitter.com/5KxZCLu2jk
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 26, 2014
Evening coffee while visiting with family. Sugar free hazelnut creamer. 30 cal. pic.twitter.com/4xLurKEjiI
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 26, 2014
Think bean & cheese nachos, that's what it tastes like. Bean (1.5 srv) & provolone tostadas! #lastfoodofday 555 cal. pic.twitter.com/RAnpKNIxVi
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) December 26, 2014
Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Glad you had a nice Christmas, Sean. You deserve it. Glad you did it your way.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Gwen! It turned out really nice!
DeleteHappy holidays sean. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteJohn, thank you. I hope you had a good Christmas. And Happy New Year!
DeleteThe phrase : "I still get to eat, but with ironclad rules, specifically designed for me" really rings true for me.
ReplyDeleteI know the transitional sugar-free foods that I used are now not in use. During the year between loss and long term maintenance my body let me know "okay for now, but not for long term"
Glad you are in a space where the clarity can have you listening to your body's feedback.
Your support system is awesome.
Yes, indeed--Karen... Okay for now--but not for long term.
DeleteIt's kind of like a novelty thing at the moment-- 'here's something that looks sugary but it isn't!' But as you said---the body rejects whatever it is in it...
Listening to my body in such a fine tuned way is a relatively new thing for me.
I've really made the support system critically important. It takes effort because it doesn't come natural to reach out for support-- the opposite is natural...withdrawing and isolating, trying to stay strong alone..Realizing the power of good support when it's used and offered, has really been a blessing learned.
Thank you Karen!
"I still get to eat, but with ironclad rules, specifically designed for me" Absolutely true! If you think about it, these ironclad rules apply to every meal, or snack we eat & drink the rest of our lives. It's very possible that piece of pie did not agree with you. Lets just rule out all the other food and assume it was the sole reason for you discomfort. You know me -- when I say I view that sugar free piece of pie worse than had it been a regular piece of pie. My condolences - NOT! if this causes you to skip the sugar free pie next Christmas. LOL! It's very difficult to question your eating habits these days and love picking on you when I get the chance. :)
ReplyDeleteJon, you're the best. Yeah--I'm thinking that pie was my last--at least from that place. The stevia peach pie from Thanksgiving didn't affect me the same way. It's working for me--this personalized plan... And you're so right, it's the rest of our lives, my friend!
DeleteGlad you had a good day. The sweetener in the sugar free pie might have been what didn't agree with you. Some people are really sensitive to them, even in really small doses.
ReplyDeleteI ate healthily too yesterday and feel better for it. I don't miss that bloated awful feeling from overeating.
Keep up the good work!
Thank you, A! I think you're right about whatever they used to sweeten the sugar free pie...
DeleteGlad you had a very well Christmas, too! I'm with you--I do not miss the bloated/sick feeling of being stuffed!
I will keep it up--you too! And thank you, again!
Merry Christmas! I know that holiday meal was delicious because you prepared it with love. :-)
ReplyDeleteI've gotten to where artificial sweeteners don't do well with me. When I have a diet pepsi (infrequently) I know it! You may find yourself drifting more toward the natural fruit kind of desserts. Heck, I love to eat plain butternut squash. It tastes plenty sweet to me with nothing added!
You've had quite the journey Sean. I look forward to reading all about what you do in the coming year! Take care.
Neca, Thank you! I did prepare it with love! :) Yeah--I really believe it's in my best interest to stick with natural fruit based/sweetened desserts from here on out. It really messed with me physically.
DeleteIt's been a wonderful exploration, Neca--and it's continues! I sincerely appreciate your wonderful support!!
You've done well with the holidays so far! My brother and I were going to our Christmas Eve walk but there's no snow here :( I did a 5K swim at a pool instead :)
ReplyDeleteMerry (belated) Christmas and a very Happy New Year Sean! Hope 2015 will be another great year for you :)
Nikki, thank you!! Your 5K swim is remarkable! That's big time exercise! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Nikki--2015 can be our best, yet!
DeleteMerry Christmas Sean!
ReplyDeleteKatrin, Thank you! Merry Christmas to you, too! And Happy New Year!
Delete