Friday, October 27, 2017

October 27th, 2017 Just One

October 27th, 2017 Just One

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with good support.

Today's schedule called for a long day. A midday four-hour location broadcast stretched the schedule to a twelve hour day. I took exceptional care of my food plan today. I arranged for lunch to be delivered to my broadcast--and tonight, rather than cooking at home, I opted to dine out at a restaurant a couple blocks from my apartment. I know the owners of this restaurant very well because I write, voice, and produce their monthly radio advertising campaigns. I finally took them up on the offer to use my Ezekiel bread for a burger. It worked perfectly within the boundaries of my food plan.

I was asked about not eating any of the birthday brownie cake served at my party the other night--the question was, how do you resist that, especially on your birthday? I've written a bunch about my abstinence from refined sugar and how it's truly changed things for me. Just as prominent is the ongoing understanding, definition, and education of what are my trigger foods. Foods that contain refined sugar and foods on my personal "trigger" list are not my food (a phrase I learned from Gerri Helms!). I can be around it--others can enjoy it---and I'm okay with my food plan. 

There's peace in acceptance. Acceptance to me means a full embrace of this "not my food" style of eating. Acceptance and this embrace of certain food plan non-negotiables only came when the denial was over. 

 In my experience, denial equals struggle. 

Denial was constantly asking myself, why do I keep eating like this?? The answer of course, because I'm a food addict, wasn't something I was going to admit. Denial was constantly thinking I could "eat just one," or "just this one time," or "I can binge for this special occasion and get right back on track tomorrow." I couldn't and can't do any of those things. Some people really can--but I can't. I certainly believed I could for a very long time because I was in deep denial of my personal truth, despite maintaining a body weight in excess of 500 pounds. The proof was in plain sight, but I couldn't see it. I didn't want to see it because looking at it honestly meant doing something--and doing something threatened my relationship with the very things my addiction required. 

Denial was also found in believing food could somehow fix me in highly emotional and stressful situations or periods of time. At best, food only delayed dealing with emotions and stressful situations--it's never fixed anything outside of myself. I will admit--the natural and deeply ingrained reaction to "escape into the food" still lives in me, and I'm convinced it always will. Staying out of that denial trap takes a daily practice.

And that right there is why I must continue taking care of me with a food plan and style of eating, a plan with daily accountability measures, and a plan of support alongside people who are also traveling this road.

Today's Accountability Tweets:


Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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