My identity and self worth does not increase with weight loss and it doesn't decrease with weight gain. No matter what the scale says, I'm happy with who I am and what I'm about. And I am because I'm taking extraordinary care and my commitment will not waver. This was what I focused on this morning as I prepared for weigh day.
I was a little concerned going in especially after discovering the calorie burn discrepancy. I've been eating more intentionally because I sincerely thought I was burning more! It actually worked in my favor. All of those nights when I didn't get to my 1200 net after calories burned, I was actually making it there and beyond nearly every time. Considering I ignored this metabolism advice during my initial weight loss, opting to stay at 1500 calories per day regardless of my exercise and then I still hit my stated goal, made it even harder to open my mind enough to trust.
My goal is no longer a number. My perspective has changed dramatically. Now, my goal is to achieve a healthy weight, whatever that might be and along the way, take care of my body in ways foreign to my initial weight loss. My last weigh in was a 7 pound loss--so in my mind, I was fully prepared for a smaller loss. Considering the increased calories lately, I was preparing myself for consistency over speed. I was shocked when I stepped on the doctor's office scales today and found:
11 pounds down from last time! Actually, 11.2 from the 336.2 three weeks ago. I was stunned for a moment as I tried to remember my weight from last time. I was disoriented. I actually had to look for the last weigh day scale picture on my phone before confirming the statistics.
The doctor's office staff are really starting to get into this every three weeks. They were full of smiles and congrats today--and questions about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. It felt good.
It was mid-April when these same office staffers found me weighing my top regain weight of 394. I was incredibly miserable that day. Gaining back 164 pounds of a 275 pound weight loss was a hard thing to accept, even though we all know it could have been much worse. I could have gained it all back plus some, I mean really, that's usually how it works. And I was headed back there very quickly when I finally reached the point of enough. I remember being so relieved because I hadn't crossed back into the 400's.
I have a six month checkup appointment with my doctor on Monday and if his office staff hasn't told him about any of this progress, he's in for a big surprise.
Six months ago our appointment was about high blood pressure medicine, my sleep apnea and possibly considering some alternative methods of getting the weight off. I was a scared man in his office six months ago. Scared, disappointed, ashamed, guilty, sad and in some ways, "in hiding" from the person I wanted to be; the person I truly believed I was. Today, it goes without saying--I can't wait to see the doctor! I'm a very different person. And this difference has nothing to do with the 69 pound loss. I'm changed on so many other, much deeper levels.
I've lost 69 pounds in 16 weeks. I'm 95 pounds from my previous healthiest weight. I love that. But what I love even more is the truest and most profound self-love I've ever allowed. It's changed my life regardless of the number on the scale.
My plan was to do the spin and swim combo this evening, but when work duties called I cancelled the swimming. I strapped the heart monitor on before spinning class and ended with it registering a 437 calorie burn. This number is a little over half the 800 calories I thought I was burning . It's all good! I was able to stay just under my 1700 budget and still hit 1,245 net calories after calories burned. I love having an accurate number!
I couldn't be happier with my progress. It's very easy for me to conclude the weight gain was actually a blessing in disguise. Had I not gained so much of the weight I initially lost, I would have missed some critical elements I needed to learn. I'm open and willing to learning more and more.
My food tweets today:
Guac omelet (3 whole eggs) w/122grams avocado, onion, tomato & 15g light sr crm, red seedless grapes (205g). 575 cal. pic.twitter.com/wOUaYzRWSk
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 13, 2014
Weigh-Day Update: 11 more pounds released in last 3 weeks. Total: 69 pounds in last 16 weeks. #grateful #nevergiveup pic.twitter.com/cO2mIEEHFX
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 13, 2014
Spicy bean & cheese tostados with jalapeños, swiss and mozzarella. Cantaloupe (159g) #flavor #juicysweet 382 cal. pic.twitter.com/NeJI7PyhCU
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 13, 2014
Peanut Butter Sushi. Nat. pnt butter, 100% fruit strawberry, w/bananas on a thin La Tiara white corn shell. 316 cal. pic.twitter.com/Jvw9bpPbRv
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 13, 2014
Sirloin (4.5 oz), grilled asparagus with a touch of olive oil, steamed squash and zucchini. 295 cal. pic.twitter.com/dvVbyP5d61
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 14, 2014
.8 small green apple and Laughing Cow Light Creamy Swiss wedge. 99 calories. #lastfoodofday pic.twitter.com/gkSW3aPIlB
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 14, 2014
Thank you for reading and your continued support. Join us in the comments section for further discussions!
Strength,
Sean
