Friday, July 10, 2015

July 10th, 2015 Needed Nurturing

July 10th, 2015 Needed Nurturing

My schedule today was challenging. Working on too little sleep, I made it until 1pm before calling it a day--then headed home from the studio for lunch, a nap for a recharge--then a location broadcast from 5-7pm, followed by play rehearsal from 7:30pm to nearly 10pm.

My original plan was based on my confusion over the start of the broadcast. For some reason, I thought it was an earlier broadcast. Had it been earlier, I might have had more time for an early dinner and possibly a workout. Instead...

No intentional workout (although my activity level was high enough to get a decent calorie adjustment from Fitbit) and a super late dinner wrapped up the day. I've been burning the candle at both ends and this isn't good for me. But, it is temporary--and I'm loving what I'm doing, so I truly have zero complaints.

Since my private stand-up gig was booked last minute, on Wednesday, I haven't had time to sit down and put together my set list and write specialty material for this corporate client's Saturday night show. My schedule is basically clear tomorrow, so I'll be devoting from morning until night putting together a solid 1/2 hour set. No worries. I've done this many times. I usually have a little more lead time to write specialty stuff, but hey--I still consider myself a pro and It will be fun and funny, bottom line. 

 OMGoodness...what if they don't laugh? I've never approached a show without that thought somewhere in the back of my mind--and sometimes in the front. For me and many comics I know and worked with at one time, it's not the negative you might think. The thought keeps you on your toes--and when they do laugh and it crushes the will they laugh thought into oblivion--it makes it even better.

It wasn't that long ago when I wrote about my desires to do more acting and more stand-up and how these things were a part of me that needed nurturing for the sake of my personal happiness. I'm nurturing the heck out of 'em now! And despite the schedule, I'm much happier!

 Hitting the pillow a little earlier tonight. I'll sleep in a little bit--enough to make a difference, then I'll hit the ground running on getting this stand-up set ready.

My food today was absolutely delicious. It was Italian day for me,---pizza for lunch and pasta for dinner!

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, July 9, 2015

July 9th, 2015 Prove Wrong Those Irrational Fears

July 9th, 2015 Prove Wrong Those Irrational Fears

Today was a very good day. After three days in a row without a workout, I broke that pattern by getting my tail into the YMCA  this afternoon and working it! It felt amazing. Earlier in the day, I posted about my Y intention in the private weekly conference call Facebook group page. It was an accountability/support maneuver, and it worked perfectly. It felt wonderful to post the "I did it" follow up comment!

Today was Mom's birthday. I called to wish her a happy 70th birthday. She's not liking the number seventy, but I've assured her, if she keeps taking exceptional care like she has been of late, the 70's could be some amazing years! She's doing very well and that is a fantastic thing. I'm so proud. I love you mom!!! The two of us will celebrate her birthday this coming Sunday.

I booked a private stand-up gig for Saturday night. I'm excited! This play I'm in and the opportunity to stretch my stand-up comedy muscles are both on my list of things that bring me joy.
 

#TBT Today's Throw-Back Thursday picture is another "Then and Now" side-by-side. The photo on the left was January of last year, near the top of my relapse/regain. I couldn't breathe at night because I was suffering from raging sleep apnea. I was very unstable and inconsistent in my efforts to stop the regain/relapse. That's the face of a very depressed and distressed man who was severely unhappy about how things were going. I was also scared that I might not ever be able to turn the relapse/regain around. It became very dark in that world.  The photo on the right came from my new headshots photo shoot, earlier this week. I must have had an inkling of thought in mind to turn it all around--because I can't, for the life of me, figure out why I snapped the "then" photo--if not to be used at a later date in comparison to healthier photos I was hoping and praying to take one day. Hopes and prayers, answered.

I had a fantastic night at play rehearsal. I'm finally 100% "off book," as they say. I have sixty lines in the play--not the most, by far, but still, for me--quite a bit!! I had twice as many to memorize in Call Me Henry five years ago. Still, I was really worried I wouldn't be able to do it again--such a relief to prove those fears irrational.

 Interesting...I had the same worry about losing the regain weight. What if I can't do it again? That was a very big fear. It's been such a relief to prove wrong those irrational fears. 

I hit all of my goals today. I'm hitting the pillow with that fantastic feeling that comes from knowing the integrity of my fundamental elements of recovery was solid. I'll do my best to do it again, tomorrow.

My Tweets Today:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

July 8th, 2015 Tweets Only

July 8th, 2015 Tweets Only

Tweets only tonight. Must sleep!

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, July 7, 2015

July 7th, 2015 I Could Do Something

July 7th, 2015 I Could Do Something

I keep telling myself, there's legitimate circumstances and then there's excuses--and the temporary schedule I've created is a legitimate circumstance. What am I referencing? I made today another rest day from exercise. And I'm doing my best to not beat myself silly over it. 

The "problem" is, my awareness level is such, it'll take a legitimate circumstance and find a solution. I could do some body weight exercises in my apartment. Not every workout needs to be at the Y or the trail. I could do something...anything. See?

Then again, I've got to be up in less than four hours. There will be a nap midday tomorrow. There's no way around it. The question I must ask myself: Did I navigate today's schedule the best I could? I believe I did. And in that, I should automatically extract some self-compassion and forgiveness.

photo New20Headshots_zpsmhqqn9hp.jpg
The play I'm in needed a new headshot for the program. I haven't had new headshots since my stand-up comedy days. It created the perfect opportunity for a side by side "then and now" photo.

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Mom and I attended Noah's 2nd birthday party and dinner at Irene's house, this evening. Irene's fiance prepared an amazing meal (see dinner tweets below). It was the best chicken dish, ever. Unbelievable, how good it was! This photo collage shows Noah ripping through his gifts. He was really into it!

I left mom at the party while I made my way to play rehearsal, then returned to the party after rehearsal, picked her up and headed back home.

It's ridiculously late. Goodnight--and seriously, I appreciate your continued support.

My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, July 6, 2015

July 6th, 2015 Making The Most of It

July 6th, 2015 Making The Most of It

Mom and I have enjoyed our visit! We're making the most of our visit despite my full schedule. I hurried home late this afternoon and prepared dinner for the two of us before my evening commitments. Mom did some shopping while I made it to my Monday conference call followed by play rehearsal.

Mom is enjoying the meals and I love cooking them for her!

photo Noahtoday_zpsyiydqttd.jpg
Happy birthday to my sweet little grandson Noah. He turned 2 years old today! We're having his birthday party tomorrow (Tuesday) evening. (Photo from a couple of months ago)

Time is short tonight, so I must let the Tweets tell the story of Monday. You'll notice, no workout in there today, however, Fitbit gave me a calorie adjustment of almost 300 calories based on "measured activity."

My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, July 5, 2015

July 5th, 2015 My Thing

July 5th, 2015 My Thing

I love cooking. I didn't realize how much I truly enjoyed cooking until I started this turnaround from relapse/regain. Having mom with me for a few days gives me an opportunity to share my culinary favorites with her! So far, her reviews have been 100% raves! (Of course, she's my mom--so, naturally she would rave no matter what I serve).

I took mom to the YMCA with me this afternoon. She walked the indoor track while I did my weights and elliptical. The timing was perfect. I finished, refilled my water--wiped down my machine and made my way over to the track as she was finishing her walk. We were both clearly drenched, proof positive we were working, well! Watching mom increase her level of self-care has been a wonderful thing to witness. It's beautiful.

In the spirit of the holiday weekend, we enjoyed BBQ chicken and melon for dinner, along with my signature sweet potato/zucchini/red onion dish! This dinner just looks like a 4th of July kind of meal...or, a July 5th kind of meal. It was delicious!

Every day, I have a list of goals: Maintain my calorie budget (subject to change every three weeks as I work my way through finding my maintenance groove), maintain my abstinence from refined sugar, drink a minimum 64oz of water, exercise if it's an exercise day, rest and be okay with it if it's not, maintain my live-Tweet food and exercise stream, be active in support--giving and receiving, and write this daily update. These are my fundamental elements.

I must actively maintain a high level of awareness about how I'm feeling and how those emotions/feelings affect my resolve. Life happens. It's not going to be smooth sailing every day. My awareness focuses on keeping my life stream and fundamental element stream running parallel. If I allow the streams to cross, that's when trouble starts. 

I have a friend who has nearly three decades of sobriety from alcohol. Over the years, he's endured divorce, job changes, extreme financial stress, the death of his parents and other close loved ones. He also got re-married and started a family within these nearly three decades. He's also had serious health challenges and even a child with a serious and chronic health condition. And still, through it all--he hasn't broken his sobriety. I admire him. 

I have many friends who have done the same thing with their recovery from food addiction.

My "thing" isn't alcohol. It's food and more specifically, refined sugar/refined & simple carbs.

My goal, ultimately, each day--is to answer the question: What if I applied the same reverence--the same non-negotiable recovery practices, to my thing? 

Suddenly I can't say, oh well, I've had a rough day so I'll treat myself. Or, I'm under too much stress to take extraordinary care. Or, I've done well, I deserve to binge, now. Or, I'm too emotional to handle this right now.

 Non-negotiable.

It's that important to me.

If life becomes overwhelming on any particular day--and it keeps pushing, and suddenly I decide sacrificing my fundamental elements is what I need in order to cope... then I'll be in trouble.

If ever I start making my fundamental elements so complicated that it's no longer enjoyable and fun and I start sacrificing my life in order to maintain them... I'll be in trouble.

It's a balance. It's a groove. And it's different for each of us. 

My success each day doesn't depend on a scale number, or nice fitting clothes or anything superficial. My success each day is all mine, IF I maintain my fundamental elements--and I make the balance between life and these elements, important.

And gratitude. I must pause to give thanks and gratitude each day. I'm blessed and immensely grateful.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, July 4, 2015

July 4th, 2015 Just, Fantastic

July 4th, 2015 Just, Fantastic

My Independence Day included making a trip to my hometown and picking up mom for lunch and the trip back to my place. The two of us always have a fantastic time together. Mom joined me at the lake for my annual 4th of July broadcast. We took some good food to the lake, enjoyed the event, laughed a bunch and watched the big fireworks display together.

I really wanted to grill some chicken with sugar free BBQ sauce but I ran out of time. Our alternate food plan included meats, cheeses and fruit. It was perfect.

I'd like to introduce you to Shirley from Tennessee. Her success is incredibly inspiring. 61 years old, MS, recovering from a stroke, being a caregiver to her 95 year old dad...AND still, during the most challenging and stressful times of her life: Choosing change to the tune of 200 pounds down!

Shirley's transformation is truly multi-faceted, mentally-emotionally-spiritually-physically. You're amazing, Shirley! Shirley expressed that she was really apprehensive about sharing so much on her personal facebook page and it took some bravery for her to share this incredible before/now side by side photo. I applaud your bravery, Shirley! And thank you for letting me share it here on my blog!
Your story is powerful!

photo A20Shirley_zpsgpp5yakg.jpg
"I am not at a healthy weight yet, but hit a 200-pounds lost milestone today, so I thought I would share this to encourage you that God can do anything. May He alone be glorified."

 "From the age of 8, I have struggled with my weight and been on diets, only to regain the weight as soon as the diet was over. A few years ago I lost from 380 down quite a bit and then gained back to the 260s and stayed there. God changed a lot in me back then, but last year on my 60th birthday in July, I got a huge wake up call when I had a major MS relapse and was later diagnosed with MS and also had had a stroke. The words a friend had shared with me became my reality "Choose change before change chooses you." I did not need a new diet at that point, but a way to live my life that was healthy…for the duration. After a lot of prayer, I began a way of eating that both helped me to lose but also was something I was willing and able to do long term. During the most stress-filled year of my life, with declining health and while being the care-giver for my 95-year old precious dad, God’s grace has sustained and carried me. In the past, stress was my invitation to overeat, but God had other plans."

If you have a question or comment for Shirley, feel free to use the comments section below!

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Mom is staying a few days with me and will be here for Noah's 2nd birthday party! We're looking forward to it! Mom is planning to join me at the YMCA tomorrow. She'll get her walk in on the indoor track and I'll get my workout!

I'm looking forward to cooking for mom, too!

As far as maintenance mode goes, I have a feeling I'm losing weight. I suppose if I gotta have trouble with this part of the process, I'd rather it be a losing "problem" and not a gaining one. I write about this losing suspicion because I'm really in tune with my body and I can tell my metabolism is burning hot. The light breakfast from this morning--two eggs, over-easy and fruit, my metabolism scorched that quickly and I was clearly hungry within two hours.

I'm patient. And I will continue doing what I'm doing and we'll see what the scale shows in a week and a half. If there's a loss, I'll make some adjustments.

No complaints here. I'm blessed and immensely grateful in so many incredible ways for so many fantastic things.

What a fantastic day. Just, fantastic.

My Tweets Today:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, July 3, 2015

July 3rd, 2015 The Warmest Confirmation of Good

July 3rd, 2015 The Warmest Confirmation of Good

I completely forgot about the pair of jeans that didn't fit. I bought them a few months ago, tried them on--they didn't fit, so I put them in the closet with the thought, give me a little while. 

I was looking around in the closet today, noticed a pair of jeans with the tags still affixed, remembered them and decided to give it a try. The fit was fantastic. These might instantly be my favorite jeans. It was a cool thing to experience.

My focus and attention was on rest and relaxation today and more line memorization and character development for the play I'm in July 17th through the 19th. I'm enjoying this experience immensely! There's something fun and exciting about really getting into a character. This experience has served as a big reminder of how much I love acting.

I prepared some good food for breakfast and lunch, then after my workout, enjoyed a dinner out at the Mexican place around the corner.

My workout tonight must have released an extra helping of endorphins because I literally felt high. A completely natural high, of course--just giddy happy, annoyingly so, I'm sure! 

It was a table for one at the restaurant, so I tweeted a little more than usual. I was almost seated in the same booth where my last relationship officially ended. I asked for a different booth, just because--you know? I wasn't in the mood for reminiscing. I was in a great mood! You can get an idea of my crazy good mood by checking out the tweets below.

When I feel this way, I get into a prime consciousness for writing stand-up material. I made a few notes tonight and I'm working on developing another venue for stand-up shows, soon.

About the dining alone thing. I don't always. Sometimes I'll ask a friend or loved one to go with me. You know, really--for me, someone who has had a few different relationships since my divorce five years ago, it's a good thing. I'm just now learning what it means, what it really feels like, to simply be okay with just me. I was always a little anxious without someone by my side. But now, it's truly different. 

The exploration that started with what I refer to as "Epiphany Day," May 15th, 2014, has made a profound difference in my personal happiness level and that's finally developed enough for me to simply be okay with being single.

A lot of talk happens and many pages are written about the importance of loving ourselves and in my experience it's incredibly easy to apply a surface treatment to it all, without any real substance. But when the associated and resulting behavior changes and these changes are easily tracked back to this inner growth, it's the warmest confirmation of good. 

When I feel like this, it goes hand in hand with taking extraordinary care of the fundamental elements that have brought me this far.

The past uncertainty I once believed to be tethered to my relationship status, created many issues within the relationships I experienced. It's a big personal freedom to realize it was actually attached to the uncertainty within me, about fully accepting and loving me, unconditionally. I had to figure out how to do that. I had to get to know me on a level I rarely took the time to explore.

I'm going to be just fine. And I can write that and say it aloud with conviction in my heart. And someday, I'm sure--I'll meet someone and fall head over heels, but unless I hit my head really hard--I'll not be lured by my desire to fix an uncertainty within me, I already have certainty. This growth has the potential to help make any future relationship much better.

How did I get into all of this anyway? Oh--dining alone, the booth...yeah... feeling good, that...that's right.

I'm traveling to my hometown tomorrow to pick up mom for the 4th of July weekend. She'll join me for my annual location broadcast from the lake and fireworks display. My youngest daughter and my grandson also plan on joining us. Mom will stay a few days with me and we'll all celebrate Noah's 2nd birthday on Monday. I'll have some really good family time, straight ahead!

My Tweets Today:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, July 2, 2015

July 2nd, 2015 I Love That Smell

July 2nd, 2015 I Love That Smell

I'm not going to say one negative thing about how I handled today. It was easily the busiest day I've experienced in the last six months. I did my radio show 6-9am, did some after-show duties, made a coffee run, returned to the studio and worked till 5pm. I took pause for preparing breakfast and lunch in the employee kitchen. I accomplished a bunch of work today. And that feels good!

In the weekly Monday and Tuesday conference call support groups I co-facilitate with Life Coach Gerri, we held a special event Thursday conference call guest speaker from 6pm-7pm, then it was play rehearsal from 7pm to 9:30pm. It was a full day.

And I loved every part of it.

Did I want a workout at the Y today? Yes. It just wasn't possible with this rare schedule.

The doing well at work, the conference call and the play rehearsal, these are all things that bring an overwhelmingly positive and joyous feeling over me.

Then I walked out of rehearsal and it smelled like rain. I love that smell. 

I'm off tomorrow. I plan on sleeping in until I can't.

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, July 1, 2015

July 1st, 2015 The McSeatBelt Story

July 1st, 2015 The McSeatBelt Story

I did not manage myself as well as I did yesterday, today. I wasn't able to get my workout done before preparing dinner. Rehearsal was at 7pm. By the time I made it home, I had just enough time to plan, prepare and pack my evening meal. I did that well, took it along for the ride and enjoyed it, mostly before we started working scenes and some during rehearsal. I was proud of that. I'm not too happy about missing my workout. I was planning to hit the walking train after rehearsal, but I stopped myself. I need rest tonight, more than I need exercise.

I took care of my calorie budget, maintained my abstinence from sugar and once again exceeded my #watergoal, this time by 32oz.

The seat belt thing from last night's post reminded me of a true story I shared very early on in the existence of this blog. I've decided to share it tonight. I've re-formatted this excerpt. Apparently, when I started this blog--I just wrote in one big run-on paragraph. Anyway, this goes way back!

From Thursday October 9th, 2008, Day 25:

A few months ago I was getting ready to head home one evening when I decided that instead of cooking, we would have McDonald's. I drove to the drive through and loaded up with nearly twenty bucks and 4500 calories worth of double cheeseburgers, Quarter Pounders with Cheese, a Filet-O-Fish with extra tarter sauce, and another bag dedicated to the fries.

We were going large that night.

I was nearly three blocks away from home when a motorcycle police officer pulled me over. He walked up to the passenger side window and stuck his head in right above all that food. I can't believe he didn't sneak a fry or two, they were right there in his face and the hypnotizing aroma filled the van. 

He told me that he was pulling me over because I wasn't wearing a seat belt. I want to wear it, and I've tried to wear it, I've even given myself a charley horse in my side trying to buckle that thing, it just will not click. 

So I told him that I couldn't wear the seat belt because it didn't fit. I went on to tell him that I was working on losing the weight (a lie at the time) and soon I would be able to click the seat belt without giving myself a hernia in the attempt. He told me to wait right there, and he went back to his motorbike.

I don't know what he was saying on his radio, but I can only imagine the story he told to his fellow officers about the guy who couldn't fit in the seat belt... “then he said he was working on losing weight...the guy had 23 McDonald's bags in the front seat." 

It was real hard to keep a straight face when I told him that I was trying to lose weight while all the hot food right beside me was wafting in his face.

He came back and told me that after considering the circumstances he would give me a warning this time, and that I needed to look into getting some seat belt extenders. I guarantee he re-told that story when he got home...“you wouldn't believe the guy I pulled over today." 

Before he walked away I really wanted to tell him that the food wasn't all for me. I didn't, I was too embarrassed to say anything but thank you. When I got home I told my family about the traffic stop, and despite the seriousness of not being able to fit in a seat belt, we couldn't help but laugh at that slice of comedy gold, then we ate everything in those 23 bags...actually it was only two bags.
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I'm headed to bed. Here's the first day of July via Tweets!

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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