Monday, July 10, 2017

July 10th, 2017 Ransom

July 10th, 2017 Ransom

There are some days when it feels like there's a constant vibration of emotional energy, a state of being where you teeter between a few different emotions, any of which could manifest with a dam burst of tears, overflowing with force until it's once again a gentle, fragile stream. I'm rarely in that emotional state--but boy howdy, I was today. My dam didn't burst, but maybe it needed to burst. Am I pregnant? Or is that my daughter? I'm pretty sure it's my oldest daughter who's pregnant.

When I posted last night's edition, I noticed the pictures didn't load properly. Instead of the photos, it said I needed to upgrade my Photobucket file storage account to allow 3rd party hosting. I quickly posted the pictures to the blog without using Photobucket embed codes--the formatting is a little different, and I prefer the way the Photobucket pics embed. But clearly, something was wrong.

I looked through some archived editions--and the pictures were gone on those, too. Replaced with what amounts to a ransom request.

You see--this blog is very special to me. It's a nearly 9-year account of some powerful transformations in my life. It's 2,000 blog pages long--and it's something I'm immensely grateful for, proud of, passionate about protecting, and deeply connected with--and--- wow, when I put it like that, it's like my baby. 

 A big part of my baby is the nearly 2,000 photos shared along the way, 90% of which have been embedded directly from my personal Photobucket storage account. Now, they want money--or else the pictures are gone from this blog, until I pay up. See what I mean? Ransom.

I kept my cool last night. I've had a great experience with Photobucket--I've ordered custom canvas prints--spent a good amount of money with them--and at one time, I paid for a premium membership, and I can do it again, no problem--I mean, really--what could it be?? It should be something reasonable, right?? No. I don't begrudge anyone or any company the right to make a living. It's business--people got to eat and provide for their families. But with millions of Photobucket users, certainly this will be a reasonable amount--I'll happily pay it, and the blog pictures will be restored. Uh--no...

They want $399.00 per year, paid annually, in order for the pictures to remain throughout the archives of this blog. That's nuts.

Some days, support connections reach out to me--and those support exchanges help both of us. Today, I reached out for support from three different people. I had to pause more today than most days, and without this pause--I would have been face first in the food, I guarantee it. It took some intentional actions instead of mindless reactions--and I was talked down from the ledge, so to speak. I don't mean I was about to go off the deep end--I was just catastrophizing the situation. But believe me--I'm VERY capable of going over the deep end. There isn't a magic place where we're somehow immune from the dangers of relapse/regain. If I don't practice these things I make important each and every day, I'm at super high risk.

Good support connections helped me come up with a plan for tomorrow. I'm hoping to reach a real person on the phone and possibly work out a deal of some sort. It's not the end of the world. It's not the end of this blog.

Thank goodness I started transitioning to non-Photobucket stored images about a year or so ago--but still, about 90% of the pics on this blog are affected.

I'm grateful for the tremendous support contacts. I'm grateful for so many things-- to make it through a day like today--and that emotional vibration...and hit the pillow with the integrity of my maintenance plan intact--that, to me, is a miracle.

It's not easy to express such vulnerability. Part of me is wanting to delete this entire post. But I will not. Because this is real--and these days come and thank goodness, they go. And it's never as bad as my affected brain likes to make it in the moment.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded today's water goal, I stayed well connected with exceptional support, and I rocked a wonderful workout at the YMCA.

Today's Accountability Tweets:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, July 9, 2017

July 9th, 2017 Her Day

July 9th, 2017 Her Day

Mom turned 72 years old today. It was her day--and we made it great! Several family members were unable to attend today's celebration, so it was a small gathering. It was full of laughs, fun, Amber is pregnant, great visiting, and good food, too. Oh--and did I mention? Amber is pregnant!!

My oldest daughter is having a baby! I knew last night but was sworn to secrecy. Amber made the announcement today and told grandma at our gathering. We had plenty to talk about! It was a fun get together.

When the pie selection wasn't to our party's desire, we moved to a different restaurant for pie and coffee. I simply enjoyed coffee and conversation, and it was wonderful.

I'm very grateful for so many blessings happening all around. I had a chance to rest very well last night--and it really felt great today.

Some pictures from our outing...
Mom and Me. She doesn't look 72!





















Gifts!!!





















Mom, Me, my son-in-law KL, and Amber




















Amber is going to have a baby!!















Yes!!!!!! We're crazy excited!
Noah, Oliver, and now, either Reagan or Kenneth. Both of my daughters are mommas!! How is that possible???

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, I stayed connected with support, and I made time for a nice little workout this evening, here at home.

Today's Accountability Tweets:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, July 8, 2017

July 8th, 2017 Tweets Only

July 8th, 2017 Tweets Only

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with support.

Tweets Only tonight. Tomorrow is mom's birthday! We're planning on spending some good time together tomorrow afternoon.

Today's Accountability Tweets:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, July 7, 2017

July 7th, 2017 The Emotions Still Come

July 7th, 2017 The Emotions Still Come

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with good support contacts.

Today was an exceptionally long day. I left work at a relatively normal time, made it home to prepare a good lunch--and just before finishing the meal, the thunderstorm warning was released for our county--it was back to work for me! The storms never affected our immediate area, but did affect our listening area. And they were slow moving, almost stationary--and those, for me, means longer time at the studio waiting for them to run their course.

Speaking of running their course. Let's talk feelings. See how I tied that together? I've been thinking about emotions, acting instead of reacting--and discussing these critically important things with people in support communications. One thing I must always remember is what Life Coach Gerri taught me a very long time ago: "Feelings have a beginning and an end." They pass. In other words, everything doesn't need to be taken to the extreme, but if you're like me, often--feelings are either all or nothing--it's a catastrophe or not a big deal at all...there's rarely middle ground. And it's better now. But that tendency to take circumstances, wrap 'em in feelings--then take 'em all the way to eleven, is still there. Learning how to manage those--and feel those feelings in a positive/constructive way, is an ongoing practice. It's an important practice, because...

The emotions still come. And those feelings are normal to experience. The issue with me was/is how my brain is wired to react with avoidance and automatically goes to "more food" as a diversion or reprieve, if you will, from the emotions at hand. I did that so long, that I eventually realized, my emotional development was actually stunted. Stunted because the dependency on food to "take me away" or "calm," did take me away from learning how to process emotions in healthier ways.

No emotion was left untouched, the solution was always the same. All of them- happy, sad, angry, confused, disappointed- you name it, my automatic response was more food "will make this better." And on the surface, it did take me away- and that created an illusion of "things are better." But the illusion, as you know, quickly fades, and the triggering circumstance and resulting emotions still exist--just laying in wait until next time. So- what I've had to do is pause... 

Pause. Just enough to act instead of react. It's one of the hardest things to do. The old pattern is hard wired and for me, is supported and complicated by the powerful responses from the addictive center of my brain- So, breaking that pattern has required strong support and intentional effort. It's never perfect--it's simply a practice.

It's about shifting the perspective to: How can I act instead of react? This, in my opinion, is paramount for our continued positive progress. My hard wired reactions kept me at 500 pounds for nearly two decades.

With this practice comes new opportunities for me to learn how to feel and process emotions in a way that, maybe not always perfect or completely centered, but certainly improved from the patterns of the past.

 I'm sleeping in tomorrow morning--I'm so excited!

Today's Accountability Tweets:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, July 6, 2017

July 6th, 2017 Purest Joy

July 6th, 2017 Purest Joy

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with support.

My grandson Noah turned four years old today and we had a wonderful birthday party. He was super excited the entire time. Watching him exhibit the purest joy ever is an absolute gift to witness.









It's back to work tomorrow. I'm dropping in bed!

Today's Accountability Tweets:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, July 5, 2017

July 5th, 2017 Day Off

July 5th, 2017 Day Off

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with great support.

I took a day off. I rested, rested some more--and traveled to Wichita for a short set at the Loony Bin Comedy Club.

I planned on eating dinner at the comedy club--but the menu wasn't something I could make work within my food plan--other than some chips and salsa. Many jar salsas contain refined sugar--so I had to ask, and to my surprise, their salsa is freshly prepared from scratch--without sugar. I was asking the guy who makes it! I was impressed.

After scanning the menu and not really finding anything--I made the call to wait until after the show. I found a Denny's. I navigated the menu--ordering exactly what I wanted, each item separately, and they were happy to do it for me. (see dinner tweets below).

I was extremely tired on the way home. Even coffee wasn't enough to keep me alert. Just after crossing back into Oklahoma, I pulled over and slept a little while. It was the safest thing to do.

My friend Dave, his wife and daughter came to the show, and Dave performed his set right after I did mine. It was a wonderful day off. Another one tomorrow! Hitting the pillow now!




















Today's Accountability Tweets:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, July 4, 2017

July 4th, 2017 Rhythm

July 4th, 2017 Rhythm

I'm going to get this posted before I collapse. I didn't get home from tonight's event and post work back at the studio until 1:30am. Part of that time was spent waiting for a taxi to transport me back to the lake to pick up the station vehicle. I'm exhausted now!

Good thing I made tomorrow a vacation day. I think I'll be adding another just for good measure. I need some down time!

I picked up mom so she could join me at my broadcast from the big fireworks event tonight at the lake. We had a great time, a good visit, and the fireworks were wonderful! Amber joined us for a couple hours, too!

I hope you had a fantastic 4th of July, or if you're outside the United States, I hope you had a fantastic Tuesday!

I'm doing something tomorrow night I haven't done in years. I'm doing an open mic at The Looney Bin Comedy Club in Wichita. It's a short 5-minute set. I'm meeting a comedian buddy of mine and we're doing it! It'll be fun. If I'm making tomorrow a "vacation" day, and I am--then I need to travel and do something! It's only an hour away--and it is something, so I'm good.

Food rhythm was off today simply because I slept in so well this morning. And that, combined with the all-evening broadcast from the lake--and eating things we picked up at the store--it felt tilted. But it worked.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water, had some good family time, and stayed well-connected with solid support.

I'm dropping in bed.

Today's Accountability Tweets:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, July 3, 2017

July 3rd, 2017 Different Plans

July 3rd, 2017 Different Plans

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with good support.

Today didn't go as planned. Mother Nature had different plans for me this evening. On-air weather coverage kept me super busy until really late. If you scroll to the Tweets, you'll see the time stamps on dinner tweets. Anyway-- I didn't hit my goal of releasing a new episode of Transformation Planet tonight. But, couldn't be helped tonight.

I get to sleep in tomorrow. And believe me, I'm looking forward to this rest--very much.

I do an annual broadcast from the big fireworks display at the lake every 4th of July. I'll be taking mom along. We're planning on making a store trip to grab a few things for our "picnic." It'll be a good visit.

Today's Accountability Tweets:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, July 2, 2017

July 2nd, 2017 I Think It's That

July 2nd, 2017 I Think It's That

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with good support.

Today was all about family. I picked up Noah and mom and we made our way to Stillwater to meet up with family for a multi-birthday get-together. The visiting was wonderful!

It was a buffet style restaurant. I've had several buffet trips over the last nearly nine years--and after a buffet visit a year and a half ago, I shared the perspective that helps keep me well.

From December 2015:
I don't cradle the same perspective I once embraced with buffets. I don't like them, really. But I don't fear them. My buffet perspective has evolved over the years. Once upon a time, it was a free for all--How much can I eat? How many entrees can I fit into one meal? Then, when I started losing weight consistently, it changed to a white knuckled perspective/approach--very careful, feeling like I was navigating a culinary minefield and resisting the urge to go too far in any one direction. Today, it's a calm approach. The extra choices ensure I can assemble a great plate within the boundaries of my plan. If it's more challenging it's because there are so many choices and that takes a little extra time to navigate. Instead of pictures on a menu, it's all prepared--it's like the menu comes to life, all hot and (hopefully) fresh, right in front of your eyes and under your nose. I'd much prefer ordering an entree. Most of these type places do not offer that option. And now, to be honest, I much prefer planning, preparing and cooking at home. I like my creations better than most restaurant meals I've ordered. Maybe I'm just not eating at the right restaurants. Or maybe I simply prefer the extra attention, care, certainty, and accomplishment of a well-prepared plate. Yeah, I think it's that.

I'm off tomorrow! I get to sleep in. I'm looking forward to this big time. My goal by this time tomorrow night is to have episode 16 of Transformation Planet released!

Today's Accountability Tweets:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, July 1, 2017

July 1st, 2017 Makes Me Smile

July 1st, 2017 Makes Me Smile

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with good support.

I was very active today with two location broadcasts. A big ice cream truck was following me around today. Seriously, at both broadcasts at different clients, the Buzzy Bee Treats bus was right there. I was fine--totally fine...it was humorous to me...being followed by an ice cream truck most of the day...and I didn't lose my mind!! That's the thing about it that makes me smile.

I'm looking forward to some time off. I'm picking up my oldest grandson and mom tomorrow for a trip back to our hometown. Everyone agreed on a buffet place for late lunch tomorrow afternoon. I didn't have a vote. I'm optimistic about making wise choices within the boundaries of my plan in that environment.

I'm getting some really good sleep tonight--oh my, yes, indeed.

Today's Accountability Tweets:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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