Thursday, July 10, 2014

July 10th, 2014 Go At Your Own Pace

July 10th, 2014 Go At Your Own Pace

I made it through the day without snacking in between meals. Not that, good/well planned snacks are a bad thing, they're not. I've bulked up my meals the past few days since I fell short the other day by more than 300 calories. I'm not a nutrition expert, not even close, but I've listened to enough of them to know I must feed my metabolism! Some say I should eat more than 1700 calories a day and I don't necessarily dispute their assessment, but I'll know when and if I'm ready to bump it up a little. For me, it'll come when I feel like I've raised the bar in the exercise department.

I mentioned yesterday about adding spinning classes to my exercise plan. I did many of these before, but not before hitting somewhere in the 280's, if I remember right. I recently had a conversation with one of the spin instructors at my local YMCA and he asked, "When will I see you back in my class?" I smiled and said "I've got some more weight to lose before I climb onto that seat again." To which he replied, "You can just do what you can in there at your own pace." And this was a light bulb moment for me. He's right. The seat might hurt for a few classes, sure, but my backside will strengthen up quickly and it'll not be an issue, just like it wasn't before. And why do I feel the need to stay on pace with the rest of the regulars in there?? This isn't a competition, after all. Besides, they're regulars! I was also a regular at one point, and what advice did I give to a friend trying it for the first time? "Hey, don't worry--just go at your own pace." It's high time I take the instructor's and my own advice and apply it to me. I'm really looking forward to the incredible workout I know it will provide.

I caught my reflection in a window today and it almost made me emotional in a good way. My reflection was noticeably smaller. Avoiding mirrors, reflections and pictures was a big part of the mental/emotional dynamics of the regain. As if not seeing it made it less than it was. If a family member took a picture of me at my heaviest regain point, I would go out of my way to ignore it--of course, not before reminding them to NOT post them on social media. Why? Embarrassment over the regain, of course! But I'm over that now and it feels incredibly liberating. I still request privacy and control over what pictures others share of me, but it's for different reasons. Since the epiphanies of May 15th, I'm no longer ashamed for being me. And that's bigger than any regain. I've discovered the ability to feel good about myself regardless of the reflection in the window. Still, it felt good to see a smaller me staring back today. Mainly, because it's confirmation that what I'm doing is working well. In the darkness of relapse and regain, the hopeless emotions become very deceiving, convincing us that perhaps returning to a healthy weight isn't possible; isn't an option. But it is possible and it isn't hopeless. It can certainly feel that way, but I'm living proof it isn't.

My food was really good today. Breakfast and lunch was fairly routine and I had planned to cook a nice dinner at home before a friend called asking if I could be a designated driver tonight. I drove and while he did what he was doing, I made my way to the Y for my workout, then I dined on his dime at a very nice restaurant. I'm super picky while eating out these days and for good reason. I found a nice sirloin, some asparagus and sweet potato fries. The server offered to bring bread and I replied: "Please don't, but thank you!" I also ordered the steak to be cooked without any added fat (usually butter), just a dry grill with dry seasonings. It was wonderful. The asparagus was obviously cooked with olive oil and much more than the small spray of olive oil I usually use at home. Instead of 25-35 calories worth of asparagus, it checked in at 112 calories. I will admit, it was the best asparagus I've tasted in a very long time. The sweet potato fries were fried instead of baked like I do at home, so I paired down the serving size until I was confident the 160 cal count I assigned was fairly close. It was a great meal and I feel good about my choices. "Would you like dessert tonight?" she offered. I didn't speak, I just smiled politely and lightly shook my head to indicate a pass. I'm finding incredible strength and pleasure in this new found resolve and control. It's a special kind of place where the feeling of accomplishment is desired more than the temporary high of whatever is on the dessert tray.

Today's meal tweets and a couple extra solely for the sake of amusement:








Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

July 9th, 2014 It Felt Doable For The First Time

July 9th, 2014 It Felt Doable For The First Time

Today was a good, solid, feel good kind of day. I ate well, I exercised and I accomplished a lot at work. I napped beautifully, good sleep napping. If you go back to January and read this post, you'll get an idea of what a dramatic difference horrible sleep vs. quality sleep makes. I read that old post and I see how positive I was trying to be and how, even in the face of extreme exhaustion I was desperately trying to regain control instead of weight. Of course, we know what happened. At the time that post was written, I still had 3.5 months of struggle ahead of me, peppered with periods of good, but mostly deep, dark struggle. Even though my time management skills needs a major overhaul and I often don't get enough sleep, now, when I do--it's quality and I feel as rested as anyone can possibly hope to be with an equal amount.

Now, looking back, I clearly see where this "confrontation" with the sleep issue was really the beginning of my comeback, if you will. Had I continued ignoring it and fighting each day to stay awake and maintain some kind of balance, by now I would have been well on my way back to over 500 pounds, instead of where I am today--headed toward my healthiest weight. I encourage you, if you're suffering with untreated sleep apnea, do whatever you must do to get some kind of treatment and therapy. It's robbing you of life. And life is too short. 

I've decided to share my meal tweets each night in this blog. I made this decision after receiving a message from a long time supporter in Tennessee. After listening to my radio show with mom the other morning via the online link, she writes: "To put a voice with the pictures and words made your story and journey so much more real, and the same is true with the photos of what you eat as opposed to a written down food plan. It was seeing the food in a picture that made me know I could do this. It felt doable for the first time."

 I was keeping the food pictures exclusive to Twitter because I didn't want to over do-it, you know? I understand not everyone is into Twitter. Although I have no control of how my food pictures are received-nor should I care regardless, I still don't want my food choices to be misconstrued as some kind of example of what you should eat. I never tell anyone what they should eat or not eat. My twitter feed of every bite, every calorie is simply an accountability tool I felt I needed, as a modification to what I did before. I eat what I like and nothing I don't. That simple statement was a big part of my initial weight loss blogging and is prominently featured in my book, Transformation Road. What is right and good for me, may not be anything you like.

We all must find what works for us. I believe we shouldn't ever force ourselves to choke down things we can't stand for the sole purpose of losing weight. How can we develop eating habits and behaviors to last a lifetime if we hate what we're eating along the way? When that very dear supporter said "It was seeing the food in picture that made me know I could do this. It felt doable for the first time," it touched me and gave me a slight shift in perspective. As long as you know, the food I eat is customized to my likes/dislikes and personal restrictions (nearly 100% abstinence from sugar) and it's not a suggestion or "food plan" for anyone but me, then I'll feel better about also sharing the tweets here each night. Of course, if you like the same things I like--I highly recommend all of it!! I love what I'm eating!





As you can tell from my recent food tweets, avocados have been on sale lately for 50 cents each.

My mom turned 69 today! I've already wished her a happy birthday four times today, but I'll do it again here because I know she reads everything I write: Happy Birthday Mom!! I'll be celebrating her birthday with a visit to Stillwater this coming Sunday.

My workout tonight was inspired and productive. I recently raised the resistance on the elliptical a notch, thinking it wouldn't make a big difference...I was wrong, it makes a big difference. I plan on adding spinning classes to my workout schedule next week along with some resistance weight training in my "spare bedroom gym." 

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

July 8th, 2014 Change of Instinctual Reaction

July 8th, 2014 Change of Instinctual Reaction

My defenses against self-sabotaging behaviors in the face of stress have really been tested the past few days. As open and willing to share as I have been in the past, I've learned valuable lessons in keeping some things private. I don't have anonymity here. If I did, perhaps my sharing policies might be slightly different. The dynamics that make up my personal situation include a very public/high profile job, where many of my listeners and people I come in contact with daily, read this blog, or at least are aware of the blog. I've often referred to spilling deeply personal information to anyone who will listen as being an "inappropriate talker," and I've certainly done my share of over-sharing in the past. I've learned (often the hard way) some things are best kept in a therapist's office, or with a pastor or mentor. With that in mind, I also try to share enough information, tempered with good judgement, in order to convey the emotional and mental dynamics of this here road most of us travel.  In other words, please don't ever think that I'm all sunshine and roses. I'm doing very well and have for nearly three months straight, still it's had its share of stressful and emotional ups and downs. The past few days, exceptionally so. But isn't that life?

I'm fortunate that, the only negative affects I allowed were largely ineffective in creating any major issues. I didn't want to work out last night, just because (and I did anyway and felt great after), and I was more than three hundred calories short on my budget yesterday, which means I wasn't in the mood to eat. Who me?? Not in the mood to eat? This occurrence leaves me wondering if I've been body snatched by aliens and replaced with a programmed being that wasn't fully briefed on the subtleties of Sean. High levels of stress usually equals EAT! I'm pleasantly surprised and profoundly grateful for this change of instinctual reaction.

I was cutting fruit this morning when I got a little too hurried for my own good, slicing the breakfast cantaloupe and my finger simultaneously. As I get more accustomed to Twitter culture, I'm tempted to write in hashtags, #ouch! It was #painful and #messy. The tip of my right hand middle finger started cursing and bleeding badly. Okay, perhaps I was the one cursing. My hand may have been signing curse words, though, I'm not sure. I managed to keep the blood off the food and on my counter, broke out my hardly ever used first aid kit and doctored my injury before heading off to work.

I intentionally bumped up the calories of each meal today in an effort to avoid falling short late. The following tweets cover breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner.







I'm still struggling with drinking enough water and time management but I can clearly see how and where I can improve on these elements as I move forward in the most positive ways.

I had a wonderful group coaching session tonight with Life Coach Gerri and a fantastic group of participants. Tonight was our last of this six week session. Our next six week session is open for registrations! I'll post more information on how you can register and join us, tomorrow night.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, July 7, 2014

July 7th, 2014 Glad I Made That Decision

July 7th, 2014 Glad I Made That Decision

I had a wonderful morning with mom on my show today. She was delightful. I enjoyed preparing her a nice breakfast, identical to mine--and just sharing the meal and coffee together with casual conversation, cherished moments, you know? One of the coolest stories came at the very end of the show. I mentioned Garth Brooks has scheduled a press conference for Thursday at 11am central on his website GarthBrooks.com. So we started talking about Garth's early days around my hometown. Garth attended college in Stillwater and at one point during his college days, he played his guitar anywhere anyone would listen. One particular occasion was the annual Noon Lions Club fireworks display on July 4th at what was known as Lewis Stadium (Now Boone Pickens Stadium). Garth was the entertainment for the crowd of a few thousand. It was just him and his guitar. He played while everyone waited for it to be dark enough for the fireworks to begin. His performance was basically background music, a mild warm up to the spectacular fireworks everyone was anticipating. While he played, mom turned to me and my Aunt Kelli and said, "That kid is going to make it someday." Wow, was she right or what?? If you go to a Garth Brooks concert today, you'll still see plenty of fireworks because it's a part of his show, but it's not the main attraction anymore.

We stopped to see Noah for a few minutes before we hit the road back to Stillwater. That little guy lights up our world. It was a nice drive back, an opportunity for more conversation and reflection of a wonderful, albeit short visit.

I hurried back home in order to get into the Y for a good elliptical workout, then home to prepare dinner. Sometimes I'm a little too efficient with my calorie counting. My late dinner was a lot of food for a low 414 calories. I knew how late it was and I was certain it would be my #lastfoodofday, yet upon entering the specifics into MyFitnessPal, I realized I had fallen 339 calories short for the day. I wasn't hungry throughout the day. We (Mom and me) enjoyed a big 268 calorie afternoon snack and still, I fell short. Okay--nice "problem" to have, I suppose. This is correctable with some closer attention to calorie management earlier in the day. I realize it is something I can't allow to become habit because the body needs fuel. As I start various additions to my exercise routine (spinning classes-resistance strength training), I plan on adding some calories to the budget. Not being afraid to make bigger calorie management decisions earlier in the day will become very important.

I'll tell you, I honestly didn't feel like working out tonight. I was tired, irritable and feeling kind of off. If I hadn't taken an "off" day yesterday it would have been an easy decision to make today the "off" day. Instead, I sat in my car looking at the YMCA building and coming up with various justifications as to how not working out for the second day in a row would be okay. Finally, I called myself out and made my way in and onto the elliptical. As soon as the music started playing, I was in a better place. I finished the workout and felt even better having overcome the initial mental resistance. I'm glad I made that decision.

I also made a decision to go to bed before finishing this post. I was just too tired to finish before bed. This is definitely not a habit I will allow very often. But occasionally it is the correct option and sleep wins.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, July 6, 2014

July 6th, 2014 This Is Part Of The Deal

July 6th, 2014 This Is Part Of The Deal

This has been a wonderfully long day! I started the day with a small portion of yellow watermelon instead of a big breakfast, my usual weekend brunch type meal. I did this because I knew I would be picking mom up and we'd be dining out for lunch at our favorite Stillwater Mexican place. I do my best to have some variety when I'm preparing meals at home, but when I'm eating out in a restaurant I don't like variety, I prefer certainty.

I know the single order of chicken fajitas at Mexico Joe's in my hometown is a precisely measured 4 ounces of chicken on a bed of grilled onions and peppers. I know that if I order corn tortillas instead of the flour it normally comes with, I'll save considerable calories. I know for certain, I can get in and out of there within my calorie budget, no worries. I shared the order with mom and we each were satisfied. We talked about how different things could be there--and how easy it would be to consume a couple thousand calories like we had so many times before. Then, we talked about our approach now and how satisfied we were-- full, but not stuffed--satisfied and confident, content and certain in our resolve and commitment in taking better care.

On the way into the restaurant I met the organizer of my 25th high school reunion in the parking lot. I paid my dues to join the festivities later this month. Deciding to attend this reunion is a big deal for me. I don't have time right now to explain why it's a big deal to me, but I will soon, right here in these pages.

Mom and I made our way back to Ponca City in just enough time to make it into the store for Noah's birthday party supplies, to the studio to give some family members a tour of the downtown studios where I work and then to my grandson's 1st birthday party.

I bought five quarts of ice cream today.  So if you're local to me and you witnessed me grabbing the giant container from the freezer section--and you thought, oh no--he's jumping off the wagon!! Nope! I was responsible for a certain portion of the party supply list and ice cream just happened to be one of the items.

The party was a fantastic event. Noah was overwhelmed with so much love and attention. He really got into ripping open his seemingly endless stream of gifts (even if he was more fascinated with the paper and packaging then the actual presents--hey, he's 1!!). The "smash cake" was a fun 10 minutes. He tore through that little chocolate cake like a man on a mission to destroy! He consumed very little cake. He was too busy annihilating it into a giant mess. It was cute.

I helped pass out the cake and ice cream. I felt like a recovering alcoholic volunteering to be the bartender. I was distributing a substance that's basically my kryptonite.  Accepting and embracing this truth about me has given me a wonderful clarity and freedom. It wasn't will power that kept me from eating the cake and ice cream, because I didn't want it. It was knowing that one bite, let alone a plate full, would certainly send me spiraling. Like a recovering alcoholic avoids vodka, so it goes with me and sugar.

I'm not willing to trade this wonderful feeling I have these days for 5 minutes with cake and ice cream. It's not that I can't. Because I could easily make that transaction, just like I have hundreds of times in my past. It's that I won't, period. It feels good. It's not a case of deprivation or feeling left out--not at all...it's a matter of taking extraordinary care, and understanding, for me--this is part of the deal. Everyone at the party understood where I am at this point in my life and not one of them said a word to the contrary. It was a wonderful experience.

Mom and I hurried back to my place after the party for a good dinner. I made some lean beef tacos, homemade guacamole and rice chips. It was delicious and exceptionally satisfying.

Mom is going to work with me in the morning. If you're interested in listening to "The Sean and Mom In The Morning" Show, simply click this link anytime between 6am and 9am Central: http://player.authorizedstream.com/?pid=593 I can't wait to have mom in studio again! It'll be fun!    

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, July 5, 2014

July 5th, 2014 Now Easier To Read: The Blog Redesign

July 5th, 2014 Now Easier To Read: The Blog Redesign

It's been a couple of weeks or more since "anonymous" left a comment saying she had a hard time getting past the "ugly layout" of my blog. Honestly, I didn't care. I've never worried about having a "good looking" blog. My perspective has always centered squarely on content. If I were a little more computer savvy, I probably would have done something to change it along the way, but I'm not and it didn't seem to matter. The content was important to me, not the aesthetics. It's what's on the inside that really counts.

Then I starting reading several very friendly comments saying similar things, "I enjoy your blog but it is sometimes hard to read." This got my attention! Perhaps a redesign was in order, not because "anonymous" called the blog ugly, but because it needed to be easier on the eyes.  I have great respect and admiration for fellow blogger Loretta. When Loretta offered to do a redesign, I jumped at the opportunity. She's a very talented artist too! Her idea for the redesign wasn't just a whim, she put some careful thought into what you're seeing now. Every element, from colors to design, has a carefully thought out reason for being. If you haven't visited Loretta (Or as the blogging community calls her, Retta), I highly recommend her honest and real account of her journey. Visit her blog at www.lorettasjourney.blogspot.com/ Retta has been a wonderful supporter of my blog and journey for several years and this gift she's given me is greatly appreciated!

Part of this process involved backing up everything. When Loretta suggested doing it before the application of the redesign, she mentioned how sick she would be if any or all of the blog was lost. The mere mention of it sent chills down my spine. This blog means the world to me. I love it dearly, because it is me. Inside the archives is my life story, including the stories, in part--of the people I love in my life. I didn't realize how much this blog meant to me until I opened it up to see this redesign today.

I immediately became emotional. It was perfect and I was so proud. Suddenly I realized how emotionally attached I am to these writings. All of the positive effects this blog has had on me came flooding into my mind as I strolled around, checking out the new design as tears rolled down my face. If one of the ultimate goals of an artist is to summon emotion from the viewer, Loretta my friend, you did, beautifully. Thank you.

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I prepared some wonderful food today, had a great workout at the Y and spent some time tonight as a designated driver for a friend. It was a wonderful day. Tomorrow is poised to be even better. My grandson Noah turns 1 year old tomorrow and we're planning on a big party to celebrate. I'll be traveling to Stillwater to pick up mom and bring her back for this wonderful occasion. I'm bringing a few things to help out with the party supplies including: The ice cream. How wonderfully ironic! I'm not worried. I have my plan in place and I'll write about how I handled the party foods tomorrow night. I'm not sacrificing my abstinence from sugar for cake and ice cream, believe me. My focus will not be the party foods. My focus will be on family and for the most part, squarely on my little grandson. 

Becky asked a good question in the comments section of yesterday's post: "Do you have any thoughts about saving money on one's food budget? I notice that when you post a picture while grocery shopping, you typically have only a few items in your cart-- probably few enough that you can go through the express lane at checkout. And yet, your meals are always so delicious-lookiing, and varied. Do you tend to buy the same types of things, and if so, is it working well for you, tastewise and wallet-wise?"

Great question Becky! I prefer smaller, more frequent trips because if I buy too much at one time, I'm worried some of it might go to waste. This approach has likely saved me money along the way. I might be spending less on groceries than I once did on fast food and restaurant meals. I still eat out occasionally, but 90% of my meals come from cooking. This hasn't been easy. Before I started taking better care, I would regularly go three or four days without using my kitchen--except for breakfast, I've been in the breakfast cooking habit for a while. Seriously, there for a while almost every lunch and dinner was in a restaurant. In comparison, I'm saving money. When I was in full-on binge mode, it was nothing to hand over $20 to $30 dollars in a day through a drive through window.

I'm fortunate in that I'm buying for one. I spend approximately 40-70 dollars per week. I buy stuff on sale all the time too. I recently went through a sirloin steak phase (notice I haven't in several days) made affordable by a special meat sale I found at a small grocery store 20 minutes north of town. I buy most of my produce at our local Aldi store. They often have pineapples for 1.19 each and avocados for 49 cents. The one thing I splurge on is Tilapia loins from Schwan's home delivery service. I don't usually buy anything else from them because of the cost. I make an exception for the Tilapia because it's the best I've found and I've looked everywhere.

As far as the variety, I don't know. I try to get creative in my meal planning within the bounds of what I have. You can always count on cheese, Jospeh's Pitas, eggs, avocados and loads of fruit. The fruit has gotten expensive for me--but again, I look at Aldi first.  Measuring everything has helped too. I'm saving a bunch of food from the trash by only measuring what I'll be cooking at any one time. I think a key to this, for me, is making smaller, more frequent grocery shopping trips and making sure I use what I buy. Taste wise--oh my, yes!! I'm slowing down and taking great joy in the process of planning and preparing, then enjoying my food.

I hope I answered your questions, Becky!

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, July 4, 2014

July 4th, 2014 Independence Day and The Brotherhood of The Traveling Pants

July 4th, 2014 Independence Day and The Brotherhood of The Traveling Pants

Sleeping in has been a wonderful thing the past couple of days. It feels awesome to sleep "until I'm done," but it also has some drawbacks. It tilts my day, pushes everything back and I'm fairly good at adjusting as needed, but at a certain point I'd like to apply a little more focus on maintaining a better schedule. I'm okay right now. I say that in a self-compassionate kind of way because I'm doing quite a bit lately to change for the better and it's okay if I don't correct everything all at once. You know what I mean?

Letting go of the pursuit of perfection, instead aiming for consistency--has been a fantastic perspective to embrace. Did you know I've gone over my calorie budget a couple times recently? Granted, it hasn't been by much--but there was a point in my initial weight loss where I would have been wrought with self-loathing and personal disappointment. And for what? Because I "broke the bank" by a handful of calories? Allowing myself to be okay today and more than okay--to still feel fabulous about myself while being perfectly imperfect is a wonderful thing.

I couldn't be more thrilled with how things are going these days. The weigh day Wednesday was amazing for me. 51 pounds in 10 weeks is exceptional. I know this average cannot sustain itself indefinitely and I'm okay with this truth. I actually found myself looking at a calendar, projecting an average loss of 3 pounds per week (which shouldn't be expected) and was slightly disappointed to discover that even at that unrealistic loss rate, it'll take me approximately 9 more months to get back to what I considered a healthy weight once upon a time. April 2015! I was so focused; zeroed in on this 9 months thing--and that's assuming I remain consistent--and it's not even taking into account the very real dynamic of plateaus...Then I had to STOP. Was I forgetting some valuable epiphanies I discovered along the way during my initial weight loss?? I wrote this on Day 189:

"Time doesn't really care what we do. Time keeps moving right along like clockwork, uh, it is clockwork. No matter what we do in the next twelve months, good or bad, it's still going to be March 22, 2010 in one year. Time is a constant, that's a pretty simple statement. But it's one I really had to wrap myself around. I had to dig deep to battle my impatient personality. I finally realized that I really needed to forget about time. Time doesn't need me to worry about it, it'll keep moving right along without any help or hindrance. Instead of focusing on how much time it's going to take, I had to focus on what I needed to do each day to succeed. And then when I do take the time to notice the time, I'm happy with the progress I've made and continue to make. It's day 189 by golly, 189! I've lost over 131 pounds! That's almost three quarters of a pound a day! You can tell that I don't really pay much attention to time because on March 15th's blog I didn't mention the fact that it was exactly the sixth month mark of this journey. It totally escaped me. Will it take a year total to reach my goal? Maybe it takes another year from now? Who cares! I'll be there when I get there, then I'll look at the clock and marvel at how far I've come in such a relatively short time. I didn't grow to over 500 pounds in a year or a year and a half, but I can get to my ideal weight in that time? I guess time really is on my side huh? We've all been in a situation where we were watching the seconds tick by on a clock conveniently positioned near our face. Maybe you were in class, or in a doctors office, or at work. When you constantly focus on the clock it can feel like forever! That's why I don't. Time will do it's thing, and I'll do mine, we'll meet up later in a triumphant celebration of accomplishment."

  Okay, I'm better now. The thing I must remember is, the time required to get myself back to a healthy weight isn't a deal breaker here. It seriously doesn't apply. What I'm doing in taking better care of me is something I will do for the rest of my life, however much time that is.  I mean, really...what can I do? To be discouraged about the length of time needed to do something like many of us are doing here, suggests a misaligned perspective. What I'm doing isn't a means to an end, it's a means to a better life, forever. I've written extensively about having a "confident patience" along the way. A confident patience is all about doing the best we can today and letting our focus stay on today...and understanding that time and our consistency will eventually meet up with the goals we've established.

I bought a new pair of jeans a few weeks ago. At my highest "regain weight" (394) I was uncomfortably squeezing into size 50's. This new pair is size 46. I was slightly disappointed three weeks ago when I got them home and they didn't fit. I laid them aside and reminded myself it was simply a matter of time and they would fit. And today they did, comfortably.

It felt amazing to button and zip these jeans today. It was an NSV (non-scale victory) and it came at the perfect time.

It was Independence Day here in America. It's a day when we celebrate our nation's birthday and we give thanks for the freedoms we enjoy. The broadcasting company I work for is the official station for the choreographed fireworks music at the big Ponca City Oklahoma display. We set up hours before, broadcasting all evening leading up to the actual fireworks. My plan was to get my exercise in tonight by walking around the lake. I did this and did it without needing to constantly pull up the bigger jeans. This new pair was a wonderful confidence booster.

A couple of months ago, you might remember, I made a special trip to Wichita to buy some clothes. I hated to spend money on clothes I wouldn't be able to wear very long--but it was absolutely necessary. I couldn't squeeze into the size 50's any longer. I bought a brand new pair of Levi's relaxed fit, size 52's. They've been worn all of two times.  If you want them, and you can wear these--I'll send them to you. Simply send an email to transformation.road@gmail.com with your mailing address. I'll ship them right away.  First request gets them, so don't hesitate! You do not need to compensate me for shipping. I'm paying it forward. A fellow blogger once shipped me a giant box full of his old jeans. We'll call this "The Brotherhood of The Traveling Pants." 

I planned well tonight, packing a "sack dinner" for my broadcast. I declined three offers for free food at the broadcast, two of which came from the same group of wonderful listeners who were set up not far from our broadcast vehicle. "Hey, we've got plenty of food over there: Hamburgers, bratwurst--more than we can eat, help yourself!" Learning how to politely decline is critical for someone like me. I've always been someone who often accommodates even at his own expense. Will they be upset with me if I say no thank you? Will they think I'm being stuck up if I don't accept their invitation? It's all baloney!! My response: "I sincerely appreciate the offer, but I have all I'll need tonight. Thank you though!" Easy. No further explanation needed. It doesn't matter what they walked away thinking because it wouldn't be a reflection of me, only of them--if they indeed took my decline personally. I was direct and polite. That's good enough for me.

Working with the City of Ponca City, the pyrotechnics crew and a producer back in the studio, this year's choreographed display went off without a hitch. I was so relieved! My daughter Amber and her boyfriend joined me for the display. Courtney thought about coming and bringing my adorable grandson Noah, but stayed home in fear the loudness might frighten the little man. Considering his grandpa (me) cried at large fireworks displays until he was almost four years old, it was probably a well measured decision. :)

It's exceptionally late. I spent some time visiting with Amber after the event, exchanged some weight loss support text messages, enjoyed my #lastfoodofday (apple and Laughing Cow Light Creamy Swiss) and surfed the net for a little while before writing tonight's edition. Tomorrow is another day where I can sleep in as late as I desire. When 4:30am Monday rolls around, I need to be ready to take my schedule off of "tilt!" I may need to consider this a little more carefully tomorrow night.

If you're interested in following my Twitter account, simply visit www.twitter.com/seanaanderson It's basically me Live-Tweeting my food and exercise each day, complete with photos of everything I eat, including calorie counts. It's simply an accountability tool for me. It's not meant to be an example or suggestion. It simply is what it is--and what it's been to me is fun!

Thank you for reading and for your incredible support,
Strength,
Sean  
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Thursday, July 3, 2014

July 3rd, 2014 The Hunger Dynamic

July 3rd, 2014 The Hunger Dynamic

I enjoyed the morning off today. I slept late, had a good breakfast, got a haircut and went into work despite the day off and worked for a few hours. I had stuff I needed to get done. Strangely, I wasn't hungry for a midday snack. In fact, as a little experiment, I waited to eat until I was. I finally had a super late lunch at 6pm. My breakfast wasn't  any thing big or unusual. Two eggs, one egg white topped with swiss, inside a Joseph's pita, an apple and a peach. It held me all day.

I bought a french fry cutter today. I received a discount on a heavy duty stainless steel model. I couldn't wait to try it out on my sweet potatoes. I tried and tried and I couldn't get it to cut the solid sweet potato. This is the only reason I bought it--specifically for sweet potato fries! I ended up cutting them by hand, baking up a batch for my late lunch.

My evening was fantastic! I made it to the Y for a great elliptical workout followed by a very nice visit with my grandson Noah. He started walking yesterday! I couldn't wait to see him walk in person. It's just about the cutest thing I think I've ever witnessed!

Noah turns one year old on Sunday. We're having a big party at Irene's house with a bunch of family coming. I'll be driving to Stillwater to pick up mom and bring her back for the party. She'll stay with me Sunday night and Monday it'll be "take mom to work" day. The "Sean In The Morning Show" will become "The Sean and Mom in the morning show." That is, if I can get her to relax and visit with me on-air. She gets shy sometimes. She has a wonderful "radio voice." Her voice sounds incredibly young. If you want to listen in LIVE, I'll post the link in Sunday night's blog.

Continuing my little, only eat when I'm hungry experiment--yeah...midnight...I had a midnight dinner. That's crazy!! I kept it super simple too. I had a few bean and cheese crispy tacos topped with light sour cream. I'll be honest with you, I almost opted for a few fast food tacos. It would have been my first fast food in over 70 days. When I thought about it a little more, I decided I didn't want to break the streak...but I also didn't feel like cooking. Driving by Taco Bell and seeing the drive through ten cars deep was enough to push me in the direction I was leaning anyway. I decided to cook--but as described above--very simple, fast, tasty and calorie dense to get close to my budget's end. I still left over 100 calories on the table.

The experiment was interesting. I'm not sure what to think about it, really. If I only eat when I'm hungry, I may not eat enough on a regular day--when I have to get up early the next. For the 2nd consecutive day, I get to sleep as late as I desire tomorrow morning. This means the calorie management issue might be like it was today.

Do you stick to eating on a relatively set schedule or do you wait until you're legitimately hungry?

If you've experienced this "I'm just not hungry" issue, please leave your answer and opinion in the comments. I'd love to read how you handle this lack of physical hunger dynamic.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, July 2, 2014

July 2nd, 2014 Weigh Day Edition

July 2nd, 2014 Weigh Day Edition

I don't own a scale. I don't want to own a scale. Weigh day requires a special trip to the same scale each time at my doctors office. I know me and if I had a scale right here in my apartment, I'd likely be drawn to it. I decided a long time ago to not play the emotional game of weighing too often. Again, this is specific to me and my personality. I know that if I woke up to 3 pound water weight gain, I would obsess and analyze it to no end, wondering if it was water weight or if I was doing something wrong. Some people can handle it in stride and keep a level head about it. I possibly could, maybe--but I'd rather not expend the energy toward such a self-imposed mental hurdle. We have enough mental/emotional hurdles along this road without adding extra. For these reasons, I weigh every three weeks and no matter how good I'm feeling, or how curious, I will not jump on at the YMCA for a sneak peak. I treat weigh-in day a little differently than the others. Since I'm not able to weigh first thing when I get up, I fast for a few hours until I make it to the doctors office. I don't know if an omelet and some fruit would really make that big of a difference but it's a level of weigh day neurosis I don't mind allowing.

My weight three weeks ago was 353. This morning I stepped on and found:
photo 5BC6DAD4-B3B9-4EF1-A128-14D2AF61D754_zpssowjaz0n.jpg
Another 10 pounds brings my total weight loss for the last ten weeks to 51 pounds (23.1 Kg or 3.64 Stone).

I sent "book-end" text messages to a support buddy, one before weighing and one after. No matter what the scale says for any particular weigh day, I'm insuring some positive support and encouragement before and after.

My employer treated our entire Ponca City staff to lunch today. I knew this post staff meeting lunch was coming. I started preparing for it yesterday by simply asking about the menu and options. It was clear that I could easily navigate the menu and I did. I even took the opportunity to enjoy one of my favorites: cottage cheese! I don't buy cottage cheese for the apartment because I do not trust myself around the container. It's the same reason I don't buy peanut butter or large block cheddar cheese. I've developed my own personal set of boundaries with certain foods. I enjoy cheese often, but for the most part, it is portion controlled in calorie counted slices. I recently stretched and bought a 2 cup package of shredded cheddar--and believe me, I weigh it out on the digital scale every time. One of the best things along this road is discovering what works for you and what doesn't and then implementing the proper boundaries to assist in keeping it all straight.

My lunch today was pretty simple and simply pretty:




I planned on getting out in the unseasonably cooler temps this evening for a good 5K but when I arrived at the trail rather late, something didn't feel right. It's strange because I've walked this trail at all hours, night and day, and not once have I ever felt "unsafe," until tonight.  Perhaps it was the scattering of other people who were hanging out, maybe some lights were out--I don't know. Minutes after pulling up and feeling an uncomfortable hesitation, I decided to make this my exercise "off" day. I'll get into the YMCA tomorrow!

I'm thrilled about today's weigh-in. Fifty-One pounds in 10 weeks is a bunch. No complaints on the 3.3 pounds per week average of the last three weeks, either. I'm feeling fantastic. As for adjustments, I'm going to keep things pretty much the same for the next three weeks except I plan on increasing the amount of time I exercise and I plan on expanding my exercise options.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, July 1, 2014

July 1st, 2014 I'm a Former Skeptic

July 1st, 2014 I'm a Former Skeptic

The weather coverage kept me at work until after 2am this morning. By the time I hit the pillow it was after 2:30 and when the alarm started sounding at 5am, I slept right through. Sorry, neighbors! I finally pulled myself out of bed 8 minutes before 6am, eight minutes before I'm supposed to be one of the most wide awake, friendly voices you'll hear on morning radio. Wasn't happening this morning. I called the studio and arranged for a colleague to cover until I arrived. I did arrive a few minutes before 7am.  I do not sacrifice my food plan, even in a rush. I took the time to prepare breakfast and pack what I needed for lunch. This practice is too important. I'm important. More so, considering I would possibly be tired and slightly irritable with plenty of mid-morning production and no time for a post-show nap. I'm pretty sure I owe a couple of sales staffers an apology for being uncharacteristically irritable to their needs today.

When the schedule renders me too tired and cranky for my own good, that's when I must be very careful and very deliberate in my plan. If I'm too tired and I haven't planned well, I'm at risk for a perfect storm of not caring mixed with convenience.

I had an offer for free lunch today. A colleague was headed to a local family owned and operated fast food Mexican restaurant and on the way out, he asked if I wanted lunch. Before you think Taco Bell, let me explain: This place is much better. It's been a staple of this town since the 1970's and they're constantly busy. I can't count the number of lunches I've enjoyed from this place, especially since they're located a few blocks from our studios. Everything there is big and heavy--delicious. When you get shredded cheese on something, they don't skimp--ever. I've had a bean burrito from there before that must have had 250 calories worth of cheese and 400 calories worth of beans stuffed inside a large flour tortilla. It's premium stuff as fast food Mexican goes. I would have likely accepted the lunch offer had I not been prepared today. I could have navigated a few different choices and been okay--perhaps a taco salad without the edible bowl, but it would have required an ample amount of guesstimating and I try to keep the guesstimating to a minimum.

I was ready for a small snack and a much deserved nap by the time I arrived home after 2:30pm. It was a solid nap. It was the kind of nap that makes this previously untreated sleep apnea sufferer wake up and immediately express gratitude for the blessing of good sleep. I'll never again take restful sleep for granted as long as I live. I was up in plenty of time to start preparing a fabulous dinner and prepare for my weekly support group conference call I co-facilitate with Life Coach Gerri Helms. (By the way--a new 6 week session starts soon if you're interested in joining us--I'll share registration details soon.)

The only problem with a really good hour and forty-five minute nap--and this is in no way a complaint--, is, it's hard to be tired enough for a proper bedtime. Fortunately, tomorrow is a short day for me and followed by a four day weekend. I will once again host our annual 4th of July broadcast from the lake, but it's in the evening of course, not requiring me to be up super early like normal work days.

A friend of mine, after reading last night's blog post, asked me if I'm at all sad about all of the sweet foods I'll miss in my continued abstinence from sugar. Honestly, no, I'm not! Trust me, I've eaten more Snickers Bars and mint chocolate chip ice cream shakes to last me a lifetime--and if I never have another, I would still have eaten more than the average person.  It's a trade. I trade the temporary indulgence of those items and others for a lifetime free of the effects sugar undoubtedly has on me. I'm getting the good end of the deal here.

By the way, I'm very aware of the skepticism food addiction and more specifically, sugar addiction sometimes receives. I was once one of the biggest skeptics. What you need to know about me is, I'm a big believer in the power we have to convince ourselves we're something we may not be--applying a label and allowing it to become part of our identity in some form of obsessive-compulsive belief started with a big self-diagnosis. What I hope you recognize is, through my trials and real life personal experimentation and study, I'm now, without a doubt, one thousand percent convinced that food/sugar addiction is as real and powerful as any other addiction and resulting behavior. I suppose you could say I had to find out the hard way.

I've referred many times to food addiction in my previous writings, even in my book. The patterns of behavior I've described throughout my history is a brutal combination of emotional/stress eating and addictive reaction behaviors. What kept me skeptical for so long--was the theory that my behaviors could be regulated in a way, allowing me to have a somewhat normal relationship with all foods. Seriously, I lost 275 pounds "regulating" all the way! As soon as I loosened the regulations, struggle returned and so did excessive amounts of weight. I'd rather "regulate" within a few specific boundaries and have it be something I can live with forever, rather than walk a tight rope the rest of my life.

If you're normal and you can achieve a relatively healthy relationship with all foods, then you're blessed and I'm very happy for you. I can't. I'm not normal. And saying "I'm not normal" isn't something of a bad thing, not at all. It means I have special needs worthy of my extra attention. And I'm worth the effort.      

Once upon a time, my resistance of acceptance would build immediately in the presence of someone touting the practices and benefits of food addiction recovery in the traditional sense. My previous skepticism was grounded in my desperate attempt to hold onto something I felt I needed to keep in order to survive. It's interesting to me that the reality of my personal situation is quite contrary: My survival actually depends on my ability, willingness and acceptance of letting go.

-----------------------------------
Workout and dinner tonight were both fantastic. If you're interested, I post a picture and calorie counts of everything I eat to my Twitter feed: www.twitter.com/seanaanderson (You do NOT need a Twitter account to view the page and tweets--only to interact) It's not meant to be an example, a standard, a suggestion or anything like that. We're all different. I eat what I like and nothing I don't. And you may or may not like what I enjoy. I refuse to eat something I can't stand as a means to an end along this road. Because, my friend, this road doesn't end until the day we die. It's not my point to endure something until a set goal is reached--it's my point to craft a journey I can enjoy the rest of my God given time on earth.

Tomorrow is my 10 week weigh-in day. I'm incredibly excited to walk into the doctors office and step on the scale. I'll save the guesses and I'll be prepared for whatever the scale shows.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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