Day 87
Weigh Day Number Five Equals Seventy-Five
Today was yesterdays understudy, ready to step in in case inclement weather prevented the trip to Stillwater. It did very well as my official fifth bi-weekly weigh day. I was really hoping for another ten to twelve pounds, because I wanted to hit the 420's...But the scale went all the way to 430. I've lost another eight pounds! My total loss so far: Seventy-Five pounds! If anyone had any doubts about losing weight while eating “anything you want” and without any magic pills, I think I may end up convincing them! I'm not complaining at all. I'll take four to five pounds a week all year long! I have to admit, I was a little uneasy about this one. You see, even though I managed Thanksgiving well, allowing myself 2500 calories that day, my brain still registered that I had gone over 1,000. Now I know that going over 1,000 for one day out of two weeks will not contribute to weight gain, but I still had trouble with the mental acceptance of that well orchestrated plan. Then of course I had that little miniature meltdown the other night. I guess if my brain determines that I've cheated in any way, even if it was part of my plan, I still feel guilty, and expect to be punished for it come weigh day. Sounds silly, but I'll tell you this, one of the biggest things I've learned is how crazy the psychological aspects of this mission can be at times. I guess if losing eight pounds in two weeks is punishment, then bring it on! It was certainly a success, not punishment of any kind. I really wanted to hit at least 429, and had I taken off some clothing to weigh, I probably would have made it, but I probably would have been in jail too. I don't take anything off when I weigh. The way I look at it is real simple. When I weighed on Day 2 I was wearing clothes, as long as I always wear clothes, then I'm still getting an accurate “total lost”. If I had some high capacity scales in my bathroom, I'd probably weigh without the clothes, but I don't, I weigh in a very public place, so I gotta keep my britches on. On the way back I celebrated with a 280 calorie 99 cent bag of Rold Gold pretzels and a 25 calorie Propel grape fitness water. Yes, I spent 25 calories on a flavored water drink. Unlike me indeed, but I deserved it! For dinner I had an American classic, a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. I made it a double cheese grilled cheese sandwich too. And I put five saltines in my soup, all for a very nice dinner total of 525 calories.
I'll tell ya, my “cheeseaholic” post from not long ago was right on. I think it's just the holiday season, but for whatever reason, I've used more calories for cheese in the last two week period than all of the others combined. That's OK, but just strange really. I've had several people comment about my love of cheese, and several of them have admitted they too have a weakness for good cheese. I apparently have a weakness for even the not so good cheese. As long as it's real cheese, I'll give it a try. If it's imitation or “fat free”, then forget it! Cheese was meant to taste good! I'm not ready to call it “The Amazing Cheese Diet” just yet, but wow, I've really enjoyed cheese lately.
I'm hoping that my continued success will continue to inspire and re-inspire some of my friends and family. I would love for us all to do it together. I'll always give you my 100% support if you'll run with me! You can do it! Just decide. Of course a lesson I've learned, and it's one I've mentioned before, it doesn't matter how bad I want it for someone else, they will only make the decision and commitment necessary when they're ready. I just hope that doesn't become an excuse. I used it for years. “When I'm ready, I'll do it” is an excuse that allows you to eat whatever you want in the meantime. And remember, “someday” isn't listed on a calender. You have to decide, then commit, then make the very next morning that “someday” otherwise “someday” may never come. The only way I've been able to do this for 87 days in a row is by battling every excuse that comes my way. The great thing about this is, the more results you get the more exciting it gets. There are some really fun times ahead for me on this journey, and I give thanks everyday that I was given the internal power to stop myself while I still had time to be saved. It's very basic health facts: Obesity leads to all kinds of deadly things. I want to live. That's why I'm doing it now. What do you want?
I'll be in bed tonight before 9:30pm for the first time in a very long time. I'm looking forward to a really good nights rest. Stay warm and thanks for reading and giving me your support, because it plays a much bigger role in my success than you might imagine! Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Day 86 Weigh Day Weather Delay
Day 86
Weigh Day Weather Delay
Today was suppose to be weigh day. Some sleet and ice coated the roads around here, and as bad as I wanted to go weigh in Stillwater, I just couldn't justify putting my family out there! But it's a clear, cold night tonight, and the sun will shine tomorrow! I'm OK with weigh day being delayed one day. It just gives me an extra day to anticipate my results. Anticipation, an-tiss-eh-pay-ya-shun is making me wait, it's keeping me way-way-way-yay-uh-aiting. Thank you Carley Simon. I've learned not to expect any certain results. It will be what it is. I know I've done extremely well. And no matter what, I'll keep doing what I've been doing, because consistency and persistence wins this game.
Tonight we had the most incredible workout at the YMCA. It was even better, because when we arrived the Director of the Y was there to give me a high five. The high five was because an important tax proposal passed by a margin of 55% to 45%. He was just getting the results as we walked in. The vote means that Ponca City will soon have the most advanced, up to date YMCA facility you can imagine! It'll be a facility that the city owns, but the YMCA will manage and maintain. The artist rendering of the new facility is just incredible, it will be a fantastic asset to our community, and a wonderful facility for future generations to discover sports and physical fitness. I guess getting a high five from Shane gave me an extra boost, because I tore up the racquetball court! I usually start with the treadmill, but tonight I amped it up with forty-five minutes straight of chasing that little ball. I was a big sweaty mess after twenty minutes, and I pushed all the way through to forty-five minutes! It felt real good! There's no computer in there to tell you your heart rate, or how many calories you've burned, or how many miles you've covered, but believe me, you know it when you have an awesome workout. You don't need a computer to tell you. I'm so much quicker in the court these days. You should see me fly! I go for the ball every time. I really surprise myself sometimes. The YMCA director watched me in 2004. He was thrilled when I reached the 100 pound mark back then, his enthusiasm and support was a wonderful thing. Then when I fell off the wagon, I avoided him like crazy. I didn't want to disappoint him, but I did anyway. Well, the other day I had him on my show and off the air I mentioned my weight loss so far, and he informed me in no uncertain terms: “Sean, you better stick to it this time, or I'll come out here and whip your rear end”...Actually I may have been paraphrasing there, but it was something to that effect. He could do it too. And get this, he runs all the time...right across the sidewalk in front of our lawn! He doesn't live very far from here, and we're right on his running route. So I can't avoid him now! I have to do this all the way! Thanks for the added motivation Shane!
Tonight we put up our Christmas Tree. Our tree trimming tradition was very different this year, because we didn't have Amber with us! We miss you Amber! Come home, and we'll put everything back that we looted from your room! I'm kidding, we'll keep the cool stuff. Seriously Amber, your dad jokes, you know me. Besides, mom is going to get real tired of that Johnny Depp poster in our bedroom. Anyhow, it was also different because we didn't make homemade cookies. We purchased some Chips A'hoy chewy chocolate chip cookies. I totally wasn't prepared for the cookies, so with only 100 calories remaining, I had one for 60 calories, and some sips of Irene's hot chocolate. We listened to traditional Christmas music while we decorated, and I have to say, with the wintry white ice and sleet on the ground, it felt very christmasee. Honestly, we didn't really miss the homemade cookies. I will say this: I'll never waste another 60 calories on a Chips A'hoy Chewy Chocolate Chip cookie! Very small and very unsatisfying. I use to dunk five to ten of the original crunchy Chips A'hoy in a big glass of milk. I bet I would go through 1,000 calories in cookies and milk every time. And when we had freshly baked, oh my, add about 500 more calories, just for milk and cookies! No wonder Santa is an obese man. It is a beautiful tree, and it was a wonderful experience for the three of us. Amber can add some decorations when she comes home after Christmas!
Tomorrow is weigh day! I'll be sending out the weigh day text message update just as soon as I step off the scale! Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Weigh Day Weather Delay
Today was suppose to be weigh day. Some sleet and ice coated the roads around here, and as bad as I wanted to go weigh in Stillwater, I just couldn't justify putting my family out there! But it's a clear, cold night tonight, and the sun will shine tomorrow! I'm OK with weigh day being delayed one day. It just gives me an extra day to anticipate my results. Anticipation, an-tiss-eh-pay-ya-shun is making me wait, it's keeping me way-way-way-yay-uh-aiting. Thank you Carley Simon. I've learned not to expect any certain results. It will be what it is. I know I've done extremely well. And no matter what, I'll keep doing what I've been doing, because consistency and persistence wins this game.
Tonight we had the most incredible workout at the YMCA. It was even better, because when we arrived the Director of the Y was there to give me a high five. The high five was because an important tax proposal passed by a margin of 55% to 45%. He was just getting the results as we walked in. The vote means that Ponca City will soon have the most advanced, up to date YMCA facility you can imagine! It'll be a facility that the city owns, but the YMCA will manage and maintain. The artist rendering of the new facility is just incredible, it will be a fantastic asset to our community, and a wonderful facility for future generations to discover sports and physical fitness. I guess getting a high five from Shane gave me an extra boost, because I tore up the racquetball court! I usually start with the treadmill, but tonight I amped it up with forty-five minutes straight of chasing that little ball. I was a big sweaty mess after twenty minutes, and I pushed all the way through to forty-five minutes! It felt real good! There's no computer in there to tell you your heart rate, or how many calories you've burned, or how many miles you've covered, but believe me, you know it when you have an awesome workout. You don't need a computer to tell you. I'm so much quicker in the court these days. You should see me fly! I go for the ball every time. I really surprise myself sometimes. The YMCA director watched me in 2004. He was thrilled when I reached the 100 pound mark back then, his enthusiasm and support was a wonderful thing. Then when I fell off the wagon, I avoided him like crazy. I didn't want to disappoint him, but I did anyway. Well, the other day I had him on my show and off the air I mentioned my weight loss so far, and he informed me in no uncertain terms: “Sean, you better stick to it this time, or I'll come out here and whip your rear end”...Actually I may have been paraphrasing there, but it was something to that effect. He could do it too. And get this, he runs all the time...right across the sidewalk in front of our lawn! He doesn't live very far from here, and we're right on his running route. So I can't avoid him now! I have to do this all the way! Thanks for the added motivation Shane!
Tonight we put up our Christmas Tree. Our tree trimming tradition was very different this year, because we didn't have Amber with us! We miss you Amber! Come home, and we'll put everything back that we looted from your room! I'm kidding, we'll keep the cool stuff. Seriously Amber, your dad jokes, you know me. Besides, mom is going to get real tired of that Johnny Depp poster in our bedroom. Anyhow, it was also different because we didn't make homemade cookies. We purchased some Chips A'hoy chewy chocolate chip cookies. I totally wasn't prepared for the cookies, so with only 100 calories remaining, I had one for 60 calories, and some sips of Irene's hot chocolate. We listened to traditional Christmas music while we decorated, and I have to say, with the wintry white ice and sleet on the ground, it felt very christmasee. Honestly, we didn't really miss the homemade cookies. I will say this: I'll never waste another 60 calories on a Chips A'hoy Chewy Chocolate Chip cookie! Very small and very unsatisfying. I use to dunk five to ten of the original crunchy Chips A'hoy in a big glass of milk. I bet I would go through 1,000 calories in cookies and milk every time. And when we had freshly baked, oh my, add about 500 more calories, just for milk and cookies! No wonder Santa is an obese man. It is a beautiful tree, and it was a wonderful experience for the three of us. Amber can add some decorations when she comes home after Christmas!
Tomorrow is weigh day! I'll be sending out the weigh day text message update just as soon as I step off the scale! Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Day 85 Jeans That Fit Just Right and Holiday Lights
Day 85
Jeans That Fit Just Right and Holiday Lights
Today has been a really long day. It started at 5am and it's not over yet! Kelli and I went to Oklahoma City, Kelli for a birth certificate, I was driving Kelli, and since I was down that way picked up a pair of Levis at the Big and Tall store. The other day I predicted that I would fit into a mens 54. After picking out a few 54's and a couple 56's, I went in to the dressing room to get some proof positive results! I tried on the Levis 560 54 inch waist first. And from the moment they buttoned and zipped without trouble, I knew they were the ones. Eighty-Five days ago I was a size 60 or 62, then I nailed the guess the other day! And these will only cover my hide for a very short time, I know, but it felt so good to get into them comfortably. I immediately ripped off all the tags, put on my shoes, and made my way to the checkout with the jeans I wore in the store bundled in my hand. I was buying these jeans. And I wasn't even going to take them off for the ride home. They were mine. They felt good, they were Levis! It's been a while since I could fit into Levis comfortably. On the way out of the store I gave a little wink to the 36's on the top shelf, as if to say... “I'll be back for you someday soon!” And I will! I wonder what that will feel like? I can't wait to find out! Before that triumphant jean buying trip, I'll buy bigger sizes along the way, sure. Size 42 will be a milestone size. That's the size I was wearing in 9th grade. I'm really not that far away!! It felt so good to wear those jeans out of the store, I didn't even notice how tired I was. After making it back to Stillwater, we picked up mom, grandma, and Keith and made a run at the Ponca City Festival of Angels holiday lighting display. The lights here are amazing! If you're ever in the area you should check them out!
I had a wonderful visit with everyone tonight. But I have to say, it's made for a really late night. And I haven't exercised yet! As much as I hate to, I'm going to have to miss the walk tonight. It's really late and the alarm is set for 4:45am. Although I try my best not to, occasionally missing a trip to the YMCA or the walking trail isn't the end of the world. There's only so much time in a day. But believe me, if there's any way, even if it means walking in the cold and rain, I'll do it 90% of the time. Tonight I'm just too exhausted. And that's OK.
Tomorrow is weigh day! I so look forward to weigh day every two weeks. At last check I had lost 67 pounds and now what will it be? We'll find out tomorrow! I'm getting closer and closer to the 100 pound mark. And like I've said, the 115 mark will be a really exciting moment too! Remember, everything after 115 lost will be a new personal record. If it's snowing tomorrow, weigh day may be postponed until Wednesday. I think it's going to be just fine. If you've been receiving my weigh day text message updates, then I'll send another one tomorrow. If you haven't, I'd be happy to add you to the list...Just send me your cell number in a private message and it'll be added to the mass text update every weigh day!
I will post “before and now” pictures in the next day or so. I'll have Courtney help me with that. I do plan on taking a bunch more pictures! I'll do it! I promise. But I have to tell you, I still don't like what I see in pictures. I'm still over 400 pounds. The after pictures I'm looking forward to will be taken at 230 pounds. But I will show progress pictures along the way, even if I can't stand them!
What a great Monday. I never say that by the way. But it was a really nice Monday. I still can't believe I nailed my guess of size 54. I guess I can “feel” my size. And of course I had those size 50's in the closet that I couldn't get into, but almost, so I guess I was making an educated guess. But still, it was a guess!! Thank you for giving me your continued support! Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Jeans That Fit Just Right and Holiday Lights
Today has been a really long day. It started at 5am and it's not over yet! Kelli and I went to Oklahoma City, Kelli for a birth certificate, I was driving Kelli, and since I was down that way picked up a pair of Levis at the Big and Tall store. The other day I predicted that I would fit into a mens 54. After picking out a few 54's and a couple 56's, I went in to the dressing room to get some proof positive results! I tried on the Levis 560 54 inch waist first. And from the moment they buttoned and zipped without trouble, I knew they were the ones. Eighty-Five days ago I was a size 60 or 62, then I nailed the guess the other day! And these will only cover my hide for a very short time, I know, but it felt so good to get into them comfortably. I immediately ripped off all the tags, put on my shoes, and made my way to the checkout with the jeans I wore in the store bundled in my hand. I was buying these jeans. And I wasn't even going to take them off for the ride home. They were mine. They felt good, they were Levis! It's been a while since I could fit into Levis comfortably. On the way out of the store I gave a little wink to the 36's on the top shelf, as if to say... “I'll be back for you someday soon!” And I will! I wonder what that will feel like? I can't wait to find out! Before that triumphant jean buying trip, I'll buy bigger sizes along the way, sure. Size 42 will be a milestone size. That's the size I was wearing in 9th grade. I'm really not that far away!! It felt so good to wear those jeans out of the store, I didn't even notice how tired I was. After making it back to Stillwater, we picked up mom, grandma, and Keith and made a run at the Ponca City Festival of Angels holiday lighting display. The lights here are amazing! If you're ever in the area you should check them out!
I had a wonderful visit with everyone tonight. But I have to say, it's made for a really late night. And I haven't exercised yet! As much as I hate to, I'm going to have to miss the walk tonight. It's really late and the alarm is set for 4:45am. Although I try my best not to, occasionally missing a trip to the YMCA or the walking trail isn't the end of the world. There's only so much time in a day. But believe me, if there's any way, even if it means walking in the cold and rain, I'll do it 90% of the time. Tonight I'm just too exhausted. And that's OK.
Tomorrow is weigh day! I so look forward to weigh day every two weeks. At last check I had lost 67 pounds and now what will it be? We'll find out tomorrow! I'm getting closer and closer to the 100 pound mark. And like I've said, the 115 mark will be a really exciting moment too! Remember, everything after 115 lost will be a new personal record. If it's snowing tomorrow, weigh day may be postponed until Wednesday. I think it's going to be just fine. If you've been receiving my weigh day text message updates, then I'll send another one tomorrow. If you haven't, I'd be happy to add you to the list...Just send me your cell number in a private message and it'll be added to the mass text update every weigh day!
I will post “before and now” pictures in the next day or so. I'll have Courtney help me with that. I do plan on taking a bunch more pictures! I'll do it! I promise. But I have to tell you, I still don't like what I see in pictures. I'm still over 400 pounds. The after pictures I'm looking forward to will be taken at 230 pounds. But I will show progress pictures along the way, even if I can't stand them!
What a great Monday. I never say that by the way. But it was a really nice Monday. I still can't believe I nailed my guess of size 54. I guess I can “feel” my size. And of course I had those size 50's in the closet that I couldn't get into, but almost, so I guess I was making an educated guess. But still, it was a guess!! Thank you for giving me your continued support! Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Day 84 Weekend Number Twelve A Success
Day 84
Weekend Number Twelve A Success
Today was another lazy Sunday around the Anderson household. I started my day with a 180 calorie pack of peanut butter wafer bars. Not the best choice, I know. I usually start with some wholesome oatmeal, but I get bored with that after a while. As a matter of fact, Friday I put my oatmeal in the microwave at the studio a little after 6am, and I got it out at noon. I guess I wasn't hungry, although I try not to skip food in the morning, the metabolism needs something to work on early! The peanut butter wafers will be around here a long time. They're awful. One of my dearest sweet addictions has always been Little Debbie Nutty Bars. Picking up a box use to be as normal as picking up milk or bread in our house. Every grocery store trip included Nutty Bars, and if a box lasted longer than two days, someone was sick or away from home. That someone would be me. I'd always put them in the freezer, ah nothing like an ice cold Nutty Bar. I don't think I've had one yet in the last 84 days. Too many calories (155 per bar—310 a package) in those tasty little wafers! But I found a knock-off version that was packaged to target calorie conscience people like me. In big letters on the box it says “just 90 calories!” Really, Ok then, I'm OK with that. I'm normally not fooled by marketing gimmicks, I'll go straight to the nutritional information and the fine print. But for some reason I trusted Mrs. Freshley. Mrs. Freshley sounds like a kind, warm, grandmotherly soul, unlike that Little Debbie, who sounds like trouble. Turns out Mrs. Freshley was being a little deceptive, ya see it is 90 calories, if you only eat half the package. Still, at 180 calories, kudos to Mrs. Freshley for cutting the calories of the original Nutty Bars by 130 calories, but if it's going to taste like cardboard with some stale peanut butter, I'd rather not. I can't believe I finished my package. Completely unsatisfied, I soon had a mid-morning snack. I was fixing grilled cheese in a pan with zero calorie cooking spray, but now I use the George Foreman Grill. It's the best! Just two pieces of bread and a piece of cheese, no butter or margarine, no added calories for anything else. Depending on what kind of bread you use, a grilled cheese can come in anywhere from 140 to 180 calories. My grilled cheese was 180. I should have just started with that huh? But remember, watch the grilled cheese close, if you leave it in the grill too long, all the cheese will bubble out the sides, and all you'll have left is cheese toast. About three minutes is good. To make a long story short, I came into dinner with only 500 calories to spare. It's just Courtney and Me tonight, so we decided instead of cooking we would grab something out. I immediately started going down the list of fast food options under 500 calories. I decided on a couple of Fresco Tacos at Taco Bell. Fresco tacos are just tacos without cheese. They replace the cheese with chunky salsa and it trims 20 calories per taco. I've never ordered the Fresco before tonight, but I decided to leave myself two hundred calories for a snack later. I'm a big believer that just because it's “fast food”, doesn't mean it's junk food. It all depends on your choices. I have yet to come across a fast food place I couldn't successfully navigate. Kentucky Fried Chicken comes close, but even Colonel Sanders can't break me! You do have to be extra careful while ordering fast food. If I'm not sure about the calories, I'll look it up first, then decide if there are any changes I can make to it for a calorie reduction. No mayo is the best move to make if you want to eliminate added calories. I did have to look at the giant picture of Taco Bell's new “Fully Loaded” nachos. I've always been a big fan of nachos, but I've always been frustrated with poorly topped nachos. You know what I mean. Too many chips, not enough stuff! Well, Taco Bell has finally addressed this very important dilemma. However, I mustn't allow myself to get mesmerized by this new menu item. It comes in an edible bowl...that was my second clue that it was loaded, the first being the name, and by the way, to the person that came up with the edible bowl idea, you're a genius! After being tempted by the endless “Fully Loaded” commercials, and tonight by the larger than life picture of it's fully loaded goodness, I had to check out the calories. Are you ready for this? According to Taco Bell's website, the new “Fully Loaded” Nachos check in at a whopping 1,390 calories. And since they apparently have a sense of humor at Taco Bell, they call that 1 serving. Two things I'm sure of now: 1. I'll never order one of these. 2. They sure got the name right. Taco Bell earns an A for truth in advertising. In the case of the Nutty Bar Knockoff...Mrs. Freshley earns a D- for making possibly the worst tasting peanut butter wafer bar known to human kind.
Courtney's finishing up her homework and I'm finishing up todays blog entry. In just a little bit we're headed to the trail to pound out a brisk two miles. It's not going to be a leisurely stroll, we're going for heart rate my friend! That's the thing about walking, if you want a better workout, just pick up the pace! I have to pick it up, because now that I've lost 67 pounds (more by now) I can walk normally without getting out of breath. It's amazing how wonderful that feels.
Tomorrow I'm headed for Oklahoma City. Kelli and I are going for two specific reasons. She needs to pick up her birth certificate and I need some jeans! Her birth certificate is needed so she can renew her license. Which got me to thinking. I've only been honest one time in my life when asked how much I weigh at the Drivers License place. I proudly proclaimed 385 when I renewed back in the summer of 2004. I've changed the picture since then, but it still says 385. I think it's expected for most people to be a little dishonest about their drivers license weight, otherwise why don't they just get a 1,000 pound capacity scale, and make it a requirement of getting your license. I wonder if they've ever even questioned someones answer to that question? “Uh, I weigh 195”, “Ok, Mr. Anderson, here ya go!” I bet police officers joke about it all the time, “yeah guys, and get this, her drivers license said she weighed 115, I almost asked her which half?” Maybe not. I guess I shouldn't assume people, especially police officers, make fun of fat people. But really, even some fat people make fun of fat people.
For a weekend that started with a mini-meltdown, it's turned out pretty well. I made it through a mini-storm and I'm still going strong! I'm headed to the walking trail now. Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Weekend Number Twelve A Success
Today was another lazy Sunday around the Anderson household. I started my day with a 180 calorie pack of peanut butter wafer bars. Not the best choice, I know. I usually start with some wholesome oatmeal, but I get bored with that after a while. As a matter of fact, Friday I put my oatmeal in the microwave at the studio a little after 6am, and I got it out at noon. I guess I wasn't hungry, although I try not to skip food in the morning, the metabolism needs something to work on early! The peanut butter wafers will be around here a long time. They're awful. One of my dearest sweet addictions has always been Little Debbie Nutty Bars. Picking up a box use to be as normal as picking up milk or bread in our house. Every grocery store trip included Nutty Bars, and if a box lasted longer than two days, someone was sick or away from home. That someone would be me. I'd always put them in the freezer, ah nothing like an ice cold Nutty Bar. I don't think I've had one yet in the last 84 days. Too many calories (155 per bar—310 a package) in those tasty little wafers! But I found a knock-off version that was packaged to target calorie conscience people like me. In big letters on the box it says “just 90 calories!” Really, Ok then, I'm OK with that. I'm normally not fooled by marketing gimmicks, I'll go straight to the nutritional information and the fine print. But for some reason I trusted Mrs. Freshley. Mrs. Freshley sounds like a kind, warm, grandmotherly soul, unlike that Little Debbie, who sounds like trouble. Turns out Mrs. Freshley was being a little deceptive, ya see it is 90 calories, if you only eat half the package. Still, at 180 calories, kudos to Mrs. Freshley for cutting the calories of the original Nutty Bars by 130 calories, but if it's going to taste like cardboard with some stale peanut butter, I'd rather not. I can't believe I finished my package. Completely unsatisfied, I soon had a mid-morning snack. I was fixing grilled cheese in a pan with zero calorie cooking spray, but now I use the George Foreman Grill. It's the best! Just two pieces of bread and a piece of cheese, no butter or margarine, no added calories for anything else. Depending on what kind of bread you use, a grilled cheese can come in anywhere from 140 to 180 calories. My grilled cheese was 180. I should have just started with that huh? But remember, watch the grilled cheese close, if you leave it in the grill too long, all the cheese will bubble out the sides, and all you'll have left is cheese toast. About three minutes is good. To make a long story short, I came into dinner with only 500 calories to spare. It's just Courtney and Me tonight, so we decided instead of cooking we would grab something out. I immediately started going down the list of fast food options under 500 calories. I decided on a couple of Fresco Tacos at Taco Bell. Fresco tacos are just tacos without cheese. They replace the cheese with chunky salsa and it trims 20 calories per taco. I've never ordered the Fresco before tonight, but I decided to leave myself two hundred calories for a snack later. I'm a big believer that just because it's “fast food”, doesn't mean it's junk food. It all depends on your choices. I have yet to come across a fast food place I couldn't successfully navigate. Kentucky Fried Chicken comes close, but even Colonel Sanders can't break me! You do have to be extra careful while ordering fast food. If I'm not sure about the calories, I'll look it up first, then decide if there are any changes I can make to it for a calorie reduction. No mayo is the best move to make if you want to eliminate added calories. I did have to look at the giant picture of Taco Bell's new “Fully Loaded” nachos. I've always been a big fan of nachos, but I've always been frustrated with poorly topped nachos. You know what I mean. Too many chips, not enough stuff! Well, Taco Bell has finally addressed this very important dilemma. However, I mustn't allow myself to get mesmerized by this new menu item. It comes in an edible bowl...that was my second clue that it was loaded, the first being the name, and by the way, to the person that came up with the edible bowl idea, you're a genius! After being tempted by the endless “Fully Loaded” commercials, and tonight by the larger than life picture of it's fully loaded goodness, I had to check out the calories. Are you ready for this? According to Taco Bell's website, the new “Fully Loaded” Nachos check in at a whopping 1,390 calories. And since they apparently have a sense of humor at Taco Bell, they call that 1 serving. Two things I'm sure of now: 1. I'll never order one of these. 2. They sure got the name right. Taco Bell earns an A for truth in advertising. In the case of the Nutty Bar Knockoff...Mrs. Freshley earns a D- for making possibly the worst tasting peanut butter wafer bar known to human kind.
Courtney's finishing up her homework and I'm finishing up todays blog entry. In just a little bit we're headed to the trail to pound out a brisk two miles. It's not going to be a leisurely stroll, we're going for heart rate my friend! That's the thing about walking, if you want a better workout, just pick up the pace! I have to pick it up, because now that I've lost 67 pounds (more by now) I can walk normally without getting out of breath. It's amazing how wonderful that feels.
Tomorrow I'm headed for Oklahoma City. Kelli and I are going for two specific reasons. She needs to pick up her birth certificate and I need some jeans! Her birth certificate is needed so she can renew her license. Which got me to thinking. I've only been honest one time in my life when asked how much I weigh at the Drivers License place. I proudly proclaimed 385 when I renewed back in the summer of 2004. I've changed the picture since then, but it still says 385. I think it's expected for most people to be a little dishonest about their drivers license weight, otherwise why don't they just get a 1,000 pound capacity scale, and make it a requirement of getting your license. I wonder if they've ever even questioned someones answer to that question? “Uh, I weigh 195”, “Ok, Mr. Anderson, here ya go!” I bet police officers joke about it all the time, “yeah guys, and get this, her drivers license said she weighed 115, I almost asked her which half?” Maybe not. I guess I shouldn't assume people, especially police officers, make fun of fat people. But really, even some fat people make fun of fat people.
For a weekend that started with a mini-meltdown, it's turned out pretty well. I made it through a mini-storm and I'm still going strong! I'm headed to the walking trail now. Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Day 83 Cold Chill Walkin' and New Clothes Talkin'
Day 83
Cold Chill Walkin' and New Clothes Talkin'
Today was a fantastic day. I stayed within my calories and I walked throughout our neighborhood tonight. It was only a 30 minute walk. Too cold! But still over a mile based on time. I have a cold already, so I bundled up, and I was fine until I had a sneezing attack. I sneezed four times in a row, without any tissues. I was a mess! So I decided to cut my adventure short. I haven't had any problems today at all. It wasn't the 180 over calories that upset me last night. It was the deliberate action of going over. I really couldn't believe I had done it. But it's behind me now and we've moved on. I sincerely appreciate all the support everyone expressed. It really helped me get over it.
I've decided to buy a new pair of jeans on Monday. I really wanted to wait as long as I could, but I can't wait any more. It'll be interesting what size I'll need. I'll be sure to post it here! I'll have to get rid of these new jeans soon, I don't plan to be in them very long. Maybe a couple months if I use my belt to hold 'em up. I'm really looking forward to getting down to a size where I can wear what I want and not what I have to. I've shopped for clothes before and been limited to one or two racks in the entire store. And that's at a big and tall store! I've flirted with the largest sizes they carry for years. I remember one trip to a big and tall in Tulsa, I could barely button the largest pair of jeans they had. I don't know what I would've done had they not fit. I guess I would have had to wear elastic banded wind pants everywhere. The nice thing about buying new jeans is how they'll make me look smaller. Right now my jeans are so baggy that you really only notice my weight loss so far in my face. A much smaller pair of jeans will be a little more revealing of my results. Not needing the largest pair of jeans they sell will feel really nice.
I just finished off my calories for the day with some green apple apple sauce and 100 calories worth of mini brownies. It sounded like a strange combination but it really was good together. I'm really not much into brownies, but these were just the sweet I was craving. Mini-brownies may not be my first choice for a little low calorie sweet treat but I forgot to pick up the Dream Bars today! I say I'm not a brownie person, and this probably will confuse my girls, because every time they've baked them in the past I've had two or three with a big glass of milk. Now that isn't a low calorie treat.
Today wasn't the “day after” I thought it could be. I didn't feel out of control, I didn't lose myself, I didn't let myself down at all. Last night was a very minor infraction. Getting all bent out of shape doesn't help, it only hinders the situation. See, I'm learning from my mistakes! Isn't that what makes us successful? Trial and error? Practice makes perfect! I've practiced for many years, I've put myself through more trial and error than I care to mention. So I can be successful now. I deserve success now. I will have success now. It's right here for the taking. I'm taking it.
I'm very tired tonight, although I don't really know why, after all I had a nap. But I think I'll call it a successful day and turn in for the night. Thank you for your support! Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Cold Chill Walkin' and New Clothes Talkin'
Today was a fantastic day. I stayed within my calories and I walked throughout our neighborhood tonight. It was only a 30 minute walk. Too cold! But still over a mile based on time. I have a cold already, so I bundled up, and I was fine until I had a sneezing attack. I sneezed four times in a row, without any tissues. I was a mess! So I decided to cut my adventure short. I haven't had any problems today at all. It wasn't the 180 over calories that upset me last night. It was the deliberate action of going over. I really couldn't believe I had done it. But it's behind me now and we've moved on. I sincerely appreciate all the support everyone expressed. It really helped me get over it.
I've decided to buy a new pair of jeans on Monday. I really wanted to wait as long as I could, but I can't wait any more. It'll be interesting what size I'll need. I'll be sure to post it here! I'll have to get rid of these new jeans soon, I don't plan to be in them very long. Maybe a couple months if I use my belt to hold 'em up. I'm really looking forward to getting down to a size where I can wear what I want and not what I have to. I've shopped for clothes before and been limited to one or two racks in the entire store. And that's at a big and tall store! I've flirted with the largest sizes they carry for years. I remember one trip to a big and tall in Tulsa, I could barely button the largest pair of jeans they had. I don't know what I would've done had they not fit. I guess I would have had to wear elastic banded wind pants everywhere. The nice thing about buying new jeans is how they'll make me look smaller. Right now my jeans are so baggy that you really only notice my weight loss so far in my face. A much smaller pair of jeans will be a little more revealing of my results. Not needing the largest pair of jeans they sell will feel really nice.
I just finished off my calories for the day with some green apple apple sauce and 100 calories worth of mini brownies. It sounded like a strange combination but it really was good together. I'm really not much into brownies, but these were just the sweet I was craving. Mini-brownies may not be my first choice for a little low calorie sweet treat but I forgot to pick up the Dream Bars today! I say I'm not a brownie person, and this probably will confuse my girls, because every time they've baked them in the past I've had two or three with a big glass of milk. Now that isn't a low calorie treat.
Today wasn't the “day after” I thought it could be. I didn't feel out of control, I didn't lose myself, I didn't let myself down at all. Last night was a very minor infraction. Getting all bent out of shape doesn't help, it only hinders the situation. See, I'm learning from my mistakes! Isn't that what makes us successful? Trial and error? Practice makes perfect! I've practiced for many years, I've put myself through more trial and error than I care to mention. So I can be successful now. I deserve success now. I will have success now. It's right here for the taking. I'm taking it.
I'm very tired tonight, although I don't really know why, after all I had a nap. But I think I'll call it a successful day and turn in for the night. Thank you for your support! Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Day 82 Not A Meltdown, But Real Close
Day 82
Not A Meltdown, But Real Close.
There are so many psychological variables that go into staying on track and doing this. When I think back to all of my failed attempts, I'm doing it for the sake of understanding why. Some might say to “never look back.” But I do, because I want to learn. I tried to fully understand it, but I have to say, it's beyond me. How do you lose 115 pounds then gain it all back, when you were almost half way to your goal? I did that in 2004. It's a scary thing for me. It's scary because I know that if you asked me back on Day 82 in 2004 if I could even imagine failing, I would have laughed out loud. I was completely convinced that the time had come once and for all. I'm completely convinced again right here in 2008, so you understand why I try to go back and study what exactly went wrong. The more I break it down, the more I start to think that maybe it's a little deeper than I'm qualified to understand. I worry about that all the time. Do I have a self-destruct mechanism? Some people do. And it's rooted deep in our psychological make up. You know what I'm talking about right? You see it all the time. When someone starts to have success in anything, they find a way to mess it up. Are they afraid of success? Are they punishing themselves for feeling too good? Ya see, it's a twisted little psychological teaser. Any psychiatrist reading this blog? If so, please reply to this blog with answers! When I have a bad day, like day 60, and the other day, it really bothers me. I want this more than anything in the world. I want to be a normal weight for the first time in my life! So why is it so hard some days? I'm on track, it's a nice steady pace, I'll get to where I'm goin' eventually, as long as I can avoid my own self-destructive mechanism. You see perfect examples of this self destructive stuff in the world of professional athletics. It boggles our minds when we hear of an athlete throwing away millions because they can't seem to control their addictions and behaviors. I'm not an athlete, and it might not be millions I'd be throwing away, but to me my loss would be worth more than any pro contract out there. This is my life. And my life effects many people dear to me. That's why I'm doing this so hardcore. It's the most important thing in the world to me and the thought of throwing it all away for some unknown stupid reason scares me to death. And an early death is exactly where it leads if I continue being as big as I was 82 days ago. This is one of those serious editions by the way. I get so much enjoyment out of writing this blog, but I have to admit, when it's a topic like this, and the words flow out on a river of emotion straight from my heart, well, I don't like it! I'm strong! I'm humorous about everything! I can't stand dramatics! I love to laugh, I prefer to laugh instead of facing my number one enemy: Me.
You see, I'm getting ready to go to bed in just a little bit, and I'm going to toss and turn and try to figure out what made me eat 180 calories worth of cheese and crackers, when I knew I was already at the limit. It wasn't an accident. I knew the moment I opened the fridge that my eating for the day was over. And for the first time in 82 days, I didn't stop myself cold. I know that it isn't going to make a difference come weigh day. I know that really, it wasn't that big of a deal. But it is to me. And I would understand it better had this been a bad day, it wasn't! It was a pretty good day. For whatever reason I let my guard down tonight. I'm really mad at myself. I know I'm not perfect, I've never claimed to be, but my rules for this mission mustn't ever be compromised. I'm going to do my best to put this behind me. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying 180 calories worth of cheese and crackers is “self destructing”, it's not at all. It just puzzles me. I wasn't hungry! I just thought it would taste good. Well, it wasn't good enough to go over my calories. They don't make a cheese that good.
I'm not letting this minor lapse throw me. I've done that many times before. A little slip and bam---I'm done. No way! Not this time. The next few days are critical. I'm going to put this overage behind me and move forward. But my guard will be much higher, my steps more clearly defined, and my resolve over everything critical to this mission will be stronger.
It wasn't even good cheese and crackers! It was American singles and saltines! Goodness gracious! And as my late grandfather would say... “Well good night!” and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Not A Meltdown, But Real Close.
There are so many psychological variables that go into staying on track and doing this. When I think back to all of my failed attempts, I'm doing it for the sake of understanding why. Some might say to “never look back.” But I do, because I want to learn. I tried to fully understand it, but I have to say, it's beyond me. How do you lose 115 pounds then gain it all back, when you were almost half way to your goal? I did that in 2004. It's a scary thing for me. It's scary because I know that if you asked me back on Day 82 in 2004 if I could even imagine failing, I would have laughed out loud. I was completely convinced that the time had come once and for all. I'm completely convinced again right here in 2008, so you understand why I try to go back and study what exactly went wrong. The more I break it down, the more I start to think that maybe it's a little deeper than I'm qualified to understand. I worry about that all the time. Do I have a self-destruct mechanism? Some people do. And it's rooted deep in our psychological make up. You know what I'm talking about right? You see it all the time. When someone starts to have success in anything, they find a way to mess it up. Are they afraid of success? Are they punishing themselves for feeling too good? Ya see, it's a twisted little psychological teaser. Any psychiatrist reading this blog? If so, please reply to this blog with answers! When I have a bad day, like day 60, and the other day, it really bothers me. I want this more than anything in the world. I want to be a normal weight for the first time in my life! So why is it so hard some days? I'm on track, it's a nice steady pace, I'll get to where I'm goin' eventually, as long as I can avoid my own self-destructive mechanism. You see perfect examples of this self destructive stuff in the world of professional athletics. It boggles our minds when we hear of an athlete throwing away millions because they can't seem to control their addictions and behaviors. I'm not an athlete, and it might not be millions I'd be throwing away, but to me my loss would be worth more than any pro contract out there. This is my life. And my life effects many people dear to me. That's why I'm doing this so hardcore. It's the most important thing in the world to me and the thought of throwing it all away for some unknown stupid reason scares me to death. And an early death is exactly where it leads if I continue being as big as I was 82 days ago. This is one of those serious editions by the way. I get so much enjoyment out of writing this blog, but I have to admit, when it's a topic like this, and the words flow out on a river of emotion straight from my heart, well, I don't like it! I'm strong! I'm humorous about everything! I can't stand dramatics! I love to laugh, I prefer to laugh instead of facing my number one enemy: Me.
You see, I'm getting ready to go to bed in just a little bit, and I'm going to toss and turn and try to figure out what made me eat 180 calories worth of cheese and crackers, when I knew I was already at the limit. It wasn't an accident. I knew the moment I opened the fridge that my eating for the day was over. And for the first time in 82 days, I didn't stop myself cold. I know that it isn't going to make a difference come weigh day. I know that really, it wasn't that big of a deal. But it is to me. And I would understand it better had this been a bad day, it wasn't! It was a pretty good day. For whatever reason I let my guard down tonight. I'm really mad at myself. I know I'm not perfect, I've never claimed to be, but my rules for this mission mustn't ever be compromised. I'm going to do my best to put this behind me. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying 180 calories worth of cheese and crackers is “self destructing”, it's not at all. It just puzzles me. I wasn't hungry! I just thought it would taste good. Well, it wasn't good enough to go over my calories. They don't make a cheese that good.
I'm not letting this minor lapse throw me. I've done that many times before. A little slip and bam---I'm done. No way! Not this time. The next few days are critical. I'm going to put this overage behind me and move forward. But my guard will be much higher, my steps more clearly defined, and my resolve over everything critical to this mission will be stronger.
It wasn't even good cheese and crackers! It was American singles and saltines! Goodness gracious! And as my late grandfather would say... “Well good night!” and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Day 81 Eating Pie and Losing Weight
Day 81
Eating Pie and Losing Weight
As I write this evenings blog, I'm enjoying the very last piece of pumpkin pie in the house. We brought that leftover pie home a week ago! That's got to be a family record. Pumpkin Pie and Cool Whip is lucky to last two days around here, OK, around me. I think I'm also setting a record for time it takes to eat it...I've been at it for twenty minutes already and I still have half a piece! There's still some leftover pecan pie in there, but none of us can bring ourselves to spend that many calories. The leftover pecan will probably find it's way into the trash can soon. And that would be another record! First ever pecan pie thrown away in our household! Except for that rancid tasting one we bought last year, we tossed it that day, it was bad, pecan pie isn't suppose to taste like rotten fish. But throwing away perfectly good pecan pie? Never. I'm sure it will happen this time eventually, after all we're really upset with pecan pie for being so calorie laden. This piece of pumpkin with Cool Whip is so darn tasty and cold. I love cold pumpkin pie, and since I had 300 calories left, I figured why not use it on pie! And I still have 60 calories to spare!
I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. He was in Tulsa with his wife and son and they were just leaving Casa Bonita. I thought Casa Bonita was closed down forever, but no! They're back. And according to my friend, they've reclaimed the original atmosphere and quality they had thirty years ago. As soon as the words “Casa Bonita” left his lips, I was licking mine. Casa Bonita, when I was a kid, was the kind of restaurant you would gladly drive eighty miles to enjoy. It's a big mexican restaurant and the inside is like a little Mexican village. They even had a working waterfall and a roaming mariachi band. The décor was amazing, and the food, oh wow. I feel guilty just talking about it. The “deluxe” mexican dinner was a plate full of enchiladas, tamales, a taco, rice and beans. They would bring fresh chips, salsa, and queso to your table, and when you wanted more food, you just raised your flag. The evil Sean wanted to hear all the details from my friend. Evil Sean: “So, uh, do they have the warm fresh fried complimentary sopapias?” “they do? Oh wow, they were the best!” The good Sean had to intervene before I fueled up and drove two hours for a Mexican meltdown! So I changed the subject... Good Sean: “uh, I'm at the Y working out.” “Eye of the Tiger Sean, let's move!” “Stop asking questions about Casa Bonita, there ya go, it's gonna be alright.” Evil Sean: “And you would think the complimentary queso would be the cheap runny stuff, no! It's thick and creamy!” Good Sean: “Stop it already!!!!” New paragraph!!!
It's completely normal to get excited over a great dish or restaurant. And I'm not saying that I'll never enjoy Casa Bonita again. But if and when that time ever comes, I'll enjoy it responsibly, in moderation. No raising of the flag for me! Part of this process is learning how to handle everyday food situations without going completely nuts. Recognizing a level of fullness that's satisfying not sickening, that's what it's all about. I guess I've been in denial about how much of a food addict I've been. And my overeating has never really been about stuffing myself, with me it's all about taste. I love the taste of things. When I tried Nutri-System nearly 18 years ago, they told me I had a “High Flavor Set-Point.” If that means I like things that taste really good, then I agree. I think that's why I've never been a salad person. There's not much tasty fat in a salad. Instead of a salad before dinner, I'll take cottage cheese please, and not the fat free kind, the 4% milk-fat kind. See? All about the flavor. And usually flavor means fat. Not always, but have you ever noticed on the cooking shows they sometimes say “leave a little fat in for flavor.” I honestly didn't realize how much I would have to dissect my “fat” thoughts and desires along the way. To truly learn, I have to first understand. Some might say I'm over-analyzing things, which is funny considering I'm all about “keeping it simple”, But understanding why I've been over 500 pounds for so long is a very important study. And it's sometimes the furthest thing from simple.
I've gone back and read some of the early days of this journey, and I noticed some spelling errors, just a few, but enough to drive me nuts. I also noticed some incorrect grammar that makes me crazy. I'm not perfect, I make grammatical errors like most, but I know the difference between two, to, and too. I almost started editing and correcting a few post, but I decided not to worry about that. If I leave an “o” off of a “to” that should have been a “too”, then you know I must have been typing fast and missed it. As long as nobody alerts Mrs. Cook from my high school English 2 class, we'll be ok. She was a tough one! She must have rubbed off a little, because I'm discovering some pretty nit-picking annoying stuff about myself! I go back to read and re-absorb my message, and all I'm thinking about is a few bad grammar moments and a couple of spelling mistakes. I'm going to allow myself to let it go. I don't care! I'm pretty sure I'm effective in communicating what I want to communicate and really that's all that matters. If I'm lucky enough to publish a book someday, the editors and proofreaders will certainly earn their money!
I just finished that pumpkin pie with Cool Whip. It sounds crazy, I'm writing a blog about my weight loss journey while eating pie! It was only 240 calories. It wasn't a bad thing! I had 300 left to use. I chose pie. Good choice? One small piece, yes. Still within my calorie limit? Yes. It's all good! Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Eating Pie and Losing Weight
As I write this evenings blog, I'm enjoying the very last piece of pumpkin pie in the house. We brought that leftover pie home a week ago! That's got to be a family record. Pumpkin Pie and Cool Whip is lucky to last two days around here, OK, around me. I think I'm also setting a record for time it takes to eat it...I've been at it for twenty minutes already and I still have half a piece! There's still some leftover pecan pie in there, but none of us can bring ourselves to spend that many calories. The leftover pecan will probably find it's way into the trash can soon. And that would be another record! First ever pecan pie thrown away in our household! Except for that rancid tasting one we bought last year, we tossed it that day, it was bad, pecan pie isn't suppose to taste like rotten fish. But throwing away perfectly good pecan pie? Never. I'm sure it will happen this time eventually, after all we're really upset with pecan pie for being so calorie laden. This piece of pumpkin with Cool Whip is so darn tasty and cold. I love cold pumpkin pie, and since I had 300 calories left, I figured why not use it on pie! And I still have 60 calories to spare!
I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. He was in Tulsa with his wife and son and they were just leaving Casa Bonita. I thought Casa Bonita was closed down forever, but no! They're back. And according to my friend, they've reclaimed the original atmosphere and quality they had thirty years ago. As soon as the words “Casa Bonita” left his lips, I was licking mine. Casa Bonita, when I was a kid, was the kind of restaurant you would gladly drive eighty miles to enjoy. It's a big mexican restaurant and the inside is like a little Mexican village. They even had a working waterfall and a roaming mariachi band. The décor was amazing, and the food, oh wow. I feel guilty just talking about it. The “deluxe” mexican dinner was a plate full of enchiladas, tamales, a taco, rice and beans. They would bring fresh chips, salsa, and queso to your table, and when you wanted more food, you just raised your flag. The evil Sean wanted to hear all the details from my friend. Evil Sean: “So, uh, do they have the warm fresh fried complimentary sopapias?” “they do? Oh wow, they were the best!” The good Sean had to intervene before I fueled up and drove two hours for a Mexican meltdown! So I changed the subject... Good Sean: “uh, I'm at the Y working out.” “Eye of the Tiger Sean, let's move!” “Stop asking questions about Casa Bonita, there ya go, it's gonna be alright.” Evil Sean: “And you would think the complimentary queso would be the cheap runny stuff, no! It's thick and creamy!” Good Sean: “Stop it already!!!!” New paragraph!!!
It's completely normal to get excited over a great dish or restaurant. And I'm not saying that I'll never enjoy Casa Bonita again. But if and when that time ever comes, I'll enjoy it responsibly, in moderation. No raising of the flag for me! Part of this process is learning how to handle everyday food situations without going completely nuts. Recognizing a level of fullness that's satisfying not sickening, that's what it's all about. I guess I've been in denial about how much of a food addict I've been. And my overeating has never really been about stuffing myself, with me it's all about taste. I love the taste of things. When I tried Nutri-System nearly 18 years ago, they told me I had a “High Flavor Set-Point.” If that means I like things that taste really good, then I agree. I think that's why I've never been a salad person. There's not much tasty fat in a salad. Instead of a salad before dinner, I'll take cottage cheese please, and not the fat free kind, the 4% milk-fat kind. See? All about the flavor. And usually flavor means fat. Not always, but have you ever noticed on the cooking shows they sometimes say “leave a little fat in for flavor.” I honestly didn't realize how much I would have to dissect my “fat” thoughts and desires along the way. To truly learn, I have to first understand. Some might say I'm over-analyzing things, which is funny considering I'm all about “keeping it simple”, But understanding why I've been over 500 pounds for so long is a very important study. And it's sometimes the furthest thing from simple.
I've gone back and read some of the early days of this journey, and I noticed some spelling errors, just a few, but enough to drive me nuts. I also noticed some incorrect grammar that makes me crazy. I'm not perfect, I make grammatical errors like most, but I know the difference between two, to, and too. I almost started editing and correcting a few post, but I decided not to worry about that. If I leave an “o” off of a “to” that should have been a “too”, then you know I must have been typing fast and missed it. As long as nobody alerts Mrs. Cook from my high school English 2 class, we'll be ok. She was a tough one! She must have rubbed off a little, because I'm discovering some pretty nit-picking annoying stuff about myself! I go back to read and re-absorb my message, and all I'm thinking about is a few bad grammar moments and a couple of spelling mistakes. I'm going to allow myself to let it go. I don't care! I'm pretty sure I'm effective in communicating what I want to communicate and really that's all that matters. If I'm lucky enough to publish a book someday, the editors and proofreaders will certainly earn their money!
I just finished that pumpkin pie with Cool Whip. It sounds crazy, I'm writing a blog about my weight loss journey while eating pie! It was only 240 calories. It wasn't a bad thing! I had 300 left to use. I chose pie. Good choice? One small piece, yes. Still within my calorie limit? Yes. It's all good! Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Day 80 Eye On The Future and Giant Jeans On The Wall
Day 80
Eye On The Future and Giant Jeans On The Wall
Thirty days ago I commented on how wonderful Day 50 looked, well Day 80 looks even better. It's hard to believe it's been 80 days since we started this journey. It's really gone by fast. Soon we'll hit 100! I enjoy communicating with you every night via this blog. It gives me a chance to reflect on the day and to evaluate my performance. Once again I had to re-schedule my appointment with the trainer at the Y. Some days our schedules get really crazy. Irene's schedule seems to change often, and now she's going in earlier than normal, which is good, because she gets home at a much better time, but we have to learn to adjust our early evening schedule to fit her new hours! I'll tell ya what, Courtney is blazing new trails at the YMCA, she did another four miles tonight. That girl is putting into high gear. It's really fun to watch her and Amber both as they discover clothes fitting a little more loose, the difference in the mirror, and how much better they feel. That's really the most important thing for Irene and me, getting those girls in the zone and keeping them there, our families future depends on it!
I've learned many things in the past 80 days. I've learned just how powerful food addiction can be. When I tell you about tough days and battling crazy urges and cravings, I mean it's downright horrible stuff! When feelings like that surface it's like a battle between good Sean and evil Sean. Talking myself out of bad choices is all a part of the learning process. I understand it more clearly today than I ever have. I've learned that over-confidence can sometimes blind me to learning new things. I've learned that no matter how bad you want someone to have success at the same time you're having it, if they're not ready, they're just not ready. All I can do is keep going and doing the best I can.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the future. And how the things we do and accomplish today drastically effects our future. It also works the other way...The things we don't do and we don't accomplish drastically effects our future. When I start adding up all of the positive life changing benefits of doing this, I'm amazed that it's taken me this long to come around. The mind is so powerful, it can hold us back forever, or it can set us free. But it will only set you free if you want freedom. Who doesn't want that? I mean, you have to fight for it every step of the way. One day at a time is all I can do, and sometimes that's really tough, because I'm kind of an impatient person. But I have to sit back and relax a little, I have to remind myself that my persistence plus time will equal an entirely better future for my whole family.
I'll tell ya what, I almost broke down today and made a pot of coffee. I haven't had a drip of coffee since I swore it off in this blog some time ago. Now I find myself thinking things like, “would decaf be OK”? I have to be honest, the green tea just isn't doing it for me. I may switch to regular hot tea. I didn't even make the green tea this morning. I guess I was having an internal fit of childishness “if I can't drink coffee, I don't want anything” type of attitude. If I could find a zero calorie creamer alternative, i would consider having decaf, but even the fat free variety is loaded. Ten calories a teaspoon doesn't sound like much, but when you're having two, three, sometimes four cups in a morning, and each cup has at least two or three or five teaspoons, that's some serious calories wasted! Like I've said many times before, I don't like to waste calories on liquids. If I do, it better be a juice of some sort, but I refuse to drink away hundreds of calories in pop and coffee creamer.
I'm quickly reaching the point that I'll have to buy some more jeans. I really wanted to wait a little longer. My jeans are baggy now, and as I've lost I've just tightened the belt to keep them up. But I have to say it's really becoming too baggy. I may have to get a couple new pair before Christmas, instead of at Christmas. I'll have to try them on, I have no idea what size I'll need. Oh, I have an idea I guess. At my top weight I needed size 60/30. Wow, that's horribly embarrassing to write. That's funny, I had no problem at all revealing my weight but somehow I'm embarrassed about my jean size. Well, I'd bet my bottom dollar that I can fit in a size 54/30. I say this because the jeans that I fit into back when I lost down to 385 in 2004, they are size 50/32...and I can get them on, just not buttoned. Not even laying down, believe me I tried. But at least I can pull them over my rump, right? It will not be long and they too will be to loose and baggy. Some might contend that loose and baggy is the fashion and style of the day, but I want the Levi's 501 Style I was grooving in the 80's. You dig? Cool. The only thing I hated about 501's was they always printed your waist size on the back sewed in tag. If you were a size 32, you wanted that thing to show, but if you were sportin' size 48 in 8th grade, you took a permanent black marker to those numbers as soon as you bought them. When I was a kid I remember going into Anthony's Clothing Store in Stillwater and seeing the biggest pair of jeans I'd ever laid eyes on. They had 'em tacked up to the wall like some kind of decoration. If I remember right, they were size seventy something, not too much bigger than my biggest. That's a little scary. I hope Irene will let me put up a pair on our bedroom wall to celebrate my loss and remind me of how far I've come. No wait! Better idea: A flag pole in the front yard flying a pair of my biggest jeans. What a reminder that would be! People could drive by and point, “Look at the giant jeans!” That would be hilarious. I might have my old jeans cut up and made into family jean jackets. That's not a bad idea either. I really don't know if I have enough jeans left to do that, because I usually wear them until they can't be worn anymore. Then I put them on and bust out of them like the Incredible Hulk. I'm easily entertained some times. Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Eye On The Future and Giant Jeans On The Wall
Thirty days ago I commented on how wonderful Day 50 looked, well Day 80 looks even better. It's hard to believe it's been 80 days since we started this journey. It's really gone by fast. Soon we'll hit 100! I enjoy communicating with you every night via this blog. It gives me a chance to reflect on the day and to evaluate my performance. Once again I had to re-schedule my appointment with the trainer at the Y. Some days our schedules get really crazy. Irene's schedule seems to change often, and now she's going in earlier than normal, which is good, because she gets home at a much better time, but we have to learn to adjust our early evening schedule to fit her new hours! I'll tell ya what, Courtney is blazing new trails at the YMCA, she did another four miles tonight. That girl is putting into high gear. It's really fun to watch her and Amber both as they discover clothes fitting a little more loose, the difference in the mirror, and how much better they feel. That's really the most important thing for Irene and me, getting those girls in the zone and keeping them there, our families future depends on it!
I've learned many things in the past 80 days. I've learned just how powerful food addiction can be. When I tell you about tough days and battling crazy urges and cravings, I mean it's downright horrible stuff! When feelings like that surface it's like a battle between good Sean and evil Sean. Talking myself out of bad choices is all a part of the learning process. I understand it more clearly today than I ever have. I've learned that over-confidence can sometimes blind me to learning new things. I've learned that no matter how bad you want someone to have success at the same time you're having it, if they're not ready, they're just not ready. All I can do is keep going and doing the best I can.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the future. And how the things we do and accomplish today drastically effects our future. It also works the other way...The things we don't do and we don't accomplish drastically effects our future. When I start adding up all of the positive life changing benefits of doing this, I'm amazed that it's taken me this long to come around. The mind is so powerful, it can hold us back forever, or it can set us free. But it will only set you free if you want freedom. Who doesn't want that? I mean, you have to fight for it every step of the way. One day at a time is all I can do, and sometimes that's really tough, because I'm kind of an impatient person. But I have to sit back and relax a little, I have to remind myself that my persistence plus time will equal an entirely better future for my whole family.
I'll tell ya what, I almost broke down today and made a pot of coffee. I haven't had a drip of coffee since I swore it off in this blog some time ago. Now I find myself thinking things like, “would decaf be OK”? I have to be honest, the green tea just isn't doing it for me. I may switch to regular hot tea. I didn't even make the green tea this morning. I guess I was having an internal fit of childishness “if I can't drink coffee, I don't want anything” type of attitude. If I could find a zero calorie creamer alternative, i would consider having decaf, but even the fat free variety is loaded. Ten calories a teaspoon doesn't sound like much, but when you're having two, three, sometimes four cups in a morning, and each cup has at least two or three or five teaspoons, that's some serious calories wasted! Like I've said many times before, I don't like to waste calories on liquids. If I do, it better be a juice of some sort, but I refuse to drink away hundreds of calories in pop and coffee creamer.
I'm quickly reaching the point that I'll have to buy some more jeans. I really wanted to wait a little longer. My jeans are baggy now, and as I've lost I've just tightened the belt to keep them up. But I have to say it's really becoming too baggy. I may have to get a couple new pair before Christmas, instead of at Christmas. I'll have to try them on, I have no idea what size I'll need. Oh, I have an idea I guess. At my top weight I needed size 60/30. Wow, that's horribly embarrassing to write. That's funny, I had no problem at all revealing my weight but somehow I'm embarrassed about my jean size. Well, I'd bet my bottom dollar that I can fit in a size 54/30. I say this because the jeans that I fit into back when I lost down to 385 in 2004, they are size 50/32...and I can get them on, just not buttoned. Not even laying down, believe me I tried. But at least I can pull them over my rump, right? It will not be long and they too will be to loose and baggy. Some might contend that loose and baggy is the fashion and style of the day, but I want the Levi's 501 Style I was grooving in the 80's. You dig? Cool. The only thing I hated about 501's was they always printed your waist size on the back sewed in tag. If you were a size 32, you wanted that thing to show, but if you were sportin' size 48 in 8th grade, you took a permanent black marker to those numbers as soon as you bought them. When I was a kid I remember going into Anthony's Clothing Store in Stillwater and seeing the biggest pair of jeans I'd ever laid eyes on. They had 'em tacked up to the wall like some kind of decoration. If I remember right, they were size seventy something, not too much bigger than my biggest. That's a little scary. I hope Irene will let me put up a pair on our bedroom wall to celebrate my loss and remind me of how far I've come. No wait! Better idea: A flag pole in the front yard flying a pair of my biggest jeans. What a reminder that would be! People could drive by and point, “Look at the giant jeans!” That would be hilarious. I might have my old jeans cut up and made into family jean jackets. That's not a bad idea either. I really don't know if I have enough jeans left to do that, because I usually wear them until they can't be worn anymore. Then I put them on and bust out of them like the Incredible Hulk. I'm easily entertained some times. Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Day 79 Freedom and Fat Jokes
Day 79
Freedom and Fat Jokes
Today was the kind of day that makes me say “this is easy!” Not one single crazy urge/craving hit me today. We went to the Y and had a great workout. I learned that you have to have an appointment for one on one time with a trainer, that makes complete sense. My appointment is scheduled for six p.m. Tomorrow evening. So instead of the weight training, I stuck with the treadmill and racquetball court. Irene was with us tonight and she worked hard, doing a 5K on the treadmill! That's not easy, and she was trekking right along at 4.0 mph! Courtney out did us both with the best workout she's ever had, over four miles on the elliptical. She credits her recently revived I-Pod with pushing her to go further. Music is a wonderful tool while working out. I'm hoping Santa brings me an mp3 player of some sort, not an I-Pod, just something cheap that plays music. I just hope that I can keep myself from singing with it on while I'm at the Y. I talked to Amber and she also credits a better workout to her newly revived I-Pod. So I think we've un-scientifically proven that listening to your favorite music can be a real booster while working out. I know, duh! I've talked about how important music is to me as a motivator, but I really don't listen to as much as I should. I know that might sound strange considering what I do for a living, but listening to music for pleasure and motivation? I don't do enough of that.
I'm so excited about getting to the new year. 2009 is going to be my best year ever because I'm going to make it that way! There's a good chance I'll hit my goal in late 2009, and even if it takes a little longer, that's OK. The differences I already feel will be continuously multiplied as each month passes. I feel like I've been set free. Free from the shortness of breath I always had at over 500 pounds, free from the pain of simply walking into a store, and free of the hopeless feeling that accompanied me during my most out of control eating days. That's really what this mission is all about, it's freedom from obesity and all of the horrible things that it involves.
It'll be interesting how this transformation will effect my stand-up. When I started doing stand-up ten years ago, about 95% of my act was dependent on my size. Over the years I slowly added “fat-free” material, but still to this day my standard set list contains at least 65% weight related material. At my last performance I tried to do just a few weight related bits, but I focused more on family stuff that had nothing to do with my weight. That felt good. For the longest time I wondered if I could make an audience laugh without being self-deprecating over my weight. What's funny is, I think back to the set that clinched my hiring at the Hollywood Improv, and 95% of it had nothing to do with my weight. The best parts of that set were news/topical items. You see, long gone are the days of Louie Anderson. Louie started his career with mostly fat jokes and it landed him straight onto the Tonight Show stage. If you do that today, or in 2003 when I was there, you wouldn't get a second look. I can count on one hand the number of overweight comics whose weight remains the main focus of their act. For me, it was a convenience thing, it was easy and very effective. The audiences loved it, the other comics didn't respect it, and all I cared about was making people laugh. So it worked very well for me. In reading this paragraph you would think I still do stand-up all the time, nope, only about two or three shows a year. I use to do more than that in a weekend! But I do miss it, and someday would like to rediscover it, and rediscover myself as a comic. I really believe being of normal weight would make me a much better comic. It'll be interesting to someday find out.
Thank you for the outpouring of support today after last night's blog. Your words of encouragement help tremendously. It helped turn today into a fantastic day! I kind of feel bad when I post something like yesterdays or Day 60's blog, but I have to be honest 100% with you. This blog's integrity must never be compromised. And in keeping it 100% real and honest, I have to report when I feel like eating a couple of large pizzas and a gallon of Coke. The point of this blog is to post the daily thoughts, emotions, philosophies, stories, and daily experiences that go along with losing a bunch of weight. And it isn't all happy fun-fun stuff. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's serious, sometimes it's just kind of boring. But it is what it is, a daily account along the journey of a lifetime. Wow, that was dramatic huh? Well, it is a journey of a lifetime! I'm going into Day 80 with complete confidence and determination. Thanks again for reading. Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Freedom and Fat Jokes
Today was the kind of day that makes me say “this is easy!” Not one single crazy urge/craving hit me today. We went to the Y and had a great workout. I learned that you have to have an appointment for one on one time with a trainer, that makes complete sense. My appointment is scheduled for six p.m. Tomorrow evening. So instead of the weight training, I stuck with the treadmill and racquetball court. Irene was with us tonight and she worked hard, doing a 5K on the treadmill! That's not easy, and she was trekking right along at 4.0 mph! Courtney out did us both with the best workout she's ever had, over four miles on the elliptical. She credits her recently revived I-Pod with pushing her to go further. Music is a wonderful tool while working out. I'm hoping Santa brings me an mp3 player of some sort, not an I-Pod, just something cheap that plays music. I just hope that I can keep myself from singing with it on while I'm at the Y. I talked to Amber and she also credits a better workout to her newly revived I-Pod. So I think we've un-scientifically proven that listening to your favorite music can be a real booster while working out. I know, duh! I've talked about how important music is to me as a motivator, but I really don't listen to as much as I should. I know that might sound strange considering what I do for a living, but listening to music for pleasure and motivation? I don't do enough of that.
I'm so excited about getting to the new year. 2009 is going to be my best year ever because I'm going to make it that way! There's a good chance I'll hit my goal in late 2009, and even if it takes a little longer, that's OK. The differences I already feel will be continuously multiplied as each month passes. I feel like I've been set free. Free from the shortness of breath I always had at over 500 pounds, free from the pain of simply walking into a store, and free of the hopeless feeling that accompanied me during my most out of control eating days. That's really what this mission is all about, it's freedom from obesity and all of the horrible things that it involves.
It'll be interesting how this transformation will effect my stand-up. When I started doing stand-up ten years ago, about 95% of my act was dependent on my size. Over the years I slowly added “fat-free” material, but still to this day my standard set list contains at least 65% weight related material. At my last performance I tried to do just a few weight related bits, but I focused more on family stuff that had nothing to do with my weight. That felt good. For the longest time I wondered if I could make an audience laugh without being self-deprecating over my weight. What's funny is, I think back to the set that clinched my hiring at the Hollywood Improv, and 95% of it had nothing to do with my weight. The best parts of that set were news/topical items. You see, long gone are the days of Louie Anderson. Louie started his career with mostly fat jokes and it landed him straight onto the Tonight Show stage. If you do that today, or in 2003 when I was there, you wouldn't get a second look. I can count on one hand the number of overweight comics whose weight remains the main focus of their act. For me, it was a convenience thing, it was easy and very effective. The audiences loved it, the other comics didn't respect it, and all I cared about was making people laugh. So it worked very well for me. In reading this paragraph you would think I still do stand-up all the time, nope, only about two or three shows a year. I use to do more than that in a weekend! But I do miss it, and someday would like to rediscover it, and rediscover myself as a comic. I really believe being of normal weight would make me a much better comic. It'll be interesting to someday find out.
Thank you for the outpouring of support today after last night's blog. Your words of encouragement help tremendously. It helped turn today into a fantastic day! I kind of feel bad when I post something like yesterdays or Day 60's blog, but I have to be honest 100% with you. This blog's integrity must never be compromised. And in keeping it 100% real and honest, I have to report when I feel like eating a couple of large pizzas and a gallon of Coke. The point of this blog is to post the daily thoughts, emotions, philosophies, stories, and daily experiences that go along with losing a bunch of weight. And it isn't all happy fun-fun stuff. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's serious, sometimes it's just kind of boring. But it is what it is, a daily account along the journey of a lifetime. Wow, that was dramatic huh? Well, it is a journey of a lifetime! I'm going into Day 80 with complete confidence and determination. Thanks again for reading. Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Monday, December 1, 2008
Day 78 Not Perfect and That's OK
Day 78
Not Perfect and That's OK
This has been a crazy day. Some days are so easy and then for no apparent reason I have a day like today. I've battled my will all day long. Then we took a nap at 3:30 with plans to get into the YMCA by 4:30 so I could get assistance with the machines and we ended up over-sleeping. After dinner I started getting sick to my stomach and a headache. So there ya go, a really challenging day, out of the blue without any obvious reason. I've had every last single calorie I can have today already and it's been a real struggle to not go over. I'm really going to have a long talk with myself before I go to sleep tonight. This is day 78, we've come too far to start having self-destructive urges. I wish I understood why? Usually there's some kind of stress trigger or emotion that I can pinpoint, but not today. I've been through these trying days before (see Day 60) and I've survived by focusing on getting to the next day intact. I just need to survive a couple more hours and I'll be in bed ready to put this day behind me. I am pretty upset about not working out, and now that I'm feeling sick and Courtney's not feeling well, we'll probably miss our workout tonight. That's not the worst thing in the world. We've missed some in the past, but it's certainly not an everyday thing. Considering the circumstances, I'm not going to feel too bad about not getting out there tonight. As long as I can get to bed without going over my calories, I'll count this day as a victory. I've learned that no matter how determined and strong willed I am on this mission, I mustn't try to be so darn perfect all the time. I'm way far from being perfect. I'm doing the best I can do and on 97% of the days that means I stay within my 1500 calories and I exercise. It's days like these, the days that test me, these are the days I'll remember most when I reach my goal. The near misses, near breakdowns, the unexplained absence of will power in critical situations, and overcoming them all, these are the victories that mean the most. I can and will do this all the way.
Sometimes the person that needs to read my past blog post the most is me. Before I ever experienced a tough day I wrote about how easy this was. In the right mindset it can really be a breeze, but like I've said before, this is a learning process. I've never claimed to know everything, all I have is my vast experience in being severely overweight my entire adult life and trying many times to lose weight. This is like weight loss school and every now and then there's a pop quiz that totally boggles me. I've studied my past behavior patterns, I've re-played failed attempts in my head, I've studied every label and calorie count I come across, and I'm still learning something new all the time. All I have to do is keep doing what I've been doing, stay strong and focused, and every thing will be alright, alright!
I'll tell you one thing, it's days like today when this blog really keeps me from a self-destructive binge. The accountability that this blog demands is very important to my mission. I've said it before, it's like therapy for me. I can't imagine not writing every night. A lot of times these blogs flow easy, some times it's harder, as I search for words to describe what I'm feeling and experiencing. The support that I receive everyday from my wife and kids, readers like you, and people that I run into that notice the difference in my appearance is incredible. That support is the most important resource I have along the way. The blog is like a back up re-enforcement. I sincerely appreciate you reading everyday. Thank you very much. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will learn how to do the machines properly at the Y, tomorrow I will erase any doubts that this day presented, tomorrow is day 79, and I'm ready. Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Not Perfect and That's OK
This has been a crazy day. Some days are so easy and then for no apparent reason I have a day like today. I've battled my will all day long. Then we took a nap at 3:30 with plans to get into the YMCA by 4:30 so I could get assistance with the machines and we ended up over-sleeping. After dinner I started getting sick to my stomach and a headache. So there ya go, a really challenging day, out of the blue without any obvious reason. I've had every last single calorie I can have today already and it's been a real struggle to not go over. I'm really going to have a long talk with myself before I go to sleep tonight. This is day 78, we've come too far to start having self-destructive urges. I wish I understood why? Usually there's some kind of stress trigger or emotion that I can pinpoint, but not today. I've been through these trying days before (see Day 60) and I've survived by focusing on getting to the next day intact. I just need to survive a couple more hours and I'll be in bed ready to put this day behind me. I am pretty upset about not working out, and now that I'm feeling sick and Courtney's not feeling well, we'll probably miss our workout tonight. That's not the worst thing in the world. We've missed some in the past, but it's certainly not an everyday thing. Considering the circumstances, I'm not going to feel too bad about not getting out there tonight. As long as I can get to bed without going over my calories, I'll count this day as a victory. I've learned that no matter how determined and strong willed I am on this mission, I mustn't try to be so darn perfect all the time. I'm way far from being perfect. I'm doing the best I can do and on 97% of the days that means I stay within my 1500 calories and I exercise. It's days like these, the days that test me, these are the days I'll remember most when I reach my goal. The near misses, near breakdowns, the unexplained absence of will power in critical situations, and overcoming them all, these are the victories that mean the most. I can and will do this all the way.
Sometimes the person that needs to read my past blog post the most is me. Before I ever experienced a tough day I wrote about how easy this was. In the right mindset it can really be a breeze, but like I've said before, this is a learning process. I've never claimed to know everything, all I have is my vast experience in being severely overweight my entire adult life and trying many times to lose weight. This is like weight loss school and every now and then there's a pop quiz that totally boggles me. I've studied my past behavior patterns, I've re-played failed attempts in my head, I've studied every label and calorie count I come across, and I'm still learning something new all the time. All I have to do is keep doing what I've been doing, stay strong and focused, and every thing will be alright, alright!
I'll tell you one thing, it's days like today when this blog really keeps me from a self-destructive binge. The accountability that this blog demands is very important to my mission. I've said it before, it's like therapy for me. I can't imagine not writing every night. A lot of times these blogs flow easy, some times it's harder, as I search for words to describe what I'm feeling and experiencing. The support that I receive everyday from my wife and kids, readers like you, and people that I run into that notice the difference in my appearance is incredible. That support is the most important resource I have along the way. The blog is like a back up re-enforcement. I sincerely appreciate you reading everyday. Thank you very much. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will learn how to do the machines properly at the Y, tomorrow I will erase any doubts that this day presented, tomorrow is day 79, and I'm ready. Good night and...
Good Choices,
Sean
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