Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Day 548 Two Breakfasts and No More Ulcer Pain

Day 548

Two Breakfasts and No More Ulcer Pain

I’m going to buy a bike and a jump rope. Those were two of my earliest thoughts this morning. I’ve been talking about the bike for sometime. I had a jump rope at one time, but it’s one of the things that ended up in Irene’s stuff. No big deal…seven bucks and I’m back in the jump rope business. I have to set a time limit for the acquisition of these items, or I’ll just keep saying “I’m gonna get me one of those.” The bike—by the end of the month. The jump rope---by the end of the week. There…it’s decided.

You know tomorrow is weigh day again, and If I don’t like the numbers, I have no one to blame but me and my casual workout performances. What happened to finishing strong? And by finish, I mean---getting to where I want to be. If you’re a regular reader you must be nauseous from hearing about this by now. But seriously---No beating myself up. Just know---Sean is great on food and the mental understandings involved in overcoming his food addiction, but Sean is sometimes really lazy when it comes time to lace up and get after it! Sean needs to suck it up and get busy. And Sean needs to stop referring to himself in third person.

I enjoyed a two whole egg breakfast pita with a ½ ounce of swiss cheese. It was wonderful, filling, and 250 calories. I also enjoyed a banana---taking my morning food calories to 350. I was set and ready to cruise to mid-morning before enjoying some apple slices. And then a wonderful guest came bearing gifts! Kat Long was a special guest on my show this morning. She is with the Ponca City Development Authority and is promoting Census 2010. Kat is really into good wholesome foods. She brought me a jar of fresh raw milk, straight from the cow and a container of real butter. Real butter. Plus a wholesome homemade cookie and a special fresh fruit and avocado smoothie she made in her own kitchen. It was all really good stuff. I had already enjoyed breakfast, but today I would enjoy two breakfasts. I drank the smoothie and enjoyed the cookie with about a quarter cup of the milk. I had just enough to enjoy that amazingly fresh, straight-from-the-cow taste. It was absolutely incredible. I was doing my best at calculating the calories while asking Kat about the ingredients…I guessed too low. After readjusting the count, we agreed that I had consumed approximately 300 calories during my show. But it was good stuff. And the one thing I’ve learned about really good stuff is this: It typically has more calories.

It’s a trade, not a bad thing, just a trade. Better ingredients, nothing artificial, good for your body stuff---and you add a little more calories. Kat knows I’m interested in my ever-evolving good choices, she reads here everyday, and I sincerely appreciated her wonderful gifts! Thank you Kat!

I recently talked all about the mental aspects of losing weight. Today I read Day 183 and once again the mental aspects of this journey were front and center. From March 16th, 2009:

I'm feeling very upbeat these days. It seems no matter what is thrown my way, it doesn't shake my resolve to become what I desire and arrive exactly where I'm headed. That's a key difference between this journey and past attempts. In the past I would allow the slightest tilt of my “comfort zone” to throw me completely off track. It's a nice place to be. Basically, it's like I've finally figured out how to separate my emotions from my actions. I always permitted my emotions to completely control me. Turning to food for comfort was always the easiest thing. Often times, Ok, more like every time something didn't go like I wanted, or I had a bad day, or I was upset about anything at all...I'd use it as an excuse to cut loose and devour as much food as I could.

And it wasn't exclusive to negative emotions. When I would experience positive emotions, I'd celebrate, or enhance my good mood with plenty of food and couch time. This pattern of excess no matter the emotions is what led to my weight soaring to over 500 pounds. Reversing this life long pattern and instinct has been a real-life exercise in better understanding of my personal psychology. I look at food very differently now. Where before I could quit and go back to my old eating habits at the drop of a hat, I honestly don't think I could now. If you told me I had to eat a quarter gallon of Blue Bell, as crazy as this might sound coming from me, I seriously don't think I could make myself. I haven't “stuffed” myself in 183 days and you know what? I don't miss it and I haven't the slightest desire for it. I'm rarely hungry, if at all it's first thing in the morning. One thing I've noticed, I haven't had an ulcer attack at all in the last six months. Before, when I'd get stressed, I'd eat of course, and not just a little, a bunch. The combination of stress and being stuffed would occasionally cause me to be up most of the night with my stomach burning like fire and me throwing up until my throat was raked with stomach acid and I could barely talk, not good for someone who talks for a living. Needless to say, I missed many a morning show because of my ulcer attacks. I think it's strange I haven't had one since I started this journey, because there's still stress in my life, I've just cut out the excessive eating and now I actually exercise on purpose.

It's amazing what pain will make us promise ourselves. I can remember being in the middle of an attack with my mid section burning and my throat raw from throwing up, and my lips crusty from chugging Maalox, and saying out loud--- “this is it, I'm done, I'm losing this weight, I never want to feel this way again!” But then the pain would go away right along with my promise to change. The next day I'd act like it never happened. I'm sure my employer has noticed I haven't used as many sick days as I did before starting this journey.

Update: Make that 548 days without an ulcer attack! I fully understand that different people have different stomach ulcers, but for me---just eating reduced portions was enough to rid me of these painful episodes. The stress still exist in my life---now more than ever, but still---ulcer pain free. Joy!

Tomorrow is weigh day. I don’t know what I’ll find waiting for me on the scale, but whatever it is---I’ll be thrilled. I’ll tell you what I’d love to see… 259! Yeah---I’d give anything to finally be done with the 260’s. Oh wait---I have the power to give the effort in my workouts that can help get me there…so, uh…yeah. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. I’m going to use some of that fresh raw milk in my steel cut oats tomorrow morning, just a little bit…just enough.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,


  1. Big Clyde agrees with the third person comment!

    Looking forward to good results from you tomorrow, Sean.


  2. Yes, good, real and whole foods may carry a higher calorie count. But what we find is that they satisfy us longer and keep hunger and binges far away. Nobody ever felt full eating fake no-fat cheese/Entremann's/"butter" or mayonnaise. But use a smaller amount of butter, or eat a smaller portion of real bread? The satiety level is reached and held much longer and your body doesn't seek to eat more as it searches for the real food. The body isn't duped by the fake stuff.

  3. When speaking in the third person, you should refer to yourself as Sean Cruz. (misspelled intentionally). Drinking raw milk? Not interested. Good luck on weigh day today. I hope it's goodbye to the 260's forever for you.

  4. Raw milk...something I've been wondering about (it is available local to me) how did it taste? thick like motor oil...was it still warm or cold?
    Congrats on setting dates for your jump rope and bike. I love my bike - best piece of exercise equipment I've bought!

  5. Awe, that is great news on NO pain! Ulcers are miserable, whatever the cause, and finding a non-surgical fix is wonderful.

    I am also right there with you on food and exercise - food? I do great, it's under control and I am happy. But as much as I LOVE exercising, it can be hard to get off my rear and do it sometimes, and that annoys me because once I begin I am always so glad I did.

    With that, off to the stationary bike for me!

  6. Ulcer pain is a rarity for me now too :) Love you Sean :)

  7. Good luck getting out of the 260s!

    I think it's great you took the opportunity to enjoy some really delicious food, and you kept it in perspective. Your relationship with food is obviously much healthier now.

  8. Good food- more calories? Not my definition of good food. Good food does cost more but IMO it's worth it. Organic milk is so much better than regular and I just drink skim. Good luck on the weigh-in; funny how much those numbers mean to us!

  9. Hi Sean,

    I'm not sure I've ever commented before, but I read you all the time. I've hit a place in my journey where I need to ratchet up my efforts in all ways, including commenting on more blogs and availing myself of the broader scope of hope and inspiration in the weightloss blogging community. Your progress has been incredible, and you are so positive and encouraging of other bloggers, I decided it was time to get me some!!

    It's great you're at a place that you can avail yourself of the wonderful "extra" breakfast your guest provided. That kind of spontaneity would send me down the garden path to bingeing, I fear. But maybe someday!! Thanks for your amazing blog.

  10. I would love to find out about raw milk sources in the Ponca City area.


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