Showing posts with label abstinence from sugar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abstinence from sugar. Show all posts

Thursday, November 6, 2014

November 6th, 2014 It Isn't Willpower

November 6th, 2014 It Isn't Willpower

After reading about the big bunch of sweets delivered to our studio earlier this week, a colleague commented, "I don't know how you maintain such strong willpower." I didn't have time to properly explain to her, how this isn't about willpower. Because the truth is, I rarely use willpower.

Willpower is exercised when we're desperately trying to avoid something we truly want and crave. We will ourselves against it in whatever way we can, but we still want it, horribly so. 

When I step back and look at all the good giving up sugar has given me, the sweets lose their appeal. When I focus on the clarity and peace of mind I'm experiencing, I wouldn't trade it for all the pecan pie in the world. So, with this perspective firmly in focus...

The sweets just do not have the same attraction as when I was under the influence and blindly living in denial of my own addiction. Back then, I was convinced I could handle moderation for all things. Now that the opposite has been confirmed so strongly, the allure just isn't there. I look at a cookie and I don't see the ingredients of a delicious recipe. I look at a cookie and I see the ingredients for chaos and havoc in my life. One bite and it's all over, until I can somehow, by the grace of God, find recovery again. Looking at sugar in this way, makes it one of the most unappealing things to me. It took finally embracing my own truth to get to this place. Once I believed, embraced and started living it, this change in perspective was like flipping a switch.

This doesn't mean I'm beyond relapse. Not at all. I'm still very susceptible to the same struggles I've faced countless times before. I'm never "in the clear," so to speak. This is why I must give the things I consistently do each day an incredible amount of consideration and importance level. I must always remain on guard and be willing to step outside of my "affected self," and call it like it is. And that can be the toughest thing along this road--the getting real part, the self-honesty. It is clearly the most important element.

I've written about it before--and it's so true: I really wanted to be someone who could eat "just one bite." But that was someone else's normal, not mine. My good friend and weight loss support group conference call partner, Life Coach Gerri Helms, recently posted a wonderful blog page all about the "just one bite" dynamic. You can read it here: http://lifecoachgerri.com/2014/11/05/coaching-from-the-coach-interfering-with-intuition/

My Tweets today:














Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

September 17th, 2014 The Pull-Over Dynamic

September 17th, 2014 The Pull-Over Dynamic

I never wear pull-over shirts. I haven't since I was a young kid. I'm convinced I was one of the founding originators of the fashion trend of wearing a t-shirt with a button down shirt unbuttoned, over. I was doing that in junior high and high school. I didn't do it because I thought it was a cool way to dress. I did it because I somehow convinced my brain that it made me look smaller and concealed my extra chest fat.

I've been given several pull-overs through the years from employers and from special events I've helped promote--and I never wear them. I usually give them away to someone who will wear them--but it's never me.

I'm working with a limited wardrobe these days because I refuse to go out and buy a big bunch of clothing that'll be too big in a months time (or less). As I was getting dressed this morning, I realized that my big blue "outer shirt" needs to be donated very soon. It's become ridiculously big. Okay--that doesn't make sense. It's the same size it was when I bought it--I've lost a lot of weight since then and now it looks crazy big on me. It's the shirt I was wearing on stage at the music festival a few weeks ago.

That leaves me one "outer shirt" that somewhat fits, but is still slightly big on me. So now what? Should I break down and buy a few things? Or raid my closet to sort through and find some things that might work? I chose to dive into my closet.

I found a brand new, never worn, pullover given to me by my employer with our community website logo sewn onto the left breast area. It's a very nice shirt. I tried it on a few months ago when it was originally gifted and it was way too tight. This morning, it was perfect. And even though I've had this hangup my entire adult life, I was able to let it go, be okay--and just be me. It fit and it looked exactly like it should. I received a few compliments on it too, because wearing it really showcases the dramatic weight loss of the last five months.

Being "okay" is new to me. It doesn't scare me and I'm not running the other way or dealing with it by eating. I'm okay!! I'm taking a deep breath and relaxing my defensive stance against the misaligned, highly imaginative creations of my brain that try to tell me otherwise. In doing this--these thoughts have lost their power over me. I'm not just pretending to be okay anymore, I'm really, genuinely--authentically, okay! And that's an amazing transformation of perspective.

I had a phenomenal food day. Wow. I loved every bit of it, every bite! I can't express how much of a difference it makes to take the time to plan and prepare good food. I made extra and shared with my fellow colleagues today at lunch. It was a wonderful opportunity to discuss what I'm doing and it was a natural conversation fueled by their questions and appreciation for the lunch! It was my pleasure.

The Twitter feed I maintain with everything photographed and counted has had a tremendously positive impact on me. It has slowed me down just enough to think about what I'm eating, how much I'm eating and if the lighting is right for the photo. I take pride in my choices. I take pride in my food diary on MyFitnessPal too and it all adds up to a very positive food experience.

I do not, in any way, shape or form, feel deprived, left out or cheated. I eat what I love and nothing I don't. Before going abstinent from sugar, I couldn't imagine being able to make such a grand commitment. But I'll tell you, without hesitation or asterisk--It is, hands down--the single most important food decision I've ever made.

Giving up sugar has truly helped change my life for the better. It certainly isn't for everybody--and isn't necessary for a lot of people, but folks like me who have addictive reactions to certain foods and substances, stopping the substance--stops the craziness. It's a beautiful thing and I wouldn't trade the peace it's given me for all the sugary treats in the world.

My workout on the elliptical this evening was fantastic. I'm "hearing" my girlfriend Heather's voice in my ears telling me I can do more and I deserve more and better. The two of us only get a chance to exercise together once a week at best, but her ability to coach and encourage in the most positive way has stayed with me when we're not together.

I may go out and buy some new shirts after-all. Yeah, some pull-overs. I love the way this feels.

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your incredible support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, August 8, 2014

August 8th, 2014 Just One Bite

August 8th, 2014 Just One Bite

I was offered "just a bite" of something sugar laden three times this week. It didn't phase me in the least, I just smile and say "I don't eat sugar." Not "I can't have sugar," because clearly I can. I choose to NOT eat sugar because after forty-two years of research, I've concluded that it activates a reactive addiction cycle within me. One of the offerings came with "Oh, come on, a little tiny bite won't kill you!" Another was "It's not big enough to hurt you!" I don't blame these people, it's fine--I get it. It's interesting to me that I'm the one most at peace with giving up sugar, while some around me seem slightly perplexed and in a way, sympathetic. "Oh, that's right, I'm sorry...how are you doing with that?" Like it's a huge burden on me. It isn't at all. 

It's easily one of the greatest food experiences of my life. To be released from the constant urges to binge, where I felt possessed, has been nothing short of a miracle. Remember--I'm the man who would fantasize about his upcoming late night binge while driving to a big dinner at a friend's house. Or, after telling myself I had to stop the three or four times a week giant ice cream shake habit that not another soul knew about, I'm the same guy that would then put on his shoes at 10:25 pm and drive like a maniac to make it into the drive through by 10:30 pm for another "fix," not because I necessarily wanted to do it--I felt compelled to do it, driven to do it. I was scared out of my mind because I was doing it. In the middle of that fierce addictive cycle, I feared I was too lost to ever make it back.

Richard Pryor was once asked if he could ever imagine getting his addictions under control, to which he replied, "I got the demon." And although the addictive substances are drastically different, I understand what he meant, completely.

We would never ask an alcoholic in recovery to take a sip of vodka because "a tiny bit won't kill you." And if we did, the recovering alcoholic would likely disagree with that statement.

I have traded the terrifying chaos for peace and sacrificing my peace for a piece of anything full of sugar, isn't worth the trade, ever.

It will happen again, the offers, just like the three times this week and it's perfectly okay. Unless someone has lived these dynamics, it's nearly impossible for them to grasp the magnitude of "just one bite" for someone like me. I don't have any issues with someone encouraging me to indulge. I'll continue smiling and simply saying, "I don't eat sugar."

The fact that I am here, doing what I do and doing better than I ever have, is nothing short of a miracle from above. I'm immensely grateful. 

My planned workout tonight was a nice combination of elliptical and swimming. I hit the elliptical hard for 30 minutes then took to the deep end of the family pool because the Y closes the lap pool at 7pm on Friday. It wasn't as good of a workout as I get in the lap pool, but it was still good. Instead of swimming various strokes, I did several different aerobic movements in my corner of the pool. At some point I'll stop mentioning the following--but for now it's too fresh to not: No anxiety, no hesitation, no worries about what anyone thinks, stood alongside the pool in a bathing suit, without a shirt as I prepared to deal with the initial "cold dip" and everything was fine...in fact, it was better than fine. It was beautiful. I swam three times this week and it felt INCREDIBLE. The transformation of perspective is one of the biggest along this road.

In an effort to bump up my calories in consideration of calories burned, I've added some nutritionally dense foods. This is the compromise I'm making with the part of my brain that resists adding calories for fear of gaining. Adding the extra calories is giving my metabolism what it needs to properly work and if the metabolism is working properly and the body is getting what it needs, I'll continue losing weight. The deal is simple: I'll break my 1700 calorie bank, but only with the most nutritious foods. I've added some Shakeology, as you'll see in the tweet below. After burning 888 calories today, my 288 calorie vanilla-banana-all natural peanut butter smoothie #lastfoodofday still didn't bring me to 1200 net calories. I ended the food day at 1,904 calories and 1,016 net calories after calories burned. It takes some careful planning, for sure.

Also, I'd like to make extra sure that MyFitnesPal is calculating calories burned accurately. The app considers my height and weight, so it should be close. In an effort to "check" it, I'm borrowing a monitor from a dear friend. It will give me an accurate reading for comparison to the MFP numbers.

You'll find something missing from my meal Tweets today. Be one of the first three to correctly identify what's missing and you'll win an MP3 audio version disk of my book Transformation Road-My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back. Good luck!

Meal Tweets:








What's missing in today's food tweets? Be one of the first three to answer correctly and you'll win! Good luck!

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, July 18, 2014

July 18th, 2014 Off The Merry-Go-Round

July 18th, 2014 Off The Merry-Go-Round

I sat down for lunch right next to the box of donuts someone brought to work. They were left on the table for anyone to grab for a quick sugar fix. I didn't. Not only did I not, I sat there enjoying my lunch without the slightest compulsion in the direction of the donuts. After lunch, I contemplated a good question: What keeps me from indulging the most? Is it my abstinence from sugar, keeping the addictive pleasure sensors in check? Or is it the accountability and support system I have in place? Or is it a combination of both? 

All I know is, it was a short four or five months ago when a similar box of donuts was left on the table and I patiently waited for everyone to leave the studios before privately stuffing two of them into my face. But today, not even an inkling, not the slightest itch? It was as if the box didn't even exist. The donuts no longer possessed a power over me. I wasn't looking for the pleasure they provide, instead I was focused on the pleasure I get when I'm remaining true to myself and taking extraordinary care. There isn't any deprivation or feelings of deprivation in my food plan. I eat well. I also know the truth about the pleasure of donuts for me...

It's a very temporary pleasure to partake, requiring a temporary suspension of all things important to me in exchange for a few sugary moments. Then, when the temporary suspension is over, the pleasure is replaced by a flood of negative emotions and self-abusive thoughts about what just took place. At the same time the negative emotions are taking hold, the bio-chemical reactions created by the ingestion of sugar are screaming: "Must have more and more!!" And since this reaction is coming in the moments I'm feeling horrible about myself, my defenses are considerably weakened or non-existent. The quickest (and most temporary) way to feel better in this situation is to follow the brain's command and eat more donuts...and the cycle repeats itself over and over. 

I'm off the merry-go-round. I've jumped off the cycle. I've given up on insanity. I no longer expect a different result, because I know what happens next, without fail, if I make that choice. So what keeps me? I think it's a combination of both, my abstinence from sugar and my support/accountability system. These two things are critical elements of my recovery and they must be embraced forever with the highest importance level.

I left the studio shortly after 4pm and headed straight for the YMCA for a solid elliptical workout. I had just enough time to workout, race home, shower, change and pick up some friends for the big Boston concert tonight. I thought about preparing a dinner to go, but I didn't allow enough time. Instead, I decided to go to the concert "without a net," fully trusting my instincts in selecting a good dinner from the unknown offerings available at the venue. I decided that if I couldn't find anything acceptable, then I would just need to wait for dinner until I got home.

After a quick scan of the menu, I quickly concluded there was only one choice for me: The sirloin steak. I asked the server to skip the bread, potato and seasonal veggies (the veggies at this venue are not very appealing to me)--instead I wanted cottage cheese and fruit with my steak. I also requested the steak be grilled without brushes of butter or other fat, a technique many restaurants employ. The server assured me the steak was 10 ounces. I cut it in half, kept one and gave the other half away to the person sitting next to me. I don't keep cottage cheese at home because of my track record of routinely eating the entire container in one or two sittings, so this was an opportunity to enjoy a favorite food in a controlled portion.

My ex-wife Irene, her steady Alen, my daughter Amber and her boyfriend KL also made it to the Boston concert. I'm so glad they all came up together for the show. I'm telling you, it's wonderful to have such a good relationship post-divorce. There's a lot of mutual love, respect and genuine happiness for one another.

The concert was amazing. Free concert tickets is a wonderful perk of my broadcasting career! If you get a chance to see Boston on their "Heaven On Earth" tour, I highly recommend! I was also very happy that everyone riding with me agreed to leave shortly after, because that's exactly what I preferred. I dropped off my passengers and made my way to the store for a few items, then home for a late night #lastfoodofday snack and some alone-time reflection on another successful day.

My meal Tweets today:






Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, July 12, 2014

July 12th, 2014 Something Dramatic Changed

July 12th, 2014 Something Dramatic Changed

Planning, preparing and packing served me well today. I had a midday location broadcast until 2pm, so I made sure to pack a good lunch. It was an interesting broadcast day.

First, Ruth, A longtime listener stopped by the broadcast to register for the concert tickets we were giving away. She recalled taking my picture at an annual station event called Ladies Night Out. I was wearing a nice tuxedo in the October 2010 photo (same as the picture located on the left hand side bar of this blog). I don't think I've seen her since that night. Normally, I would have felt embarrassed at having an obvious weight gain in front of someone, anyone who hasn't laid eyes on me since my days around 230 pounds, but I didn't at all. We chatted for a few minutes, talked about her upcoming retirement, her sons pending nuptials and of course, we talked about weight loss, briefly. I mentioned how wonderful I feel now and how confident I am to once again be moving in the direction toward my healthiest weight.

Running into this regular listener brought back wonderful memories of how good it felt wearing that tuxedo at 232 pounds. I'll be honest, as good as it felt, it still wasn't as good as I feel today. That might sound strange considering I'm a little over 100 pounds from wearing that size tuxedo again, but it isn't strange to me. As soon as I started embracing the positive attributes and qualities in me and I stopped attaching my identity and self worth to a number on a scale or the size of my pants--something dramatic changed. And the perspective was shifted in an instant.

I love me regardless of my size. As I once again head toward my healthiest weight, I do it with the certainty of my self-worth and identity in tact the entire way. It's not something that magically appears when I reach a certain weight or fit into a sharp looking tuxedo.  My self worth and identity doesn't improve with weight loss and it doesn't diminish with weight gain. Keeping my focus and perspective in this most wonderful place has provided instant relief from any possible negative feelings developing in front of people I haven't seen in a long time. This is big-time growth for me. By the way, Ruth ended up having her entry drawn from the prize boot for a pair of concert tickets!

I was also visited by a doctor (not my regular doctor) during my broadcast. I've known this doctor for a few years and he's been supportive of what I do to a certain extent (although I know he doesn't "get me" completely.) Lately, he's losing weight too and feeling great. Good for him! I'm happy for his success! But this is where my enthusiasm stops. You see, he's turning what works for him into big business and he's been after me to join him in this effort. He knows full well I've avoided his calls and texts purposely because I'm not interested in touting the latest and "greatest" diet or whatever he's doing. He started laying on the pressure today for me to jump on board with his plan. For one, I was working, in the middle of a broadcast!!! I don't walk into his practice while he's with a patient and force feed him Joseph's Pitas and the latest pictures from my Twitter feed.

It was the wrong time, wrong place, wrong approach and wrong attitude! I said, "Look, I'm very happy doing what I do and I'm doing very well. I don't have time, nor do I want to consider doing what you're doing because what I'm doing is working for me." I was uncharacteristically direct, because this guy doesn't seem to understand subtle. Then, perhaps as a defense I suppose, I mentioned the time I invest in me--taking extraordinary care, eating better, exercising regularly and maintaining this blog and twitter feed on a daily basis. And that's when he said something that instantly turned me off. 

He came back with: (in reference to this blog) "How much money is that making you??" He's very lucky I'm a nice guy and I have peace of mind in my own certainty. He's also lucky that I have the ability to be compassionate toward his disturbingly affected perspective. In other words, I didn't take this exchange personally, it was all him. Still, he instantly lost my respect and attention. How much money do I make from my blog? What an enormously disrespectful question. I don't make money directly from this blog. What I do "make" is far more valuable than money. I'm making a life, helping myself and often times to my surprise and delight, helping others along the way. I'm "paid" handsomely in the form of clarity, perspective and tremendous support from all over the world. So, Doctor, if you're reading this, make a point to remember: I'm not interested in your "magic" weight loss remedy or becoming some kind of spokesperson and testimonial for your weight loss business. I wish you continued success and good health, but seriously--save yourself some time and energy and lose my number. 

I spent the evening with a friend I haven't seen in a very long time. We enjoyed  an awesome dinner and fantastic conversation. It was also a wonderful opportunity to try lamb chops for the first time. The meal was a little "pricey" in the calorie department, but in hindsight I could have pared it down quite easily. We dined on a very good meal and afterward I had a chance to try Shakeology for the first time. It was dessert. I only had enough calories remaining to have 1/3 serving, but wow--it was great! I'm seriously thinking about adding this nutrient dense food in an effort to bump up my calorie budget as my workouts become longer and more intense. I'm going to need more fuel for my body! This is also something new to my journey: Willingness to change up what I'm doing. For me, the only thing that I don't ever plan on changing and I pray I never do, is my abstinence from sugar. As addicted as I was to it, I'm getting very addicted to feeling good without it in my system. I'd rather feel good!

It's late, so I'll wrap this edition with my meal tweets of the day and hit the pillow!






Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, June 30, 2014

June 30th, 2014 My Deal With Sugar

June 30th, 2014 My Deal With Sugar

I'm up late tonight waiting to be activated for weather coverage on an approaching complex of storms. I'm basically writing in a race to finish before the gust front moves into our listening area. I've had these little races with Mother Nature before. I think it'll be okay.

I've written about my abstinence from sugar and how its given me a peace and calm like I've never known. It's not something necessary for everyone. You may not have the reactions I do when you consume sugar. Arriving at this point in my journey has required a bunch of trial and error, or more accurately, a bunch of denial and struggle. I'm glad I've experienced things this way, though. Because without the trials, the struggles--I wouldn't be where I am today. And I love where I am today.

If you're not someone affected by sugar, like me, good! For you, moderation is key. After experiencing the last nine and a half weeks without and the resulting peace and calm--I've never been more sure of its affects on me. When denial and struggle is replaced with the positive perspective of peaceful acceptance, it's life changing, certainly has been for me.

I'm writing about this because I've received a few messages and an email today on this very subject.

I believe I've shared these thoughts before. Just in case, here's my deal with sugar:

Restrictions.
This was one of the biggest points of contention for me since I started losing weight in 2008.
I lost 275 pounds eating cake, ice cream and desserts--all within reasonable portions at appropriate times.
Using prior success as a reference, It made it very hard to get to a place of acceptance for abstinence, where I am now.

How did I stay consistent for as long as I did, despite all the sugary foods in moderation?
In hindsight, I clearly see how my support and accountability system importance level was set so high, I didn't dare give in to the struggle, temptation and the obsessive like attraction to "getting more."
There were a lot of prayers and meditation--surrounding myself with people, instead of isolating--and connecting as much as possible with a variety of support sources.

When I basically abandoned almost every support and accountability component I had leaned on for so long--then it was a very different dynamic. Suddenly I was dramatically weakened.

When the bio-chemical reactions of sugar addiction swirled through my brain, I followed its lead without question--as if possessed. I traded one struggle for another. Instead of struggling against the compulsions to binge, I gave in--then struggled with the regret, shame and embarrassment associated with weight gain and the guilt associated with doing the very things I wanted to be diametrically opposed to. 

I was very much NOT wanting to let go of the sugar or, the option to enjoy it occasionally in portioned doses... My denial was slowly revealed and chipped away by learning. What ended up happening is, I kept researching the effects of sugar, specifically the addictive nature of it, and then as if I was destined to hear--I kept having conversations with people in recovery from food addiction---people who have what I want--years of maintenance behind them--and 100% of them said the same thing in relation to sugar and how it creates a bio-chemical reaction in our pleasure sensors---and then sets off the addictive cycle of, "I gotta have more and NOW!!!!" 

I can't say I'm 100% sugar free, because of my non-flavored plain coffee creamer. The tiny amount doesn't seem to have the same effect as larger more obvious amounts. I'm sugar free enough to experience the most amazing benefits I once thought were impossible to find for me. No binges and no urges to binge. So many people described their experience to me--and they described this feeling--but still, until I actually committed to the effort needed to personally "test" it, it was like they were speaking of some mythical fantasy. 

I do recognize that I have a similar and many ways stronger support and accountability system in place now--but even still--I'm not fighting to maintain control. There's a peace and calm about my approach that I'm absolutely in love with.  If trading the occasional sugar for this feeling is the deal...then I'll sign a lifetime contract. That's the long answer to my perspective.

Will I ever go back to eating ice cream, cakes and other sugar laden things? I pray I never do. My short answer is no, I don't plan on ever going back. I now know, understand and appreciate what I must do in order to stay abstinent.  I also know that if I ever decide to abandon the principles and practices of my personal recovery, I'll surely go straight back to the very familiar reality of an unmanageable and chaotic existence.

It's important to note that fortunately, not everyone is a food and/or sugar addict. For some, the basic fundamentals of eating less, exercising more and developing an "in moderation" approach to food is the answer. I wanted it to be my answer. And as much as I wanted to wish it into being--summoning the law of attraction and constantly telling myself I was someone who could be okay with a non-addict approach to recovery--I finally realized it wasn't me. And it's okay. I'm okay. And I have a wonderful, rich and fulfilling life ahead of me without sugar.

The acceptance of and fully embracing my personal truth of addiction, along with some life changing epiphanies about identity and self-worth, have sent me straight to a very positive place. I love this feeling and I wouldn't trade it for all the Snickers Bars and mint chocolate chip shakes in the world.  Truth is, all it takes for that transaction to happen is one Snickers or shake. 

I'm happily abstinent from sugar.

Sean
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We've expected these storms moving in overnight since this morning. With this knowledge, I was able to plan my afternoon with a solid nap in place before heading to the YMCA for a workout.  I experienced a wonderful ride on the elliptical tonight before meeting Amber and KL at my favorite little Mexican place for Hawaiian Fajita Tacos!

Instead of corn tortillas, I requested corn taco shells.  Now, I'll always order it this way. The corn taco shells are simply stronger, holding up better to the moistness of the ingredients. I passed on the chips, guac, beans and rice--opting instead to focus on my three big and hearty Hawaiian Fajita Tacos!  Here's the tweet:

I had a wonderful visit with Amber tonight. It carried over past dinner, to their apartment afterward. Amber has a big opportunity in front of her and tonight she needed some fatherly advice and encouragement. Nothing feels better than connecting on deep levels with my kids. It's a fantastic feeling.

It's late and the complex of storms are approximately an hour away. I better get to work. If you're ever interested in listening, we do stream. Simply click: http://player.authorizedstream.com/?pid=593

Thank you for reading and your support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, June 29, 2014

June 29th, 2014 Always Running In The Background

June 29th, 2014 Always Running In The Background

My plan today included cleaning my apartment, taking care of a friend's dogs, cooking some great meals, working out at the YMCA, a quick grocery trip (more fruit and coffee), visiting with my youngest daughter Courtney and grandson Noah, writing this blog update and actually getting to bed a time appropriate for someone who gets up at 4:30am. I have writing, grocery store and visiting left on my list--oh, and dinner.

Right before bed, I plan on making some rounds to my favorite blogs--reading some and offering support.  I usually do that well on the weekends, but my schedule this weekend has been kind of different.

I can see where my continued success might appear to be hoisted up by an all consuming schedule of writing, exercising, cooking and tweeting. It's really not. The fundamentals to my plan each day--when all goes well, run like a computer program in the background. My life is happening just as it was when I was struggling horribly. I still have job stress, financial stress, occasional inter-personal relationship stress, scheduling stress--where the only way to make it better is to become better at time management--and yet, I'm giving thanks each day for another successful day of taking extraordinary care.  The "program," my program--runs in the background 24/7. This peace and calm I've written about lately is when I'm handling life in the foreground while my program is running quietly and consistently in the background. The background program enhances the foreground program in many ways.

Nearly 100% abstinence from pure sugar has made an impact I had to experience for myself to fully believe. The absence of the binge behavior and urges to binge have been nothing short of miraculous. And should I ever conveniently forget about what sugar does to me, it'll be like a virus infecting my background program. I'm extremely protective of my background program! My commitment and diligence each day is like antivirus protection. Staying supportive of others, keeping an open mind, prayer, meditations, positive visualizations and moving forward one day at a time is like keeping that antivirus protection updated.

My next weigh day is this coming Wednesday. I'm looking forward to stepping on the scale for my 10 week number. And that's all it is, a number. Never again will it define my worth and identity. The number will only serve as a statistic and guidepost toward my ultimate goal of getting back to and successfully maintaining a healthy body weight. I'm seriously considering adding some calories to my budget. If I do, they'll be good calories--proteins--and things that will help me as I start using my newly acquired NordicFlex weight training machine. But I'm still not sure if those changes will come after this 10 week weigh in or the 13 week mark. I'll see how I feel when the time comes.

I'm not hungry. I'm eating well and it seems enough. I could stand a little more water. Most days I struggle to hit the minimum 64oz.  The water and time management--these are two important things deserving of my attention. And I have been doing better on these two. Sometimes the schedule gets out of my control--especially when storms roll in and I find myself on the air for coverage, often in the middle of the night. No complaints really--I'm compensated for it--and I'm thankful for the job. Weather coverage and other scheduling challenges are most usually things I can anticipate and do my best to make sure it doesn't completely throw me into a tailspin. I must give myself a pat on the back for taking better care in these departments. I've really made some positive strides.

I'm having so much fun sharing my meals, exercise and occasional humor on twitter. If you want to join in, simply go to www.twitter.com/seanaanderson If you're not into food pics and calorie counts--you might want to skip it. It's every single bite, every single day--photographed, described, calorie counted--and tweeted. Too much? For some, yes. For me? It's doing wonders. It's working. And this is what this journey is all about--finding what works for you.  I'm finding what works for me and it's constantly running in the background of my life.

Thank you for reading! I'm off to the store, to see Courtney and Noah--and then a late dinner of some sort. I had a late lunch at a little after 4pm--so I'm not hungry--hoping to feel like something before too long. I have 800 calories remaining...yikes! This is one of the challenges of the weekend--proper calorie management. It's hardly a problem during the week because of my schedule starting so early in the morning.

Strength,
Sean
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