I believe in me. What does that mean? To say "I believe in me" means the goals, hopes and dreams we hold are no longer long-shot possibilities, because we truly believe we're capable of achieving each and every one. We can see where we're headed. We can envision a future where we're living out the beautiful consequences of the choices and steps we're taking today. I believe in me.
I believe I can reach my healthiest weight and take extraordinary care with food and exercise long after reaching whatever weight is my healthiest. I believe I can successfully maintain for as long as I am willing to hold important the fundamentals of my recovery.
I believe I can write my second book and I believe it can be my best work. I believe I can successfully transition into a future where I'm a full time writer and speaker. I believe I can write, voice and produce an audio project that offers a unique type of support for anyone along this road, called "Sean's Weight Loss Meditations." <<< That's happening sooner than later and I'm excited about it to no end!
I believe I deserve the wonderful, balanced and healthy relationship I'm experiencing with my sweetheart, Heather. I believe I can learn and grow and not sabotage it simply because it is something good. Too many times I've found a way to self-destruct when something feels right and good, because somewhere deep inside there was a powerful feeling of unworthiness. I believe that nagging notion has been mostly eradicated from me in a profound way. The remnants left behind are easily recognizable and acknowledged as baloney whenever their effects try to influence today.
When the harshness of self-criticism is softened from abusive to a healthy and constructive place and we realize we're not so bad after-all, suddenly we obtain a clearer perspective on reality. We're incredible people, you and I. We're capable of anything and everything we make important. When we believe, the object of our desires becomes a part of us, in faith, hope and small steps, the part of us where this lives, grows...and soon, it just is, us.
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In broadcasting, a day is never busier than one where your company is hosting a signature annual event. All of the planning, the meetings--everything comes together, culminating in an extra long day--but a good day. That was my day, today.
Ladies Night Out is an annual event our company started ten years ago. It's a night of free wine, free food, shopping and prize giveaways! Of course it's successful! I mean, really--what's not to love? Free-free-free!
Attendees who never miss this event have witnessed me at my heaviest, my healthiest, somewhere along my regain weight and where I'm found today. The compliments on my appearance this evening were numerous. I took each one with grace and a very simple, "thank you." I remind myself constantly, that I mustn't mistake the pleasure of these compliments as a measure of happiness. My happiness isn't dependent on my weight or appearance. Does it feel wonderful to hear the kind words? Absolutely--and as long as I keep the proper perspective, it's a fantastic part of this road we travel.
Proper perspective confirms my happiness is powerful, real and ready to be experienced whenever I decide, at any weight. Outward appearance is superficial and can be fun, sure. I mean, really--who doesn't love a dramatic "before and after?" The certainty of our continued happiness isn't found out there, it's found in here (points to heart) and here (points to head), not here (points to rear end).
The owner of our broadcasting company bought us all dinner after the event tonight. I resisted the goodies catered for our attendees quite easily. I had plans to grab some Hawaiian Fajita Tacos or something else equally good as soon as I left--but this company paid dinner at the restaurant down the hall from the ballroom housing our event, was a good one.
I left the venue shortly after 9pm and had just enough time to race into the Y, change into my workout clothes and ride the elliptical to a wonderful 30 minute workout on level 11. I closed 'em down tonight. I was very tired and honestly, I didn't feel like working out. I almost decided to go home--write a short post and hit the pillow. That decision wouldn't have been bad or incorrect--but I'm glad I chose the Y, a 30 minute workout--then home. I needed a good workout.
Tomorrow is weigh day! I have every reason to believe it will be a weigh day that tests me in many ways. I haven't had the solid day in and day out certainty of previous three week periods. My food has remained good. But my workouts have been lacking in the last few weeks. I haven't been getting as much water as I need or enough rest and I've eaten out a record number of times lately. Whatever the scale gives me, I'll remember to be grateful and give thanks. I will be ready to adjust my perspective and approach as needed. And I'm sure it will be needed!
My Tweets today:
Only one cup this morning. I poured the 2nd, then forgot to pick it up on my way out. Sugar free creamer. 30 cal. pic.twitter.com/Vvk77lhfqd
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 14, 2014
Mozzarella omelet. 2 whole eggs-2 egg whites, one 50 cal slice mozzarella. Fresh pineapple (5.7oz). 304 cal. pic.twitter.com/94pdZrWgxp
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 14, 2014
Fat free/sugar free beans (1/2 cup), provolone (2slices) and guacamole (avocado-58g) tostadas. Fresh pear. 583 cal. pic.twitter.com/yYX4WkoEQz
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 14, 2014
Sirloin steak (6oz), asparagus sautéed in olive oil, green beans sautéed in olive oil, sweet potato fries. 613 cal. pic.twitter.com/mq8a1non9a
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 15, 2014
Dessert! Honeydew melon, red seedless grapes, pineapple. #lastfoodofday 126 cal. pic.twitter.com/7xpL4u5DAj
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 15, 2014
Left work event. Straight to YMCA. Must get a good 30 min sweat. #ellipticalride
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 15, 2014
I know how fantastic it will feel to end my day with this workout. After the first 5 min, I'll be sailing.
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 15, 2014
Level 11. 30 min. Done. Feels electric. Endorphins flowing. Now- the calm... Rest will be better. pic.twitter.com/qRlmc1CrNU
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 15, 2014
Thank you for reading and your incredible support,
Strength,
Sean
Some people/many people have to 'fake it until you make it.' Seems you are WELL past that! Kudos, and I'm sure the scale will remain friendly. Perhaps not a record breaker, but don't underestimate the power of happiness on the scale, too. Remove the stress, replace it with a sense of accomplishment and happiness in your relationships and future, and the scale CAN reward you! Stress weighs! ;)
ReplyDeleteOh my, Gwen--great point! Stress weighs, indeed!
DeleteDo I believe in me? I'm not sure. I'm working on it. I believe in my own intelligence, so if I have a task that takes that trait than I'm fine. But if it is a task that requires will power - not so sure. I guess I need to make losing weight based on intelligence rather than will power! Am I smart enough to lose weight? Am I? I'd hate to admit that I'm not...
ReplyDeleteSome of the most intelligent people in the world struggle with losing weight. My mom's doctor weighs over 400 pounds. He's incredibly intelligent. Exceptional intelligence or lack of doesn't make or break this, in my opinion.
DeleteIn my experience, hearing from others over the last 6 years--the most intelligent people sometimes have the hardest time--and I believe it's because they try to make it harder than it needs to be, in order to match their intellectual abilities. Over-complicating this process can be handled, for sure. But why make it so hard?
The question isn't "Am I smart enough to lose weight?" The question is, "Am I smart enough to keep it simple?"
Always wishing you the best, Natalie.
What a great post Sean! I belive everything you mentioned will happen. So many good things to look forward to. This journey is full steam ahead. Looking forward to this progress one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jon! It is a process, for sure!
DeleteBelieving in yourself is like falling in love with someone; you can't say it until you mean it. I'm glad you believe in yourself Sean, and you can see that belief in the tone in your blogs, both on the good days and the not so good days.
ReplyDeleteAs for myself, I still don't believe in myself yet. Last night I told Mrs. FD that these 7 weeks are the longest I've ever been on a diet without having a gain. It's like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. I told her I can't image how I could possibly keep it going for a whole year. But right then I had a very brief thought that maybe I can! I don't believe yet, but I'm getting there.
One day at a time--just do your thing, FD--and let time do its thing. In not long you'll realize a year has passed. You can do it. You can sustain. Believe it, FD! You'll get it there-- just keep on keeping on and don't give up.
Delete"When the harshness of self-criticism is softened from abusive to a healthy and constructive place and we realize we're not so bad after-all, suddenly we obtain a clearer perspective on reality." Sean, thanks for those words. I think self criticism is one of the worse things we do to ourselves and an area I keep trying to work at. Do I believe in myself? More than I ever have but yet not completely. I have a long way to go but am taking baby steps towards it and that's better than going the opposite way. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteAlati--yes, yes!! You're welcome. Self-criticism can be paralyzing in the extreme. Baby steps is how it's done. You're definitely moving in the right direction!
DeleteIt's one thing to white-knuckle your way to goal and THEN be happy. It's another thing altogether, to truly embrace and enjoy the journey. Great post, Sean. Shirley from TN
ReplyDeleteWell said, Shirley--thank you!!
DeleteI agree with FogDog. Just like you can't force love, it seems that I can't force belief in myself, no matter how desperately I want it. So how do we get past that? I wish I had the answers.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion-- the answer is in taking small steps toward what you desire. You don't need belief at first-- but you do need perseverance and a "never give up" attitude to stay in the game. Take it small, take it slow--then, as you go--your belief will strengthen, Connie. I think we must let go of the idea that we need it all perfect before we can proceed. We simply must proceed in the direction and at the speed we can handle at the time...then watch it grow and develop... You'll be believing in yourself before you realize that's what's happening!
DeleteThank you! I think that was exactly what I needed to hear!
DeleteAnother great post Sean. I'm not sure if I believe in myself yet. Heck, I don't think anyone really believes in me yet. A work in progress... you would think after a year I could find that belief somewhere. Someday!
ReplyDeleteOnward!
Rosie
I believe in you, Rosie! Believe in your progressive work, and it will develop. It's coming, Rosie. You're doing fantastic. Onward--yes, indeed!
DeleteFalse belief in myself I have experienced many times. Knew I had it and lost the weight - - only to put it back on, finally getting to the not believing in my ability to lose weight again. Know this time has to be different than all the 'white knuckling" journeys. Therefore I will believe in me when I SEE it and feel the good feelings of accomplishment. This time can't be temporary. Realize many of the trips back to fatdom started small and with sacrificing myself for the sake of being social to use your words Sean. This time is different! It's slow, and that's O.K. because it's permanent.
ReplyDeleteSlow and steady, Nancy--it wins every time. None of us are immune to the return trip. If I abandon the fundamentals of my recovery today--I'd quickly gain back all I've lost and more in record time. Never sacrifice! We're too important, Nancy!
DeleteI have been wondering for a while, how do you get your corn tortillas crispy that you use for your tostadas? And thanks for your daily blog and food pics. It really helps!
ReplyDeleteWhen I use regular corn tortillas--the soft variety--I bake them in the oven on high heat until crispy. Anymore these days--I simply buy them already crispy. The calorie count is is almost the same-- with some being 10 calories more than the soft. It's worth it to me in time savings. Even still--I'll put the crispy ones in the oven to give 'em some "fresh baked-ness" and to melt the cheese, of course. You're welcome--thank you for your readership and support!
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