As I write this post, it's 4:30am on Tuesday. My internet service was in and out last night. I was able to reply to comments, then when I tried to compose a new post it decided to stop working. Perhaps my internet decided I needed to go to bed a little earlier. I messed with it a little while, doing all the things I know to do and finally decided no amount of rebooting my computer and modem could fix the situation. It felt very weird going to bed without composing a post. It was beyond my control, so I'm okay with it--but still, felt strange.
This daily diary plays an important roll in my recovery. Its importance to me is immeasurable, for what it does is therapeutic. No matter how crazy, shaky, organized or strong, happy or sad--a day might be, I feel grounded when I sit down and sort it all out on these pages. I've encouraged many people along this road to write something, anything--each day as they proceed. Make it a blog, a Facebook page--a private journal if you prefer--JUST WRITE. And remember, when it's coming from your heart, there's no right or wrong. It just is what it is--and what it can be is a source of incredible strength and understanding as you get in touch with you. I recently described it to another on facebook like this: "You're a student at YOU U."
Today (Monday-October 6th) started a little rough. I overslept my alarm and had to skip my slower morning routine in exchange for a fast and furious one that would get me to the studio as quickly as possible. I had to find some time mid-morning to breathe and center, calming down and "resetting" my attitude and perspective, or else risk this hurried start affecting my entire day.
I still took a few minutes to scramble some eggs on high heat. Normally, I set the heat on low and slow and my omelets cook while I get ready of a morning--I have it timed pretty well, knowing fairly well how long I have before it gets overcooked. I've missed it a few times, but usually I do okay. This morning it was high heat and scrambled--no time for pretty omelets, it was cook faster!! And it was good. Breakfast is simply too important to miss. Had I missed breakfast, it would have been much more challenging a task to center and reset myself after the hurried start, because I would have been very hungry.
I had the pleasure of experiencing a full circle kind of thing, today. I accompanied my daughter Amber to the Honda dealership to shop for a nice, reliable car. It was nearly three years ago when she was struggling and we both sat on my balcony discussing life, dreams, goals, stress, and everything else that a life well lived can bring. I was a father desperately searching for words that would help inspire her to stay in school and finish strong. One of the smaller things we discussed was how she could someday put herself in a position to purchase a vehicle she's always wanted. And though it seemed so far away with incredible obstacles between her and that day, I reminded her that there will be rewards along the way for her hard work and diligence and to keep on, one day at a time.
I can't take all the credit for inspiring her. She's had incredible support from her mother, fiance, KL's parents and others. She did keep on, graduating with honors and now she's a special education teacher with incredible talents and abilities in working with kids who need special attention. And today--today, in that car, riding in the passenger seat of a Honda Civic as she test drove that thing all over town, knowing it was hers if she decided so, was such a beautiful thing. We dealt directly with the owner of the dealership, who offered Amber an incredible deal--and it'll be one she accepts on Tuesday evening, when she drives away in her Civic.
I allowed my day to get away from me and finally decided to make it a non-workout day. It was likely the first Monday I've done that-- but it's okay, it was all good. A very good day, indeed.
My Tweets today:
Travel mug of coffee this morning. Was a little rushed today! Slept good, though! 1.5 srvings sugar free creamer. 45C pic.twitter.com/7GamXrlD3o
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 6, 2014
Scrambled eggs and swiss. 3 whole eggs with 1 slice swiss. Two small pears equals one large, calorie wise. 402 cal. pic.twitter.com/XYbPLyOsjM
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 6, 2014
Bean and Mozzarella tostadas topped with a sour cream/avocado mixture. Cantaloupe (208g). 474 calories. pic.twitter.com/WXL8uRGrAf
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 6, 2014
Dinner out with my daughter and her fiancé. Chips counted & separated from the bowl! #caloriestrategy Salsa. 168 cal. pic.twitter.com/FJ4z7BR15K
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 7, 2014
Crispy chicken fajita tacos. Delicious! 6oz chicken-- corn taco shells instead of flour tortillas. No cheese. 536 cal pic.twitter.com/wDuWhrZueN
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 7, 2014
Red seedless grapes (135g). #lastfoodofday 89 cal. pic.twitter.com/AeQdv3f7VG
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) October 7, 2014
Thank you for reading and your support,
Strength,
Sean
Sean, inspired by you, last week I started journaling in my paper food diary every day about how the day went food/exercise wise, and anything related. (I keep a regular journal, too, but not daily) I have a Spark Page and blog occasionally, and may do an entry later this week, but when I was doing it more frequently I found that I cared whether people read it or not, since I was putting it out there, and so I decided to do something daily just to check in with myself without that preoccupation, to process my own thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great father you are. I loved my dad (He passed away 7 years ago) , but I wish that my dad and I had those types of conversations as you did with Amber.
Dede
Dede,
DeleteI'm so happy you're writing!! Overjoyed that my daily blog inspired you too!! It's sometimes tough to adopt the perspective enabling you to let go of the "audience factor," and still--some things are not as appropriate in a public sharing situation--so whether we like it or not, our public writing is often edited with common sense and tempered with a certain degree of privacy for certain things. I applaud you for writing privately and publicly!
The first 200 posts or so, for me-- was very light with readers--It was typical for me to go 25-40 posts in a row without a single comment--now, some have come since, with people going back and reading archived entries...The point is--I had to write what I did, for me--and my recovery and anyone else reading and appreciating what I was doing was an unexpected bonus along the way.
Thank you, Dede, for the father compliment. Because my father wasn't present in my life--I vowed at a very young age that when I became a father, I would be the polar opposite.
I certainly haven't been perfect in any way-- but it's been good--and I value the relationship I've developed with Amber and Courtney. Thank you for your support--very appreciated!
Everyone needs an outlet. Even if it's a pen and paper notepad, a friend of mine uses a small digital tape recorder, vlogs, or even talking with a friend or spouse at the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteIf your internet is acting up, if you don't already do so, you can compose your blog posts in a Word document to get your thoughts down without losing the post in the nebulons of the interwebs :)
Aww that's such good news for your daughter! Believe me, those type of heartfelt conversations are remembered and cherished.
Nikki-- Very good suggestion on the word doc! I've actually done that a few times. Lately the internet service has been reliable--it was strange to have so much trouble the other night.
DeleteI agree 100%--an outlet is very important!! Ooh--I like the digital recorder idea too.
Thank you, Nikki!!
I'm so grateful for a wonderful relationship with both my daughters. It's a wonderful blessing. :)
I used to write in my journal every day...I have about 15 of them now. Since I started blogging I don't write anymore...which I should...because I write differently in my journal than I do my blog.
ReplyDeleteI have non-workout days as well--best attitude is, "that's ok" like you said:)
Wow-- 15 of 'em!! That's a lot of writing!!
DeleteI bet there is a difference. I once kept a handwritten diary too--for a very short time. Like you, I might need to reconsider picking that back up again.
Yes--on the non-workout days, I do my best to extend some self-compassion and be okay with not doing it. Sometimes my biggest challenge is trying to not be so hard on myself.
My parents are divorced and my dad was the "fun dad" who took us out places every second weekend but certainly never taught us anything useful. I'm glad you're such a good father to your children.
ReplyDeleteOh, Natalie--When you look back, I'm sure that's not easy.
DeleteI feel like I owe my dad a debt of gratitude for NOT being in my life during my formative years. His absence instilled a deep desire to be the best dad I could be. When my stand-up career took me far away from them--getting back to their side was certainly one of the big motivators for me deciding to leave that career behind in LA.
Thank you, Natalie