May 29th, 2014 It's About Time

May 29th, 2014 It's About Time

Last night I discussed time management issues and today I did okay until I decided a nap at 4pm was a good idea. In hindsight I should have pulled myself together, grabbed some fruit and hit the door for the Y.  I was tired today. Not because I didn't sleep well, because I didn't get enough. It's sometimes difficult to "listen" to my body because with all of the sleep issues over the last three years, my body constantly thinks sleep is the best choice in almost any situation.

I set the alarm for 5:15pm. The plan was simple and good. Up at 5:15, shoes on and to the YMCA for a workout--stop by Irene's house where my daughters and Noah were having a dinner get together for some quality visiting time--grab some Hawaiian Fajitas from the little Mexican place across town--help a friend with uploading pictures to their facebook page--write--then bed no later than 10pm. That was the plan.

But the nap was good.  It was so good, in fact, I slept soundly through my alarm at 5:15. And with the phone literally less than a foot from my face, I slept through seven missed phone calls and ten text messages. This might have been my body trying to tell me something.  I just wish it could have waited until after the planned evening to go into such a deep and restful sleep.  I woke at 8:30pm after a 4.5 hour "nap," completely disoriented--having a quick panic attack thinking I had overslept for work, then realizing what had happened. I sat on the edge of the bed doing my routine post sleep self analysis.  Wow, that was deep and amazing. I immediately recognized this feeling of fantastic--the feeling of good, healthy, solid sleep. On one hand I was in awe of how wonderful I felt physically and on the other I was completely upset with myself for allowing it to happen off schedule, so to speak.

I gathered my thoughts and decided to make it to the YMCA for a good workout on the killer elliptical (name I've given it), then straight home to cook something for dinner. Then I realized I needed some groceries. Hmmmm... Okay, revised plan--workout, groceries, home and cooking followed by writing then back to bed.

I ate dinner at 11:30pm.  I combined my dinner with my last snack--the calories were a little pricey at 749 total--but it was within my budget and it served as my #lastfoodofday. And it was quality. I whipped up some homemade guacamole using a small avocado, onions, tomatoes, ground black pepper and a serving of lite sour cream.  I made a 4 oz lean hamburger patty, put it on a 100 calorie sandwich thin and topped it with a slice of mozzarella and some of the guacamole. I added a pear and a serving of all natural brown rice chips.
The brown rice chips thing is a test. I wanted something to dip into my homemade guacamole. It was the only bag I could find that didn't contain sugar of some sort. The all natural sweet potato chips I wanted contain cane sugar. Now, the test is--can I have a "bag" of anything like this in my apartment and maintain sanity and portion control?  Stay tuned! 

I called all of the people who had been expecting me this evening and apologized for my absence. Everyone understood. I made sure to talk to Amber and Courtney and Amber even put the phone up to little Noah's ear. She told me he smiled big upon hearing my voice. That made me feel better.

I realized tonight how I've drastically cut down on eating out. I would have to go through my Twitter feed and count to be sure--but I know for certain it's been more than a week. I'm having a bunch of fun planning and preparing my meals, so I guess I haven't missed it really. I had planned on eating out tonight with those amazing Hawaiian Fajitas--and despite my revised schedule and plan to cook, I tried to grab them after my workout. When I pulled up to the restaurant at 9:55pm, it was obvious they were already closed. Maybe sometime over the weekend. It was back to my revised plan.

What am I going to do about my schedule? It's a struggle for sure. The elements involved are very important to me and my recovery. As upset as I was with myself, I did stop it before I started being abusive to myself. That's a major plus. I didn't dwell on it too long or allow it to influence me into making some bad choices in a rush. I could have grabbed a Subway sandwich, skipped the workout, finished blog and then dropped in bed trying to force myself back to sleep. But I knew better and wanted better for myself, despite the circumstances.

I'm proud of the way I handled this situation. I didn't let it negatively affect my resolve and that's serious progress. It still leaves me in a position to evaluate and correct my time management plan. But as a supportive friend said after reading my live-tweets through it all-- Rome wasn't built in a day. I've experienced a dramatic turnabout in the last 6 weeks. It's been a wonderful blessing and answer to a prayer, or many prayers actually. I've had life altering epiphanies that have had and continue to have positive deep seeded behavior changing effects. I'm happy. I'm sometimes burning the candle at both ends and struggling to define some self imposed boundaries to correct the sleep schedule--but I'm making it an important focus and most importantly, I'm not giving up in any way, shape or form.

Follow my Twitter feed for "in the moment" live tweeting of food and exercise each day. I also use the twitter feed to occasionally flex my sense of humor. It's fun! @SeanAAnderson

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 27th, 2014 Training Wheels On

May 27th, 2014 Training Wheels On

I'm settling down into a nice groove and it continues to feel amazing. I still have issues I must address, like time management and drinking more water. But I must say, overall I'm very pleased with myself these days.

I hosted a teleconference tonight with Life Coach Gerri and I think it went fairly well. I always think of ways I could have articulated ideas better, afterward. Of course I'm my worst critic when it comes to this stuff. One thing that came up during an answer to a question was, if after relapse I felt like I hadn't learned anything previously.  I learned so much during my initial weight loss but now, looking back I can clearly identify things that fell short. The shortcoming was in the emotional and stress eating department. The thing is, I set my support and accountability system so high, that it carried me through things I would have otherwise ran for cover from in a drive-through. I lost the last 75 pounds going through a separation and divorce. The thing I didn't stop doing under any circumstance was writing my blog every night.  I still had that strong element of support and accountability--and it gave me strength. The mistake was after the storms had passed, I thought my survival without relapse meant I had somehow found a way to end my emotional and stress eating tendencies---when really, I was carried through those times by the level of accountability and support I had built over the course of my transformation. Then...

When I stopped writing the blog everyday--and then sporadically at best--I suddenly didn't have the same support system and accountability factor... And things were okay for a almost a year and a half.  They were because everything seemed great--I was writing my book, I staying connected with people and life seemed rosy.  When it stopped being all peaches, is when suddenly I discovered I had abandoned every tool that brought me so far. Like a kid who's trying to ride a bike for the first time with the training wheels off, I stumbled time and time again. But my foolish pride kept me from re-installing the training wheels and getting back to basics... That is until the mud of one too many ditches made it very clear, I needed to get back to what worked for me.  Training wheels on!

Still, I wouldn't trade this experience, really. I needed to be humbled. I needed to see all sides of this journey. And thanks to regaining--I've been able to go back and investigate the areas where I clearly need more study. I call it a blessing in disguise, 100%.

I also didn't give my food addiction the respect and consideration it needed.  I didn't want to accept it completely. So once again, I learned the hard way--there are certain things I mustn't eat. When I consume sugar, I struggle--I binge. When I don't, no struggle and no urges to binge.  And when I'm not fighting the battle of the binge--it frees me to focus on the food and exercise fundamentals and the very important practice of maintaining my accountability and support system.

This presentation tonight was in advance of our next weekly teleconference support group.  If you're interested in signing up for the six week program starting June 3rd, please email me your intention: Sean@transformationroad.com.  The weekly support group is Tuesday evenings at 8 Eastern, 7 Central, 6 mountain, 5 Pacific.  It is very different than what we did tonight. It's a lot of one on one, exploring you and your experience--your puzzle and offering support toward helping you achieve your weight loss objectives. The weekly group includes a private Facebook group for call members only and unlimited email, text, and call support when needed. Think about it--and I'll have sign up details for you in the next couple days.

I prepared some amazing turkey enchiladas tonight. I had them oven ready before the teleconference tonight, then finished them and enjoyed the dinner shortly after.  The picture, along with everything else I eat daily, is on my Twitter feed: @SeanAAnderson I also enjoyed an incredible workout tonight at the YMCA on the elliptical. It is getting easier and easier to handle. I'll start upping the resistance and duration very soon.

Thank you for reading and your incredible support,
Strength,
Sean