June 15th, 2014 A Very Blessed Father's Day

June 15th, 2014 A Very Blessed Father's Day

I started the day with a good cup of coffee and a phone call to my dad. Dad and I don't talk enough, really. It was a good conversation and it ended with both of us vowing to make an effort to see each other again soon. I felt better having called and he expressed how much it meant to him, and that was a good start to my Father's Day.

I'm dog sitting for a friend for the next few days. I requested full access to his large "gourmet" kitchen as part of the deal. My apartment kitchen is small and I do well with what I have, but this bigger kitchen is a lot of fun. If you ever notice different plates and table settings accompanying my food and exercise Twitter feed, you'll know--I'm dog sitting.

I treated myself to a fantastic brunch today.

Steak N eggs! 5.4 oz lean sirloin, 3 whts, 1 whl-scmbld w/mushrms, topped w/Swiss. Cantaloupe & strawberries. 639 cal pic.twitter.com/WfC6ZVHu4N
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 15, 2014

This proved to be too much food. I left food on the plate and revised the count to 589 calories. It was a hearty He-Man type breakfast for this dad!

I enjoyed dinner out with my oldest last night in celebration of Father's Day weekend. Today was another trip out, this time with both of my wonderful daughters and grandson Noah.


Noah was in awe of his surroundings and fairly excited! He's playing the drums on the table.

I've been eating out less than once a week on average for the last nearly two months. This weekend it was twice. And I'm okay with it as long as I have a plan and stick to it. And I did.  Last night I wrote about taking my food scale to the restaurant. I forgot to grab it for the trip today. Since I didn't have the luxury of my digital measuring device, I decided to be very detailed in my order. I asked the server how many ounces of chicken breast strips came in a half-order of fajitas, she immediately replied "four and a half ounces." I then expressed how important it was for the kitchen to make sure the serving was accurate. I declined the fresh made flour tortillas and real butter, I did not decline the chips and the chunky mild salsa. I counted out 12 chips and grabbed some of the fresca, and immediately calculated it in MyFitnessPal. I gave my rice and beans to Noah. I used corn tortillas instead of flour (the corn variety is almost half the calories of the flour kind), I gave away the pile of cheese on my "fixings" plate, and kept enough sour cream to smear a small amount onto each before filling with grilled chicken, onions and peppers. I used a little over half the chicken (approx. 3oz). They were easily the best chicken fajitas I've ever enjoyed.

Here's the deal:  My seemingly obsessive calculations aren't as obsessive as one might think. It's not about extreme accuracy for me. It's more about setting personal boundaries for my consumption. Calorie counting isn't an exact practice. It's almost impossible to be precisely exact with a perfect count.  When I set good personal boundaries and I'm as close as I possibly can be with the count, I feel incredible about myself. Had I walked into that restaurant today with a different attitude and without a plan, I could have easily done some damage. And it isn't about physical "damage." We're talking mental/emotional damage. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not advocating an occasional binge for me--That type of plan wouldn't work for me at all. Had I cut loose today in the name of Father's Day, the mental and emotional damage, not to mention the possible bio-chemical reactions, would have significantly trumped any possible physical damage. Suddenly, I would have been besieged with feelings of guilt and shame as a tidal wave of remorse and regret washed away this wonderful momentum I've created. The subsequent effects would eventually make dramatic contributions to the physical side of things. But that's just me.

Here's the deal part two: I'm eating well and enough to feel extremely satisfied. I'm confident in doing what feels right for me today. I'm taking immense pride in a job well done. I'm not feeling deprived in any way. The contrast between this feeling and the highly familiar feeling of not caring, is night and day. I'm caring about me on a level I've never known. Not even during my initial weight loss was I this considerate and compassionate toward myself. This feels good.

The best part of today wasn't the food. The best part was the family time. Enjoying a meal with both of my daughters, Noah, Mom, Uncle Keith, Aunt Kelli and her husband Tim was wonderful. I rarely have both of my daughters together at the same time. In fact, I'd venture to say we haven't all three shared a meal together in over a year before today. On the way home, as Noah slept and the three of us listened to music and talked, I had a few moments of clarity in reflection followed by extreme gratitude and thanks for being so blessed and so loved by my family. Amber and Courtney didn't know, but dad was getting a little misty at one point during our 42 mile trip home. It was a special day to me; just beautiful.

I got back to my friend's house to let the dogs out and realized I still had slightly over 500 calories remaining in my Calorie Bank and Trust account. This happens frequently on the weekends because I usually end up combining breakfast and lunch into one meal. If my calorie spending isn't up to at least 850 or so by dinner time, I'll likely fall short at the end of the day. It's not a bad issue to have, really. I prepared a late "breakfast for dinner" steak and swiss omelet with a few strawberries on the side. It served as my #lastfoodofday.

I jumped into my friend's workout room and onto his elliptical and...oh my... totally different style machine than I'm accustomed. I wanted to stop after 10 minutes. It was working different parts of me than my favorite at the YMCA. I pushed it to 20 minutes before calling it good. I was sweating more than when I do a full 30 at the Y. I will feel it in the morning, for sure.

If you're a dad, Happy Father's Day! I hope yours was a good one too.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

June 6th, 2014 Maintaining Good Care

June 6th, 2014 Maintaining Good Care

Last night I mentioned how I suspended in-studio weather coverage at 11:30pm. I was actually reactivated and headed back to the studio at 1:20am, finished and was back home shortly after 3am, overslept for obvious reasons and was an hour late joining my morning show, already in progress, shortly after 7:00am.
I made it through the rest of my show, daily after show duties and to a remote broadcast from the VFW's 70th Anniversary of D-Day event.  As soon as my broadcast ended at 1pm, I was done for the day. I didn't get home until after 2pm. I prepared a nice lunch, stayed up a little while and then took a much needed nap.

Even though it was a crazy schedule today, I didn't sacrifice my resolve to eat better and take extraordinary care. This is the season for these kinds of fluctuations in my schedule and as long as I'm aware of what I need and make taking care important, I can get through. And really, this type of inconsistent schedule only happens about 2-3 months out of the year. It just so happens we're right smack dab in the middle of it now...at the same time I'm doing my best to take extraordinary care.  I suppose my definition of extraordinary care is somewhat forced to change and adapt along with the schedule. Today it meant making sure I had adequate food and a solid nap as soon as possible. I did both.

I hit the YMCA for my workout late this afternoon and I must admit, I didn't want to do it at all. Despite the fact that I'm certain of how good it feels to do and the positive transformative effect it has on my mood, I still preferred to not do it today. I had just finished a wonderful nap where I slept soundly and with excellent quality, so I couldn't necessarily say I was tired. I just wasn't feeling it. Not everyday will be a rah rah rah kind of day.  Not everyday will be ripe with exclamation points. Some are just days where we're happy making it through doing the absolute minimum we must, while promising a bigger effort later. I get that.

Trusting in the certainty of sports science, specifically how the body experiences a bio-chemical reaction while exercising, I got all Mr. Wizard on myself, and in little time was convinced I needed to climb aboard the magical elliptical. I did and as expected, it was awesome. Maybe I talked myself into feeling better than normal, I don't know--but I must say, I walked out of that workout feeling twice as good as I normally do.

My body is experiencing a bio-chemical reaction. A tangible substance has been released into my blood stream. I feel like fighting a tiger.
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2014

Adding to my gratitude list: Thankful we don't live around wild tigers. I'm pretty sure I'd get in over my head real fast.
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2014

Perhaps the better than normal feeling was because I overcame my own resistance. Usually I head to the Y with an attitude of let's go! Today it was Do we really have to today?  I have allowed myself a day off from exercise every now and then and I will on a regular basis, but today's resistance wasn't necessary.  I'm so glad I did it anyway.

I'm so glad the weekend is here. I've been well intentioned about replying to comments and emails this week but I've done a poor job actually doing it. The weekend gives me an opportunity to get caught up and I'm looking forward to doing this tomorrow morning and afternoon. I have a three hour broadcast from a car dealership in the middle of that plan. Interacting and engaging in conversation with you about the challenges and successes along this road is one of my favorite things to do. It helps me tremendously to be supportive to those who have been incredibly supportive to me. We're all in this together. Our paths might be different, what works for me may not work for you, but we share some commonalities and truths that are universal to our journey, and in those we find a powerful connection. It's a connection that creates a mutually positive experience.

I enjoyed dinner out tonight with my oldest daughter Amber and her boyfriend KL. I enjoyed the Hawaiian Fajitas again. It was phenomenal as usual. It feels very strange to be able to go in with a plan and stick to it without hesitation. My strategy involved eating three of the combination steak/chicken/shrimp/grilled pineapple fajitas with corn tortillas instead of flour (almost half the calories of the flour) and a smear of sour cream on each. No beans, no rice, no guac and no chips. I enjoyed a fabulously satisfying meal out and I kept it under 500 calories. This is working for me and I feel very good about how I enjoyed the meal and the conversation.  

One of the things I'm working on is finding a balance within my relationships while taking extraordinary care. I'm making a point to call my daughters more often, talk with mom more and basically enjoy this process of transformation without getting overwhelmed and all consumed. I feel good about my progress in that department. I wasn't very good at this during my initial weight loss. But now I recognize how imperative it is to take a well measured approach and not lose touch with the ones we love in the name of focus. Ultimately, this journey for me is about incorporating the standards and practices giving me the best chance at a well balanced life of recovery, while still maintaining a life--and if I can do that, I believe it's then something I can maintain for the rest of my life.

It was a good day today despite the crazy work schedule of the last several days. Storms are rolling through as I write this and it's nice to hear them roll without rushing to the studio for coverage. A colleague of mine is doing the coverage tonight.

I invite you to join me on Twitter for the live-tweeting of my food and exercise along the way. The twitter feed is one of the best accountability measures I've taken. It's having a tremendously positive effect on my eating habits. My love of cheese was mentioned recently and yes, I admit--I love cheese. One thing you'll notice, I don't allow "block" cheeses and I rarely have cottage cheese. I love cottage cheese too much. My previous doctor once suggested look at the sodium content in cottage cheese, so I did and was shocked at how much salt it contained. I don't trust myself with block or cottage cheese. I stick to pre-portioned slices with set calorie counts. I'm feeling good about my behavior around the Laughing Cow wedges. I'm eating them in moderation.  I was initially worried about if I could keep them in the fridge without binging on them and so far I've been successful. When I eat a shredded cheese variety, it's always measured and counted--either 28 grams for a full serving or 14 grams for a half serving, if that will do.

If my food scale ever breaks, it'll be something I immediately replace!

Thank you for reading and your support,
strength,
Sean

June 1st, 2014 Flipping Perspective

June 1st, 2014 Flipping Perspective

One thing I didn't write last night and I probably didn't because I've said it so many times, but it's worth repeating: I'm not an expert. I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to know all of the answers. I'm just a guy living it, experiencing it and doing my best to articulate it. And I'll always be in learning mode. As soon as we declare we've got it all figured out and there's no need to learn another thing about this journey many of us share--that's when we're at the greatest risk of being humbled, and quickly. I've been there, my friend.

I'm so grateful for the tremendous support system this blog and other social media provides. When someone tells me they're going to start blogging, I encourage them 100% and I tell them, always make sure you're doing it for you. This is important. First thing is, it's for you.  It's a powerful tool in understanding ourselves better--to write, to journal--to get it out of our head and on virtual paper, so we can see it instead of only imagining it. Images and ideas in our mind flicker and easily get replaced by whatever is distracting our attention. By writing it out, you're transforming your thoughts into something you can study in an easier way. When you share these thoughts of yours and we read it and relate--a powerful connection happens and we discover we're not alone. You helping yourself sort things out, ends up helping others sort theirs too.  But never lose sight of the ultimate purpose of your writings, to help you. If you have a blog and it isn't on my list, please leave a link in the comments so I can stop by yours too.

I stayed up super late writing last night. It was worth it for me to get yesterday's post out of my head. And it isn't finished either--I'm still going over it in my mind and putting things into practice. I slept in today, then prepared a nice brunch. I caught up on some emails and messages and I took some time to relax and meditate. Shifting my perspective from a negative to a positive has not been easy at all. After experiencing all I enjoyed at a healthy weight and then going back up the scale and sacrificing certain freedoms along the way, I was in a very negative frame of mind. Flipping that perspective into a bright and positive outlook has been an amazing experience. I'm grateful.

I made the 42 mile trip South this afternoon to visit mom and prepare a nice dinner for two. When I visit mom, it's usually a given we're going out to eat. Not today. Mom helped me in the kitchen too--and this experience was more memorable and meaningful to me than any restaurant visit. Mom was fascinated with the precise measuring and weighing of ingredients. We prepared lean ground turkey and bean tostadas with lettuce, tomatoes, onions and pink sauce (light sour cream and salsa mixture). We prepared two each with a side of pineapple and mango. The picture of this meal, along with anything and everything else I eat is on my Twitter food and exercise feed. Mom was amazed that this big, filling, deliciously satisfying meal checked in at 463 calories! I'm very blessed to have such an amazing mom.

We visited the cemetery after dinner to take some flowers to my brother Shane's grave. It's difficult to think it's been 13 years since his passing. Grandma and grandpa are right next to him too. It was a good visit to Sunset Memorial Gardens.

We enjoyed a coffee and conversation before I returned her home and headed for the lake for a 5K walk.
I had just started my walk when a severe thunderstorm watch was issued for North Central Oklahoma. I immediately contacted a co-worker who took care of getting the watch announcements on the air.  The goal was to get in my 5K walk, then drive back in time to cover storms on the air.  I was a little over a mile in when I got the call that the line was very organized and moving East/Southeast at 40 mph directly for our station's listening area. I had some time but not enough to finish this 5K. I could either try to run the rest of the 5K or turn around and walk at a quickened pace back to the car. I decided to turn around the way I came.  I did jog a little bit, maybe a minute? I did it long enough to realize I'm not there yet. I'm not quite ready for running. And that's okay.

I got back to the car and immediately headed North for my 42 mile race against Mother Nature. I beat her by 3 minutes. The first warning for Grant County was issued three minutes after I arrived.

I've talked a lot lately about getting a handle on my schedule and getting to bed at a decent time. But this is one part of my job that is always unpredictable. We cover weather 24/7. So we're always on call. It's almost 1:30am and I've got to be back here for my morning show at 6am.  I will adjust and do the best I can. I must remember to have some understanding and compassion for myself. I will likely work a split tomorrow, allowing for a long midday nap to make up for the sleep deficit tonight.

It's been a great day. I'm incredibly excited about it being June. I blogged every single day of May and to me that's a big deal! June 11th is my next weigh day and I can already tell I've lost weight. I have no idea how much...but I can feel it and see it. I've resisted taking a sneak peek. I don't own a scale at home--but it's right there at the YMCA, staring at me while I workout. And mom has a nice scale in her bathroom. But I'm a big believer in not weighing too often because of how it can affect our emotions, especially when we don't see a number we feel is fair.  Every three weeks is good for me.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 30th, 2014 A Personal Lifetime Record

May 30th, 2014 A Personal Lifetime Record

The incredibly long nap last night kept me awake until after 2am.  At 4:30am I was back up getting ready for work. Lucky for me, I was able to split the day and come home for a much needed nap before going back to finish the day. I needed it.

I was very efficient upon leaving the studio. I ran a couple of errands and then it was straight to the YMCA for a date with the elliptical. After an incredibly intense workout, I enjoyed Hawaiian Fajitas at a little Mexican restaurant not far from the Y and now I'm poised to go to bed relatively early on a Friday night!

The restaurant meal was planned and I was on target with exactly what I wanted and didn't want. I had a fairly good sized breakfast and lunch today, so the plan was to keep dinner under 500 calories and leave some room in the Calorie Bank for some fruit while writing this post. I avoided the chips, no guacamole (mine is better) and no beans and rice. I asked for corn tortillas instead of the usual flour they serve. With a small amount of steak, chicken, pineapple and shrimp in each one and a tiny smear of sour cream on each it was mission accomplished. And it was delicious.

I browsed the older tweets on my food and exercise Twitter feed before this planned dinner out in order to determine how long it had been without a restaurant meal. Twelve days. The last meal out was on the 18th with mom in Stillwater. After much thought and consideration, I believe this is a personal lifetime record! Twelve days without some kind of meal out?? That's not like me at all. But I like it. I like it a lot.

I've given much thought to this dramatic change in me. Struggle has been replaced with peace and calm. Confusion and frustration has been replaced by a degree of clarity I've never known. And this has me thinking on some deeper levels. At some point in the next few nights, I'd love to share with you some of my thoughts on this switch in direction. How does it happen? When does it happen? What elements collide to suddenly transform the mind and behavior? It's fascinating to me. When something fascinates me, it's hard to let it go until I unravel it and figure it out the best I can. I may not always be right and the conclusion might be one specific to my set of circumstances. However, the most remarkable thing to me is how many of us seem to relate on numerous nearly identical levels despite having different life circumstances.

I'm calling it a night. I've had my #lastfoodofday and I'm tired. I'm not setting an alarm tonight. A good long rest is what I need and I'm going to get it.

Thank you for reading.
Strength,
Sean

May 29th, 2014 It's About Time

May 29th, 2014 It's About Time

Last night I discussed time management issues and today I did okay until I decided a nap at 4pm was a good idea. In hindsight I should have pulled myself together, grabbed some fruit and hit the door for the Y.  I was tired today. Not because I didn't sleep well, because I didn't get enough. It's sometimes difficult to "listen" to my body because with all of the sleep issues over the last three years, my body constantly thinks sleep is the best choice in almost any situation.

I set the alarm for 5:15pm. The plan was simple and good. Up at 5:15, shoes on and to the YMCA for a workout--stop by Irene's house where my daughters and Noah were having a dinner get together for some quality visiting time--grab some Hawaiian Fajitas from the little Mexican place across town--help a friend with uploading pictures to their facebook page--write--then bed no later than 10pm. That was the plan.

But the nap was good.  It was so good, in fact, I slept soundly through my alarm at 5:15. And with the phone literally less than a foot from my face, I slept through seven missed phone calls and ten text messages. This might have been my body trying to tell me something.  I just wish it could have waited until after the planned evening to go into such a deep and restful sleep.  I woke at 8:30pm after a 4.5 hour "nap," completely disoriented--having a quick panic attack thinking I had overslept for work, then realizing what had happened. I sat on the edge of the bed doing my routine post sleep self analysis.  Wow, that was deep and amazing. I immediately recognized this feeling of fantastic--the feeling of good, healthy, solid sleep. On one hand I was in awe of how wonderful I felt physically and on the other I was completely upset with myself for allowing it to happen off schedule, so to speak.

I gathered my thoughts and decided to make it to the YMCA for a good workout on the killer elliptical (name I've given it), then straight home to cook something for dinner. Then I realized I needed some groceries. Hmmmm... Okay, revised plan--workout, groceries, home and cooking followed by writing then back to bed.

I ate dinner at 11:30pm.  I combined my dinner with my last snack--the calories were a little pricey at 749 total--but it was within my budget and it served as my #lastfoodofday. And it was quality. I whipped up some homemade guacamole using a small avocado, onions, tomatoes, ground black pepper and a serving of lite sour cream.  I made a 4 oz lean hamburger patty, put it on a 100 calorie sandwich thin and topped it with a slice of mozzarella and some of the guacamole. I added a pear and a serving of all natural brown rice chips.
The brown rice chips thing is a test. I wanted something to dip into my homemade guacamole. It was the only bag I could find that didn't contain sugar of some sort. The all natural sweet potato chips I wanted contain cane sugar. Now, the test is--can I have a "bag" of anything like this in my apartment and maintain sanity and portion control?  Stay tuned! 

I called all of the people who had been expecting me this evening and apologized for my absence. Everyone understood. I made sure to talk to Amber and Courtney and Amber even put the phone up to little Noah's ear. She told me he smiled big upon hearing my voice. That made me feel better.

I realized tonight how I've drastically cut down on eating out. I would have to go through my Twitter feed and count to be sure--but I know for certain it's been more than a week. I'm having a bunch of fun planning and preparing my meals, so I guess I haven't missed it really. I had planned on eating out tonight with those amazing Hawaiian Fajitas--and despite my revised schedule and plan to cook, I tried to grab them after my workout. When I pulled up to the restaurant at 9:55pm, it was obvious they were already closed. Maybe sometime over the weekend. It was back to my revised plan.

What am I going to do about my schedule? It's a struggle for sure. The elements involved are very important to me and my recovery. As upset as I was with myself, I did stop it before I started being abusive to myself. That's a major plus. I didn't dwell on it too long or allow it to influence me into making some bad choices in a rush. I could have grabbed a Subway sandwich, skipped the workout, finished blog and then dropped in bed trying to force myself back to sleep. But I knew better and wanted better for myself, despite the circumstances.

I'm proud of the way I handled this situation. I didn't let it negatively affect my resolve and that's serious progress. It still leaves me in a position to evaluate and correct my time management plan. But as a supportive friend said after reading my live-tweets through it all-- Rome wasn't built in a day. I've experienced a dramatic turnabout in the last 6 weeks. It's been a wonderful blessing and answer to a prayer, or many prayers actually. I've had life altering epiphanies that have had and continue to have positive deep seeded behavior changing effects. I'm happy. I'm sometimes burning the candle at both ends and struggling to define some self imposed boundaries to correct the sleep schedule--but I'm making it an important focus and most importantly, I'm not giving up in any way, shape or form.

Follow my Twitter feed for "in the moment" live tweeting of food and exercise each day. I also use the twitter feed to occasionally flex my sense of humor. It's fun! @SeanAAnderson

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 25th, 2014 Human Nature

May 25th, 2014 Human Nature

Carrying all of the equipment last night made me incredibly sore today. Wow. I guess I could say I had two workouts yesterday! I gave myself a break today on my workout  and it was good. I plan on doing a 5K walk tomorrow.  Thanksgiving 2008 was the first "Anderson Family Holiday 5K," and other holiday 5K's followed, so tomorrow I'll bring it back. Not today though...my goodness. When the rain was pouring and I feared my equipment might get destroyed, I carried heavy things quickly. I didn't even think about it, I just knew I had to get them somewhere dry. The soreness isn't a, "I hurt myself" kind of soreness, it's a good kind of sore, I suppose.

Food planning went well today. If you're a regular Twitter follower of mine, thank you! The accountability the commitment creates has proven to be remarkable. Every bite, every day...picture and calorie count. I've really embraced it and had fun with it along the way.

I visited my grandson Noah today. I had him all to myself for about 45 minutes. We had a fantastic time. He motivates me and inspires me to take better care. He's going to have a very young and active grandpa, for sure! We eventually watched some SpongeBob together and it's amazing how he becomes mesmerized while watching. Courtney tells me that he eats more when there's a TV within his view.  No TV, he eats much less. SpongeBob on, he'll mindlessly open his mouth for more. Isn't that interesting?? As someone who has done a bunch of mindless eating in front of a TV screen, I see how this might be a natural human thing. I mean, really--he's 10 months. He's so fascinating and smart! And he loves my phone...loves it.

I prepared a dinner for Amber and KL this evening. It was nice sharing a meal with them. I always LOVE our conversations. I grilled some chicken thighs and drumsticks with asparagus. It was something different. That's one of the biggest challenges I've had over the course of the last month, plus--having enough variety. I like what I like and I never force myself to eat something I don't. What I do like, I tend to have it often.  Preparing something new this evening was a good practice.

One thing I've noticed lately is not being hungry between meals. I believe in the "eat something every 3-4 hours" advice, because I get how the metabolism is like a wood burning stove.  Lately though, I'm just not hungry between meals. I do find myself occasionally having a planned snack because "it's time to give my metabolism something to work with," and I suppose that's okay. I certainly don't know everything about nutrition and the science behind it all, not even close, actually. And I'd really like to keep things very simple. What are your thoughts on this topic? If you're not hungry, do you skip the snack or eat it in the name of fueling your metabolism?  I'm afraid if I only ate when I'm hungry, I'd barely hit 1,000 calories a day. I'm not complaining at all. It's just something to ponder.

This is probably one of the shortest and quickest updates in recent memory.  You're welcome to see the food I eat on Twitter (link above) and friend me on MyFitnessPal, I'm SeanAAnderson on MFP.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 18th, 2014 Sean 1, Buffet 0

May 18th, 2014 Sean 1, Buffet 0

I remember not too long ago when I felt so far removed from any semblance of control. In that place it seems so hopeless and scary.  I'm grateful to be where I am today.  I feel strong and determined, like in the beginning of this blog.  It's a new day and I deserve to feel great.  You do too.

I visited mom this evening and we dined at a buffet. I wasn't the least bit inclined to do anything other than stick to the plan.  I selected a small lean sirloin, one slice of turkey breast, green beans, sauteed mushrooms, fresh strawberries, pear slices and a serving of cottage cheese with two crackers.  My meal checked in at 559 calories. I added 15 calories for a non dairy creamer cup for my after dinner coffee and conversation with mom and my aunt Kelli and her husband Tim. Kelli has lost 50 pounds in the last year by simply eliminating sugary soft drinks. Way to go Kelli!

I picked up some fruit and eggs from the grocery department at Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Store on the way home, then stopped at Walgreens for some paper towels. Both of these places have been my "dealer" at one time or another.  It feels good to walk in, buy what I'm after and be proud of my choices for a change. I'm sure it's confusing for some of the regular employees, "No ice cream tonight?"  No thank you, I got what I want and need.

I came home and decided to walk around my apartment community for a half hour. The weather has been beautiful here--perfectly cool for a nice neighborhood stroll.

I did a little cleaning tonight, planned out some food for tomorrow and I'm headed to bed!

Good day!  By the way, I've explained the recent identity/self love revelation to a couple of people over the weekend and they related to it in a powerful way too.  Lord knows it isn't something "new," but truly understanding how it works--experiencing the "click," after not properly understanding this my entire life has left me feeling renewed and even more empowered.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 14th, 2014 Doing Better With Food

May 14th, 2014 Doing Better With Food

I'm eating a lot better these days. It isn't easy and I certainly don't come by it naturally. It takes effort and I'm finding it's a little more expensive at the grocery store. I still eat what I like and nothing I don't, I'm just taking a little more care in the selection and preparation of my food. I'm planning better and practicing patience. I'm slowing down and discovering how much I really enjoy the process.

I baked some large mushroom caps tonight. Oh my--incredible. I filled the center with a 1/2 serving of marinara, 1/2 a 35 calorie wedge of Laughing Cow Light French Onion and topped it with a 50 calorie slice of mozzarella.  I baked it at 350 for 40 minutes (probably too long--25-30 would work). It was like eating a mini mushroom pizza without the crust.  It was phenomenal.  I used Newman's Own All Natural Marinara. After dinner I looked at the label and discovered it contained sugar.  Hmmmm. I'm doing a fantastic job staying away from simple sugar and the results have been wonderful. The results I'm talking about is no binges and no crazy mind fights thinking about a binge. I'm not sugar free, after all sugar is listed as an ingredient in my 10 calorie a teaspoon non-flavored coffee creamer. But I've cut it most everywhere else. In fact, I may have cut it out completely except for the coffee creamer because I can't pinpoint any other obvious source.  I'll be looking for a sugar free marinara or I'll make it myself. Tomatoes and spices--and I will be making the mushroom pizza caps again.  Mushroom Pizza Caps...I like that name.

The sugar/binge/urge to binge correlation is something you hear people talk about all the time.  And for the longest time I didn't want to believe it or accept it. Now that I'm a little more studied on how addiction works, I believe and fully accept. It helps that I've opened my mind enough to hear what the people around me are saying.

I don't feel deprived either. I'm eating, I'm hardly ever hungry and I'm focused. And that's a huge blessing for me.

The workout tonight was cut short at 20 minutes when my neck started bothering me.  I slept on it wrong or something and now there's a low hum of tension that's hard to ignore. I was distracted. 20 minutes on that killer machine is still good. And I'll be back on it tomorrow.

I'm headed to bed with the my calorie bank closed until tomorrow.  I post a picture and calorie count of everything I eat on Twitter (@SeanAAnderson), you're welcome to check it out. I've developed hashtag for the last thing I eat everyday. It's #lastfoodofday.  That simple hashtag puts a bookend on my food and sends a message to my brain: That's it, Calorie Bank closed, come back in the morning!

I must pay closer attention to my time management. I upset my sleeping schedule over the weekend by staying up too late both nights. I'm still trying to correct. I am sleeping better with the new mask. Much better, actually.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 13th, 2014 It's Time To Feel Good

May 13th, 2014 It's Time To Feel Good

The young man I wrote about in last night's blog did a fantastic job on the air this morning. Anyone who listened had to agree. He called at precisely 6:40am to the second and I went straight to air with his call. No pre-air chat prior and he handled it like a pro.  If he was nervous, I couldn't tell. I can't count how many people I've tried to interview, most of them about their own business--and they can't do it. The thought of broadcasting live over the air and knowing people are listening is too much for some to handle. But not this young man, not this morning. He was on. And he was awesome.

By the way, if you're not local to me and you want to listen to my morning show, you can online and even on your smart phone.  The phone app is called FreeStreams...download it, then search for 100.7FM KPNC. On your PC or Tablet, visit www.poncacitynow.com and click the "listen live" drop down menu, then select KPNC.  I should have included that in last night's post.

The way I've felt lately reminds me of the very early days of this blog. The level of determination to reclaim my healthiest weight is very much iron clad.  What's great about this time around is understanding myself so much better than before.

I'm also of the mindset, I'd like to have a do-over on being at a healthy weight. I wasn't equipped to properly handle it before. I was dealing with so many new experiences and emotions I didn't expect while I was living at goal.  In some ways, I felt like a stranger to myself. When I started to regain, it was almost like an attempt to get back to the place where I was most comfortable emotionally. Not physically, of course, but emotionally.  Anyone who's lost a "looks like a completely different person" amount of weight knows what I'm talking about when I say it felt strange to look in the mirror or at pictures...is that really me? I don't see myself like that when I close my eyes. I don't remember having a dream where I was at a healthy weight. I was still a morbidly obese person in my dreams.  It was as if my brain was rejecting the new me. This isn't an excuse of any kind, it's simply an interesting dynamic. I quickly realized all of my problems didn't magically go away because I was physically different at 230 pounds. I was so disappointed.  I often talked and wrote about this other work involved, but clearly I was hoping it would be far less work.

What it says to me is this: The inside work is just as crucial as the food and exercise. And ultimately, the inside work will not be denied. If it's ignored, it will assert itself in whatever way it needs to get the attention and care it demands and rightly deserves. Failed relationships? Did it. Self-destructive behaviors? Yep. Gaining back over half the weight I lost despite having so many wonderful reasons to take the best care? Of course.

The goal now is a more balanced approach. It's an approach where I pay just as much attention to what I need emotionally and spiritually, as I do to what I need physically. I want to speak to a group someday, just as Phil Werdell did last week, and talk about my 27 years of recovery and maintenance. Or as Gerri does all over the world with her 21 years of maintenance.

What's the best thing about feeling the way I do right now, today? It's discovering that the horribly hopeless thoughts I had while in free fall were all lies. It ISN'T impossible to reclaim the resolve and peace we once enjoyed. I know how it feels to be so out of control, in such a cold dark place---where thought after thought is diametrically opposed to what's better and you feel compelled, like your choices are not your own, as if you're possessed and being taken for a ride you'd rather not take...but you can't get it to stop. Or so it seems. If that's where you are, please believe me--it's not what it seems. There is hope. Don't give up, okay?? Please don't.

The truth is, you may not be a food addict. Seriously! You may be an emotional/stress eater, but not a food addict. Or maybe you're both, like me. If you want to get a better idea, visit foodaddiction.com where you'll find some key questions to ask yourself, questions that can help you have a better understanding one way or the other.

My Calorie Bank and Trust was solid today.  I had a craving for chili dogs yesterday so I grabbed some 98% fat free turkey dogs, some turkey chili and some swiss, among several other things. I put together a couple of Turkey Swiss Chili Dogs for dinner tonight--and oh wow, only 190 calories each.  It'll be a long while before I want those again, but I'll claim a victory in finding a way to change the errant, once in a blue moon chili dog thought, into something I could easily fit into my budget. I also cut up a small sweet potato and baked 'em into homemade sweet potato fries.  The pictures are all on my Twitter feed.

I had a good, sweaty, wonderful workout on the orange trimmed elliptical at the YMCA tonight. Thank you Katrina and The Waves for the boost. I agree, it's time to feel good.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 11th, 2014 Mother's Day Out

May 11th, 2014 Mother's Day Out

Today was a good day off work.  I slept in, prepared a wonderful breakfast, made a trip to Stillwater for lunch with Mom on Mother's Day and I came home and cooked a good meal for dinner.

Mom and I enjoyed lunch at a place called McAlister's Deli.  I hadn't been there before, mom had and she assured me it was very good.  My main thing when dining out is nutritional information. I immediately scanned the menu and didn't see any counts. So I asked for a nutritional pamphlet and I was told all of the information was online, which I had already searched for and was having trouble finding. So I said, "surely you have something with printed nutritional information, somewhere."  And yes, they did.  But they only had one copy. The manager was very nice and allowed me to look it over before ordering as long as I promised to give it back. I settled on the McAlister's Club 1/2 sandwich and a cup of fire roasted vegetable soup with four saltines for a total of 446 calories. I finished and was still slightly hungry and since I had plenty of room in my calorie budget, I started thinking about what I could order next.

This could have been where it all goes bad.  And I almost ordered another 1/2 sandwich, but settled on another cup of soup and 4 more crackers, for an additional 116 calories.  Turns out that was all I needed, because I felt satisfied afterward.

Mom and I had a great conversation, not necessarily about food and exercise--no, we always go deeper. We talked about our experiences and the mental and emotional dynamics of why we do or don't do things. It was a good talk and a wonderful Mothers Day.

I have a list of certain foods I will not keep around my apartment. The list has grown, especially over the last couple of years.  It's a trial and error kind of thing.  I once thought I could keep a box of low calorie reduced fat ice cream treats in the freezer...and I do well when I'm sharing with someone else, but alone it's another story.  I'll keep going back until they're gone.  On the list it goes.  Block cheddar cheese...OMGoodness, I love block cheddar--especially extra sharp.  But again, it's one of those foods I get a little crazy around. Peanut butter--when my oldest daughter Amber was living with me, she would occasionally buy peanut butter.  After one too many trips to the jar I requested she hide the jar where I wouldn't look.  Guess what? That didn't work either. One night, okay--check that--several nights, I'd go on the hunt and eventually find the jar...In the laundry room...very sneaky...she even hid it in a small metal container on an overhead shelf. I knew I had a problem with peanut butter long before I asked her to hide the jar (that I found every time), I suppose I was greatly underestimating my addiction.  What else is on the list?  Let's see...

Bagged chips of any kind
sugar (of course)
Cottage cheese (I occasionally make an exception as long as it's the small container--because even if I ate the whole thing, it would only set me back 400 and something calories.)
Cookies
snack cakes
or any other sugar filled thing
pretzels
saltine crackers (I only eat these in controlled portions, either in a restaurant or as a guest in somebody else's home.)


I bring this topic up because I bought a wheel of Laughing Cow Light Swiss cheese spread wedges last night. As I ate the first two, I tweeted the picture with "Grabbed a wheel of these tonight. I'll see if I can control myself around them..."

There's only two left...24 hours later.  At 35 calories each, not too big of a deal. But I'm being very cautious and very aware of my behavior.

I haven't felt this solid and headed in the right direction since my initial weight loss and that feels amazing.  because I'll tell you--when you're out of control and gaining weight, it sometimes feels as if it's impossible to ever get back in control again.  It's a scary place to be. I've been there.  And I'm here to report and prove, it's not impossible.

I'm so happy, so blessed to be in the mindset I am now--once again.  And now, I'm going to do whatever I need to do to protect it.  That's why I'm documenting each day every night on this blog and that's why I'm tweeting pictures and calorie counts of every single thing I eat--along with the corresponding MyFitnessPal entry. It is what I need to do for me. You're welcome to join me on both!  Twitter: @SeanAAnderson And I'm simply SeanAAnderson on MyFitnesspal.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 10th, 2014 Didn't Even Give It A Thought

May 10th, 2014 Didn't Even Give It A Thought

I didn't have any issues sleeping in this morning.  It was still a little under five hours, but I made sure to grab a nap this afternoon.  I'll have an opportunity for a full eight hours tonight! The new full face mask for my cpap machine is doing wonders for me.  It's a dramatic difference in my energy level day to day.  Getting good rest is crucial for this journey we share.

My first order of business today was a broadcast at an annual event for the Ponca City Library. This is the fourth year in a row for this broadcast and I've done it the last three.  What was nice for me about this public appearance today was not experiencing negative feelings about weight gain.  After getting past the panic attack Thursday night, I feel like I've crossed over into a healthier mental state. I was strong and confident today.  A friend of mine told me I was hitting my stride and they're right.  I believe this stride helps alleviate the negative emotions associated with gaining weight once lost, then returning to places, events and people who remember you much smaller.  I didn't even give it a second thought today. Actually, I didn't give it a first thought until I started thinking about it long after the event came to a close.

It's not too hard to find numerous places in the archives of this blog where I am super excited and completely focused on success.  I'm getting back into that mindset fairly quick and it's a great place to be.  It's a powerful purpose driven pursuit, where time is divided into different sized chunks depending on my difficulty level on any given day.  When I'm feeling like I did today, I'm looking ahead to all kinds of positives and when I'm feeling challenged and tested, my focus narrows down to just getting through that particular day, or even a specific day part or hour.  My emotional/mental security is tightened and relaxed according to my perception in any given moment.  And I'm very happy to report my perspective is dramatically improving.

I prepared fajita tostadas again tonight, this time with 93/7 lean ground turkey.  I've prepared this meal three times this week, trying steak, chicken and now turkey and they're all good. I think my favorite is turkey.  See the food pics on my twitter feed: www.twitter.com/seanaanderson

I decided on a late night walk at the trail for my exercise today.  I took a trip to Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Store before my walk.  I know what it looks and sounds like--but no, I wasn't after a binge, I was after their grocery department for fruit, eggs and some of those Laughing Cow Lite Swiss cheese wedges. On my way into the store I ran into a couple of people I know really well. We exchanged pleasantries while walking in opposite directions, them leaving, me arriving. And it wasn't until I was inside the store that it dawned on me how they might have had the wrong impression. And I get that--most people don't go to Braum's for the fruit and eggs--most people go for the banana splits.  I'm very careful and very deliberate when I walk in there now--I know what I'm after and I don't allow any deviations from my list, unless it's more of what's on my list or something else good for me.  Believe me, I've had enough binge trips to Braum's over the years to last me a lifetime. I grabbed my stuff, checked out and headed to the trail.

I was planning on pushing for a 5K tonight but instead I stopped at 1.7 miles.  I might need to consider a new pair of shoes.  The top right hand side of my right foot starting hurting pretty good. I think my shoes are a touch too big and I'm not getting the kind of firm support I need. On the elliptical at the YMCA, it doesn't effect me because my feet stay planted in one position as my body moves. Walking (and perhaps running someday) requires a little more support.

Tomorrow I'm headed to Stillwater to see my mom and our visit will include a Mother's Day lunch out somewhere. I'm discouraging Mexican food. I love Mexican for a few reasons, aside from taste--I like that I can count calories quickly and easily with Mexican food...And I have some set personal rules that keep me in check when visiting a Mexican restaurant. We'll be picking another kind of place. I guess I should let mom pick the restaurant and I'll navigate the menu and calories wherever we end up.  This could be interesting.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 9th, 2014 Understanding What Works For Me

May 9th, 2014 Understanding What Works For Me

I was up way too late last night. My schedule has a few "subject to change without much notice" type things built in, so it happens. Last night was weather coverage of some non-severe storms that moved through and gave our area some much needed rain.  When storms like that move through, it's important for us to clarify the intensity on air in a nice calm fashion. If it isn't severe, we say it, because sometimes the least threatening storms can look and sound very threatening. Although last night's storms weren't classified as severe, we had reports of lightening triggered fires. One strike destroyed a tractor-trailer rig and two or three other adjacent vehicles. So much for "non-threatening" storms.

I must react and adjust on the fly sometimes when the schedule abruptly switches direction.  I hadn't planned on having a restaurant meal Thursday evening, but the alternative would have been a midnight dinner and that wasn't going to work for me. I almost didn't write last night's blog edition because it was so late, but I'm glad I did.  I must be willing to be extremely brief in those type of situations and that's very tough for me. Brevity has never been a strong point.  When I'm recalling situations and the accompanying emotions, I'm compelled to go deeper than a few bullet points. John Motta shared a quote from Flannery O'Connor on my facebook page a little while back and it fits: "I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say."

My day started out in a rush. I woke up late and scrambled to pull myself together. Good thing I'm sleeping much better these days, otherwise I don't know if I could have done it today. One thing I mustn't ever sacrifice is breakfast.  Whoever first said it's the most important meal of the day was right.  It sets the tone for me.  I do my best to start each day with a meal I feel good about.  It's often the same thing or a slight variation of the same ingredients and that's okay.

Last Tuesday we had special guest Phil Werdell M.A., director of the Acorn Food Addiction Institute and one of the founders of foodaddiction.com on our weekly conference call support group.  He shared many things I needed to hear.  One of them was how he still measures and weighs his food the same as he's done for the last 27 years of maintenance.  It drove home the point that this isn't ever going to be something that is over and any resistance to this fact doesn't end well for someone like me.

The attitude adjustment needed for acceptance of this heightened awareness and critical self care is paramount to my recovery and successful maintenance down the road. It does take more time, it is an investment in me that must be made because I'm worth the effort.  It's a shift in perspective.  When I think about the commitment I've made, I realize the extra effort is a small price to pay in exchange for living the best life possible. I don't want to ever go back to my 500 pound existence and without the effort, that's exactly where my body will go. Is it fair???  You know what I mean? Some people never need to worry about this stuff.  Their natural genetics affords them the ability to maintain their optimal body weight or somewhere close to it without too much trying.  But it goes further than genetics. A lot of people are not food addicts either and perhaps they have a natural inclination to exercise regularly. And that's a wonderful thing for them. If it's fair or not isn't even something to waste time considering because it is what it is. The fact of the matter remains: If I choose to not make this part of my life a top priority, it will eventually kill me. End of story. And when you think of it in those terms, you quickly realize all energy wasted entertaining jealousy and envy of those not affected is energy better spent on taking better care in recovery.

The dynamics are different for me now. I lost 275 pounds without ever logging my food, let alone documenting every meal and snack with a picture and a tweet. Things change, we change and the more we experience and process, the more we're affected by it all. In other words, what worked for me then worked because it was new to me, it was all brand new. In my experience I've grown and I've learned so much about me along the way. This blog has been like a Phd for me about me. And if I had to explain where or how the train left the tracks, I would say: I mistakenly took the freedom weight loss provided as a license to be less aware and less diligent. Hey, I'll eat when I'm hungry, I'll exercise regularly and this maintenance thing will be a breeze!  My new found freedom and relatively "normal" physicality fooled me into believing that suddenly I might be able to be "normal" in all the other non-physical ways. But it doesn't work that way.  And the quicker I came to terms and peace about it all, the quicker I could be where I am now--headed in the right direction with plenty of good ahead of me, God willing. And this direction and understanding of what's required doesn't mean it will always or ever be easy. It will be largely what I make it and that depends on the attitude and perspective I choose. 

I did another 30 minutes on the elliptical this afternoon at the YMCA.  I'm so glad I was able to get past myself and get in there the other day. It feels so good to be back in that building.

I stopped by the store this afternoon and picked up some chicken for a fabulous dinner. Earlier in the week I made steak fajita tostadas and I was very pleased with the results of my cooking experiment.  Tonight I made them again with chicken. Oh my...incredible.

The Calorie Bank and Trust was solid today.  If you're interested, my food diary is public on MyFitnessPal--simply search me by username: SeanAAnderson.  Food pics with calorie counts are constantly tweeted throughout each day at www.twitter.com/seanaanderson These two elements are accountabilitcy tools for me and they're working beautifully.  And join me on facebook if you haven't already, www.facebook.com/seananderson505

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 8th, 2014 Panic!

May 8th, 2014 Panic!

Today was a good day, although a little more challenging.  It's insanely late as I write this, so I'll be brief.
I returned to the YMCA today for another good workout. It was a little easier today and I was free of the mental/emotional stuff I carried there yesterday.

I ate well today--posting pictures of all food to twitter and I enjoyed a couple of nice twitter conversations.

This evening came and I was met with a challenge. I was asked to introduce a band from the stage of the Poncan Theatre in front of a pretty good sized crowd.  I hadn't stood on that stage in a while and I wasn't comfortable with this at all.  I wanted to say no but I didn't know what excuse to give.  I was scheduled to be there anyway--so it's not like I could conveniently have somewhere else to be.  So I said yes.

I got a haircut today and picked up a nice jacket for the occasion.  And I was okay until ten minutes before walking out on stage.  Then I started having a panic attack.  I went through a phase of panic attacks back in my stand-up comedy days.  I had been fine the first few years of my stand-up career and then suddenly, for whatever reason, I started having panic attacks prior to being announced...every show, every time---the racing heartbeat, face turning hot, breathing difficult--- and after six months or so the panic attacks stopped. Tonight was the same thing-- rapid heartbeat, sudden hot-red face, breathing difficulties...

After being on that stage so many times while at goal--it was just too much for me to process standing up there again--not right now. I was a self-talk champion tonight.  I just kept telling myself, over and over, you're good, you're good, these people love you, breathe, breathe, breathe...

As I was entranced with this self-talk panic attack management strategy, the orchestra leader approached me to go over the plan.  They would go out first, start playing a vamp, then I could come out speaking over the music.  Okay, got it. Wade Tower, the star of the show, came over and suggested I do some stand-up, whatever I wanted to do, "hey, sing a song!"

Before I could process everything, the band started playing and it was my cue.

Heart racing, feeling like I was about to have a heart attack--I made it out there.  I didn't do any stand-up bits and I didn't sing (thank goodness)! I stuck to a pretty tight script.  I didn't relax and loosen up or do anything extra. I did exactly what I was there to do: Make some announcements and introduce Wade and the orchestra. 

I had a minute or two of material ready and I wish I would have been able to loosen up enough to try it, but this wasn't the night.

I finished and immediately left the venue.  I had work to do--and less than an hour later my work was interrupted with weather reporting.  Eventually I ordered dinner from a local Mexican restaurant because I knew it was going to be a really late night.  My strategy was simple: No beans, no rice, 10-12 chips counted out--the rest of the bag crushed and thrown in the trash, corn instead of flour taco shells and chicken for a filling.  I ordered two crispy chicken tacos and a small guacamole and chips.

The road back seems much harder than the initial trip.  But I'm loving it and learning through it.  And I'm going to make it just fine.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean    

April 30th, 2014 The Importance of Importance Level

April 30th, 2014 The Importance of Importance Level

If you enter the term "Importance Level" into the search box at the top of this blog, you'll get back a bunch of results. I've written about it many times because it is crucial to my recovery and success. Importance level isn't defined by words. It's defined by actions.  Deliberate actions.  And speaking from experience, it's something that can easily slip long before we're even aware of the slippage. That's why I'm being extra diligent, extra aware--you can even say the word "obsessed," that's cool with me, because if you're going to be obsessed about something, taking extraordinary care has the fewest drawbacks.

Documenting my food intake through the MyFitnessPal diary and food pics with calorie counts on Twitter has been an added diligent practice I didn't do while initially losing weight. I didn't even write things down back then, opting instead to keep track of my calories in my head with a running total always front and center in my brain.  It worked.  I was wildly successful without these added accountability tools.  I need them now. It's interesting, with most anything else, once you successfully do it, subsequent times are usually easier.  Maintaining a balance with food and exercise, losing weight as a result and taking extraordinary care seem to be something of the opposite. These added tools are important for me.

My Wednesday was a little more stressful because it was the last day of the month. I navigated the calorie budget well, stayed busy and still found time to take care of me.  It was late by the time I hit the walking trail, and I almost took another pass--until I realized, wait a second--I took a pass yesterday, I can't take another.  If the schedule is putting me on the trail at 9:30pm, when I need to be in bed--then I need to take more control of the schedule.  I decided that even if I only made it around once (.83 miles), it would still be a victory.  Once I got out there, I made it around twice and back to the car for 1.7 miles.  Bonus!

Backing up a little-- I had a quick grocery shopping trip in the middle of the day and I tried something a little different.  I put in my ear buds and listened to music that motivates and inspires me, while I shopped.  I turned it off when I got in line, of course--but the effect while shopping was fantastic.  I zipped in, right past all the stuff I didn't need and straight to the things I was after.  Nothing, no errant thoughts or compulsions--just feeling good and motivated, inspired while grabbing what I needed...and nothing I didn't.  I think I may take more and more musical grocery shopping trips.

Last night's dinner out was interesting and challenging. I had a planned dinner at an Italian restaurant--and it was complimentary, so how could I say no?  Well, actually I could have said no.  But I was confident I could navigate the selections well. The first thing that comes to mind is to be extra cautious and I was. I ordered a grilled chicken breast and grilled shrimp. I had a tomato based chicken and veggie soup as an appetizer.  When the plate arrived it looked loaded.  The chicken was buried under tomatoes, mozzarella and what appeared to be severely under-cooked bacon.  The side of spaghetti with a simple tomato and spice sauce looked much worse than it was.  I enjoyed the chicken breast minus all the stuff loaded on top, the shrimp and part of the spaghetti. I left feeling confident about my choices and my calorie budget was intact--barely, but intact none the less.  There are some things I could have done differently to make it easier and I'll implement those things the next time I'm offered a complimentary meal in the middle of a calorie bank minefield.

Another good day in the books. Thursday promises to be much less stressful and that's good!  I have a special guest on my show Thursday morning from Serbia. He's in town to study our chamber of commerce and tourism department. Looking forward to the show!

If you're inclined, you can follow me on Twitter: @SeanAAnderson Twitter is where I post the majority of my food pics along the way.  MyFitnessPal username is SeanAAnderson --where I keep a food/menu and exercise diary.

My importance level is very high!

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

April 28th, 2014 Turning Off The Self-Judgment

April 28^th, 2014 Turning Off The Self-Judgment

I'm a creature of habit. My breakfast menu usually has two options: Eggs and sometimes cheese, wrapped in a Joseph's 60 calorie pita, or placed on a 100 calorie sandwich thin if the pitas aren't available. Or steel cut oats and perhaps a few scrambled egg whites. Rarely, in a tight pinch—if I wake up too late to prepare, I've allowed a fruit and maple oatmeal and scrambled eggs or a fruit and yogurt parfait from McDonald's. I've pretty much concluded the McDonald's Oatmeal and the parfait options need to go simply because each contain a significant amount of sugar. And for me, sugar is like a drug.

Is it possible for me to start my day with a double dose of sugar and still maintain my calorie budget throughout the day? Yes, I've done it. But, in making those choices I'm choosing to make things much harder. And just to be fair—I've started the day like that many times before and spiraled out of control in a feeding frenzy before sundown, check that—before noon. This cause and effect self-analysis isn't something I've always considered or realized about myself, it's a fairly new epiphany, as in the last couple of years.

When someone is just getting started and they ask me for advice, I stand behind exactly what I did from the beginning. I tell them to maintain a calorie budget and exercise, period. I tell them, “eat what you like and nothing you don't. Don't complicate this process. Get accustomed to eating less, naturally. Focus on maintaining the integrity of your calorie budget and you'll naturally evolve into making better choices along the way.” And I go on: “You can get fancy later. If you're like I was, simply cutting down to an intake best suited for weight loss is a big enough victory in the beginning. Start with this and allow your natural evolution of good choices to unfold.” Of course the conversation also turns to the emotional and psychological side of this very big battle most of us have in common. We all know this is about much more than food and exercise.  

I find myself in an awkward position lately. I have traveled over five years along this road and I've learned a great deal about myself and now I tend to be more critical of my own food choices. And some of those, like the sugar, for good reason. But what happens is, if I choose something that I've mentally noted isn't good for me, I immediately bring about negative feelings about what I'm doing. Does this make sense? I can make myself feel like a failure even when the choice fit nicely within my Calorie Bank and Trust. Even if it's something I enjoyed and even celebrated along the way of my initial success.

I didn't eat fruit and maple oatmeal from McDonald's this morning or a parfait. I did prepare my usual eggs and cheese wrapped in a Joseph's pita—and it was delicious. I had some fresh fruit for snacks and I enjoyed a fabulous lunch and dinner too. So where does this line of thought come from? I stopped at the grocery store on the way home. It takes me so much longer to shop now because I'm judging everything I put into my basket. Why am I doing this to myself? I believe it's because I've raised the bar of expectation very high. And while it's good to raise the bar as you go and ascend to new confident levels—I must recognize when retreating to the basics is imperative for my stability. If I continue to struggle living up to the highest expectations I've set for myself, then I'll continue to be disappointed in myself when I fall a little short. And the negative consequences of those emotions are not acceptable any longer.

I am retreating to the basics with a few exceptions. Anything high sugar or high fat is a minefield for me, so I'll tread lightly or not at all with those. I'm more specifically proclaiming: I will be less self-critical and self-judgmental. Because here's the bare truth: The barriers I've created within myself via shame and guilt—the avoiding pictures, the dreading public appearances and doing my best to avoid seeing people I haven't in a long while for fear they'll judge me or be disappointed in me---these barriers have been built with my own self-judgment and disappointment in me...and I've been amplifying and projecting it upon others. No more of that insanity. My fear of receiving this from others is actually a reflection of my own judgment!

In order to return to my healthiest weight and be more fit than ever, I have to embrace where I am, who I am and what I'm doing. And feel good about it 100%. And be kind to myself. Is it hard sometimes? Yes it is, very. And I don't necessarily understand all of the psychological dynamics of why I treat myself the way I do sometimes. But I know for certain that breaking this habit of self-sabotage is key to the healthiest visions of my future.

I'm headed to the trail for a good walk. It'll compliment all the stair climbing I did today. I don't even count the stair climbing normally—but today I noticed because it was unusually high between work and home, maybe 20 flights of stairs? That's fairly accurate.

I can't even begin to express how much consistently writing is helping me. It makes all the difference in the world. I look forward to so many incredible things ahead.

I'd love you to join me on twitter: @SeanAAnderson and on MyFitnessPal: SeanAAnderson

Thank you for reading and for your incredible support,

Strength,

Sean  

April 26th and 27th, 2014 Riding My Wild Schedule

April 26th and 27th, 2014 Riding My Wild Schedule

I've never been the best planner or the best routine/schedule keeper. My schedule often takes on the personality of a bull or wild bucking horse with me holding on for dear life. Taking better control over my schedule, or at least taming the beast enough for a smoother ride is something in need of my focus.

This time of year is wild for my professional schedule. With warmer weather comes more remote broadcasts on the weekends and of course we're diving into severe weather season, when our broadcast schedule is affected by the natural whims of Mother Nature. Both of these elements factored into my Saturday ride.

Writing and sharing about how I felt out in public after gaining weight was a great idea because it attracted exactly the kind of support I needed, encouraging me to shift my perspective and hold my head a little higher. The stories I create in my head during these public situations are just that, stories. And they're not accurate, serving absolutely no positive purpose.

I started my Saturday with a good breakfast and a 9am broadcast start at the YMCA. There was one person in particular whom I haven't seen in a long time and who I look up to immensely—and because my first interview choice wasn't immediately available, I interviewed him. He's the nicest guy you'll ever meet. As the director of the local YMCA, he's witnessed my weight loss attempt in 2004 and of course my Transformation Road starting in 2008. I look up to him because physically, he's what I desire for me. I don't know him well enough to say whether or not he battles weight issues—or more specifically, food addiction, but my best guess is he doesn't. But again, I have no business committing that guess to fact. Even still, he's so incredibly compassionate and welcoming—encouraging and positive—not a negative vibe from him at all, and he conveys all of that with a simple smile and warm greeting. I was at ease. I did my best to quiet the voices inside my brain telling me how disappointed he must have been to notice my obvious weight gain. I had to deliberately remind myself that I'm on the right track and I'm okay. I'm fine. No, really—I'm okay, I'm pointed in the right direction and that's a comforting fact. Besides, I haven't any business deciding what other people are thinking about me. And honestly—what many have pointed out, and it's so true: People aren't as focused on us as our brains would have us believe—they're mostly focused on themselves...and that's good.

My next stop was a museum and that was easy. The next three remotes scheduled all revolved around food: A smoked turkey leg fundraiser, The Big Battle of The Burger Cook-Off at Lake Ponca benefiting the Mission and a Dutch Oven Gathering of World Champion dutch oven cooks raising money for the Red Cross. I declined to be the talent for all three, passing them off to a co-worker and opting for the final broadcast of the day at a casino grand prize giveaway.

The time off between broadcasts gave me time to grocery shop, prepare a nice lunch at home and grab a nap before the final broadcast of the day.

The threat of severe weather was looming and looking likely after midnight and when severe weather threatens our broadcast area, I go to the studio to report the information. Instead of heading to the trail for exercise and sitting down to write this post, I headed to bed for a nap in order to be prepared for the overnight storm threat. And we did have some storms. By 1:30am, I was on my way to the studio.

Good thing this isn't a typical day's schedule. It's very important for me to do three things each day: Maintain the integrity of my calorie budget, complete some form of exercise and write in this blog. Those three things are of utmost importance. When I consistently journal in this blog, I become much more consistent with everything else.

My Sunday was interrupted by my Saturday schedule, simply because I didn't get to bed until morning and I slept until almost 1pm. It was mid afternoon before I had my first bite of anything.

A friend suggested a late lunch out at a restaurant. I've often taken great pride in my ability to navigate pretty much any menu of any restaurant and do okay. But right now, as I am today—no. I'm too fragile and I must stick with what's safe. I declined the suggested restaurant.

I planned on spending some time at Irene's house this evening with both of my daughters and my grandson Noah. They were planning a meal that sounded delicious but again—it wasn't what I wanted or needed right now. So I packed my own dinner and took it over! It worked out great!

That's just how important this is to me. I'm planning to win.

It's now late on Sunday evening and I'm ready to hit the pillow knowing that I did well today. And considering the craziness of my schedule this weekend, that's a pretty good victory.

I've decided to leave the food listing to MyFitness Pal. I'll still occasionally get specific—but for a complete peek into my daily food diary, friend me on MyFitnessPal –My user name is SeanAAnderson

I occasionally tweet food pictures on Twitter too—User name @SeanAAnderson

As some good friends have reminded me lately, it's one day at a time and sometimes, one hour at a time.

Thank you for reading,

Strength,

Sean 

April 24th, 2014 The Puzzle

April 24th, 2014 The Puzzle

The visit with the sleep specialist was powerful to me, like a wake up call of sorts. "How fit were you at 230?" Wow, great question Doc! Not too much, really. Sure, it was all cardio that got me there, never really kick starting the weight training I often fantasized about accomplishing.  I was satisfied with being much smaller and discovering the body underneath the thickness that was me for so long.  It wasn't the fittest body for sure, but miles from the five hundred pound body I maintained for so long. The fact that body composition plays a role in getting good sleep makes perfect sense.  Time for a new goal?  Time to strive for not just weight loss, but overall fitness? Time to hit the weights? Sure! But I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

First thing is getting regulated on a consistent schedule of maintaining the calorie budget, exercising and writing in this blog.  Those are the elements that worked before. Now here's the deal: For various reasons, namely the automatic compulsion to compare my performance today to what I did back then, I've found it isn't as simple as doing what I did from the beginning. There's a whole new awakening, volumes of study about myself that I was blissfully unaware of in the Fall of 2008. I may have referred to myself as a food addict back then, but I wasn't educated to know what all that meant and how it played a significant role in my life. So now, maintaining a calorie budget, exercising and writing consistently, requires an additional commitment to fundamentals all recovering addicts must embrace. Getting to a healthy weight and being more physically fit and living a life of good practice conducive to proper maintenance, is the goal.  It's about so much more than simply losing the weight.

A big part of this journey is being okay with me. Before I go into a thousand word explanation, I'll just leave it at that.  You know what I mean--self compassion, turning off (or at the least-turning down) the critical voice inside that keeps insisting I'm not good enough or not deserving enough or whatever. I'm not a therapist, but I talk with one regularly. What I've learned has been invaluable to my understanding of the human science, the petri dish of experience that has grown into me today.  The common misconception is that knowing and possessing a better understanding of these connections automatically makes breaking away from their hold easier. It does not. I've gained significant weight throughout my therapy process but I've also gained an invaluable education about me.  So what good is it?  The important thing, in my opinion, is to realize it's only a piece of our puzzle. And putting our puzzle together requires more than just having the knowledge of what we do and why we do it, it requires deliberate actions. Simply having a good idea of where the pieces fit doesn't solve the puzzle, you gotta get hands on those pieces--you gotta be willing to physically work the puzzle.  Is it always easy? NO.  Will we get stuck occasionally? YES.  Do we give up and wipe the puzzle into the floor? NEVER.

And from this day forward, this blog will be about deliberate actions. If you've read from the beginning of this blog or at least part of the first couple of years, you'll recognize exactly what it is.  A daily diary.  Now...I can't guarantee I won't go off on a philosophical tangent every now and again, because it comes very easy for me to do---and I'll occasionally get creative--but for the most part, it could get a little boring along the way...at least until you see what's happening and how it's unfolding.

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I hit the snooze bar twice this morning for an additional 18 minutes of sleep.  By the time I hit the floor there wasn't much time for anything but the routine of getting out the door on time. Abbreviating my time for prayer and meditation isn't the best thing to do, but it's often what happens after a night of restlessness.

I make coffee and start breakfast (three whole eggs wrapped in a 60 calorie Joseph's Pita) cooking on low while I get showered and dressed. Multitasking all the way to the door with exactly enough time to drive to the studio, sit down, key the mic and sound as if I'm the most refreshed person in the world.  "Good morning, it's 68 degrees--warm start for us as we go to New York for the latest from ABC..."  I made it.  And I'll be okay until the 10am split.

My employer has allowed me to adopt a split shift schedule throughout this sleep crisis and it's worked relatively well.  I'm toast without the midday nap, so for the most productive version of me in the afternoon, it's become fairly important.  This split schedule isn't ideal really and I look forward to getting my sleep puzzle sorted out and put together so I can function in a more normal way.

I cooked a large and lean sirloin steak during my midday split and it served me for lunch and dinner.  I prepared steak and cheese crunchy tacos for lunch with mozzarella and salsa and for dinner I made a big steak and cheese omelet. I also snacked on apple slices today. I brought a bag of apples to work this afternoon to keep in the studio kitchen.

I arrived home shortly after 5pm and although I didn't plan on taking another nap, I quickly realized my body was insisting, so I complied to a regulated hour (alarm set) nap.  Prepared dinner, listened to a small portion of one of my favorite podcasts (Marc Maron's WTF), made a trip to the store and then to the trail for some exercise. I had a good walk.

My right leg seems to be improving and that's good. Because when it's swollen, it's very hard to justify any kind of exercise that might stress the leg and cause painful sores.  It's a catch 22--because the exercise helps me lose weight and the weight loss dramatically improves the leg swelling.  In order to continue exercising consistently, I'll likely need to start wrapping with compression bandages designed specifically for lymphatic issues. And that's okay.  Whatever it takes.

As I write this, I'm under my calorie budget for the day, I've exercised and I've written a blog post.  I'll be hitting the pillow shortly with the confidence in knowing that I did well today.  And this feeling, when duplicated consistently, has the power to create some seriously positive momentum!

Goodnight, thank you for reading,
Good choices,
Strength,
Sean

Chasing Endorphins

Chasing Endorphins

I hadn't made it a quarter mile when the burning in my legs started whining. I decided to focus on the music and not my legs. Would I get a 5K in this evening? Probably not and that's okay. I'm not back there just yet. At about the 3/4 mile point I noticed my legs feeling better and stronger. I was determined to make it at least 1.7 miles. By the time the 2nd lap of the trail was finished, I was so into my music and feeling good--I pushed it another lap, ending with a solid 2.64 miles. That's fantastic. I honestly felt like stopping that first 1/4 mile, but as I alternated between air guitar and air drums, I was thinking about how it was when I first embarked on this trail September 15th, 2008 at 505 pounds. I only made it 1/4 mile on that first day because I was convinced another step further would literally kill me. I knew pushing it tonight wouldn't kill me and I was after those mood altering endorphins. And I got 'em, I got 'em good.

I left the trail feeling accomplished. I felt proud and happy. I made it to the store, picked up a few ingredients I needed to prepare dinner and I cooked a meal I felt good about.

Today was a good day. The choices I made alleviated the familiar struggle I often feel in the evenings. Morning to late afternoon is often the easiest time of day for me because it's more structured with my work schedule. The evening is up to me. And when there aren't any boundaries and I'm free to navigate my evening in whatever way I choose--that's when it's the toughest.

I confided in a friend recently about how I felt like I was on the verge of a calorie bank meltdown. Instead, on that particular evening, I went to bed uncharacteristically early (7:10pm), thus avoiding what felt inevitable. It wasn't a bad move, really. I did what I felt I needed to do in that moment in order to maintain the integrity of my calorie budget. But after tonight, I must question, had I exercised, how would I have felt at 7pm that particular evening? I'm betting I would have been in a much stronger mindset, influenced by the bio-chemical reactions released by exercise.

It's a positive momentum dynamic. I exercise, I feel better, I struggle less (or not at all) and I ultimately feel great about my choices. And good inspires more of the same. I must keep this in mind the next time I'm on the fence about whether or not to exercise.

I'm a pro at finding fantastic reasons why I shouldn't exercise on any particular day. Granted, I've had legitimate circumstances for a while now because of my sleep issues. But now that these are being treated, I'm getting more rest. And suddenly a long work day doesn't seem like a good enough escape clause. And why would I avoid exercise anyway? I do quite often. But I can't recall ever regretting a good workout. Isn't that interesting? I always feel better afterward. Always. And since I listen to my favorite tunes while I'm doing it, I'm actually having a blast, (see the air guitar and air drums reference above.) I've even went so far as to play air piano, air violin and air upright base.  Will somebody see me? (Somebody did this evening--I know, because they mentioned it on my facebook post) I don't care if they see me! This is what I mean when I talk about becoming "lost in the music." This is why I prefer to workout alone. My exercise time is my time to dream within the rhythm of the songs that inspire me. I've compromised before, trying not to embarrass my walking partner: I would often curb my enthusiasm. I will not curb my enthusiasm ever again! So if you've ever asked me to walk with you and I haven't accepted, please don't take it personal. It's just me being me...gloriously me!  

I've noticed a major positive difference since declaring to be more self-compassionate. The guilt and shame of regain is pretty much gone. I give an incredible amount of credit to the numerous people who have come forward, sharing their own stories of regain. Feelings of shame and guilt prefer to be alone for optimal growth. And because so many have shared with me their stories and their hope, I know I'm not alone, ever.
Getting back on track has been another big factor in alleviating the brutally abusive thoughts and resulting emotions. I know where I'm headed. And it feels good to be going in a positive direction. The hopeless feelings of a downward spiral always feel that way because of the decent. When we're back up and moving in a positive direction we suddenly realize there is hope after all.

I better wrap this up. I've enjoyed some wonderful perspectives on facebook recently. The other day I posted:

"I've heard from several people recently who have told me they're “starting over." First, realize you're not completely starting over. Now, you're armed with new information about yourself—some you may not have considered before now. Every “failed” weight loss attempt in my life wasn't a failure, it was a teacher. With this new perspective--approach with simplicity, confidence, and joy. And know: This time will be unlike any other because the focus is heavy on YOU and the real changes you desire,—the ones you once thought impossible...they're not, they're yours for the choosing."

Michael Prager, Author of "Fat Boy, Thin Man" commented:
 "I start over every morning, regardless of how yesterday went. I only have today."

Isn't that the most wonderful perspective we can embrace? What if we let go of yesterday and fully embraced today? Now, if yesterday was awesome, then fine---but still, today is all we have. Truly, this is a one day at a time road we're traveling.

I invite you to friend me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/seananderson505 On Twitter: @SeanAAnderson and on My Fitness Pal: SeanAAnderson

I keep most of my food pics and "in the moment" type stuff on twitter. I micro-blog and interact on facebook and I log my daily calorie bank, exercise and water consumption on My Fitness Pal.  And of course, this blog is...well, you're here...

Thank you for reading,
Goodnight and...
Strength,
Sean

Of Clarity and Perspective

Of Clarity and Perspective

Just a day after my Monday appointment, I received the call about my sleep study results, including the pressure needed and the home health prescription. The same day, the home health place called and starting working on my insurance company about getting me a new machine.  More on that in a moment!

Wednesday I transported mom to her eye specialist in Oklahoma City. I've been preoccupied during so many visits with mom and she notices every time (call it a mother's intuition). I can't count the times she's asked, "What's wrong, son?" or "Is everything okay?" And most of the time I would sugar coat my answer in an attempt to save her from worry. But she knew. She always knows when I'm "out of alignment" with my truest self. And instead of me "saving her" from worry by clamming up, her concern becomes amplified, because now she must play a guessing game as to what's wrong with her son.

Something was very different during this time we spent together. The difference maker is, I'm taking good care and I'm on the right track. I'm feeling good about myself. I'm maintaining a calorie budget again and I'm dealing with all stressful triggers head on, instead of ignoring them and simply managing the stress they create. We all know how I choose to manage stress. In other words, I'm taking charge of my life on different levels. I'm treating the root cause and not just managing the symptoms, if you will. My preferred treatment of "symptoms" is to eat, and eat some more, taking a temporary escape route where nothing is solved, only made worse by the added guilt and shame that floods in after the brief hiatus from caring. At that point, everything negative is magnified, the result of my natural coping mechanism.

It isn't easy to break away from these dynamics. Not easy at all. But when we declare our independence from these ingrained ways, positive things start clicking and we have some of the purest interactions with the ones we love.  My trip with mom on Wednesday was one of the best we've had. Mom's eyes are doing great, by the way. Again--no surgery needed and another checkup was set for late June. Mom said "I've laughed more this morning than I have in a very long time." I live to see that woman smile and her laugh is music to my ears. We discussed issues important to both of us, with some serious points along the way, but for the most part, we enjoyed observational humor and improvised "stand-up." It was pure joy to laugh so hard and feel so free and once again enjoy our time together, instead of being preoccupied with the countless distractions the quicksand of a downward spiral brings about.

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Getting the call from the home health supply place was good. A new machine with precisely the settings I needed was waiting for me. Upon arrival, I immediately noticed this paper attached to the wall:



I can personally attest to most of this list. If my recent doctors check up is any indication, I may have dodged the cardiovascular health issue, at least for now. It would have become a much more serious issue had I let it go, unchecked and rampant, without putting on the brakes and admitting it needed immediate attention.

I left their office with a new machine and a truckload of hope and anticipation of the incredible differences being properly rested will bring. I've had three nights on this new machine and the difference is profound. It isn't perfect as I try to get accustomed to a new headgear and mask, but even with this adjustment period, I still feel more rested than I have in three years. Exactly as I hoped.

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A little more than a month ago, I received a message from a man who said he wanted to meet and talk about his weight issues. He told me we had communicated once before about this, but now more than ever, he was ready to sit down and discuss how to start, because like many of us at one time or another, he was stuck in the place where the question "Where and how do I start" weighs heavier than any number we've seen on a scale.  We set a time to meet face to face at the studio and we talked for a while before walking to Subway for a low calorie dinner. If you condensed the resolution to our discussion down to three words, it was "keep it simple."

We met up again Thursday evening and it was a different man in front of me. He was thrilled with the simplicity of using My Fitness Pal for calorie counting. He had been maintaining his calorie budget despite an upside down schedule and a high stress kind of job that takes him to the streets of North Tulsa five nights a week. His recent doctors appointment showed a loss of 6 pounds. He's gained a confidence, calm and patience that was shining through with every word and expression.

He thanked me for taking the time to meet with him again and discussing this road we both travel. And I thanked him. Because let me tell you something---as much as he thinks I'm doing him a favor...he's doing me one equally significant. The support we give and receive is so crucial to our success. And he's the one doing this. He's the one shifting his perspective and making the big and small adjustments. He's the one inspiring, not only me, but everyone around him. He has a very positive road ahead and I'm honored to be riding shotgun.

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I received an email today from someone who has devoted the last several years to his education and in that pursuit has accomplished his goal of starting a profession that will serve him and many others for the rest of his life. As he prepares for the most difficult final exam of his new career, he was questioning if his reluctance to fully commit to losing weight and the better health it provides was justified or if using his intense education schedule as the barrier, was simply a "cop out." I spent some time thinking about and composing my reply and I think it's something very important to remember:

Whether it's a cop out or not depends on your perspective. My opinion is, it's a valid reason. That's my perspective. And there's a good reason for this perspective.

We both know that it was/is completely possible to take care of our calorie budget and exercise no matter the circumstances. I think we both agree there's a place, a zone that exist, where it doesn't matter...nothing penetrates...no stress, situation, emotion, nothing...nothing, nothing stands in the way... And that's all well and good, except it's missing something.

It's missing the element of self-compassion. When we're in that zone, we set the bar so high that suddenly any deviation whatsoever--even if not acted upon....yes, any deviation, even in thought---becomes a target for self-ridicule and negative emotions.  And that negativity starts an unraveling, then suddenly we feel like we're a million miles away again. This dynamic starts with a resolve based on perfection. Not necessarily perfection in our choices...but perfection in our consistent ability to maintain the budget and exercise.  When our thoughts and actions fail to live up to this level of perfection, we turn on ourselves with blame, guilt and shame...

We must include a level of compassion for ourselves.

I believe the pursuit isn't perfection, it's pursuit of a balance. That balance we're looking for is a place where eating good and exercising naturally becomes part of our daily lives, no matter what we're experiencing. And we accept that it doesn't need to be perfect. We accept that we shouldn't label every circumstance an "excuse" or "cop out." And we know the difference because we're intelligent people. In this "compassionate state," I believe we're actually able to accomplish more than we did before and in a more solid, sustainable fashion--because we're not sabotaging our emotions with negativity.  So the simple answer to your question is, no, it's not a cop out. 

This issue has been a big factor for me this time. This whole self-compassion dynamic has been key for me the last six weeks. I'm practicing compassion and I'm finding balance and success. It's like I'm learning to crawl again, lifting myself up and eventually walk again and then, I will run again. The pressure to be "perfect" has been dismissed, replaced by the ruling majority of better choices and taking one day at a time, one step at a time. And I'll get to where I envision and I'll arrive stronger than I ever imagined.

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Proud grandfather alert!!!
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The video below is my grandson Noah a day after he figured out how to crawl. He too is off to the races and soon he'll be walking, running and jumping. He doesn't ever have impatient thoughts about his development, because he hasn't developed the references needed to form and qualify them. Instead, he happily, confidently and patiently proceeds, doing his best...growing and learning, and progressing on a schedule unique to him. My tender connection to him was never more profound as it was while watching him become emotional and fight against taking his medicine. Without thought, my lip started to quiver and emotion swept through me, as if we had transmitting cables connected between us, feeling each others emotion on the deepest level. Dear Lord, I love that boy.

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Now that I'm feeling better rested, it's time to exercise more regularly. That's my plan as I continue on, maintaining my 1700 calorie budget. Giving and receiving support is a must-have element to my success. I'd love for you to connect with me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/seananderson505), Twitter (@SeanAAnderson) and My Fitness Pal (SeanAAnderson).

I'm teaming up once again with Gerri Helms to offer a weekly conference call support group where our small group gets on the phone and we talk about this road, we set individual goals, we share stories and we offer one another tremendous support. This group starts Tuesday March 4th at 7pm Central and every Tuesday after for 6 weeks. The group chemistry that naturally develops through our shared pursuits and struggles, is significantly positive. We still have some spots available in this group if you're interested. For more information, simply send me an email: Sean@transformationroad.com

Thank you for reading and your tremendous support,
Strength,
Sean