Monday, October 31, 2016

October 31st, 2016 Back In Time

October 31st, 2016 Back In Time

The following DDWL excerpt is from eight years ago, tonight, October 31st, 2008:

Day 46

Bad Mood Glares and Mini-Snicker Fares

There are some days that, for whatever reason, you're just not “in the mood”. Being in a bad mood can make things much harder than they need to be. This is when the challenge to stay focused and on track is the greatest. When you're “not feeling it”, you're making yourself vulnerable to temptation. One of the many things I've analyzed about myself is how mood effects my calorie intake and commitment. When starting this journey, I knew that in order to see this mission all the way to the ultimate goal, I would need to gain a much better understanding of my past attempts and behaviors. 

When you go about breaking down your personality and habits, it takes some real straight forward honesty with yourself. Being completely honest, admitting complete responsibility, and flat-out confronting horrible habits and tendencies within your own personality can be a very tough pill to swallow. 

My past experiences have shown me that the best way for me to go on an all out binge is to get in a real bad mood. The strategy is simple: I'm in a bad mood, so a double decker cheeseburger with bacon and mayo will taste good, and make me feel better. 

And it does, for about twenty minutes. 

After that, my bad mood would actually get worse when I realized how bad I had just wrecked my day. Then comes the “ah, the heck with it” attitude. Then it really gets bad. I've ended so many weight loss attempts using this pattern, now I know what to watch out for. Everybody gets in a bad mood once in a while. It's normal! 

I've heard people say that we “choose” to be in a bad mood, and we can just as easily “choose” to be in a good mood. And I understand that way of thinking, but I also know that sometimes despite our attempts to avoid it, a bad mood can strike. When it does my defenses have to be really high. I decided on September 15th that nothing was going to keep me from being totally 100% on track every minute of every day. And that means no matter what happens, good or bad, my calorie budget and commitment cannot be compromised, it's simply not an option. 

Some might say... “Well Sean, that's easy to say, but when I'm in a bad mood, I eat, that's how I deal.” ME TOO! That's what I've been talking about here. If you choose to accept your behaviors as “just the way it is” then you'll do exactly as I've done for the last twenty some years. I've had to recognize this and flat out battle this habit many times in the last 46 days. I had to deal with it today! That's why I'm writing about it tonight! 

If I give myself a little bit of time to think before I react, I can avoid making a horrible choice. That last sentence can cover a lot of things, much more than just food! I may look like a complete nut, but I'll even talk out loud to myself if I have to. “Get out of my head you crazy “pig out” thoughts! You're not winning this one.” 

Hey, whatever keeps me on the straight and narrow is perfectly fine with me. 

If we find it almost impossible to “choose” to be in a good mood, then we have to control the consequences of the mood we choose. I take great pride in being in control of myself, and when that pride and confidence is higher than the threatening mood I'm in, then I win every time. And after twenty-plus years of losing, it feels good to win!

Amber came home for the weekend today. We love having her home for a few days. I'm going to dress up my two daughters for Halloween and take them out to collect candy bars for daddy. 

Oh, wait...That's what I use to do. I can remember driving them around to trick-or-treat and “charging” them for the ride. 

“Girls, if you want this car to go to the next block of houses, then I'm going to need two Snickers and a Kit-Kat.” 

The longer they kept the chocolate coming, the longer we would trick-or-treat! 

Irene would finally have to step in and ban me from their bags, after all, they were doing all the work, and I really didn't need 4000 calories worth of chocolate in one night. My girls would actually hide their bags from me! Isn't that horrible? No, no, not horrible that they were hiding the bags, horrible that they felt they needed to. 

I guess the days of trick-or-treating is over for us now. In about ten or fifteen years I can look forward to charging my grandkids for trick-or-treat driving. Wouldn't want to break tradition would we? 

I'm kidding! No, I'm not. Snack size Snickers, man those things are little morsels of heaven. Hey, some things are harder to quit than others.

Have a fantastic day and thank you for reading Day 46. 

I'm still on top of the world over my 50-pound loss in 44 days. I feel like this is the beginning of a whole new life. Day 47 is just hours away, until then—Goodnight and...
Good choices
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That was a fun trip back in time!

"I feel like this is the beginning of a whole new life." Yes, indeed, it was. It certainly was. I've learned so much more in the eight years since that original post.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I met my daily water goal and I stayed well connected with support.

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The Hulk!!! I missed trick or treating with Noah--but he had a grand time with lots of family taking him around. I caught up with everyone after they were winding down. Noah wasn't feeling well--but he felt well enough to trick or treat! And of course, I dropped some treats in his bucket. And I didn't grab any!

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Sunday, October 30, 2016

October 30th, 2016 Short One

October 30th, 2016 Short One

I did some traveling today in the process of helping a friend of mine move. It was an amazing workout, for sure. I stopped in Stillwater on the way home to take mom out for dinner. We always have good visits.

I was looking forward to writing more, but I'm out of time.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal by 32oz and I stayed well connected with solid support.

Short one tonight.

I'll let the tweets take it the rest of the way while I hit the pillow.

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Saturday, October 29, 2016

October 29th, 2016 In A Good Way

October 29th, 2016 In A Good Way

I really took it easy today. I needed a day like today. I prepared for a dj gig this evening, a Halloween party, and basically did little else. Essentially, it was a day off, except for this gig tonight.

I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal and I had some good support interactions a few times throughout the day.

At the party tonight, I received what was meant to be a compliment, but it struck me weird: "If you lose any more weight, you're going to waste away. You're looking skinny." Immediately, my facial expression prompted the person to say, "I mean that in a good way." 

I've never felt better and I truly believe I'm at what I would consider my healthiest weight--but something about the word "skinny" bothered me a little bit. It's not a big deal at all. And I know it was a compliment, so I'll accept it-- but just for the record, being skinny, whatever that is, was never my goal--maintaining a healthy weight was and continues to be my goal, each day. I feel like I'm doing that well. I never thought in a million years I'd ever be referred to as "skinny."
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At tonight's party.

I think what happens is, someone might see me eating what I eat--or not eating something, or declining something, and this gives the impression that I'm still in weight loss mode. I'm not, of course. I'm in maintenance mode and have been for nearly a year. And it's the commitment to my maintenance plan each day that keeps me here, at a healthy body weight. I certainly understand how that might appear to be weight loss mode, especially from the perspective of someone I don't see very often.

It was a solid Saturday.

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Friday, October 28, 2016

October 28th, 2016 Hot And Ready

October 28th, 2016 Hot And Ready

Today's schedule came as a surprise. I knew I had two location broadcasts, but I didn't realize the first started at 10am. This dramatically shifted my plan. I had to make some changes on the fly. And that happens sometimes and I'm grateful I can do that without too much trouble. The key for me is being prepared. A 10am-2pm broadcast after a 6-9am morning show, with production in between, doesn't leave much time for planning and preparation.

I relied on my trusty backup plan of almonds, cheese, and a banana--this trio has come in handy on several occasions where I needed something fairly substantial but didn't have the time to prepare something or anything or anything, for that matter.

"Grab a bun, the burgers are hot and ready." Many of the location broadcasts I do involve free food. Today's 10-2 involved free hamburgers, hotdogs, potato chips and Halloween candy. "You ready for a burger?" I just kept saying "No, thank you, I'm good." But this particular grill master was becoming somewhat of a food pusher. After my third decline, he finally stopped suggesting.

It wasn't my food. 

And I don't sacrifice my plan. 

I can adjust my plan on the fly, if needed and IF the adjustments remain within the overall boundaries of my plan, but I don't sacrifice the integrity of the plan. I'd rather go without and eat sometime later than do something like that.

This recovery business, for me, requires a commitment to taking extraordinary care with my food--and that means maintaining the integrity of the food plan I've designed--the one that fits me very well--the one I truly enjoy. 

If I started sacrificing the integrity of my food plan to fit in or in the name of convenience because I didn't plan well--then it would be the beginning of the end and I'd quickly go back to 500 pounds. The key is in remembering: I make the choices for me. I refuse to be a victim of circumstance with my food choices. Because the truth is, these circumstances along the way never had to derail me--I always wanted them to derail me---I used them in my arsenal of rationalizations for the choices and food behaviors that were killing me while conveniently denying any amount of responsibility for my own behavior. But why?? Because a few basic human needs were being met: Certainty (or the appearance of certainty found in the illusion of comfort), variety and connection.

Anyway, not that I need to explain, but the buns contained refined sugar, for one--(I've been abstinent from refined sugar for 912 consecutive days and believe me, I'm not sacrificing my streak easily or casually--oh no, if ever I do that--and I pray I don't--but if ever I did, it would be an epic meltdown requiring me to ignore powerful truths I've learned about myself along the way) And although I could have eaten a burger with mustard--these were high-fat/high-calorie burgers--so then it becomes a simple calorie-value decision.

Do I really want to invest somewhere between 325-375 calories for a relatively small hamburger patty dipped in mustard?

I had my "holdover" food--the almonds, cheese, and banana--and I quietly enjoyed these, then during a break between broadcasts, I made it home and prepared two veggie pita pizzas for 345 calories, total--now there's a good calorie value comparison-- a small & greasy hamburger patty dipped in mustard or what was essentially four slices of pita pizza? I'm going with the low cal veggie pizzas. But that's just me.

I almost grabbed a to-go order on the way home tonight. It was late and I was really tired. But honestly, what I made for dinner really didn't take too much effort--and considering I'll likely dine out again over the weekend at some point, I decided to cook dinner at home. I really didn't want salmon two nights in a row--but it was a use it or lose it type thing. I picked up a little over a pound of fresh salmon on sale, cut into four servings--it came out to about two bucks a serving for fresh salmon and that's a steal, really--unless I let it go bad--so I had to cook it tonight. I didn't want to freeze this never frozen fresh fish.

I get to finally sleep in really well tomorrow morning. I'll easily exceed 7 hours.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I met my daily water goal. I had a decent amount of natural exercise from being on my feet and moving during six hours worth of location broadcasting. And I remained well connected with great support contacts.

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Thursday, October 27, 2016

October 27th, 2016 That's Good

October 27th, 2016 That's Good

Today was involved, work--followed by a short nap before an evening broadcast from an annual Halloween carnival. I did get some good exercise making my way all over the event--weaving my way around--and of course, I couldn't resist a photo op with my old friend, Ron...
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We don't see one another very often these days, for obvious reasons. But oh, the memories. The good ones--I remember waiting for Ronald to make an appearance at our local McDonald's when I was four years old. It was like meeting a celebrity back then--I didn't realize it was an employee putting on a costume--no, in my 4 year-old brain, that was Ronald McDonald from TV commercials!! And of course--I have more bad memories than good. What started out so young and innocent turned into an unhealthy dependency--an all out addiction. I can't count how many extra meals I secretly consumed through the drive through over the years. Of course, it wasn't a well-kept secret. The evidence was always in the floorboard of my car and on my 500-pound body. I'm grateful to not be in the drive through anymore. And I'm deeply thankful I'm not a 500-pound man anymore.

Ron doesn't recognize me these days. And that's good. 

I prepared some wonderful food today. I ate well. I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I met my daily water goal and I stayed well connected with good support.

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

October 26th, 2016 Those Jeans

October 26th, 2016 Those Jeans

Sorting through my clothes, I ran across a bag marked for donation. I knew I had put some jeans in there--possibly some I could now wear. I know there are some old Levi's 501's in there somewhere. I ended up coming across a pair of jeans gifted to me six years ago by a fellow weight loss blogger. I remember receiving this very generous package of clothing--all in sizes that worked as I approached 230 pounds all those years ago--and I remember coming across a pair of jeans on the bottom of the box that I just knew, had to be a mistake. A size 32 waist pair of Lucky Jeans. Forget it, I thought back then--even at my healthiest weight, there's no way those will ever fit.

I picked them up this morning and thought...Hmm...I wonder...

And they fit perfectly.

This wasn't a goal of mine at all. It's not like I was waiting for the day I could get into them--it just happened, and it was very nice. I've never worn Lucky jeans before--and my goodness, they're comfy! 
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Rather than posting a picture of these on my rear-end--I thought a comparison photo with my old size 64's might be a little more tasteful.

Today was a busy--but productive day. I'm dropping in bed within minutes. I broke my streak on 7 hours sleep last night, and that wasn't good. And tonight I'm struggling to make it. I'm actually setting my alarm later in the morning to compensate, and that's not a habit I need to start.

It's a work in progress, obviously.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily water goal, I worked out tonight at the gym and I stayed well connected with solid support.

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

October 25th, 2016 It Happens

October 25th, 2016 It Happens

I made the trip to Stillwater for an early dinner with mom. We enjoyed a great visit. I participated in the weekly Tuesday teleconference support group from mom's place--and then made an airport pick-up afterward. I planned well for this late night--or better, for tomorrow morning. I have a co-worker covering the first 30 minutes to an hour of my show. I'll still get 7 hours sleep as long as the storms hold off. There's a chance of storms--and if that happens, it happens. But no storms, and I'll get my 7 hours sleep.

Dropping in bed within minutes.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily water goal and I stayed well connected with great support. Despite the schedule, it was a great day.

Today's Accountability Live Tweet Stream:




























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Monday, October 24, 2016

October 24th, 2016 Working Well

October 24th, 2016 Working Well

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I met my daily water goal and I stayed well connected with solid support contacts.

I'm approaching two weeks in a row of getting at minimum 7 hours sleep. It's helping. I've had a couple days where I still felt tired. I'm hoping 7 hours is enough because 9:30pm is already an early bedtime for me--but still workable for what I want to do, schedule wise. If the need requires me to move it to 8:30--that'll be very challenging. I've moved my alarm time to a little later a few days--once to 5am, 4:45am and 4:40am, just to compensate for later bedtime. I'm afraid that's a slippery slope--and really, I seriously value my morning time. When I move the alarm time it lessens the quality of everything I make important each morning, because I feel rushed.

Okay--I'm doing well, I'm feeling well and this is working well.

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:




























Thank you for you reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Sunday, October 23, 2016

October 23rd, 2016 Bigger Focus

October 23rd, 2016 Bigger Focus

I've had an amazing birthday weekend. I took extra-special care today--I prepared some great food, completed a good workout prior to my trip to Stillwater, and enjoyed a wonderful outing with mom. My uncle Keith stopped by the restaurant, too. After last night's outing with my daughters Amber and Courtney and visiting with Noah a little later--The weekend was simply perfect. Top it off with the awesome numbers from yesterday's health fair screening--and wow, turning 45 wasn't so bad after all!

I sometimes try to imagine my condition had I not started down this road. Assuming I'd still be alive, I think it would be extremely bad stuff. Anyway--I don't want to think about that too much more. But I did go there this morning after getting in touch with all I have to be thankful for--my gratitude list is long--and it just naturally evolved into, Hmmm...I wonder what life would be like if I never turned this direction?

I'm blessed and very grateful to be right here, right now. And it isn't a given or guaranteed forever, either. Remaining at a healthy body weight isn't the main focus--the weight maintenance is a side-effect of the bigger focus: Taking extraordinary care of myself each day, every day. If I take care each day--and I maintain the integrity of my plan--then the weight maintenance will take care of itself.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. I had an awesome workout. And I stayed well connected with great support. I enjoyed 8.5 hours sleep last night. I'm poised to get another solid 7 hours tonight.

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

Saturday, October 22, 2016

October 22nd, 2016 It Was Special

October 22nd, 2016 It Was Special


I attended a health fair this afternoon where they were doing free health screenings. My numbers looked fantastic. I'm grateful. My blood pressure was 115/80 with a pulse of 57. Blood sugar checked in at 79 and my body fat was 20.8%.

I just spent the most wonderful evening with my two daughters. They took me out to dinner in celebration of my birthday (10/23). It was the first time for just the three of us to dine out together in over three years. It was special. 

We visited with Noah afterward--and my goodness, that boy gets cuter and cuter each day.

I'm home and completely exhausted.

I'm dropping in bed and tonight, I'll easily exceed 7 hours sleep. But before I drop...

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal and I stayed well connected with great support.

I'll aim for the same tomorrow!

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:




































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean





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