It Can't Be About A Number, Two Years Deep, and Young Pictures
I'm really enjoying where I am at this point along the road. I'm getting more and more comfortable with myself, and I'm starting to realize exactly where I am and where I want to be, and most importantly: What is required of me to get there. I could easily settle right here, or a few pounds from here, at 230. But I know what I want probably will not magically happen in a few pounds. As "normal" as I might look in my clothes, it's what I see in the mirror--the for my eyes only stuff, that remind me, from a fitness standpoint and a loose skin standpoint, I've still a ways to go. Oh, but I've come a long way my friend, oh yes...this is an awesome feeling. And if added physical fitness, an eventual skin removal surgery, and an upcoming Colonix Cleanse take me well below or above 230, whatever...it's all good. I guess my point is this: It really can't be about a number. "The number" will reveal itself naturally in good time and effort.
I've been dipping back into the archives two years, instead of one, and I love it. The basic foundation of this journey was outlined in those very early post. Going back and reading, to me, is like an exercise in positive personal affirmations, strengthening my weight loss philosophies and understanding that, the very basics were never really difficult. But I always made them that way. I look back at all of the years I struggled and feared my ultimate demise from morbid obesity. Back then, I never stopped to realize what I was doing to myself in terms of complicating this weight loss road. I was truly my own worst enemy. As contemporary pop artist Pink sings, I'm a hazard to myself--don't let me get me!
From October 6th, 2008 Day 22:
Sometimes when the stress level goes way up and troubles rain down we search for a comfortable place to shield us from the storm. When our nerves are on edge we look for something to make us feel good again. We find comfort in food because it taste good and so many of our good memories are surrounded by good tasting food. Some people handle stress differently, instead of eating they go for a long walk and a good workout. For me and a lot of people the short term solution to feeling better is eating. It's a hard habit to break, but it's crucial to the life saving weight loss we desperately need. Instead of excuses why we can't possibly stay on track, we have to discover solutions to how we can. We have to understand that every choice is an important one. Remember that one bad choice often leads to another and it works the other way too. One good choice often leads to another. That's why I end every one of these blogs with “Good Choices”, because in the end we are the sum of our decisions, we can either be the victims of our poor choices or the champions of our good choices.
“But you don't understand what I'm up against here”...No, maybe I don't know exactly what you're feeling inside and how it's effecting you, but I do know this: Overeating and making bad portion and exercise choices aren't going to make it better. I'm learning to love myself enough to make the good choices everyday. I said I'm learning, because I don't know everything, I'm not a doctor, I only know what I've put myself through all of these years. I only know and learn from what I've personally experienced over more than two decades of failed attempts. I've made excuses for years why I can't do this. Now I'm making solutions and good choices to show myself I can.
The very next day, 23--I found this:
As the days roll on, I notice I'm in a good mood more than ever before. Despite any troubles or various stress factors that come along, I'm still being positive and looking forward to the future. I know that exercise triggers a chemical change and the release of endorphins, and those little fellas make you feel really good. So maybe that explains it. Oh yeah, the weight loss too might have something to do with me feeling better on a daily basis. Something to remember: Not everybody is in a good mood. There have been several times over the last 23 days I've encountered people that were less than cheerful and friendly. Even friends and family can unknowingly send a negative vibe your way. One day my oldest daughter went to the YMCA and worked out real hard on the elliptical machine for a solid thirty minutes. After she finished she told a very good friend of hers at the time about her thirty minute workout. The friends response? “Next time you might want to try doing it a little longer”. Wow. Not a single “way to go!” or “nice job”. It doesn't mean that the person wasn't her friend, it's just that some people have a hard time being positive.
A friend of mine read my blog not long ago and the only thing they had to say about it was “it's too long, make them shorter”. Another's sole comment...”so, Westwood One wouldn't hire ya”. There will always be “Downers”, but I've learned that you have to look past the negative and realize that not everyone can or will be a cheerleader. You can't worry about or try to figure out everyone's psychological makeup and motivation...you'll drive yourself nuts if you try. You really have to be a self-starter, a self-motivator, and then the added support you do get from family and friends is just gravy...I mean the icing on the cake...No, uh...it's just a bonus. ;)
I'm out of my 60 calorie Joseph's Pitas and I'm starting to get a little anxious. Wal-Mart is the only local source around here. Sporadic and unreliable are words that best describe their stock of these wonderful products. I guess I need to go online and order some more. A friend, reader, and fellow facebooker recently informed me that www.netrition.com has the pitas at the same price as Joseph's site, but with a flat rate $4.95 shipping. I'd love to order directly from Joseph's, but the shipping charges make me cringe. A flat rate $4.95 with Netrition, however they do it, sounds good to me.
I've been coming across the number 505 a bunch recently. Maybe I'm just noticing it now, Hmmm, don't know. Several days ago, a friend at work had me pick up their lunch order while I was out---the total: $5.05. I ran into Wal-Mart the other day to grab a few items, the total was 14.95--my change from a twenty---$5.05. When I recently over-slept my nap, I woke up to the clock saying 5:05 pm...and here's the kicker: A new financial services card arrived with a security code of--you guessed it: 505 Coincidence, for sure, but still---very interesting...Hmmmm....You know, whatever we focus on is what we get back---it's the foundation of the Secret. As long as it comes back in these non-physical ways and my focus remains on who I've become and not what I was, then I'm fine--Sometimes it's hard to believe I was ever 505...but it doesn't take much to remind me, all I have to do is look around...and roll up my sleeve.
On Monday morning October 11th at 7:30 am Central, 8:30 am Eastern, I'll be interviewed by Joy 102.5 FM in Maryland. It'll be a two part interview and you can listen as it's broadcast by going to http://www.wolc.org/listenNow/index.html The interview actually took place a while back...I'm thrilled that it's airing Monday morning...Very cool! Thank you Rodney Baylous and WOLC! Rodney found this blog from the AOL story published in July. What a wonderful blessing. Again, thank you Joy 102.5--and it was truly an honor and my pleasure!
My Aunt Kelli has discovered many more pictures that take me way back into my childhood. It's perfect really, because I've been focused on those early years a bunch lately as I write the manuscript for "Finding Transformation Road." Thank you Kelli! I've also found a wonderful picture of mom and a very nice old picture of my grandpa. Kelli, you're an awesome family historian!!! ;) You can read Kelli's weight loss blog at www.snoconegirl.blogspot.com
Thank you for reading. Please, friend me on facebook! Goodnight and...
Me--at 13. I actually remember getting dressed that morning. I put on that blue collared shirt with a little penguin on the chest---and decided that the shirt was too clingy---and a nice over-sweater would make everything better. Isn't it amazing what we tell ourselves?
I'm the one sitting down with a spoon in my mouth. Cousin Steve on the left, cousin Troy on the right.
I guess I was a "tucker" at some point...about 8 years old I believe. Wasn't really obese, just "husky" at this age. Cub Scouts rule.
I'm three, wait---two...How do you make the three symbol? I'm confused, what am I doing here?
A recent 100 calorie snack---using 1/4 of a Jospeh's Lavash bread.
A recent breakfast---Oh so good! Using a 1/2 Joseph's Lavash bread as a wrap for an amazing three egg-white, mushroom, and mozzarella scramble. Lemon marinated apple slices and a banana compliment this early morning metabolism starter.
My grandpa on the right, and his brother, Uncle Ott on the left. Great picture--brave men! I know my grandpa was probably getting ready for war...he was so young here.
My beautiful momma--not that long ago! Love you momma!!! ;)