Sunday, March 6, 2011

Day 875-898 The Monthly Diary--HUH? and A Letter To That Guy or You

Day 875-898

The Monthly Diary--HUH? and A Letter To That Guy or You

I've received many emails, facebook messages, and a couple of blog comments--all expressing concern over my lack of blog posting. I sincerely appreciate the outpouring of support and understanding!

Becky writes:
"Just when I get hooked on your blog, you stop writing! :( I know you're a busy guy, and I hope life is treating you well! Reading years' worth of posts in the last month got me all involved in your daily life, so going cold turkey is hard!"

Matt writes:
"Are you really that busy, you couldn't post something, anything? It makes me think you might be struggling. If you are, you need to email me and let's chat. You're a wonderful example for so many, but never forget, you're also human."

Anneli writes:
"Hi Sean! I've missed you in blog-land. I hope this silence only means you're busy, not that you've been overeating. If you HAVE been overeating, I hope you trust the online community enough to know that we're still behind you!"

Anonymous chimes in with a little jab:
"The monthly diary of a winning loser."

I understand and sincerely appreciate the concern. My relationship with food does not change, regardless. I like the place I've found in that relationship. Is it perfect? NO. But again, perfection has never been a part of this journey. What I'm not doing is binging. I'm not curling up on the couch with a half-gallon of ice cream and a spoon or eating four bowls of cereal before bed. I'm not ordering and devouring a large pizza, just because. I did have pizza last night as a snack, but instead of a calorie laden pie from a restaurant---I made a 170 calorie mushroom and mozzarella pita pizza. It was delicious and satisfied me perfectly.

While dining out, I always share or I order exclusively from the child or senior menu. I always order water and I never leave feeling stuffed and miserable. A very telling fact is this: Since starting along this road in September 2008, I haven't once needed or sought the relief found in antacid products. If you've read through the archives, you know that "passing the Zantac" was a regular part of our after dinner routine. Not anymore. Not needed. And I feel great about that.

Where do I come up short? In the exercise department. I've used every excuse in the book to keep me from a regular and consistent workout routine. I'm beginning to realize that the changes I've made in my attitude and approach with food, are not the same changes I've made with my commitment to exercise. My success in losing nearly 280 pounds is a product of consistent effort. Yet, I've allowed myself to get "comfortable" with my success, and that has translated into a very inconsistent workout schedule.

This dynamic is at the top of my list of things I want to change immediately. I'm not done. Far from it in fact. Hitting 230 was a goal and I accomplished that. But it's not, nor should it ever be about a number on a scale. It's about how we feel, it's about how our clothes fit, it's about lovingly caring for ourselves---and that means getting that workout in, in some form or fashion, regardless of schedule.

When I started, I was a busy guy--But read the archives or ask my family members--My schedule didn't and couldn't stop me from being out there on the trail, walking off the pounds every night. It was non-negotiable. So--it's a very real and human thing, to reach a certain point where the life or death urgency isn't there...a point where I'm thrilled when I look in the mirror, because it's such a dramatic improvement from where I've come...a point where it's very easy to say: "Yeah, I have some major fitness goals, but I'm so busy and focused on these other projects---soon, I'll find time to get in there and get consistent again. I just have to get this project finished--or that changed"---or whatever it is that I can cling to, to make myself feel better about not working out.

The only area in my life that I accept zero excuses and rationalizations, is my behaviors with food. And that's good. But in order for me to be all I want to be--I must denounce---and pounce on every excuse and rationalization that threatens other areas of my well being. I've often stated that overcoming and managing compulsive eating and food addiction is my strong point, and it is, without a doubt. But still, it's like I use that occasionally as an excuse to pardon my lack of performance when it comes to working out.

Is this all I want? Where I am physically, right now? NO, it's not. I must choose the change I desire before changes come as a result of my lack of good choices in the workout arena. Because not choosing the change, is still making a choice.

I recently posted this on my facebook wall:

"We set an example with our powerful choices, we inspire with our amazing success, we understand because we've been there, and we never stop learning. We're all weight loss superheroes, capable of wonderful things--and as we succeed, our ranks grow exponentially. I have the power--You have the power. We all do. ;) Good Choices, my friend!"

I dove into the archives and found an excerpt that I wanted to share. It doesn't have to be to "a gentleman," it can be to you, if it fits.

From Day 192 --March 2009:

"To The Guy Back There Where I Started"

Every now and then I write a blog, post it, then the next day I'll think of something I wanted to mention but didn't. Last night after the “Lose To Win” seminar, I was approached by a nice lady who expressed concern for a loved one. She told me that the loved one that had her concerned was where I was when I started. Just in case she convinced that loved one to read this blog, here's what I hope he reads:

I don't know your name, what you look like, or anything about you other than a couple of clues I've been given. I know that you're right around 500 pounds and I know that you have loved ones that care deeply about you. That's all I know for certain about you. But I'll take it a little deeper. I was over 500 pounds for years, so I can safely assume that perhaps you're feeling some of the emotions that became a fixed part of my life for so long. You might feel completely hopeless, I did. You might feel like you're out of control, I did. You probably turn to food when you're stressed, scared, sad, happy, it doesn't matter the occasion or emotion huh?

Yep, me too. It's hard to get around isn't it? A short walk can feel suffocating, I know. Maybe you feel like your weight has started chipping away at your personal relationships, I know I did. Are you scared of dying like I was every single day? Be honest, when a little twinge of pain crosses your chest do you start praying it's anything but what you fear the most? I sure did. Is your wardrobe severely limited because of your size? Mine was. I once wore the same pair of pants every day for six months straight, washing it every couple of days, just because it was the only pair that fit, and driving to OKC or Tulsa to buy more was too inconvenient.

When you get scared for your life, do you feel like you're in a non-stop self-destructive cycle? Please say you haven't given up. I never did.

Listen, I knew that if I kept going I would die very soon. Only God knows how soon, but soon for certain. I also knew that I had to be the one to stop the endless cycle. I had to get very honest and very serious with myself. You're not hopeless and you can do this. I'm not special, I don't have any kind of secret potion, I'm not perfect in any way. I'm just a guy who knew that if I really wanted to live, and I mean really live, I had to do something now. I'd argue that I'm no different than you my friend. 192 days ago I reached my limit. My world was becoming unraveled, my weight was doing it's best to crush me and any sliver of hope I may have had for the future.

Can you relate? I bet you can. I'm here to tell you that you can reclaim your life. You have the power within you to do amazing things, and grabbing control of your weight is just the beginning. But how? I'm not going to say that my way is right or wrong, bad or good. It's what I did. I immediately started eating 1,500 calories a day and exercising however I could, and trust me, it wasn't much, but remember, anything is better than nothing. And you'll be amazed at how far you'll progress along the way if you stay consistent.

Read the labels, buy a calorie book, look calories up on the internet. All the information you need is out there. Even before you do that, it's very important to sit down and have a long internal discussion with yourself. Write down what you want out of life. Dream a little! Get it on paper or on a computer screen, whatever, just write. Form your motivating thoughts and hold onto them tight, you're gonna need them to get through this.

Make your motivating thoughts one of the most important things you think about daily. Then DECIDE that you will defend the pursuit of those desires every waking minute. DECIDE to live, DECIDE to change, DECIDE to once and for all take a stand for yourself. Stand up and demand respect from the one that has given you the least, and that's you. DECIDE that it isn't going to end this way, obesity is no longer in charge of your destiny, you are. BELIEVE you have the power to render powerless every hang up that stopped you before, because YOU DO. DECIDE that no matter the struggles in your day to day life, one thing will never be compromised, and that's your commitment to this journey.

Don't do what I did for years, I don't know you , maybe you've done it for years too...Don't lie to yourself. Don't assume you have time to worry about it later. DECIDE to do it NOW and leave the worry behind. I'm right at about half way through my journey, and I've never been happier. That happiness I speak of comes from hope that I never had before. That happiness exist regardless of my current circumstances. Regardless of the stress level from whatever it is that's stressing us out, that happiness and hope remains and carries us through. DECIDE that you're worth it, because YOU ARE. DECIDE to LOVE YOURSELF enough to make the changes that will set you free.

Listen, I've never been one for dramatics, and I know this page is full of dramatics, but please know that it comes from a very sincere place. I wish you could take my place and feel what I'm feeling. Please go back in the archives and read from day 1. Every day is indexed on the left hand side of the page. And if you want, send me an e-mail and we'll communicate directly. Whoever you are, best wishes.


In response to that---Sarah writes:

"Thanks again for sharing your heart. My prayers are with that person...in fact persons, who are struggling to begin the dream. I hope they will take time to read your blog from Day 1. It has been so inspiring to me."
----------------------------------------------
You see...This blog, to me, isn't about the latest post. It's mainly about the twenty-two months of daily posts, seven days a week....everyday, every night...one to three hours of writing. The investment I made, continues to help me today. Because I wasn't just writing, I wasn't just trying to stay afloat or tread water. I was learning to swim. And the lessons I've learned along the way stay with me today. Albeit much stronger and focused in the food behavior department, rather than the gym, but we've discussed this already.

Now--do I think I need to write this blog more often to help me stay accountable in the workout department? YES. YES, YES!!!

Look for more post from me, more often, as I'm about to finish the manuscript for my book "Finding Transformation Road--Breaking The Rules Of Weight Loss To and From Over 500 Pounds." This book has been exhausting. It's an obesity memoir---from five years old to the present day. Wow--it's been an amazing ride. I've shared things in that manuscript that I never shared in the blog--wasn't brave enough to share them, but it will be out there...soon. I can't wait for that day. I promise--it'll be worth the time to read. More details as soon as I have them!!

Thank you for reading, thank you for your support, thank you for everything. You absolutely lift me up in so many ways. I hope that you'll friend me on facebook and follow me on twitter. On facebook, just search using my email address: seanboy105@hotmail.com and on Twitter, you'll find me as @seanaanderson I'm horrible about updating my twitter feed--but I'm very consistent on facebook. Join me! Because I'm making weight loss motivation and inspiration--and sharing my experiences, what I do--for the rest of my life.

Now---I'm headed for the YMCA for a really good workout. Later, my friend...

Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

16 comments:

  1. Sooooooooo glad to see you back. Can't wait for the book. Hope that you come to KC area for a book signing. It was me, Monthly diary blah, blah Sorry

    ReplyDelete
  2. I do look forward to being able to read your book. I'm sure it will help many face the truth and change their own lives.

    Blessings

    ReplyDelete
  3. lol, anonymous is back and fessing up to being anonymous. love it.
    Glad you are doing okay..figured you were writing a book.
    have a good time bud, and don't quit living.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Can't wait to read your book Sean.
    I need it NOW!!! I am struggling.
    Going to do some retrospective reading.

    Big hugs

    Sheilagh

    ReplyDelete
  5. Really surprised that anyone who's read any of this blog would worry that you were off in a corner overeating. :) Actually, I hope the opposite, that you can take the wonderful eating habit you've nurtured and move forward into a lifetyle that is a bit less stringent and more relaxed. As for exercise, I'm GLAD that you are no longer the guy that is sacrificing sleep to go walking on a cold dark trail at midnight. Are there ways to sneak small bits of exercise into your daily activities so that you didn't need to carve out a block of time each time? For example, while my tea is heating in the microwave or while dinner is cooking, I do pushups against the counter, grab a couple large cans from the cupboard and do some arm exercises, or do a few squats or lunges or march in place. Anything I do out of the house is for pleasure and fresh air... riding my bike, walking on the beach. I'm never going to be a person that goes to a gym, I'm just not. I work at home on the computer (as you've been doing) and make sure to get up for a few minutes every hour and do something, just to keep the circulation flowing. Anyway, who am I to give you advice? Your success far surpasses mine so far. Hope the book is going well and succeeds beyond your wildest dreams... although I don't really understand the "Breaking the Rules of Weight Loss" part of the title. Counting calories and exercising is breaking the rules of weight loss? I thought those were the most basic fundamentals of weight loss. I use My Fitness Pal as a place to log my calories, and everyone on there has the same idea as you and me... eat what you want, but log the calories, drink more water, and move your body more. It's not rocket science... which, to some people, myself included, has been part of the problem. It's just so simple that we have a hard time embracing it. PS- I do miss hearing about what's going on in your life apart from weight loss, but am so very happy that you have someone special in your life to share your thoughts and time with. Perfectly normal to want to pull back into a bit more privacy. Be well, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  6. PS-- I hope my comment didn't seem critical of your book, I'm so very anxious to read it, especially all the bits that were not included in the blog!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow, this is the most personal and open blog post I've read from you in a long time, and it's awesome. :) I'm glad the manuscript is almost finished...can't wait to buy the book! Have a great week babe. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. If there was a U in inspiration, it would be Sean Anderson!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks Sean. Every day I check for your blog, and today I was rewarded! I'm hoping your book goes audio, with you reading it, since I drive a great deal while listening to books. Thanks also for mentioning your current challenge. Ahhh, exercise! I bet that MANY of us can relate to that one.

    ReplyDelete
  10. And I'll be able to say I knew you when...Good to read a new update. Back on the wagon myself with a new blog and new attitude. Wishing you continued success in your goals, and life.
    Hugs and love
    Ang

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey, I saw Sean at Chili's the other night unexpected, and he was doing exactly what I would have expected out of him. He was drinking water and eating a small portion of ummmm "Chicken Alfredo?" Maybe not that, but close. He was doing exactly what I would have expected of him. I was having a "Margarita" with no food. Hmmm, maybe why I still need to lose 20 lbs!:)

    Love you Sean!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lisa--It was soup! A small bowl of their potato. I order it with the cheese and bacon on the side, so I can add what I want myself. They put a certain amount of cheese in the soup to begin with---and as it turned out, they put too much, and I left half of it on the table. I just wanted about 350 calories, and that's about what I had. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sean,

    I am trying really hard to cut everything I eat in half...fist size portions. That soup sounds really good, you should have passed the leftovers my way...lol!

    I admire your strength, self discipline, control, determination, willpower, consistency, guidance, advice, and the example you set for others struggling with addiction. I admire just about everything about you. I can't wait until your book comes out! I will cherish that for life and will have it out for everyone to see who enters my home:)

    Take care and God bless. I hope you are sleeping better.

    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love the emphasis on the DECIDE. It is so true. It is that simple. Once you REALLY choose to do it, you don't have to re-make that decision every time you are confronted with the foods that are destroying you. For me, it's the same with exercise. If I decide that the minimum days I am making it to the gym, even if the last 3 days of the week end up being those days, it's going to happen. I think the hard part is until you REALLY decide, you want to tell yourself you have decided even though you know you have not. Stories like yours got me to a milestone 100 pounds lost yesterday. Thanks for sharing your story.
    Starting at 500 Pounds

    ReplyDelete
  15. Sean I just wanted to tell you again how much of an inspiration you are. I don't have the willpower that you do but I'm getting there. I want to be one of the first people to get your book!

    -Michael

    ReplyDelete
  16. Nice blog and real good experience to share... I'm also have good blog to read http://www.everydayloseweight.com Thanks

    ReplyDelete

I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for your support!






Copyright © 2008-2017 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.