Day 727-730 Two Year Anniversary of My Day 1 and More "Lost" Before Pictures

Day 727-730

Two Year Anniversary of My Day 1 and More "Lost" Before Pictures

In the last four days, I've completed a 5K and a spinning class, not necessarily the crazy workout schedule I talked about or thought about doing a couple of weeks ago. For some irrational reason, I decided it would be a great idea to hit 230 by the 15th, my two year anniversary along this road. Could it have been done? Yes. Would it have been a natural part of my lifestyle at this point? No. It's funny how, every now and then, I come up with something that completely goes against the grain of my core weight loss philosophy. This idea of hitting 230 by the 15th was one of those times. It was simply a thought, because it would have been cool to "do it all in two years." So, what if I say "it took me a little over two years?" That's still incredible. And as I've written many times in the past, time doesn't matter when we're making good choices that come naturally with our daily lifestyle. We'll get there, one good choice at a time. Hitting 230 by the 15th was a silly little departure from rational thinking. But boy...did I come close!

I've had two people ask me why I would drive all the way to Stillwater to weigh, when I can weigh on any scale I so desire? It's poetic. That's why. That's pretty simple to understand. To weigh 230 on the same scale that started it all, and not just this time---but every other failed attempt in the last 14 years started on this same scale---is poetic. Returning to the scene of my major reality check in a much thinner and triumphant way, is something that's just worth the drive to me. I love it!

I knew I wasn't hitting goal today. If I had lost 9 pounds in the last four weeks, I would have known. I did feel like I had lost, but not that much. Every pound seems to be noticeable to me now. It's interesting, very interesting. I was thinking maybe three--instead I had a 5 pound loss...No, wait a second...the scale was fluctuating between 234.4 and 234.6...Uhg! I always round up or down...and since it was mostly on 234.6, I must call it 235, for a four pound loss. I'll take it, that's fine. I'm happy, I feel great, and I refuse to allow myself, for even a second--to have a negative thought about this four pound loss in the last four weeks. See what I'm talking about when it comes to the unnecessary frustrations we sometimes allow? It's positive results and it's all good. I remind myself about the body fat analysis I had in the late winter. Maybe having little left to lose, makes what I do have want to hang on. Maybe my body is trying to preserve itself---trying to survive. The last thing I'm going to do is get all caught up in scientific explanations and complications. I'm in a wonderful place, and that's the bottom line: 270 pounds lost in exactly two years. I can feel incredible about that always.

My aunt Kelli recently found a bunch, and I mean a bunch of "lost," never before published before pictures. I've included many of them below for this very special anniversary post. Thank you Kelli!! You can check out Kelli's weight loss blog at www.snoconegirl.blogspot.com Love you sis!

I'm often asked how I've lost so much weight. It's very natural and often the first question I get from someone I've just met. On a milestone day like today---it's a perfect time to provide the excerpt of "The Long Answer to---How?"

Readers of this blog know that I've struggled my entire life with obesity. So why am I having so much success now?

Because I've decided. I've written before about making that “Iron-Clad Decision,” and it's that decision to succeed, that rock-solid commitment to consistency that has given me these incredible results. I found out that you have to give this journey an amazingly high priority. You have to make it one of the most important things you do. You have to defend your journey from anything and everything that might try to derail it. You have to protect it from yourself. I was always my own worst enemy, I understand that.

When you make it this important, it really makes it hard to rationalize bad choices, you know what I mean? As dramatic as it might sound, this is life and death stuff my friend. And no matter if you have 30 pounds or 300 pounds to lose, if you give it that “do or die” level of importance in your life, you're less likely to fail. But is it that easy? Just decide? Really?? Make it important? What?? No.

Along with my “Iron-Clad” decision, I decided to throw away every single misconception I had about weight loss. I knew I wanted long term results, I really wanted to change. So I eliminated any plan that wasn't completely natural. I needed something I could do that would keep me thin the rest of my life. I needed to learn what a normal portion looked like. I didn't want a 'meal replacement” type plan, or a pre-packaged food “weight loss center” type of plan. I knew those type of plans were simply a means to lose weight temporarily. I needed to confront my behaviors with food in everyday situations, and it had to be head on with real food like everybody else eats.

I then determined that nothing was off limits. I could eat anything I wanted, and I mean anything! That element of my journey has been one of the keys to success, because if nothing is off limits, then I'll never feel deprived...and I'll never feel defeated because I enjoyed something that conventional weight loss wisdom says you can't have if you want to lose weight. It's not the food, it's the portions. Counting calories was a natural choice for me. It's taught me about proper portions and it's forced me to make better choices along the way. I opened the “Calorie Bank and Trust” in my mind, treating my calories like cash. Every morning I would be issued 1500 new calories that I could use however I wanted, but beware! I quickly learned that good choices meant making wise calorie “investment” decisions. I had to spread those calories out all day long, or run short as a consequence. The “Calorie Bank and Trust” doesn't have an ATM. When the calories are gone, they're gone until the bank “opens” the next morning. It might sound silly, it's not---look what it's done for me.

But those urges to binge, how do I control those nasty things? Those crazy thoughts that sometime come from out of nowhere, stealing away my resolve, making me fantasize about eating large quantities of anything that I love, yes they existed for me just like everyone else. How have I handled that? Motivating thoughts plus accountability plus writing out my thoughts every night in this daily blog. That's how I've handled those journey breaking meltdowns. I tell people: Cling tight to those motivating thoughts, defend your journey like your life depends on it, in most cases it does. Decide that nothing...no emotion, no circumstance, no person, place or thing is allowed to steal this away from you. I deserve this success. You deserve this success. It's too important my friend.

One of the biggest elements is self honesty. This means calling yourself on all those excuses and rationalizations that we tell ourselves in order to feel better about bad choices. Honesty, 100%---at all times. And exercise? Anything...just move. All I could do in the beginning was walk and I could barely do that for very long. But I was moving. And the more you move, the easier it gets. All of a sudden my 505 pound near deadly quarter mile walks became a mile...then two, then three, and so on. In the beginning it doesn't have to be anything special. There's no machine to buy or membership required. Just movement. After a while you can get fancy. But set a solid foundation of success first by mastering the basics.

I've discovered something that many have discovered before me, and that is this: It's really 20% about food and exercise and 80% about the mental aspects. Someone who has really helped my mental development is Ralph Marston. I've read very little of Mr. Marston's writing, but this one life changing work from him is something I've read countless times:

“Set Yourself Free” by Ralph Marston---"There is no outside force holding you back. You are holding you back and you are blaming it on someone or something else. The way you are able to continue holding yourself back is by maintaining the illusion that you're a victim. Once you realize that illusion, you will naturally and easily move forward. In fact, it is easier to fulfill your best possibilities than it is to avoid them. So let go of the blame and watch the limitations drop away. Certainly there will always be challenges that hold you back. For each challenge provides you with a pathway through which you can move toward fulfillment. It is your very nature to accomplish. Lovingly accept your destiny, and allow that accomplishment to be manifest through you. Set yourself free to follow your purpose. Set yourself free to truly live." Visit Mr. Marston at http://www.greatday.com/

I'm still discovering ways to communicate what I've learned along this road. The blog posted a couple back into the archives, featuring "The Wrong Battle," is and was an epiphany type experience for me. If you haven't read it, click here.

Thank you for reading! I hope you'll continue as we reach 230 and into maintenance mode!! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Rounding to 235...Anyway you slice it--it's all good!!!


This is cool to me. Thank you Joseph!


With my daughters at a restaurant---Hmmmm


Big, Big, Big...wow.












At Special Olympics Broadcast with the an official of Special Olympics Oklahoma






With Skyler and Lauren Donahue at the fair Tuesday night!!!


Broadcasting from the fair!


With mom on my two year anniversary


With grandma on my two year anniversary

Day 722-726 Joseph Emailed Me--Yes, THAT Joseph, Reader Response, and All I Need To Feel Good

Day 722-726

Joseph Emailed Me--Yes, THAT Joseph, Reader Response, and All I Need To Feel Good

I was checking my email the other day when I was completely taken by surprise, it was an email--the kind that gave me the same excitement I felt when I opened one from Richard Simmons over a year ago. This wasn't Richard, but judging from my excitement, you would have thought as much. It was Joseph Boghos. Joseph who, you ask? Joseph---THE Joseph, from Joseph's Bakery, makers of those incredible 60 calorie flax seed, oat bran, and whole wheat flour pitas!! If you've read my blog at all, you know of my love for these fantastic calorie value pitas. And here was Joseph himself, personally writing to me, of all people...me!!??!! He mentioned that he had read this blog and his words in review were over the top wonderful. Wow, I'm still on a natural high, really...I swear...I replied to him as a pita pizza baked in my oven, how cool is that? Very. I'm so blessed and immensely grateful.

Taking the conversation I had with mom about "The Wrong Battle," and putting it into words for this blog was a good idea. It has further helped me understand the mental dynamics involved---it was very clear to me, and of course it is now...But when you're deep into food addiction and feel like you're held captive by your obesity, it's sometimes hard to open up your mind to look at things from a different perspective. I'm proud of those paragraphs in my last post. I know how that "battle" analogy has helped me, and it's so cool to get emails and comments from people that absolutely "got it" too. This blog is first and foremost for me and my development, but there's no doubt---It is a true blessing to me to be able to open up and share my experiences along this road in hopes of helping others understand what I've so joyfully discovered. Here's a sampling of comments and emails that just absolutely make me beam with pride---I'm so happy for these individuals!!

Desperate Diva writes...

"I absolutely love your before shots when compared to your now shots, my housemate tends to hover around me when I update my blog as she likes seeing how I'm doing and she just came in and saw me looking at this post - she was in absolute shock that the person in those two pictures is the same person, and from the way you speak in your posts they may as well not be! I think the battle you speak about is an excellent point and in spite of the sites I read about weight loss, the diet attempts I've made in the past and the uncountable conversations I've had with people about losing weight, I've never ever heard that idea - as I was reading it alarm bells were going off in my head "THIS is the answer. He's cracked it" - Thanks so much for sharing, I hope I always remember that food is trying to be my friend!" You can read Desperate Diva's blog at http://fartoofattodance.blogspot.com/

Chris writes...

"Hey Sean! Just want to say thanks for the inspiration and openness of your blog! We are at similar stages of loss (although you have accomplished WAY more than me and I APPLAUD your stamina!) with current weights and clothes sizes etc. I really enjoy reading how you navigate through meals and make choices! Its what I have been trying to keep in mind as well! I also appreciate your focus on the long term knowing the "numbers" will get there eventually! :-) Its hard to do, but we have to look at it that way to be successful! I recently put a link to your blog on my blog http://fatboysnacks.blogspot.com/ in regards to Joseph's pitas . I do not have much a readership yet, but I am working through the prepared foods that I have been eating to help me lose weight. ( I am dozen or so pounds shy of 100 pounds lost since January. ) I am certainly not the healthiest eater, but I try to make smart choices and am getting better at it all the time! I love finding tips on new things to try that are low cal and taste good. God bless!"

Sarah Writes...

"Hi Sean -- I never, never write to strangers online. I love to read about other people's weight loss journeys, but I'm not one to blog or comment. Anyway, I had to send you a note to thank you so much for sharing your story. A huge congratulations on your incredible success! The reason I am writing is because I am one of what I assume to be many people that you have motivated and inspired by sharing your journey these last two years. You break things down in such a way that it clicks. No one has given me that type of advice before. Your message is so simple but you convey it in such a way that it resonates in a very inspirational way. I love the bank analogy, I used it today and you're right, it works. I'm only on Day 11 but I feel really confident this time out and your blog is and will continue to be a motivator, so I wanted to send you a heartfelt thank you! Take care -- Sara"

Cathy writes...

"Hi Sean! My 15 yr. old son Chris has been using the Calorie Bank and Trust concept for the last week, and he's finding success with it. Tonight he had a real test. We decided to go out to dinner at the Olive Garden. He suggested that we check out the website first to figure out calories for our meals (already a great move!) When we did, he found that his absolute favorite Fettucine Alfredo was more calories than he had left for the day. Rather than say "it's just this once - I'll eat less tomorrow", he opted for linguine with marinara sauce, which allowed him to add a meatball AND have soup and a breadstick! He still came in under his daily allotment. I was so proud of him! Thanks for listening to a proud mom! Cathy"

Faye writes...

"Hi! How are you? My name is Faye, My husband and I live near Philadelphia Pennsylvania! I am 58 and have over 100 pounds to lose! I came across your web site a few weeks ago and I've been telling EVERYONE about you and your AMAZING weight loss!...Anyhow, I HAVE decided to start to use THE SAME "BANK" as YOU use! The reason for this letter? OTHER than saying THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, I have a question! How would I figure out WHAT calorie "BANK" I SHOULD have??? Got any ideas or suggestions for me???? I CAN'T get over some of the calories of things I pick up to look at, at the store! Take care and THANKS AGAIN"

Kim writes...

"Sean, Thank you so much for sharing your journey. You've inspired me to follow in your footsteps, in weight loss, but also in blogging. I just posted my first blog! Scary, and exciting at the same time. You're awesome, keep up the great work! ~Kim" You can read Kim's brand new blog at http://chroniclesofanemotionaleater.blogspot.com

Anonymous writes:

"Don't you ever get tired of looking at yourself? I guess all the compliments on your appearance are pretty addicting."

When you spend your entire life morbidly obese, and the better part of the last two decades---near, at, or above 500 pounds---and then you make some personal breakthroughs that free you from nearly 275 pounds of extra weight...and then you share that information, those experiences, those epiphanies that have helped along the way---and people see the pictures, and the compliments do come often...it isn't an "addiction." I sincerely appreciate the compliments, sure, but all I have to do to feel good about myself is breathe. Look in the mirror, pinch myself, put on my size 36 jeans, sprint as fast as I can---these are the things I do to feel good about myself. I've paid the dues, I've fought the battle, I'm here...and it feels amazing---and I would still feel amazing if I never received another compliment as long as I live. Trust me, the brain can be cruel...I still look at pictures of me now and the first thing I do is get critical. I'm the furthest thing from self-absorbed, but I'm thrilled, I'm happy, and I've earned every single bit of my success. I'll never get tired of looking at those pictures--because I'll keep posting them, simply to say---This is possible for you too. Look where I was and where I am now. Need some history? It's all in the blog... Here's an excerpt from Day 365:

I arrived at this place as a 505 pound man with raging high blood pressure, deadly sleep apnea, and swelling so bad in my right leg that painful open sores would develop when the skin refused to stretch any further. I arrived at this place with a wife and two daughters that would often sit and cry together because they were scared to death that I would leave them too soon. I arrived at this place with a mother that would stay up all night worrying about me, sometimes calling just to ask through the tears, “When are you really going to get busy?” I arrived at this place scared to death of myself, my habits, my behaviors that had me cornered, beating me into submission with zero hope for survival. The more my family cried for me, the more scared I became. I can't do this, I thought. But I must---But I don't really know how---on and on the mental battle within me raged. Was this it? Did I reach a point of wanting to give up the fight? Yes I did. However, a couple of problems, let's call them character traits, stood in the way of me giving up: I'm a survivor and I'm a dreamer. A dream can't survive forever without positive action, so action had to start, even if I hadn't a clue where to begin. After 443 months, 12 months has changed it all, turned it completely around. But how? What has made the last 12 months different from any other 12 month period in my life?

I found self-honesty. I found personal responsibility. I let go of the blame and I stopped feeling sorry for the victim I played so well. I became the one in charge of my choices with a completely honest understanding of the consequences, good or bad. Was I going to die a miserable fat man? Or would I completely change my family's life for the better? The choice was mine to make. I made the good choice. It wasn't easy fighting a lifetime of addiction, but it was a fight that I was determined to win because my family was worth the fight. I was worth the fight.

This week has been good, but very busy. I've missed a few workouts, but maintained my good choices in the food department. I've had some really good workouts too, don't get me wrong---My new bike is incredible!! I took a nice long bike ride the other night that took me over to the main drag in this town and all the way back around, taking a detour into a nice neighborhood I didn't even realize existed. The workout was amazing and fun. I've had a couple of really good 5k's too.

I'm just days away from my two year anniversary of Day 1, and will I hit 230 by then? Maybe. But seriously, it simply doesn't matter. I'm there. I'm changed forever. I feel great, and true to the attitude and philosophy of this blog...time doesn't matter, because my good choices in food and exercise will always get me the positive consequences I desire. 230? Yeah, it's coming, no doubt about that. Am I going to kill myself "boot camp" style to get there? No. My life is too busy for that, and besides---it's not necessary. Time will keep on going regardless of what I do--and where I'm headed, it's all good in time.

Thank you sincerely for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Another "lost" before picture. Me, Irene, and my grandmother and Uncle Keith in the background. Nine years ago...wow, we looked so young. I zeroed in on my grandma here...look at her, so beautiful. Thank you to my dear Aunt Kelli for finding this in her photo archives. You can read my Aunt's weight loss blog too, at www.snoconegirl.blogspot.com


Dinner Thursday night...I've always been a meat and potatoes kind of guy and I always will be---this is classic goodness to me. Smoked chicken, real red peel mashed potatoes, and whole kernel sweet corn!! Incredible--and in case you're wondering---I weighed exactly 60 calories worth of corn...the potatoes checked in at 150, and the chicken, a low 240. Total: 450 calories of awesomeness.


My beautiful pita pizza--one of a few I've enjoyed this week. I had one the other day with only 50 calories of mozzarella and mushrooms as a topping---for a low 130 count...this one pictured is double cheese, mushrooms, and chicken breast---but still only 200 total calories. Sign me up all day long!!!


Profile shot--Hosting the Poncan Opry Saturday night. Photo Credit: Darryl Cox


As MC of the Opry. Photo Credit: Darryl Cox


This is me looking at Dave with a look that says "Really now..." It was a funny bit. Photo credit: Darryl Cox


With co-host Dave May. Dave is wearing a bathrobe for a comedy bit. Dave is amazing. Seriously, he's known all around as The Amazing Dave May. In fact--check out his website at www.amazingdavemay.com

Day 718-721 So Many Choices, NSV's, More Lost Before Pictures, and The Wrong Battle

Day 718-721

So Many Choices, NSV's, More Lost Before Pictures, and The Wrong Battle

Friday was a busy day at work, it always is right before a three-day holiday weekend. But it was a good day and an even better night. I enjoyed an at-home prepared dinner that was amazing! Pork tenderloin, garlic/basil roasted red potatoes, asparagus, and tomato slices. The calorie value of the pork tenderloin was amazing! 130 calories for the 4 ounce portion...sign me up! My entire plate was under 400 calories, easy, and I was extremely satisfied! Amber came in Friday evening with her boyfriend KL and a new friend from school, Nicki. They had alternate dinner and entertainment plans, including staying the night with Irene. So, what did I do on a Friday night?

I dropped into a little place that does karaoke and I sang. Two songs. Country. Although my musical taste is extremely diverse, I was quick to pick these and this place is busy--you pick one or two, and that's probably all you're going to have time to perform. I did John Conlee's "Rose Colored Glasses" and John Anderson's "Straight Tequila Night." But honestly, it wasn't about the song selection at all. I wasn't singing these for reflection or to give insight into my personal thoughts. I was singing these because it was once again, an exercise in personal confidence. I would have never had the confidence at 505 pounds to stand anywhere and sing in public. The confidence I carry, although shaky sometimes--even now, is a product of my nearly 270 pound weight loss and something I enjoy experiencing in different situations. I sipped water with lemon, no ice--and waited my turn while I people watched. People are so interesting. And uh, I totally rocked those two songs.

Saturday was destined to be epic in so many ways. It was college football kick-off weekend and the plan called for it all to start by noon at a friends house in Ponca City. By 12:20 we were headed South--destination: Stillwater, OK and Boone Picken's Stadium, home of the Oklahoma State Cowboys. It's an event like this where I end up having one NSV (non-scale victory) after another. It actually started before I left my apartment.

I have two orange OSU emblazoned shirts and one white. One's a 2XL, one is an XL, and I have one that's simply an L. Guess which one I proudly wore to Stillwater? I was X-less. That's right, I tried on the size Large OSU/Team Radio polo pullover and loved it completely. The shirt fit my shoulders perfectly, it wasn't the least bit tight, it was perfectly wonderful. BUT--what about my crazy over-shirt hang-up that stems from being a kid and man with large man-boobs? Well, those are much smaller now. When I lay down, they completely go away---in fact, now--they're so small (my man chest fat), it hardly breaches my insecure zone---even with a pull-over shirt. That's exciting progress my friend! It's so true, the chest becomes smaller with weight loss, and I'll never complain about that, because these man-boobs have plagued my psyche since childhood...and now, at 38--I'm finally finding freedom. That's a pretty big deal to me.

The tailgate party was amazing. Good people, electric atmosphere, good food and drink, and fun. I enjoyed less than a serving of Tostitos chips with some homemade bean dip (very little) made with whole beans, salsa, and cheese. I brought a fresh peach and a banana too--and the tailgaters were grilling up sliders, little mini burgers--so I enjoyed a couple of mini patties, minus the bread and cheese. I was being kind of conservative, because I knew that the club level buffet lines were waiting for me at the top of the stadium---and I remember how impressed I was last year, I knew--this was going to be good. Talk about choices, oh my.

I often think about Old Sean, and how I would have handled the food in every situation...and I know that I would have been stuffed beyond misery with everything. The club level buffet lines are always full and ready---and everything except alcohol is included with your ticket. They have a hot dinner line, a "stadium favorites" line, an ice cream freezer full of king size ice cream novelties, and a salty snack and candy counter where whatever you want is available. Want a Snickers? How about two or three? Oh--and the cookies and brownies---this is an out of control food addict's dream come true. And it's confirmation of the solid foundation of good choices in a recovering food addict like me. Like wearing that size large shirt is further proof of my dramatic physical transformation, having this many choices and navigating it all with good choices and zero anxiety, that's proof positive of my new friendship with food. What I mean by "zero anxiety" is, I wasn't constantly wanting anything---I wasn't fighting. I was just being...normal. I had a great meal--see the picture below, oh my...it was incredible, and I was happy--perfectly happy, satisfied with my food selection all day--and absolutely proud and happy that I have this understanding of my food addiction and the mental dynamics of it all, from way back to right here today. I've come a very long way in this understanding.

After being the official post-game DD, I dropped everyone off at their hotel and headed to mom's house for a brief stay-over and some quality mother-son time the next morning. This food relationship understanding, the clarity involved--in analogy form, was one of the the topics of discussion with mom the next morning at breakfast. Over an egg-white veggie omelet with hashbrowns, we talked about the battles of weight loss--and more specifically, the enemy we're battling. Let me explain:

When I look back at my many failed weight loss attempts, I can clearly see a crucial error in my battle plan. This mistake was the reason for my yo-yo dieting. This mistake was why it was always a struggle every single day as I lost weight in the past. This flaw is one that is made by millions of others everyday along this road...it's the reason for the madness, it's the reason why we're conditioned to believe that weight loss is hard. What is it? Please read...

I was always fighting the wrong battle. I didn't know who or what was the real enemy. How can you effectively battle, if you haven't identified the real enemy? I made food my enemy, that was the battle. I was always determined to put the food in its place---I would try to defeat food at every turn. Food wasn't going to win. That was my battle. The perceived enemy: food. But while I was busy battling food, the real enemy would sneak in from the side and defeat me every time in a battle that I didn't even realize I should be fighting. The real enemy?: ME.

Food never wanted to fight me, food was my friend, my ally...but I was convinced otherwise. It was food that made me fat, right? NO. I made me fat by using and abusing my friend in food. But I could never admit that before. So the battle with my perceived enemy of food would continue...I'd make special list, set portion sizes, count those calories---resist temptation at every turn---battle it, fight with everything I had---but in the end I would always lose the fight. Why? How? It kind of sounds like what I've done this time...but wait...it wasn't and isn't the same.

What ended my past weight loss battles? It wasn't food. It was the real enemy: ME. Armed with excuses, rationalizations, and slinging blame wherever I could---the real enemy would show up on the scene and completely stop me in my tracks. Even if I had lost 115 pounds like I did in 2004---the real enemy would step in and take it all back, plus some...and it happened time and time again. And it happened because I was fighting the wrong enemy. I was waging war on an ally, whose only desire was to be my friend---nourish me, keep me healthy, provide my body what it needs to live. No wonder I failed so many times at losing weight! It wasn't until this time, when I discovered the power of self-honesty and 100% self-responsibility in my behaviors with food, that the real battle became clear.

And now I know the real enemy. But the goal isn't and never has been to pummel this enemy---the goal has always been to turn this enemy into an ally. It's about becoming friends with yourself---and that's what's happened over the course of this transformation road. I realized the enemy wasn't really food and that food was always my friend and I realized that although I had always been my own worst enemy, I had the power to call a truce---with a self-honesty/responsibility pact that would leave me good friends with this former enemy. Friends with food and friends with myself.

The needless battles are over...there's no peace in those battles. But here---oh my, there's all kinds of wonderful peace and freedom. Freedom to live, breathe, eat, and continue down this road without the frustrations that always plagued my past weight loss attempts. When someone asks "So, you worried about gaining all that weight back?" I smile and say "no, not at all." It might sound over-confident to them...but when you haven't an enemy to battle--the fight is over and all that's left is gentle understanding and warm peace.

I enjoyed a Sunday night/Monday visit with Amber---complete with her favorite meal: Home cooked burgers and fries! We spent time watching a good movie and visiting before turning in Sunday night.

Labor Day found me off work, but still getting up early. I was up shortly after 7am, and considering I normally get up around 4am through the week---I guess this was sleeping in late. I hit the trail for a good morning 5K, then I went shopping for some new shirts---and I also exchanged my 36/30 Levis for 36/32's. I made a Wal-Mart shopping trip too, before heading home and taking Amber to lunch...just the two of us. We had a bunch of catching up to do---oh my, did we ever. We talked about a variety of things. I'm so proud of how she handles herself, she's so smart and level headed...Just a really good kid all the way around. After lunch, we met Courtney at the store and I snapped a wonderful picture with my phone---and it immediately became my new wallpaper. I'm so blessed...and I couldn't be happier in so many ways.

And to think...it wasn't really that long ago that I was this 505 pound mess of a miserable man. Amber was digging through old computer files when she discovered a lost treasure file of "before" pictures. I couldn't believe my eyes...some of the most unflattering shots---but now some of the best before pictures. I LOVE them now...hated them back then...I'm so excited to post these pictures. I better get right to it...

Oh--by the way, I have a couple of new bloggers to feature, but I didn't want them to get lost in this epic post---so I'll include them in my next post. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

The newly discovered "Lost" before pictures:








Some of these shots are painful to see---in excess of 500, every last one.


Friday night meal---Oh, this pork tenderloin is amazing! 130 calories per four ounces!!!


This is so wonderful to me. Being "X-less" here---so amazing to me.


Feeling incredible---up in da club! Thank you Mr. Gecko for the ticket!!!


I'm actually sitting in one of those light-weight folding lawn chairs...the kind made of aluminum and nylon straps. The chairs that morbidly obese people just naturally avoid---It was a wonderful NSV...Not only did I sit there...I crossed my legs in that chair. Yes!!!!




Give me a profile shot...




After years of never wearing anything on my fat-puffy wrists---it feels so good to finally have the wrists to wear whatever I want---a watch, a bracelet, or a plastic bracelet like this---yeah, this is a fun one to wear--no doubt. Is it crazy to like my wrists so much? They can't get any smaller...This is it---their physical transformation is over. I love it!




With Pat O. Pat has lost an incredible amount of weight as well! Combined, we've shed over 400 pounds---and both of us have no doubt, prolonged our lives. Pat and I work for the same broadcasting group.


Out of all of the wonderfully ridiculous choices available, I made this incredibly wonderful plate!


The goatee is back!! Oh yeah...I'm really digging it!!!


My egg white veggie omelet and hashbrowns with mom on Sunday morning.


Mom and me at breakfast!


Sunday night dinner with Amber---Her favorite. This was my plate: Using a half-bun--burger and baked fries with ketchup. It was delicious!


My two beautiful daughters, Courtney and Amber...at the store Monday afternoon...This picture is my new wallpaper on my cell phone. Love it!!! Love them dearly...

Day 715, 716, and 717 Will I Be Happy? and Remembering Stages of Change

Day 715, 716, and 717

Will I Be Happy? and Remembering Stages of Change

As I move and groove toward goal, I feel pretty good. No, great actually. I'm becoming more accepting of the imperfections, focusing on the positives, and steering clear of the negatives. I'm starting to realize more and more what I really meant when I wrote the words, "230 or whatever feels right." I really didn't know. I hadn't a point of reference. When you're shooting for a weight you haven't felt since you were eleven years old--it's hard to know if you're right, so there had to be an out..."whatever feels right." But I refuse to shake the 230 number in my mind. I feel great now and with surgery to remove excess skin someday (if I opt for that--still not completely sure), it'll be even better, and with continued fitness goals, even better. Why am I digging into this now? I'm getting close to that number, real close, and the question was recently asked by a friend and reader of this blog...Lisa Love asked:

"When you meet your goal, you will be happy right?"

The truth is, I'm happy right now. I occasionally catch my reflection in the window at the studio and I LOVE what I see. I often, even though I see the pictures, even though I look in the mirror more often than ever, I still...can't believe it's me in there. It's a dream come true. Forget every other wonderful thing in my life at this point, forget the future possibilities, forget it all---and still, this is a dream come true. If I never write another word, never speak at another event, never share my story with another soul...still, it has been a gift, a true blessing, a dream come true, and most importantly, an answer to a prayer. So, will I be happy? I have nothing to be unhappy about. It doesn't mean I'll hit 230 and just forget about my fitness goals. I really have no idea where I'll end up weight wise, it's a real wild card, but whatever it is--even if I end up above 230 (muscle gain), I'll be happy and eternally grateful, just as I am today. The number on the scale isn't really the measuring stick at that point, it's "whatever feels right," remember?

When my bike was stolen a while back, I didn't make it a big deal. I may have mentioned it, but really, I think I was a little embarrassed because I was so trusting, never putting a lock on the thing. And this apartment community is so nice and well kept, I just felt safe keeping it just down the stairs, literally 20 feet from my front door. Well, lesson learned. Lindel is a friend of mine that has found a wonderful hobby in buying and restoring old bikes. He also likes to put motors on them! Linda, his wife, emailed me the other day, telling me of a beach cruiser type bike that they had for me. It was completely restored and ready. They could have sold it for much more, but were too kind, offering it to me for forty dollars. I'm so excited about riding again. I've been out twice already this week. I've discovered the peacefulness of an early morning ride...just me and the birds, between 4 and 5 am...It's so quiet, you can hear everything you never notice in the middle of the day. I love it! Thank you Linda and Lindel, you two are the best! It was a great deal on a wonderful bike, and it came complete...with a combination lock.

In the archives, I found that it was a year ago that I crossed below 300 for the first time since childhood. I remember the emotion of that day so well. I felt it when I dropped below 500, again when I dropped below 400, and when I dropped below 300--it was wonderful. I wasn't really expecting it to be such an emotional thing, because I had recently experienced all of the wonderful emotions of crossing the 200 pounds lost marker. The following paragraph really didn't express just how special that weigh-in was to me, but here it is anyway:

I arrived at the doctors office ready to face the scale. The scale and I are friends really, have been from day one. It's a simple arrangement really. As long as I consistently do what I'm suppose to do, then the scale will hopefully continue a downward trend. Stepping on that scale today and seeing 296 was amazing. I didn't expect to become emotional, but I quickly teared up. I did again while sending out the e-mail, text, and twitter. I've officially lost 209 pounds in 353 days. I was so incredibly happy with a five pound loss, it was a wonderful thing. I weigh two hundred and ninety-six pounds! I just love that way that sounds, you know?

I've decided that once again, I'll have a four week weigh-in. My next weigh day will be September 15th. A monthly weigh-in is what I plan on doing in maintenance mode, and really--why not start now? Talk about big weigh-ins...the September 15th weigh-in could be the one...the one where 230 shines brightly from the digital display.

I can't wrap this edition without remembering somebody special. I really wish I would have known him better. We would read each others blogs and occasionally email each other, but I never even knew his real name, I just knew him as "Stages of Change," the name of his blog. It wasn't until just the other day, that another blogger who had the honor of knowing him personally, shared his name.

Garrett wasn't even 30 years old, his blog says 28, but whatever the age, he was way too young to die. I don't even know for certain what happened. It's easy to assume that obesity claimed his life, but I don't know that for certain. And really, it doesn't matter at this point. He's gone. And it's heartbreaking to read his last post and see the changes in the appearance of his blog. What was once dark, was full of light and hope, and his introspective writing--always stirring, revealed that he was always focused on understanding the mental dynamics of morbid obesity. He was achieving an understanding of what brought him there, and in that understanding, was certain he would find the way out. I wish he would have had more time, it's something I really don't understand. This kid deserved more time. Not even 30? It breaks my heart. In his last post, he writes:

"...you may notice I changed the look of my blog for the first time. I did that because I realized that though I originally really liked the look of it, it no longer reflected who I'm becoming. The original black scheme was about hiding and denial. I strive now to be about light and truth. I also replaced my black and white "head in my hands" picture of myself I had as my profile shot. I did that also because it's no longer who I am anymore. That was about being hopeless, and some "why me?" victimization, and immaturely romanticized drama. I strive now to be about success, self-accountability, and moderation."

In one of his incredibly insightful comments on my blog, he shared with us his deep understanding of forgiveness:

"Forgiveness is an incredibly powerful thing I've learned/am learning. For those we THOUGHT have harmed us, but haven't as much as we weren't willing to look at our role in the situation. For OURSELVES, for all our transgressions that we never let ourselves forget and always held over our heads. For those that DID truly hurt us. Forgiveness of all of those areas is something I've been working on over the last few months, and I'm nowhere near the end, but what I have done has been so helpful. Resentment is one of, if not the greatest, roadblock to happiness and health in life I believe, and forgiveness is the key to unlocking that burden from around our necks."

He was an incredibly gifted writer, a tender heart, and a wonderful human. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends that knew him and loved him. You can visit his blog at www.stagesofchange.blogspot.com Rest in peace my friend.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


My bike!


My weakness. I don't avoid it, I control it in nice little portion sizes like this. Frozen yogurt from Braum's Ice Cream and Diary Stores--this is a 3.5 ounces, or 180 calories! So worth it!


Dinner! 90% lean hamburger steak, mashed potatoes, and cooked--fresh frozen green beans...The sodium listed: Zero. The canned? Out of control with sodium. These tasted kind of rubbery...I need to get a little creative in the preparation, that's all. Maybe some melted American cheese.