Changing Body-Image and Mac and Cheese, Please!
I've thought a bunch today about my self-image. How it's slowly changing. The pictures and what I see in the mirror make me feel great, but I know there's much work ahead to get to where I want to be. I've had a few people lately say “Sean, you look great where you are.” And I sincerely appreciate the compliment, because it is a compliment, but you don't see what I see. You only see what I want you to see. Is that dishonest? No, it's appropriate. If I posted a picture that wasn't appropriate, then you would see what I mean. I applaud those that can post revealing pictures, but I'm not that brave! Clothes can hide a bunch. So what do I see when I look in the mirror before I get in the shower? I see a man that has lost a bunch of weight, with all the clues hanging loosely. What can I do about that? A couple of things. I've talked about my desire to eventually have excess skin removed and hopefully donated to a burn center. That will happen. And the other thing is weight training. A dedicated, intense, and most importantly consistent weight training schedule will give me the arms I dream of, seriously, with weight training my arms luckily will not need any kind of surgery for skin removal. I'll fill 'em up with some serious guns. OK, that sounded really macho of me. I've never been a “macho man.” I'm scared of flying insects that sting. I'm like a little girl sometimes. But that's OK. I prefer sensitive, thank you very much! When I say “self-image,” I guess I really mean “body image.” I think highly of my “self,” or else I would still be 505 pounds. I really, really like the man I've become and how I think as a person. So the self-image is fine I believe. The body image, well...that's a tough one. I'll get there, I will! But it doesn't happen in 315 days. Not when you've abused your body for as long as I have. I hope I don't sound like an ungrateful idiot. But let me tell you, I want the best possible transformation possible, so I don't satisfy easily. I want the body of my dreams, the real deal, solid everywhere, built like a rock. Not muscle magazine built, just underwear model built. NO---I'm not saying I aspire to be an underwear model, not even...but you understand what I'm saying, right? And I don't want this vision of mine for any other reason than to inspire change in the morbidly obese that feel trapped and hopeless. I want one of the most dramatic transformations---the kind where you have a hard time believing those giant before pictures were ever me. I want to let those people know that they too can do this. There is hope, there is an amazing place ahead on this road, it's not impossible, it's really not!
I did more yard work today. It's tough when you realize that no matter how wonderful a job I do, it's not going to look as good as the neighbors back yard. I swear the guy was a grounds keeper for a golf course, I'm sure! The mower stopped working and I ended up calling a friend with a big riding mower. Dan came over and knocked out the rest of the yard in little time. Then he looked at my mower, and walla...it started on the first pull. I swear!!! It wouldn't start!!! It didn't look good, but seriously, it wouldn't start earlier. Must have over heated in the tall grass, I don't know! It was funny actually. My arms did get a workout from pulling the mower cord a million times. OK, maybe a million is a slight exaggeration, but at least thirty or forty times! OK, maybe twenty—yeah, that sounds right.
I spent 400 calories today on mac and cheese. This is very unusual. I can count on one hand how many times I've had mac and cheese in the last 315 days. I love it too much! I started out with a very small portion, then decided to “invest” a little more. It tasted amazing! So, nearly a third of my calorie budget in mac and cheese---then I tossed the leftovers in the trash. There wasn't that much left, and it sounds wasteful. I can't add the amount of calories I've consumed before in the name of “don't waste it!---here, let me put it on my waist!” We actually have changed the way we cook around here. We simply cook less. Much less actually. We're saving money and saving calories. We've had several meals that look like it's not enough, but then everyone gets a serving of this and a little of that, it's all gone, and everyone is satisfied. No seconds, no leftovers, and no picking while it's cooking---because, hey...there's just enough! It's taken some getting adjusted—because we always cooked so much! But our perspective has changed, our focus has changed, our lives have changed.
My workout tonight was not normal, but effective. I used the jump-rope on the patio. I don't care what the neighbors think, the garage is too hot! And the neighbors should just be glad the back lawn is mowed 'cause I'm a busy man! I did fifteen sets of ten, got very sweaty and my heart rate was racing...a great workout indeed, and it only took thirty-five minutes.
Irene is about to come through the door and my goal was to be done by the time she does, then spend some time with her and get to sleep! The alarm is set for 5am. Below you'll see a cool “morphing” photo I created. I hope it works! If it's just a picture of me at over 500, then it didn't work, and I'm not going to try to figure out why tonight. Hopefully it works. I bet it does. Thanks for reading and giving me your support. Goodnight and...
I'll do more of these. Kind of fun!