Sunday, July 26, 2009

Day 315 Changing Body Image and Mac and Cheese, Please!

Day 315

Changing Body-Image and Mac and Cheese, Please!

I've thought a bunch today about my self-image. How it's slowly changing. The pictures and what I see in the mirror make me feel great, but I know there's much work ahead to get to where I want to be. I've had a few people lately say “Sean, you look great where you are.” And I sincerely appreciate the compliment, because it is a compliment, but you don't see what I see. You only see what I want you to see. Is that dishonest? No, it's appropriate. If I posted a picture that wasn't appropriate, then you would see what I mean. I applaud those that can post revealing pictures, but I'm not that brave! Clothes can hide a bunch. So what do I see when I look in the mirror before I get in the shower? I see a man that has lost a bunch of weight, with all the clues hanging loosely. What can I do about that? A couple of things. I've talked about my desire to eventually have excess skin removed and hopefully donated to a burn center. That will happen. And the other thing is weight training. A dedicated, intense, and most importantly consistent weight training schedule will give me the arms I dream of, seriously, with weight training my arms luckily will not need any kind of surgery for skin removal. I'll fill 'em up with some serious guns. OK, that sounded really macho of me. I've never been a “macho man.” I'm scared of flying insects that sting. I'm like a little girl sometimes. But that's OK. I prefer sensitive, thank you very much! When I say “self-image,” I guess I really mean “body image.” I think highly of my “self,” or else I would still be 505 pounds. I really, really like the man I've become and how I think as a person. So the self-image is fine I believe. The body image, well...that's a tough one. I'll get there, I will! But it doesn't happen in 315 days. Not when you've abused your body for as long as I have. I hope I don't sound like an ungrateful idiot. But let me tell you, I want the best possible transformation possible, so I don't satisfy easily. I want the body of my dreams, the real deal, solid everywhere, built like a rock. Not muscle magazine built, just underwear model built. NO---I'm not saying I aspire to be an underwear model, not even...but you understand what I'm saying, right? And I don't want this vision of mine for any other reason than to inspire change in the morbidly obese that feel trapped and hopeless. I want one of the most dramatic transformations---the kind where you have a hard time believing those giant before pictures were ever me. I want to let those people know that they too can do this. There is hope, there is an amazing place ahead on this road, it's not impossible, it's really not!

I did more yard work today. It's tough when you realize that no matter how wonderful a job I do, it's not going to look as good as the neighbors back yard. I swear the guy was a grounds keeper for a golf course, I'm sure! The mower stopped working and I ended up calling a friend with a big riding mower. Dan came over and knocked out the rest of the yard in little time. Then he looked at my mower, and started on the first pull. I swear!!! It wouldn't start!!! It didn't look good, but seriously, it wouldn't start earlier. Must have over heated in the tall grass, I don't know! It was funny actually. My arms did get a workout from pulling the mower cord a million times. OK, maybe a million is a slight exaggeration, but at least thirty or forty times! OK, maybe twenty—yeah, that sounds right.

I spent 400 calories today on mac and cheese. This is very unusual. I can count on one hand how many times I've had mac and cheese in the last 315 days. I love it too much! I started out with a very small portion, then decided to “invest” a little more. It tasted amazing! So, nearly a third of my calorie budget in mac and cheese---then I tossed the leftovers in the trash. There wasn't that much left, and it sounds wasteful. I can't add the amount of calories I've consumed before in the name of “don't waste it!---here, let me put it on my waist!” We actually have changed the way we cook around here. We simply cook less. Much less actually. We're saving money and saving calories. We've had several meals that look like it's not enough, but then everyone gets a serving of this and a little of that, it's all gone, and everyone is satisfied. No seconds, no leftovers, and no picking while it's cooking---because, hey...there's just enough! It's taken some getting adjusted—because we always cooked so much! But our perspective has changed, our focus has changed, our lives have changed.

My workout tonight was not normal, but effective. I used the jump-rope on the patio. I don't care what the neighbors think, the garage is too hot! And the neighbors should just be glad the back lawn is mowed 'cause I'm a busy man! I did fifteen sets of ten, got very sweaty and my heart rate was racing...a great workout indeed, and it only took thirty-five minutes.

Irene is about to come through the door and my goal was to be done by the time she does, then spend some time with her and get to sleep! The alarm is set for 5am. Below you'll see a cool “morphing” photo I created. I hope it works! If it's just a picture of me at over 500, then it didn't work, and I'm not going to try to figure out why tonight. Hopefully it works. I bet it does. Thanks for reading and giving me your support. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,

I'll do more of these. Kind of fun!


  1. That morphing photo ROCKS!!! I'm going to get you to do one for me when I get close to goal!! :)

  2. okay I like the photo and wanna learn how to do this..and I would kill for a good mac & cheese right now..But I digress..Great idea with skin. never thought of that before.

  3. I love your goals, but mine are less lofty - just being able to look reasonably OK in clothes will do me fine. If I have loose skin, I am not going to worry about it, but so far things are tightening up quite well (apart from the bingo wings).

    Love the morphing picture!

  4. oh, man. i know that i didnt lose the amout of weight you did, but the first time i lost (it was prob about 200 to 122) i noticed the extra skin thing. i did not know you could donate it to a burn center!!!!! when i lost the weight the first time, i was proud, but the skin made it an issue. when i joined the army, i had a flight physical and the doctor asked me when i gave birth, because i had so much loose skin. i was mortified. i dont have any kids. i told him i lost weight and he went on his way. i remember trying to google (i think it was excite or something back then) how to lose excess skin. filling it up with muscle is definitely one way. you will have it easier on the arms, in that respect. plastic surgery was the only other way. me and my sister have had this convo a million times. shes like, when i win the lottery, ill get you plastic surgery. the beach is not an option for me, unless im in a suit with shorts and a tank. it just sucks that all the effort (which pays off with health, etc) is marred with the skin issue. sorry for the tangent, but i just wanted to say youre not alone, and im sure many who follow your blog also have experienced this too.

    other than that, keep it up. your transformation pic is ridic, but you know that. i still cant help but remark on what an awesome father you are. i hope you know this.

  5. That morphing picture is awesome! Truly amazing difference in before and after.
    Love mac and cheese, but you're so right, it is a bit of a calorie splurge!
    I also agree with the above comments with regards to loose skin. So many of us have that issue. Great idea on donating to the burn center. Never would have thought of that.
    And finally, thank you so much for stopping by my blog! It means a lot to me that you took the time to leave such an incredibly sweet comment, and sign on as one of my followers!!

  6. Cool, Sean! Next time, dig out the old t-shirt and plaid overshirt. But "clothes pin" it at the back, to show your new "form." Then morph the then and now pictures showing you in the same outfit! I, too, love the idea of donating the skin. Do you know for sure that that's possible? Congrats to you and you family for continuing on the journey.

  7. Awesome morphing picture!!
    I must admit that i'm doing some good weights for the arms in the hopes i won't have the "old lady bat wing" syndrome :)

  8. Great picture! How did you do that? I wish I had one - seriously!

  9. I love the morphing picture how do you do that:)
    I also love how honest you are.

    best wishes always


  10. That morphing picture is COOL! And I'm with you... I LOVE mac and cheese. It's one of my favorite foods EVER!

  11. Cool pic! I love mac and cheese too...yum! Congrats on chucking the rest. Way better choice.
    You'll get to undie model one day ;)

  12. Geez. . . I thought the nicest part of the post was that you wanted to be done to spend some time with your wife.

    Great priorities.

  13. Totally Awesome. I just have to read all the wonderful blogs on here to stay motivated. You were the one who started it all for me. Words can't express my appreciation!


  14. Awesome! Love it! Do more... do more!

  15. Great job with the picture. I definitely know about the loose skin. I also have a big scar from getting my gallbladder out which really made me want to cry. My psychologist put it in perspective when he talked about his wife having a masecotomy. I know it's way different but it did make me realize that I do have my health back now. Someone else called the loose skin their battle scars and I guess that's kind of fitting too. Plus it is something I can change at some point with surgery if I want to (well not the scar but the skin). cool idea to donate it too I will definitely remember that if I ever can afford to have it done. Way to go on all your success.

  16. Sean - you are sooo handsome in that cool moving pic! :) I know what you mean about body image. for me, I feel free when I stop hiding it, but that is what works for me, not everyone. you are doing a wonderful job and good job with throwing away the mac & cheese. I too ahve a hard time "wasting" so I give leftovers to the dogs. lol


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